Red Pill TheoryLet her feel smart. Use your intelligence to create better questions, not smarter statements. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by optimystiquetree

Instead of showing off how much you know about a topic, ask a question that lets your companion feel smart.

'Impressing' a girl by demonstrating how smart you are is a poor sexual strategy, especially compared to deepening a connection by leading her to tell you about a topic she has studied.

Example: A girl who studied mental health was telling me about a friend. It seemed to me like friend could be diagnosed with a personality disorder.

Instead of making a statement, I asked 'do you think your friend has something like borderline personality disorder?' even though the description pointed to narcissistic personality disorder.

The girl went on to describe the differences between BPD and NPD and her body language and tone became more passionate.

I helped her connect with me and feel good about herself. Since she had a turn as the teacher, I gave myself space to take a turn as the teacher about a new topic that might come up later. Finally, I gave myself space to say 'well you're the psychology expert' as a tease when we talk about sexual desire.

Men who enjoyed the validation that came from impressing their teachers should try this.

Too many people try to be know-it-alls. Pitch a softball question and let her enjoy taking a swing.

[–][deleted] 211 points212 points  (8 children)

Don't just do this with girls, do this with everyone. I have mild aspergers, and so I have a natural urge to correct any inaccurate information, a long time ago I learned to lead people to a conclusion instead of pushing them too it. It's been years since then, and all though my goal was to find more effective ways of getting people to understand, it also makes people think you are intelligent or wise, but not in a showoffy way. Which helps me a lot because I used to accidently step on people when I didn't mean it if you know what I mean.

[–]HS-Thompson 92 points93 points  (2 children)

Yes, do it with everyone. The OP's advice is basically a cliff notes version of the Dale Carnegie classic How To Win Friends And Influence People.

[–]GudKat 8 points9 points  (1 child)

That book is amazing. I just finished reading it for a business class. I feel like that book should be taught in junior year of high school along side basic finance management, how interest works, basic house maintenance and stuff like that in a "How to survive the real world" class.

[–][deleted] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

Seconded. The day you realize everyone is in their selfish bubble, the more life gets easier?

  • Hard to start conversation? Give someone a reason to talk about themselves and genuinely show interest. You'll be the best conversation at the party.
  • boss is a prick? get him to talk about leadership, they'll let you know why they do things, you'll just get them, and if it's not brown nosing bullshit, they'll actually appreciate you using them for mentorship (mentee always picks the mentor)

always talk about the other person, try to find the value in it, and it will pay off in spades

[–]cleftscout 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ahh, learning how to socialize with aspergers, I got an autism diagnosis after aspergers was taken out of the spectrum.

It was a horrible experience for me, but I learned a similar strategy to yours. It really has helped speak with people on an every day basis rather than avoid them at all costs.

[–]1KyfhoMyoba 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I recall a quote from some female British aristocrat describing the difference between two other famous male aristocrats: "When I was talking with X, I thought that he was cleverest person in the world, but when I was talking with Y, I felt that I was the cleverest person in the world."

Be like the Y guy.

[–]IASGame 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is mentioned in 48 laws of power, I believe.

Y was Disraeli, and X was his rival Gladstone https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benjamin_Disraeli

The irony in this is I'm playing Gladstone part in pointing it out directly!

[–]TRP VanguardArchwinger 51 points52 points  (3 children)

There's a fine line here that needs to be watched carefully.

If you ask an obviously stupid question just to further the conversation, that costs you big-time. If your attempt is transparent, you look like you're sucking up and desperate for this girl's continued attention.

If a girl isn't already attracted to you, asking a question that gets it wrong can blow it. She doesn't know you're giving her a chance to shine. She thinks you really don't know something and she is therefore superior to you in some aspect and must educate you. Girls don't want to be superior to the guys they're fucking.

However, if she's already attracted to you, introducing a very deliberate, trivial chink in the armor that is carefully crafted to give a woman a specific opportunity to demonstrate her value and feel good about herself can turn a mundane interaction into one that she remembers as very, very favorable. Women love talking about themselves and demonstrating what they know, so by giving them that opportunity, they'll feel better about the conversation afterward.

[–]trauma_gland 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I don't think you have to form these questions in a way that makes you look stupid. That's not necessary at all. If you just ask the right questions that gets her to open up your golden.

[–]moulded 2 points2 points [recovered]

Its not about looking stupid its about not being knowledgeable. Intelligence is an attractive trait to girls and purposely putting yourself in a student role and the girl you are interested in, in a "teaching" role is not a good idea.

With that said I agree that OP is on to something here but just going about it in the wrong way. Don't be arrogant with your knowledge is a better way to look at it in my opinion.

[–]Gotmilkyy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You guys can't see the Forest for the Trees. OP wasn't saying always put yourself in that position. He was simply stating another technique to put in your rotation. Like adding another tool to your tool box.

Obviously if you rely on just one tool it won't work; For example, you wouldn't use a hammer on a screw instead you would try something else.

[–]Endorsed ContributorMentORPHEUS 35 points36 points  (6 children)

Pitch a softball question and let her enjoy taking a swing.

This is a good way to open conversation, especially in a sea of PUAs who open with negging etc.

Unless you don't want to filter out the pure narcissists, and don't mind being pigeonholed in the chaste "Nice Guy" category from the get-go, you'll want to throw down some manner of conversational challenge earlier rather than later in the interaction. You can keep it light and pleasant, but push-pull escalates her emotions in the direction you want far more reliably than all-pull.

Source: Was once that 100% nice guy that would always make some other lucky girl so happy someday.

[–]1Sergnb 1 point2 points  (4 children)

do you got any examples on an early, ice breaker conversational challenge that is easy to introduce and doesn't come off as tryhardy? How would you go on about this?

[–]Endorsed ContributorMentORPHEUS 18 points19 points  (3 children)

Examples serve to illustrate this particular conversation, but you have to learn the underlying principles of push-pull so you can engage each unique encounter on the fly as it happens. A good conversation is like a lively game of table tennis. You start out easy to get a good volley going, then step up the challenges gradually till you find each others' limits and weaknesses, then you play just beneath this discovered level to keep a good challenging rally going back and forth.

Good balance of push/pull- the sweet spot Like a good ping pong game where neither of you wants to put down the racquets when game time normally ends; these are the openings that turn to insta-dates, and the first dates where the second half is spent touching and kissing.

  • Hit the conversational ball back so it steps the game forward in a measured fashion. "So do you think she's having a rough patch, or does this qualify as a personality disorder?" This is nominally agreeing with her so far, but challenging her with a relevant question.

  • The challenges come at a measured cadence, settling into a pattern something like, "Yes... Yes... Wait! (holding finger up) Yes... Yes... Wait! (slightly stronger challenge)

  • After the last challenge, she'd likely bring up BPD; you'd listen and agree with a few points, then throw down a stronger challenge like, "So what's your differential diagnosis? How are you sure it's not ASD or NPD?" If you're already out of your depth regarding Psychology, a worthwhile challenge at this point might be, "How are you sure it would be that, versus other similar disorders?"

  • Lesson learned: Both push (you shine a little) and pull (let her shine a little) make for an interaction that continues and naturally escalates.

Too much pull- a weak opponent or yes-man. Duffing your game to always let her win is boring and makes you look like an unworthy schmuck; she's staring at the locker room while you're picking up the ball yet again, and wants to passively sidle away.

  • There's no escalation if you agree at every step, and never take a chance to step up your game.

  • Letting her make all the challenges and thus set all the parameters is entering her frame and beta behavior

  • There is no beat or cadence to the conversation, it's just a boring, hands-down, one-note "yes-yes-yes-yes."

  • Responses sound like, "Oh, poor girl! Yes... Yes... Wow, you really know a lot about psychology! Yes... You're so smart!"

  • Lesson learned: Too much pull puts you into the boring, beta, nice guy friendzone. No challenge at all makes attraction die with a whimper. Not even low-SMV women are attracted to men in this category.

Too much push- an overly strong opponent You're not seeking a level where you two can play back-and-forth, instead you return every shot, whether it was offered easily or challengingly, with your maximum power. She's not having fun with you standing over her while she picks up the ball every move, and wants to actively flee the game.

  • There's no chance of escalation when you jump straight to the superior position and shut her down at every move.

  • The cadence is a thudding, hand-in-face, "Nope! WRONG! Nope! Nope! WRONG!"

  • Responses look like "She has BPD! No, it has to be this because X! No, you're wrong because Y!" if knowledgeable about Psychology, and if not: "No, that's stupid. She sounds stupid. No, that's just a bunch of mumbo-jumbo, she's just X. Why do you waste your time with these people?"

  • Lesson learned: Too much push gets you considered an asshole, but NOT in the good way. Except with the subset of low self-esteem women susceptible to strong negging, too much challenge with no softballs or rewards makes attraction die with a bang. (Edit- clarify a few points)

[–]AnoniMiner 4 points5 points  (1 child)

A post that squares up with the username.

All too often I fall in the all push group. And you point it out spot on the type of girl that will fall for it, i.e. emotionally damaged goods.

A few nights ago I blew up a conversation precisely for this reason. And though I knew I did, I couldn't quite put my finger exactly on what was the reason, or rather how to do it differently.

This post put some serious clarity in my "mainly push" head. Thanks a million!!!

[–]1KyfhoMyoba 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's also a good way to get her to qualify herself to you.

If you're opening with negging, you're not a pick up artist, because that's just fucking dumb. You need to calibrate.

[–]icecow 9 points10 points  (1 child)

The book 'The Chrisma Myth' has been mentioned many times lately and is a good one. It's also available in audible format.

[–]Moneyley 24 points25 points  (1 child)

This is a great strategy to impose you control by not caring so much. I've noticed that women who tell me that they have a "great connection" with me on dates, also are the ones that talk the most during the date. In contrast, I notice that on the dates where I do at least half of the talking, I usually don't get a second. Women love "hypotheticals" so what works for me is bringing up religion, diet and basically all the shit that you've been told "NOT" to say. Me: you should eat like a pig because studies show that you should eat on dates how you eat at home so you can be comfortable. So eat away pig. (Big smile)

This usually leads to diet topics, where you ask for her view and SHUT UP. I bring up how diet is important for a woman who wants kids. (Do I want kids? Fuck no) but women are wired to have them. Now you've subtly turned the conversation to HER trying to prove she isn't like that. She'll talk more now.. Also, you've brought up kids, in order to have kids she needs to have sex. Make another controversial statement on: gender roles, pick on her, talk about going dutch with the bill so you can have money to pick up a bottle of wine after dinner, you know... To make the conversation more...intense. As OP said make her "FEEL" smart, she'll "FEEL" such a good connection.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Works like a charm. I use it with new C.S. graduates I meet, they love to talk. When they ask me what I work with, sometimes I'll respond by asking their favorite language or what they work with without even attempting to answer. Warms them up plenty, sometimes they loop back and ask again, and I am then much better able to speak in their terms and on their level as I sense it, so it works great to help calibrate as well. It could be thought of as a pressure-flip style response, in PUA terms.

[–]fcjnews 4 points4 points [recovered]

How is this any different than typical blue pill advice? First thing most pua's, red or blue pill ones, is stop asking so many damn questions and practice talking in statements. Very few guys have the problem of not asking enough questions.

[–]DownvotesCatposts 1 point2 points  (1 child)

This would serve to balance out some of the... fedora-ness that shines through with some red pill advice lately. And this isn't saying to ask more questions, it's saying to ask the right questions that ultimately paint you in the right light.

[–]Stythe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good advice. One of the best skills a leader can have is the ability to get others to form their own opinions and learn to answer their own questions. Most people just want to showboat and look cool. The really cool people are too busy being cool and making you feel good around them to need to show off. Using this strategy is a good way to make people feel more confident about themselves as well as a way to get them to trust you.

[–]NeoreactionSafe 8 points9 points  (0 children)


This trends dangerously close to beta orbiting behavior.

While I agree that communication requires that you give each other space to answer and that if you are stronger mentally than the other you need to give "partial truths" to build them upwards from wherever they start. But you do not want to flatter a woman who is already seeing herself as a princess.

Do not put the woman on a pedestal.

Also awaken to the fact the OP seems to have not fucked this girl (no mention) so the "missing ending" speaks volumes about how this really worked out. What was "passionate" in the beta orbiters imagination might have been nothing to the woman.

The "true story" is this girl probably fucked Chad Thundercock later that night, not the OP.


[–]pedler 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes this works. It makes the conversation predictable. The other person think they are one step ahead, but they're not because you're actually two steps ahead. Its also good practice for being a listener. Everyone likes a good listener, and you can learn something new about either the person or the topic by subtly lead in the conversation.

Its something that i think i started learning when i started teaching English. I became able to suppress the urge to blurt it out, let others say what they want. Remember people like you if they feel good around you, not if you feed them facts. Its all related to getting people to open up to you, it takes self moderation, and unless you are a really good actor you need a genuine interest in the conversation.

[–]HungryLikeTheWolf99 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds a bit like some of Robert Greene's Art of Seduction. Some of that book is outright bullshit, but this is not.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same with sales, ask questions where you assume the positive qualities on the prospect and let them live them out. "How many more do you expect to sell this month?" "What new target markets are you hitting?" "Who kisses better, guys or girls?" "What skill are you mastering?" "Best scar or broken bone story?"

I always go for sex positive, progressing, empowering, intelligence based, fun seeking questions. Make the dream prospect in your head for whatever you're going for, and ask questions like it's an everyday thing to have those amazing qualities happen for them.

Asking empowering questions means in their head that you ask these things all the time to others. And that means you're a success and empowerment-seeking person with other empowering people and qualities around you.

My favorite question, "what's the weird awesome thing you love that I would never guess you'd be into?"

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nice idea OP - really like it. Short and sweet advice, and something we all do sometimes - your way is really cool - thank you . Please give more insightful posts in future!

[–]NickCiufi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Law 21: Play a Sucker to Catch a Sucker - Seem Dumber than your Mark.

[–]MetalliMunk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have read about this concept called the Swiveling Spotlight. The basic idea is that you try to put the focus (light) on them about 80% of the time and 20% on yourself. For example, in conversation you would ask them about their opinion on a subject, or compliment them on a thought/action. Ever since I heard about this, I have noticed in most conversations that people tend to talk about themselves, as in their own opinions/stories/thoughts, and rarely ever digging into another person's comments or giving praise.

[–]zezozio -4 points-3 points  (1 child)

WTF is it seddit or TRP ?

Did this kept the tingles in her eyes when she was naked on her knees eating at your dick like a famished ethiopian ?

How did you made the hamster spin from "I'm sooo smart" to "I'll be a dirty slut for that man"?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In a way, I grudgingly admit you are correct. You probably shouldn't bring up this sort of stuff on a first date with a plate but its good material for potential ltrs where you are fleshing out a bit of beta

[–]Merica911 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I love this post! Give credit where credit is due. Regardless of the gender, if someone is a professional in their field, they're a professional in their field. She's a psychologist? She must of worked super hard to even hold that position, regardless if she's a good one or not. TRP states that men does any job in this world besides birthing a child, better than a female, but that doesn't mean because Joe Blow does construction is going to know psychology better than Susan that graduated with a M.A. degree.

TRP teaches you that it's fine if you don't know someone. Best this you can do to contribute to the conversation is listen.

[–]smoothhands -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

LOL the OP is so stupid, this is pointless manipulation

He could have asked a question he wanted to know the answer of instead

[–]epixs -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'd rather talk in statements and proceed from there. Asking too many questions to a girl and just letting her talk is one way ticket to "your such a good listener and friend". She won't fuck you, trust me.

However, if you open with statements, tease her like a child, and reward her with brief moments of your undivided attention where she has a chance to talk about herself in a way where you actively listen, then thats fine.

This advice is great for networking however, where you are not trying to fuck the other person lol. Dale Carnegie talks about this a lot in his book and it is very great advice, just not for the women you're trying to fuck.