Red Pill TheoryTo Implement Positive Habits that Last, You Must Develop a Life-Affirming Mentality. Also, Stop Being a Pussy. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by [deleted]


Many people want to start positive habits, but struggle to avoid distractions (like television and Facebook.) Maybe you want to write ten pages of fiction per week, but instead of working you end up surfing the web and checking email. You know you're choosing instant gratification over lasting fulfillment, but can't seem to help yourself. I think most of us, in some form or another, can relate to this frustrating scenario.

To overcome inertia and implement positive habits that last, you need to develop a greater sense of agency. Taking ownership of yourself and your actions is a fundamental aspect of personal development. See, when the average guy sits down to work, and ends up surfing the web instead, he thinks this is something that just happened. He believes that giving into distraction is normal (perhaps inevitable) and mostly out of his control. Sure he's the one clicking out of Microsoft Word and navigating towards PornHub, but in his mind this isn't a big deal. He's “tired” and work was “frustrating today.” Besides, no one cares if he postpones his personal development for one more day. With all these things on his mind, the average Joe feels totally justified in spending another night jerking off instead of pursuing self-improvement.

Become Life-Affirming

“The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their proper name.” - Confucius

To break out of the evil cycle of distraction, frustration, and unproductivity, start taking your actions at face-value. If you find yourself watching porn instead of working, admit that you did not actually intend to work that night. That's right: you lied to yourself. It's not a big deal; we all do it, but at least be honest. Likewise, if you consistently flake on going to the gym, you're not "too tired" or "too busy." Admit you're lazy and afraid of success. Seriously, honesty will take a weight off your shoulders and allows you to analyze your past actions with more clarity.

Excuses screw you in the long run because they take away your agency. Saying you’re “too busy” at first sounds like a good reason to not work out (or better than saying “I don’t care about my health.”) However, excuses like these simultaneously affirm that you’re not a fully autonomous person. You’d like to get in shape, but you can’t (for some reason). Apparently you don’t possess free will and partially identify as a slave.

Instead, be life-affirming. Treat all your actions and decisions as reflections of what you believe and where you’re at in life. Taking responsibility for your struggles affirms that you are, despite it all, still in charge of your own destiny. You have the capacity to do better tomorrow, to learn, and to continue growing. It’s when you start to deny your own agency and blame others/society/insert excuse here for your problems that you truly get stuck. Doing so is the beginning of death and decay.

Trust reality. If you consistently fail to achieve your goals, understand that this is not “bad luck” or something that “everyone struggles with.” It’s not due to your past, or your parents, or Obama. You are fucking yourself over. And guess what? You are doing so on purpose. Understand?

It’s uncomfortable to admit, but we all have a Good side and a self-destructive side. To deny this duality is the equivalent of taking the Blue Pill in the Matrix. Notice that your self-destructive side exists. When you go on Facebook instead of working on your goals you are broadcasting loud and clear: “My goals aren’t very important. Who am I to deserve that kind of success any ways?” Nothing is random, all is Game.

At this point someone usually says, “Well, am I to blame for my abusive upbringing, or the crime in my neighborhood? Many of the issues I face I had no hand in creating.” This is true, but you are still responsible for your response to these issues. How could you not be?

A Note on Thoughts

Stop taking your thoughts so seriously. No one else can hear them, they are wildly biased, and have little or nothing to do with objective reality. Let the manifested world be your guide. If good things are showing up in your life, then you are doing something right. If you keep finding yourself in adverse situations, then you have more learning to do. Your gaze should be outwards at the ‘real world,’ not turned inwards on your feelings and baggage.

[–]Endorsed Contributoralways-be-closing 122 points123 points  (3 children)

A Note on Thoughts

Stop taking your thoughts so seriously. No one else can hear them, they are wildly biased, and have little or nothing to do with objective reality. Let the manifested world be your guide. If good things are showing up in your life, then you are doing something right. If you keep finding yourself in adverse situations, then you have more learning to do. Your gaze should be outwards at the ‘real world,’ not turned inwards on your feelings and baggage.

You do not have the power to keep a bird from landing on your head - - but you need not let it build a nest!

[–]Senior Contributordeepthrill 29 points30 points  (1 child)

Yes I liked that part the best. It's simply your ego protecting itself. Self delusion is your ego not wanting to admit you did something sub optimal.

[–]Endorsed Contributoralways-be-closing 43 points44 points  (0 children)

Accountability is painful. But account - - the sum, the result, the output, the holistic picture. Call it whatever you want. The end-point of everything is only known when you look at it. Otherwise you're flying through life blind, treating your decades on this earth like you might if you poured milk into your cereal bowl blindfolded.

The basic condition of any weak person is that they avoid all pain and seek only pleasure. The truth is that by pursuing beyond immediate reward, we can find things of great pleasure, build things of greater pleasure, and ensure less painful conditions in the future for ourselves and those we care about just by enduring a little pain.

This is why the beta man jerks it to porn and plays Xbox instead of feeling the sting of a few date rejections and unreturned cover letters.

This is why the slut tells herself she's just not ready for commitment and yet going on sleeping with and resenting the men who will leave her without so much as a word.

The mindless short term pursuit of pleasure and the avoidance of pain is fundamentally borne from a weak person's lack of self respect, agency, validation, and goals.

Only by living deliberately, learning to deal with pain, and learning to prioritize ourselves can we move past the childish scream for comfort from others, deal with failure, and pursue success.

What I believe should be a core tenet of RP:

If you're wasting time, it's because you don't respect yourself.

[–]Neuermann 4 points5 points  (0 children)

What a great quote.

I was googling it so see who said it, and don't know if it was Martin Luther or Dr Martin Luther king jr.

Either way, I found an awesome quote from Martin Luther (the German) that is super red pill, albeit off topic

Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.

[–]1NPIF 58 points59 points  (0 children)

Tough love posts like these are my personal favourite part of TRP. Your statements hit home and remind me of one of the fundamental parts of self-improvement : maintaining an action bias. Instead of simply being a passive observer in life, the self actualizing man chooses to put in the effort now to reap later rewards.

Thanks for the kick in the pants!

[–]Expectations1 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Ive linked this several times and think this is quite relevant. “Without payment you cannot get anything. But as a rule we want to get something for nothing, and that is why we have nothing…We cannot have old things and new things, there is no room for them, so first we must make room for them. This is so even in regard to ordinary things. If one wants much, one must give much. If one wants little, one will give little…Change is impossible if one wants to keep everything. To think about changing one must also think about what one would give up.” G.I Gurdjieff

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh god i used to avoid Gurdjieff before, it's deep

btw; check anthony de mello

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Optimism and positivity are trained behaviors. They require daily practice. Much like lifting.

[–]Evileddie13 10 points11 points  (0 children)

This hit home for me, thanks for the post.

[–]Banana_Club_Alcudia 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Ugh, this post speaks to me. My friend called and asked if I wanted to go work out with him today, and I told him I had to study, yet I wasted a bunch of time playing Fire Emblem, where I easily could've fit in a 60 minute workout. I'll take this as a lesson learned and forego instant gratification over lasting fulfillment. I'm only cheating myself by not working out as much as I can or half-assing studying.

[–]RPsage 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Play it in a different language, study the sentences from the game and it can even be productive to play Fire Emblem.

[–]Senior Contributordr_warlock 11 points12 points  (1 child)

That last section is great. This is what I do in the wee hours of the morning getting ready for work and at night when I'm home alone with nothing but my thoughts. Negativity sprouts in these moments and have learned to never make decisions based how I feel then. When the sun rises, the darkness in me goes away.

[–]TheDialecticParadox 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Consequently, that's also when testosterone levels begin to start rising to their optimum levels. It's why one feels like shit when they wake up in the afternoon instead of at sunrise. Important hormonal fluctuations never took place.

[–]aewiggin 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Word. You also need a sense of urgency in your life.

It's a lot harder to watch an hour of porn before bed when you're tired and need to get up early tomorrow.

You probably won't want to spend your 3 hours of free time playing World of Warcraft when you realise that you could hit the gym and practise guitar instead and go to bed early.

Et cetera

Recognising the value of your time helps in both forming good habits and destroying bad ones.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I see such a connection with red pill and Buddhism that it makes me trust it so much more. This movement of red pillers is based on philosophy and puts it into easy to digest acronyms. It's truly amazing to have found such a place. Thanks for the post I needed to hear this.

[–]NeoreactionSafe 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The writing style was very good and easy to stay involved in from beginning to end. You captured the flow of how the mind subverts it's own success.

Great post.


[–]Stythe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good post. This is something that changed my outlook on life in regards to dealing with depression. I used to have a lot of beliefs that I was brought up with but knew better than. I would follow those beliefs because everyone told me to instead of what I genuinely thought I should do and I ended up feeling like I wasn't being true to myself, which lead to depression.

I still notice things like this at time. I probably will always find things like this. What's important though is that you own it. Maybe you can't change it yet. Maybe you won't, but if you don't admit that it IS changeable, you have no power over it whatsoever.

I like your point on thoughts as well, as I've had to acknowledge that I'm way too hard on myself most times in an unfair way. If I'd listened to what others said instead of beating myself up I'd have a lot more pride, and a lot sooner.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Needed to read this because ever since I started reading and swallowing the pill, every god damn time I postpone an exercise or something that I needed to do, I felt way too guilty and thought that an over compensation was required the next day.

Like, if I skipped a workout, I worked out harder the next day. Same with work, studies, whatever.

Sure, I got some real discipline from this, actually changing my life from a chad to an stoic, built man. But the guilt was and is sometimes way too much and I pushed myself way too hard some of those times.

Anyway, that's a new insight which I'll gladly learn from.

[–]mytalkinghead 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great post, just what I needed. Been slipping lately and getting lazy.

[–]verdantsound 1 point2 points  (0 children)

One of the best posts I've read lately. I would give you gold, but let's be honest, I'm just a cheap bastard.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really needed this. Am doing good about the gym and just got a job but I keep struggling with my science classes cause I am letting myself destructive side get the best of me and end up fucking myself over.

[–]SenorLopez 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A very empowering and motivating post. I've only recently discovered TRP and I love everything that I have read and heard. It hits hard at home and only pushes me further into TRP world. Thank you all.

[–]Donny577 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This has to be one of my favorite posts as of recently.

[–]5t3fan0 1 point2 points  (0 children)

great material here, appreciated!

i recently realized that my fear of failure has damaged me subtly for a couple of years and heavily in the last 2 months since i got unemployed... and still am... i wish my parents told me "its ok to fail, we'll still love you" more in my youth

[–]J_AsapGem 1 point2 points  (0 children)

" The truth is that wherever you are is where you want to be. Whatever you are doing is what you want to do. You do not need to learn time management. You are managing your time exactly how you want to. It’s not a failure of willpower. You are exerting your will exactly as you want to."

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Strength utilized creates more strength. Weakness indulged creates more weakness." - some guy

[–]YakubKaban 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Very true post man. Looking at my past i learned one thing - Be real with yourself. In the past I smoked weed everyday, jacked off three times a day, didnt care about my looks, my health, how i dress. I thought its pointless. Becase why should I? IT WASNT MY FAULT - thats what i thought. I blamed everyone for my shitty life, except me. Kept using shitty excuses like 'girls dont like me', 'its my parents fault that they rased me that way'. I actually thought that I am cool guy, because I smoked weed and I 'didnt give a fuck' but deep inside i have been realy insecure. I was always worried why I had shitty sexual life, yet i didnt do anything to improve it. I thought I am really clever, and I dont need any knowledge, and I should not listen wise people. Constant feeling of jealousy of someones succes, fear, dishonesty - me in the past in nutshell. Being real is the best thing you can do. If you are pathetic, or fat, or have no game with women - just admit it. Its not the end of the world. It is just truth. It depends on you what you do with that. You can always work on your game, go to the gym etc. But you must prepare yourself - for a war. Endles war with your ego, you need to keep trying, and trying. I recommend The Active Side of Infinity by Carlos Castaneda. Very wise book. Helped me a lot. Generaly speaking, there is lot of wise people on this world, dont be scared they better than you. Its nothing wrong with that. Knowledge is power. Keep your heads up. (sorry for any mistakes english is my second language)

[–]Venkas 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As a second language, you are doing very well. I struggle with my ego, thinking its my only friend who knows me the best.

It does.

It knows exactly how to screw me up for a week and get me caught up in my feelings. Helps me lie to others and myself. Only recently have I begun to realize this and fight it off when need be. I don't want to go back to the old me, I want to succeed in reality not in my own head.

[–]Luckyluke23 0 points1 point  (0 children)

then you have more learning to do. Your gaze should be outwards at the ‘real world,’ not turned inwards on your feelings and baggage.

how would you fix the things on the inside if you can not see them and are always looking to the "Real world?"

can someone explain this too me

[–]TrueFacets 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Can someone explain "agency" to me ? Im German speaking and I don't really understand the word and/or expression even after googling it, I think its one of those cases where you cannot really translate it directly...

[–]alphabeta49 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In this instance it means something like "self propelled motivation," or "force coming from within one's self." Also, see "self efficacy".

[–]bobjoe177 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Overcome the hamster- it is possible to see your own motives with introspection.

[–]prodigy2throw 0 points1 point  (1 child)

This is the kind of posts I come to trp for. I don't care how zootopia is a cuck movie or whatever the fuck.

I need to focus on me and change my outlook and habits in life to get better at life.

[–]entrz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nice write up. Except for one thing:

If you keep finding yourself in adverse situations, then you have more learning to do.

You will always find yourself in adverse situations, assume that's a constant in life. Be ready to face the adversity head-on, again and again, now and forever.

Of course, there is always more learning to do as well, so I don't exactly disagree with this.

[–]Dronitto 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Guys, check out Charles Duhigg books