Women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of relationships, and its common to say that, in this exchange "her past doesn't matter." The common wisdom today is she should conceal it to get a good man who doesn't want her for just sex. In fact, its typical to say that him asking about her sexual past is just asking for trouble. This is a strong move for her sexual strategy.
What about his past in this exchange in regards to relationship and provisioning? What advice does a wealthy man get if he wants to hide his wealth to get a "good girl" who doesn't want him for his money? Then the advice is to show his hand. This is a weak move for his sexual strategy.
People on TRP have described hiding the past and the adage "women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of relationships" with this script-flipping description.
No sweetie, I used to fly women to Europe on spontaneous weekend dining and shopping excursions, but I'm different now. The past is the past.
Rollo covers the relationship dynamic when a male discovers his wife's lurid past and his feeling of dejection in the article "Saving the Best." Of course, r-relationships thread after thread tell men that the "past doesn't matter" in regards to her sexual past.
But what about if we flip the script properly and find a man who hid his financial past? What kind of advice do men get and is it helpful for their sexual strategy?
Here is an example of a wealthy man who is quite dejected about how women change when they see his beautiful home.
I feel like my house destroyed my dating life. Since moving in I had four ~2 month long relationships and they all followed the same pattern. Things would be going great until about a month in when I'd bring them over to the house for the first time. I don't know how to describe it other than it's like their behaviour would change after seeing my home, and it'd weird me out to the point of breaking up. Here are just some of the notable examples:
Ex 1. We were both very adamant about having safe sex, but shortly after the first time coming over she started wanting to have a lot of impromptu sex sessions and almost seemed disappointed when I'd stop for a moment to take out a condom. After a few times I started getting suspicious of her intentions and ended things.
Ex 2. One day as she left my place I saw her take a selfie in front of my house before she got in her car. She had previously told me about her instagram account, so I looked it up because I was curious to see her photos, especially since she took several whenever we went out. I saw about 16 different selfie pics of her from different vantage points at my house, but NONE of the pics of us together were on there. WTF? I got weirded out by that and some other things so I ended it.
The other two simply started trying to make the relationship too serious too quickly, talking about moving in (after five weeks, seriously?) or becoming very possessive. Even my friends commented on the changes in how all four women acted before and after seeing my house for the first time, so I know this isn't just me being paranoid.
His gut reaction is natural revulsion. He doesn't want to be a beta provider. Due to perceived threats from women who want his resources hes trying to hide his provisioning.
In the gendered sexual contract, ♀sex does not equal ♂sex, but ♀sex=♂relationship (provisioning, commitment). The advice is for her to hide her cards and for him not to ask. Flip the script.
R-relationships asks him, of course, to show his cards and give up his defensive strategy.
1457: If you trust her, tell her. If not, you're in a tough spot. She will continue to think you're cheating if you dodge this with a lame excuse. If she's worthwhile, tell her.
1276: He came to pick me up in a Porsche, explained how I'd passed his test. He'd lied to me about the roommate, but also about his job, and some of his hobbies. Basically, I didn't know him at all. It was so embarrassing that I'd been so dumb. And I didn't want to keep seeing someone who obviously had no problem lying to me.
730: this ruse is likely to run off the type of women you actually want. Come clean now and show remorse. Maybe she can try to understand, but if not, don't do this in the future beyond a few dates. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and realized the true motivations of your exes before getting too heavily involved. Just be smart and trust your gut.
388:Yes. The funny thing about that future situation is that if she leaves you for being dishonest, you will finally know for sure that she didn't care about the money. If she decides to stay with you after learning about your large fortune despite knowing you lied to her a lot? Well, there's more paranoia for you.
Sexual strategy script-flip, just for fun.
♀ Thread: boyfriend is jealous and sad about my sexual past
Top Comment: Your BF has internalized a whole bunch of gender oppressive, sex negative bullshit and it's turned him into a cringing self-centered insecure bag of slop that can't handle the fact that the whole world doesn't revolve around his penis. To help purge him of these shitty attitudes I recommend tying him down in a chair and forcing him to watch Chasing Amy followed by listening to every single episode of Dan Savage's Savage Love podcast. Maybe that will help.
♂ Thread: My(24F) boyfriend's(28) sexual past (threesomes, orgies, polyamory, gay sex) makes me feel insecure. Most of his friends have been sexual with him in the past.
Top Comment: it sounds like you have different values in general. i personally would stay away from someone with a past like that.
Nice follow up comment: I really have to wonder if this would have been the top post if the genders were interchanged.