TLDR: If you have trouble getting it up and you regularly jerk off to internet porn: STOP. NOW. FOREVER.
This is always an uncomfortable subject, but I think this post needs to be made. There's a silent epidemic that's sweeping through the bedrooms of men around the world, and no one (men or women) like to talk about it: erectile dysfunction from long-term pornography use.
All it takes is a google search of the terms "pornography and erectile dysfunction" or a quick browsing of yourbrainonporn.com and you'll find a wealth of information about this mounting problem.
At increasingly younger ages, men are now readily exposed to more arousing pictures, videos and sounds than ever before. A man can see more tits, ass, and sex in the span of about 15 minutes than one of our distant ancestors would have been able to see in an entire lifetime.
I'm pushing 30 now, but as a pubescent preteen I nevertheless had access to high speed internet in the privacy of my own bedroom, and I developed a habit that stuck with me for 15 years. I loved porn, and there were times where I'd spend an entire evening, sometimes even an entire day jerking off to it. I know I'm not the only one who's done this - it just feels so damn good.
Initially I was a little concerned that masturbating to porn so often would be unhealthy, but the literature I could find online told me the contrary - masturbation is a healthy, safe and fun expression of your sexuality, I was told. It's a great way to relieve stress and feel good without the risks of sex, drugs and alcohol. Awesome, I thought.
When I finally lost my virginity in my late teens, I had trouble getting it up. At first I thought it was the condom. I thought it was uncomfortable and stopped me from feeling any sensation, and that was the reason I couldn't get it up.
Later, I would have trouble getting it up even when trying to go in raw. When I went to a doctor and asked for his advice, he prescribed me some viagra but told me that the problem was psychological and not physical, since I could maintain erections easily during masturbation. He said it was a case of 'performance anxiety.'
I believed that explanation, until I noticed that it happened to me yet again when I wasn't feeling any nervousness or anxiety whatsoever. When that happened, I thought it was because the girl I was with was a little overweight. She just isn't sexy enough, I thought, and I need to raise my standards.
So I did. Eventually, I fucked a girl who was a 10 in my books. Beautiful face, perfectly round ass, great tits, feminine curves - my dream girl, basically. I even popped a fucking viagra beforehand. And it STILL. DIDN'T. WORK. But the two of us had just had a few drinks together - it must be whisky dick, I told myself.
I can't begin to describe the feelings of self-loathing and the impact these experiences had on my ego. My self worth as a man was practically destroyed by these experiences.
I even began to question my own sexuality - is it possible that I was gay and didn't know it? I did some introspection. I certainly wasn't homophobic, I've always been in big favor of gay rights - so it was unlikely I was somehow repressing a latent homosexuality. Moreover, the thought of sex with a man repulsed me. I only checked out women in public, I only jerked off to women, I only ever thought about women in a sexual context.
So I wasn't gay, it wasn't the girls being too fat or ugly, it wasn't the condoms, it wasn't performance anxiety, what the hell was it? Was something wrong with me physically?
Well, I wasn't in particularly good shape at the time, and I drank and smoked cigarettes. I (finally) quit smoking, hit the gym HARD for a couple years, lost a hundred pounds, built a respectable amount of muscle, and for the first time in my life I had 6 pack abs. I was eating healthy, well-balanced meals, sleeping 8 hours every night, drinking lots of water and doing everything right.
My fitness levels went through the roof. I was bigger, stronger, and faster than I had ever been. Gone were the days of being winded walking up a flight of stairs - I could now run a half-marathon with ease and I was hitting PRs in the gym deadlifting, squatting and bench-pressing on a regular basis.
But after all that effort, literally years of doing everything right: it STILL. DIDN'T. WORK. Sex was lousy, I would get hard and then lose it half way through, and my brain would constantly come up with all kinds of excuses for why it didn't work.
If you haven't been there, it's hard to describe the feeling of having a beautiful woman soaking wet on her hands and knees, her ass high in the air for you, begging for you to fuck her, and you just can't do it. You go from feeling like a pimp to feeling suicidal in a manner of a few minutes. It's indescribably disheartening.
Some women thought it was their fault. Others thought it was my fault. But in virtually all cases, they would eventually turn cold and find some other guy who didn't have my problem. And you know what? I honestly don't blame them. Say what you will about oral sex and clitoral stimulation being more pleasurable for girls than PIV, the fact remains: girls want to be pounded, and if you can't deliver, they'll find someone who can.
So what the fuck was wrong with me? I was young, healthy, in shape. My sex drive was higher than ever, and I could stay hard for hours when masturbating. Even after I came, I could get hard again in a matter of a few minutes. In front of a keyboard and a screen, I was a sex machine, but with a woman? Pathetic.
Yet for all these years, I maintained my awful, soul-sucking habit of spending at LEAST an hour or two a day masturbating to porn online.
From a very young age (around 12-13) my brain began to associate computers with sexuality. My brain associated my sex drive with clicking, searching, solitude, voyeurism, and all the other behaviors associated with jerking off to porn. It was if my brain thought that jerking off to porn WAS sex - somehow, the neural pathways developed incorrectly.
And so when it was time for REAL sex, with its sometimes awkward positions, the tactile sensations, the smells, the emotional intimacy, and all the other things that go with it, my brain didn't really understand. I'd get hard at first from LOOKING at the girl, but when it came time to put on a condom and go inside her, it was as if my brain was saying: "Where's the screen? Where is the keyboard? Why is someone else here with you? Why aren't you sitting down? This doesn't feel like the death-grip I'm used to feeling."
I know I'm not the only one who's had this experience. But the fact is, it's embarrassing as hell - not only for the men it happens to, but the women as well who often wonder if it's their fault for not being attractive enough.
But you'll be hard pressed to find a girl who hasn't experienced this. In fact, some girls have confided that this has happened with upwards of 50% of their partners.
And with smartphones in the hand of every teenager, I would predict that the problem is only going to get worse, because by and large society is still unaware of what a colossal problem this is.
I'm not here to preach the virtues of nofap and say that it's for everyone. If you don't have any performance issues with women, then this post isn't for you, but if you do, heed my advice or ignore it at your own peril: the best thing you can do to reclaim your masculinity and start enjoying a satisfying sex life for yourself and your partners is to do the following:
STOP JERKING OFF TO PORN. FOREVER.
If you're someone like me who's been accustomed to the habit for years, be aware that it will not be a matter of days or even weeks until you're fully healed: it's going to be months. Maybe even a year. Maybe more. But with every day that you abstain from jerking off to porn, you will be one day closer to freedom. With every day that passes, you will be gradually healing yourself.
At this point in my life, I can finally say that my days of jerking off to porn are behind me and I can finally have satisfying sex with a woman without any difficulties getting or maintaining an erection. Sex (even with a condom) is immensely pleasurable in a way that I never thought would be possible at my lowest point.
I mourn the loss of all the years of a potentially satisfying sex life I lost to this horrible addiction, and the thousands and thousands of hours I spent indulging in an activity that did nothing but harm me in spite of the pleasure it brought.
But I can't turn back time, I can't re-live the days I lost, I'll never get all those countless hours back. All I can do is make the most of the precious time I have left on this Earth, and never ever look back.