Red Pill TheoryAttraction and Desire – What I learned from taking estrogen and living as a girl (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by throw17453

I’ve made a couple of posts already that are largely informed by my experience of gender transition.

This is a topic I have both wanted to write about, but also held off doing. It is recent enough that I can still know and relate to it, but have also changed enough that I am detached. In short, a good balance to discuss it accurately.

Before I start I’ll be disclosing about an assumption I hold with this:

My interpretation is that my sexuality, attraction, and desires became close enough to girls generally, that to describe them could be useful to people here.


After starting estrogen, and beginning to take steps towards living as a girl, my sexuality altered. This happened gradually, but consistently.

In the earlier stages, where a lot was new to me, I spent a lot of time trying to understand and make sense of things that were changing at an emotional level, I was becoming more submissive in my thoughts and feelings, desires. Submissiveness, or to use a less loaded term, receptiveness, became core to my sexuality, feelings and attractions.


What is it like to slip into a sexual / submissive mindset?

It is like your rationality slides away, on a neurological level there is a flooding that takes place. What exactly changes I am unsure, but on some level it is overwhelming, intoxicating. Senses heighten, breathing quickens. I would have a visceral feeling of being incredibly vulnerable and open, the usual defences (intellect, humour, conversational control) those take place at a level of rationality that has faded into the background.

As an aside, one phenomenon you will know as a girl giving you “the eyes”. This is something I have done to guys, and I once consciously brought myself into that mindset in front of a mirror, to try to assess what it looks like.

My eyes would widen, lips slightly apart, head tilted downwards slightly to be able to look up at someone. I’d feel smaller, might bring my arms close to me, my body would freeze, and I’d have a strong desire for someone to touch, hold, control or direct me.

Now, some takeaways from this.

  1. Desire takes place at an emotional level. Internalise this. You want to bring a girl into an emotional state where her mind shuts down, slips away, and feelings are what is left. This is where her desire lies. Intellect and rationality actually just overcomplicate something quite simple. Most women, on a biological level, want to submit to men.
  2. For a girl, being in this state may make her feel incredibly vulnerable, especially If she is submissive and open with it – Shit tests, comfort tests etc. They are a protective mechanism to answer a simple question. Is he man enough for me to submit to, and is it safe for me to do so?


A note on some of the darker aspects to submissive sexuality.

You can easily be attracted to things that, if experienced, would be damaging to the self. I won’t elaborate on this point, but to paint a brief picture. Guys who are dangerous, or violent. Display psychopathic or dark triad tendencies. The “R” word. Abusive behavior, emotional manipulation.

All of this, on some level, can cause attraction, and for many girls, their fantasies or desires will contain tinges of it. This does not mean they actually want it explicitly, but that those kind of desires can be beneath the surface.

Girls may hamster this away as “I like a guy who shows passion”. That is true, but that particular rabbit hole can go much deeper.


I was lucky in many ways, due to transitioning I wasn’t exposed to the kind of attention and sexual advances that girls get from a young age. I was inexperienced, but intelligent enough to be selective with who I looked for. I essentially came up with a checklist of traits I knew I desired in a guy. I’ll list them and explain way.

Tall – For many reasons, but I was also tall for a girl, and tended to notice that guys who would find me the most attractive would be tall themselves. My suspicion is that to some tall guys, height in a girl can be an accentuating feature.

Masculine – I wanted a guy who was capable of protecting me, strong. That I could feel both safe and feminine with.

Intelligent – Being submissive towards someone puts you into a frame of mind where you place them above you, look up to them, think of them as superior. This is a curious one because I actually consider myself equal to anyone I meet, but for some strange emotional / sexual reason this is very much not the case when I was in the right frame of mind with a guy. So intelligent I looked for, because to feel this way truly with a guy felt natural when he was of similar intelligence.

Dominant – This one doesn’t need explaining. I wanted to be submissive with someone who desired and could bring that out in me.

Experienced – I was inexperienced, and wanted a guy who knew what he wanted and desired. Was comfortable and experienced with women and could project that.


Now I have emphasised that feminine attraction is emotional. As a result it is also volatile, I remember having this epiphany. I was laying in bed, clutching my phone and thinking about a guy, wondering if he was still attracted to me, and feeling insecure. Probably one of my most masculine moments.

I realised that I was projecting my own volatility of attraction onto him. I had in the past, felt the experience of being very attracted to a guy, and then suddenly a day – or hell even an hour later – being unsure or unattracted, and so was projecting this to him. After realizing I was doing this, I could think rationally “My appearance hasn’t changed, I haven’t done or said anything that would cause him to lose attraction, therefore he hasn’t” And he hadn’t and I was being idiotic, letting my emotions and insecurities run away with me. I have had a number of epiphany moments like that during this process.

Another situation this happened I was in a bed with a guy, crying whilst he had his arm around me. I was feeling embarrassed that I was crying, but couldn’t not. It wasn’t that I was sad or regretful – we knew each other well and I liked him - but I was inexperienced and we’d been intimate and so was feeling overwhelmed. I was apologising for being emotional, but was struck that he really didn’t seem to be phased by it. This was interesting enough to snap me out of it a little, and I asked if this happens a lot with girls. He laughed and said sometimes. Thinking that guys have to deal with this with girls commonly, and to a point where they just are unphased by it, somehow made the whole thing seem absurd to me, and I came out of it.

Controlling emotional states is since something I have gotten quite good at, meditation helps a ton, so does not having estrogen in your blood stream, but at the time it was a new experience for me, to snap out of an emotional reality in that way, and understand how // why.


Another aspect to attraction and sexuality is – for girls who look for healthy relationships at least – attachment.

Oxytocin, the bonding hormone, becomes far more involved in sexuality and attraction. Wanting to give yourself to someone, open up to them, connect with. The two sides of the attraction coin, desiring someone who can be rough, dominant, lead and command. Yet also care for, protect, own.

Someone who can make your mind to swim with the briefest sexual suggestion, but also flood at the thought of him holding you. My own view, at least of my sexuality and desires back then, is that this form of connection, with a man who is masculine and projects that, and just by his presence, attitude, brings out femininity, submissiveness and affection in you. That is where a healthy dynamic lies. (whether it is healthy for someone born male to be in that dynamic is another question, my view now is no, but fuck it – it is an experience I have had, right or wrong)

Fortunately I did find a guy like that. Ticked all my boxes, and some I never knew I had. 6’2”, older, dominant, successful, masculine, muscular, intelligent. Just getting to know him has taught me more about what it is to be a complete, together man, and the nature of what female // male attraction comes down to. He was attracted to trans girls as well as girls. One thing I learnt was that if I knew a guy was attracted to trans girls, I knew he would be attracted to me. I was interested in guys who desired me that way. Not because they were drunk and wanted to fuck around, or because they had spun the porn wheel of roulette a few too many times and landed on “tranny”. Was interested in the kind of guy who was masculine, confident, attracted to trans girls and completely fine with it. Whether that attraction was heterosexual, bi, or whatever didn’t bother me. I just wanted him to be comfortable with his sexuality, masculine and desire me for my femininity.


Lastly some random thoughts

  1. Sexuality, desire, attraction – A large part of this takes place at a biological level. Hormones factor significantly.

  2. Seducing and attracting women is – or can be – quite a simple process. Be strong, independent, project masculinity, play with her emotions, slip her into submissiveness, realise that she will become like an emotional child when attracted. Girls will put barriers in the way, their intellect will kick in “Don’t sleep with him on a first date” “Make sure you can trust him”. They will want to talk as equals, get to know you, understand you. Don’t do this, or if you do let it happen very slowly, over time, let her unravel the masculine mystery that is you, and have thoughts like “I feel so strongly about him, but I don’t even know him…..”

  3. A Dynamic of being equal, discussing intellectually or openly, is not conducive to a masculine // feminine dynamic of desiring and connecting. Some girls may be able to navigate both realms, but to make it easy, it is best to stick to the latter. Keep your actual thoughts, intellect and frank discussion to guys and friends.

  4. Keep her at arm’s length… she will be constantly wanting to bring herself closer to you, provoking your thoughts, trying to understand you, wanting to get a sense for where she stands with you. A girl wondering all of that is far more manageable, and will show desire for you more freely, than if she does know you and your mind. Now for good quality girls, if you never share parts of yourself, let her feel connected and that she understands you on some level this will be a red flag to her. I explicitly looked for guys that I could connect with and understand, but also knew enough to realise I felt attraction more strongly the more mystery there was. Balancing that can be hard, and frankly only worth doing for LTR material.

  5. Never show weakness to a girl, ever. Opening up about something that is troubling you, whatever it is. Girls will never admit this. I myself actually thought I wanted guys to open up to me if things were troubling them. Do not fall for this trick, at most you gain nothing from it, at worst it will kill her attraction and she’ll reassess you.

  6. Mixing dominance with affection creates a mental cocktail that is an incredibly strong drug to a girl. Learn to balance this and you can bring her to points where she will want to say “I love you” just from what you are causing her to feel.

  7. Don’t take estrogen – it will change you significantly, and undoing the process and returning to masculinity will be, mentally, extremely difficult. Probably not a piece of advice any of you will need, but worth mentioning!

With any luck there will be some things in here useful or of interest.

[–]H42 188 points189 points  (5 children)

OP should post this over in 2x. If it survives more than 20 min, the comments would be interestimg. Hamsterville would likely not know what to say about it.

[–]SMGPthrowaway 55 points56 points  (3 children)

It'd be interesting but I can bet it'll get removed.

[–]fuxdpus 19 points20 points  (2 children)

Wouldn't removing the post be transphobic, though? I'm sure that 2x wouldn't to be homophobic or transphobic.

[–]spurdosparade 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Wouldn't removing the post be transphobic

They, the SJW, determine what is transphobic and what is not.

[–]Kwantuum 5 points6 points  (0 children)

but he actually doesn't have 2x chromosomes.

[–]LordThunderbolt 85 points86 points  (15 children)

Behind Enemy Lines 2, starring OP. Coming to a theater near you.

Thanks for taking one for the team and infiltrating their ranks to bring back all this information. The real MVP here is you.

I have some questions for you though:

What was the breaking point for you to realize that it wasn't you and that you should get off the meds?

While you were behind enemy lines, did you meet other operators that were also behind lines but wanted to come back home? Or who were at least very unsure about the whole thing?

It's also of my understanding that you were getting g plowed by dudes, correct? How easy was it for you to get laid? How often were you getting attention from dudes? Where's getting laid by a bunch of dudes on the DL?

What were the triggers that put you in submissive mode?

What were some instances when you were out in a public and a guy did something that made you want him to literally grab you and smash right there?

[–]throw17453 23 points23 points [recovered]

What was the breaking point for you to realize that it wasn't you and that you should get off the meds?

The breaking point was a slow build up. I've described it briefly in the first post I made here, but essentially I came to realise that before I started transition I had some pretty severe symptoms of mental illness - anxiety, depression, bulimia, suicidal thoughts, isolation, low self esteem etc.

Transitioning actually helped get over basically all of that, but once that was swept away I, over time, came to gradually realise that it was a mistake. And basically had a heavy dose of reality check.

It's also of my understanding that you were getting g plowed by dudes, correct? How easy was it for you to get laid? How often were you getting attention from dudes? Where's getting laid by a bunch of dudes on the DL?

I was with two guys during this. Attention I got quite often, in terms of IOI's. Getting laid, if it was what i was looking for, would have been easy. Finding a guy interested in me for more than sex was harder. Guys into trans girls are already a minority, and i was really selective.

What were the triggers that put you in submissive mode?

When a guy would say "good girl" to me, this would have a strong effect. A guy who made it clear he desired me could also do it, just the sensation of feeling desired was potent. Touch would - for some reason just the feel of a guys hands on me would have a very strong effect.

[–]Kwantuum 15 points16 points  (1 child)

When a guy would say "good girl" to me, this would have a strong effect

Don't you think that this could be almost entirely attributable to the fact that as a trans you were trying to pass as a girl and that this comment would validate your effort in transitioning?

[–]Krelious 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Would you say your current sexuality is gay? What was it like mentally when you stopped taking estrogen and allowed Testosterone to come back? Are you medically being supervised by an endocrinologist who is watching your male hormones come back?

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

TIL I would be in a different place if I found tumblr instead of TRP at my lowest point. I had anxiety, severely asocial, extreme low self esteem, no drive and victim mentality. I was thinking about why women had it that easy while I had to work my ass of as a man to be a valuable person and unconciously started to accept submissiveness associated with lazyness. If I hadn't found TRP which thaught me controlling my life I would've probably gone in a full blown mental illness and accept my lazyness induced lack of drive as femininity.

[–]readgrid 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Do you by any chance have written about your detransition story (like blog or detailed post)?

[–]throw17453 3 points3 points [recovered]

I haven't in detail. I'm still going through it really, I am living as a guy and gradually moving back to being congruent as a man, but still look a lot like a girl, and my hormones are not yet returned normally.

I might write on it when things are clearer.

If you want a TL;DR of what I did.

Have a break down -> psychoanalysed myself, took a couple of months, there was a lot i was dealing with -> started lifting at the gym -> meditate -> work on developing discipline.

The reality with this is that 99% of it is mentality - i was fucked up, severly, this process and then going back on it has at points been the most agonising psychological experience I've had in my life - but once u break through that barrier, get over past shit, things become a lot simpler and clearer.

You only live once, and the mind is more powerful than people realise, envision where you want to be in 10 years and then go out and make it happen.

[–]readgrid 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I get that you didnt like the mental changes from HRT. Other than that, was the main reason social (like not fitting/not wanting to live as a female in female role) or more "physiological" - rejecting your female body and feeling dysphoric about the occurring changes? Could you see yourself not socially transitioning while still having fem looks?

I can relate to many of the things you say more than I'd like to post on reddit and your experience is uncommon from what I typically read on tg sites. Sharing it could help people who are confused and undecided about getting on HRT (which has been the tendency later to just put everyone who wants on it regardless if they are trans or not). Thank you.

[–]LordThunderbolt 0 points1 point  (2 children)

For the submissive thing, youre talking about in intimate situations. I mean, in general. Like, in public or in a non sensual setting. What was something that made you feel submissive?

[–]kittythecat77 17 points18 points  (1 child)

Situations that make me feel submissive: when a guy makes decisions without asking me (where we're going to have dinner, suggesting a certain meal or drink and ordering it for me in a moment's notice, etc.), staring down at me (makes me feel like a shy and vulnerable puppy), ignoring me a lot (like I 'm not the only thing in his world and I have to accept that). So when in public, if he shows the slightest interest, asks me something or touches me, it's like a magical moment for me, because it doesn't happen often and it really has a powerful effect.. It can make me forget all the times he ignored me previously... Also, very important, the tone of his voice, calm, deep and steady like he always knows what he is talking about - imagine commanding a dog, no matter how much or how loud it barks, you are still the boss, you always know better than the dog. I am like a dog in such a strong presence but I am for sure a happy dog. Those things, especially the first I mentioned about decisions, make me feel powerless and sweep me off my feet, even though I resent myself for feeling like such a baby sometimes I can't help it. Hope I enlightened you a little bit.

[–]LordThunderbolt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You did. Thanks dude. You deserve a medal of honor.

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 64 points65 points  (51 children)

I am a firm believer in nature over nurture, yet I have difficulties to believe that all those differences between men and women come from the current concentration of ONE hormone in one's body, rather than the lengthy and pervasive influence of several types of hormones on the long term and particularly at the important development stages of life that are brain development during pregnancy and puberty.

Or put more concisely: you make a convincing account but I need more proof. Any endocrinologist here with scientific material to back up OP's personal experience?

[–][deleted] 30 points31 points  (8 children)

As someone who's been injecting testosterone for the last 6 months... It has made me a different and much stronger man. My voice is deeper, my facial hair is less spotty, my choice in clothing is more masculine, I take less shit from others, I can detach from my emotions better, but I can intensely release them when I so choose. I feel as though I own myself and my actions. There are a thousand subtle changes that have taken place physically and mentally. Women can smell it on me.

Trust me. Sure, it isn't just one hormone. You have to monitor your blood levels to make sure you don't throw the others off balance... But keep estro low and test high and trp comes much more naturally for the most part. At least it's much easier to impliment and takes far less conscious thought.

Test is the primary male sex hormone and estro is the primary female hormone. They are incredibly powerful.

[–]Orbiter42 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Women can smell it on me.

i've noticed this. can you expand on this? i've got some personal observations, i'm curious if you have similar, or can offer something i haven't noticed.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I think not only can they literally smell the hormonal pheromone balance, but there are thousands of physical cues that our brains are designed to pick up on. You can't fake all of them. We just aren't smart enough creatures to do that without intense self brainwashing to get our physiology to adapt, but if you change the hormone balance then most of the rest comes naturally, especially if you dismantle the beta behaviors that are trained into you.

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Good on you. I didn't doubt a second that hormones are powerful. If you read my post again, my point was only doubting that injection of estrogen right now would suddenly turn a man into a solipsistic, feelz-before-realz, hypergamic, AF-BB, manipulative man.

By the way, why the test injection?

[–]nevercomment 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Did you try implementing TRP lessons before and after testosterone injections, if so what differences did you notice?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

At least a year before. They stick better. It's less to do with mental gymnastics and head knowledge now and more physical.

[–]throw17453 33 points33 points [recovered]

I am a firm believer in nature over nurture, yet I have difficulties to believe that all those differences between men and women come from the current concentration of ONE hormone in one's body

One hormone is an oversimplification. But having little to no testosterone, and female estrogen levels, causes wider hormonal changes in the body and mind.

particularly at the important development stages of life that are brain development during pregnancy and puberty.

There's a lot of studies that suggest this is significant in development. My 4d2d ratio is in the very feminine range, which is supposed to indicate hormonal exposure on the brain during development.


My view now is that even if I had some characteristics that might predispose me to a feminine mindset. Socialisation factors significantly.

I am certain if I had different experiences socialising, and been pushed towards masculinity, I would never have come to question my gender identity, and developed normally into a guy.

Nature and nurture are both quite significant, and either one can have a strong effect. However if you structure society to align nurture with nature (raise boys to be masculine, girls to be feminine) people would be far better off. You will get some outliers, but everyone falls on a bellcurve.

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 8 points9 points  (7 children)

Interesting, thanks.

So in your case, you combine possible hormonal exposure during brain development, a more feminine hormonal balance overall, taking hormones during your gender switch and finally social gender experience and expectations (would have you very well passed for a "normal girl" during your gender switch?).

So in the end, way more than just a current hormone level.

unrelated but curious: Did your parents or social environment push you towards feminity?

[–]rougecrayon 0 points1 point  (6 children)

Regarding the ops answer... Ya ovaries produce testosterone so saying he has little to none proves he does not share the same hormones as women.

[–]throw17453 3 points3 points [recovered]

The adrenal glands produce testosterone too. My hormones also didnt cycle in the same way girls do, which is another difference.

[–]rougecrayon 1 point2 points  (4 children)

So you agree with me. Why is your language then "women" instead of I when there is already that one huge thing that makes you completely different (among others).

Please let me know if I read it improperly but you speak as if "now that I have felt like they have let me explain to you what women are..."

And if I did read it improperly so did Kant of the commenters.

[–]throw17453 7 points7 points [recovered]

My view is that there are alot of aspects to my experience that will be true of women generally.

Strictly speaking I was not a woman, there are significant differences, but at the same time significant similarities.

Where exactly the balance of that lies. How "genuine" or aligned with women generally, is frankly something that will depend on peoples perspectives. The scientific consensus is out on this topic, but as I've said, my view is that in some ways I became very woman-like in my feelings, attractions and behaviors.

I'll also add another point. You do not need to be a woman in order to have accurate insight into their mentality.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I am certain if I had different experiences socialising, and been pushed towards masculinity, I would never have come to question my gender identity, and developed normally into a guy.

This is an interesting point. As you say, the old nature/nurture wars are really over, and we know that both play a part and interact. It isn't 50:50, but there is generally an interplay. Our culture now tends to punish men for, or inhibit men from, displaying masculine attitudes and behaviour. At the same time, it rewards women for thinking along masculine lines (career, being sexually aggressive and promiscuous, and so on), while degrading women for being feminine (being an SAHM is seen as being a traitor to the sisterhood, and if she is submissive he must be abusing her). So, this relatively new phenomenon of trannies being a 'thing' rather than a very rare occurrence may be in part due to this.

It also, of course, supports feminist ideology. Since feminists are women who really want to be men, they always talk about 'gender' rather than 'sex', because they want to believe that 'gender is a social construct' and therefore they can be men if they want to be, when of course they are not. It also supports the victimhood agenda to get ever more privileges, since it becomes increasingly difficult to accept that the most privileged class in society is also 'oppressed', hence bringing first homosexuals, and then trannies, under their umbrella.

From your experience, what would you say would be the best approach for society and the medical profession to take to someone who believes they are born the wrong sex? What would have actually helped you at the start? From what you say here, oestrogen, and especially surgery, would be a mistake, yes? In contradiction to 'do no harm'. Milo recently compared people confused about their gender to anorexics, who also have a confused and unrealistic attitude to their bodies, but we would not dream of telling them that 'it is a choice'.

Also, thank you for these writeups, they have been very interesting and thought-provoking.

[–][deleted] 41 points42 points  (3 children)

Pharmacist who spends a bunch of time reading endo (my own hormones aren't exactly great). Estrogens are that important. Not surprised one single second when reading OPs experience. What claims require scientific material?

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 32 points33 points  (1 child)

Thank you.

What claims require scientific material?

Any emotionally-charged topic where people are invested in their opinion is prone to bending the truth to fit prejudices. The red pill is such topic so I like to keep my doubts alive until I get more evidence. But my call for scientific work doesn't mean I am rejecting OP's argument outright. A good number of additional personal anecdotes such as yours and links to relevant material online would be enough for me to move from "neutral doubt" to "a priori acceptance until contradicting evidence is provided".

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

As you correctly noticed other hormones and neurotransmitters are related to the traits OP talked about. That being said, hormone replacement therapy is very straightforward. It isn't very much more complicated than acting on testosterone and controlling its aromatization into estradiol for men, and controlling progesterone+estrogens for women. From sex steroids, an incredible number of correlations have been found between hormones/thyroid/pituitary/brain activities. Which is normal considering the central role of the HPTA and the production of sex hormones +their feedbacks.

So what is in essence very complex in the body pretty much always ends with monitoring the most basic hormones. Then my point of view is that the negative feedbacks associated with their presence, and all the mechanisms that would ensue in the brain are very hard to control. I highly value endocrinology. Exogenous hormones work. It's too bad psychiatry/psychology generally don't pay attention to these protocols instead of focusing on the brain; anti depressants or stimulants, well... I don't like them.

[–]marplaneit 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Med student. In rats there are neurons in the pre-optical nucleus with strogenic receptors that induce sexual receptiveness in females.

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Cheers. Are these receptors there in male brains too? or do they develop under the influence of female hormones during early life?

[–]marplaneit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I couldn't find any research that shows that there are test receptors in the brain (test doesn't pass hemato-encefalic barrier) but the only place where they could be is in hypothalamus. There are studies in male birds that shows that test production increase in aggressive and hard environment and decrease if they have to take care of offspring.

[–]_Ninja_Wizard_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey, man. Put ONE drug in your body and things can change rapidly. i.e. heroin

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (17 children)

Have you ever taken steroids or an estrogen suppressant? I have lowered my estrogen to null before and my mental state was changed massively in just several days of having NO estrogen (weird shit like wanting to cry in self pity over every little thing, feeling like you are trapped in a body and thinking everyone is out to get you. 1 hormone makes a huge difference.

[–]RedPharaohRising 1 point2 points  (2 children)


(weird shit like wanting to cry in self pity over every little thing, feeling like you are trapped in a body and thinking everyone is out to get you.

Dude, this has been me for around a YEAR now. Is what you've described the effect of too MUCH estrogen or too little estrogen?
Is what I have been going through more hormone-related or socialization/experience related?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In my case it's from having basically 0 estrogen. Go to a doctor and get some blood work done. Hormones are kind of like goldilocks as far as mood goes.

[–]xBonerDetective 1 point2 points  (1 child)


What is this?

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 0 points1 point  (9 children)

How do you reduce your estrogen? supplement?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Prescription drugs for women with breast cancer. Google "aromatase inhibitors"

[–][deleted] 1 points1 points

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[–]bigmfkr 1 point2 points  (6 children)

Yes there is. I did that before hopping on the train. My body overproduces estrogen naturally, and that's quite common in modern men.

[–][deleted] 1 points1 points

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[–]bigmfkr 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Yup, helped immensely. Aromasin + tamoxifen raised my total test from low 300s to 800-900 levels, while keeping E2 in check.

As you rightfully said, the ratio is key, if it's below 20 (or 200 if using same units), and if LH is low, then antiestrogens are definitely needed.



[–][deleted] 1 points1 points

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[–]bigmfkr 1 point2 points  (2 children)


Free testosterone concentrations were increased by 117 ± 74% (P = 0.0001) and 154 ± 95% (P < 0.0001) at both doses, due to the decrease in SHBG and the increase in total testosterone.

[–][deleted] 1 points1 points

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[–]Livecrazyjoe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you were taking Nolvadex that could have been your issue. Remember it occupies the estrogen receptor. Although you won't grow bitch tits it will make you feel emotional. It does have estrogen like side effects.

I was the same way. Just started crying for no reason. Lowering the dose helps.

[–]Zacher8 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don't doubt that op's account is genuine and accurate. At the same time, it could still be just a glimpse of what it is like for cis women who developed in the constant presence of these hormones, during those developmental stages and transitions. I do think there is also a lot of room for individuality to factor in and we should not expect this one account to be universal. Nevertheless, it is an interesting account. Thanks OP for sharing it.

[–]human_bean_ 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Not just hormone concentrations, but also the bodys affinity to them. I would imagine transgender people have very distorted hormone affinities.

Just like some guys lose their hair and some don't. It's not that they have more testosterone. It's just that their hair follicles are more vulnerable to it.

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I'm not aware of the concept of body's affinity to hormone concentrations. Are they random? Do they develop differently in men and women under the influence of hormone concentration at early life stage or later growth? Something else?

[–]marplaneit -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Lol what the fuck. It is about the amount of testosterone and the ratio of it that convert to di-hidrotest by the alpha-5-reductase. Stop spreading bullshit.

[–]human_bean_ 7 points8 points  (0 children)


It's called male pattern baldness for a reason. Yes. You are correct that DHT is the main ingredient triggering the follicle reaction, but without the vulnerability to DHT and without enough testosterone being converted to DHT, male pattern baldness wouldn't exist.

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (16 children)

Does the title imply you don't take estrogen anymore and are living as a guy now?

I presume boobs don't disappear when you stop taking it.

Some good insights but can't wrap my head around this.

[–]throw17453 19 points19 points [recovered]

You're right. And they don't disappear, but I was fortunate and had very little growth.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (13 children)

Do you inject T now?

I guess if you become swole enough it won't be noticable anyway. Lots of bodybuilders have steroid related moobs.

Good luck, stopping for whatever reason likely saved you from suicide. The wall seems brutal for those that didn't transition extremely early. Most older ladyboys in Thailand working at restaurants etc. seemed bitter as fuck.

[–]throw17453 14 points14 points [recovered]

Letting it come back naturally, so not injecting. I think I would have been wall resilient - I passed as a girl, and also look a lot younger than my age. But you are right on the suicide aspect, I'm chill about it now, can even find it funny. But that has been a journey and taken time, there's been moments in which this whole process was anguish.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I passed as a girl, and also look a lot younger than my age

I guess I would've done so a couple years ago as well, except I was always high T in terms of sex drive and dominance and could never relate to women at all.

Growing some facial hair was what eventually turned the sexual interest of girls from zero to very high, which is something I'd advise you to do as well if you physically can.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (10 children)

Take test. You won't regret it, ur life, purpose, goals; everything will align.

[–]Crailberry 2 points3 points  (2 children)

How do bring yourself to inject test all the time? I've done 2 separate injections before at 125mg each, a lower dose. Was shooting for 250mg/week. It felt really good, my motivation was through the fucking roof. And I want to be on it so bad. But I said fuck that, I don't want to be dependent on something. What if I my source goes away and I have to come off the test without any PCT's? Then you're fucked

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

You have to weigh up the pros and cons. Nothing wrong with having the dependency outweigh the benefits. I'm pretty healthy so even if I was "cutt off" or something my natural test would be back in a few weeks even without pct. It's pretty scary because everyone reacts differently. I just run a cycle once a year, if my test was naturally low I would be on it for life.

You have guys like my dad though who's balls clock out at 50 and don't really have a choice but to hop on for life because the alternative would be horrible.

[–]Crailberry 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So one cycle per year? Does your jaw stay squared up all the time with just one cycle a year? Do you keep your muscle mass? Your thicker facial hair? Or does it just all fade away after you get off the test?

[–]Kies_1 -1 points0 points  (4 children)

What do you mean by 'test' ?

Testosterone? Test your facial hair growing abilities? Test hormone injections?

[–]JornSellew 2 points2 points [recovered]

Yep testosterone. sad that this post gets downvoted. Thought that downvoting was meant for bad/blue ideas, not for not knowing something. There's so many abbreviations.

[–]Kies_1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, you know, sometimes people are little pansies and they don't want to acknowledge it so they call other people names.

[–]Blerks 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Very interesting read, thank you for posting. It's fascinating (and sometimes worrying) to think of how much the way we think depends on our brain chemistry.

[–][deleted] 30 points31 points  (4 children)

Not gonna lie, pretty proud of the trp community for not immediately crucifying OP for openly admitting hes transgender like so many "alphas" here like to do. And good on OP for making this post as well

[–]DrHolz 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Come on man, not everyone in the trp community has a high school bully mentality.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

no of course not, but the ones that are are pretty loud about it

[–]ReneFroger 56 points57 points  (11 children)

I'm used to be somewhat misogynist, always wondering why women don't appreciate Blue Pill guys who are nice towards them, offering all she wants. Even with all that nice gestures, the BP guys still get a shit threatment.

But based on your posts, now I see it from the other side where even a man behaves in the same way. Thanks for sharing your excellent post, it's really appreciated and useful in the process of understanding women's nature.

Women can't even understand themselfes. To manage the women, don't take them serious. Like they are children. Then they will feel the thought: "He knows how he manages me, so he will eventually lead me.".

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (5 children)

I'm genuinely just curious: What evidence do you have about women biologically thinking like children? I see this a lot on here and am curious as to what the evidence is if anyone has a source to that. It's interesting.

[–]Redwolf915 0 points1 point  (4 children)

It's less "acting like a child" and more.. doing arbitrary things for no logical reason and playing mind games to "test" you. Of course not all women do this shit. The unicorn that perfectly complements a man exists, but boy is she rare. And probably over 40.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

If you really think it's that rare you may be looking at it pretty narrowly. Some women do act this way, but then again, a lot of men act like children as well. I wouldn't say it applies only to females, just to people in general who do this.

[–]Redwolf915 0 points1 point  (2 children)

A woman that perfectly complements a man is indeed rare. Otherwise this world would be a bit easier to traverse.

A grown man that plays childish mind games and tries to test his wife's boundaries sounds like a beta male :P

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

There are lots of beta males out there then.

[–]mummersfarce_is_done 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You know what? I've read all of your posts and you seem to write like a woman. You might be aware of this. Your delicate, detailed descriptions (like in a romance novel), the way you illustrate points, your particular choice of words, the overall non-arguing tone...

Just thought I'd point that out.

[–]kouklamou92 3 points4 points  (3 children)

Honestly guys very little of this is true. Not entirely sure why I'm on this subreddit but I wanted to see what OP's experience was. Here's the deal: this is one individual's experience with a hormone and without the upbringing and socialisation of a woman. I even consider myself sexually pretty submissive and I still didn't find this to be true in large part. And I'm not trying to start shit or anything, but I hate to see guys buy into this messaging because I have to wonder how you can build healthy, fulfilling relationships with women based on this information.

NOT all women are submissive sexually, but for me (and friends of mine who are), the key here is TRUST. I am not able to get into "submissive mode," if you will, without feeling safe. This means being safe from him breaking my heart, safe from him hurting me, safe from him talking shit about me, safe from feeling judged, etc. I don't feel that trust, I don't feel submissive. Simple as that. The advice OP is giving you all is to be aloof. I might fuck a guy like that once or twice for fun but I'm sure as hell not gonna be his regular booty call, much less his girlfriend. And I'm not gonna try hard for him. What do I owe him? Nothing. If a guy won't show me who he is and can't explain himself when I KNOW something is wrong, I'm gone. I don't trust it, I don't appreciate it, and I won't tolerate it. Period.

And maybe part of it is that I have (repeatedly) been on the receiving end of sexual misconduct and emotional abuse, but guess what? A majority of women have been, too. Maybe there's some lucky enough to live in that fantasyland of not worrying about an abusive man, but most of the women in my life get a red flag and a nagging feeling when a man acts the way OP is saying you should. I run the other direction immediately. It's not a game. It's not a joke. I grew up hearing about how men will rape me, beat me, or murder me if I'm not careful.

So say what you will about our hamster minds and how we won't admit the truth and how you REALLY understand us and how pathetic we are. But now that I've found a man who treats me like an equal (and that includes criticizing the hell out of me when I don't live up to his expectations), I know that I was right all these years. Men who treated me like damaged goods, or a piece of ass, or an idiot, or an annoyance aren't worth my time and I don't give it to them anymore.

I'm just so so sorry that so many men believe this bullshit and get cheated out of decent, intelligent, self-respecting women because of their own delusional worldview. I don't hate men. In fact, I love men. I think men are struggling to redefine masculinity in a shifting age. I respect the hell out of the men in my life, and I try to help and uplift them. But I sure as hell demand that they respect and uplift me, too. I always wonder whether the negative experiences guys on this sub have had are because they go for a certain type of woman that fits who they think women are, and ends up reinforcing their stereotypes. Maybe try going for a woman who respects herself AND others. We exist, I promise. Every woman I know is like that. Women don't fit a black and white profile of just women who love only themselves and women who prostrate themselves before men. We are complicated human beings. I think understanding that is the key to finding someone who loves herself AND you, who can uplift and support you while also supporting herself.

And before anyone gets it twisted: I'm against circumcision and think the family courts are fucked up. This is not a zero-sum game. We need to respect one another to get by in this world.

[–][deleted] 3 points3 points

[permanently deleted]

[–]kouklamou92 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have to admit I didn't read through your comments. And honestly, as someone who has had a lot of hookups: I get it. I'm not saying men should be open with every girl they're sleeping with. That would be exhausting and unnecessary and open yourself up to being hurt.

What I'm saying is, a lot of this messaging reaches readers in a very narrow form: be aloof -> get laid. I have personally encountered guys who were SO aloof that I actually declined to even sleep with them. I think we all need to emphasize that there is a difference between not getting emotionally involved/vulnerable with a hookup vs successful woman-getting techniques. I think for a lot of men there is no distinction there.

And perhaps it is because of my background (hearing horror stories and having bad experiences alike), but the level of aloof you seemed to be advocating for hookups wouldn't fly for me. If I am attracted to mystery, it's more like, wow this guy is smart, what else does he know? Or maybe, wow that tidbit of information he gave me about his life is really intriguing, what is his deal as a person? When there is NOTHING given, my thought is: "this guy is either a douche or a predator and either way I'm not gonna get naked for him."

And, no I don't really find it annoying that guys want to have sex with people they don't want relationships with. A lot of women feel the same, including me. What I do find annoying is the assumption (WITHOUT knowing them) that some girls are "just sluts" or that other women are "good quality." I have had sex with probably around 30 different guys. I'm sure some of the guys I hooked up with considered me to be just a slut, and other guys considered me girlfriend material. I put in as much as he does. So if he's acting like an aloof douche, I'll do the same. I wasn't gonna bust out my good qualities for a guy who was treating me like a piece of meat, even if I decided to use him for a night to get laid because I was bored. Being a "slut" isn't what makes a girl not girlfriend material. It's that you're incompatible or she's a shitty person in other ways.

Past partners I've had, I've often met through a hookup. I have developed strong relationships, if not boyfriend/girlfriend ones (mainly due to the fact that I moved a lot) with a few of them. None of those guys went into the hookup saying, she's "just a slut" because she agreed to this really quickly/has a lot of experience/posts pics online and therefore I'm gonna act aloof and detached because this isn't a "good quality" girl. They went into it as humans and we had good sex and they decided I was fun and slowly we opened up more to each other. The method a lot of men on this sub seem to advocate make this sort of thing impossible, because it assumes that as a "slut" I am unworthy of any sort of consideration. And honestly, these guys miss out on great girls that like sex.

The thing that bothers me about this whole thing IS NOT that I feel cheated; I have been pretty successful in finding men I like to be with. What bothers me about this whole thing is it's depriving MEN of opportunities to have meaningful relationships and experiences. I see so many bitter men talking about sluts and good girls and how they can't get into any girl's pants. IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE BEING A DOUCHE. That's why. And I don't wanna hear it's because they're not "alpha" or attractive enough. That's not as important as personality and confidence. If men just acted with confidence and kindness, they'd have much more success with women who respect themselves and their partners, no matter if they want a long-term relationship or a one-night-stand. One of my best hookups that turned into a pseudo-relationship was with a guy over 300 pounds who had anxiety issues. He was confident (other than while having an anxiety attack), intelligent, kind, and interesting. We started our relationship as just a hookup. But he didn't think of me as just a slut and I didn't think of him as just fat. We didn't offer up our life stories the first time we met, but we were friendly and we had good sex. I think men need to be more open to women and think of them as complex people as opposed to being one of two stereotypes that can be hacked with a formula (slut = aloof, good girl = mysterious but giving enough info to not raise red flags).

Anyway sorry this was so long but really and truly I am frustrated that guys I know personally and care about are stuck in this way of thinking and only hurting themselves with it. I'm glad you took the time to reply and were way more respectful than I would have expected considering that you think women have hamster brains incapable of rationality and probably consider a girl like me to be a slut. I just hope any guy reading this hears my main points, which are: people are complex, love yourself, and be open to life happening. There is no formula, you are not a label, and we can all benefit from a little bit of flexibility and an open mind.

[–]kouklamou92 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Also sidebar: as someone who has not been both genders, how is what you're describing as an emotional/desirous state different than just plain desire/horniness? Do guys still maintain an active rational mental experience while heavily aroused? Because I keep hearing this stereotype about "thinking with your dick" and I guess I'm not understanding what the major difference is. I'm actually interested to know if it was a totally different experience or if you're just interpreting it differently because it was a different type of arousal than you were used to.

[–]Redwolf915 21 points22 points  (0 children)

tl;dr A gay man wants guys to dominate him.

[–]Viking_RnP 8 points9 points  (3 children)

Nice post. Well written and thorough. I have to ask, did you essentially go so blue pill that you just became a female?

[–]Your_Coke_Dealer 16 points17 points  (2 children)

OP is a transsexual who reverted back to being male

I think this was answered in his first post, but I don't remember the answer

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this, I don't know how relevant it is to hunting from the opposite side but it does generate a good amount of insight.

Cheers and hope the gender reassignment goes well.

[–]TopKekSkye 2 points3 points  (4 children)

You should try posting this in 2X, just to see how long it lasts. Great read, thanks

[–]Cyber-Hazard 8 points9 points  (1 child)

As a guy who has always been a guy, with guy impulses and desires, a" southern white redneck " as blue collar as they come this hurts my head to read and try to comprehend.

I often read TRP and think alot of men have lost their chivalry and respect for a woman as I read. Then read this ( man becomes woman ) and it hurts my head to try to understand why a man would put himself through that hell.

Almost like there is no middle ground. Polar opposites.

Oh my head hurts.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (8 children)

Who are you? I want you to post all the time.

This is a perspective we need here. Lots of valuable info from a person going from male to female.

It's like having a double agent in enemy territory.

[–]fuxdpus 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I have nothing against gays or transpeople, but a man who takes estrogen isn't a real biological female.

[–]newls 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fascinating stuff. I read every word. It reaffirms RP principles, but adds a bit more than the generic RP post, because you actually experienced the emotions from the feminine side.

[–]pr1v8d 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is this guy for real? hmm.... interesting.

[–]bullmooseman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Did you find any difference in the way you learned information? Women tend to get better grades than men, what can you say about that aspect of estrogen?

[–]FrostyGoingHisOwnWay 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This makes a lot of sense and it's good information to have honestly, because it confirms a lot of what we know. I thought the connection drawn with shit tests was an important one.

It's often very easy for me to forget to acknowledge the experience of the woman in all this, I read a lot of male spaces and a lot of it is discussing ways to essentially manipulate women to get something of value from them. It's good to dive into their mindset and intellectually understand why they're doing things like shit tests. It almost seems obvious now that you've said it, like I should have known all along. Of course they're doing it because of some inherent benefit to themself, it's rooted in our evolution no doubt, test the stability of the man so when you do become vulnerable to them you know their character and how they'll deal with.

I think my prior understanding was probably too cerebral, like the tests are planned intellectually, they're not in most cases, as you say it's essentially easy to overthink these things, you need to understand that women are mostly running on emotion with their interaction with men they're attracted to.

A pretty unique and interesting perspective, appreciate putting yourself out there to bring us this.

[–]epixs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great article.

On a side note, if a man with low tests wants to safely run Test...he has to get it illegally since TRT is usually given to dudes over 40 with abysmal test levels, but if your a trans wanting to become a female or male, you get all the hormones you want. lol

[–]Short-changedChad 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Don't ask a salamander how to catch fish.

[–][deleted] 2 points2 points

[permanently deleted]

[–]Short-changedChad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't mistake my flippancy. I was commenting on how we sometimes take that idiom too seriously here. Your points have merit.

[–]idiocraties 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Excellent and informative post, and what TRP is all about - understanding reality.

[–]ronsoness 4 points5 points  (0 children)

this is a nice complement to a post i read last week about the lesbian woman who lived as a man for a year. i'm surprised how much effect that estrogen could have on you. i thought it would just be physiological and physical changes, but it seems your mentality did as well.

[–]Endorsed ContributorJamesSkepp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Amazing isnight.

Could you elaborate a bit about vetting a man you were dating for an LTR? What was the qualities you looked for an LTR man as opposed for ONS/pure sexual attraction?

[–]dudet23 10 points11 points  (11 children)

I have known transsexuals and you are full of shit to be honest. Pretty much no transsexuals pass as females. You didn't have "female experiences" and you have no insight into females. You lived and were treated as a transsexual full stop. So much misinformation.

You aren't even attracted to men. You think nothing like a woman. You don't have female instincts.

Why are you giving advice as though your mindset is that of a woman as though the way YOU felt about situations is the same as how women feel about them ? Cause it's not.

"She will " " she might " " she feels ". You are not a she and you don't think like a she you think like a guy who has a mental complex and you have a fetish for transforming into female. None of your perspective could educate us on "what women want "

[–]throw17453 18 points18 points [recovered]

Well you seem to have some set views on this. I did a quick scan of your post history, you are a gay guy, and have written "I hate fags and trannies".

You have known transexuals, as have I. Passing is rare, but it largely comes down to bone structure. If you are young and have feminine facial aesthetics, then you can pass, you are right though it is rare for trans people to pass.

I was honest from the start on this, my bias is that my experiences and mindset became very similar to girls. That is a contestable assertion, and clearly you think otherwise.

[–]NeoreactionSafe 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Yeah it's funny that you responded just as I was going to post.

Of all the responses they tend to be fairly rational, but this guy has some "issues" of some sort.

I find your story interesting.

We have more control over our desires and responses than we realize.

Rene Girard talked about how we actually learn our desires by mimicking others who are our peers.

What makes your story interesting is that you have gone on this long journey of trying different things only to return to the origin... your natural body and it's tendencies.

The LGBT crowd will hate you because you are bringing a kind of rationality to a subject that tends to be a guarded secret.

It's a little like "The Manipulated Man" where a women spills the beans on female treachery.


[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

How can you speak on "how women think" when you've never been one? All that you've written here seems like a misinformed man's fantasy on what it's like to be a woman rather than what it actually is.

[–]Kies_1 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Bro, chill out. You're being a dick.

[–]swans0615 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Lol you idiots believe this guy is female?

[–]ChickenBalotelli 2 points3 points  (5 children)

Could you recommend other ways of dominating her besides making decisions and using language filled with certainty? I could add leading her around physically....

[–]throw17453 13 points13 points [recovered]

Have her call you sir, daddy or just generally start controlling her language, what she can say and when.

Emphasise your strength over her. A guy once held my wrists in one hand over my head, put his leg over me, and told me to try to get out. I could barely move at all, and that helplessness, visceral feeling of being weaker and in his control, it made my mind swim.

Tie her hands, arms.

Have her wear things for you, lingerie, stockings. Whatever it is make it clear you desire her and its for your pleasure.

Know some of the sensitive spots, the neck, inner thighs, grip, bite, move roughly. Throw her around and position her as you desire.

Be loud, call her a little slut, a good little whore.

Oscillate affection with abuse. Caress her face softly, then slap her, hard. Then bring your hand back and hold it there... make her wait and anticipate ("is he going to hurt me") she will be incredibly nervous, but probably incredibly aroused.

Grip her hair, neck... try choking.

Fuck her dominantly, take her.... if you are strong press your body against her so she can feel the weight of you, handle her in a way which makes her feel her body is yours.

Vocalise things, "What are you?" (if you've done this right she will be gazing up at you and breathlessly panting "your slut" or some variation). Communicate your masculinity, desires and ownership of her.

I could go on, but this can give you some idea. Also if she is inexperienced don't dive into doing all this in one go, take things slow and build, increase the dominance, and trust. Submissiveness is something that is built and expressed over time, she will open up the closer the bond she feels to you and more she trusts you.

[–]ChickenBalotelli 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Wow! What a great reply! Thank you so much for taking the time and the effort to write some examples for me and others....be well!

[–]jmax123 1 point2 points  (10 children)

what do you think about taking Finasteride? It alters your hormones by lowering DHT by 70% (the most potent androgen) and increases estrogen by 15%. Ive noticed a change in my sexual desire etc. Less dominant and aggressive in a physical sense.

[–]LarParWar 11 points12 points  (5 children)

Some hair isn't worth chemical castration.

[–]dammit_redskins 1 points1 points [recovered]

I take finasteride. Started about 4 months ago and haven't noticed many changes at all besides less hair falling. The body adjusts to the new hormone levels and balances itself out. Actually even though it can raise estrogen, it also raises testosterone by like 10%. I still feel great and hornier than ever at 21 years old, still making gains in the gym, still fucking college sluts, still me.

Good overall experience for me so far, but just because it works for me doesn't mean it will for everyone. Try not to think about possible side effects too much because psychosomatic side effects are very real.

I'd say it's worth a shot if you are bothered by going bald, if not then just shave that shit and lift.

[–]jmax123 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I'm on it already, have been for about 3 months, stopped my hair falling out which is good. I've just noticed some subtle changes in me. Like not feeling an a raw, animalistic sex drive and less agression. Erections fade quickly aswell. I'm not the type of person to ruminate and worry about sides and shit. Just aware that it may be due to blocking DHT

[–]TheRedTrader 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have been on it for approx 6 months and would basically agree with you. All I can say is basically how I felt at month 3 is how I feel now so it hasn't gotten any worse. Currently as it stands keeping my hair far outweighs the cost I am paying in a slight edge off my aggression etc.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (7 children)

About number 5 of random thoughts - I slept with a girl just other night, we've been seeing each other for two months now and she is really feminine and submissive towards me, LTR material for sure. She had a problem with self esteem and I talked to her about it. Told her that if she has any problem or negative thought she needs to talk to me and when I have a problem or negative thought I would talk to her.
Her response was: "But You never talked to me about Your problems"
My response: "Because I never had any problem that I need to share"
That is true. I was bugged by few things past this two months but I just don't feel a slight bit of need to talk it to her. And I'll probably never will.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That sounds like an unbalanced relationship. If she's the only one opening up, and you say nothing, she's likely to not want to talk to you about her issues anymore.

[–]readgrid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cause boys are always told to suck it up.

[–]j4c0p 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had to compare this "report" to programming/hacking .
Programmer writes the code , taking care of all possibilities he could think of to prevent the hacker to misuse the program to his advantage.
If the program is bank software, programmer needs to write code secure,fast,full of useful features.
The hacker is also usually a good programmer and he knows , that some parts of software needs to be coded in specific way to be secure.
But most of the time , he is just "guessing" and playing with program to see how it behaves in edge cases.
Hacker doesn't have certainty if his approach is going to work.
He starts to have general idea based upon observation and many,many tries, how the program was written.
Now imagine , someone just sends him the source code.

This report looks really like source code.

[–]AmbrosiaFarms 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Great post, thanks for taking the time. Great perspective on the dynamic between male/female

[–]levskiv 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really liked your post and I think it serves a valuable purpose in examining how estrogen affects the brain chemistry. Thank you for sharing this! Also - don't listen to the haters.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Very interesting, thank you. On your point 5, I recall reading this:

The taboo also impacts women (and other men) by discouraging them from listening to the man’s emotional pain, his neediness or his dependency. In my years of working with couples in therapy I have very rarely seen a woman who routinely listened to the emotional pain of her male partner. Think purple polar bear. Very rare. Women do often claim that they want a man who is in touch with his feelings but if you scratch and sniff you find that this means that he should be in touch with HER feelings. It is a rare women who can regularly sit with the man she loves and non-judgmentally hear him out on a feeling level. Yes, women will claim that men give them no chance to do this, that they are cold and unfeeling, but give her a chance in therapy to listen to his pain and what I have seen repeatedly is that she has a very hard time with this and often recoils.


[–]vorverk 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Parts of this post are valid and beliavable, no doubt. But this all just falls too much in to TRP theory to bring any real value. Confirmation bias, self-fulfilling prophecies, unmeasurable claims etc. It's a nice read, don't get me wrong. But I can imagine new TRPers eating this like a chocolate with no skepticism. I call bullshit on overall message of the post. Sex cant be changed by couple of needles and personalities are shaped by decades, not months of hormonal differences.

Nice clickbait though.

[–]throw17453 6 points6 points [recovered]

I was on hormones for some years, not months.

There are also many ways in which my personality did not change - or hardly changed. I spoke about it in the first post I made.

[–]everarisemerari 0 points1 point  (2 children)

All of this is a bunch of rubbish. OP is not a legit transsexual but autogynephile. Autogynephiles are the worst judges since they have an idealized concept of women. Do not believe anything this guy says. Autogynephiles have a distorted perception of reality. If his narrative is real, which I doubt, he did not live as a woman. He lived as a tranny. What I find incredibly disturbing is that this individual claims to have been able to present as unambiguosly and unmistakenly female when even people who have multiple facial surgeries do not pass as women and are still recognized as trannies.

[–]ModeratorPaperStreetVilla 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I look forward to your post on the matter, you sound like a great expert.

[–]FloridaNSUplz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OP, what exactly do you mean by "masculine"?

Similar to stuff that TRP endorses such as being independent, lifting, and self-improvement?

[–]LethalShade 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very interesting insights, thank you for having the guts to post this! This community has a lot of potential and needs this kind of diverse content to fall away from the bigotry we see from time to time.

[–]Senior Contributoradam-l 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is valuable input. Priceless. Thank you, mate.

[–]everarisemerari 0 points1 point  (0 children)

it amazes me how naive people are. Don't you realize that this is an autogynephile? And, if anything, autogynephiles are further than men in the concept of real women.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

seems women are interesting creatures to be with at the condition of being attractive

if you are not, you get the blue pill divorce rape treatment

thanks for the reminder

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

With the degree of irrationality and hyper emotionality that you experienced would you attest that it's reasonable that we curtail female professional opportunity in important fields where feral female traits and deficits can prove deadly (i.e. in medicine, research, engineering, etc.)? Additionally, do you feel that their biologically determined lack of ambition, drive and creativity; along with the submissive receptivity and emotional insecurity that characterizes the totality of the female mind, makes them a general liability in business too? This is all invaluable information that I believe will help with the problem of their having legal autonomy and self-determination.


They ransack every industry compliments of affirmative action, despite it being a biological given that they do not possess a modicum of the temperance or aptitudes to compete in the spheres of Men. Until the laws are changed to protect the interests of men the only legal path we have to rectify the nonsense of equalism is to create hostile work-spaces and grad school environments where they're slightly ostracized and their weak sauce ideas and contributions are disregarded outright. Which brings me to my last question... Do you think that if we ignore and humiliate them in the aforementioned arenas that we can capitalize on that irrational female insecurity and drive them back to traditional domestic roles?

[–]Kies_1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd like to preemptively apologize, I'm a layman on the subject here so excuse the blatant idiocy/ignorance/etc.

Are the things OP has done to the body permanent? If OP stops taking the drugs, will the body and mind revert back to how they were before OP started the drugs? Could OP take different drugs if he wanted to revert the changes?


[–]Crunchyeater 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've done literally everything the opposite as this post and wondered why I've only attracted girls who came out as lesbian after we broke up...

[–]Avskygod0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

doing horrible experiments to yourself like that so we don't have to is certainly brave but absolute madman tier also

But yes we do know females are conflicted as rationally they want "nice guy" but emotionally not, and they are emotion driven creatures

[–]krotch_vilense 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If a man showed weakness to you, did you ever fully respect them again? Also, if a man shows weakness in a situation once but never again, would you regain that respect for them or is it too late? How would you suggest to remedy this for a guy that has? You know.... asking for a friend..

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting how you mention that taking estrogen takes a very long time to mentally and physically undo in order to return to a masculine state. I find that if I don't eat enough, sleep enough, lift hard enough, drink too much alcohol, or I'm stressed out enough that it significantly fucks with my testosterone level.

But it makes sense because women on average eat less and don't lift, and drinking raises your estrogen levels and decreases T. I would even start to feel a sense of smallness and submissiveness. I can't even imagine what taking estrogen would do on top of all that.

[–]My1year 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Newbie to red pill and this is the first post I've read. This is golden and makes complete sense. Thanks for posting

[–]rougecrayon 0 points1 point  (1 child)

All this tells you is what this one person felt and his personal opinions. No one can paint a picture of a gender and be even relatively close to representing any majority of a population

Did you know people are different? Different levels of estrogen and testosterone and progesterone and... Well simply put it's more complicated than that.

[–][deleted] -5 points-5 points

[permanently deleted]

[–]broketsuu -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Of course hes not all mentally there, he's gay and wanted to be a girl. But honestly its better to let them be feries than for them to kill themselves.

[–]TendaMonsta -1 points-1 points [recovered]

A Dynamic of being equal, discussing intellectually or openly, is not conducive to a masculine // feminine dynamic of desiring and connecting.

Why is this? And what can one do to avoid intellectual topics such as science, the timbre of music, philosophy, art, drugs (specifically psychedelics) if this is what one is interested in?

Keep your actual thoughts, intellect and frank discussion to guys and friends.

So just lie?

And what does play with her emotions even look like?

Please excuse this mess of a comment as I am fucked up.

[–]mummersfarce_is_done 2 points3 points  (2 children)

You can try flirting... in other words speaking as if you are speaking to a child plus the sexual remarks. In other words, you can tease them and not take them seriously all that much. To be honest, they resent seriousness anyway. It'll be win-win.

[–]TendaMonsta 2 points2 points [recovered]

To be honest, they resent seriousness anyway.

If this is the case, my general demeanor needs to change (although I don't want to change my natural state for women if I ever decide to participate in the mating game).

[–]RobertCarraway 1 point2 points  (2 children)

So just lie?

Omit, play, divert. Don't lie.

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