We know that AWALT. We know about hypergamy, we know about branch swinging, and we know what the consequences are for ending up in an LTR or marriage with the wrong girl or the wrong frame. However, women’s mentality lies along a spectrum. On one end of the spectrum we see the most insane, malevolent, and dishonest women possible. These are best avoided. On the other end of the spectrum, we see women who, while still AWALT, are capable of being good girlfriends, wives, and mothers, and who, if you want to have an LTR, are the kind of women that you will want to look for. The only way to find these worthwhile women is to be very discerning in type of girl you allow to get close to you. This will require strict standards for yourself that you will need some discipline to keep.
Character judgement is a very important skill. To be able to look at a person’s behavior and infer what kind of person they are is absolutely invaluable. Especially with women. Very often when I hear about a guy getting fucked over by a girl, I think “There must have been a red flag. There must have been something in her behavior which indicated that she is a critical level of untrustworthy.” And there, while not always, there often is.
There are often clues in women’s behavior which tell us, “Can I trust you or not?” I’ve noticed some of these clues and I will share them with you now.
I think that the skill of character judgement is discussed too little on TRP. It really is one of the most important skills you can have. So with that in mind I decided to tell you about some behavioral traits that I’ve learned, from experience, are red flags.
Her opinion of people changes with her mood
All women’s perception of events is filtered through their emotional state, but not to the same extent. I have learned from experience time and time again that if a woman is capable of having a worse opinion of a person and their character because she’s in a worse mood, she cannot be trusted. This one is not negotiable. If she genuinely believes that someone else is bad because she’s having a bad day, she’s not someone that you can be close to safely. Just take this behavior and stretch it down the line. Would you want your children to have a mother who stopped loving them or behaved maliciously with your children because she was in a bad mood one day? I’ve seen mothers do this to children. You don’t want it happening to your kids.
She engages in gossip
Women who engage in gossip can’t be trusted. Their opinion of you can change based upon things that other people said about you behind your back. You’ll never be privy to the origins of gossip and you will never have a chance to set the record straight.
There are women who refuse to engage in gossip and who don’t talk about their personal life. They are rare but they exist. A woman who refuses to gossip might be trustworthy, other factors depending, but a gossip can never be trusted. This is not negotiable.
I will add also that a person who gossips about someone else is also gossiping about you. And gossip is never to say good things. For this reason you yourself should never gossip, and if you’re talking about someone who isn’t present, only say positive things. Gossip is a game that it does not pay to participate in.
She never views problems as her fault
If a girl always blames something outside of herself for problems in her life, you can never rely on her to be your firstmate on the ship of life. A girl has to be able to take responsibility for her actions, to realize when something is her fault and to be willing to take steps to correct it. If she isn’t, and she never believes that she can hold fault or blame, beware.
Her promises are flexible
If a girl says, “I hold X opinion,” and later behaves as though she never said this, or says something in direct contradiction, this is a big indicator of how much faith you can put into her words. Additionally, if she says “I will do X,” and then never does it, and this is a pattern, it indicates unreliability. For me this is fine for plates, I have plenty of plates who are totally unreliable. But if I am to share my life with a girl, I need to know that when she says “I think x,” or “I will do Y” that these words can be counted on.
Her explanations don’t add up
I have had a lot of experience with women. Sometimes I was a hard core red pill chad, and sometimes I fucked it up entirely. Not all my experience was successful. Every single time that I was lied to, deceived, or fucked with by a woman, there was one common strand to every single bad woman: she explained things in a way that just didn’t add up. The way she described her past, or her life, or her opinions, or anything contained holes that appeared odd or unnatural. In the instances when I handled this situation poorly, I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Every time I gave her the benefit of the doubt in this situation, it bit me in the ass.
If a girl talks about her life in a way that has details that don’t make sense to you, or you have some feeling in your gut that tells you “Huh… that seems odd…” it means that she is lying. Again – if she’s a pump and dump, fine, lie all you want just make sure you wore a condom and didn’t tell her your real name. I use “John” a lot. That’s one thing. But if you are going to share your life with her, these uncertainties have to be a dealbreaker.
She doesn’t show appreciation
Some girls will be delighted by the smallest things from a guy she respects. Some girls will have only one thought – why isn’t there more? I don’t think it’s possible to be happy with an unappreciative girl. I’ve seen guys try to date unappreciative women and if it’s not miserable at first, it becomes miserable eventually.
By contrast, the best women (read: most well-suited for LTR’s) that I’ve known would be overjoyed if I gave them a fridge magnet or some little bullshit, as if it were a diamond ring. Because it’s not about the object – it’s about how much they value YOU. The fact that they appreciate small things isn’t coming from them appreciating the THING itself, it’s coming from how much they appreciate YOU and the fact that this thing comes from you. If the fact that it comes from you doesn’t mean anything to them, then YOU don’t mean anything to them.
She isn’t humble
The reason I included this one is because I’ve noticed that women who have a really high opinion of their own intelligence or self worth are easily offended. And you know what a scorned woman is capable of. I personally am a pretty intellectual guy. I’m not a bookworm but I love serious shit, both academic and in life in general. The women I knew who thought they were hot shit, either intellectually or in general, more often felt threatened by the fact that I actually know my shit and I don’t hide it.
To contrast, the women I knew who said, and really believed, “I’m nothing special,” were in fact far more special than the ones who thought they were all that.
Humility in a woman is non-negotiable. A woman with an excessively high opinion of herself will make you miserable eventually in an LTR.
She speaks ill of exes
Odds are, your girl isn’t a virgin. While marrying a girl with a notch count in the hundreds might not be the best idea, we accept that we are probably not going to be the first experience a girl has had. If a girl says bad things about the guys she’s dated before, it is a red flag.
I recently read a post by /u/redpillschool about about the “light switch effect,” how when a woman loses interest she rewrites her memory of what happened with you as if the light switched from on to off with no grey area. This theory is 100% true – but it happens in different degrees with different women. Some women can, at any moment and for the stupidest of reasons, switch from on to off and forget everything good that ever happened with you. However, there do exist women for whom this effect is not AS extreme. If she speaks ill of exes it means that her light switch effect is very strong, and it means she can EASILY rewrite all the good things you’ve done.
Either that or she is attracted to assholes and they really were all terrible, in which case, still a red flag.
edit: upon proofreading I realize on this one that I should add speaking well of exes is also a red flag. The fact that she's talking about ex-lovers to you in any amount of detail doesn't mean anything good for your relationship with her, unless you're really pressing her for this information. In this particular red flag I was referring more to the fact that she took it upon herself to make sure you knew this information. Which is, again, a bit of a warning indicator.
She doesn’t know how to cook
You may not agree with this one, but this isn’t coming from red pill purely logical analysis, this is coming from experience. Again, I’ve been with very, very many girls (not necessarily a natural chad but tall, good looking face, and intelligent, enough to always make it work) and I’ve noticed trends in their behavior. If a girl doesn’t know how to cook, I’ve noticed she is more accustomed to other people doing things for her and tends to be less reliable in an LTR context.
I personally am a good cook and I don’t NEED a girl to cook for me. It’s not about the food here. The fact that she’s INCAPABLE raises a lot of questions. About her ability to take care of kids (if that’s something you want in your life), about her concern about health and inevitable weight gain if she can’t make her own food, about her femininity and pride as a woman. And about not being generally useless – cooking is easy and if you can’t do it, you’re an idiot. This goes for men. If you are a man and you don’t know how to cook, what the fuck is wrong with you, figure it out it’s easy and important for keeping fit).
The most LTR – positive women I knew would start cooking and cleaning without being asked to when they visited my place because it was instinct for them. Again – I don’t NEED her to do this. I can do it myself. But the fact that she did was often accompanied with the fact that she was a woman who would rather be first mate than captain.
You will find it interesting to note that most of these such women were not American. Look, I love my country and even though I’ve spent half my life abroad I’ll always be a true red white and blue American. But seriously man, our women got some issues when that LTR question comes up. I will throw out my two cents and say that IF I were to LTR/marry/children (which I don’t intend to do for reasons you all already know), my first choice would not be an American girl. Slavic/Russian women have a lot of cultural qualities that make them interesting for this kind of thing. If you’re interested in knowing why, let me know and I’ll make another post about it.
But in any case, having no idea how to cook is a red flag.
She remembers offenses
A woman who keeps a list in her mind of offenses can’t be trusted. One day one of those offenses will be one of yours and it will be ammunition used against you.
Now, you might say, “But all women do this.” Sure – but not to the same extent. That’s what I’m getting at with this post. If this is a behavior you notice regularly, if it’s something you’re seeing as a mainstay of her behavior in any way, it should raise alarm bells in your head. The best women I’ve ever known… (and yes, for those who think we TRPers are angry misogynists who hate women, I love women and I have known many women that I think are wonderful people, there is nothing in what I say here motivated by anger or hatred…) The best women I’ve ever known hated conflict with people, hated arguing, and preferred to resolve confrontation as quickly as possible and forget all about it so they could move on to peaceful relations. You probably saw Bill Burr describe his own mother in this way, and suggest it was a generational culture gap. These women never used past actions of mine against me in an argument or dispute.
Which brings me to my next red flag, which is entirely connected to this one:
She can’t discuss disagreements peacefully
I was saying: the best women I’ve ever known dislike conflict or argument. These same women, from my experience, are also able to discuss disagreements peacefully. Even the most perfect unicorn is going to have disagreements with you, but disagreements don’t have to be conflict. A woman that you can consider trusting is one who is able, when the situation calls for it, to attempt objectivity and reason with you. If she CAN’T, stay away.
I can tell you that there were times when I realized that I had been very aggressive and hostile when this wasn’t called for, and my sense of honesty and fairness compelled me to acknowledge to her that I realized it was uncalled for. Because I am very honest, it’s my nature as a person, I hate lying I love realness. I’m a minority in this maybe – A lot of TRP says you should never apologize and I don’t agree with that. In my preference, an LTR should resemble a power struggle as LITTLE as possible. I hate conflict too. I like real human companionship. In real life, people have flaws and sometimes we’re wrong, including me, and I’d like to be able to come clean in those cases without this acknowledgement being used as a weapon against me.
So for this reason I include this trait as a necessity: because you need a woman who is capable of you admitting fault without ever wanting to use it against you. Because that’s how I want to live. I don’t want to live with a woman whose loyalty is unpredictable enough that she might lose respect for you if you acknowledged to fault when you actually were at fault. This is something that you can decide for yourself is important to you, or if you disagree with me. Results may vary. I know that what I’m saying here is anecdotal, I’m just confident enough that this is true because I’ve seen it every fucking time. And I’m already in the triple digits.
But back to this item as a criteria for LTR selection: This is my own interpretation of TRP that differs from the mainstream a little bit. I don’t share the idea that proper frame means not ever sharing ideas about how you feel, your weaknesses, etc. I think it’s more about HOW you share these weaknesses. Let’s take the example of unexpected unemployment. Someone women will drop you anyway for it. You don’t want them for an LTR. A woman worth an LTR should be able to see weakness in you without doubting that you’re going to bounce back. In the same difference that you might know someone is in a weakened or compromised position after not having slept a few days but that after a good sleep they will be normal. That’s the difference. They view it as minor and temporary rather than as permanent and dominant as a feature. It’s still AWALT – they will still hate weakness, they will still judge you for showing weakness, but they are more self aware and situationally aware to have a more reasonable understanding of weakness. To know that temporary setbacks don’t fundamentally change who a person is. So therefore it’s still awalt, it’s just a more self aware and emotionally mature version of it in terms of what you should be looking for from a potential LTR.
For me, if I can’t have moments of weakness due to life fucking happening (and no matter how fucking alpha you are, life WILL fuck you over at some point) and still be able to count on a girl to come out the other side with me, then she is not worth an LTR and I’m better off with just plates.
This is a TRP topic about which there is some disagreement so if you disagree with what I’ve said, I invite you to explain why. It’s something that the TRP community could benefit from some close consideration on because there are a large number of guys who are interested in TRP but also would like to have LTR’s or have children one day, and they view the two to be at odds. A guy’s desire for LTR or children shouldn’t conflict with his ability to swallow the red pill, so it benefits us to figure out:
Just how much AWALT should a guy be willing to swallow in order to have an LTR?
That’s part of what I’m trying to answer with this post.
She doesn’t try to understand things you care about
This one can also be written from the inverse:
If a woman tries to understand the things you care about, it indicates interest in you.
The reason I say this is because the most LTR-suited women that I’ve seen would make a consistent effort to understand and learn about the things that they knew were important to me. The fact that it was important to me was enough to make them interested in it. They might not be smart, they might not be educated, and they might not ever get good at it, but the fact that your interest makes them care about it is one of the indicators of an LTR-positive woman in my experience. And on a personal level it’s much more pleasant to interact with them. For example: if you’re really into something and it’s a pervasive part of your life, a girl who can share your enthusiasm even if she understands nothing about what’s happening makes it a shared bonding experience.
The red flag version of this is that a girl that can never have enthusiasm for anything outside her own interests. Let’s call it astrology, puppies, selfies, starbucks, and celebrity gossip. She really can’t get into your conversation about WW2 tank strategy that initiated after you saw that brad pitt movie because it was relevant. Discussion dies out. But we pass the shoe store and she's full of opinions. Pffft. That isn’t interesting to me. There are women who are able to take an interest in learning new things and be enthusiastic about it. They are vastly more interesting to have around than women without such curiosity. This should be one of your indicators in finding an LTR-worthy girl. These shared interests cannot be the source of attraction because she will never be attracted to you because you are able to share interests with her.
Rather, the fact that she is attracted to you will cause her to become interested in the things you care about. If isn’t ever interested, this means she’s not really into you.
She’s not sexually eager, open, and experimental
This brings us to the keystone of this list. This is the most important one. A woman who is really interested in you will want you. If she gives you reasons to doubt that she wants you sexually, or she shows hesitation, or is unwilling to be sexually open to you or consider trying something outside of vanilla that you’re interested [within reason], it means she’s not really interested in you. Every girl I’ve ever seen who was really interested in being with me had the attitude that she would do anything I wanted sexually [again, within reason] and if it was an idea that she didn’t like before, she became interested in it because she was turned on by the idea of doing something I liked.
We have discussed some main red flags for women you’re considering an LTR with. If you have others that your life experience has shown you, share them. If you ARE going to make the decision to LTR a girl, or to have children or attempt to create a family, it will be a decision of serious magnitude. You must be selective, you must be willing to rule out girls because they have unacceptable traits or you will regret it and your children may regret it as well.
You must be willing to have your own standards and criteria for choosing a girl that you do not break, and you must be willing to ignore other people’s standards of telling you what you should want, who you should want, and when you should want it. They aren’t interested in what’s best for you.
If you think I've forgotten a red (or green) flag in women's behavior, say so.