TL;DR Summary: Lifting is the only thing that matters. Nerds try to rationalize everything to explain their lack of success with women, but the truth is that we nerds are stuck in our head WAY too much. Acting smart and being a dick doesn't help. Learn to be more fluid.
I’ve been on here for about half a year now. Got started after one of the most crushing rejections of my life and since swallowing the pill I’ve never looked back. First and foremost, a little about myself: I’m in my early twenties and used to be (and to an extent, still am) what most people would consider an archetypical nerd on first glance. The only thing that has really set me apart from your stereotypical nerd is that I had, and continue to have, a huge chip on my shoulder. I used to be skinny, dress lazily, and had very minimal regard for my self-appearance. My modus operandi used to be if you don’t accept me then fuck you, you’re superficial and probably not worth my time. My world flipped when I was strung along by a girl I had asked out almost a year ago and was ultimately rejected. I put my heart out and a lot of resources into courting this girl and admittedly I was hurt pretty badly. Although I’ve been rejected by every girl I’ve ever approached, this last rejection was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I was tired of perpetually feeling like shit, like I was unwanted and deprived, and more seriously tired of seeing other guys who were less successful (in every sense of the word) and physically attractive than me have more success with women.
Back then, a friend referred me to TRP. When I took the time to seriously read the sidebar and some of the material on the threads, I made a proactive choice to follow TRP principles. I write now to report on some of the truths that I have independently discerned through my own application of TRP principles and to relate them to a class of guys (nerds) who may not always feel like they can get their questions answered on this sub because others simply can’t relate. My alleged “truths” may not be novel by any means, however, I do hope that by relating my experiences to my target audience this post will serve as a source of first hand experience for other nerdy guys having difficulty swallowing the pill. Anything that I introduce that happens to contradict anything in the sidebar should be superseded by the sidebar. For the rest of this post, fellow nerds, geeks, whatever you choose to self-identify as, I’m talking to you.
When I was younger, my parents had always told me never to worry about girls. They told me to place my studies above everything, and that once I was successful the ladies would just start flooding in. Perhaps your folks used to tell you something similar, which is why you never seemed to care about game until now. Unfortunately, my folks were only partially right. What they didn't tell me was that this was only true if I wanted to marry a gold digger in my 30's and have absolutely no dating or sexual experience as a younger man. My late teens and early twenties have been filled with nothing but sexual frustration because I have been unable to even get a girl to go to coffee with me, let alone touch me. You can imagine the toll this kind of depravity takes on your mental psyche. It only occurred to me in recent years how much of an angsty, bitter young man I had become, and this self realization led me to doing something about it. I didn’t want to believe that being successful with women was so black and white. I used to believe in the fairy tale that women would simply “love me for who I am” and not what I bring to the table, and that it was just a matter of time before I found the right “one.” I waited around for years waiting for “the one” to discover what a special snowflake I was. But when I swallowed the pill, I realized that I was no special snowflake and that “the one” I was waiting for was probably getting plowed at Chad’s apartment on a Friday night while I was home alone.
If you’re the kind of nerd who thinks you will discover some “grand revelation” or “ultimate truth” about how to be successful with women by sticking around the threads long enough, you will be thoroughly disappointed. You can’t get anywhere by sitting in front of the computer and reading Reddit all day, hitting refresh on Facebook all day, or reading every last goddamn Wikipedia page thinking you’re going to learn something no one else knows and that will somehow make you seem smart and interesting. Get off your ass now and go lift, pick up a hobby, or read because those discoveries will never materialize. I know this much because I was you. I’ve been there. As a nerd, you think that almost anything can be analyzed and infinitesimally reduced to some core logic. With almost everything else, you would be correct. Except to reduce what we RPers know as “game” to some basic ascertainable logic is to miss the point entirely. In retrospect, my biggest mistake prior to swallowing the pill was to treat my interactions with women the same as my interactions with other guys. Take it from me, you will never have any success this way. If you’ve honestly read the sidebar then you’ll know that women make decisions based on their feels. This basic tenet of TRP could not be emphasized enough. The point of learning game is so that your approaches will result in a higher probability of success (taking a girl home) and your frame is solid enough to withstand shit tests that are intended to reveal flaws in your approach so that it is easier for the girl to reject you.
Women are not men, no matter how much any woman tries to convince you of an equality between genders. The existence of game in and of itself is a testament to the fact that women don’t respond positively to being treated the same as men. Game is a three part act in which you, the man, need to know how to approach, how to escalate, and ultimately how to close. Where am I going with this? To be a true RPer, you need to have game. To have game, you need to be comfortable with your social interactions. To be comfortable with your social interactions, you need to be fluid and get out of your own head. As a nerd, you are likely neither fluid nor comfortable being out of your own head. In fact, you are probably the typical “over thinker.” Yes, you know what I’m talking about. Before approaching a person—regardless if it is a man or woman—you likely first identify the purpose of your interaction, then envision exactly how you want the conversation to go. I used to do this all the time, and as a result I never used to enjoy small talk because to me, being socially awkward, there was no point. At work, I would be sitting at my computer working on an assignment when a coworker would just randomly come up to my desk to make small talk during a break. I never much responded in kind because I saw the visitation as a nuisance. As a result, this prevented me from generating any meaningful social interactions with people I saw on a daily basis. Don’t do this. In fact, if you’re a nerd still in your early adolescence, learn to be more social now or else it will come back to bite you hard in the ass. Women are governed by feels and to trigger those feels your game needs to be as fluid as water. This means getting out of your head and living in the present. Go up to that girl and make small talk; tell a joke, introduce some ridiculous hypothetical situation and ask her how she’d respond to it. Do literally ANYTHING except sit there and try to map out how your interaction will go. Most of the time, women don’t even care about what comes out of your mouth because they’ve gone an entire day without getting any attention or validation from a guy. They’re simply looking for someone, ANYONE, to be the highlight of their day. Perhaps most importantly, don’t kill a woman’s good vibe. It’s like throwing off the emperor’s groove. Even if you might think a lady is acting silly, keep the thought to yourself and just roll with it. You preserve the tingles and leave open options in the process.
After I started lifting, I noticed that the confidence I gained from being self-assured of my own physical image made me more comfortable talking to women who would certainly be evaluating my SMV. I learned that the subjects of my conversations didn’t matter and that the purpose of small talk was to make a connection with the other person, not to derive some higher truth. In most cases, how I spoke to a girl mattered more than what I talked about. In my younger days, I used to be timid and shy away from any girl that I had a crush on. But this was merely the result of pedestalling behavior. I think nerds have this natural tendency to change their interactions with anyone they begin to develop feelings towards. For me, I used to unintentionally become overly serious and stern with my crushes, as if my subconscious was trying to convey that there was no way I could have feelings for someone I intentionally held at arms length away and treated so frankly and professionally. But the issue is that whenever I subconsciously changed my behavior towards a girl I actually ended up sticking out like a sore thumb. Women can masterfully see through lies and facades, and as a nerd, your social awkwardness towards one particular person only serves to give away your true feelings. But this kind of behavior is the antithesis to being stoic and maintaining an abundance mentality.
Don't overthink anything. To get to abundance mentality, you have to stop with the "target mentality", e.g. telling yourself you are going to go after XYZ girl. Don't do that. Don't be the chaser. Make women chase you. How do you do that? You start by dropping the target mentality and adopting the goal mentality. Women don't want to feel like they are prey being circled by predators. It took me the longest time to figure out that women could pick out my intentions. I used to see PUA techniques as parlor tricks that I just needed to master in order to get laid. Drop the tricks, they're as transparent as day. I think a lot of posts on TRP are overly simplistic. They tell you not to worry about taking Jessica home when you can call up Katie and Linda to come over at 2 am. Sure, don't worry about tonight's pull when you have so many other options. But how do you get those options? Outcome independence isn't something you simply develop overnight, especially when you’re sexually starved and have been putting pussy on the pedestal your whole life. The truth is if you’re already fuckable, that will come across in your SMV. If your SMV simply isn’t high enough, then no amount of PUA tricks or approaches will change the outcome. TRP tells you to never stop approaching, but the truth is that you need to meet the prerequisites of game first, and that assumes having a base level SMV. To repeat the same action over and over expecting a different result is the definition of madness. As nerds, I think we want to rationalize that there are “too many factors” involved in game to reduce it to some simple formula. We tell ourselves this because it makes us feel better about the fact that we’re not getting laid. But the truth is that first and foremost the only thing that matters is--yes, that's right--physical appearance. We’re not getting laid because we look like shit, dress like shit, act like shit, and are just plain shit. We sit in front of our computers watching Naruto or some shit and fap to porn because we can’t get any. We’re not fuckable, end of story. But we can be by lifting. And so begins a new story.
It also took me a while before I finally realized that you can't Machiavelli your way into a girl's pants. And even if you could, as a newcomer to TRP, you're nowhere near experienced enough to begin messing around with that level of plotting. If you’re a beginner, don’t even try to be Machiavellian. It never works the way you think it does and you don’t have the experience to pull it off. I learned firsthand that even when you think you’re being “manipulative”, you actually look and sound retarded, and you’ll kill a woman’s tingles faster than a raindrop in the Sahara desert. When you try to act manipulative—regardless if you think you can actually pull off your scheme, or because you just want to look cool acting like Frank Underwood in front of your bros—people will lose trust in you because they know that if you could pull off something devious, you would. Just don’t do it. You’re not being smart, you don’t look cool, and most of all, you’re not generating tingles. Real tingles come from organic interactions, not pre-canned conversations. As a nerd, it doesn’t matter how smart you are. Intelligence is simply not a metric that women will recognize, partly because no woman wants to feel that she is intellectually inferior to her man. In my own experience, there was only one girl that I plated who had some weird intelligence fetish which had absolutely nothing to do with physical attractiveness. I reckon she was an outlier and not representative of most women, so don’t bank on using your knowledge of thermodynamics to make any girl wet.
I used to think I could do everything myself. Unfortunately the world is set up such that, at some point or another, you will be forced to depend on someone else just to get ahead of the game. Life doesn’t let you escape without playing by its rules, so its better to learn them now. I was a bit of an arrogant son of a bitch that looked down on others for being inferior to me in one way or another. Part of me genuinely believed that if I was at the top of a food chain—be it academically, financially, or career wise—then people would naturally respect me. But this is far from the truth. The problem with being a nerd is that most of the time you don’t really consider other people in your calculations. For you, everything is just decided internally and rationally, and everyone else can go fuck themselves. However, when you take the high road people will resent you simply because you took the high road, and there will be those who will actively work to undermine your success, regardless if it is with business or with women. The point is that if you want to be successful with women, you need to let go of your own view of the world and play the same game that everyone else is playing. That means lifting consistently, dressing better, learning how to be a likable human being, etc. There is simply no getting around this. Sure, you might be that one in a million asshole who strikes it rich and eventually commands the plethora of women you think you deserve. But chances are you won’t be that guy. And for everyone else who isn’t, there’s TRP.
For the last six months I’ve hardly been on here because I’ve accepted the fact that I won’t get anywhere without doing things in real life. That means lifting, approaching, the works. I used to sit on here feeling angry and depressed at the posters who would detail their problems scheduling their plates across different times and days of the week. I used to feel bitter at the fact that I never had that kind of success, and so I shut this sub out of my mind, never forgetting the principles that I learned. Now, I’ve come back because I want my fellow nerds to experience the same level of clarity that I’ve received after making a positive change in my own life. I want my fellow nerds to stop feeling so angsty and angry after reading stories of guys having threesomes with the women of their dreams. I want my fellow nerds to have everything they’ve ever wanted, and more, and never look back like I didn’t. My six months thus far have been a complete 180 change for me, and I’m genuinely looking forward to the next milestone at the one year mark. So to all you nerds who stuck around to read the conclusion of this post because it resonated with you, close the ten other tabs I know you have open with anime, porn, and gaming forums, and get your ass off this computer and go lift you scrawny motherfucker. That Japanese school girl isn’t gonna fuck herself.
To summarize/lessons learned:
-Get off this place and go lift. First and foremost thing that matters.
-Worry about game after you're lifting.
-Get out of your head and start being more social. Be fluid in your interactions; as Bruce Lee said, "Be water, my friend."
-Don't be smart and don't be a dick--cut that Machiavelli bullshit and be more organic. You're not fucking Frank Underwood and you never will be.