This post is the direct result of an experience I've had with my LTR. I will tell the story of what occurred, followed by a RedPill breakdown of the ebbs and flows of the situation and how to apply these same tactics to your own LTRs in the case of a fake break-up shit test.
I was with my girlfriend of about a year, at the gym, getting ready to leave. I'm busy telling her about a female friend of mine who is going through a break-up with her boyfriend. We'll call this female friend Lexi. Being a good friend of mine, I reached out to her to see how she was doing on this day as it had been a few days since her break-up.
Arriving home, we (my LTR and I) sat in bed together and discussed the occurrences of the day while I was texting Lexi. Out of nowhere, Lexi says "do you know any guys who would be interested in me?", an obvious grab for validation. My LTR sees it and quips "She just wants you to say you do." Ignoring her, I respond saying I do not, and she responds with "I would hook up with you if I could lol". My LTR goes into a complete rage.
I promptly respond to the text with my LTR watching, "I'm in a relationship right now so that's not an option". It's not enough. The insulting rhetoric keeps on pouring out. "I can't trust you!" "You can't be friends with her!" "You're egging this on!" I remind her that I've set a boundary for Lexi here and I have nothing to hide. I tell her Lexi's behavior was not okay but she is, regardless, a dear friend of mine and that I would not be ghosting her. My LTR demands that I never speak to her again and I say "I don't get to decide who you're friends with, and you don't get to decide who I befriend and remain in contact with. End of story." She persists in her infantile tantrum, so I get up and check my email. She starts demanding my attention, raising her voice and throwing more insults: "You don't listen to me! Why do you always get to decide when fights are over! You're being a child!"
After about an hour of her pouting while I'm just doing my own thing, we start talking calmly about other matters. Finally, she comes out with "Now that my head's clear, I think...we should just be done." I say "Okay. See ya." and return to what I'm doing on the computer. "That's it?" she asks. "Yes," I say, "and make sure you get all your shit out of my house before you go." Silence. Then, still standing there, she inquires, "Can I have a hug?" I decline her offer, remind her she wants to end things and remind her where the door is. Eventually, we make it downstairs with all her stuff. I go to open the door and she stops me. "Wait," she says, "don't you want some closure?" "I'm fine," I tell her. "You obviously never cared about me," she says, getting more emotional, yet, still standing there. I return with "Yeah, can't say I give a fuck that you're ending it over this. Petty. See ya." I also throw in a "by the way, the decision you make here tonight is permanent. If it's over, we're never speaking again."
After a little more of this she COMPLETELY 180s. Starts grasping desperately for validation, back to "Never mind, I decided I want to be with you. I love you. hugs". I still back away when she attempts to hug me. Still teasing the rest of it out. Bleh. Let's just get to the breakdown.
My LTR seeing that Lexi texted me saying she would hook up with me if she could was unanticipated Dread Game
And no, before you suggest it, I was not cheating and was not egging on this behavior in the background. I was fully unprepared for Lexi to come out and say that. We are friends of 6 years and we had a romantic past several years back that has been platonic ever since.
Now look at how she reacted. She was pissed, as one should be in this situation. I immediately set the boundary for Lexi and it wasn't enough for the hamster in my bitch's head. She began pouring out the shit tests, which I promptly ignored or pressure-reversed. Let me also mention at this time that I never once raised my voice or lost my frame. I remained docile the entire time and spoke calmly but firmly. These shit tests were all a POWER PLAY by her in order to gain MORE CONTROL over me in this relationship. By ignoring her and flipping the blame, I passed the shit tests. By passing the shit tests, I utterly but subtly refused to relinquish this power and control to her.
- Her decision to break-up was the ULTIMATE Shit Test!!
This was her last ditch effort to gain that control she so badly wanted. It didn't bode well with her at all that this woman was offering herself to me and it wasn't enough that I set the boundary. I had to give up this friendship in order to maintain the relationship and I was unwilling to do so. Thus, she attempted a very powerful shit test. Notice my immediate reaction: "Okay. See ya." (I must admit that the moment she said we should end it a feeling of dread washed over me. This was my Blue Pill conditioning dying to come back out. I realized it immediately after I had the feeling and I gave the appropriate response for which the situation called). By feigning disinterest and apathy and promptly returning to my business (my computer), she began to wonder "does he really care about me? I should find out". This is why she asked if I really had nothing else to say and then began with the hug attempts. I wasn't going to let her get away with her behavior that easily, however, and I kept backing away and feigning disinterest at each thing she said until she flopped. Like I said, I continued to "tease out" how she really felt and showed her desire to break-up for what it really was: a gigantic shit test. She thought she could call my bluff but instead I called hers.
- Pass shit tests with Amused Mastery
Hold frame, remain calm, don't respond directly to what they say, agree and amplify, flip the pressure/blame. They're adult children; treat them as such.
Epilogue: After she left, she sent me a very large text apologizing and attempting to rationalize her behavior just a tad - although she did finish her wall of text with a promise to work on her behavior. The fact is, she has past relationships, including a 5-year ex, with whom she still corresponds, and it's an astronomical double-standard for her to expect me to cut ties with a woman who said she would hook up with me if she could.
Furthermore, I felt angry and greatly disrespected at the enormous shit test she pulled. I seriously considered ending the relationship that night and many of you will probably encourage me to do so upon reading this. I must admit I am still Blue Pill in my inability to actually end the relationship as it is my first LTR ever. While I can practice RedPill tactics on her I still have a bit of a scarcity mentality by staying with a woman who treats me this way and by being afraid of the consequences of a break-up (loss of mutual friends, great immediate change, a period of grief). I'm still considering ending it over this rather recent event. The only lesson I have not yet learned is the one I would if I ended it.