To the young man I saw at the gym last night: (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by 2016redditor

I haven't seen you in here before. You seemed a bit unfamiliar with the environment, perhaps a bit uncomfortable. Your pale white skin and obvious lack of muscle tone confirms that impression. And your buddies were similarly soft. That's ok. Just learn to lift the right way and keep coming back.

I got the impression you have had your natural joy and self confidence hammered out of you by endless "socialization".

When our gaze happened to meet, you quickly averted your eyes and looked downward. There's no need for that. You have every right to be there too. I'm not there to challenge or intimidate you; I'm just getting a workout like everybody else. Relax and have fun, chat with the other members, it's good, friendly, low key gym.

You're a tall kid, well over 6 feet. But your hair is a sloppy mess - is that the fashion in your high school these days? Anyway, it makes you look weak and effeminate. The nerdy round tortoise shell glasses from the 1990's don't help any either. Can you afford contacts? Maybe save up a bit of money, get a side job.

You seem to have good facial structure, good basic build / bone structure, so with a few months of lifting, a good haircut, some decent clothes, and most important, steady confident eye contact and a bit of a smirk, you will be getting those cute little honeys flirting with you. Yes, those latina chicks in the yoga pants, I saw you eyeing them wistfully. They would totally get with a tall white boy like you, if you have just a bit of game and confidence.

I know it seems doubtful from where you are now. Just do the work. It will happen.

I hope I see you again soon. This time, look me in the eye, nod or say hi. I'll be happy to return the favor.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 559 points560 points  (112 children)

To anyone thinking about going to the gym, don't worry - most people don't give a fuck about anyone else and are just there to look at themselves.

If that's not enough to help get past the fear of judgement remember to compare yourself to people NOT at the gym, rather than those that are.

TL;DR: go to the gym for YOU, the rest is just noise.

[–][deleted] 140 points141 points  (52 children)

remember to compare yourself to people NOT at the gym, rather than those that are.

Good advice but it's impossible to follow. I'm bigger now than I've ever been but everyday at 5am I'm reminded that I'm forever small.

[–]Magnetosis 117 points118 points  (31 children)

You never get any bigger, everybody else just gets smaller.

[–]tuxedoburrito 45 points46 points  (25 children)

Haha I lift in the early mornings with all the body builders. I always feel so small, but I work hard. I lifted last night around 5pm and saw the usual night crowd: I never felt bigger in my life.

[–]madeaccfortrp 9 points10 points  (21 children)

Is there a reason they all lift in the morning?

[–]1RPAlternate42 32 points33 points  (19 children)

2 a days. Busy work. Habit. Like finds like.

[–]madeaccfortrp 32 points33 points  (17 children)

2 a days.

This largely explains it.

The reasons I've heard are peak testosterone in the morning and its great for lifestyle. Knowing you've taken care of lifting gives you a good foundation for the rest of your day.

[–]FriedHayek 5 points6 points  (13 children)

This explains why my friend started going at those hours.

[–]madeaccfortrp 22 points23 points  (12 children)

Honestly, that seems like the best approach to getting discipline. Wake up so early that you can complete every essential task you've deemed for yourself. If that means 3 hours early, so be it. Go to the gym, make all the meals you need for the day, meditate.

After you're done with work, your entire schedule is clear. There is no more anxiety or thinking about "whether you're actually going to go to the gym today".

That mental freedom combined with the fact that you've just spent 6-10 hours dedicated to improving yourself+your career results in you utilizing the rest of your time effectively too.

[–]1RPAlternate42 7 points8 points  (11 children)

I'm currently working on moving my gym time back a bit each week until I can do it first thing in the morning... before I have to deal with kids and shit.

For me, since my wife is out the door by 0715, I need to be home by then, which means I need to be at the gym by 0615, which means I need to leave by 6:00 which means I need to be up at 0500. I have a rough few weeks ahead. Because I go to the gym at 1500 right now. Fortunately, I work from home, so I have the flexibility for this.

The downside to mornings, for me, is I'm ready fro a nap by 1000.

[–]BENDERisGRREAT 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Is it true lifting in the morning as opposed to the afternoon gets your metabolism kickstarted as well?

[–]madeaccfortrp 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Inconclusive / Irrelevant. Any actual metabolic differences won't really matter. If morning lifting translates into better eating habits just due to logistics (you have less hours where you could potentially binge eat, you're more organized with your dieting habits, ect), that wouldn't be directly due to the exercise timing.

Lifting in the morning likely won't directly increase metabolism. Other factors might result in an overall increased metabolism.

Lifting in the morning --> Improved afternoon physical performance in a sport ---> Higher energy expenditure. That sort of thing.


[–]EnriqueShockwave9000 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I feel like I just got hit in the face with science. BRO SCIENCE 🔬

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points  (9 children)

I think most guys have a little bit of body dysmorphic disorder. They don't really have a good grasp of how other people perceive them, and tend to be over critical of their own body. From the skinny kid, trying to hide his "toothpick forearms" to the big guy frustrated that his calves are "grossly out of proportion", a lot of dudes are hating on themselves on things that nobody really notices but them.

Meanwhile, there's this thought that other people are judging them as well. Oh no! Someone might have saw that weak bench press! How embarrassing!

Reality is, nobody cares. In fact, it can be a little crazy how little people care. A good social experiment for anyone who doesn't have a good grasp of this, is to just wear something ridiculous in public. Go to a hardcore scary biker bar, in a light blue Hollister shirt, wear 2 different types of shoes, like a red tennis shoe and a black work boot, just look dumb on purpose... and then go out and see how many people even freaking notice, let alone give a damn.

Nobody gives a shit what you're doing in the GYM, guys.

[–]Mon_k 9 points10 points  (0 children)

The reality is no one cared what you were doing while you were sitting at home playing video games, why would they suddenly start giving a Shit because you're at the gym instead?

You gotta care about yourself because no one else will; but don't care so much that you begin to "project" it on to those around you.

[–]1Soarinc 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This is a slippery slope though. Eventually you become the guy who just keeps 7 shirts in his closet that he never washes and just re-uses weekly.

Inner game is just as important as outer game, and the only person whose opinion you should concern with is your own. Not trying to knock on this advice -- just know that taking shortcuts will only come back to hurt you when it counts. If you don't follow the latest fashion trends and stock up on plenty of metro-sexual hair products, then you are at a serious disadvantage in the game of life, and will never achieve "highest possible hb#" in the mini-game of getting your dick wet.


[–][deleted] 3 points3 points

[permanently deleted]

[–]PinkySlayer 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I avoided the awkward spot asking by learning how to panic roll. There's videos on YouTube of it, but essentially when you fail on a bench press rep you lower the bar to your stomach and sit up while rolling the bar towards your legs and then rowing the bar down to the ground. It sounds scary or impossible but it's actually extremely easy. Try it with light weight first.


[–]zxDanKwan 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Constant and never ending improvement. The pill only wakes you up. This is the real medicine that fixes you.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (5 children)

A guy I hadn't seen in a while told me I was looking huge the other day and I played it off so much that it kind of got awkward when he saw that I was serious.

[–]1Soarinc 21 points22 points  (4 children)

A guy I hadn't seen in a while told me I was looking huge the other day and I played it off so much that it kind of got awkward when he saw that I was serious.

Either I'm drunk as shit, or this sentence didn't make any damn sense.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think he was just playing the compliment down and being overly humble. That can become awward though if you do it too much. Just accept the compliment and move on

[–]Endorsed Contributorredpillbanana 20 points21 points  (0 children)

If that's not enough to help get past the fear of judgement remember to compare yourself to people NOT at the gym, rather than those that are.

As long as you compare favorably to the man you were yesterday, you're doing great.

[–]Auphor_Phaksache 31 points32 points  (5 children)

Unless you do curls in the squat rack. Then get the fuck out and stay out.

[–]GunsGermsAndSteel 8 points9 points  (0 children)

No trial. No jury. Instant death penalty.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I never knew curling in a squat rack was an actual thing until I witnessed it one day. Some veteran looking dude all tatted up doing barbell curls in a squat rack, light weight for fucking hundreds of reps. The dude wasn't big but was veiny as fuck. Dude was doing nothing but curls for an hour, I was like shit there goes my schedule.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

unless you're curling 60kg. Then it's legit.

[–]1StoicCrane 6 points7 points  (1 child)

If anything the people that a newbie would think would judge the most are too swollen from deadlifts and benching to give a damn. If anything they'd offer pointers.

[–]AhWarlin 11 points12 points  (11 children)

To anyone thinking about going to the gym, don't worry - most people don't give a fuck about anyone else and are just there to look at themselves.

But isn't this specific post proof that this statement isnt true? The OP doesn't seem to be mean spirited but literally the entire post is him judging some guy at the gym.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 35 points36 points  (4 children)

but literally the entire post is him judging some guy at the gym

No it isn't.

The post is ego-centric self congratulation masquerading as offering patronising help but without even offering any help to the person in the story. "Young man" is a put down. "You're below me but I'll help" and "kid" and "hair's a mess" and "say hi and I'll return the favour" (why is it up to the kid to say hi???).

For all OP knows, the kid with the messy hair is an internet billionaire. You just don't know, and to assume the mantle of mentor without it being asked for is slightly insulting.

In other words, the post is all about the self rather than some kid who was fleetingly seen in the gym, and it's designed to make the poster look good rather than to help anyone.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I thought it was a thiny veiled homoerotic advert for the dudes dick. Definitely ego centric.

[–]InsanityTrack 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Your overanalyzing the post, the post is self contradicting in that judgment is passed yet it doesn't matter because no action was taken, and more importantly if OP had acted it would have likely been positive for the young man.

This purpose of the post was to alleviate fears of newbies here to go to the gym.

The "kid with the messy hair is an internet billionaire" could have also been the second coming of Jesus for all OP knows.

From what it seems the young man is below the OP in the states environment: The gym.

While this post does have any break through knowledge it is still beneficial considering the number of losers on TRP who haven't been here long enough to see that this post is redundant to older members.

[–]GunsGermsAndSteel 6 points7 points  (4 children)

The entire post is him writing down what he wished he coulda said to the kid. He wishes that kid the best. It's obvious in his writing.

[–]AhWarlin 2 points3 points  (3 children)

He wishes that kid the best.

I know judgment tends to have a negative connotation, but not necessarily. The OP did judge the kid. He wasn't an asshole, he didn't talk shit about it, he didn't talk to the kid at all, but he DID judge the kid.

Besides, the post I was replying to uses an even more generous phrasing "giving a fuck", which the OP without question did. It just seems kinda strange to say "no one gives a shit that you're there and you'll be left alone" reply on a thread that proves that isn't necessarily the case.

[–]ItalianoVero 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean if you're at the gym in my vicinity I'm probably going to look at you. I'll check out your form, the weight you're using, etc. And if someone is clearly a total noon and does something dumb like load up way too much weight on bench with no spotter you're goddamn right I'm watching so I can save you when you inevitably fail a rep(university gyms lol). But I'm not going to say something or laugh or anything like that. Stop being so insecure and just lift you guys.

[–]pimpnocchio 5 points6 points  (10 children)

What's the protocol for asking for advice at the gym? I'm 33, a fat fuck and my motivation quickly leaves me because I have absolutely no fucking clue on what to do. I know I'm tired of being fat. I'm not doing it to get chicks, I'm doing it because I feel like I've let myself down for 33 years. I feel very ashamed every time I look in the mirror. I should also mention I have a torn ACL right now, so running/walking is a no go until after surgery.

I was doing awesome several years ago. Got down from 450 to under 300, but after getting divorce raped, protective orders my kids taken away from me and moved over 500 miles away, and several suicide attempts, I'm back up to 360. I'm better than this, but I'm brand new to lifting and need guidance (cheap guidance, as I currently pay over $700 a month in child support on a $10 an hour job.)

I'm new to the red pill, only 6 months in, but I believe in almost everything I've read her regarding women and the way the world is. It sucked at first, but I am starting to see how I can use it to my advantage. The main gospel for me right now is the 48 laws of power. Wow. Eye opener, and I can definitely see my past mistakes in the transgressions of the laws. How could I be so blind?

[–]fugued 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Look for the serious guys (not the Jersey Shore crowd), the ones you see every time you go, and just ask. They'll probably be glad to offer some advice. None of em will give you odd-ball "try this one weird trick" advice. If they've been at it for years they'll all have similar ideas.

I get asked a lot, from older guys, young guys, heavy guys, skinny guys. I am always friendly, helpful and positive. And girls ask too, but in a covert manner - their typical move is to hop on the contorting machine in front of me, and wait for me to talk to them. Or skim by closely when I'm doing a seated exercise. You'll see, over the next year.

[–]2Archterus 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Maybe the same for picking up plates. APPROACH. Get a copy of the book 'Antifragile'. You will make yourself stronger by deliberately and frequently putting yourself in uncomfortable situations. My experience in the gym is that the guys that know what they are about can be spotted pretty easily. Never had a knock back when I have asked for advice, just be seen to be following through on it. No one who is serious tolerates an attention seeker.

[–]Igetitnow2 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Try "Hey man, can you check my form?". I hired a trainer in the beginning, it's worth the money to learn the right way first than to do it wrong for a long time.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ask the guys who look like you'd like to look, and who look like they train hard.

Then, make sure you do what they advise you. Make sure they see you doing it too, and they'll be happy to continue advising you.

If you ask their advice and ignore it, they won't bother in the future.

[–]curunir 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Plenty of gyms offer trainers, and if you can't afford that, you've got to build your own program. You might meet someone at the gym willing to help, but absolutely do not rely on that.

This is a good place to start: http://stronglifts.com/5x5/

You're gonna have to get used to being hungry to get that weight off. Sorry. It's gonna be hard. Just make sure everything you eat is good nutrition. Since you'll be working out, you'll need plenty of protein, but don't neglect veggies, vitamins, etc. AVOID GRAINS

Eat small meals, 5 times per day. Google 5 meals a day and you'll get some excellent ideas for maintaining nutritious meals without stuffing yourself with tons of calories.

The torn ACL is really going to get in your way. If walking is out of the question, what about eliptical? Cycling? Some low-impact aerobic stuff will really help get the weight off quicker. But, remember, if you're building muscle, it's a triple threat to your fat anyway - you're burning calories during workout, while the muscle is building, AND to maintain the extra muscle you gain.

Again, diet is key (not diet as in eat less, diet as in eat RIGHT). Plenty of protein, plenty of GOOD fats (eating fat does NOT make you fat), avoid grains, and low carbs, making sure the carbs you eat are giving you the best nutrition you can get out of them.

[–]Fatboy214 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When i got divorce raped i got in the best shape of my life. Because honestly i was doing it strictly to help my game with women. But then i got addicted to the gym.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

search 5x5 or stronglifts on google, read the plan. youtube the exercise to show you form. you have to do it 3x per week, and its all compound, gets you really strong. also don't be such a fat fuck, this is your actual fucking life

[–]InsanityTrack 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Before asking people at the gym put in some work yourself. Research, plenty of articles on the internet. Some good starting points are Keto Diet, Intermittent Fasting, Starting Strength, 5x5, Push Pull Leg Split, German Volume Training, Education of a Bodybuilder. Godspeed.

[–]username5150 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I haven't been to the gym in a long ass time. Need to get back in the swing of things, mainly because I have been having neck and back problems that required surgery. I am totally out shape but before that I was consistently going for almost 10 years. Any time I went to the gym I would really not give any fucks about anyone else. I would throw on my headphones and get into the zone working out. Also I am a very talkative person but at the gym I HATE being bothered by strangers in a full out conversation. I'm not their to make friends I'm there to work on my health and physique. Also when I first started i was 230lbs at 17 and couldn't do a push-up or lift 135. However I kept telling me self to get through the beginning that it begins somewhere and eventually I'll lift more. A few years later my Mac was 235 after I lost some weight as well and was really into working out a lot. So anyone can do it. Just takes dedication

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (3 children)

Going to the gym and comparing yourself to others in the gym is like going to top notch college and getting down because you're not top of the class. Contrary to popular belief there are more than enough good jobs to go around for those putting in the work, and the same goes for cute chicks in yoga pants. It's especially true when all you want to do is rent them out for a weekend at a time.

[–]1Sir_Distic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Most of the time other people in the gym will help you out. Just ask someone to help you with form. Spot you. Etc

[–]CQC3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It really is a bunch of horse shit. The gym is not an intimidating place, people just stereotype too much and live inside their fucking heads. They don't realize their insecurity is not reality.

Most regulars at the gym are either swell dudes who'll help you or guys who won't think twice about you and don't care whether you bench 225+ or just the bar. If I see a weak kid coming to the gym 3 or more times a week and is consistent, I can respect the grind. The only lifts that matter are yours, never compare, but it's okay to be mirin once in awhile.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Have you heard Milo talk about fat shaming on Joe Rogan's podcast. He cares.

[–]xmido 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Gym or restaurants, no one really cares that much. Everyone thinking about themselves and how they look.

[–]Luckyluke23 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yeah man, people in the gym are there to do a work out and leave. I'm more worried about the chicks doing squats that are going to cause me to have an injury soon.

[–]GunsGermsAndSteel 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I completely disagree with this. I don't compare myself to the average man in my demographic. I'm a 42 year old man in the Southern US; if I compare to the norm set by my peers, I'll be comparing myself to a lot of overweight, semi-literate, feminized, brow-beaten weaklings who have rarely if ever seen the inside of a gym and wouldn't know a barbell from their fuckin' elbow. I'm not in the same classification as them; I'm barely even the same goddamn species as them.

I am more than that.

I compare myself to the greats because it's my earnest desire to achieve greatness. I am not racing to the bottom, I'm racing to the top. Unless I know a man is at least as strong as me (maybe I can beat his deadlift but he beats me on bench, for instance), he isn't worthy of comparing myself to.

Comparing yourself to weaklings is basically just mental masturbation. A person only does that in order to make themselves feel better about their shortcomings.

Overcome your weakness and walk among the gods.

[–]soulbrave 109 points109 points [recovered]

Fuck bro, I really needed to read this. went to the gym for the first time yesterday, didn't know what I was doing at all. I felt like people were smirking at how bad my form was. Some guy actually came over and taught me how to bench right.

[–]zxDanKwan 88 points89 points  (6 children)

Just recognize that if someone spends their time correcting you, it's a sign of respect and care.

People who don't care don't take the time to correct you, they just let you continue to be wrong.

[–]soulbrave 23 points23 points [recovered]

Yeah he was a super nice guy. He said to ask him for help if I need any advice, which I plan to do

[–]Swallowed_the_pill 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You should definitely look up Layne Norton's How to bench, how to squat and how to deadlift videos on youtube. Try to focus on the sticking points on breathing first.

[–]FrgElder 6 points6 points [recovered]

People who don't care don't take the time to correct you, they just let you continue to be wrong.

Not necessarily true. I've helped a lot of people with weights and in MMA/kickboxing/grappling if/when they ask. If I see someone that's clearly brand new doing something that will injure them I will usually jump in and show them how to do it right.

But I refrain from jumping in and correcting everyone that does exercises wrong, the reason being that 95% of people are doing the exercises wrong. It doesn't matter where you go, the majority of people don't know how to put together a proper work out and will be half or quarter repping with awful form. I'm not going to try to correct some dude trying to impress girls by quarter repping two plates. While I like helping people I don't want to be the guy in the gym who is constantly giving off unsolicited advice. Everyone hates that guy.

If you're new to any activity, look to the people who look like they know what they're doing and ask them. They've likely put a ton of effort into studying their craft and will be glad to pass along their knowledge. While I help people in the gym, I also seek help from others in activities that I'm still green at. Like dancing, or learning a new language/skill.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (2 children)

When you see this guy doing deadlifts with a rounded back, help him. The last thing he needs is a herniated disc (which will probably result in his departure from fitness entirely).

When you see this guy quarter-repping 2 plates on bench, just let it be. He's probably not going to hurt himself with decreased ROM, and if he wants to brag about his 315 bench max, which is really more like 215 if he actually did it right, just let him. You go to the gym for you, not to be better than others.

[–]FrgElder 3 points3 points [recovered]

That's basically the rules I abide by already in my own head. The first guy will be thankful for my advice. Even if the second guy is going to hurt himself, he's not going to take my advice, he'll take it as a blow to his ego and just ignore me anyways.

[–]newmeforever 20 points21 points  (6 children)

Watch some Youtube videos on exercises / form before going in.

And then start light.

[–]soulbrave 18 points18 points [recovered]

ye man. I did 5x5 until I couldn't lift the bar anymore. Face was super red. The weight almost slid off the bar to because I didn't know about the clips. Oh well, most big people started off small. One day I'll look back at today and laugh at myself.

[–]newmeforever 11 points12 points  (1 child)

you sure will.

Don't stop my dude!

They say that other people will notice changes in you in 3 months, and it will take about 6 to notice changes in yourself. I believe this because it happened to me.

Don't be scared to increase the weight when you get form right!

[–]TheRedStoic 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You will, don't worry.

Others will notice faster, the less you see them the more stark the change will be.

You won't notice quickly unless you're taking progress pics. You see yourself every day and have mental perceptions of yourself, the change is too gradual for your brain to care.

Take the progress pics weekly. You'll thank yourself in two months! It'll definitely remind you what'll happen when you get discouraged at your first serious plateau!

Also remember that the others in the gym are there to do the same job. No one is watching you, the few that are will likely help you out. Most of us were there and the memory of how it feels in your position never disappears.

Keep it up bro.

[–]GunsGermsAndSteel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's easier to start off small and skinny than to start big and fat like I did.

[–]2 Senior Endorsed Contributorvengefully_yours 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Get to know them. Most people in the gym will help you do shit right. They don't judge because they came from the same place you're in right now. They're farther down the road is all, started sooner.

You're like them, meaning you're not one of the fat people who doesn't give a shit that they have four chins and can't see their own genitalia. You give a fuck, and you're doing something about it.

[–]GunsGermsAndSteel 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Even if you are a fat fuck with four chins, once you walk through the door of that gym, you are my equal. You're here, you're working, you deserve my respect.

[–]Chomp3y 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Dude lifting is just like learning to do anything else. You cant possibly believe youre going to walk in there and have perfect form just like you wouldnt expect to walk on the football field for the first time and throw a perfect spiral. You have to be taught. If any dude is willing to teach you pay attention and learn. Ignorance is nothing to be embarrassed about. And real talk watch youtube. That helped me a shit ton. Sooo many fitness heads on youtube. I like Bradly Martyn. He seems real and honest. He has a slew of instructional videos and how-to's

[–]TheBullitt 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I wish I could tell this to everyone. I love new people approaching me and asking for help. I needed once before and I love to pass along my knowledge.

[–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Guy teaches you how to bench - that's real respect. He cares if you become strong the correct way.

Make a friend of him.

[–]CasualCocaine 1 point2 points  (0 children)

haha you remind me of when I started. Everyone starts like that, just keep going everyday, thats the hard part.

[–]An_All-Beef_Engineer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Some guy actually came over and taught me how to bench right.

That's how you know you're in a good gym.

[–]iamirishpat 0 points1 point  (3 children)

I'm going for the first time tomorrow morning. I know literally nothing about exercise and fitness. I'm pretty overweight. I'm a little nervous but I know I should do it.

[–]GunsGermsAndSteel 0 points1 point  (1 child)

He did you a huge favor, but it ain't for free! You're gonna pass that on many times in the future... the first time someone singles you out and asks you to spot them on bench, you're gonna know you're making big progress.

I remember when I first started going, I just kept my head down and tried really hard not to be noticed. Now I walk in the gym and the first thing I do is make a lap to see if any of my gym-bros are there, so I can shoot the shit with them. It's a very supportive environment once people see you're in it for the long haul and not just gonna quit.

[–]Senior ContributorSkorchZang 249 points250 points  (32 children)

Great post, full of the unmistakeable red pill vibe from the olden days.

[–]thebrandedman 151 points152 points  (31 children)

Has the ring of caring father/older brother to it. This is exactly the type of support this new generation needs.

[–]EpicTuxedoMan 17 points18 points  (1 child)

God You guys are the best. Thank you.

-Sincerely, random sophomore in high school .

[–]butitdontlooklikeme 100 points101 points  (24 children)

it has the ring of a missed encounters craigslist m4m ad

[–]Ganaria_Gente 21 points22 points  (0 children)


i thought it was a great bro2bro post

[–]theONE843663 96 points97 points  (19 children)

This is the type of mentality we're here to fix. Anything brotherly, fatherly, or men caring deeply for their brother from another mother is supposed to be gay? Get the fuck outta here you're the faggot for thinking shit like this in the first place. And this is coming from a bisexual man so if I'm saying this, then you know it's fucked.

[–]GunsGermsAndSteel 17 points18 points  (0 children)

No shit! I'm sick of it being "gay" for me to treat another man with love, respect, and affection.

For men to be afraid to treat one another with brotherly love is a huge advantage to the Feminist Generation... it ensures we can only have our emotional needs met by THEM.

[–]Mckallidon 19 points20 points  (3 children)

It's only gay if you get a boner because of it. Coincidental erections don't count.

[–]curunir 4 points5 points  (1 child)

DAMMIT! Okay - I'm calling it "coincidental", then. All straight.

[–]KumonRoguing 10 points11 points  (3 children)

It's part of the feminist agenda to break us apart. Men have to unite again and form brotherly bonds. It's not sexual, I just want to see my brothers do well. Even the army is starting to lack this and it's sad.

[–]theONE843663 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Yeh cuz now there are gay people in the army so now everyone's wondering who's the faggot. Every straight male is obsessed with this faggot shit. Str8 people now feel the need to defend their straightness. Back where i come from in Nepal, men used to hold hands when walking and it's not gay it's brotherly. They've invaded men's sexualities.

Ask any guy about their opinions on lesbians you'll see what's up. We have this thing that somehow makes lesbians awesome and faggots bad. It's the 'women are awesome' crap in a different form. Guys are hostile towards fags, but love lesbians. Girls on the other hand are cool with lesbians and don't think of them as a threat. We need to change this shit.

[–]recon_johnny 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He's fucking with you, bro.

[–]lnTheRearWithTheGear 9 points10 points  (1 child)

God knows we didn't get it from our own fathers...

[–]thebrandedman 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Mine tried, but goddamn, my mother tried to keep him whipped. I was terrified of girls because of her.

[–]GunsGermsAndSteel 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Absolutely! If we are going to un-feminize our gender, then we need to take younger guys under our wing... not necessarily to beat them over the head with "OMG RED PILL WISDOM", but to basically just bring things back to where they were 50 years ago: men mentoring men, passing on traditions.

[–][deleted] 51 points52 points  (3 children)

Entering a room and making eye contact and nodding to the men that seem to have some sort of charisma or power is a very good idea

[–]FilthyShadesOfRed 4 points5 points  (2 children)

I intuitively feel it's a very good idea, but I can't put words on why. What is the rationale here?

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Few reasons.

First, this show of respect is appreciated and could turn into a quality interaction with a man who possibly has something to share. The sharing will come from his generosity not out of any obligation.

Second, if the man turns away uncomfortably then you found the beta. Its good to know this type of information as these characteristics are not exactly tattooed on our foreheads.

Its like a reverse shit test. Only as a man, you begin with polite assumption that you are dealling with a quality man. Women, as gatekeepers of sex, assume the opposite

Lastly, the rest of the room will see your bold confidence. Your absolute expectation that these men are your equal and you begin with a slight show of respect. Not submission. Respect.

Thus, your self evaluation as a high value man must be true in their minds

This takes practice and doesnt come natural to me. I force it a bit and to this day have to remind myself to do it. Give it a try and see what you find

[–]rp_phoenix 44 points45 points  (0 children)

This is an awesome post. People who follow TRP aren't heartless, cold men who look down on betas. Most of us are men like the OP, who would be happy to show you the way. You're a fine man, OP.

[–]ghee99 17 points18 points  (3 children)

although, be careful if you're a young guy being TOO friendly at the gym

I know when I first started going to a real gym (in my case it was "Crunch" in NYC) the guys were super friendly, "thats nice" i thought.

Leter on, when I was done working out, I went to take a shower and I saw one dude fucking some other dude IN THE ASS in the last shower stall

I got the hell out of there FAST (skipped the showering totally) and then I was like "ohhhh, i get it now"

Later on, I learned to avoid certain "Crunch" gyms, and avoided going there at certain times (it was a 24 hour gym, and I made a point to NEVER go there after 10pm, for example).

Not that I mind some other dude being gay (its gross to me, personally... but everyone has the right to love who they want). I just don't want to see buttsex or manOnman blow jobs (another gross thing I accidentally walked into there) while I'm trying to work out.

And creepy gay dudes can be super friendly at the gym, when really they just want to get on your dick (so be careful with the over-friendliness!)

[–]Officer_Dick_Johnson 3 points4 points  (1 child)

You know a dudes gay when he offers to spot you without you asking him first.

[–]ghee99 3 points4 points  (0 children)



or when he offers to "show you proper form" without being asked.

[–]RPSigmaStigma 49 points50 points  (2 children)

This was exactly me 2 years ago. So many guys need to hear this. Thanks OP.

[–]tedcase 12 points13 points  (0 children)

This sounds like the internal monologue of a gay predator.

[–]dart200 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I got the impression you have had your natural joy and self confidence hammered out of you by endless "socialization".

When our gaze happened to meet, you quickly averted your eyes and looked downward

man, ain't that the fucking truth.

[–]TunedtoPerfection 30 points31 points  (6 children)

The sloppy hair thing is definitely the "hot" thing. It took me about 4 years to finally get it right so I don't look like Goku just getting out of bed. But when you do chicks dig it a lot.

[–]Sophisticated_Sloth 11 points12 points  (5 children)

Not a native english speaker. Can you elaborate on "the sloppy hair thing"? What does it look like?

[–]richardguy 11 points12 points  (3 children)

Messy, but in a cute fashion. The opposite of a high n' tight or any sort of "discipline" cut, like a buzz or crew cut.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Sort of like that bed head look?

[–]richardguy 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Yes. That would be one of them.

Frankly I just roll out with an undercut or a comb over. I don't see the point in messy hair styles. They work great for some dudes, but a lot of dudes can't pull that sort of look, or long hair.

[–]KumonRoguing 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Some of us have curly hair. Don't cut it short and try to have a straight hair style. Put some mousse in and tussle that shit. Chicks dig it.

[–]TheRedStoic 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Google "ideal messy hair for men".

Those pictures describe it. Sloppy but you put time into getting the right sloppy.

Not my thing personally but I have naturally godlike hair. So. Whatever.

[–][deleted] 32 points33 points  (3 children)

I was that guy about 17 years ago. Down to the round glasses. Effeminate skinny pale beta nerd with stupid hair.

I was working out regularly right from the start and looking back I think the guys noticed it and respected me after a few weeks. I still didn't talk to them and felt anxious around them.

Then after a few months I started using free weights.

I did bench presses with ridiculously small weights.

Struggled with the last reps.

And suddenly without asking him for help an alpha guy who I had always seen doing extreme workouts comes over and spots me through the last two reps.

I was really surprised because it meant that he had actually noticed not only me but watched me doing my set, too.

I wanted to give a "thank you that's awesome really nice of you thank you helped me a lot really great..."-speech.

But before I could do that he just nodded like "no problem, well done" went back to his workout. I just nodded in return.

And I was like "oh...that's how it works when you are around guys."

After that I talked to a lot of the guys over time. Even with guys who sould have probably bullied me if they had met me on the streets.

It changed a lot in my life. Doesn't sound spectacular...but I can remember it clearly after 17 so I think it really had an impact.

[–]Ganaria_Gente 5 points6 points  (1 child)

very inspirational post....mind if i ask your age now?

[–]logicalthinker1 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Dude, just go get his number and fuck him. At least take him out for coffee and make out

[–][deleted] 27 points28 points  (1 child)

This reads like a missed connections ad on Craigslist.

[–]TheBeardedMarxist 31 points32 points  (0 children)

You should have just manned up and went and talked to him. It's obvious you want to fuck him. Just go for it next time. The worst he can say is no. Either way it will give you cold open experience.

[–]stevehokie 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This could either be legitimate support from a bro - or the prelude to a horrific rape / serial killing.

If its the former - I can appreciate the sentiment.

[–]Dustin_Bromain 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Beautifully written. Always commend other men on their efforts; no matter how small.

[–]s--sfs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Seriously. Theres some real kindness in those words.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (1 child)

A little melodramatic, but I like what you're saying. No one deserves to feel pushed out or awkward in the gym when they're only trying to better themselves.

[–]OneLifeSucks 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Whenever a new guy enters my gym and makes eye contact with me I normally challenge them to a Pokemon battle.

[–]readmymind5 15 points16 points  (0 children)

seems like you've paid an awful lot of attention to this kid. He probably saw you looked away and you never crossed his mind again. you on the other hand, wrote a creepy piece about him, analysed every piece of clothing he was wearing andhis face and jaw structure. You seem to be the one with the damaged confidence and insecurities.

[–]curunir 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Gee I thought I was reading a crosspost from Criagslist M4M "missed connections" for a minute, there.

[–]1Maverick1 19 points20 points  (0 children)

This belongs in a notebook. I think you were watching this "young man" a little too closely. LOL

[–]Nukgci 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Are you going to ask him out on a date?

[–]prodigy2throw 26 points27 points  (4 children)

A little twoXchromosomes-y but solid post. My first few weeks at the gym were terrifying but it paid off heavily. The best part for me was realizing that all the swole bros love to help and give advice and I always return the favour now that I'm the bro.

[–][deleted] 16 points16 points

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[–]oliver51293 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Doing 2X better than 2X. Lol

[–]Republic_of_Ash 9 points10 points  (0 children)

You are shamelessly in love with yourself apparently.

[–]LaRedPill 4 points5 points  (0 children)

First day I went to the gym some bros where there training, one of them teaching the other, his form was perfect, slow, unrelentess movements, security at every inch, no wobbling, no buffing, this guy was buffed but not excesively muscular.

I watched in awe as his perfect routine while trying to squat with the emtpy bar.

Now I go to another gym but I get as much looks as he did at the time, I now strive for the perfect movements he had, more than the size of my peer's biceps.

seeing someone do a perfect bench press, a perfect squat, a perfect press... is something else.

[–]CaptainShades 3 points4 points  (0 children)

As a teenager long ago, I joined a gym and remember being taunted and bullied by the veterans. It turned me off of public gyms ever since. I know now that it's time to go back and fix the dad bod. I don't care what anybody things.

[–]1clon3man 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This post added nothing to my life.

[–]HiGuysiamkewl 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Why does this come off like a love letter?

[–]ScumbagPotato 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When you eye them wistfully

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[–]curunir 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Is it true that all weight lifters are bi?

[–]kyllingefilet 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Next time, just ask him if you can suck his dick. Much simpler than whatever you're trying to accomplish here.

[–]Rly_Do_Not_Want 10 points11 points  (1 child)

stop judging others and focus on improving yourself you self-righteous pisspants idiot

[–]chances_are_ur_a_fag 2 points3 points  (0 children)

did you give him a reacharound in the locker room?

[–]FinallyRed 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If only it was acceptable to get that real with people. It's nice to have a place like trp at all but damn if a had a core group of a couple of you guys as my friends life would be a blast.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In what universe does being in a gym make you less pale?

[–]Mandeponium 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This was oddly homoerotic. But I 100% agree. I was there not too long ago.

[–]e_z_p_z_ 15 points16 points  (1 child)

To the old guy who was starring at me in the gym last night:

The gym is usually my sanctuary, but your constant menacing glance was making me extremely uncomfortable and difficult to focus on my form. It was very unnecessary when you swooped right up behind me to spot my squat. The comment you made about my "pale white skin" and "effeminate" appearance was equally off putting not only to myself but also to my friends.

I hope I do not see you there again, but if so, please do not continuously look me in the eye, nod, and keep introducing yourself as I will be happy to inform management

[–]PMme_your_success 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Seriously, creepy ass dude analysing the paleness of other people's skin instead of focusing on his own lifts.

[–]anonymousapple111 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You could've told that to him

[–]VdSteel 22 points23 points  (4 children)

Do you want me to give you this guys number so you can make out with him?

[–]Mckallidon 11 points12 points  (3 children)

Funny, you're implying that you already have it and know he'd be game.

[–]Domida 18 points19 points  (4 children)

This is the creepiest shit I've seen in a while. WTF?

[–]Mckallidon 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Someone had an incident at the park when they were a child.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm a former big dude who's been out of the gym for a few years cus of injuries. Couldn't help but feel a little anxious about being an average size guy in the gym now. I needed this reminder that we're all in it together. Thanks

Also, I'm getting a haircut tomorrow..

[–][deleted] 2 points2 points

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[–]MOCKxTHExCROSS 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Check out 5x5 stronglifts if you're more into powerlifting, or PPL (search reddit) if you're more into bodybuilding.

[–]microwave44 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a 9gag tier post

"To the guy that posted X here's Y"

Dude wtf is this kanker, putting others down to feel more alpha

[–][deleted] 7 points7 points

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[–]1Soarinc 2 points3 points  (15 children)

They would totally get with a tall white boy like you, if you have just a bit of game and confidence.

I thought that the gym is one of the worst possible places to run game because the girls are 100% immune to it and are not looking for it there.

[–]1GroundhogLiberator 6 points7 points  (4 children)

I can't stand gym orbiters. They're constantly inflating the egos of girls in the weight room, but of course we're all used to that. I hate how much space they occupy.

A few weeks ago I was with my gym buddy. He was squatting in a cage and I was doing deadlifts in the floor space behind him. A girl appeared to use the neighboring rack and proceeded to quarter squat with an empty bar. Within five minutes, there were seven guys in our corner of the gym. Two of them started ego deadlifting and dropped their weights and grunted as loud as possible. One was behind her in the rack trying to give her advice about her form. The other four each tried to engage in conversation between sets.

And that's not even counting however many guys were staring at her from across the gym.

[–]1Soarinc 3 points4 points  (3 children)

Hope you don't mind but I'm definitely stealing your "ego deadlifting" term, lol.

I think staring at hot women is the only benefit of going to a public gym rather than just owning a bench (which by the way you can get $1200 equipment for $75 if you drive to pick it up) seriously you have no idea that used gym equipment is literally the worst resale market for sellers. You'd have better luck selling Solyndra stock options than used exercise equipment. I also scored a pair of bowflex select-tech dumbbells for $50. I once got screwed however on a non-working cotton candy machine so craigslist is a double-edged sword, as are most private selling marketplaces (such as ebay, flea markets, and roadside watermelon vendors)

[–][deleted] 1 points1 points

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[–]1Soarinc 1 point2 points  (0 children)


This song makes me want to die in battle. Am I weird?

Of course you are, wtf would you ever say that??

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I've picked up gym girls before. Just talk to them like they're normal people and Jesus fucking christ don't give them form advice.

[–]Lordoffunk 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It is where Jerry Seinfeld picked up his wife.

[–]newmeforever 3 points4 points  (3 children)

I've gotten a few numbers at the gym.

[–]1Soarinc 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I believe you, but I've never seen it. How loud do you grunt when you are lifting near them?

[–]newmeforever 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Loud enough for them to give me their number.

[–]OuroborosPill 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Perhaps he meant meeting them outside the gym setting.

[–]FrgElder 2 points2 points [recovered]

It's actually not bad but it relies a lot more on being able to read IOI's. There are so many guys staring, "helping" with form, and trying to talk to them that unless they show interest first it's usually a losing proposition.

Differentiate yourself by paying no mind to them, doing your workout, and initiating a genuine conversation afterward if you can. You can make strong eye contact during but otherwise just go about your business unless they initiate. A lot of girls go to the gym specifically to get hit on, as you can tell by their attire. But they go there to get hit on by the right guy, not the ego-lifting gym orbiters.

[–]killxorxbexkilled 10 points11 points  (1 child)

This shit sounds real faggy, bro.

[–][deleted] 4 points4 points

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[–]GenghisKhanSpermShot 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Annnd this is why I don't come here much.

[–]Chaotic5555 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just found this sub and this is exactly the shit I needed to hear. Thanks

[–]Endorsed ContributorMentORPHEUS 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well written and inspirational. MENTORING younger men is something many quality men grow into.

It's not enough to bitch about the lack of positive role models for men in our society, here is a man who is DOING something about it. Keep up the good work, Sir.

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