They told me I had FIVE MINUTES to live. And that's when I knew what my priorities were. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by IGoYouStayTwoAutumns


Socrates said that a philosopher is someone who spends his life preparing for death. 10 years ago I found myself in the ER about to undergo an operation that I likely wouldn't survive. The operation was to commence in 5 minutes.

Tell me, if I gave you five minutes to live, would that be enough time? Would all your affairs be in order? Would you be ready to go? If not, read on...



So 10 years ago, I was 30 years old, living in NYC. Screenwriting (or trying to), engaged to a beautiful Russian woman (my best friend, my "soulmate", the woman I was convinced I was going to spend the rest of my life with, etc etc--suffice to say, that one didn't work out...), and generally living it up. I wasn't a huge party guy at the time, I went out and drank a few times a week, smoked cigarettes every now and then (I didn't usually smoke during my non-party days, I was one of those guys who only started smoking after the second martini, and then, I'd smoke like half a pack over the course of one night of drinking). Was a little overweight but nothing major, all in all, my health was pretty good.

And then one day I noticed: it was becoming a little hard to breathe.

At first I thought it was a cold, some sort of "virus" I'd picked up somewhere... Living in NYC you get used to getting sick a lot (particularly if you're out partying a few nights a week), it's such a densely populated city that it's like: one person gets sick, and 10 seconds later everyone else has it. So for me this was nothing new, figured my shortness of breath was nothing to worry about, and it would eventually go away. No biggie.

A month later: and I still have it. And it's getting bad. Like now it's getting tough to walk down the street. I walk a block, and then I have to rest for a moment, get my breath back. Another block, another rest. Breathing deeply is difficult, painful. It feels like there's some kind of blockage in my chest. But still, I think, how bad could this be? I'm 30, I can't be SICK. "SICK" is for old people, not young guys like me who've never been seriously ill a day in their lives.

Still, I splurge and see a few doctors. Didn't have health insurance at the time (another huge no-no, I'll get to that in a bit), couldn't afford it. Wasn't working full time (I was a freelance writer, or at least I was trying to be, trying to get a script sold, and a movie made), and buying off-the-shelf health insurance was an expensive proposition: $900 a month was the cheapest I could find, $1,100 a month if I wanted prescription meds tossed into the deal. Couldn't afford the $900 a month, was reasonably healthy anyway so figured I didn't need it, crossed my fingers that I wouldn't end up in the ER one day (something else I'll get to in a sec), and that was that.

So no health insurance, went to visit a few doctors, asked about my difficulty in breathing, every single doctor I saw said "Don't know, sorry, nothing to tell you, all our tests say you're fine, that'll be a few hundred bucks, thanks." (Or, "That'll be two grand, thanks.") All in all I probably saw half a dozen doctors over the course of a few weeks, paid them all out of pocket (several thousand dollars total, might have been more actually, maybe $10K+?), all for them to run a few tests, take a few EKGs, and tell me "Nah, you're fine, it's all in your head, walk it off, don't worry about it." Hell, I had the top pulmonologist in NYC tell me (no joke): "You have Adult Onset Asthma." "What's that?" I asked. "It kinda sounds like you're making that up. Like right now." "Nope" he said, "It's a VIRUS." (I later learned "virus" is doctor speak for "We don't know...") He told me: "Just grit your teeth and get through it, it's all in your head. You'll be fine."

Meanwhile my breathing continued to get worse. Getting up and crossing the room became difficult. And then, one day, I woke up, got out of bed, and immediately collapsed. My airway had shut off completely. I couldn't breathe. AT ALL. There was just no way to get air in.

I was going to die.

The room blacked out, I lost consciousness--and came to maybe a minute later. Still alive, lying on the floor, wheezing ever so slightly. (The real kicker: I'd set my laptop alarm to play a random song from my iTunes to wake me up, the song that was currently playing was from the soundtrack to the movie THE FOUNTAIN--this particular track was actually the "death" song in the movie, so I thought, when I collapsed, how hilarious, how totally apropos: I was actually gonna fucking die with THE FOUNTAIN soundtrack playing in the background...)

So a few minutes later I somehow, extremely carefully, dragged myself off the floor. Made it to the front room. Sat on the couch. Flipped on the TV. Wondered what to do. Doctors were out (they couldn't do anything anyway), should I go to the hospital? No health insurance, ER visit would be $30K, $40K, maybe $50K easy. Just to walk in the door. Didn't exactly have $50,000 dollars lying around--what should I do? Just sit here and wait? Was I going to collapse again? Was I going to die without even realizing it?

A few hours later (and with no real movement on my part, I was still on the couch), my doorbell rang and one of my neighbors stood there, a publicist who reps a lot of celebrity clients and makes it her business to be loud, in charge, and MAKE SURE SHE IS HEARD. She took one look at me and said "We're going to the ER. Now. NOW." I asked her what was going on, she said her sister was a doctor, she'd described my symptoms to her, and sis had told her I had a blood clot. A bad one. Somehow all the doctors had missed it. Her sister told her: "If you don't get him to the ER IMMEDIATELY he's going to die. And it's gonna be your fault. You're gonna have blood on your hands."

I sighed. Well damn, I guess we were going to the ER. And I was about to be a whole lot poorer.


So we skip the ambulance (since that would have actually taken longer), my friend hails a cab, we get one right away, and she proceeds to scream at the poor cabbie "GET THIS MAN TO A HOSPITAL!! NOW!!! NOWNOWNOW!!!!" (I, for my part, was half sitting half lying in the back seat, kind of dazed and in and out of consciousness.) We have the cabbie pull up to the little parking lot / loading bay the ambulances use, of course everyone there is like What the fuck do you think you're doing, and then my friend, God bless her, gets out, and proceeds to scream her way through the crowd and right up to the front of the line, where she makes it clear that if they don't see me RIGHT NOW, I might not make it.

I still wasn't too sure about all this, but to the hospital's credit (I was at NYU), one of the doctors took one look at me and was like "Yeah, we need to get him back here right away." So back I went, clothes off, hospital gown on, into the hospital bed, and there I sat in my little curtained cubicle in the ER while a few tests were run. This time, specifically looking at my blood clot situation.

This is where it gets interesting.

A team of doctors descends upon me then, maybe like 5 docs, men and women, all surgeons. They can't believe what they're seeing: they've never seen a case of blood clotting this advanced in the sum total of all their medical careers. They can't believe I'm still alive, still breathing. But one thing is clear, they need to operate. NOW. (The mood is very grim.) I tell them I don't have health insurance, what kind of operation are they talking about? How much will it cost? One of the female docs looks at me and says "We're cracking your chest open. I don't know how much it'll cost. $3 million? $5 million? I have no idea. Does it matter?" I'm a little shocked to hear these numbers but of course at that point I'm also feeling kind of unshockable, so I say (half joking) "You know I don't know if I have that much money on me..." She looks me dead in the eyes and says "Well you don't have to have the operation, you don't have to pay. You can just die instead."

Let it not be said they didn't offer me a choice...

So the doctors are looking over my tests, and talking / muttering amongst themselves, when suddenly the head guy pulls the "team" away to the far side of the ER (well out of earshot). I figure they're just talking about their gameplan for the surgery (which I'm sure they were), my friend (the one who brought me in) goes with them (kind of hovering nearby), and then a few minutes later, she comes back and stands near my bed. Pulls the curtain shut, we're alone. (Doctors still talking amongst themselves on the other side of the very large room.)

My friend says, quietly (and this is the first time I'd ever heard her say anything quietly in the entire time I'd known her): "Is there anyone you need to call?"

I'm a little slow on the uptake, so I say: "Call? What do you mean, call? Why? Who should I call?"

She looks at me a long moment and then says, again (slowly, clearly): "IS THERE ANYONE YOU NEED TO CALL. IN YOUR LIFE. IS THERE ANYONE YOU NEED TO CALL."

Me (still not getting it): "Well, I mean, I guess I should let some people know I'm here, at some p--"

She cuts me off: "I heard the doctors talking. They're gonna operate, but they don't think you're gonna make it." (pause) "They're gonna start in like five minutes. So anything you wanna do for the rest of your life, you have five minutes to do it." And then she hands me her phone.

Well then.


You know, "five minutes to live" is an interesting situation to find yourself in, particularly when it's not GUARANTEED you're going to die, just likely. What do you? What CAN you do, from a hospital bed? Make a few calls? Who do you call? What do you say?

It's funny too because this actually wasn't the first time that I'd been close to the death process. When I was 16, and a freshman in college (I went off to college 2 years early), we had a school shooting (one of the first, I believe, pre-Columbine): a sophomore armed with an assault rifle ran through campus and shot at everything and everyone in his path. He killed a few people, critically wounded several more. One of the people he shot (but did not kill) was a good friend of mine, who took a bullet right in front of me (and lost much of his legs in the process). I'd never been shot at before, and it's quite a surreal, out of body experience: you actually feel like you're in a movie. Even though you're technically close to death, even though you see your friend get hit right in front of you, you still think, in the back of your mind, "I can't get shot, I'm the star of this movie, the hero, and the hero never dies." Thankfully I didn't get shot, and the shooter was eventually apprehended (though another friend of ours elsewhere on campus was shot in the chest and, unfortunately, didn't make it).

Another time: riding in the passenger seat of a car, a friend of mine is driving--he, unbeknownst to me, has gobbled all sorts of hallucinogens for the journey. We're on a winding mountain road. He starts accelerating: 70mph. 80. 90. It takes me a moment to realize what's going on (he's having some kind of terrible reaction to whatever he took), and then, looking forward, I see a sharp turn up ahead, like a 90 degree turn to the left, and a steep drop off directly in front of us. A cliff. We're screaming towards a cliff, and I realize: oh my God, we can't possibly make that turn at this speed. We're going off the cliff. We're going to die. I knew, KNEW, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that I had about 2 seconds to live and that was it.

And you know what, it was the biggest RELIEF, the greatest peace, the greatest HAPPINESS, I've ever known (I was 20 when this happened). All that angst, all those tough moments in my life, all that struggle, and suddenly faced with death, I was like "That's it?? All that fuss, and that's it...??!! That wasn't so bad!!" I almost wanted to laugh. And then off the cliff we went, and the rest is blackness.

Woke up in the ER a little while later: broken neck. And I gotta say, when I came to, I was actually a little disappointed. A LOT disappointed, in fact. Like: damn, I was all ready to go, ready to spring into the void, ready to see what's next. Instead: I was dragged back down to this fucking place. The real world. Oh well. Sometimes God / spirit / the universe / pure random chance has other plans...


So yeah, the whole "death" thing wasn't totally unknown to me, what was new, and what was really fucking with my head there, in the ER, at 30, with 5 minutes to go (tick ticking away), was: OK, I probably have just a little bit of life left here, how do I spend the few remaining minutes I have left? It's not like the shooting thing, where I didn't really believe I was gonna got shot and killed (even though others around me did). And it wasn't like the car accident, where I "knew" I was absolutely going to die (even though I didn't), and I only had 2 seconds. This was like the universe was telling me: OK bro, this is it, THIS IS WHERE WE SEE WHO YOU REALLY ARE, WHAT YOU'RE REALLY MADE OF. WHAT ARE YOUR PRIORITIES? WHO OR WHAT DO YOU HOLD MOST DEAR? 5 minutes. And then we put you under for a surgery that all the best doctors at NYU seem to think you probably won't survive.

By this time a second friend had come by, so now I had two people, the publicist and another girl (my on again off again fuck buddy, actually), a teacher and opera singer I'd known for a little while and who'd been trying to boyfriend me up, I wasn't really feeling her in quite that way but I still thought of her as one of my closest friends (who I had sex with occasionally...).

So here's what I did:

I mentioned I was a screenwriter, yes? Well, for about the previous 4 years I'd been working on ONE script, my big masterpiece, my "supreme work of art", that one piece of writing that said everything I'd wanted to say in the world... I probably killed about 5,000 hours putting it together, it was THE single thing in the world that I was most proud of, by far, I had only recently just finished it and we were right then in the process of trying to raise money to get the thing made, and I'll be damned if I was gonna die without my baby going out into the world and at least getting read, if not financed and ultimately produced (only a few friends had it read by then, the industry by and large didn't know about it yet).

So, two things:

I told both friends, right there by my bedside, everything I could about the script: where it was located on my computer's hard drive, any passwords they'd need to get to it, and then, most importantly, WHO TO GIVE IT TO IF ANYTHING HAPPENED TO ME. A number of industry contacts of mine needed to read this thing, and it was EXTREMELY IMPORTANT to me that I not die and just have it lost on my hard drive forever.

And then, secondly:

I called (and then texted) my then fiancee (who was currently over in Russia) and told her what was up (she knew I'd been having trouble breathing, so this wasn't all totally new to her): that I was about to be wheeled into surgery, that I might not make it, and that she should call me immediately, we needed to talk ASAP. (She DID call me, in fact, almost a week later... Like I said: didn't work out with that one...)

And that was it, I was out of time. With five minutes to go, I had my script, my big work of art, all taken care of. If I died, at least the work wouldn't be lost, and all the important people, the people necessary to getting the thing made (or at least looked at), they'd all be notified, they'd all get a copy. The work would have a shot at continuing on, living on, past my lifespan.

And I thought: huh, of all things I could have done, and all the people I could have called, and all the things I could have said, in five minutes, how interesting, for me, that the bulk of that time got spent taking care of the first and only screenplay I'd ever written.


So yeah, it was touch and go for a while there. No operation happened (thank God), right as they were wheeling me in another guy came down, a lab tech with a monitor (think it was an Ultrasound), they ran some more tests, and the lab tech guy was like "Look, let's see how much stress there is on the heart before we crack this guy's chest open." Head doctor: "If there's moderate to high stress, we're operating." Lab tech: "Hold on..." (checks results) "Looks like moderate stress." Head doctor (getting pissed, obviously wants to operate): "Well is it MODERATE STRESS or MODERATE TO HIGH STRESS??" Lab tech: "I'd say moderate."

And then the "team" was like well shit, maybe we have to wait a few hours then. The docs confer again. Half of them still want to operate anyway, even though, hilariously, they still don't think I'll make it. (Remember gents, doctors are like athletes, they get pumped up, and THEY ALL WANT TIME ON THE PLAYING FIELD. I can actually smell the adrenaline coming off them from like 10 feet away. They're anxious, ready to go. Like, let's crack this guy open already. I wanna try out this new procedure etc.)

After some more conferring they come back: they're going to put me on Heparin (a blood thinner) for a few hours, see if that does anything. If I improve, they'll re-evaluate. If I stay the same or get worse (most likely scenario), they're operating whether I like it or not. So I've been granted a reprieve. For now.


So I'm wheeled into the Intensive Care Unit (ICU), where I stay for 10 days. In and out of consciousness. On the second day, my mother shows up, materializes next to my bed. "What are you doing here?" I ask. "I told them not call you." (We're not terribly close, and the truth is I didn't want them to bother her if I WAS going to make it, and if I wasn't, I figured they'd contact her anyway.) My mother: "Yes, well, they called me. Said I had to come and collect the body." Me: "Well, I'm still here." Her: "Yep. I guess you are." And that was the extent of our conversation. (Like I said: not a close family, mine.)

Friends visited, other patients came and left. A rabbi was next to me for a bit, he heard my story and said "God loves you!! God must have big plans for you!!" I smiled and said "Yeah, I guess so..."


So here's the big question (or at least the beginning thereof, and I want you all to really think about this): what are you working on right now? A novel? Screenplay? Short story collection? Song? Album? Video game? App?

Think about how much of your life, right now, is physical, versus how much is digital.

All those photos you've taken over the years.

All that writing you've done.

All your emails (most of which probably aren't important, but maybe some are).

That poetry.

That app you're coding.

That business plan you're sketching out.

All that digital STUFF, your entire digital life (which, let's face it, is almost certainly everything IMPORTANT in your life, far more important than the few physical knick knacks you've accumulated over the years), what's going to happen to it all when you die? If I gave you five minutes, or hell, if I gave you 2 seconds, would you be ready to go? Are all your affairs in order? Or would you need more time to work things out? Make sure that all your digital stuff, your unfinished novel etc, was all set to go to the right people when you die?

Many of us--in fact, no, let's face it, ALL OF US--we all think we're gonna die at some distant point in the far future. If you're a guy and you're reading this, and if you're around my age (40), then you're probably thinking you're going to die at 86, in bed, surrounded by friends and loved ones, with PLENTY OF ADVANCE NOTICE. "I got 1 year to live! I got 6 months to live!" Whatever. Terminal cancer, you have a little time to get things together, put your house in order, etc.


And then: either you were smart, planned ahead, and made provisions, such that your finished but unpublished novel (or whatever) gets taken off your hard drive and passed onto your best friend, or you were NOT smart, did NOT make provisions, and all that beautiful work you created over the course of your life will be lost forever. Hard drive wiped, computer dumped.

As I said up above: a philosopher is someone who spends his life preparing for death. Let me amend that now: A MAN IS SOMEONE WHO SPENDS HIS LIFE PREPARING FOR DEATH. I've had a number of near death experiences now, I even spent 10 years looking into the phenomenon, traveling the world, visiting various thinktanks and research centers etc, talking with other people who've had NDEs (near death experiences). And you know who they all were? Soldiers who were shot in the field (and then, miraculously, recovered), and random middle-aged men who had heart attacks from out of nowhere. One guy almost drowned. Another had complications from what was supposed to be a routine surgery. BUT IN EVERY CASE: THERE WAS NO WARNING AT ALL. Just: "OhmyGodFUCKI'mdying!!" And then that was it. And the final thought everyone has is always, ALWAYS: "Wait! I'm not ready!! WAITWAITWAIT!! I'M NOT READY!!!!!!"

Gentlemen, you must see to your "house", to your digital life, to your art, to everything you've made and everything you hold dear. So that you ARE ready. Set up a system so that, if and when the time comes (and it will), you know that your works are taken care of, and will be passed onto your best friend (or whomever). That novel, that album, whatever it is, don't let it get lost should anything happen to you.

And for the love of God and all that is holy: if you live in America, GET FUCKING HEALTH INSURANCE. My hospital bill: $85,000. (Just for renting the bed and a little Heparin.) And I consider that a bargain. If they'd operated, it would have been millions. Take care of your health (obviously), but even if you are young and healthy GET HEALTH INSURANCE ANYWAY. It could very well save you a fortune down the line.

Any similar experiences, I'd love to hear about them in the comments. Share away.

[–]Endorsed ContributorUrsusG 470 points471 points  (40 children)

The scariest part of your story is how the U.S. health system makes people on the verge of death think twice about calling an ambulance.

[–]HuskerMedic 36 points37 points  (15 children)

My take is calling the ambulance wasn't necessarily about money, but time. In NYC, in the time it would take for an ambulance to get there, oftentimes you can have shoveled the person into a cab and have them to the hospital.

Nothing EMS is going to do for a blood clot, anyway, other than maybe some oxygen.

[–]SMGPthrowaway 19 points20 points  (13 children)

The Medic is correct.

That being said, they are also prohibitively expensive. I don't live in NYC but 2-3 mil for a surgery sounds... a little over the top. Maybe OP exaggerated for effect, but there's no doubting that the US Health system is too expensive for anyone short of the 1% to afford real medical care.

[–]NotProgramSupervisor 24 points25 points  (10 children)

2-3 mil for surgery

Jesus Christ, I'm in a European country if you call an ambulance and get any kind of surgery you don't pay a cent, you just sign shit. It's a national sanitary thing

Edit but you can still choose to get to a private hospital (better and expensive) instead to a national one

[–]yuube 10 points11 points  (2 children)

Our medical needs to be put in check, and not necessarily from universals healthcare. Our mass profit medical industry needs to have the reigns pulled in.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)


    [–]yuube 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    TBH one of our giant problems come from being the worlds police and spending such a high amount of taxes and allow countries in Europe to focus spending on themselves without having to defend themselves as much, we would be a super society if we could trust that Russia and China wouldn't be trying to fuck around if we stepped out of the scene, and change our focus of spending.

    [–]SMGPthrowaway 4 points5 points  (6 children)

    Like I said, I don't think it's that much. Working in the medical field the highest I've heard of is around $100K, which is still a ton of money but bit 2-3 mil.

    [–]NotProgramSupervisor 5 points6 points  (5 children)

    Got it, 100k it's still a lot man

    [–]SMGPthrowaway 2 points3 points  (4 children)

    Yeah it is. US medical system is insanely expensive and I'm not sure whether I should continue down the path of becoming surgeon with the way things are going.

    [–]NotProgramSupervisor 5 points6 points  (3 children)

    That's really wierd for me to understand. I always heard of this insurance thing on TV series and stuff. You are a citizen and you pay your taxes why wouldn't your government take care of you (if you can't afford it) ? In rare occasions did they really leave you.. to die or it's a tv thing

    [–]GC0W30 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    You are a citizen and you pay your taxes why wouldn't your government take care of you (if you can't afford it) ?

    The taxes don't (didn't) include that. Health insurance used to come for free or close to it along with any halfway-decent job. Co-pays were reasonable or non-existent.

    Medical care got more expensive, part-time jobs got more common, and more jobs stopped being able to provide free or cheap health insruance.

    In rare occasions did they really leave you.. to die or it's a tv thing

    You can always go to the ER and get medical care to save your life. The bill will sometimes bankrupt you if you don't have insurance.

    An issue with this is that you can be in substantial pain or need a surgery to save your life as a long-term need, and it won't happen, especially if you're not poor and eligible for grants.

    That being said, if you're in much of the world that has socialized medicine, they're not above leaving you in pain for months or YEARS while you're on a waiting list for a pain-relieving surgery. The NHS in the UK saves millions a year due to patients who die while on the waitlist for treatments.

    [–]NotProgramSupervisor 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    Thank you for the long response. Yeah I figured out the taxes don't include that.

    I'm unfamiliar with this system. I heard that Canada is like my country. That's not far from US, free health care or whataver it's called

    [–]GC0W30 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    I think the health care professional in the story was exaggerating the number to make the point that the cost was irrelevant to the patient when the alternative is death.

    [–]Dark_Shroud 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    That the price the "insurance price."

    Meaning its many times what it actually costs. But it inflated because the insurance company is not going to pay the full amount. They also pad the bill to cover the people who simply do not pay their bills.

    [–]S1ayer 19 points20 points  (10 children)

    Yeah, it sucks. I had two surgeries without healthcare. One for appendicitis and one to remove gallbladder. With the gallbladder, I thought I had a very bad ulcer. Took a ton of antacid and layed there in pain for 8 hours before I gave in. With my appendix, I took painkillers I had left over and waited 24 hours. About 20 hours in I actually started Googling options for people without healthcare and calling hospitals asking about payment programs. All while sitting there in pain with my appendix about to burst.

    [–]ioncloud9 6 points7 points  (2 children)

    Most hospitals if you tell them you are paying without insurance they will cut the bill substantially, over 50% usually. Its still bullshit.

    [–]S1ayer 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    I was lucky. They had a charity program where they help pay your bill. They paid it off both times. I still had to pay the doctors and anesthesiologist though. I have proper health insurance now with obamacare.

    [–]GC0W30 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Once I took my wife into the ER and in the course of 2 days she ran up a $20K bill.

    Lots of tests, no surgery, some fluids and a couple of medications resolved the issue.

    Once it ran through insurance, the bill was down to a negotiated rate of $1500.

    There is no other industry where your prices are that damned random and inconsistent.

    [–]marplaneit 16 points17 points  (6 children)

    For fucking god sake, I don't know why is so fucking expensive. Like anywhere in the rest of the world privated healthcare cost a fraction of US medical health care, and they are not stupid doctors from some stupid college, most of them did clerckships at TOP US hospitals...

    [–]ioncloud9 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    Anything "medical" costs 10x what normal stuff costs. A good pair of scissors might cost $10. "Medical" scissors costs $100. Plus all drugs here are more expensive than anywhere else in the world just because the drug companies know they can charge that much here. If you have a chronic issue like cancer, or you need non-life threatening major surgery, you are better off flying out of country to have it done. You will save yourself a fortune, even if you have insurance.

    [–]Disciple_of_Libertas 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    Crony capitalism at its finest.

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

    Demand for health care is inelastic. People here are able to pay more than in poor countries. Prices in most wealthy countries are limited by competition with a free or subsidized public health service, so that's why it seems like a uniquely American thing.

    [–]marplaneit 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    Mostly competition with subsidized public health service. I'm in a third world country but my family has a net worth well into the seven figure!

    You are also not more richer that a good part of Europe, or Canada! And I'm not talking your prices being 2x or 3x of other countries! I'm talking about the x15 to x30 when you earn only twice or three times as much.

    [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    You just said what I said, but in a way that makes it sound like you're disagreeing.

    [–]marplaneit 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I disagreed only in the part were you were far off richer than the rest of the world.

    [–]Returnofthemack3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    YEP. We need a single payer option

    [–]rockmasterflex 0 points1 point  (3 children)

    Not entirely accurate. Medical debt is a special case in the US. As long as effort is being made to pay it (you get bills over and over, throw $50 at em every time like it'd a no interest loan), you won't find yourself with repo men in ur house.

    There are other reasons you'd second guess an ambulance, like whether or not you really need one or u can drive, bit cost should never be one.

    [–]NightGod 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    Or, if you wait 7 years, all trace of the bill will be gone. As long as you can go 7 years without a major need for credit (and medical debt gets treated differently in that case, anyway), you can just walk on the bill and keep your head down. On top of that, many hospitals have charity programs to pay the bill outright for people who can't afford it.

    [–]Dark_Shroud 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    I believe its 10 years now.

    [–]NightGod 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Only if you file bankruptcy.

    [–]Spidertech500 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    That's what happens when you let the government crate Healthcare monopolies

    [–]mogmog 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    This also explains why there's so many people walking around sick in New York. They avoid seeking health care when they need it

    [–]Luckyluke23 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I live in aus it'a about 800 bucks to get one... ain't nobody got time for that!

    [–]smokecheck1976 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I wouldn't call an ambulance. I'm just too far out. If I call for law enforcement, the best response time they (actually he) will manage is about 30 minutes. If it were absolutely critical, I would have the air ambulance dispatched. Other than that, I would call emergency services and do what I needed to close the gap with them as fast as possible. The US is simply that large that even some fairly populated areas are quite remote. This is just a note that this isn't all about the health system as it is simple logistics. There is plenty to criticize about certain aspects of our system, some of the DME providers are nothing but thieves for example.

    [–]yomo86 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    The scariest part is: a cartel of doctors dictating prices. Heparin is a drug without any patents anymore, a bed including the services provided by the staff (average $ 50/h) is max 300 a day. Even if you pay those self-declared gods $ 3000/h (which is more than top lawyers, managers and the like) + equipment use it still does not come even close to 85.000.

    [–]1ozaku7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    This. And here I am, paying 100 bucks for health insurance, anything that happens to me covered. And the Dutch complain about the 350 euro they need to pay while the insurance covers the rest of the 100.000 euro bill.

    [–]NietzscheExplosion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I'm in Canada and I honestly thought the same thing, or this guy was Mexican or something. Ridiculous. Rebel immediately America.

    [–][deleted]  (7 children)


    [–][deleted] 32 points33 points  (1 child)

    Gash. That's an oldie but god damn a goodie.

    [–]TheVagWhisperer 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    You mean the entire male existence isn't defined by how many wounds they rip open? Couldn't agree more with you.

    [–]RolandTheDickslinger 28 points29 points  (2 children)

    A way of sharing your digital life should something happen to you is using Google Inactive Account Manager. Set it up so that it rings a few trusted people in your life. It's may even help them sort something out in court. Pretty underrated feature. (Not a replacement for a testament, obviously.)

    [–]1empatheticapathetic 19 points20 points  (0 children)

    I felt the whole post was an advert for a cloud service.

    [–]TehJimmyy 44 points45 points  (14 children)

    So i see betas doing women free favours(small things to big) from oblivion while they get to choose as well ( reject them )

    And on the other side i see women not giving a fuck about their dying man or dead man , since they move on in a blink of an eye.

    I swear this pill is so bitter than i expected.

    [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 17 points18 points  (7 children)

    Absolutely. My fiancee did not give a fuck, IN THE SLIGHTEST, that I almost died in the hospital. Took her a week to finally get around to calling me (from Russia). And when she did it was like "You're still coming over here to marry me, right? So I can get back into the US?" Didn't care about my condition at all. I was just a means to end (green card) for her.

    So yeah, like I said--didn't work out with that one.

    [–]1empatheticapathetic 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    That realisation was a blessing.

    [–]1v1mebruh 5 points6 points  (3 children)

    shit bro, im not religious, but maybe that was a higher power saving your ass from divorce rape. consider the $85K loss in medical bills pennies compared to the loss of your time and probably more money, plus the misery of being with her.

    [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children)

    It was absolutely higher guidance. I have no doubt about that. None. At all. Doctor came in near the end of my recovery and told me I couldn't fly for at least one year. I told him "Doc, I have a wedding to go to in like a few weeks." He tells me "Sorry, guess you're gonna have to tell your friend you can't make it." "No doc you don't understand" I say, "It's MY WEDDING!!"

    He takes a good long look at me, puts his hand on my shoulder, and says (I'll never forget this): "Maybe this is the universe's way of telling you you're not supposed to marry this person."

    Funniest thing is: I was actually in Russia like a month before, in Moscow--tried to marry my fiancee, and bring her back to the states. The authorities in Moscow actually WOULDN'T LET US GET MARRIED. Didn't believe we were a real couple. Finally they said "Come back in 2 months, if you still want to do it, we'll let you get married." (Guess they saw too many drunk American sailors coming in with Russian babes, who were using the Americans for greencards and a way out of Russia.)

    So yeah, I was all set to come back 2 months later and marry the woman (who I knew was cheating on me at the time, but goddamn it, I was gonna double down, TRIPLE down, on what a NICE GUY I was, show her how GREAT I could be, how much I was willing to SACRIFICE for her etc etc, and then, by golly, she'd see the light, and finally love me for who I was! Every Blue Pill fantasy, you name it, I was doing it.) But then the blood clot hit, knocked me out of action right before our "wedding" date (at the immigration office in Moscow or wherever it was), so I couldn't fly over to Moscow, thus no marriage, no cheating wife, and no divorce rape.

    Talk about dodging a bullet. Sometimes these seemingly terrible things that happen to us, they really are blessings in disguise...

    [–]Mayaparisatya 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    As a Russian, I can say that the common belief here at TRP that Russian/Ukrainian/Belorussian women (little difference in mentality, so I group them together) are different and better that in the USA or Europe is a big myth.

    We have the same gold diggers, Chad-type lovers, borderline shit, you name it. Even the feminist/sjw crap is slowly creeping in (mostly in the Internet, since IRL they are usually laughed at).

    The only major difference is that in Russia you have Caucasian dudes instead of your typical Black or Latino people (here in Russia Caucasian refers to immigrants from post-Soviet countries in the Caucasus region, and yes, they usually behave like ubermasculine Chads).

    Marriage laws are quite screwed up. A woman gets only 50% of 'property acquired while together', but provisions of a marriage contract can be rendered void if they restrict rights of a party (and usually it is a woman). If a child is born within 300 days after you divorce, you automatically become the father UNLESS you can prove it is not yours.

    Hell, mere 10-15 years ago courts did not use DNA paternity tests as evidence!

    And yes, more than 70% of judges in Russia are women (official statistics). Guess who is favored during divorce disputes.

    [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Yeah a lot of people warned me about Russian women in general (and my own Russian fiancee in particular) when we were about to get married, of course I ignored them all--well entrenched in my Blue Pill denial, I was oh-so-convinced that my special little snowflake was different. HAD to be different.

    Funniest bit is, after the blood clot put me in the hospital, thereby FORCING me to skip my own marriage ceremony (in Moscow), I knew something was up--that universe had other plans... Couldn't fly to Russia to bring my girl back so she had to get back to the States on her own steam. Finally made it back several months later, moved in, I tried to make it work with her for like a month or so but it was hopeless, she just wasn't into me, couldn't stop cheating (she was really into black rappers). I was a green card to her, a path to citizenship, nothing more. Finally broke up with her, she moved out--

    And a month later, I heard (through mutual friends): she married a black rapper (the "backup guy", obviously--or one of them, at any rate!).

    Even better: years later, I hear: black rapper guy didn't perform as expected, never got his big break (in music), so as soon as her citizenship came through, she filed for divorce the very next day. Upgraded to yet another, bigger, better, more successful black rapper dude.

    Back then I would have been like WHAT'S GOING ON HERE...??!! Now of course, post-TRP it's like: Dual Sexual Strategy, CHECK, Briffault, CHECK, Hypergamy, CHECK, CHECK, CHECK...

    [–]_fappycamper 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Write a screenplay about this story.

    [–]Ibex3D 29 points30 points  (3 children)

    To be fair, his two female friends really came through for him in this story.

    [–]SMGPthrowaway 34 points35 points  (0 children)

    Yeah it's almost like people can be shitty or good friends, no matter their gender.

    I'm not saying AWANLT but sometimes you just meet a shitty person and they happen to have a vagina.

    [–]rockmasterflex 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    Doesn't sound like he had any bros

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    what do you expect them to do? You are in their life to provide benefit and you no longer can do that (Briffault's law). Crying wont get them a new cash stream. Crying wont make you alive again.

    [–]1empatheticapathetic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    The behaviour honestly makes perfect sense. It's just we were deceived.

    [–]SisyphosOnTop 44 points45 points  (13 children)

    I like your writing style. Nice story and very intense read. But I don't agree with your conclusion.

    Instead of talking to the people you hold most dear in your life, you spend (or waste) your last minutes of your life saving your work. Is that what really matters for you in the end? That book you wrote? Or maybe that song? Damn, 5 minutes, gotta make sure that my inheritance goes to the right people. What good is it that your inheritance survives? Do you think 100 years from now anybody will give a shit about it? Or if your book was really really good, do you think anybody will read it in 1000 years? Maybe that are just different concepts of what is most important in life but for me it is the experiences I make and the people I surround myself with.

    And btw a philospher is not someone who 'prepares for death'. He is someone who thinks about how to live. What a life well spent is made of. Given your definition i.e. Epikur wasn't a philosopher because he wasn't concerned with death, at all: >“Death, therefore, the most awful of evils, is nothing to us, seeing that, when we are, death is not come, and, when death is come, we are not.”

    In the end, with 5 minutes to live, I would call my brother and those handfull of guys that are like brothers to me.

    [–]PanzerBatallion 18 points19 points  (2 children)

    Yep, the post actually reads like some kind of promo for his script.

    "Really, instead of calling people who give a fuck about you, you only cared about this script? Well, it must be pretty good, I guess I better read it...."

    You can't take it with you. Your work, your possessions, none of that matter. But one of the things that haunts you most in life as you age is the fact that there will be people you didn't get to say goodbye to. If I found out my friends or loved ones had the chance to say goodbye to me and didn't, it would leave me with no choice to conclude that they didn't really give a shit about me in the first place, and THAT would be what lives on from them. The memory that they were self centered douchebags until the end.

    All life is just a series of relationships.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)


      [–]PanzerBatallion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      The inactive google account thing should work the same, I believe you can set it up like a dead man's switch to send out emails to people if you don't access the account in a predetermined amount of time.

      [–]Snufek 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      And btw a philospher is not someone who 'prepares for death'.

      It's not his opinion, but Socrates'.

      [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 1 point2 points  (6 children)

      I was fortunate to be in a place where I was basically "good" with all the close people in my life. If there were amends that needed to be made, though, I MIGHT have made them (time allowing), but then, only after I made sure the script was secure first.

      You're right though: for YOU, personally, how you would have spent those last five minutes says a whole lot about you as a person. The fact that you would have called all your close buddies and told them how much they mean to you, I think that's awesome. That says what your priorities are. For me, hell, maybe it just means I didn't have that many super close friends at the time. (I actually had a few, I think, but like I said, we were basically "good" on all fronts, there wasn't anything terribly dramatic or interesting to say, there at the end.) What was most important, I thought, was making sure I didn't die without leaving anything worthwhile behind.

      For you that "worthwhile thing" might have been a conversation. For me it was the script. For others, maybe it's their photo collection with all their friends. For everyone it's different. But one thing's for sure, when you only have a little time left, what, exactly, that one important thing is, will become very clear very quickly.

      [–]watchthesnails 1 point2 points  (4 children)

      I'm curious if you ever looked into Stoicism, your views seem compatible with this philosophy.

      [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

      I haven't read up on it or studied it formally, but from what little I know of it (think I've read a post or two in the man-o-sphere summarizing the big points) I may be a "default" stoic (as are, I would argue, many of my fellow NDE survivors... After you've been close to the death process, your POV usually switches to "Don't waste time worrying about that which you have no control over").

      [–]watchthesnails 0 points1 point  (2 children)

      Right. I think we all develop some degree of stoicism naturally and you have obviously taken that very far. Learning through life experiences is the best way to learn. It wasn't exactly not worrying about external things, but in fact duty, that resonated with me when I read your post and comments and made me think of Stoicism. That you are obliged to be a social animal and contribute to society the best you can.

      [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      That you are obliged to be a social animal and contribute to society the best you can.

      Very true. As an artist I think one can't help but feel the same way.

      Any books / writers / philosophers you'd recommend re: getting started in Stoicism?

      [–]_fappycamper 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Everyone seems to know what they are gonna do when they are close to death until they are.

      [–]watchthesnails 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Some people focus on creating value through personal relationships. Others take a more holistic approach and target a broader audience, through media such as the internet. Neither approach is wrong. It is about the net value you create, not who receive that value.

      Now, you touch on an important point in your second last paragraph. What you are describing is essentially one of the key differences between two ancient philosophies, Stoicism and Zen Buddhism.


      Being a social animal and contributing to the world in some way or the other. A Stoic person would do as OP did, and like you would do. It doesn't matter that the work is lost eventually, or that people eventually forget you (consider your relationships as work in this case). As long as you did whatever was in your power to make the work as worthwhile as possible for the society as a whole, you did your duty as a virtuous man.

      Zen Buddhism

      Embracing the current moment and nothing else. The buddhist would likely meditate and come to some sort of realization. The realization could lead to laughter, or to making a few phone calls like the stoic would. He does not feel obliged to contribute to society, because society is ultimately an illusion, but he may choose to contribute anyway because that is in his nature.

      [–]saulisdating 10 points11 points  (3 children)

      Moral of the story - healthcare in the US SUUUUUUUCKS

      [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children)

      I've actually thought about going into politics (and I hate politics) JUST to push for free healthcare in the United States. Every other first world country on earth has free heathcare for all its citizens--EXCEPT the US. It's outrageous. But as long as big corporations are making tons of money on it NOT being free (and bribing, um, excuse me, LOBBYING our congressmen to keep it this way), things aren't likely to change anytime soon.

      The real kicker is that it's actually more expensive in the long run. I actually paid my medical bill (over the course of a year). THIS IS VERY RARE. Most people in my situation, they come to the ER with no health insurance, the doctors HAVE to treat them (docs have to save your life, they can't turn you away), the patient stays a few days, then leaves, AND DOESN'T PAY THEIR BILL (obviously, because they don't have $85K or whatever). So who pays the bill, ultimately? THE AMERICAN TAXPAYER.

      So you have a whole bunch of people that have medical issues which, if they could go to a doctor (for free) as soon as they develop symptoms, would get treated (and cured) right away. But they can't go for free, they can't afford it, so they wait, it gets worse, and then they end up in the ER. And then they don't pay their bill (because, again, they don't have that huge amount of money lying around). All us American tax payers pay.

      So yeah, we really, really need free healthcare for all in America.

      [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

      As someone who has come from a free healthcare country. Let me tell you that its not all that it's cracked up to be.

      Here's a typical experience to visit your GP. Either you walk in to the clinic and wait 3-4 hours for them to squeeze in 10 minutes with you (Antibiotics? Sure, RX. GTFO). or you make an appointment 1 month later, on their availability, you show up on time for your appointment and still wait 1 hour . They tell you "You can only see me about 1 thing per appointment, and no you cannot make 2-3 appointments". Thats just preventative.

      Now for hard things, there are waitlists. Wait for a CT scan, wait for an operation, wait wait, hopefully die before the op so the Gov't doesnt have to pay.

      My experience in the USA has been fantastic. Show up, they treat you great. It is $540 a month, but taxes are higher in other free healthcare countries. Yes I have copays, but is $4k (the maximum) really that much to be asked to pay if you get hit by a bus or ride into the ER for an operation?

      [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      I've heard about the long waits from other people who live in countries with free healthcare (Canada etc), obviously that's not ideal either. I'm not an expert on the subject (I wish I knew more, had more facts and numbers on hand) but surely there must be a better way, some kind of middle ground. Maybe: you pay out of pocket (a reasonable fee) to visit the doctor for "minor" things (that prescription for antibiotics, whatever), but for major things (you're hit by a bus, broken limbs, $500,000 hospital stay) the state takes care of it (or almost all of it, maybe you kick in a tiny bit).

      All I know right now is that this for-profit health industry thing is ridiculous. It's not a free market when you have no choice whether or not to buy the product or service being put in front of you (and when the doctor tells you, as I was told, "Well you don't have to pay, you can just die"--that's not much of a choice either).

      We don't pay for the police when they show up to our house, it's covered by our taxes. Same for the fire department etc. So why are we paying (this much) for healthcare? It doesn't make sense. (Well it does if you're the one making money off it, it doesn't if you're the typical tax paying American citizen).

      [–]1OneRedYear 57 points58 points  (3 children)

      Good post. Very adult. Probably too adult for some of the youngins here but as an old fart I take it as a valid wake up call. I want to make a feature film before I go. I'm editing a few shorts and some commercials to gather up money to do a trailer. This is my last shot as my health is fading and I won't physically be able to do this in 10 years. Now is the time for action!

      [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 8 points9 points  (2 children)

      Awesome to hear man. If you want to make a film GO MAKE THAT FILM. NOW. WHILE YOU STILL CAN. Life really is so much shorter than we think it's going to be.

      [–]sd4c 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      So what happened to your film?

      [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Still trying to get it made. Still much interest, stay tuned.

      [–]thrway1312 55 points56 points  (3 children)

      Quarter of the way through my immediate thought was "get to the fucking point"; brevity is the essence of wit.

      [–]Karmelion 28 points29 points  (1 child)

      The whole thing seemed a bit narcissistic really.

      [–]thrway1312 21 points22 points  (0 children)

      No way, someone on their deathbed worrying about a screenplay has an ego to stroke? GTFO

      [–]FluffyWof 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      Yeah. This is probably the main reason why the OP is a struggling screenwriter. OP: not every word you write is precious, every one could do with trimming the fat on their writing.

      [–]Affini7y 6 points7 points  (2 children)

      My brother I want to thank you for this, and I am thanking you with ever fiber of my damn being. This hit home like you wouldn't fucking believe. I was literally in the ER for five days less than a week ago with a situation just like yours. It was getting harder and harder to breathe, doctors would run all kinds of tests yet couldn't find anything. I didn't have health insurance either initially, so by the time I did the symptoms were so bad I was forced to leave my job. What they eventually found was something called epiditimitis, something where sperm gets blocked and can't flow, serious shit. I'm only 27, mind you. I was a beer delivery driver, they thought the cause might have been heavy lifting and not getting it checked out on time. Anyway, I'm taking it easy now, doing light exercise, and seeing some specialists next week. So again sir, I thank you. This brought me to tears. Value the fuck out of your lives gentlemen, and for God's sake, get health insurance.

      [–]A_Cheeky_Fuck 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      How is sperm related to breathing?

      [–]1empatheticapathetic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I've had epidytitimus many times. What's that got to do with breathing?

      [–]SlowWing 15 points16 points  (0 children)

      Only in the US can posts lik this happen aye...

      [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      You choose a dvd for tonight

      [–]1RXRob 2 points3 points  (2 children)

      Not five minutes, but I thought I was having a stroke at the same age. Luckily it was just Bell's Palsy.

      I dumped the girlfriend who was a net negative on my life. I changed jobs to something with more sociable hours. I started to learn how to professionally wrestle after being a lifelong fan. I got fit and healthy.

      I'd recommend a health scare to any man.

      [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      I'd recommend a health scare to any man.

      Definitely puts things in perspective ("Life's too short to put up with this shit" etc). My fiancee who was cheating on me at the time--she didn't last too long once she came back to the States, after my little stint in the hospital.

      [–]1RXRob 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Damn right.

      Financially I'd never been in a better place.

      Emotionally, physically and spiritually I was broken.

      Nowadays I'd be able to find happiness living in a council bedsit.

      [–]Luckyluke23 2 points3 points  (2 children)

      this is pretty fucked up and an eye opener man.

      I feel like it's pretty sad that I can get my life in order in 5 mins.

      like I'd just make 3 phone calls to the fam and that's it. divide the shit I have up amongst a few people. then sit there and wait.

      would probs have to play some Bob Dylan before i got though.

      [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      On the contrary, I think the fact that you can get it together so quickly means you're on the right track.

      I was kinda surprised that, after I handled the "succession" of my script, and called my then fiancee, I felt pretty much done with everything. (And knowing what I know now, I would have skipped the call to the fiancee.) Ideally, I'd like to be at a place where, if someone were to point a gun at me, and say "You have 2 seconds, then I'm gonna kill you", I'd be like "Go ahead, pull the trigger, my affairs are all in order."

      Now obviously, I want to live as long as possible, accomplish as much as I can, see and experience as much as I can etc, but yeah, the more plot threads you have wrapped up (in the movie of your life), the easier I think it is, when you finally see the end coming.

      We all want to live longer, there's no getting around that. Trick is to keep everything in your life handled / cleaned up AS YOU GO. Then when the end comes (and hits you by surprise, from out of nowhere) you're OK with it when it happens.

      [–]AvengerSentinel 8 points9 points  (0 children)

      Excellent fucking post.

      There's a novel I've been working on for the past year and half. If I had five minutes left to live....I'd give a few close friends/family members access to my email accounts/cell phones where I have all the contents stored.

      [–]SheepDogM24 2 points3 points  (4 children)

      Incredible story, what happened to the script?

      [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 4 points5 points  (3 children)

      May still get made one day. Every 6 months or so a producer comes around asking about it. Just not the time right now (in Hollywood) for original material, it's all Star Wars / Marvel etc. But we're still hopeful. Netflix, Amazon, Hulu etc, all changing the game. We shall see...

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)


        [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Probably gonna skip the crowdfunding route but do have some finance people that may be interested. Hollywood's out--if you wanna get a film done these days, and it's an original piece of material, you need to finance it yourself (which is to say, through a few rich friends).

        [–]recursoinominado 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Awesome post, made me put things in perspective. All the things I put off, all those plans, all the useless bullshit that I worry about.

        [–]A_Cheeky_Fuck 2 points3 points  (6 children)

        How could the doctors not realize you have a blood clot? I mean I'm sure it's uncommon in young people, but it seems like the barrage of tests they done would've covered this at some point.

        [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 3 points4 points  (3 children)

        Shocking, I know. I asked the same thing many, MANY times. "How could you ALL have missed this?" Fact is medicine is very much just throwing random darts and seeing what hits. Unless you're physically cut and bleeding, or have an obvious broken bone etc, if there's something wrong "on the inside", it's very much a guessing game, and doctors often only know slightly more than you do (these days, with the Internet, you might actually know MORE than they do, if you've done a little research).

        They just saw a 30 year old who looked and seemed healthy, but who claimed he couldn't breathe very well. Didn't even occur to them I might have a clot (since that's more of an "old person" thing). It took my friend's sister (a doctor) to finally put it together (from my symptoms) and call it out correctly, if not for her I might be dead now (since my friend wouldn't have dragged me to the ER when she did, I might not have gone, and thus could very well have died in my home that night or the next day).

        There's a lot that can go wrong with the body, and doctors, when they see and hear symptoms, are really just making random, semi-educated guesses as to what it might be. Even with all the fancy gadgets and high tech toys they have at their disposal.

        [–]follow_that_rabbit 1 point2 points  (2 children)

        these days, with the Internet, you might actually know MORE than they do, if you've done a little research

        you're obviously joking either you don't know what you are talking about

        [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        I've been in plenty of situations, many times, in which I knew more about my current condition than the doctor did at the time I saw him, simply because I did a quick google search and spent 5 minutes looking around.

        Recent example: had a physical, doc says blood came back, I have a kidney problem, a major one in fact, my kidneys aren't working at optimal levels. We're gonna monitor and see what's up. I say Hmm, that's odd, is it because I'm eating more protein, lifting weights? Yep, that must be it he says, too many protein shakes, it's killing your kidneys. But doc, I say, I'm eating my body weight in protein grams every day, that's nothing, tons of people do this all the time, no problems. Nope, he says, gotta cut back, no more protein.

        So I hit the Internet, do some research (2 min), turns out: if you take creatine (which I do, a common supplement many lifters take) you will have creatine in your blood (obviously). If you have kidney problems YOU WILL ALSO HAVE MORE CREATINE IN YOUR BLOOD. See what happened here?

        I go back to the doc: Hey doc!! Did 2 seconds of research: did you think I might have kidney problems because of my elevated creatine level? Yes, he says, that's it. Well doc, did you consider that it's MAYBE BECAUSE I'M TAKING CREATINE EVERY DAY?? Nope, he says, didn't think about that. In that case, you're all good.

        I mean, Jesus fucking Christ, right?

        So yeah, do your research. Always. As much as you can. I'm not saying docs are stupid, obviously. But I AM saying that, because their training is very WIDE (they must be able to clock hundreds, thousands of symptoms), it is also not very DEEP. Anyone who's been through med school and is a practicing physician will tell you the exact same thing.

        You are ultimately responsible for your own health, not them. And yes, many times your "knowledge" will exceed theirs, just because you have more experience, and have done more research on your one particular issue, than they have.

        Witness: NYC's "best pulmonologist", who misdiagnosed me as having "Adult Onset Asthma", rather than a life-threatening blood clot. Say no more.

        [–]follow_that_rabbit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        You like to write a lot, i get it. But basically you said that from a personal point of view and your personal experience, what is written on the internet is more trustworthy than anything a trained physician says. Do you know that anybody can write anything on the internet, right? Generally it's ok but when we talk about personal health it's NOT ok at all. Go ask some other doctor or do other tests if you don't trust one opinion. Just don't say and advocate that internet > physicians just because of your personal history. It's an ignorant, arrogant and rather dangerous statement.

        [–]Captain_Sorbo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Same thing happen to me. A sonagram was needed.

        [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Doctors are primarily trained in diagnosing common problems that lead to the most profit, such as diabetes, cancer, and depression. It isn't a trillion dollar industry for nothing.

        [–]deltadawn6 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        As someone that has almost died - a couple times - I have thought about this as well.....the digital life and how much of our "stuff" is on our devices. I don't think anyone would know where to look to find anything. Your post was a helpful reminder to make a freaking plan and get my "house" in order. Thank you. My story? The first time was when I was 17/18 and got super sick my uvula (the little dangely party in the back of your throat) swole up so much I couldn't breath - and then upon going to the hospital finding out I was allergic to morphine....The 2nd time was when I was 23 - driving back from lunch break when I was working....for some reason ran off the road, hit a telephone pole, flew down a hill, flipping over in a ditch and catching on fire....Now luckily the find people that were eating at a Taco Bell across the street ran over and used a fire extinguisher to keep the flames off me until EMS arrived - so I am not burned - but I was trapped inside the car and it took 45 min for them to saw me out taking the roof off finally. My blood pressure was non existent. After the local hospital said they couldn't help me beyond what they did - I was heliported to Standford - where they operated on my for hours and induced a medical coma. I woke up in the ICU - paranoid out of my gourd wanting to leave the hospital - but the left side of my body was crushed, my arm, my entire left leg, 3 places in my pelvis, I gash on my torso, a gash on the back of my head, broken finger, jacked up feet. I was a mess - but alive. I had nerve damage and didn't know if I would have use of my left hand anymore (I am left handed) - also was told I may never walk again or have children. After 6 months of intense physical therapy I regained the use of everything. As I look at the calendar I realize its been 14 years and I'm still kicking. No one knows what caused the accident and I do not recall anything besides waking up in the car screaming for my life and passing out - then waking up in the hospital...having this entire experience has definitely changed my perspective on so much. NDE - I did not see god, or any light or angels or anything. (for those that are curious)

        [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Damn, and I thought I had a tough time waking up in the ER with a broken neck! Sounds like you went through hell man--glad you made it, and are here to tell the tale.

        Re: doctors--you know, they kinda fucking suck sometimes, don't they? Every doc that saw me was like "Yeah, you're gonna be chained to this bed for life." I was like "Fuck you, I'm gonna be walking in a few months, you'll see." Granted it took a little while, but I got there. Chained to the bed for a few months, then sitting up for a few months, wiggling around, then slowly getting out of bed, inching down the hallway... Eventually I learned to walk again and now I'm fine. But those doctors, Jesus, whatever happened to bedside manner? Maybe they're just so jaded with all the shit they've seen, they're like "Sorry bro, you're fucked, just telling it like it is." Thank God my attitude was different, I was just like "No, you're wrong, stop talking." And I got about the business of making myself better.

        But yeah, you have to wonder, how many people COULD have gotten better, but when the docs told them "This is it, you're screwed for life" they just kind of mentally gave up and wound up lying in a bed forever after.

        We preach "attitude" quite a bit here on TRP (confident, positive attitude--whether it be picking up women, going for that job, lifting that weight etc), but this is doubly true when it comes to physically healing your body. ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING.

        [–]RICCIedm 2 points3 points  (3 children)

        "All that digital STUFF, your entire digital life (which, let's face it, is almost certainly everything IMPORTANT in your life, far more important than the few physical knick knacks you've accumulated over the years)"

        Sure, each person's values are different.

        But focusing your life in something else other than YOU seems unfulfilling.

        You don't need to achieve nothing. You are what you ARE, not what you do, did, say, have.

        lmao @ health insurance

        [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Indeed, everyone's values are different. Point was that, with 5 minutes to go, you will absolutely know, at that time, what your values really are.

        For me it was my script.

        For others it might be making things right with their estranged dad.

        Others, maybe it's their dog.

        But one thing's for sure, when the clock is running out, you WILL know.

        (That, and I still absolutely believe people need to do a better job of making sure their digital lives are saved and passed on when they die.)

        [–]kinklianekoff 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        What you ARE is inconsequental to the world around you, both before and after your death. No great men in history WAS intrinsically great. Sure, introspection, values, frame matter to you personally and is important insofar as they affect what you do.

        This is just semantics, but it's worth repeating. Value is created by action, not thoughts.

        [–]RICCIedm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        again, those are YOUR values

        Who are the great men you are talking about? Napoleon? Tesla? I don't agree. But I admire this fella I met one day, on a highway corn store. He had some cool stories.

        [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        This is probably the song he was referring to if you're interested: https://youtu.be/cHYvVqtnz8Y

        Reminds me of the time I totaled my car. I hit a deer and spun out on the highway at about 80mph hitting the concrete median 5-6 times kinda like a stone skipping on a pond. Song playing on my stereo: https://youtu.be/qNnsrlvpAvI "Shadows on the road". I'll never forget that.

        [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Well damn, that brought back some memories. I don't even know if I've heard that track since, in the past 10 years.

        It's crazy, isn't it, how certain songs get forever tied to the big moments in our lives.

        [–]Senior Endorsed ContributorVasiliyZaitzev 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        For guys who are borderline broke or whatever, but not poor enough for medicare, you can always look at getting a "catastrophic" policy that will cover you When Really Seriously WRONG Shit Happens.

        I spent most of my 20s with no health insurance and that was that. I paid cash for my one doctor visit - it turns out that doctor bills are "negotiable" if you pay in cash, and then had insurance again when I was 30 and every day since.

        [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Absolutely. Knowing what I know now, if I could do it over again I would have looked into insurance that's basically "ER visits only". I rarely went to the doctor otherwise, and on those few occasions when I did it was always "I have a sinus infection, give me an antibiotic" etc, super basic stuff. I'd be fine paying out of pocket for that (a walk-in clinic visit might be, say, $50, and then the drugs are another $20 or whatever). It's the ER visits that really get you.

        So yeah, if there are younger guys reading this, and you're generally healthy and don't need to visit the doc too often, and you can't currently afford health insurance in America, look into getting a cheaper plan that covers you for ER visits (like anything $20K and above). You may never need it, but man, if something happens, you'll be glad you have it.

        Example: friend of mine back in NYC, well off guy, inherited several hundred grand from his family, was chillin', actually thought he HAD health insurance (but didn't--turns out when his company got bought by another company they dropped him without notifying him), guy slipped on an ice patch one day, fell and broke his hip. Had to pay for hospital, rehab etc all out of pocket. Wiped out his entire fortune in just a few months. All that money, gone.



        [–]LidlKwark 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        900 bucks for health insurance and 40K for ER visits? Fuck that.

        Thanks for sharing.

        [–]frozengiblet 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        Dude, I'm half way through, and wondering if you lived?

        [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Maybe it's like the Sixth Sense: I've been dead all this time and just don't know it.

        (Oh yeah, spoiler alert.)

        [–]-Universe- 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        So what happened to the script?

        [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Still out there, still have producers inquiring. Trying to get it done on the cheap (which is becoming easier and easier with each passing year, as the tech gets better). Will see.

        [–]1ozaku7 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        Sometimes it's good to just sit down, close your eyes, and think about your life. The value of life, and how you are ruining it with some petty problems like a parking ticket you got, or a shitty boss, believing "you have no other option" but to work there.

        I've done this a few times, and once I was so convinced that anything in life is just ridiculous to think twice about, I had the best week in my entire life. I felt free and amazing with every breath I took.

        [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Meditation does wonders for this, for a change in perspective.

        [–]Firestreak123 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        good read. Not sure why you're getting backlash for it being long. Then don't fucking read it if it's long.

        Only near death experience I had if you call it one was I was working a phone store one night when 3 guys came in armed and robbed it. One guy had a gun on me and told me to keep looking down. I remember thinking "wow, this is it. I had a good life. "

        So you're right it can come at any moment and you don't know. It's odd how we wake up and go about our routines daily thinking we're invincible. Then one day you look back and go woah wtf where did all the time go. Your own mortality becomes more apparent.

        When my grandma passed away at 88 years old (I believe the age), she was surrounded by her loved ones. My mom said she had a beautiful death but I initially didn't understand that. Aren't we all going to die leaving full lives surrounded by our loved ones at old age?

        So I get what you mean.

        Life is weird because I think we all mix up happiness with the dopamine rush you get when you bust a nut, sell one of your products, do something cool for the first time, etc.

        I could be wrong but I'm starting to come to terms with those feelings just being momentary spurts and true happiness is just the content of the daily routine. You look around and you're healthy, have food water a place to live. And just nod like alright, life's good man. Somewhere along those lines is happiness

        [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Held up at gunpoint?? Damn, that'd be near enough for me. But yeah, very few people can really appreciate, I think, just how seemingly random and out of nowhere the end of your physical life can come. Like: you're cruising merrily along, had a good day, got some work done, gonna go see a movie tonight--and then suddenly it's like, oh, there's a car that ran a red light, he's about to hit me, I'm gonna die in about one second. Or: oh, I don't know what's wrong, I suddenly can't breathe, am I having a heart attack? I'm too young!! I think I'm about to die...!! And that's it.

        People who have these experiences but then somehow manage to skate through them, and live to tell the tale--your perspective is definitely reset. Climbing the corporate ladder, making money, ambition for its own sake, these things usually end up taking a backseat. It becomes more about the quality of your relationships with the people you love and respect in your life, how you affect them (in a positive way), and what you're going to leave behind you on this earth after you die (not to say that making money is a bad thing, far from it, just that most NDE survivors I know who pursued money for its own sake ended up dropping back, taking LESS money for less work, and pursuing more of an overall "quality of life" thing rather than "Let's see how much money I can hoard" etc).

        We're definitely a generation of thrill seekers, no doubt about it. Much of this sub is about seeking the next thrill, the next big thing. Fucked an 8 last week, gotta fuck a 9 this week! Made $100K last year, gotta make a mill this year!! And so on. I think it's great to have goals, and if there are certain benchmarks people want to hit, more power to them. What I think so many fail to realize, though, is that hitting these goals will not bring any lasting long-term happiness. In fact, quite the opposite.

        I lost a lot of weight several years ago (about 60 pounds), did it for a girl initially (should do a post about that some time), girl didn't work out at any rate (once a beta, always a beta--in a girl's mind, doesn't matter how much weight you lose or how much money you make later on, the initial imprint can never be changed), but I remember stepping on that scale one day, after several months of hard dieting and exercise, I'd finally hit (and surpassed) my goal weight, and it was like: that's it? That's all there is? Why don't I feel happy? Why am I not elated?? It was just a digital number on a screen. Big deal. I actually felt kind of sad, that the process was over. You know when I felt real happiness? That first initial week, when I lost my first several pounds for the first time. The journey had just begun. It was all so new and exciting. It was all out in front of me. I HAD DISCOVERED SOMETHING NEW. But after that, it was just tedious. And when I finally got there, I didn't really care anymore.

        So yeah, for me, it's very much far more about enjoying the journey, now, about setting up my daily routine to be as enjoyable as possible, than it is hitting any sort of grand benchmarks in life. Do work you love, spend time with your friends, that sort of thing. Life will pass quicker than you think. And as the cliche goes: no one who was about to die ever said "Gee, I wish I'd spent more time at the office..."

        [–]TheRedCherd 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        Wow. Was the screenplay just a big hype before you die, or did you end up making it?

        [–]blackedoutfast 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        great post man!

        i've been in a few of those "whoa i'm about to die right now" situations and this is a pretty good description. death will come for every one of us, but you really won't see it coming until he gets there.

        relating to health insurance, one thing that a lot of people don't understand is that one of the biggest reasons for health insurance isn't that they will pay your bills. all of those prices you get charged when you go to the hospital aren't fixed. and when you have insurance paying, the insurance company will negotiate your bill down to a much lowrr price.

        the hospitals know it's a negotiation, so they start out by trying to charge ridiculously high $$ for everything. that's why you hear such insanely high prices for everything. for an uninsured person paying out of pocket, it's theoretically possible to negotiate lower prices, but very difficult because you just don't have the same information or clout as an insurance company who does it thousands of times a day.

        i had to spend a few days in the hospital for surgery a few years ago and the bills were ridiculous. it would have been several hundred thousand if i was paying out of pocket. my insurance didn't pay several hundred thousand, they negotiated down to about $25k total and then paid that (with my copay %). just as an example the first bill had a charge of $34,000 for "miscellaneous expenses" - which apparently was mostly the shitty hospital food. the insurance company said that was too high and said it should only be $20, not $20,000, the hospital started at $34,000 and then accepted a $20 counteroffer from the insurance company.

        [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Yeah I learned a lot about how the whole "negotiate your medical bills" thing works--far too late, unfortunately. I'd paid off the bulk of the first round of medical bills, when the second round came in about 6 months later (the hospital will trickle out your bills, rather than hitting you with them all at once, lest you file bankruptcy in an attempt to get out of paying anything. So you think you're pretty much done with it all and then suddenly WHAM!!--another mountain of bills hits you like a week later). As the second round came in, I was like Fuck this, and, at the same time, happened to bump into a woman whose job it was to negotiate medical bills.

        On every bill there is a number, like a code, designating what the bill is for ("Code 904" or whatever). Medical bill negotiators can look up this code, in a special binder of medical services, and see what the service actually was. So for example: one of my random bills was "Code 501 (or whatever the number was): $904". The woman looked up the code and told me "Yeah, that bill is for when the nurse came in, looked at your chart on the wall for 2 seconds, and then left. That's what 501 means." I couldn't believe it. So many of the bills I'd been receiving (and had already paid off, AT FACE VALUE, WITHOUT NEGOTIATING, were all ridiculously high. (A lot of them were just nurses glancing at charts, apparently, for a couple grand a hit.)

        It's a pity I didn't know any better earlier on, and didn't have anyone fighting for me from the outset. When I got the first round of bills I managed to negotiate it down SLIGHTLY, but that was it. The hospital didn't really same to care, they were like "This is the price, take it or leave it. You're getting billed this amount whether you like it or not." Later on, I might have saved a few dollars with the second round of bills, but yeah, the way the whole system is set up to just absolutely fuck you from the start, it's crazy. You're trying to heal, to get better, to get on with your life, and then there's all this financial bullshit piled on top you have to deal with. No wonder so many people just say Fuck it and don't pay at all.

        [–]Marcus1138 0 points1 point  (3 children)

        Jesus fucking christ, I knew healthcare was expensive in the US, but 85k for that and millions for a single operation? God damn.

        Glad you made it man, and thanks for sharing this. As a photographer and programmer, everything's on the computer, and you've really driven home the need to care for that work.

        [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

        I have a few photographer friends (lot of guys do it as a side thing out here in LA), and I always implore all of them, all the time: BACK UP ALL YOUR WORK. BOTH ONLINE AND ON ITS OWN SEPARATE PHYSICAL EXTERNAL HARD DRIVE. Make sure that if anything ever happens to you, that separate physical external hard drive (with everything you've ever shot on it) ends up in the right hands, so your photos aren't lost to time.

        [–]Marcus1138 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        Absolutely this. Just got serious about back-up recently after a virus scare that thank god didn't lose me any images. Now they're on the computer, on a disconnected HDD, and on a cloud storage provider. Same with any writing and code I have, just can't afford to take chances.

        [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Awesome man, good job, great to hear. Never take chances with your work, your data. All it takes is one crash to wipe out everything--and it can all be avoided so easily with routine backup. Wish more people would pay heed and get on this.

        [–]_fappycamper 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        Great story. I love your writing style.

        [–]nadolny7 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        ok holy shit I remember you talking somewhere about that russian girl who called a week later after you said you were sick or something like that... but I would never have thought you had such a great story to tell of the whole incident!

        [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Takeaway: watch out for Russian women--when it comes to the sexual marketplace, they're mercenary. (Well, you could argue that ALL women are mercenary when it comes to the SMP, that's Red Pill 101, but Russians, somehow, seem to take it to a whole new level, they're absolutely ruthless.)

        [–]ice_cream_sandwiches 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Thank you for your story. It's good to get some real perspective now and then.

        [–]_JustASnowFlake_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        My old man said that if everything he did could help just one person out of their hell, he would have done his job.

        He has helped many including me with sharing of knowledge of life and accepting everything is what it is.

        Death for me is my last fear to... Overcome. Having dreams of my death (twice in one night) can really freak a man out. And like you said, "I was not ready" was a thought that made me fight myself awake.

        Maybe we are meant to fight death (biologically), and accepting death is a human construct... I'm still searching for the right information.

        And with you sharing this, you have opened my eyes to what I need to do. I need to figure out what it is that made me think I am not ready for death.... I currently do not know what that is yet.

        Meditation might help.

        So from a man to another man, thank you for helping open my eyes.

        [–]Domida 3 points4 points  (4 children)

        Honestly, this was painful to read. The american healthcare system is so completely fucked up. It's 2017 in a western society where almost anything is possible and yet barbaric instincts still get in the way. One of my few gripes with america.

        [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

        Totally agree. And the worst part, they're actually attempting to change the laws now, wherein you can no longer file bankruptcy to get out of paying medical bills.

        Think about that: something totally random happens, you get sick, end up in the ER, they can charge you whatever they want, $5M, $10M, doesn't matter, and if you're thinking "Well I'll just file bankruptcy to get around it" they're like "Nope! Sorry! Not allowed! WE'RE JUST GONNA TAKE EVERYTHING YOU MAKE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE."

        It really is modern day slavery.

        Not sure if that law passed or not but quite a few lawyers I talked to a few years ago brought it up.

        [–]Domida 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        It's an extreme case of bad capitalism. They'll try their best to squeeze every last penny out of you to fund their multimillion dollar company (and for what?). Makes me appreciate living in the UK.

        [–]Mayaparisatya 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        I remembered another sad story about US medical care.

        I used to communicate with a jeweler from Florida who made several custom pieces for me and my closest bro friends (these guys helped me a lot in my life and I wanted to give them something special for their birthdays).

        Last time I googled his name, I ended up reading his obituary and a failed attempt to crowdfund his care started by his son.

        The man had some kind of a colon disease which after a while required a surgery. He did not have insurance, and was sent home after surgery (that was a major wtf moment for me). They could not pay the insane bills, and since he was the only person earning money in the family, things went downhill after that.

        You can find his story if you google his name, Mark Defrates. It should be somewhere on the first results page.

        [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        American healthcare is fucking fucked up. There's a lot I love about this country (and I've lived and traveled all over the world--as critical as I often am about the States, it could be so much worse, compared to some of what I've seen out there), but the fact is, we're absolutely behind the rest of the world on this one, we all KNOW we're behind, and yet, there seems to be very little we can do about it.

        As long as a few very rich people can get just a little bit richer, the system is unlikely to change. Ironic, since this may be the very thing that ends up killing America in the long run. Like a cancer that eats its host, but then ends up dying (in effect killing itself) when its host dies.

        [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        fuck, this hit me hard. i need to find a church

        [–]PM_ME_UR_NIPS_GURL 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        We live fast and die young; death reminds us that we need to slow down.

        [–]cashmoney_x 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        So you also remembered that post a few weeks back about the screenplay......

        [–]Didiathon 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        When/where was the school shooting?

        [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Early 90s. The school was called Simon's Rock.

        [–]1DubbleFUPAwitCheez 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        Odd, I would think that on the brink of death there would be a moment of clarity. I surmised that at the moment before death the last gift you receive is total honesty. At that point there would be no reason for any of the lies we tell ourselves. I'd like to think that at the end we get a glimpse of who we actually are but you didn't mention anything like that. Maybe it just never crossed your mind but it would be disappointing if it didnt happen.

        [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I think the big takeaway from the whole "Wow, I'm about to die" thing is that crystal clear realization that: you are NOT the hero of the movie, you're just a background actor, and if you get taken out of the picture, THE MOVIE WILL CONTINUE ON WITHOUT YOU. The world won't stop turning just because you aren't there.

        Sounds kind of obvious when I put it like that, but it's really true, you feel it in your bones: like, damn, I'm just one guy, one person amongst billions, my life means very little. I'm a grain of sand on the beach. That's it. Nothing more. Just a little blip in the cosmos.

        In a way this can be terrifying, because then it's like Jesus, I could die at any moment, a few friends would be sad for a few days, AND THAT'S IT. You realize that your life really doesn't have that much consequence in the grand scheme of things.

        But then, at the same time, you also realize, how free you really are. You don't HAVE to be stuck in that dead end job. You don't HAVE to put up with that bullshit relationship. You're totally free to go wherever, do whatever...

        It's quite a gift, then, when you look at it like that.

        [–]TomHicks 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        So what happened to that screenplay?

        [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        It's a low budget indie drama (think Bergman etc), almost had $5M cobbled together at one point to get the thing made but then the financing fell through (very typical in Hollywood--movies almost come together, then don't, then almost come together again, then don't, for years on end).

        We may still get it made at some point but the Hollywood market for specs (original material) is very tough these days--if you're not doing Star Wars or Marvel it basically ain't gonna happen (unless you pay for the shoot yourself). Looking at doing it super cheap (like under a mill), we shall see.

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Just to add if anyone depends on your income, wife, children, business partner, or plan on getting a wife or kids in the future you need to get life insurance before you get sick and can't qualify to get any. Term insurance is super cheap. I have a 20 year policy 400k for only $26/month.

        [–][deleted]  (1 child)


        [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Damn man, sorry to hear that.

        Hospital sent me home too early as well. Didn't have health insurance, so in situations like that they're like "Get this guy out of here ASAP"... Wasn't feeling fully tip top but the docs assured me I was all good, ready to take on the world etc. I stumbled out of there, took it easy for a bit, and then a week later (stupidly) climbed a single flight of stairs. Almost fainted. Felt like I was having a heart attack, like I was dying. Called the ambulance, back to the ER.

        Only stayed a day the second time (and that was another $15K or whatever added to my medical bill) but yeah, one thing I've learned: docs aren't really into healing you all the way, just enough to keep you from dying right there in front of them. Once you're basically stabilized out you go, then you're on your own.

        [–]Adeus_Ayrton 0 points1 point  (2 children)

        So for how much did you sue all those prior doctors for ?

        [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        The pulmonologist who misdiagnosed me actually came to visit me in the ICU. I didn't contact him, one of the docs working my case must have tracked him down somehow. Guy just came in, looked at me lying there, shook his head and left. I could tell he felt bad but of course there was nothing he could do at that point.

        Talked to lawyers about having the docs I saw (before visiting the hospital) pick up my tab, thought their malpractice insurance would have covered that. Nope. In America, if you can't afford health insurance you pay out of pocket, the price is whatever they ask (which is to say, whatever they think you can afford), and if they botch the job, too bad, you still pay anyway.

        [–]Ontop1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I make my art for me. If some of it does live on after I'm gone I'm happy with that but I'll be dead so that won't matter a bit.

        [–]Ontop1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        If your art is good lots of people will care for it and you won't even have to ask.

        [–]RealityBitesU 0 points1 point  (2 children)

        Too long. Didn't read.

        The fact that you were near death does not grant your opinions the imprimatur of legitimacy. The opposite, actually. Maybe lead with why you are worth listening to.

        [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        I actually like reading longer posts--they stick with me more than the shorter ones do. Much like 2-hour movies tend to stick with me more than 30-second commercials.

        I know we're all about the "Just hit us with your 4-point bullet list and get the fuck out" schtick around here, but honestly, those types of posts, to me they always smack of shiny, over-produced bubblegum pop, like a Katy Perry song. I like the longer stuff, that meanders around bit. The unpolished garage album with the long guitar solos.

        Someone posted a long-ish story on here just a few days back, read the whole thing, loved it. Really hit home. (Guy spent 2,800 hours in Skyrim, goddamn...) I guarantee I'll remember that guy and his tale (of woe) long after I've forgotten the other ten 2-paragraph posts I read that day.

        Obviously I don't want to encourage more BAD writing but if someone's got something to say and thinks it's gonna take more than a few bullet points to say it my opinion is: by all means, share away. Spill your guts. I wanna read. It's not like we're killing any trees around here.

        By the way, I think it's pretty awesome that someone told you "I was near death, and it made me rethink absolutely everything I thought I knew about life--here's what I learned..." and you're like "Nah man, that looks like a dozen whole paragraphs of text!! If you can't condense your whole philosophy of life down to like 2 sentences, or better yet, a bumper sticker, well then I just can't be bothered..."

        Says more about you than me, no?

        [–]mismm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Well this was certainly a post I did not want to read at 3 am. Guess I'll stay up tonight.

        [–]RedBikerMouse 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        Haven't finished reading the post but from what the blanket term doctors keep telling me when their ego is too bloated to admit they don't know is "you have stress and anxiety", and that's only when I'm lucky enough to avoid the "it's all in your head" bullshit.

        I bet more than half of them wanted to became doctors for the social proof alone and not because they genuinely enjoy troubleshooting and diagnosing patients.

        [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        It's partly the way the whole healthcare system is set up. It's a for-profit enterprise, and there's no money to be made in preventive care. The system makes its money off of sick people, not healthy people. So ideally you're just a little bit sick, and taking their drugs to fend of symptoms, ALL THE TIME.

        I know doctors, and a lot of them (most I'd say) got into it because they want to help people. Usually they knew somebody (a friend, a family member) who was a doctor, and this person inspired the next one to go into medicine. But then you actually get there, work the crazy hours, see how insane the whole thing is, and it becomes more about: "Just get this person stabilized and get him out of here, get him home." They do just enough so that you don't actually die right in front of them, and then off you go.

        In a way it's hard to blame them: if you're the guy complaining of chest pains, and then suddenly some other guy comes in, and he's bleeding out from a gunshot wound, they're gonna run to the second guy, you're on your own. Problem is there's ALWAYS a guy coming in with a gunshot wound (or whatever). Too many patients, not enough doctors to go around. So care suffers as a result.

        [–][deleted]  (4 children)


        [–][deleted]  (3 children)


          [–]NietzscheExplosion 0 points1 point  (2 children)

          If the wait at ER is long for you, chances are you shouldn't have been there. I'd rather wait for a doctor an extra 1/2hr or hr, than be a slave to Health Insurance.

          [–][deleted]  (1 child)


            [–]NietzscheExplosion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

            A new hip is Day surgery in Alberta. The waiting list for that doesn't really exist. This certainly varies A LOT by province, since we are each different countries for all intents and purposes.

            Move out of an Immigrant province.

            [–]NotNormal2 -2 points-1 points  (3 children)

            USA sucks. Fuvking fascist government spends trillions killing people around the world, we got crumbling infrastructure and century old lead water pipes, but no money for universal health insurance.

            Edit: The Federal Reserve created 29 Trilllion dollars out of thin air to bailout loan to the banks. 29 trillion. think about it. http://www.cnbc.com/id/45674390

            [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

            That's what's so tragic about the US. "We can't AFFORD to give everyone free health insurance!!" (Even though it's actually far cheaper in the long run.)

            Then the economy collapses.

            "Oh look we found 2 trillion dollars just lying around. Here you go banks!! Take all you need! And if you need more just let us know!!"

            Give me a fucking break.

            [–]bomko -2 points-1 points  (2 children)

            i must say that im dissapointed in this post as much as i can be and will also sound pretty harsh on you but since you are posting here i hope you can handle some criticism.
            It was a long fucking post that had no flow in it, most of the things seemed like from those comercials on how to get a girl as i will tell you in a minute but first let me talk for a 10 more minutes about how i will tell you how to get a girlfriend in a minute. And then you said you are a screenwritter and i was even more disappointed because id at least expect to make such a long post interesting but as i said it had no flow, story didnt want me to keep going on i just wanted to know what your "revelation" was (altho it was nothing unexpected) and substories only made it more frustrating to read. Instead of building the momentum you keep ruining it on behalf of the length so the dramatic finale (what you discovered) was just meh.

            [–]A_Cheeky_Fuck 5 points6 points  (1 child)

            Dude you can barely use punctuation. Shut the fuck up.

            [–]bomko -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

            so what? im no writer neither is english my first language. But if thats a good post from someone that wants to make a living by writting then excuse me for holding those people to higher standards. So fuck me right for pointing out flaws that higher number of people should recognize

            [–]yallapapi -1 points0 points  (0 children)

            Great sorry. You're an excellent writer

            [–]nowaste -1 points0 points  (1 child)

            Where's the script at??? I wanna see your opus! I have an almost exact same cliff story, but vodka instead of drugs. It's crazy how you time just slows down to a crawl and you instantly accept that this is how you're going to die and it's just beyond peaceful. I remember the only two things heard as we crested was the engine over revving and me chuckling and saying "heh heh, cool"

            [–]Pomandres 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            Mine was sleep deprivation believe it or not.

            [–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

            Great post, a lot of lessons learned. My takeaway is to spend time with people, places, and activitiesI that are important, creations be damned. But that's my takeaway. Also - with more than 85 in debt, have you ever thought of filing for Chapter 11? Lots of stigma on that one, but it's not even half as bad as you think in terns of stigma and the ability to limit you. PM me if you like and I'll guide you.

            [–]charlotteplusplus -1 points0 points  (0 children)

            To the guys who love to say AWALT, he was saved by his neighbour and his friend, who both happened to be women.

            So AWANLT, there are bad men who love to beat their wives and kids, and bad women who are gold diggers.

            [–]reddit_sucks3 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

            Your friend didn't crash the car because he ate too many hallucinogens, he crashed the car because he was a fucking idiot.

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