Red Pill TheoryApproach Anxiety: Faint Heart Never Fucked Fair Lady (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by Senior Endorsed ContributorVasiliyZaitzev

So you see a girl you want to bang. What do you do? Think ”There’s a girl who wants to meet me,” and Confidently walk over and introduce yourself? Or make up excuses, pussy out, and then tell yourself that “The Moment Wasn’t Right”. Because Confidence gets her number, and ‘The Moment Wasn’t Right’ rides the bus home and jacks off.

Faint Heart Never Fucked Fair Lady

-From “The Sayings of Chairman Zaitzev”

What happens if she tells you she has a boyfriend? What happens if she yells, “NO!” at you? What happens if she’s bitchy after a bad day?

Nothing. That’s what happens. Nothing. And that’s not even the worst thing that can happen.

If she rejects you, simply say “Ok” and move on. If she’s really obnoxious it’s ok to say, ”I apologize; I mistook you for a lady,” and turn on your heel and withdraw. It will leave her sputtering. But only do this if she has it coming.

Women expect to be approached. They hope for it. Maybe not by you, but, yes, maybe by you. There is only one way to find out. Societal expectations are actually on your side in this. Why don’t you? Because you are AFRAID? Afraid of what? Some half-naked creature that’s half your size? Approach, chat her up, and be clear about your intentions. If she wants to be your friend, that’s fine, but it’s a rejection, so move on. You were fine before, and you will be fine after. Don’t worry about it.

So what is the worst thing that can happen?

”Hope is a Powerful Drug.”

-From “The Sayings of Chairman Zaitzev”

The worst thing that can happen is that you do not make your move, and become her “gay bff”, only you’re not gay. You want to bang, but she has ‘no idea’. Probably she has some idea, but some women don’t. You say nothing, but you are definitely doing the ‘boyfriend audition’ in the HOPE that she somehow Figures.It.Out. That someday, after fucking her way through every thug, barfly, every Outlaw Biker and Escaped Mental Patient, after you’ve picked up the shattered pieces of her heart and, tenderly, put them back together for her, that she will finally “realize” how “right” the two of you are together. And then, all those nights of being her emotional tampon, the times you took her to the VD clinic for chlamydia and gonorrhea, the times you canceled on your buds because “she needed you” will finally be worth it. Or not.

You see, the worst thing that can happen to you is this: You become a “Nice Guy”. What, you think she’s going to say, Pull out your ‘Nice Guy’ Card! Today you have EARNED that 10th stamp and I’m FINALLY going to be able to give you All The Sex You Deserve!”

Not gonna happen. And even if it did, if you had even a shred of self-respect, you wouldn’t want it by then.

Look. If you want to get ripped, you have to Lift. If you want to learn guitar, you have to practice every day. If you want to get good at approaching women without fear, you have to approach women. And sometimes you will fail. And sometimes they will be polite, and sometimes they will be spoiled, entitled little bitches. And something else will happen: you will get numbers.

Now go forth and slay!

TL;DR: Faint Heart Never Fucked Fair Lady

[–][deleted] 92 points93 points  (12 children)

Its worth reminding ourselves that escalating is necessary because getting rejected means nothing as you say.

Not escalating leads to the actual worst case scenario where you become her emotional tampon/friend that she uses.

[–]McLarenX 53 points54 points  (9 children)

Escalate and any time she tries to talk about her problems, talk about the great things you have going on in your life and things you're looking forward to. Learned that from one of my friends who is sadly now a bitch.

[–][deleted] 39 points40 points  (4 children)

Know what? I used to struggle with women complaining all the time..it deflated me as I felt responsible to fix shit

I learned to stop caring and it worked pretty good but I never thought to insta-reflect back my awesomeness. If done in a slightly cocky way it shows a nice touch of narcissism which women find very exciting

Ill try it soon.

[–]McLarenX 31 points32 points  (0 children)

This motherfucker would do it in any aspect of his life. If someone got sick, and started complaining, he'd simply state: "I have a really good immune system, I don't get sick. I actually feel really good today." Very good way to get negative people out of your life, because if they can't get the attention they want for their suffering then they won't come back.

Another famous response to whining "You'll be alright." and then change the subject. I have no idea how this guy turned out the way he did, the shit he would say is gold.

[–]harsha_hs 12 points13 points  (2 children)

Gold right here. During my beta days, I used to think I become awesome by fixing all of her shit. That's why whenever she whined, I felt responsible to fix it up. This results in reduction in her attraction towards you.

Its a whole blue pill conditioning that women reward 'sex' to men when men fix up all their problems

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

That conditioning made you a willing slave. Enjoy the rest of your life, its yours and yours alone

[–]harsha_hs 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks, I see that its beautiful.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (1 child)

That is excellent spin. I'll try it too. Sorry your buddy is a bitch, because this is solid advice. Agreed that the touch of narcissism is exciting to women.

[–]McLarenX 9 points10 points  (0 children)

They love to hear about your goals and shit you're working towards, and saying it out loud is good affirmation to yourself.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Story of my life. If I can get to first base, I'm making it home. It's the early escalation which is oddly much harder.

[–]bigkids 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You can't really blame them, if a guy never tells, shows or hints that he wants to bang her, not every girl is a mind reader.

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorVasiliyZaitzev[S] 34 points35 points  (11 children)

For guys without experience, you can use any interaction as a chance to practice "opening" (as the PUAs call it). Even if you don't really have any interest in the girl you're talking to.

Ex. I came out of the supermarket a couple of days ago. I had been busy all day and did a run over about an hour before it closed. There are two cars in the lot. A young woman who had come out 30 seconds before me was walking around my car admiring it. So I clicked on my "unlock" remote, which made her jump. She said something about being confused about which car was hers -- this is only believable if you can mistake a black Porsche for a blue Ford, but I let it go and said something funny about it, like maybe me, too, and she laughed. Now, I am already having a convo with her and if I want to pursue it (I didn't), it would have been perfectly natural. You can apply this over time, and it will build your skill. I had the chick at Chipotle laughing -- I had come in at an off-hour and I was the only person in line--and by the time were were at the end of the bar, she had comped my meal. $12 stays in my pocket. If I wanted her number, that would have been the time to ask for it. Treat every interaction as a learning experience.

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

And for those Killing the Beta like myself, it's extremely helpful to open constantly without intent. Like going for happy hour, sit down and start shooting the breeze immediately with whoever is there. Makes opening later easier, social proof, etc. Of course I work from my apartment, so by happy hour I'm looking for social interaction!

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (3 children)

I love catch and release. Keeps me sharp and helps with abundance mentality.

And...women are dreaded by any competition.

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorVasiliyZaitzev[S] 21 points22 points  (2 children)

Yep. It's important that smell fish on you, so they understand that you can still catch fish ... so they can act right.

[–]draketton 13 points14 points  (5 children)

Porsche = gold digger magnet.

Never give your real name or contact info to a girl who likes your porsche. Never bring her to your place.

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorVasiliyZaitzev[S] 11 points12 points  (3 children)

Porsche = gold digger magnet.

At this point in my life, I trust myself to be able to weed out gold diggers.

Never give your real name or contact info to a girl who likes your porsche. Never bring her to your place.

Remember, I'm an older guy. Old enough not to believe in "true love". Being successful is actually part of my game, because at my age if you aren't successful, then something went wrong.

Aside from that, even if I was dressed like Joe College or Joe Average or Joe Nobody, girls can smell success on you. /shrugs

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 3 points4 points  (2 children)

What are your other obvious status displays you reckon are most important? Apartment? Suit? Watch? My money goes in savings and travels and if I really must show off a bit more, I'd like to know what's actually relevant.

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorVasiliyZaitzev[S] 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Write this down: CONFIDENCE. 100%, Balls Out, "I can't be beat" Confidence.

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can invest in that one sure enough

[–]harsha_hs 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Nothing like that. Money is attraction for every girl out there. Not every girl who likes your expensive stuff is a gold digger

[–]McLarenX 66 points67 points  (15 children)

If you stop jacking off completely your brain will go into primal mode and the need to fuck will outweigh any fears you may have. Trust me on this, I tried going 90 days without any form of sexuality and had a sort of out of body experience where I woke up cumming on some chick. You'd be surprised just how primitive our brains really are.

[–]Dookiestain_LaFlair 58 points59 points  (3 children)

Sounds like you blacked out and raped some poor girl

[–]ZodiacK9 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm in the middle of class trying to hold off my laugh lmao

[–]hunteeer 11 points12 points  (1 child)

This just killed my libido totally when I tried 60 days. The need for sex builds up and anxiety and stress also. Biggest problem is anxiety staying in place or even increasing after your sex drive crashed to absolute zero.

[–]McLarenX 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Longer than 30 i don't reccomend. I believe I went 60 and when i did have sex, i was slightly limp dicked and came after 2 pumps. I'd say after 40 days or so, just bite the bullet and rub one out.

[–]LuvBeer 22 points23 points  (2 children)

meh, I did 2 wks nofap and expected the pickups to do themselves..it's not quite that simple, you still have to actually approach. But that reptile need makes it way easier

[–]McLarenX 21 points22 points  (1 child)

2 weeks is not enough, I didn't notice the effects until day 30

[–]RedDeadlift 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Agreed. I did a few 2 week stints without a noticeable difference. Then finally committed to ~30 days and noticed the DNGAF was more than I ever felt.

[–]Boovs4life 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I found that after 30 days my balls started hurting like hell. Not sure if this is normal

[–]McLarenX 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Balls hurting could mean a number of things. Too much built up jizz or your sperm/test production going up it down

[–]hahayeahthatscool 0 points1 point  (1 child)

How do I condition myself to do that when my animalistic brain is fully aware all my suffering can end with a quick jerk? If I get an uncontrollable urge to nut, why would I go to the trouble of getting laid when some lotion is enough to get it out of my system?

[–]McLarenX 0 points1 point  (0 children)

its a paradox: delaying gratification causes discomfort, but the regret of not doing so causes discomfort as well

[–]clavabot 20 points21 points  (5 children)

I really need to stop consuming posts like this and I need to take action. I have a few rsd products #torrents, watched infield and read theory, but I cant seem to make myself talk to the cute girl in class, or on the bus and it bothers the hell out of me, i feel so fucking lonely, because I keep choosing to not take action. Buy you are right being a bitch never gets you anything, better to shit your pants then die of constipation.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Man, I don't know if that was original, but you cracked me up. Between this post and one other that was posted yesterday on TRP by /u/beachbloke, everything that needs to be known is known and only action awaits.

I take a lot of heart in the fact that women are a lagging indicator of success. Good luck!

edit: and /u/noreactionsafe had an excellent one today too. I'd say the recent purge helped improve quality around here, although I did get a one week ban I deserved lol.

[–]clavabot 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Glad to make u laugh m8. I try to keep it 1hunna.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

"Thus conscience does make cowards of us all

And thus the native hue of resolution

Is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought,

And enterprises of great pith and moment

With this regard their currents turn awry,

And lose the name of action"

Shakespeare wrote that 415 years ago, and it still holds true now. Overanalysis and too much thought can paralyze you from making the decision you know is right.

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorVasiliyZaitzev[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Or, put another way, "Strike while the woman is hot!"

[–]Imarobot2 31 points32 points  (7 children)

"There’s a girl who wants to meet me."

Love this line. Puts you in a great mindset, i.e., the prize.

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorVasiliyZaitzev[S] 40 points41 points  (6 children)

Sometimes, for shits and giggles, when I am operating at Level 99 DGAF, I will flat out say, "I came over because I knew you wanted to meet me." It has to be the right situation, but when you pull it off it is funny as fuck, and the effect is dramatic.

Something dudes need to understand: women punish fear and they reward boldness. If a girl goes off on me for saying that, it wasn't going to happen anyway. Similarly, when in doubt, say, on a question, I say whatever the most sexist thing I can think of. Think I'm wrong? I'm not. How do I know? Because if I was, we would be inhabiting some other universe where orbiters and Nice GuysTM got all the pussy.....

[–]mrnaizguy 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I also like making fun of her in every opportunity in a joking way. You can also say sime really rude stuff just make sure you've got your player smirk right while saying that. Simply don't take her serious and treat her like a dumb little child in conversation. Works wonders.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (3 children)

I don't think a girl has ever given me shit for saying racist or sexist stuff.

Shit I always make racist remarks to this Mexican chick who flirts with me a lot and she went to the women's march in DC to protest Trump and "his racism".

It really never fails to surprise me the stuff chicks seem to put up with guys saying.

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorVasiliyZaitzev[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Well, what I meant was, it has to come off as condescending or teasing. IOW, it should advance your game with the girl. Not sure it works with racist stuff. Unless, of course, you're dealing with a racist chick.

There's actually a theory that says that white racism is driven by white women. Status with women is driven by what men want; status in society is driven by what women want. Plus, if you look at things historically, the British went everywhere and white British men were perfectly happy to shack up with whatever shade of tawny the local vag came in; as soon as white British women showed up, that went away. An Indian buddy of mine who is something of a history scholar confirmed that last bit for me.

I've also worked with a shit ton of guys from different cultures and backgrounds, and usually race & class and shit drop away very quickly and the measure becomes what your skill set is and if you're a reliable guy, hard worker, etc., within the group.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Oh yeah, I'm not actually racist or sexist, but when I make fun of her heritage and give her shit for being Mexican she's never gotten angry or anything. Same with this dumb Asian chick in my science class.

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorVasiliyZaitzev[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah, ok. I do think you have to be more careful with it, though. It's highly contextual.

[–]leftenant_t 23 points24 points  (1 child)

You are my favourite dude here in TRP. I could read your shit every day if you wrote.

[–]rp_newdawn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Many of us agree with you. Lots of lessons to be learned

[–]sizzlingseveral 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Recently, I was hitting on this girl. She rejected my advances, claiming to have feelings for another guy she knew. No big deal, I get on with my day. Later, I realized that two years ago, I would've stuck around and tried to change her mind. Now though, I'm too busy to waste very much time on a chick that's not interested. Feels good to have made progress.

[–]OptiLaSeR 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Amen ! I don't like my pua friends who just keep going on and on and on even if the girl is not interested. Like they would magically convert the girl. If there is no vibe from the girl after 5 mins , just fuck off and hit on the other girl.

[–]sizzlingseveral 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yea, I know guys like that. Sometimes it works for them, sometimes not, but if you're gonna be wasting that much time on a chick, you might as well just pay her, it'd end up being cheaper in the long run.

[–]bduxbellorum 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This also describes how I have gotten every job, research position, or professional advancement in my life. Fuck fear.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Judo helps this some, for me. I mean, every time I bow to a partner and start randori (free sparring), I am going up against an intelligent and physically fit individual who will try to throw, pin, choke, or armbar me, and they know how. Approaching a woman will rarely have similar consequences.

[–]hbPUA 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I used to Boulder a lot (indoor rock climbing). And found it hilarious that I could spend hours working on a difficult problem. Yet found approaching a girl I didn't know "scary".

Once I started with brazillian jiu-jitsu. Approaching girls got a lot easier.

[–]rp_newdawn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Approach girls at the climbing gym. It's ridiculously easy

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (9 children)

How do you make sure you don't become her "bff" and make sure you come off as boyfriend material? I'm a teen and not very experienced with this.

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorVasiliyZaitzev[S] 14 points15 points  (4 children)

You escalate. Make your intentions known.

Girls can be very clueless about us, too. A lot of them don't really get it that we pretty much always want to bang them. I tell girls I know that the best thing they can do is treat us all like we're autistic. There.Is.No.Subtext. Whatever the simplest explanation is for something is going to be correct.

Ex1. I was unbuttoning a girls shirt once. Her: "What are you doing?" Me: "Taking off your shirt. Is that a trick question?" She let me keep going.

Ex2. Similar situation, college hookup. Her: "What are you doing?" Me: "Trying to bang you."

[–]harsha_hs 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Some people may think, these lines are too good to work. Try and you'll be surprised!

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorVasiliyZaitzev[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Usually they think they're too dumb to work, but I did bang both of those chicks. It was a form of LMR I think. They didn't really want to discourage me too much.

[–]harsha_hs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes. I also had similar experience. IDGAF is key, they put out and then open up very well.

[–]BlackVale 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I notice that if a girl isn't feeling you she will either back out of tour personal space or have an awkward smile/laugh. Any other thing I should look out for?

[–]bduxbellorum 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Outside structural answer: Show her you want to get in her pants. Casual physical contact, flirting, get in her personal space and make sure she knows you're there and you're male. Don't treat these actions as weird, be confident, like it's the most right thing in the world, and if you see she gets uncomfortable around you, great, she gets it.

Lack of confidence is the main reason she will push you away once she gets it. Don't act faster than your confidence. Your confidence will build as you try new ways of being around her, and your understanding of what to do will improve.

[–]i4mn30 2 points3 points  (1 child)

You have to give off the "I want to fuck" vibe. Not the "oh no I just want to get to know you because you're a snowflake and no I'm not a dirty tosser who only thinks about sex all the time"

Sex is as much an important need as any other, and don't let chicks make you feel otherwise.

[–]MrAnderzon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How do you put off that vibe

[–]rp_newdawn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mark Manson has a good point on this. The goal is to ESCALATE to polarize a woman. All woman fall into three groups; ripe for the taking, completely unavailable, or on the fence. The point of polarization is to eliminate the unavailable and convert some of the fence sitters. Don't waste time with uninterested and uninteresting girls.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What a coincidence. Thats something that I definitely have. As I have said many times, I am a very shy person at times. Especially when there is a girl i really like, like I might want to talk to her. But I immediately start thinking what ifs. Like what if she says no, or something like that.

I mean heres as an example, this girl said she had liked me for such a long time, but got really upset because no matter what she did to try and get me to realize that she was really interested in me, I always seemed to seem so un-interested in her and gave off the vibe that I didn't like her, and was mad at her for some reason. Also that I confused her, because if i liked her so much, i think she said I wasn't flirting with her enough and some other stuff. If only she knew that wasn't the case at all, in fact I did really like her, and wanted to get to know her and be maybe eventually be her boyfriend. We shall see what transpires with the girl. If shes meant to be my girlfriend, I'm sure the universe will make it happen.

Another situation that transpired was this girl just finally came up to me, and was like I know you like me, and I like you and you're hot so give me your number. Such a tiny little girl with so much courage. She was just like I really need to stop being so shy, and that since I obviously wasn't going to ask for her number, that one of us had to it at some point. SO she decided to approach me, and get my number.

I dont know, I mean I'm working on it. However before I approach a girl I need her to make it somewhat obvious she is interested in from a sexual standpoint. Hint at it, something to let me know that she wants me to come talk to her, and that she likes me. Ive realized most girls are going to want the guy to be the one to approach them first. Some girls will do everything in their power so you know they are interested in being your girlfriend and probably want to fuck. However you have to have the courage to go up to these girls.

Like Ive said, if a girl makes it very obvious she is interested in me from a sexual/maybe wants to be my girlfriend standpoint, I will go talk to her. I know of one girl right now that might want that. So ill take this advice and go talk to her, and we will see what happens. I dont know if she is hispanic, white, or middle eastern though. She looks hispanic but I'm not sure. Another girl who is white and kindve pretty, this person I work with asked me if I was dating anybody, and I'm not at the moment. Could be a coincidence. I chalk alot of things up to coincidence.

I am going to try though, and whichever one of these girls agrees that she wants to be my girlfriend or get to know me so she can be my girlfriend eventually. That is who I will go with. We shall see.

Any advice is much appreciated, at least on what I should look for as far as girl maybe hinting that she likes me and wants to talk to me. Im fairly oblivious.

[–]agentsmolder 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I absolutely love these posts. Although I do go out solo on the weekends, I still haven't been able to find my stride for a solo night. The mind is slow to assimilate the truths of approach anxiety.

Thanks for the post OP, hope you keep them coming!

[–]ecosci 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This needs to be explained right all men need to learn female nature especially nice guys it will keep men from being upset,angry,and confused instead being a selfish uncaring bastard gets the panties wet but whos gonna tell the truth?not many in this beta society.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Approaching becomes a lot easier when you keep it simple, esp. in a day game setting. Small talk about weather, asking what book she may be reading or just randomly saying what's on your mind while in the grocery line to the girl in front of you will take you places you never expected to go.

[–]Hurgurka -4 points-3 points  (2 children)

If she rejects you, simply say “Ok” and move on. If she’s really obnoxious it’s ok to say, ”I apologize; I mistook you for a lady,” and turn on your heel and withdraw.

Jesus Christ this place has really gone to shit. She's gonna laugh behind your back and tell her friends that you're a sad sorry excuse for an autist.

[–]newName543456 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Why exactly do you care what some random girl you may never see again will tell her friends?

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorVasiliyZaitzev[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

She's gonna laugh behind your back

And you give a shit why?

and tell her friends that you're a sad sorry excuse for an autist.

Actually, what an autist would do would be to completely over focus on a minor point and lose his shit.

The point of what I said to say was this: by that time, the house is on fire, and it's time to get the fuck out. The best way to get the fuck out is FAST and before you say or something stupid that makes the situation worse.