This is the first part in a several step series to teach men how to take women off a pedestal. I welcome any thoughts, suggestions, comments, criticisms, etc...
This post makes a very simple point: being hot is not impressive.
Our society feeds men and women several terrible lies, including:
1) A woman’s value is in her appearance. If she’s hot, she has high value and does not need anything else. If she’s ugly, she has no value and should just go die.
2) A man’s value consists in obtaining hot women. A man who fucks hot women is a high-value “alpha” while a man who fucks ugly women is a low-value “beta.”
3) Having sex or being in a relationship with a beautiful woman is the highest and most important pleasure in life.
Let’s start with lie #3.
It is true that sex is one of our strongest desires, and obviously sex with a beautiful woman is better than sex with an ugly woman, all else being equal. But sex is just one pleasure among many. A well-rounded life would include good friends, good food, good wine, fun hobbies, a fulfilling work life, a good family, intelligent conversation, etc...You should think of good sex as equivalent to watching a nice sunset while having a glass of wine.
Unfortunately, our society teaches us that sex is THE MOST IMPORTANT pleasure and we should sacrifice everything and anything to it, even our dignity. In movies, the “hot” woman is idolized and treated like this other-worldly angel and the hero’s “prize” for defeating the bad guy is often the woman. In these movies the hot woman is never a bitch or a scheming asshole but rather an angel who can do no wrong.
The repeated messages from pop culture idolizing hot women has created a cathexis in the minds of many men. “Cathexis” is a term in psychology that means “unhealthy obsession on a particular person or object.” Most men hit puberty at around 12 or 13 (they can recognize a beautiful woman even before then), but they can’t start getting laid on a regular basis until at least 19 or 20. So from ages 11 to 20, they pop culture depictions of beautiful women and build up a crazy desire for them. Some boys resort to things like porn, but that only builds up the cathexis more. By the time they get to the age where they can actually date and have sex, they have already built a mental image of women that is completely removed from reality.
You can see this pedestalization everywhere. A lot of men think that the pinnacle of “success” in life is being with a hot woman and they will respect other men more if they see them with hot women. In fact, many men date hot women who are complete pieces of shit and make them miserable just for the respect and admiration they get from other men (which if you really think about it, is pretty gay). It even leaks into our jokes. How many times have you heard men jokingly say things like “dude that girl is so hot, I would eat her poop for cereal if I could bang her.” Even though that’s a joke, it reveals an important truth about how men think: the goal of life is to bang hot women and one should sacrifice everything for that goal.
Moving on to lie #2, the worst part of this cathexis is that it associates a man’s own value with the women he bangs. So a man’s desire to bang hot women becomes intimately tied up with his ego – now his 2 strongest desires, sex and ego, are pointed at the same thing. This is worsened by women’s hypergamy: women will only bang men they see as “above” them, so many men are often rejected by women. The problem with hypergamy is that is irrational and based on appearances, so women will not bang the guy that is ACTUALLY above them or a winner, but whoever APPEARS to be above them or a winner. That’s why women often end up with losers like rappers or “bad boys” or guys with a lot of fake confidence rather than guys that are actually successful (think, like, a humble accountant).
It is natural for men, or anybody, to feel hurt when rejected. But instead of realizing that women’s hypergamy is irrational and based on appearances, a lot of men develop an inferiority complex and subconsciously make it their life’s mission to have beautiful women fuck them. I am in my 30s and it’s very interesting that the cool, confident “alpha” guys from my youth who got laid all the time are now mostly happily married with children. It’s the guys that were not “cool” in high school and got rejected by women that are now running around trying to bang hot girls in their 30s.
This is what young redpillers need to learn: your value as a man has nothing to do with whether hot girls like you. A lot of really awesome guys can’t get laid to save their life, and a lot of complete losers bang hot women on the regular. You see, banging hot women is a skill a man can develop like any other skill. All you need to do is to buy a nice, creative outfit, put yourself in the right situations, and listen to a few Patrice O’neal videos. And bam! You’re in. But that doesn’t mean that you’re actually a better guy any more than somebody who is good tennis isn’t necessarily “better” than anybody else.
Now there are some situations where women’s hypergamy is “correct.” For example, women like guys with jobs who make money. If you don’t have a job or make money, you should get a job, not because women like that, but because, as a man, you should have a good job so you can have a good life. Women don’t like fat slobs you never exercise. As a man you should exercise and not be a fat slob. Not to get women, but because a fat slob is unhealthy and makes you feel like shit. But women’s hypergamy is oftentimes wrong. A lot of hot women in their early 20s get addicted to the club scene and going out, doing coke or molly, and dancing all night. The club scene is also full of creepy older guys, dudes who were losers in high school, but now have jobs and money, and they buy tables and bottle services, and even sometimes take these women on vacations or boats or whatever. Some of these guys get laid occasionally from doing this stuff, but they’re still the same fucking losers they always were. They are basically buying higher class prostitutes and are super miserable.
I will admit that I was one of these losers. For a variety of reasons, I got rejected by girls when I was in high school and college. By my mid-20s I had gotten it together: I was more confident, dressed better, and most importantly, I had a nice job and I made money. I also was tapped into the PUA scene so I learned a lot of knowledge. And I went on a tear, banging girls that would have rejected me a few years earlier. Since then, I have conquered some pretty amazing creatures, but now the thrill is gone. I now realize that my motivation was not to bang hot girls, but to heal my wounded ego. And now it has been healed. I know I can get hot girls now, so they have lost their “magic” for me. Mind you, I will look at a hot girl’s ass if she walks by and I would still enjoy banging her, but I don’t have that obsession or need to do it anymore. I would much rather have a 7 that was fun to hang out with and gave me less problems, than a 9 that was a flaky bitch. For a while I was stuck on 7s and couldn’t make it to 8-9s, and I idolized 8-9s like they were my entrance into manhood. But once I broke through I realized that there is nothing special about being an 8 or a 9. It’s all in guy’s minds. Once you free yourself from that mental block, you now realize 8-9s for what they are: slightly better looking versions of 7. And you can take that power away from them.
Moving onto lie #1. This is the most important part of the essay. Being hot is NOT IMPRESSIVE.
Part of the reason hot girls are “magic” to men is that we are biologically wired to be attracted to certain things: big tits, symmetric faces, good skin, etc... So our brains place an “aura” around hot women that doesn’t actually exist to attract us to them. Because we don’t understand that this aura is a biological trick, our brain starts to think crazy things like this is our “soulmate” or this girl is “perfect” or she is an “angel” or any of that bullshit. We even overlook her shitty personality or other weird traits because she is hot. But the reality is that this aura is completely irrational and like I said, a 7 is just as good, and even better, because a 7 will coexist alongside your other pleasures and not consume your life like many 8s or 9s will.
There are a few reasons why being hot is not impressive.
1) It doesn’t take very much work. Most hot girls are hot because of genetics and because they came from families that valued eating well and exercise. Staying hot requires some maintenance (exercise, eating well, etc...), but that maintenance is pretty easy when you compare it to other challenges in life (for example, passing the bar exam). The average amount of work a lawyer, accountant, or construction worker puts into their job is much, much more than a woman staying pretty. The reason some women aren’t hot is because their early upbringing (genetics and family) fucked them over and now they have a complex where they feel like they can never be hot. Just like you wouldn’t give a guy a prize for not getting fat, you shouldn’t give women a prize for the same thing.
2) Most of being “hot” is a temporary illusion created by make-up, clothes, hair, etc... You see that hot girl at the club with amazing tits? Well, the reason you are probably noticing her amazing tits is because she knows she has nice tits and she is wearing an outfit to emphasize them. You aren’t noticing her flat ass because she knows that is a weakness and she is wearing an outfit to de-emphasize that. You see, women know exactly what their strengths and weaknesses are, and they choose an outfit and stuff to emphasize those things. Part of the reason hot women don’t respect men who put them on a pedestal is because they know that what they are selling is largely fake. Being hot is also incredibly temporary. That hot girl you are admiring could look like a complete piece of shit in 6 months if she catches a bout of depression and gets fat and/or sick. And of course, once a woman hits about 35 its all over, period.
3) Hot girls just do not have high market value. There are too many of them and not enough guys. You may not think so because you rarely see hot girls, but if you go somewhere hot girls congregate (Miami, LA, etc...) you will see that the market is flooded with pussy with not enough buyers. Now obviously the ratio of men to women is about 50-50 in the world, and there are tons of men that would love to fuck these hot girls, but the reality is that all women are hypergamous so their market preference is basically limited to men that are “better” than them. If they are with a man who is lower than them it is basically a stepping stone or waiting period until they find a man they REALLY like. And the reality is that there are just enough men that are “better” than these hordes of hot women.
Why is that? It’s a long, complicated answer, but the short answer is that because of feminism and a lot of other things men are falling behind women in terms of education, income, and social development. Because boys are naturally conquerors they need intense discipline to become productive in society, and most parents do not know how to do that anymore. Girls are more submissive naturally and are more likely to succeed in school and get good jobs. Even in the underclass, women are less likely to be violent, crazy, etc... Colleges are about 57% women now and these women go onto get better jobs than the men who never went to college. Those men are also more likely to have criminal records, be socially stunted in some way, etc... These educated women simply cannot find men that are better than them.
The same issue exists for uneducated, hot women. Men in the lowerclass world are much more likely to be violent, crazy, undisciplined, and unemployable than women in that world. In addition, most men lose their minds and become beta when they get in the presence of hot women, immediately disqualifying them. So the end result is that there are simply not enough men for women. There are tons of men in basements and MGOTW forums, but these men are not even an option for these women.