Link 1: https://archive.is/C10Rg
Link 2: https://archive.is/7zVfJ
TL;DR Woman confesses she slept with 17 men to her boyfriend thinking he is 'sex positive' and won't mind. Turns out he does and she posts for validation.
She starts out with this:
We were initially talking about PIV numbers, and my PIV number is lower than what my BF thought was "high, but not crazy high". But then I asked him if he was also considering foreplay, and he said he supposed he would feel the same about foreplay partners. Bam, my number doubles.
So her number of 'foreplay' is double the men she actually had sex with. Then she adds:
Fine.. 17 PIV patners, ~20 Foreplay partners.
That doesn't seem like double. That means she fucked 85% of the guys she messed around with. Makes me think she's lying about her number too.
In the updated post, her boyfriend has completely changed his attitude with her. She responds by hamstering
From the post:
So, he is indeed disgusted by me. He says we are different people. He says he never knew me. His opinion of me has now changed.
He talked some mild shit to me. "You don't even know how many guys you blew, you can't even give me a number" I had given him an approximate number of how many people that'd gone down on me / the other way around, but it wasn't exact.
So she doesn't even know the amount of guys she's had 'foreplay' with. Geesh.
Yesterday, before I posted here, I sent him a message that explained that women fudge their numbers for a lot of reasons. Girls often experience crazy pressure when they're teenagers, and end up doing things they don't want to until they get to the point where they're able to tell guys to fuck off and leave them alone. I told him that probably 5-10 of my foreplay experiences that I told him happened under these circumstance; that I was pressured into doing more than I wanted because I still didn't know how to tell a guy to fuck off.
She was practically raped! Most girls with any self respect will know to tell a guy to fuck off. When I was a teen, my mom told me how guys would look down on a girl they thought was 'easy' and that a girl's virtue was important. For this woman to use the excuse that all young women 'give it up' is ridiculous. She was just slutty.
We aren't broken up yet. He says he still loves me. He says he doesn't think breaking up necessarily has to happen. I'm just worried that things won't ever be the same. He says that is what he is worried about as well.
He'll either stay with her and cheat or leave her. Why doesn't she just dump him?
I am heartbroken. My two kids refer to him as their stepdad. My daughter asks me once a week when the wedding is. I graduate in May, and I've been looking for jobs to move me and my two kids to his city, to live with him.
Beta bux. Of course. He's a good provider who put a ring on it and she can't lose her meal ticket. Who wants to take bets on the kids not even being from the same father? She doesn't even mention who he is
He was always so sex positive. But he said that just because he was okay with it, doesn't mean that's what he wants for himself. I feel like dirt. He knew that I came from a shitty family and that I had daddy issues.
Just because a guy claims he's a feminist doesn't mean she's going to be okay with her future wife having been passed around.
Oh, and his number is 7. That's not even as low as I thought. AND he's only been in a relationship with 3 people!! So he's speaking to me with contempt, has lost his respect for me, says sex isn't special to me, but... he also will have sex outside of a relationship?
That's ten less partners than she has. And I'm guessing he actually had to put in some effort to get those partners. All she had to do was go to a bar and get picked up.
Then she keeps texting him, not realizing it's over even after he tells her these honest truths:
"I can't believe you were literally with an unknown number of guys" I'm just sitting here literally begging him to love me still, and I can't believe that I'm begging someone who is being so awful to me... We are messaging now and he is currently telling me that I wouldn't even recognize a guy I'd been intimate with if I saw him. I'd have to pick him out of a dick lineup. I'm literally begging him to speak to me with respect now. He says, "I wanted to fuckin marry you and my life is the joke from clerks". I'm so heart broken.
Which causes her to go into hamster mode and post this:
"Actually, his life is Chasing Amy - the one where an insecure guy freaks out, interrogates the woman and ruins a great thing due to his petty jealousy and immaturity." I'm glad that I have people close to me and even on the internet to remind me that I've done nothing wrong and I don't deserve the hate and disrespect you're giving me. If I didn't, you'd be doing some pretty bad damage. What a time we live in."
Translation: Thank you for validating my bad life choices and even though I lost this beta bux, I'll know to keep my mouth shut in the future.
The top comments:
You need to break up with him. He will never let this go.
Except it's hard for a 29 year old, single mother of 2 to find a good beta bux right?
Your boyfriend needs to grow the fuck up. Stop apologizing for having sex before you met him. Stop letting him put you down and insult you.
Hell, even Clerks itself has this message. Dante freaks out because his girlfriend has blown so many guys, but he's shown to be the shitty, irrational one - both she and Randall point out to him that no matter how many guys she's been with in the past, Dante is the guy she's with now, and the only guy she's with. She brings him his favourite food to work, and she's trying to inspire him to go back to school and open up possibilities for his life. She's an amazing girlfriend, and it's his own stupid insecurity that fucks it up because he can't get past her having sucked a lot of dick.
Right? OP's number isn't what I'd consider "high." Her soon-to-be-ex is probably just butt-hurt that his is lower.
Bonus Beta comment:
Look, I know this post is flooded, but I wanted to throw my experience in in case it helps.
I was your boyfriend once. I considered myself "sex positive" and a feminist. I believed that women could have sex with whoever they wanted, however often they wanted, and that it wasn't anyone's place to tell them otherwise or feel any kind of way about it. And then when my current partner told me her number (over double mine for sex, can't even count how many foreplay/etc) I couldn't handle it. Being sex positive is easy when it doesn't affect you.
Guys experience a ridiculous amount of social influence telling us that we win love by having the biggest dicks and being the best in bed. Sexual prowess is inscribed into the male ethos. It's bullshit, and I thought I was over it. Then, I had to deal with a real live woman challenging those feelings. I'd never actually dealt with it.
All this to say that it's completely on your boyfriend to recognize that his feelings are the product of what is essentially brainwashing, and aren't legitimate if he considers you as a person and not as "his girlfriend." It took me time and effort. I pitched a fit, my girlfriend listened and validated my feelings the first time, and then after a week or so of my whining she told me in no uncertain terms to knock it the fuck off. It took effort, but I did, and I can now honestly say that her sexual past doesn't bother me any more.
Don't hate your boyfriend for this - I don't think it's entirely his fault. But it is his responsibility, and you absolutely do not have to deal with it. If he can't learn this lesson now, with you, then he'll learn it with someone else, or he'll learn it alone. His call. You've done everything right.
Men are brainwashed by the patriarchy to have high standards and instead of refusing to date promiscuous women you should just, 'accept' their past. Otherwise you're a narrow minded asshole. I'm sure this won't come back to haunt him in the future.