Introduction: My path of self improvement, from a beta who couldn’t speak with woman at all and was struggling in all facets of life, to a man who have a comfortable success with woman(not inceling anymore) and doing well in life. In this post i hope that my experiences will be helpful for people that are in a similar path.
Body: I used to be a disaster socially, had social phobia, but didn't felt the urge to change because, at the time, i was on a LTR with a HB7 i met on internet(shame on me), basically was "happy" on the matrix. Well she eventually cheated on me with a friend of mine that i introduced to her. I was so blue pilled that even after that i made effort to be her friend, she would humiliate me telling how much better the guy was than me, how she loved the sex with him... i feel shame and anger just typing that. It's bizarre to think that a girl that told me she loved and cared about me now was having fun humiliating me. Women simply can't respect betas i guess.
Anyway, 2014, i blocked the bitch and all my "friends" who sided with her, started reading tons of books and focused in restarting my life, at this time i didn't knew RP so i got into the PUA thing, started lifting and eating well(used to be really skinny).
I spent 2014 in full introspection, just working, studying and reading; it was the hardest year of my life, it hurts realizing how much reality was different from the illusion i had chosen to believe. But it was a good year, managed to enter a top 2 university in my country in engineering and made new good friends there.
2015, i wanted to put into practice all the PUA knowledge i had acquired, so i started approaching girls on the parties on my campus. It was brutal at first, my smv was so low that girls would reject me on sight, i didn’t need to talk anything to get rejected. But i kept going, i felt that at least i was facing my fears; at some point i gave up trying to pick up them, though, and, instead, just focused on having conversations with women i thought were attractive. After 4 months i was having cool conversations, not getting instantly rejected, making new friends every party, but didn’t had the courage to pull the trigger. When you are ignored by woman your whole life you start to think that it is impossible for you, but one day in a middle of a conversation a HB7.5 just kissed me. Of course i was so much happy and developed some kind of oneitis on her, but didn't dwell too much on it.
After that i started to have more success, it was not so big of deal kissing a woman in a party anymore. Sadly i had an accident where i broke my leg(tibia), that’s when i discovered RP, i loved it from the start because everything i read made sense with my back then experiences with women, spent the next 3 months only reading RP books, read the Rational Male(my favorite), Laws of Power, The Red Queen, Models, and so on.
When my leg recovered(September 2015) i went back to the party lifestyle, it felt so different, now was really rare not picking up anyone there, i would at minimum find a HB7 that wanted me, some days i would kiss 4~6 girls at the same night.
After some months of hedonism i realized that the relations were one-sided, i had to approach the girls, i had to do all the seducing, and in the next days i was the one that had to do the talk and keep conversations going, i felt that i needed to re-seduce those woman every time, you can imagine how tiring and time demanding it was. And going for the sex was really hard, i didn’t had any logistics because i was living away from home, had to share a room with other students; the only way i managed to have sex was paying expensive motels. At this time i was convinced the only reason i was not getting a lot of sex was logistics, little i knew.
2016, started a monk mode, my routine was: wake up at 6 am, had classes until 3 pm, then work till 7 pm, then English classes(English is my third language), do my calisthenics, eat then sleep. Imagine doing that for 8 months, it felt great, i felt powerful; got a raise in work, did really well at my classes, finally got my six pack and felt like i improved my English a lot -- still much to improve. This experience changed completely my view on most of the women, i would look at them and think: man, those girls don’t do 1% of what i do, all they have is looks, they are nothing compared to me. I even gave up on the idea of rushing to rent a house for me, instead i started to save money to invest on some project ideas i have.
This change of perception also drastically changed my attitude, when i finally broke the monk mode and got back into parties my approach became really different, first thing was that i didn’t bother asking for numbers anymore and genuinely didn’t care if they wanted me or not. I would say stupid things just for my fun, for example at one party i called a girl a “tower” while laughing because she was “defending” her friend from me(i was being really touchy with her), she was furious, but in the end her friend sided with me… said it was fine.
The most surprising thing, though, is that some women started to work for me, like they would be the ones asking my number now(of course some didn't ask, i didn't bother), they were the ones trying to come up with subjects in conversations, they were the ones finding logistics for sex. It was funny seeing some women being perplexed on the fact that, after having a good time with them, i would just say bye and leave. Now i would kiss then and rapidly try to escalate, things like trying to finger them in the middle of the parties, would say things like “i’ll lick you so hard that you’ll beg me to fuck you”, i really didn’t mind if they dumped me. In my first party after the monk mode i got a blowjob on a isolated part of the campus, the next week one girl invited me to go to her house when her parents were at work. And for the first time of my life i felt that the they really wanted me, they were going out of their way in sex, it was not like before where i was the one trying to please them.
Another thing that surprised me is that women started to be useful, not the time sink it used to be, for example i was needing a expensive book for a class and didn’t want to buy it, one day one woman(the one who invited me for her house, i’m still dating her, she’s really useful) gave me the book as a gift.
Now 2017 i want to keep focusing on my goals, i realize women it’s not the thing i want the most, I'm 2 weeks without answering any women in whatsapp, told them I'm busy at work. I wanna be rich and help my little brothers, so they don’t have to pass the difficulties i had to pass money-wise, I’ll keep lifting and improving my self.
Conclusion: The most important thing in this quest of being better with women was realizing that i don’t care about it that much, being free from the idea that i can’t mate helped me realize what i really want and what is really important to me. I now value more being with my bros than being with some random bitch.
Other important lesson was that working hard is the only way to get that IDGAF attitude, i tried it multiple times on the past, but the best i could do was faking it, only when i began to work really hard on my goals i realized that women where not that big of a deal and stopped caring; and how i didn't actually needed logistics in order to have sex(even though it would be good). And of course guys, lifting is really important.