Red Pill TheoryShe's not yours to keep; she's only yours to have right now. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by [deleted]

Summary: She's not yours to keep; she's only yours to have right now.

This is a common phrase said on r/theredpill and for good reason.

What this phrase does is free your mind. It frees your mind of hope and expectation. The end result?

You don't break frame when she inevitably shows disinterest and you're able to keep moving forward in your life.

If utilizing this phrase properly, you've already lost her. There's nothing she can take from you. Therefore, you are non-reactive to her general attitude toward you. Hence, your frame, and furthermore, your tranquility, is unharmed by her eventual misgivings.

Ironically, this is likely to make her more attracted to you than she was previously. This is because women are attracted to strong men. A strong frame indicates a strong spirit about you. Thus, she's less likely to leave. But to reiterate, you are indifferent to either possible outcome. To you, she was already gone the day you met her.

How else might we apply this principle?

Certainly, the women in our lives no longer affect our frame, but what else in life do we allow to manipulate our emotions?

To strengthen our frame to the fullest and live a tranquil life, we must apply this rule to every area--without prejudice. \t

  • The car is not yours to keep; it's only yours to drive right now.

  • The job is not yours to keep; it's only yours to work at right now.

  • The money in your investment fund is not yours to keep; it's only yours to have right now.

  • Your dog is not yours to keep; he's only alive right now.

  • Your parents are not yours to keep; they're only alive right now.

  • Your life is not yours to keep; it's only yours to live right now.

Lesson learned: Be prepared to lose anything and everything without a moment's notice. This is Stoicism.

Practising stoics remind themselves daily of all of these things. Although it may seem like some sort of mind trick--it's not. It's coming to terms with reality. Everything is temporary in this world. Even, and especially--you.

"Cease to hope, and you will cease to fear." --Seneca

[–]BustergunFIRE 119 points120 points  (24 children)

This applies to everything and everyone.

All possessions require maintenance, upkeep, and work. When that stops, you lose the possession.

[–]Dark397 51 points52 points  (12 children)

Sometimes you lose them despite the maintenance and upkeep. No guarantees in life.

[–]ShounenEgo 51 points52 points  (8 children)

Exactly, but TRP teaches that regardless of random/unknown factors, you should do whatever you can do regardless of the end result.

Your goal isn't the outcome. Your goal is to make sure that in the end, you did your part.

[–]AllArtsWelcome 26 points26 points [recovered]

God damn this is one of the most human sentences I've ever read on reddit. The hate TRP gets is so ridiculous.

[–]ShounenEgo 25 points26 points  (5 children)

You want to know the twist?

Most people in hindsight could have done better.

The one who failed the important interview could have been more prepared. The one who didn't approached could have stop giving a damn about his inner voice and go say "hi" to that hot girl on the other side of the restaurant/train/whatever.

My point is, hindsight is a bitch that builds up regretting, and regret is a useless feeling. It doesn't teach you anything from your past mistakes, like reflecting does, and it puts you on the defensive, "I did the best I could and failed because I wasn't lucky/God hates me/I'm surrounded by idiots". You start hamstering and before you realize it, you're complacent in your room, blaming life for being unfair and acting as if you did the best you could.

The most useful thing I got from this sub so far is to own my shit. Not because I don't believe in external influences and that many times I cannot do diddly squat to change an outcome, but because I lived so many important moments of hindsight that made me go "I could have done better" which also means that there will be thousand more moments later.

Reflection will make me recognize things I did wrong today, but tomorrow. I already recognized things I said this morning that I shouldn't have and things I should have done differently, and there was no random factor involved, God didn't played dice with me. Just my attitude and overall approach towards a colleague and a girl in the train.

A person who doesn't take ownership of his actions will ultimately focus on things to blame. "If only the weather wasn't so shit I wouldn't have to be late for work". A person who takes ownership focuses on what he can do differently the next occurrence. "I checked yahoo weather and decided to buy an umbrella for tomorrow". And this might seem small change, almost wordplay. But remember the butterfly effect: The small event carries over in time and results in unpredictable changes. This worldview shift is the flutter.

[–]rpendeavor 14 points15 points  (0 children)

My favorite quote by Mark Twain is very fitting:

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did so. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

[–]TRPrincecharming 4 points5 points  (3 children)

Owning your shit is to understated. When you win at life, who are you gonna blame? The same circumstances that made you fail at something earlier? Hello no. You are gonna own your shit and be god damn proud cause YOU did it, and you would not be you unless you had your previous failures and winning. Whenever something happens in my life nowadays, i blame me. It's my fault if something goes ''wrong'' or if something goes ''right''. Me and me alone own any and all failures related to me in any way, circumstance or happening, i own all winnings related to me in any way, circumstance or happening.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I agree with this. How do you respond to someone when, for example, you've accomplished something excellent and the person says, "wow, that's really lucky"? Even said with genuine admiration, a comment like that clearly demonstrates the other person's world view (up to chance, no control, no responsibility), and they credit you with the same faulty perspective, not maliciously. What do you think of that?

[–]TRPrincecharming 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't really care, i probably would just respond with a yeah, or w/e. I would end up just picking up a small piece of their mind, i now know something about their world view and am able to use it in a future social interaction.

[–]fakefalse 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A thing my dad always said: "You gotta be good to be lucky. "

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I want to agree more, but with a caveat.

he's describing process oriented behaviour, I largely find mission oriented to be the RP one.

It's not how you get there, its that you have a goal, and reach it. Doing your part lackss a measure of responsability for the end product. A lot of unplugged guys in MRP start with that approach, and it's how they got where they are now:

I don't get it. I clean, I earn good money, am a good dad, and in the end, she won't fuck me. No focus on the goal, but on the process, then nothing learned, and not successful.

As opposed to owning your shit, and pressing onward. I am the prize, my needs being met recieves more of my affection and commitment. The individual process aren't important, other than how they relate to the goal you have

Every individual action is assessed according to the goal.

[–]TheReformist94 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If she cant guarantee anything I cant guarantee my commitment

[–]PlanB_pedofile 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Created an awesome mancave in the basement. Couch, carpet, tv. Then river flooded (once in every 30 years) water got into the basement despite all my water sealing efforts. All of it was ruined and molded.

[–]Stythe 12 points13 points  (0 children)

It literally applies to your freaking life! Your body, your brain, they are all temprary. I don't understand how people don't accept and preach this more. The sooner you internalize thus, the sooner you can start enjoying life.

[–]MoneyStatusLooks 2 points2 points [recovered]

What about gold coins. They just sit there.

[–]KartagoPill 17 points18 points  (1 child)

The nazis could steal them.

[–]jimmyharbrah 7 points8 points  (0 children)

If I had a nickle for every time the nazis looted my gold coins, but they took my nickles, too.

[–]Darthstacker 11 points12 points  (1 child)

For you chemistry folks, my Au is protected by my Pb.

[–]1-800-777-GOLD 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The gold is not yours, you are only taking care of it until it is passed on to the next soul.

[–]shadowles5 1 points1 points [recovered]

Except herpes. That shit's with you forever.

[–]XeRefer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well. Your forever. Because you're not forever.

[–]TheReformist94 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'm all cool with this as long as a woman is fine accepting she is one of many in rotation.i don't see why I shud succumb to a woman's serial monogamous frame andbe shamed for running several plates honestly or dishonestly. As a man when entering an LTR I am still investing my time and emotion into it.i am allowed to have many concurrently to supress my heartbreak shud one fall out

[–][deleted] 61 points62 points  (4 children)

So essentially applying meditative/stoic teachings to women.

However, don't let this stop you from learning from your failures. It's easy to say "Oh well, nothing I could do to stop her from leaving", you can have this 'everything is temporary' state of mind but still look back and think of what you could have done differently to at least prolong your time with her.


[–][deleted] 55 points56 points  (1 child)

Chad Thundercock sitting in the gym. Text in the background: "You see that plate?" asks Gay Lube Oil, Siberian God of Lifting. "For me, that plate is already riding cock carousel. I enjoy it; I fuck brains out of it. It handles my dick admirably, sometimes even taking it up the arse in a beautiful pattern. If I should dick slap her, there's a lovely sound of her laugh to it. But when I leave her for the night and she goes to the club with other sluts, I say 'Of course, NEXT'"

"When I understand this plate is already riding cock carousel, every moment with her is pretty much the same as with other women, because AWALT"

[–]StManTiS 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Applying Buddhism actually. This is basic level non-attachment.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You beat me to posting that photo!

[–]1RXRob 76 points77 points  (4 children)

This is a good Buddhist lesson. Everything is already broken.

I buy a glass from the shop. It's good at holding my water. But entropy and nature mean that it's already broken.

One day I'll drop it. It'll no longer be able to hold my water. But I won't be upset because it was always breaking.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Honestly this was one of the biggest lessons to help me get rid of oneitis, prevent it from happening again, and also shake my fear of approaching.

[–]vvancruz 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Agree, Buddhist believe you should never have attachment to anything or anyone.

[–]Boovs4life -1 points0 points  (1 child)

What if my friend drops it? I would be pretty mad at him if i really liked that glass. Or should i just say "not a problem it was only temporary."?

[–]Alexfortomorrow 13 points14 points  (0 children)

This clearly implies that everything is temporary, really liked how you used it in the correct perspective.

Literally everything is bound to an end, starting from your life, to more mundane things. Applies to situations, feelings, frame and mindsets, too.

Therefore, what you get from going deeper is that: time is precious.

Don't you fucking dare waste your time, it's the only true currency you should give value to.

You only die once, make it count.

Be prepared to lose anything and everything without a moment's notice. This is Stoicism.

Wonderful. I'm not too fond of today's materialism; while I certainly like having new things like phones, PCs, guitars and shit as tools that I use everyday to make my life better, one should also be aware they're only things. And as things they're meant to be used, and when the time factor (see above) is applied they're supposed to show some tear and to eventually break.

You can have everything but in the end nothing is truly yours.

Great post.

[–]thor_meaway 12 points13 points  (4 children)

Thank you for contributing. It was a breath of fresh air, and i especially liked how you applied it to not only to women but to everything.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

The things you own end up owning you

[–]25rightofpassage 9 points10 points  (3 children)

The idea that everything is transitory is something that overlaps not just with stoicism but apparently many eastern traditions. This is reaffirmed to me in my guided meditation. Which helps situate me in the HERE and NOW.I suggest a new mantra 'Read lift Meditate'.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

maybe everything... but the drive to achieve never does, only it's focus.

Unless you become a bum, in which case, true nirvana, but you're living in the street

[–]25rightofpassage 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the correction...I think the point i was making was that a lot of things in life are transitory from from death to aging to relationships..its important to not get stuck ruminating about what you cant change and change what you can. Could you elaborate on the statement about drive,i didn't quite get it.

[–]pooetic_justice 10 points11 points  (1 child)

It's not your girl. It's your turn.

[–]13th-sign 4 points4 points [recovered]

"You see this goblet?" asks Achaan Chaa, the Thai meditation master. "For me this glass is already broken. I enjoy it; I drink out of it. It holds my water admirably, sometimes even reflecting the sun in beautiful patterns. If I should tap it, it has a lovely ring to it. But when I put this glass on the shelf and the wind knocks it over or my elbow brushes it off the table and it falls to the ground and shatters, I say, 'Of course.' When I understand that the glass is already broken, every moment with it is precious."

Mark Epstein, Thoughts Without a Thinker

[–]Endorsed ContributorUrsusG 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The hard part is not coming to terms with the inevitable loss, but finding the strength and purpose to actually accomplish something while realizing full well you'll lose it all one day.

It requires you to not give a fuck about anything while at the same time caring enough to pursue aims and goals.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I vehemently resist feelings of betaness now. I know what those feelings are. In order to not feel that way, I have no choice but to make myself feel different. In order to achieve that, I work on myself, and go out with more women. The phrase fits accurately because even though a woman might love you, she may still leave you. It's imperative to know that, and to expect that. I had a love fantasy in my head with my first LTR, and it didn't work out because she wasn't feeling those "feelings" that I started to have because she's a woman (so this followed: severe oneitis, failing shit tests, sex denied, ....). At that point I felt my love was unconditionally for her, and I still like her; but the thing is, she didn't know how to handle my beta-self. It distanced her from me. And after being alpha for so long and never having any issues with having her come over, I was confused and couldn't believe that the first time I show my feelings, she started to detach from me. Hilarious. My feelings made me sexually unattractive, so eventually the it's-not-you-it's-me, I need to find myself- shit follows. The experiences are so similar for SO many guys here. It's ridiculous. So I started to keep my feelings to myself and judge her without taking a break. I won't give a woman any breaks at all. She will have to behave or she's gone. I have no time for shit anymore, and I certainly don't want to have my heart broken again. This quote always stuck out for me and this is IMO the core of TRP: Women would rather share a high value Man than be saddled by a faithful loser. The role will reverse, and the woman will become the leader in the relationship and the guy will become the plate/ betabux.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Lol can't you tell TRP is just a hate group? I mean, listen to this hateful Buddhist zen shit. Clearly filled with hate and the desire to control womyn.

[–]Fubarro205 11 points12 points  (1 child)

"We're sorry. Due to an increase in demand, new pussy is no longer available. Please check the pussy you were trying to reach and shoot for factory refurbished. Message VL10..."

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Fucking cumcast, will seriously have to consider changing my pussy provider.

[–]Endorsed Contributorseattleron 4 points5 points  (0 children)

In some Eastern religions they teach you to not become attached to anything in life. I'm not sure how one would not be attached to their offspring, family, close friends, etc. Or how it would make you anything but a self-centered, ego-maniac, but avoiding any and all heartache in life sure would make shit go smoother.

But it would also rob us of the ultimate motivator and driver of reflection we could ever have.

Just know this: if you love, you will hurt. That is the price.

[–]Stythe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Outcome independence is the shit.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ive thought about the notion that I'm only borrowing my physical body. This skin isn't mine! In fact, the skin I had two months ago is gone and replaced by new cells. Trippy.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Everything in life is ephemeral.

The Jews have a saying: This too shall pass.

[–]Trpdoc 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Internalizing this principal was the most important part of my shift to being happier when it came to women

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

not just women, it applies to every aspect in life. I'm in the mindset that I wouldn't give a fuck if I lost everything. It's very liberating, you no longer feel like a slave to your possessions. Its kind of a 'fight club' philosophy

[–]BloodRoseTRP 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nothing is permanent, and upon realising it, you cherish every moment you have, whether that be with your friends, money or simply the chair you sit on

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Genius post. Should be on the sidebar.

Fucking Obama telling us to Hope. Fuck this man.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This also is very Buddhist.

[–]WingedHussarx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow. This is truly deep, TRP gem

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"The root of suffering is attachment" - Buddha

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

" YOU are not the contents of your wallet, You are not your fucking khakis"

[–][deleted] 2 points2 points

[permanently deleted]

[–]fakefalse 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you.

This shifted my paradigm.

[–]Psychonaut3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"your life is not yours to keep; it's only yours to live right now" Poetic as fuck

[–]RealRational 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Acceptance of this is, I believe, the key to happiness in life.

[–]getRedPill 0 points1 point  (3 children)

This is so true. Anyway it's extremely difficult to let go, a person or material stuff.

[–]H42 1 points1 points [recovered]

I have learned that by avoiding the terms "my" and "mine", it is much easier to be detached from ownership.

It is "the car", not "my car". It is "the house", not "my house".

Over time, by using non-possessive language, you really do get a sense of detachment from material things, and it is much easier to maintain frame when something or someone exits your life.

[–]getRedPill 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You are just deluding yourself.

[–]jailb9 0 points1 point  (0 children)

fuck me, that message really hits home.

I needed to hear it again.


[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is similar to the Buddhists ways of thinking, and those guys are stoic as fuck.

[–]Stradivorius 0 points1 point  (0 children)

tl;dr: Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner.

[–]zelda_link14 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this the most depressing and realistic post ive read. I find it crazy how someone can fall in love with someone knowing it wont last :/

[–]punishfish 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great post! A solid read that changed my outlook on things around me. Well written.

[–]Cyberyukon 0 points1 point  (1 child)

The Little Prince knew this. That everything is ephemeral.

Still, I argue this: that although physical things don't last, that can only be argued on a bigger scale. And on this scale things don't vanish. They re-arrange themselves. When your car craps out or your dog dies, these are just rearrangements of their fundamental components (e.g. atoms, molecules, strings. etc ) that cause a change at a bigger level.

So it's really a matter of perception. Matter can be neither created nor destroyed and all of that. Just re-arranged.

Relationships are just expressions of a complex matrix and equations of atoms and molecules (or maybe their deeper sub-atomic agents) at work. Through combining into hormones, thoughts, motivations, etc. in the brain.

[–]Sherlock--Holmes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess there's no reason to say vows at all. "Till death do us part?" Yeah right.

[–]Darthstacker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like your message on Stoicism. It reminds me of the message in a book on Zen Buddhism, believe it or not this book was written by Chuck Norris.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” - Mutha Fuckin' Yoda

[–]ultimatewpierdol -2 points-1 points  (3 children)

The money in your investment fund is not yours to keep; it's only yours to have right now.

This one actually sounds stupid

[–]Endorsed ContributorUrsusG 10 points11 points  (1 child)

"Your investments may fail despite your best diligence"

Sounds better?

[–]prodigyx -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

This one is actually stupid.

[–]IronMeltsinmyHands -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Let me edit your entire post. She's just a hole for your dick. Fuck her, and toss her to the wind.

[–]BleauGumms -1 points0 points  (0 children)

MGTOW has the saying "It's not your pussy, you're just the current user"

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

This is a useful sub, but damn it can be a real downer sometimes...

[–]prodigyx -5 points-4 points  (9 children)

The message is solid but some of the points miss the mark.

You can own a car, maintain and drive it perfectly, and have it forever. It is yours to keep and it is possible to keep it forever given perfect decision making. Same with your money and your life.

A woman/job/dog/parents are different and even with perfect decision making you can lose them.

Sometimes people take it too far, trying to apply principles of sexual strategy to things like car ownership and financial investment. Some things follow the laws of logic, not emotions or randomness. Treating these things as if the outcome doesn't matter only leads to poor decision making and a careless and sloppy life with little self-accountability.

If you crash your car or blow all your money on a stupid investment, or show up late and lose your job, it is 100% on you. This "oh it was going to happen someday anyway" attitude is beta and childish (in these specific areas).

[–]chadee 3 points3 points [recovered]

You have some, but not full control over whether your car is totaled in an accident. You have some, but not full control of whether your girl decides to leave you.

This is not to say we shouldn't try to influence these outcomes to the best of our ability. We just do it with the understanding that in the end, it's all temporary.

This gives a man freedom to act without anxiety, which will usually lead to him having better results than a fearful man.

When a stoic's car is totaled he isn't filled with negative emotion because to him it was already totaled. In the grand scheme of things, everything eventually breaks or dies.

Suppose your car is maintained to the fullest and never gets a scratch on it. Your life will certainly come to end eventually, right? Thus, the car is yours to drive only right now.

[–]1Paid_Internet_Troll 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can own a car, maintain and drive it perfectly, and have it forever. It is yours to keep and it is possible to keep it forever given perfect decision making. Same with your money and your life.

I haven't met anyone who is older than about 102 years.

Where do you hang out, that you're meeting people who are going to live forever?