Red Pill TheoryRelationship Mantras To Live By (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by tddaygame

Summary: Those relationship mantras are manifestations of my current mindset in regard to male-female relationships. These are also things I've been writing over and over (and over) again on Polish pickup forums where guys are asking almost the same questions every single week. Yes, they're that bad.


Listen To Her Actions, Not Her Words

I'll repeat it over and over (and over) until I die: listen to her actions, not her words. Always. It doesn't matter what she says. It only matters what she does and by her action she shall be judged.

That ranges from positive experiences like her saying "we're not going to have sex today" (we all know how those nights end) to negative like "I'd love to meet you but I'm super busy at the moment" (and then she's partying all weekend until her friends drag her back home).

Some words you can ignore ("I've never done things like that!") others might make you more wary about her ("He's just a friend, I couldn't be with him"). But none of those words matter unless they're backed by real-life actions.

I wouldn't call it lying. What girls say and how they - for the lack of better word - reason is tied to their emotional state. So she probably believes the thing she says at that exact moment. "I don't like jacked guys" is a perfect example. She doesn't... until she sees a huge guy who immediately makes her wet. But those few moments earlier she'd really meant that. Yet, you can't cheat your primal urges.


Sex First And Then (Maybe) A Relationship

Some say friendzone is the worst place you can get with a women. I say it's on par with limbo - girl giving you just enough to keep you interested but not nearly as much as you want. Ditch her in both cases.

Before sex the whole dynamic is in her favor - she deals the cards, you play. You want to sleep with her, she doesn't want to feel like an easy girl and/or being used. If it's a facade - it's normal and expected. But if a girl deliberately makes you wait for sex that means she's not that into you but at the moment she doesn't have better options. You like that?

After you two have sex the tables are turned. You've already got the biggest obstacle out of the way and it is for you to decide whether you want to continue to see this girl or treat her like a one night stand. Unless it was a really fast first date sex she invested enough for her to want to see you more. Maybe even get you into some sort of relationship.

If you're going to give her all the attention, validation and quality time she wants then why on earth would she expose herself to the danger of you using her for sex? She already gets most of the things she wants. That's assuming she's not that into you and sex isn't high priority for her (not enough attraction).


Text For Logistic, Date For Sex

Texting should be considered means to an end. That end is you two being on a date, there is no other way around it. Action and real world is what counts, not the texting or even worse - endless conversations on WhatsApp or Messenger. Either pretend to be busy or get busy.

The same goes for dates. You already know that sex should be on your mind. Don't be needy - you merely want her, not need her. But at the same time focus on getting her into your bed (or wherever).

Just like "just texting" doesn't bring you closer to a date, "just dating" doesn't bring you closer to sex. Have a plan and adapt. If you're going on "just a coffee date" then it's either to quickly verify her level of interest or to push her away using bridge date idea.


Attraction Isn't Negotiable

It really isn't. You cannot talk a girl into seeing you as an attractive guy. You cannot buy her desire. If you're aiming at genuine attraction you have to accept that reason has nothing to do with it. Of course some things you do or the way you behave will trigger an emotional response. But you're judged as a whole - either you get over the threshold or don't. And she's got quite a few thresholds - "I could date him", "I could marry him", "I could have sex with him", "I want him, now, no matter the consequences".

Guys that are reading pickup forums or red pill in general don't have a problem in grasping the concept of attraction when related to new girls. Somehow it's much different when they enter any sort of arrangement with a women. But attraction works exactly the same way.


Doing Less, Not More, Is The Way To Repair A Relationship

Many guys with "relationship problems" just need to read one book - No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover. Healthy selfishness is a thing that will make you happy. Or at least happier.

Taking into account that attraction can't be negotiated you have to transform yourself into someone desirable. Logical things and endless talks won't change a thing. A good start would be becoming the guy that she felt for. Remember all the things she asked you to stop or start doing? Undo everything. She liked you enough back then - why change? To make yourself unattractive by getting rid of every single feature that made her wet?

The standard operating procedure when the girl you're in a relationship with is no longer into you is simple: stop doing anything for her (don't reward bad behavior), start doing everything for yourself.

Go to the gym, that's as important as breathing. Get into the best shape of your life. Pick up one or two manly hobbies - from shooting through motorcycle riding to carpentry. Whatever involves physical work and/or adrenaline. Start spending a lot of time outside your home. Meet with friends, go for few beers, go and pick up some other girls (if you don't want to have sex with other girls - don't but at the very least flirt with them), be more open, make friends everywhere and chat every attractive female.

Yeah, it will be hard at first. There will be whining and terror and accusations and drama. Stoicism is the answer. You're the man and those are the things you do now. She can either be happy for you or shut up and do her own things. It's almost funny how often this approach works. It's a combination of dread, excitement, being put down and genuine attraction for a confident man with a purpose.


You Won't Change Anything By Talking, Only Actions Count

Nothing to add to this one as this post is already long enough. Everything you've read so far should by applied in real life through action. You cannot talk someone into something or out of anything. Arguing never changed anyone's mind. If you want people to behave differently start treating them differently. That's the only mechanism that can work.


She's Not Special, There Are Thousands Just Like Her

I'd like to end on a positive note but for some it will still sound grim. She's not special. She's no snowflake. And she definitely isn't the most beautiful and/or compatible girl you'll see in your life.

There are millions of girls you'd find attractive scattered all over the world. If you're reading this then you're not one of those guys who fall in love in high school, marry and be miserable till the day you die. You'll meet hundreds, maybe even thousands of women during your adventures. There is no point in obsessing over one girl. No matter how hot she is there will always be hotter ones.

And you'll find them.


Lessons (re)learned:

  • Listen To Her Actions, Not Her Words
  • Sex First And Then (Maybe) A Relationship
  • Text For Logistic, Date For Sex
  • Attraction Isn't Negotiable
  • Doing Less, Not More, Is The Way To Repair A Relationship
  • You Won't Change Anything By Talking, Only Actions Count
  • She's Not Special, There Are Thousands Just Like Her


This is a theoretical post and if you're a man of action you should check out my daygame blog where I post more practical advice.

[–]tallwheel 37 points38 points  (0 children)

"The person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least." - Rollo

I've always found this one to be a very simple and important philosophy in a relationship. Perhaps even the most important thing to know.

[–][deleted] 110 points111 points  (10 children)

The most important thing is to have fun while it last. Too many people holds on to long or take rejection as failure. If you can just enjoy the moment and take it from there you are already enjoying life. Just do not commit if not 100 % sure, and even then wait a little.

[–]newName543456 69 points70 points  (8 children)

Aka "she's not yours, it's just your turn".

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points  (4 children)

& "You're not hers, it's just her turn."

[–]Lo-G 8 points9 points  (3 children)

No. That's not how females view their relationships. These things are not the same for men as they are for women. The fact that this reply got upvoted says a lot about how much trp as a community still has to learn.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

That's not how females view their relationships

Exactly. As a man, you need to control the frame. She needs to know that you will dismiss her without a second thought. It's just her turn.

[–]TooMuchToDoo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it has a lot to do with how people view it as an alpha vs. beta thing. The former puts the value on the woman, whereas the latter puts the value on the man. Some people take it the wrong way and think that saying the latter makes you sound more alpha, but in reality the latter doesn't really describe what the phrase is getting at.

[–]phantomlordd 10 points11 points  (0 children)

One of the most important things to internalize. I spent so much time feeling angry about a girl that dumped me after a short relationship, as if she was mine and I deserved her forever. I used to think about her every single minute, thinking how much I hated her and what could have been if we were still together. Needless to say, I was suffering a lot over this very small setback.
Then I realized: this girl doesn't own me shit. I was being very immature for suffering so fucking much about a single failed transaction. She had what I was looking for, but I wasn't provinding what she was looking for anymore. Game over, on to the next one. God damn, it's so simple. Relationships are not this special and magic thing that many people make it seems. They are just one aspect of life that you shouldn't spend to much time if it's not giving you pleasure.

[–]lvl99jacked 8 points9 points  (0 children)

AF: does stuff for his amusement BB: pussy foots AF: feels good making jabs BB: feels good when rewarded like a good dog with a pat on the head AF: laughs freely BB: is conditioned to laugh for specific topics

If it doesn't last forever, at least you got some laughs/stories/experience and didn't end up like an oddly trained dog looking for a similar master.

[–]Rasenko 60 points61 points  (4 children)

I would also add "always be ready to leave".

Some guys may know that there are millions of other girls out there, but refuse to leave because their beta hamster prevents them from moving on. Either from oneitis, settling or other cringe excuse.

Which also brings up "abundance mentality"

Dont just realize there are other girls, but keep ur game on point and actually have the skill to replace her. To pharaphrase Dante Nero "Keep your human resources department open and always be taking applications".

[–]matthewbroderdick points points [recovered]

The stronger your grip, the harder it is to let go. It's always a choice. Only hold tightly to that which you shouldn't surrender.

[–]wench_enabler 1 point2 points  (2 children)

He means the opposite, be ready to let go at any given moment's notice.

[–]matthewbroderdick points points [recovered]

That's exactly what I meant. Thought it was pretty clear.

[–]wench_enabler 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Reading comprehension is at a low on Mondays apparently, my bad.

[–]Mr-Ed209 46 points47 points  (1 child)

I wonder if anyone else feels this. I feel like 'getting feelings' for someone is a choice. Especially as a guy. It used to happen to me once a girl showed clear interest; a realisation of 'this girl is cool she likes me i'm going to like her'.

Cue the inevitable BP behaviour, talk too much (better keep her interest right?). End up completely confused that you're now invested in this girl who now has completely no interest in you.

TRP allows you to internalise and rationalise your behaviour, never rushing into the feelings department will always be a benefit.

[–]1redpillthrowaway34 12 points13 points  (0 children)

"Never make a decision when you're emotional- it clouds your judgment."

[–]harsha_hs 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Text For Logistic, Date For Sex

Powerful message. Understand this thoroughly. You're a man and every action you do will have to work towards a goal. Whenever I feel like messaging that snowflake, I immediately think about some other work to be done and do it.

After a couple of days, I see some random joke on my inbox which implies she wants to get back in touch with me. At this time, I set up a date and she won't deny. Now, at the date usually, she will be all needy, talk so much and tell me how awesome she is and why I should treat her like special snowflake. I seem less interested and escalate. Sometimes she resists, which prompts me to walk out almost immediately. Sometimes she doesn't, which gets her further contact with me. This is how I am increasing my n count and mind you, that number is getting impressive day by day.

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

you forgot my all time favorite:

shes not yours, it's just your turn

[–]ikigaiaru 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Basically, don't invest more in her than she does in you. If you don't believe you deserve better, you will trap yourself with someone who doesn't respect you. Respect is shown by actions not words.

[–]cpt_justice 5 points6 points  (0 children)

With regards to the second part of the first point, I remember reading a suggestion to mentally add "Right now, I feel like" to everything a woman says.

"I don't like jacked guys" becomes "Right now, I feel like I don't like jacked guys".

[–]Kolbykilla 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Before sex the whole dynamic is in her favor - she deals the cards, you play. You want to sleep with her, she doesn't want to feel like an easy girl and/or being used. If it's a facade - it's normal and expected. But if a girl deliberately makes you wait for sex that means she's not that into you but at the moment she doesn't have better options. You like that?

I wanna give another perspective on this dynamic. One of my old plates had a really fucking awesome social circle but I wasn't really attracted to her all that much, much less then her hot friends. So I eventually managed my way to friendzone her become part of her social circle, and I'm still good friends with her today. But anyways this gives me a unique perspective because I have a lot of friends that are women at this point in my life, and from what I've heard about their experience with guys is if they see you as the provider type they will NOT put out on the first date, they will make you wait because they only see you as relationship material. But they will not shed a single tear for fucking one of their chad's right after (see I happen all the time) their beta providers took them out on a date and paid for their meal. She tells me all the time "yeah if I know he's an asshole I know to just expect sex." Translation: The with rock solid frame who really doesn't give a fuck about her and is congruent with that fact is ok to have sex with because she knows it probably will never be more then that. This is why framing yourself is so important. You do not want to fall into the provider frame with women. If you do its better to cut all losses and find another plate and learn from your mistakes.

[–]doombreath123 points points [recovered]

A newbie question here. What if you're a career oriented person? Aren't they always going to view you as a provider? A more general question. If you're a relationship material aren't you always gonna be viewed as such? What do you do about that? You obviously cannot compete with the big bad bikers, covered in tattoos unless you rely on your own advantages, which happen to label you as the person you described. (the biker part is just an example and can be replaced by any badboy stereotype)

[–]Kolbykilla 0 points1 point  (1 child)

What if you're a career oriented person?

Easy, I'm a career oriented person. I have a career I spent a lot of my time at BUT with saying that I'm not broadcasting that, my job, my job title, how much I make or really anything in depth about my job. I describe what I do and that's it.

Aren't they always going to view you as a provider?

Having a good job doesn't = you're a provider. Qualifying yourself to her with your job/title, money, car, vacations ect. is what makes you become a provider. Taking her out to fancy restaurants and buying her meals, makes you a provider. This is why you don't do dinner dates as a first date. It just sets the tone that you're gonna provide for her. Do something informal, like drinks, ice cream, walk in the park, netflix n chill at your place. Something inexpensive and doesn't requires you to invest a lot of time, effort or money.

This all goes back to your frame, frame yourself as a cool motherfucker who knows what he wants in life, has hobbies, has his own social circle and doesn't need a girl in his life to be happy. If you frame yourself like you need some ho on your arm to impress your friends, or you need to take a hottie out to restaurant to show her off, or need to a hot girl to make up for your insecurities you'll defintely come off as having a provider frame. Don't be that guy. What you do in life doesn't = your frame. How you frame yourself, your mentality and how you express it is what your frame is.

If you're a relationship material aren't you always gonna be viewed as such? What do you do about that?

Men are gatekeepers of relationships women are gatekeepers of sex. You decide if there will be a committed relationship or not, use that to your advantage. Make a girl earn that commitment, and by doing so be very selective in that process, and don't dismiss bad behavior punish it. If she steps out of line NEXT. There's always another girl around the corner. You need to get yourself to the point where you have options and abundance so its a lot easier to drop a girl without it effecting you.

[–]circlhat 10 points11 points  (2 children)

This is going to create undue frustration as emotions don't work the way you described, once a women sees you as beta going back to the old guy is not really going to work.

It is best just to get a new girl,

[–]tddaygame[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

"NEXT" is my number one advice but guys on Polish pickup forums are hell-bent on trying first. Granted, many of them "because kids" or "because marriage" and the laws here aren't as bad as in the US but still those guys will get fucked up.

And I've personally seen few cases when the approach described worked.

[–]flippermcgeek 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Women. Treat them like shit, throw them a bone every once in a while, and they will love you forever.

[–]This1sMyWorkAccount 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really could have used this during my BP years in college.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

These are so important. You've compiled an incredible cheat-sheet here for sexual strategy and a healthy (yes, healthy) approach to male-female relationships.

[–]1redpillthrowaway34 8 points9 points  (0 children)

"When you're happy, she's happy."

  • Patrice O'Neal, Relationship God.

[–]fossiltargus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She's not special... Hit hard man

[–]Rugby11 -1 points0 points  (0 children)