I'll admit, this article hit home. As I've watched my social circle dwindle over the past few years, I'm realizing that as a man over-30, it's very very difficult to make new friends... and while it's somewhat reassuring to know I'm not alone with this struggle, I don't look forward to an Army-of-One future where I'm thriving in all other aspects of my life, and I come home to nothing.
So, first, why do men have such a tough time making/maintaining friendships:
Men do not have an in-group preference for one another. Like all things feminists, the "boys club" trope is total bullshit. Men are usually thrilled to White Knight/virtue signal and let a girl into their club. Women, conversely, do have an in-group preference which means it's much easier for them to make friends (even if those friendships are superficial). Think of being in a new environment; a man will usually sit alone while a woman will have no problem sitting with the other women there.
Male spaces have been contaminated. Furthermore, men have been contaminated too by the female imperative. This means that not only do men not have an area to congregate and speak openly, but even if they did, chances are there are White Knights present to limit/police authentic discourse (not that conversation must be limited to gender realism, but women do not face any restrictions when speaking with one another). And, of course, when a male space is contaminated and made uni-sex, immediately all men present must play by the Girls Rule playbook.
Married men/men in LTR are discouraged from outside friendships. And isn't that fucked up?
There is more social pressure on men, and men respond to this by opting out. Women face no social pressure, and you'll notice they often speak freely when talking to new people. Men feel pressure to meet a certain standard, and understand that they are under constant judgment from others, and often times will just say fuck it and avoid talking to new people. I've found that unless I push myself around new people, or at work, that I'll often only speak when I have something of value to contribute to a conversation... while this makes sense, logically, it isn't the best way to be social. RSD Tyler had a really eye-opening video about this where he dissects nerd talk/vibing; people DO NOT look for nerd talk in casual socialization- people look for vibing; or, bringing a fun/happy/positive presence to people, rather than having lots of value in the things you're literally saying.
Men seem to think there is something unmasculine about male friendships. You'll notice there is A LOT of social conditioning in this direction; where on a sitcom, if they represent men getting together in a group, it's always something like men sitting in the woods, without shirts, banging on drums, or some bullshit. This is to convey to the average man that male friendships are faggy. And I can see naturally feeling that way, because seeking male friendship is almost like an admission of need- we need to move past feeling this way (or, at least, I do).
So, with that said, can we brain storm how a man post-college, or over 30, can make new friends?