35-year-old virgin is feeling depressed and hopeless. Female advice columnist advises him with gems like "be yourself" and "just go on OKCupid!" (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by needsomehelp3211

Summary: Don't ask women for advice. Female solipsism rules their world, they are literally incapable of empathizing or understanding the troubles that men go through.

Article can be accessed through the Foreveralone thread here.

Another day, another woman trying to sabotage someone else's love life. Today that comes in the form of a letter written to Eva, a romantic advice columnist for The Guardian.

"Eva?" you ask. "Sounds like a woman... this won't end well." And you're right! Let's dive in.

Dear Eva, I’m 35 and I’ve never had a girlfriend.

I’m pretty unremarkable in most respects – neither fantastically attractive (if only), nor absolutely hideous. I’ve got plenty of friends, male and female. They always express confusion and disbelief that I’ve been unable to get a girlfriend in the 20 years or so I’ve been interested in the idea.

Apart from this, I’ve lived a full and active life, but somehow this particular aspect has passed me by. It’s a cliche, but it really did seem seem like one day all my friends were suddenly shacked up with a partner and squeezing out kids right, left and center.

The older I get, I don’t even know how to go about meeting women – I work in an almost exclusively male environment and most of my interests are male-dominated activities. I’ve heard the advice about salsa dancing for instance, but I think I’d be so awkward that my desperation would be obvious. I’d love to be able to introduce a girlfriend to family and friends, but the chances are surely becoming smaller the older I get. Thanks for any advice you can give.

So to recap, this guy is a 35 year old virgin who just doesn't know how to attract women. Society never helped him, much like it never helps any man who wants to be attractive. Now read the kind of advice that Eva gives...

Reading your letter I can’t help but wonder: do you really want a girlfriend? You note that you’d love to be able to introduce one to family and mates, but what would you want to do with her the rest of the time? If your life is full of other kinds of good relationships – and it certainly sounds like it is – then maybe you don’t need a girlfriend.

Translation: "You fucker, how dare you try to get out of the beta-orbiter zone! Get back in!" Typical female advice. She doesn't want him to improve, even after he's specifically said he would really like to be intimate with girls. She is internally so disgusted by the sight of a socially anxious virgin male that she's encouraging him to basically give up and drop out of the gene pool. Maybe become a gay uncle type of guy down the road, helping with other people's children.

A man would have offered actionable advice on how to improve: lift weights. Strengthen yourself mentally, learn empirically what women respond to the most, keep asking out until you get a hit, start making money.

But no. The advice from women is "meh. Just be happy with what you're got."

I say this as someone who has often found myself feeling a bit bad about being single,

Yes, this is her trying to empathize with him. In female-land, being single for a few months is exactly on par with being a mid-30s virgin male who's never even held a girl's hand in his life. Yessir, those two situations are definitely equal psychologically and emotionally.

That said! If you do want to continue looking for a partner, I think you’re probably a great candidate for online dating: not necessarily because you will meet The One that way, but because it will give you opportunities to meet Some Ones.

"I could go on Tinder and OKCupid and immediately have a hundred beta males offering me their services. I'm sure that the reverse will work in your situation! Right?"

Pay close attention to this letter, gentlemen. This is typical of the kind of female advice that society loves to toss around. Because deep down inside, women want beta males to stay beta. They need a padded group of orbiters to give them stuff without having to reciprocate. If men woke up and actually started becoming romantic successes, that dynamic would change. And that is why girls are scared of the Red Pill. It threatens to upset the current status quo, one that benefits females immensely.

TL;DR: Women don't give a shit about "sexually unworthy" men. Female advice is solipsistic, halfhearted and unhelpful. If you need help, ask a man because that's the only way you'll improve.

[–]teeelo 246 points247 points  (62 children)

It's an incredibly depressing thought that if the Red Pill did not exist and I continued on the path I was on, I would either a) Suicide or b) become this empty shell of a Man.

Honestly I think suicide would come first. There is something very special about being a low SMV Man. It's a prison in your own body and depression is unavoidable. Having to be told to 'be yourself' or some other BS advice would just cause my brain to short circuit. Feeling one thing and being told another is too difficult to continue to bare.

It makes me rage internally whenever I realize that there are people in this world actively trying to suppress TRP.

[–]johnyann 202 points203 points  (29 children)

Im ugly as fuck. Big nose. Big goofy ears. Work shitty hours so I don't get enough sleep, resulting in pretty prominent circles under my eyes.

I've also been out busting my ass in the gym for the past 4 years straight. Im in incredible shape, and instead of being completely hopeless and constantly alone, I can date 6's and I couldn't be happier.

Im currently in a relationship with a really awesome girl who maybe isn't a supermodel, but I really like her, and I honestly couldn't say she's unattractive at all.

Just because you aren't Tom Brady doesn't mean life isn't worth living. Taking control of my life to make myself a more attractive person has in turn made me a much happier person.

[–]teeelo 93 points94 points  (3 children)

Kudos to that, and congrats on your success.

There is no mainstream, politically correct therapy or life style plan that would have fixed me. No therapist, psychologist or friend would ever have been able to give me the truth and the tools I need to fix my life.

TRP is a fucking godsend crafted by the best bros in the world.

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (2 children)

Right mainstream advice is too censored to sound politically correct and avoid controversy

It doesn't help at all

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

"Mainstream" advice is literally just saying what women want to hear.

Women want to believe (or just want other people to believe) that they are interested in guys who are "honest, caring, ambitious, etc..." They want to believe that they are so pure of heart that guys who "just be themselves" are what they're attracted to....

Not that I needed to explain why that is bullshit here.

[–]WingedScorpion 42 points42 points [recovered]


You need to write about this. I would say I'm a 7 with the fact that I've worked out and with nice clothes. But I'm not very attractive.

Girls have told me I'm an 8 with the game I spit, but when I look in a mirror and if I had my mouth taped, I know I'm a 7.

I can get 7's with a 60% success rate and I'm good with that.

The thing is, people go on and on about getting girls and people immediately imagine a perfect hottie.

I think we need more people like you to write an entire post about this. I have a friend who is ugly but he's tall and he's started lifting and he's still dating chubby 5-6's and he's happy!

Some people like you and me will know where our limits are out and work there. I used to strive for 8's all the time but it got exhausting so now I stick with 7's and if an 8 seems interesting or like I might have a chance I take it but I know there's a big possibility it's going to be a losing battle!

Do I hate myself and write posts about how "looks are everything" like all the other dumbasses around here? Fuck no, I work my level and I always strive for better. My friend works his level and is happy there.

I really think we need more people like you to talk about their experience because not all of us are born with a handsome face and we work with what we got. In your case it's the gym, in my case it's game.

People have told me I'm so smooth and I can get a girl to feel a million things when she's with me but all that won't count for this if she won't look at my twice. Which is why I've started lifting and the only reason she looks twice at my now is because of my arms(or body). My face is still unremarkable but now I have an entrance.

I'm just like you, but I think we have too many people here who consider themselves REALLY ugly and maybe they might be right or maybe they have just really been putting themselves down all these years but I think we need to take more steps to being realistic about possibilities and unless we have people like you telling their stories I do not think that will happen!

So when you have time, please make a post and make it in depth.

[–]2rp_valiant 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I think we could also stand to benefit from you writing an article about game. If you get really good results, you might have some useful insights that other RP guys could use to up their SMV. If you wrote an article on game and johnyann wrote an article about his workout, you could probably both jump up a point if you both stuck to each other's advice.

[–]PowerMasterLord 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I think sometimes a benefit to being a man is how we can be unsightly and still be sought after. I think women are turned on by the idea that a monster of a man might dominate her, for lack of better words.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

"I think we have too many people here who consider themselves REALLY ugly"

The one thing feminists got right was to hate on todays unrealistic beauty standards (for men and women).

I always thought it was nonsense and just girls whining until I started lifting and realized no matter what I did I would never be a Hodge Twin. Maybe not even a Dom Mazetti.

The thing to keep in mind when a man is judging his own looks is the competition. Sure there are some JJ Watt looking mother fuckers out there that have everything, but most dudes are flawed in some respect. Short, asymmetrical face, small dick, etc.

Mitigate the things you can't change by improving the things you can and don't dwell on/beat yourself up about shit you can't improve. That way leads hopelessness and depression.

Also I have no qualms about fucking 5s. I think if more dudes hit up some practice girls below their weight class it would help them catch the bigger fish. Worked for me.

Build up the base of that pussy pyramid with 4s and 5s, and down the line your game and sex skills will have improved to the point that you wont feel completely hopeless about reaching for some 9s-10s for that cap stone.

[–]An_All-Beef_Engineer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

no matter what I did I would never be a Hodge Twin

Do you eat enough? Are the weights you lift still increasing? Way to shoot yourself in the leg man.

[–][deleted] 49 points50 points  (9 children)

I was 6'3", pretty good looking, above average intelligence, and relatively fit (with a few extra pounds).

Still, when I was taking women's advice for dating, I put so much fucking work into putting the pussy on the pedestal. What did I get? I was lonely, miserable, broke, and whenever I did manage to get into a relationship with a 5 or a 6, the woman never respected me and I got like the minimum amount of sex possible. The worst part was that I knew I was doing everything right. I was full sail ahead to a miserable life and probably suicide.

Any actual advice that real men did manage to sneak through to me, I dismissed, because I talked about it with my lady friends who were giving me awful advice, and "we" agreed to shame the men who gave me the good advice. "Those guys are assholes, don't listen to them."

So after a while I stopped trying, bored one night I hit the random button and I come upon this subreddit. I was shocked. SHOCKED. How could these people say such awful things about women? Women are teenagers? Why are all these people so angry at women? Dark triad manipulation tactics? WTF? I was so disgusted, that I decided it was enough internet for the day.

But I kept thinking about it, something gnawing at my brain, I had to investigate further. So I came here a few days later with an open mind. I read, and I read, and I read the whole fucking sidebar in one sitting. I was enthralled, the more I read, the more things started to make fucking sense for once. "Of course girls like assholes!" I thought to myself.

It took me a long while before I even started applying any of this, but I instantly could see relationship-dynamics in a whole new light, and using the TRP model, so many things made sense. I could actually understand women and their motivations for once in my life. I always thought women were complicated alien creatures, turns out they were way way simpler than that, but that kind of language is not allowed to be talked about (especially in front of boys).

Anyway, long story short, once I started applying this, I could actually get sex and respect from women for once in my life, and it was too fucking easy sometimes. Now I'm in a 2 year LTR with a woman I love, and we can't get enough of each-other. Yet I would not have survived our first meeting without TRP, and there are so many times I had to apply things I learned here for the betterment of our relationship. She found this place once, and tried to fully shame me for it, I was just like "Eww, misogynists", and it calmed her down, yet I talk with her about TRP concepts in a nicer politically-correct way every few days, and she fully agrees with all of them, and even gives me examples from her life. If she only knew..

Now I still don't agree with any of the unempathetic dark-triad stuff slung around here, but everything else is fucking golden, and should be required reading for every boy wanting to become a man. TRP saved my life.

Edit: Holy shit, sorry for rant, didn't even notice how much I wrote.

[–]2popthatpill 44 points45 points  (3 children)

bored one night I hit the random button and I come upon this subreddit

On such closely-run things do the fates of men depend.

[–]TRP VanguardCyralea 18 points19 points  (1 child)

I've always internally thought of TRP as the Unifying Theory of Relationships. Most of us have seen bits and pieces of it here and there, but never has there been such a comprehensive compilation of it anywhere else.

[–]drallcom3 2 points2 points [recovered]

and it was too fucking easy sometimes

I was also surprised about how easy it can sometimes be. Once you can read a woman you can just go for it.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I didn't even need to do that, in the beginning I sometimes just acted like a caricature of a complete apathetic asshole, and (some) women completely ate that shit up, it was hilarious, shocking, and a little disgusting for me. But I quickly realized I don't want anything to do with those type of women long-term, so I had to develop my own style of game and put a lot of work into myself. Still the fundamentals taught here applied.

[–]Fapplemage 1 point2 points  (0 children)

posts like yours give me hope, so thanks for writing this.

[–]NucleiThots 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Dude, dark circles under your eyes are less about sleep and more about food allergies - they are called "allergic shiners"

[–]firstpitchthrow 24 points25 points  (9 children)

What you said, about a prison in your own body, I could not upvote that enough.

When I was young, that's what life was always like for me. I was never physically unattractive, and I managed to date a few girls, but I knew I was marginal. I was not very popular, not athletic (always picked last for teams). The only reason I ever clicked was because I was bright, and a few smart girls are already trying to line up prospects. I was fortunate that I was never an orbiter, primarily because I never bought girls stuff. However, seeing a nice girl walk by and just knowing I had no chance, its not just a prison of your own body, after awhile, it becomes a prison of your mind. You stop trying because you don't believe you can.

That's when you don't grow. Learn to use and to harness what you do well naturally and then work to amplify it.

[–]teeelo 9 points10 points  (7 children)

However, seeing a nice girl walk by and just knowing I had no chance, its not just a prison of your own body, after awhile, it becomes a prison of your mind. You stop trying because you don't believe you can

This describes me very well, nicely put.

I had more or less come to the ridiculous conclusion that God, the Universe, whatever...was screwing with me on purpose.

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

It's called learned helplessness.

When elephants are babies, they get a metal chain locked around their ankle, so they try and try but they cannot escape.

As the elephant grows to an adult, the metal chain is replaced by a thin old rope, but the elephant doesn't even try to escape, because he knows it is futile from his past experiences.

[–]MyReddit4 13 points14 points  (4 children)

Whoa - that's interesting insight. I've never even considered that view. I was also a late bloomer in terms of girls - brought up in a religious household. I have looks as my advantage and my thoughts were along the lines of "its been 10 years and I've never even kissed a girl - what the hell is wrong with them? Can't they even see me?"

Massive cognitive dissonance from being handsome that girls ignored me my entire life due to their fear of ME rejecting them. Which ironically lead to me being alone or dealing with really snotty, prissy, 8-10s who would try to take advantage of my then lack of game.

Each side has it's curse. Every man must evaluate his strengths and play to them, while making huge strides to eliminate weaknesses.

[–]TRP VanguardCyralea 7 points8 points  (3 children)

It's really interesting how male SMV works. I was also lucky enough to be born attractive, but grew up without male direction in my life. It's hard for a lot of people to believe that attractive guys can still be total losers and strike out with women. In my youth every relationship I was lucky enough to pull off was a ticking time bomb until she got fed up with my beta bullshit. They'd last months at the maximum.

Learning to spit game changed everything. And to think that such things are so taboo in society to discuss that it's preferable that men stay in the dark.

[–]MyReddit4 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Exactly. It's hard for me to imagine a time when I tried taking girls on Bible dates, or offering to buy things, bc it's what my mom said to do. Even though it felt so incongruent at the time.

The looks allows us to date in a higher league once our shit is together, but until then, being handsome and permanently alone leaves girls thinking wow, he looks like that & cant get any...there must be something really wrong with him... It's like the anti-preselection.

I'm only sharing this because it feels good to write, but I didn't even have my first GF till 23. She was a model, and had no idea I was a virgin, until she stumbled across my forum posts... Ironically, she was flattered a guy was trying to "figure it out" and she fell in love with me.

When I was 19 I distinctly remember hearing girls in the cafeteria gossiping about me. "yeah, he's such a stud, but I just can't imagine him ever with a girl." Guess they thought I was gay. The girl that said that ended up being the first girl to blow me. Then her best friend cheated on her bf with me for 9 months. Coincidentally right about the time I started lifting...funny, how that works...

[–]marplaneit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That was me 2 years a go...! Thanks god I found this subreddit

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (2 children)

I don't think not having a girlfriend or any female contact for that matter makes a man an empty shell. A man can have infinite access to pussy and still be an empty shell.

What defines an empty shell (in my mind), is a man doing nothing more than being born into this world and dying thereafter. A man without a dream is empty. It's the most important thing, and absolutely nothing can come before it in his heart. He'd be willing to sacrifice everything for it.

Of course, saying this anywhere would probably either label you as a psychopathic criminal or an autist.

[–]MyReddit4 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I agree - but don't forget - not everyone gets to live their fairytale.

For much of human history, you were expected to be born, reproduce, and die. And that was pretty much mission accomplished.

Dreams and passion lead to a life well lived, even if it's only for yourself. It's a shame to think of how many live, die, and are forgotten. Sink into the ether.

[–][deleted] 22 points22 points

[permanently deleted]

[–]AtlRP 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Speaking of experts on what women want, could you imagine dating a self-professed Romantic Advice Expert like this columnist? Christ. What a miserable excuse for a man she must attract.

[–]nishal1 4 points5 points  (0 children)

If she's hot she probably has no problems attracting men. She has problems keeping them around.

[–]antariusz 17 points18 points  (0 children)

It's out of the depth of depression that led me to begin my path to self-improvement about 8 years ago.

Yes, I never learned how to talk to women, and I was awkward, and a 25 year old virgin. The difference between myself and this dude, is he wasn't smart enough to learn from the right sources.

I mean, yea, 10 years ago, trying to find "pua" advice on the internet would have been difficult... But if you can't find the information today, you're not trying hard enough, or maybe you're just not smart enough to figure it out... and maybe you SHOULD be weeded out of the gene pool.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (1 child)

You talk about suicide.

I wonder if male suicide is so strong in emasculating modern society because it is a functional self destruct signal from nature that you're a dead weight on the tribe and your best contribution in liue of wealth, status, women, assets the best is to remove yourself from the community.

[–]TRP VanguardCyralea 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Trimming down the number of wombs hurts a tribe, trimming down the lowest-performing males boosts a tribe. Makes sense to me.

[–]1Snivellious 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Long before I ended up on TRP, it already seemed to me like "be yourself" was incredibly cruel advice to give unhappy people. I already am myself, that's the fucking problem.

If being yourself makes you so depressed you're considering suicide, then maybe the right advice isn't "keep doing that until you end up in a mental hospital". Maybe, just maybe, it would be smarter to help people find a way of life they're happy with. Help them overcome some of the problems in their lives that are making them so miserable.

But that wouldn't play into the modern "everything is innate" stereotype. If you're bad at math, or awkward, or fat, you shouldn't ever try to change that.

Because god forbid, you might succeed and start wondering what else you can change.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I'd rather be an ugly dude than an ugly chick.

[–]JMCastillo86 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree here, because an ugly dude can at least create something or even become something of worth to the world, where as an ugly broad will always be an ugly broad, or worse... a feminist.

[–]Boovs4life 0 points1 point  (4 children)

"Being myself" is what has made me a kissless virgin. Doing things that girls tell me even if they made me look like an idiot just do girls could liked me. Although thankfully I'm still pretty young I'm 18 most of my friends got laid since 16. Wish i could've found the RP as a freshman in high school. Now i graduated and i regret not even trying to ask out the girls i found attractive. Instead i accepted that even tho i was a fat, pimple faced slob, as long as i was myself girls will like me. And even tho i had a great sense of humour i had lots of friend girls but they all thought of me as a funny friend and my crushes always called me "buddy" thinking about this makes me cringe as i type. Luckily i will be going to college soon so I'll have a second chance at this. Meanwhile I am lifting, and instead of reading bullshit books like the Hunger Games and graphic novels that bring nothing to my life I'm reading books like "Mastery" and "Antifragile." I lost 24 pounds and most of my acne is gone (huge self esteem killer.) I am looking for some place to buy a guitar bc that's another thing i was too lazy to do to learn to play an instrument. I got much more to improve but i am enjoying the journey of self improvement. While my friends are playing League of Legends and Magic the Gathering I'm at the gym. While my friends are eating Big Macs I'm eating chicken breast and salad. I've actually lost some friends bc I lost the time wasting interests they have. So long srory short being yourself is BS that women and betas tell you.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

if you still have pimples go on the generic version of Accutane. It's a pill, gets rid of acne in a month, and you never really have acne again.

[–]Boovs4life 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I actually don't have any pimples left it's the acne scars that are a bitch to get rid of right now. My skin is smooth and all but i got the scars left.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

fuck man that sucks. docs should have put you on Accutane, I was close to scarring until they gave me it

[–][deleted] 85 points86 points  (13 children)

Very few women understand the downward spiral that some men go through.

  1. Rejection decreases confidence
  2. Lower confidence lowers SMV
  3. Lower SMV increases rejection and reduces the number of women a man will approach
  4. Additional approaches breed more rejection, thus lowering confidence
  5. Rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat

Having been in the cycle myself in my late teens and early 20s it wreaks havoc on confidence and ones ego, is brutally difficult to break out of and easy to backslide into. The downward spiral is something that some guys go through and it sounds like this guy. It's understandable because the male hamster starts to rationale in this position. "When I get into college I'll meet a bunch of women" then it doesn't happen, "When I get my degree and a job I'll meet a woman" then it doesn't happen, etc.

Most women just don't understand how guys can fall into this spiral, give up and become disillusioned. After all women have been told how incredibly special they are, so guys must be falling over themselves to meet them, right? So any guy who has been single up until 35 simply must not want a woman. Of course that is not the case, but it goes to show a disconnect between how men and women view each others intents and actions. It's easy, and unfortunate, to see how a guy could get to 35 without ever getting a woman

[–]wordjedi 21 points21 points [recovered]

"When I get into college I'll meet a bunch of women" then it doesn't happen, "When I get my degree and a job I'll meet a woman"

I knew a lot of guys in engineering school who thought this way. They frequently ended up married to a fat lady (with a big ugly tramp stamp from her "party years"), with mortgage, 2.3 kids, etc.

Maybe I would have too, but I had a crazy skinny hippie girlfriend in college who fucked me ten thousand times. In today's SMP I guess the best I could have done would have been a chubby party girl. Anyway, after that I never thought vaginas were anything special. Plenty of gold diggers tried and failed to lock me down as a beta.

[–]subarusti43 4 points5 points  (4 children)

I like how you said engineering guys. Honestly though, you're right. My stepdad is an engineer and his ex-wife is one of the most homely looking women I've ever seen. When he met my mom I'm sure he was like "WTF have I been doing with my life?!" But also, I've found that a lot of engineering folks (both men and women) lack a lot of social and dating skills.

[–]1dongpal 2 points3 points  (3 children)

is this a common thing in the US with engineering? here in germany its typical IT guys

[–]maxrp 3 points3 points [recovered]

in UK its degree educated IT guys earning a comfortable wage end up with all sorts of sub-par women. gold diggers. single mothers. loser girls with health problems. fat girls etc. High value girls just want these safe-beta guys for a time to recover their egos and get back to attracting Alphas.

[–]nolightspared 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's the UK, I doubt the problem is only felt by iT guys.

[–]subarusti43 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe? I'm not sure if it's everyone, but from personal experience and most of my stepdad's friends are engineers, they all lack a normal sense of social skills. But they're all in their 50s so maybe it's just age.

[–]antariusz 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Women love a man in the military, I'll stop working this dead end job and go fight terrorists...

(that was me)

The difference is how long do you let the spiral continue. I began reading seduction books and dating advice books and posting online trying to get advice from men at 25. Because honestly, I was depressed to the point of considering weeding myself out of the gene pool just to speed up the process... I was willing to try anything, do anything, just to learn... except prostitutes (because of my blue pill upbringing)... God I was stupid. But I figured it out, and then it was just trial and error of making further and further progress. You don't have to be smart, you just have to know enough to know how to learn something, which is the very definition of intelligence. unintelligent people won't reproduce, good.

[–]Luckyluke23 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Rejection decreases confidence Lower confidence lowers SMV Lower SMV increases rejection and reduces the number of women a man will approach Additional approaches breed more rejection, thus lowering confidence Rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat

this is pretty much the past 3+ years of my life since i joined game / trp.

once you go threw this period what is next?

[–]ProductivityMonster 3 points4 points  (1 child)

you suck it up, start approaching, and realize it's a numbers game. RP tactics will help, but it's still on you to get over your fears.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

The worst thing about the spiral is that you have to want to get out of it. Otherwise it can suck you in. The best advice I have for any guy stuck in the spiral is to go out and start talking to women. Go to the club and you don't have to go home with a girl, it doesn't make one a failure. Even the alphas-alpha, the ultimate slayer of pussy has had more women reject him than accept him.

Once you are out of the spiral it is important to make sure one doesn't backslide into it. It is easy to let future rejections start the male hamster again; "Oh that one girl only slept with me because she is a slut", "she just wanted to make me her beta-bux", "back to normal with the rejection and other guys getting the girls". These are toxic thoughts that can toss a man right back into the spiral. Maybe the best strategy is once a guy has upward momentum, embrace it and use it as a catapult to get as far from the spiral as possible.

[–]ioncloud9 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Women have a hard time putting themselves in somebody else's position. Girls that I've been with who've used tinder and okcupid just cant believe that the male experience on those apps is not even on the same planet as theirs.

[–][deleted] 63 points64 points  (11 children)

It's simple projecting. Women can just "be yourself" because guys will fuck them even if they're covered in garbage, passed out behind a dumpster.

[–]uni3993 16 points16 points [recovered]

This, I have a female friend who has bipolar disorder (literally crazy), doesn't even shave her legs (let alone arms, vagina), has a lot of acne on her face, 4/10 at most and she can fuck any guy she wants (100+ notch count). Even worked as a prostitute once a period in her life .

[–]ChanThunderwang 34 points35 points  (3 children)

If a man fails in life, he has to pay to get sex.

If a woman fails in life, she gets paid for sex.

[–]tomysotomayorfuxboys 11 points12 points  (1 child)

If a man fails in life, he has to pay to get sex.

If a man at least has money to pay for sex he hasn't failed in life.

[–]fullhalf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

women are always paid for sex. 90% of the time, a man can't fuck a woman without spending some money.

[–]-Quotidian 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Personally I'd rather fuck an anthill than a passed out, garbage-crusted bitch behind a dumpster. I understand the analogy, but I can hardly imagine ever being that desperate.

[–]PoopSmearMoustache 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I see someone hasn't been to Mardi-gra.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Shame on you for missing the Patrice O'Neal reference!

[–]fullhalf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this be yourself stuff is so hypocritical. women should be themselves and not use make up at all. let's see what happens then.

[–]t0r7 28 points29 points  (18 children)

I am in the same boat as this guy, I am 33 and never had a girlfriend. I am not attractive and not rich. I dont even know where to start, I didnt give up yet. I have been going to prostitutes since the age of 25, thats how I get sex. I have 0 self-esteem thats why I dont even bother asking girls out, I wouldnt date me so why would a girl. Am I too far gone ? Can you guys give real advice please ?

[–]Endorsed Contributorredpillbanana 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Do you really want a girlfriend? Just go out and be yourself! You can find plenty of girls on OKCupid. /s

You need to find ways to improve:

  • Income/career
  • Physique
  • Style/dress
  • Presence/speech
  • Social interaction/game

You're on this sub already so you've got a leg up on most other guys. Use your advantage. You know what you need to improve, now do research and find out how to do it.

[–]darkrood 35 points36 points  (4 children)

you are 33. There are bunch of 33 years old right now who are:

  1. Locked in prison and am forced to get dicked everyday
  2. got his dick chopped off, or born impotent
  3. born with no eyesight, so has no idea whether a girl is good looking or not. Can't even watch porn as an option
  4. born in a shit backward place where there is 0 good looking women, even the decent one required tons of money for marriage
  5. dodging bullets or bombs to survive

My suggestion:

  1. If you have mental issue, Take care of it first through a good professional.

  2. Once you can at least talk to people, go out to supermarket, stores, or restaurant. Any place that the peronnels usually are nicer due to their profession, and just talk about random things.

ex: buying grocery and at the cash register You: (Look at the tabloid) LoL! This says that Aliens were found in this Texas ranch. Cashier: blah blah blah You: Yea, I know. Crazy world.

Do it a couple of times until you are comfortable.

  1. Dress well. Don't look like a hobo that smells with unwashed clothing.

  2. talk to any woman who is alone by herself. Begin with something interesting about her. Ex: Crazy earring, the book she's reading. Watch some comic

  3. End the conversation within 5 mins, then excuse yourself by saying "Well, it's nice talking to you. I would really like to take you out to coffee sometimes. Could I get your#?"

Gradually, you can tell whether if someone is interested in you or not.

Most importantly, Improve yourself with real skills like writing code, fixing computer, playing guitars, and speak foreign languages. These are skills that would transfer well in your career as well as making you have interesting to talk about. ex: how many cuss words do they have in Spanish for pussy? or talk to women with foreign language to trip them up :D

What i would do as general guide line:

  1. Improve: improve yourself by acquiring tangible skills

  2. Approach: Approach women who you find interesting

  3. Learn: Learn from your mistakes

[–][deleted] 6 points6 points

[permanently deleted]

[–]darkrood 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This, too. Talking to guys would build a group of people that you can do stuff with, on top of it, you can get job prospect through them, too.

Ex: was lifting in Gym, two guys just randomly chat up about something. Amid the conversation, the young guy talk about losing his job recently. The older guy just whipped out his business card said: "I like you, call this number. Tell them you know XXX. (Smile)." That was it.

[–]t0r7 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Thank you for your answer. I dont have mental issues maybe just no confidence and low self-esteem. I can talk to women when I am drunk mostly, but sober I never know what to say. I will hit the gym soon, moving out and new apart has a gym nearby , I just need to find the courage to go once.

[–]darkrood 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Look at comic stand-up. Apply critical thinking on mundane things, then you will find out a lot of things on your mind to talk about: EX: Russel Peters. George Carlins, Bill hicks, Chris Rock, Bill Burr.

They also provide a lot of sexual dynamic in their talk, fun yet educational :D

Talking to women drunk is not always good if you can't do it sober. A lot of times, drunk people have a strong tolerance of erratic behaviors because they are either too into their own things or DGAF. Tons of guys crash and burn in crucial public speaking, yet be like the cool jerk who DGAF at parties.

Lifting is like one of the way to improve you as a product. Anything that makes "YOU" look better or perform better, do it.

Btw, sex with a fat belly does cramp your style when you try to switch it up. At least, that's my main reason to get fit, to feel better at sex.

GYM is really good to do your things, just don't "planet fitness" (look at their ads and review, avoid those types of gyms) GayLubeOil and other rper have different workout suggestion, listen to their suggestion on that.

[–]Five_Decades 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I was a late bloomer myself. What I found was that even when you get those things, they don't 'complete' you. Being complete comes from within.

But I think that women becoming financially independent has drastically risen their standards since they don't need resources the way they once did. Combine that with internet dating where every mediocre woman can get endless validation and women's hypergamy has gone into overdrive.

Basically if you are in the bottom 80-90% of men, it is a very hard road to sow nowadays. Even when you get a relationship that is no guarantee of things working out. You may not be compatible, one of you may cheat, one of you may have resentment on all the opportunities you passed over, etc.

[–]philovivero 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Where do you live? I think I'd find it interesting to hang out with you and help if it's greater LA area.

If not, well. Start with the sidebar. Spend a good 60-80 hours reading EVERYTHING in it.

[–]BlackBananas 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Come through if u in Chicago!!

[–]t0r7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am in Canada , and I wouldnt be great company anyways ^

[–]tomysotomayorfuxboys 4 points5 points  (3 children)

It is better and cheaper to fuck prostitutes than it is to have a shitty girlfriend, baby-mother, wife, or ex-wife raping your bank account. Consider yourself lucky for having dodged the bloodsucking bitch bullet. Prostitutes can't ask you for shit after you finish fucking them and pay them. Girlfriends, wives, etc. can just continue with a non-stop stream of demands. Also, by their 30s and up, most women have accumulated a large amount of baggage. Get into a relationship with them and you have to put up with that shit. Their problems become your problems.

[–]ragerdat 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Honestly if i were to tell you to start somewhere its exercise. Learn it, live it, breathe it. Not only will it improve your body but also your mental state. You'll be surprised the amount of confidence you can have with a well sculpted body.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Start by meditating daily (which is like lifting for your mind) and lifting. Take the time to really ingrain those habits before taking other steps. The goal initially is not to get laid but to start feeling better about yourself.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you really want something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.

[–]drallcom3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You know where to start. In your free time go lift and fix your diet. At work try to become better. That's all you have to do for the next 6 months. The confidence will magically appear once you see your muscles grow and know that you're good at your job.

[–]McLarenX 53 points54 points  (19 children)

Never listen to what women say they want. Look at the guys they fuck and learn from them. They are usually athletic, interesting, not emotionally needy, and have lots of options in life.

[–]SnarkyFella 31 points32 points  (18 children)

Yeah man. Looking back at high school, the guys who got laid were the jerks. Shy quiet and polite me was a loser whereas drug dealers, guys who didnt give a fuck and guys who matured earlier and were bigger got the girls even though they were dicks.

[–]McLarenX 14 points15 points  (11 children)

As a man you can learn and grow. You may even be more mature at this point in time than those guys are. Some of them are probably locked up in prison. Once you realize your full potential, you'll be a lot more powerful than any of them.

[–]SnarkyFella 22 points23 points  (10 children)

Funny thing is, When I look on facebook. Those guys ended up nowhere. I'm still a virgin at 24 but I graduated college and have a great job. Whereas they have kids with girls they arent even together with and are fat/depressed or fading quickly. I was a late bloomer in terms of puberty and a lot of other things. I've only recently swallowed the pill and started self improvement but I am starting to feel a lot better and less depressed.

[–]ChanThunderwang 21 points22 points  (1 child)

The advantage of being a 25 year old fat or very skinny virgin with academic success is that you can turn around your life in one year. Work out, get a good haircut and one year later you are a good looking man with a good job.

Whereas a sexual experienced 25 yo man without a good job can not just decide "In one year I want to be a doctor". And even worse, he can get fat within one year and is left with nothing.

Academic success accumulates through life. While only your last one or two years of life are relevant for your success with women. In one or two years you can get fit, get into a new social circle that does not even know your former beta side and you are seen as an alpha. And the jock of high school just has to gain weight, move and now everybody sees him as a failed man who can not stop talking about his high school football experience.

[–]SnarkyFella 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You're totally right man. I know my life is improving and I need to get out there more. I haven't given up. I won't give up.

[–]McLarenX 11 points12 points  (7 children)

Good job. My older brother was in the same position and he married a fat Colombian who is literally a hb3. I haven't seen him an a year but he goes to her horrible family every other month on the other side of the country. She even likes all my shirtless selfies on Facebook which is fucking embarrassing.

Don't worry, you'll get there. Just slowly build your SMV, maintain friendships that help you grow, and eventually way take steps to kill your anxiety and approach women. It's not as daunting after a while if you have a plan, short and long term goals, and the drive to get it done. By the time your 30 people will think you've been a lifelong ladies man.

[–]SnarkyFella 7 points8 points  (3 children)

Thanks man, I appreciate the advice. A big mistake I made was not working out earlier. One thing I have going for me is my height. I grew very quickly and very late. I'm 6'4". Thing is, I wasn't eating right and the weight was catching up very slowly. Since I started working out recently I've put on 10lbs. I'm around 185 right now which is still fairly skinny but I've been lifting consistently for a couple of months now and enjoy the progress. If i stick with it i'll be in great shape for the summer, maybe even before then.

[–]McLarenX 9 points10 points  (1 child)

One thing I wish I had done better when I was younger was tracking my progress and having a solid diet plan. Trust me, tracking your lift numbers and calories/macros pays off in spades. Besides proper recovery, tracking your progress and nutritional numbers will skyrocket you above most people who "work out".

[–]SnarkyFella 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yea I'm tracking it all on myfitnesspal app and stronglifts app

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Dude your height is a blessing. Don't be a pussy about not eating enough, been there, done that. 1kg lasagna and cake helped me gaining tremendous amount of strength, sometimes I think this is too easy.

[–]CajunBindlestiff 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Stumbled upon this thread, what's smv?

[–]McLarenX 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Haha, if you're not familiar with Redpill by all means read the sidebar materials. It will explain our basic theories, sexual strategy, and life philosophy. If you like what you read, then welcome to the lifestyle my friend.

[–]tenor11 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It means Sexual Market Value. It's basically an arbitrary measurement of how attractive you are to women. But not in terms of looks, although looks are a part of that. In terms of your whole self both inside and out.

[–]D-stroyer 5 points5 points [recovered]

That's not necessarily true, though I do understand your point. I want to highlight that doing stupid/wreckless shit doesn't equate being attractive to women. I saw a kid here last week saying he wanted to "do drugs" to seem cooler and the people here rightfully explained that it wasn't the drugs that were attractive but the daring if I could call it that which could be seen as attractive.

I have done a lot of drugs as well as done a lot of other stupid shit and I'm not old at all, yet because I was never taught I kinda stumbled through experiences with women like a lot of other guys here. What I'm saying is drugs don't equal anything special.

[–]SnarkyFella 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I agree. Doing stupid/wreckless shit is just plain stupid. The real important piece is not giving a fuck and being a bit of a dick.

[–]fullhalf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i cant believe that so many guys still don't understand this "jerks" thing. that guy is not a jerk. he's a jerk to you because you are shit to him. he can dominant you easily. he doesn't want to be your friend. you have nothing he wants. girls don't like jerks. they like the kind of guy that can have any girl and those guys only act like jerks because they can throw out any girl and another one is up in line.

[–]1Snivellious 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's funny - that's the observation that constantly gets labeled "nice guy", but it's not an entitlement thing. It's not "I'm so nice, why doesn't Susie love me?", it's "Why does Susie love the guy who cheats on her and calls her a cunt every day?"

[–]nishal1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I realize now that girls weren't going after jerks. They were going after men more invested in themselves than her and more honest about their sexuality, and these men just happened to also be jerks.

[–]ransay3277 12 points13 points  (0 children)

This article/letter is a perfect example of why you never ask a woman for advice.

First: women tell you what you want to hear and not what you need to know.

Second: Women and betas always project what the other sex finds attractive to them as if the other sex finds those same things attractive in you.

Third: As others have said here: forget what they say, look at what they do!

As the writer of this thread stated... "Women want beta males to stay beta." Especially in there mid-thirties. By then they are hitting the wall and they want a "provider". And that provider isn't going to be an alpha male or a red-piller! Those guys are on to younger women and she is left with the kids and her wrinkles. And she probably wonders why the guys could not care less about her nice home and good career.

The best advice for this guy would be to get to the gym, concentrate on his finances and spend at least a 1/2 hour a day on YouTube checking out my man Tom Leykis.

I'm sorry if I offend some beta's sensibilities, but I have to call it as I see it.

[–]MortalSisyphus 33 points33 points [recovered]

My jaw dropped when I read the question, "Do you really want a girlfriend?" She must be out of her mind.

But then I thought about it a bit more... This guy is 35. I can't imagine going that long without being with a woman. I simply want it too much to let that happen, it's not even an option in my mind. Which makes me feel he must not want it enough, or he would have gone for it by now.

It's a difficult situation to relate to, I start wondering if maybe we are missing information, like he has Aspergers or something...

[–][deleted] 35 points36 points  (1 child)

Many people want things. Few will ever stand up and take them. I believe that everyone has the capability to do so, though. Compare it to sitting in a meeting, but having to piss really fucking badly. Eventually you'll either get up and go piss, risking appearing rude, or you'll hold it in and suppress that urge and you'd eventually piss on yourself.

That's the situation betas are in. They're too afraid to get up and satisfy their natural urges. They don't want to be aggressive, they don't want competition or conflict. They don't want to confront their awkwardness, which would go away if they'd just start working towards it. These "men" would rather piss on themselves than to get their needs met.

Somehow these men (and many of us in the past, myself included) have separated ourselves from nature so far to the point that we think that we don't have to compete and strive for valuable things such as basic survival needs and sexual reproduction.

Males compete and grind for everything they want or need in life, just the fucking way it is, boys. Remember that you exist in nature, not separate from it, and that you must play your part. As a male, that means you have two choices - compete or die.

[–]PlanB_pedofile 15 points16 points  (3 children)

This guy is 35. I can't imagine going that long without being with a woman

Some blokes are not meant to breed. This is why Red Pill is very different from seduction. Deal with terms of your SMV and accepting being an incredible low SMV man.

You then forge new paths of self improvement, foregoing the fantasy of women to focus on other things like wealth, power, fitness.

Even though you may be an ugly mother fucker, you can at least strive to be a bad ass ugly mother fucker.

[–]ChanThunderwang 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Deal with terms of your SMV and accepting being an incredible low SMV man.

And this is a reason why I would not judge beta providers... For this guy, it would be a success to get a 35 yo ex-party girl who sucked 100 dicks.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Why should they be judged any less? They're at a lower spot on the totem pole and will score lower if they even do. That's all a product of their decisions which is open to judgement.

[–]ChanThunderwang 4 points5 points  (0 children)

They're at a lower spot on the totem pole

Actually, no.

Maybe the top 20% of men make AVERAGE women wet simply by the way they look. (If you want to get HOT women simply by looking good yourself, being in the top 20% is not even enough.)

Another 40% of men can get OKAY women actually by being nice to them and providing. The classic beta bux. This is not at all the lowest of men.

There are also the lowest 40% of men. They have to spend money and women and even then they just get fat women or no women at all.

Getting a basic slut when she is in her 30s is not at all the worst that can happen to a man. It is average. The lowest of men do not even get this.

[–]luciansolaris 2 points3 points  (0 children)


[Praise KEK!](67866)

[–]Brave_Horatius 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The longer your in a rut the harder it is to get out of it.

[–]fullhalf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

it's just condescending shit.

[–]ambassador_of_porn 10 points11 points  (0 children)

deleted What is this?

[–][deleted] 130 points131 points  (20 children)

Reading your letter I can’t help but wonder: do you really want a girlfriend? You note that you’d love to be able to introduce one to family and mates, but what would you want to do with her the rest of the time? If your life is full of other kinds of good relationships – and it certainly sounds like it is – then maybe you don’t need a girlfriend.

Translation: "You fucker, how dare you try to get out of the beta-orbiter zone! Get back in!" Typical female advice. She doesn't want him to improve, even after he's specifically said he would really like to be intimate with girls. She is internally so disgusted by the sight of a socially anxious virgin male that she's encouraging him to basically give up and drop out of the gene pool. Maybe become a gay uncle type of guy down the road, helping with other people's children.

A bit harsh here mate. She can't fathom what it is for men on the dating market. That's all. For a (non-incredibly-ugly) woman, you can't go single through your 20's without actually wanting to stay single, so her default line of reasoning is that he probably simply doesn't want it. No need to see evil in her answer here.

EDIT: Your whole post is trying to see evil intent in her answer. There's not. She is simply unable to empathise with a man's dating issues because of her solipsism. Your conclusion stands.

  • Addendum: just to clarify: it's ok guys, I'm not trying to tone-troll. Im not criticising the anger phase. I'm just discussing redpill analysis. To me, this specific case is more a "failure to empathise through solipsism" rather than a "threat to the FI of a BB stepping out of his role" that OP saw in it. That's all. My choice of words to make my point could have been better I admit

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

OP still in anger phase and cant yet see what you know.

He will. Sometimes I miss the hatred and anger as it made me lift and run til I puked

[–]merteil2 54 points55 points  (3 children)

If I had to guess, I'd say OP is being overly harsh on purpose to "shock" readers out of any bluepill sentiments. I doubt OP actually believes Eva is some plotting evil Disney villain; but RedPill often uses inflammatory language in order to make a solid point.

[–]Endorsed ContributorInvalidity 26 points27 points  (1 child)

TRP uses inflammatory language often to highlight the seriousness of the topic being discussed. Often times, calm, rational language does not quite get the point across to someone who is thinking emotionally.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I think there's also something to be said for rational analysis. I've spoken with many redpillers who can't have a discussion on relationships without speaking this way. There needs to be balance.

[–]1rife_omeqa 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Hit the nail on the head here.

Hanlon's Razor: "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity". Same goes for ignorance.

[–]ModMachiavellianRed[M] 49 points50 points  (6 children)

He can be as harsh as he likes. This is the red pill, not the pink pill.

[–]ChanThunderwang 22 points23 points  (3 children)

Thing is, OP is not harsh, but just wrong.

Eva did not think: "How can I put this beta male into his place?"

Eva thought: "If I do not get laid or if I am single, it is because I want to. So it is the same for him... Just create an online profile and hundreds of women want to take your virginity."

/u/Carminn is 100% right.

[–]fullhalf 3 points4 points  (0 children)

i think it's more than that. i've seen this a few times before. women don't want any man to pretend to be alpha. either you're born with it or not. so they don't want to give out advice to any man to go out and pretend to be alpha. the thing is, they don't know that alpha qualities can be faked and still activate their brainstem for sex.

[–]johnyann 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Why would he write a newspaper dating advice column if he didn't actually want a girlfriend?

I actually agree with OPs analysis here. She didn't know how to respond.

[–]3NO_LAH_WHERE_GOT 4 points5 points  (2 children)

The question is, was she malicious or ignorant?

I think what she's trying to do is to just make him feel better. That's the role she plays as an advice column. The words are filler. She's just saying "there, there." She has no practical advice because she has no idea what he's going through.

The idea that she's deliberately trying to hold him down is rather misguided.

[–]johnyann 1 point2 points  (1 child)

No I just think she's incapable of helping him.

[–]Nazrath2112 2 points3 points  (2 children)

A bit harsh here mate.

Actually I would say, not harsh enough.

[–]3NO_LAH_WHERE_GOT 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I think we shouldn't think about these things in terms of "is it harsh" but rather "is it true".

/u/Carminn is no less harsh. OP implies (I oversimply) that we live in a cruel world. Carminn implies (oversimplifying again) that we live in an indifferent universe. The latter is in some senses far harsher.

[–]friendlysociopathic 31 points32 points  (12 children)

I try to be a voice of reason on TRP when it comes to avoiding the tendency to label everything as AWALT etc. As a result, I hope it means something special when I say that that woman is a solipsistic piece of total garbage.

[–]CreateTheFuture 1 point2 points  (11 children)

There's a reason the acronym even exists, dude. Hint -> it's because all women are like that.

[–]friendlysociopathic 11 points12 points  (7 children)

Yeah, and radfems say all men are rapists. In both cases, the statement is true when talking about POTENTIAL - but to argue that all women will always act like retarded unreliable ho's in all situations lowers you to the rhetorical level of SJWs. It's a generalization that, if treated as a universal fact, will make you miserable and ruin your ability to maintain a positive frame when talking to girls.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

No, it's because all women have the potential to be like that, and you should keep your ass covered just in case.

I can say "All tigers eat people" and someone will chime in "Not all tigers, I know a few tigers that don't eat people, they are very well trained and respectable". Still, when push comes to shove, even the best trained tiger can go bonkers and eat your fucking face.

All we're saying is, don't get chained up to a tiger for the rest of your life, even if you really like the tiger and it never hurt you before.

[–]DodgedAFew 12 points13 points  (2 children)

> Reading your letter I can’t help but wonder: do you really want a girlfriend?

This is a solid MGTOW advice though.

[–]2Overkillengine 15 points16 points  (0 children)

In the correct context, sure. Her context however, is disingenuously ensuring he never actualizes by giving him advice that benefits others more than himself.

Basically the perpetuation of the status quo that led him to be unhappy enough to seek advice.

[–]tallwheel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was my first thought too. He also might actually have more success with women if he stops pedastilizing them and thinking he needs one for validation. Developing a solid DGAF attitude is a good first step toward happiness - whether that includes women in one's life or not.

[–]Endorsed Contributormonsieurhire2 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Speaking of OKStupid, anyone else in their thirties notice how they're always trying to match you up with disgusting, leftover hags just because of your age? I routinely get emailed matches of dowdy women in their late thirties and early to mid forties. Lol. Such a waste of time. Unsurprisingly, that was also my mother and sister's advice after I broke up with my LTR: "Go on OKCupid! It worked for your sister!" Me: "Yeah, that's because all she had to do was sift through all the messages, whereas, I'm expected to write them. Fuck that." Completely clueless and solipsistic.

[–]Cromulent_Username69 7 points7 points [recovered]

"Be yourself" is actually brilliant advice if you interpret it in the right way.

[–]Hang10Dude 6 points7 points  (5 children)

You're absolutely right. Amazingly, "be yourself" is actually the best advice there is in dating (especially if we are talking about dating women).

The cruel irony of the matter, however, is that most people have no idea what it means to "be themselves."

[–]philovivero 7 points8 points  (2 children)

I am a conscientious polite guy who wants to placate my woman and make sure she never suffers a day of her life. And I don't like to lift.


"Be yourself" is shitty advice to everyone always. The proper advice is "pay attention to what makes men attractive to women, and fake that until you are that. Once you have had 3 women in one day, and 7 women in 7 days, then AND ONLY THEN you may start 'being yourself.'"

[–]wehadtosaydickety 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Depends how you look at it. I feel more true to myself as a TRPer than I did as a nice guy, I just didn't realize it. All of that niceness layered on top of my true self felt like 'being myself,' because that's what I was conditioned to be.

I think the idea is to find pieces of TRP that feel true to you as let them out, that's how you become a natural

[–]PeanutFlavor 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I was thinking the same thing. "Being yourself"--being totally unapologetic and shameless about your personal interests is absolutely the way to go. It makes me laugh when a person who hasn't been introduced to RP says "be yourself" because its comes off as totally empty. Its just a phrase stemmed from pure indoctrinated bullshit Disney framing when THEY say it.

[–]darkrood 2 points3 points  (0 children)


"Be yourself" = "Be the best version of yourself"

No girl talks about her lover's flaws as something that they are proud of, unless it is trying to show how "mature and accepting" she is.

[–]monzzter221 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Here's the advice I give men like this.

Get a hooker. Why not? Is it embarrassing? More embarrassing than being a 35 year old virgin?

Get it out of your system, then get out there and start makcing.

Let me tell you something about hookers. If you're pedestalizing women, and have lofty, unrealistic views on relationships, a whore is a quick, bitter pill to get that nasty mindset right out of you're system. You've got a virgin that wants to fall in love, the perfect woman, someone he can be perfectly at ease with, or whatever, and maybe that's what's taking him so long to get laid. What quicker way to get him over that shit than if he has to blatantly admit to himself that he just needs some god damn pussy?

Seriously, I have this buddy, he had some trouble with the ladies, started frequenting some hookers out of desperation, did that a bit too long and spent a bit too much, now that motherfucker is banging chicks I have problems pulling and getting them to do shit I wouldn't even be interested in.

[–][deleted] 1 points1 points

[permanently deleted]

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thats it right there: for a woman "being yourself" works because there's innate value in simply being a female. Beta males are invisible to women so how could they even begin to understand how males worth needs to be earned with hard work or genetic lottery.

[–]ghostbrainalpha 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Man asking woman for advice about how to be man......

Like Pig asking Chicken how to lay eggs.

[–]IDontCareForTurtles 3 points4 points  (0 children)

People really misread this one because OP mislabeled the title. He starts off by saying a 35 year old virgin but no where in the guys letter does he mention being a virgin, OP just went ahead and took some liberties there which really primed us readers. The author of the letter most likely has had several female partners though none have seemed to last more than a short period of time. He's likely a fairly well adjusted man who likely over rates himself and may have been looking for THE ONE instead of someone that he gets along with but isnt perfect. Im speculating here but OP took liberties here to bash both the author and Eva for really no good reason.

[–]jaimewarlock 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I use to offer to take incels with me to Pattaya, Thailand. At first they seemed excited, but then would chicken out due to random fears.

I have become convinced that at the heart of every incel is a coward.

[–]jekosnejev 3 points4 points  (0 children)

There is a special place in hell for this woman and any other like her, the raging inner hell of childhood trauma, anxiety and depression that almost drove me over the edge once and forced me to worship the iron, take up boxing, move cities and cut my parents out of my life. Honestly, I wouldn't think twice about giving that bitch a black eye. This is how mad I am. Stay frosty, gents.

[–]mugatucrazypills 7 points8 points  (7 children)

Women don't give a shit about "sexually unworthy" men.

corrected: women don't give a shit about men.

[–]needsomehelp3211[S] 18 points19 points  (6 children)

Actually, I've found that women will move heaven and Earth in order to get sex and commitment from Brent, captain of the lacrosse team. But that's because he's muscular, dominant - a leader who towers over everyone else in the room. Women will care a lot about that type of guy.

Too bad that type of guy also has so many options he doesn't need to commit to any one woman.

[–]ConfirmedCynic 28 points29 points  (1 child)

They don't care about Brent as a person, they care about his status. If Brent was injured and started sitting around home moping, he'd be dropped like a hot potato.

[–]darkrood 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Women care a lot about someone who really doesn't care.

[–]Senior Contributorexit_sandman 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Translation: "You fucker, how dare you try to get out of the beta-orbiter zone! Get back in!" Typical female advice. She doesn't want him to improve, even after he's specifically said he would really like to be intimate with girls.

No. Hanlon's Razor: “Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.”

She isn't trying to condemn the guy to a lifetime of solitude, she just can't wrap her mind around the fact that someone can be for all intents and purposes normal with normal wants and desires and still end up romance- and sexless. He either has to be defective or (subconsciously) not really want a partner, because the experience of women doesn't account for the possibility that you're too unremarkable to attract anyone without working your ass off for it.

So yeah, you're right, that article is an example for female solipsism.

[–]B0u1dA 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Never look to The Guardian for anything pertinent relating to manhood.

[–]gymgoer205 5 points6 points  (8 children)

Someone should direct this guy to this Subreddit.

[–]darkrood 1 point2 points  (5 children)

I thought we don't talk about RP outside of this sub.

[–]1REDPILLRECKONING 6 points7 points  (2 children)

My thoughts on women have gotten so simple as I've gotten older. Sexual attraction begets sex. If you want a woman to lust after you get the fitnotes app, subscribe to reddits spotify workout playlist and go ham 6 days a week for a few months. Make sure your lifts increase, eat accordingly, get a massive back, arms and chest and watch the poon roll in.

[–]ragerdat 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Although i somewhat agree with you i think coming into exercise with the mindset of pulling chicks is detrimental.

You should be focused on self improvement not getting poon.

[–]1REDPILLRECKONING 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree, I'm just suggesting a simple answer to his problem. Why you get in there and wake upp day after day may very well change over time.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hire a hooker. Problem solved. Women always complicate shit like this when the solution is so simple.

[–]MimosaKitty 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think the other part of the problem is that this woman genuinely believes what she is saying. She isn't aware of her underlying instinctive motivations, and may even think that her advice is genuinely helpful.

"Niceness" and social harmony is valued more than truth or progress among BluePill social circles (I don't want to say feminine, mostly because it happens in any social circle where the individuals have fragile self-images, including male beta ones). Therefore, women often won't tell one another the truth.

The thing is, the advice she give IS TRUE. For OTHER FEMALES. So, she's either doing what OP says she's doing in terms of being annoyed at the "rising-beta", or she genuinely (naively) believes what she's saying is helpful advice. Females are the non-expendable sex as far as evolution is concerned. As many have mentioned here, most women can in fact remain mediocre and still attract mates.

[–]recon_johnny 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Women don't give a shit about "sexually unworthy" men.

True, but separate from all statements.

Female advice is solipsistic, halfhearted and unhelpful.

Also true. Also separate. They have no clue, because.....women.

If you need help, ask a man because that's the only way you'll improve.

Bingo. Problem is the guy feels bad about the whole situation, feels bad he'd have to go ask his peers...who, if a friend would probably would give it two seconds, and say something like: "Are you fucking kidding me? You're 80lb overweight, you dress like shit, you smell like shit, you make shit money, you play World of Warcraft all day, and you live with your mom. There's a shit-ton you need to start working on. Meet me in the morning, we'll go for a run".

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why do women do this? They aren't invested in the relationship... is it because they actually believe in the advice they are giving?

I was talking to this girl about one of my current hookups and she gave me advice like "buy her drinks, if I were her I would want you to be nice and a gentleman to me"

[–]PlusGoody 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I thought it was a reasonable response. Getting and keeping a girlfriend takes work and flexibility and here's a guy who -- if he is not horrifically ugly or unsociable -- really, really can't be bothered with it ... and in my experience that's someone who deep down doesn't really want it.

[–]well-ok-then 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Overweight, blue pill, nice-guy me did just fine getting on okcupid after the divorce. Met up with a (very cool) chick who messaged me first. Was super nervous on first date. Did 100 ridiculous things. She was lower SMV than me but significantly higher than the ex wife who hadn't been interested in me in years. Banged the chick for a couple weeks and my confidence went through the roof. I was terrified I'd never get laid again post divorce. Wasn't an issue - with appropriately low smv chicks as I built confidence

[–]Five_Decades 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A beta male is to a woman what a slut who has sex with no strings attached is to a guy. Both genders want to maximize the resources they extract from the other gender while giving as few resources themselves.

So women want men to remain desperate beta orbiters who they can hit up for validation and money, men want women to be no strings attached sluts.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If it was so easy you'd think HE COULD'VE DONE IT ALREADY IN 35 YEARS

[–]1rife_omeqa 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There have been some amazing posts on TRP in the past from endorsed contributors that touched on this topic with serious insight and wisdom.

As other's have commented; Eva isn't being malicious to the extent you're giving her credit for. She's simply incapable of understanding the situation because she's never found herself in something similar. The advice she's administering is relevant to her past experiences, not his current situation.

This doesn't make her a monster or a malevolent tormentor of beta's. It just makes her female.

TL;DR: Women don't give a shit about "sexually unworthy" men.

That should read "Women can't give a shit about "sexually unworthy" men." Nor can they understand them in any sense because the phrase 'sexually unworthy woman' is oxymoronic. It literally can't happen for women. How can they be expected to understand such men when there is no female corollary?

Female advice is solipsistic, halfhearted and unhelpful. If you need help, ask a man because that's the only way you'll improve.

Which is why TRP exists. The insightful posts I mentioned earlier are discussions of this. Every man here has heard the words "just be yourself" because we all have mothers. They weren't trying to be spiteful or sabotage us as children. They offered advice they saw as being relevant and beneficial because it's the advice that was helpful to them in the past. It's dogshit advice for men even though proffered with a sincere desire to help.

Don't forget Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity (or ignorance).

It also helps to remember that women don't know what's good for themselves most of the time. It's hardly surprising that the advice they give to others is just as bad as the advice they give themselves and each other.

[–]porkmaster 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I think this woman and women in generally actually think that they're giving good advice. The cognitive dissonance between their thoughts about what works for guys and what actually works prevents them from seeing that they're spouting garbage.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This right here. Women can't understand there is a difference between what they want to work with them and what actually does.

[–]TheIslander829 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it's a safe bet to assume this guy is ridiculously overweight. So, my first advice is to join a gym and get on a strict diet.

[–]RichardBelmont 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've gotten the "do you need a girlfriend, you seem happy" comment in several LTRs. I assume that's a comfort test.

In this context it's quite an offensive thing to say to someone. Telling someone you know what they need more than they do never ends well, even if they're asking for advice.

[–]OTTMGTOW 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She practically told him to go MGTOW. She basically admitted that other than bringing her home to his familly, a girlfriend will probably be of little value to him.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can you imagine that without /TRP/ and other PUA communities most adolescent males in a female-dominated environment (single mother, multiple sisters, pussy-whipped father) would be in this situation.

I feel sorry for most of the men that are in the situation OP described, there must be plenty people that were just born in the wrong household or didn't look/care to look at the right types of advice.

[–]cesarfd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And that is why girls are scared of the Red Pill. It threatens to upset the current status quo, one that benefits females immensely.

Exactly. Women need the situation to be exactly as it is right now. Majority of betas, a few alphas.

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