"Act like you dont want it and they'll give it to you for free" (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by [deleted]

This is something that my Dad told me when I was going through my first break up around 5 years ago.

At the time, I was devastated. The girl I loved just broke my heart and I was begging and pleading for her to stay.

I still cringe at the lame shit I did and said afterwards. I was a complete pussy. 5he two biggest things I've learned from that experience are:

  1. You cant negotiate attraction.

It was over. My behavior was weak and she wanted out. My feelings were completely irrelevant to how she felt about me.

  1. Act like you dont want it and they'll give it to you for free.

    This is a lesson I learned after talking about it with my dad. He was a pimp in his own right. (he had me when he was 19 and my mom was 18, divorced, moved on).

Do you know what women want and need? Attention. They need eyes on them. They need validation. Thats why they wear scantily clad clothes, dance on tables, cant get off social media, and wild out. They're trying to get you to validate them and pay attention.

What happens if you dont? Youre doing your own thing, having a good time, you look good, and they're not a priority- your attention has a higher value to it than the shmuck who likes every picture and is attached to their hip.

Suddenly, you're different. The hamster starts to spin its wheel, "oh he must have pussy already, am i not hot enough, why doesnt this guy act like the others?"

Like a used car salesman they start slashing the price as you walk off the lot. It starts at 10k but now hes trying to give it to you for 7k and a warranty. Still not interested? Make it 6.

What used to cost time, dates, attention, and money now costs a lot less-just your game and value.

Now she is the one who is trying to get you and the tables have turned. You're the seller and shes the buyer. In the words of pook, you are the prize.

Act like you dont want it and they'll give it to you for free.

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 238 points239 points  (21 children)

Like a used car salesman they start slashing the price as you walk off the lot. It starts at 10k but now hes trying to give it to you for 7k and a warranty. Still not interested? Make it 6.

Unless there's another customer entering the lot and in deer need of a car immediately.

This means your advice works, but only if they want you or can't have someone else. Game can be summarized as (1) maxing out your SMV to generate as much attraction as possible and then (2) subtly adjusting your apparent interest in her depending on her interest in you.

[–]GrabHerByThePEPE 151 points152 points  (6 children)

Monumental issue. OP's post is more accurately summarized as "make sure she is more invested in you than you are in her," a Trp hallmark. Step one is getting her actually invested. Being uninterested in a hot girl stranger looks an awful lot like 'another beta too scared to approach' to her.

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 60 points61 points  (4 children)


Despite all the "sperg" in its over-analyzed approach, I like Mystery's M3 model because it breaks down the principles of Game to its essential components & shed some light on the human mating dance.

In M3, your only display of interest, at first, is that you come talk to her. But then you neg the shit out of her to show disinterest WHILE display high value to her and her friends. Being interested in a girl doesn't make her interested in you. Being high value does. Actually it's being higher value than her that does (Hypergamy 101). And being disinterested in her makes it look like you're higher value. Only later on, when she is attracted and showing interest in you do you send her scraps of interest her way, in order to build investment, but always less than her as you say.

So yeah, OP's point is a great one: Showing disinterest is important, and that's the point of Neg theory. But it doesn't work by itself. Showing value is most important. Showing disinterest ontop of value (and only in the time window after opening/approach and before she starts showing interest) will help lots. After she shows interest, it becomes a matter of showing yours, in small bites, as a reward for hers.

But yeah again, over-analysing it all will hurt your Game. Better keeping it simpler: show value always, and a bit of disinterest at first.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (3 children)

Do you have a reference for the M3? One that breaks the model down in further detail. I'm unfamiliar with it and would like to learn more about it.

[–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Google "Mystery Method". It's seduction 101.

Just replace Mystery's canned routines with actual interesting stories from your life, and you're on your way.

Don't have any interesting stories? Then go out and live some.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

This. Mystery gets a bad rap. you shouldn't literally copy his exact routines.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It was great, kept me from being MGTOW back in the day. the 3 phases was a great framework, a little inner game and it goes well

[–]DailyManliness 25 points26 points  (11 children)

Yeah so what if someone walks in needing the car? They're gonna overpay and the salesman is gonna think "what a sucker, that other guy knew what was up" I don't know why you're being upvoted, you basically just summarized AF/BB. In the future the salesman will know he needs to work harder for the first guy and that the second guy will take anything. Your post could be very useful but it's only useful when noted with "never be the sucker who overpays, you deserve the best deal, not the other way around"

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 23 points24 points  (4 children)

Don't over-analyse the comparison. A car saleseman has several cars to sell, a girl looks for only one man. A car salesman will try to get you to pay as much as possible for what he has to sell, a girl might just want to fuck you if your SMV is high enough.

My post was only to point out that walking away (or faking doing it) from a deal only works if the other one needs the deal. Just like if you're standing in a corner of a bar trying hard to look cool and not talking to anyone in an attempt to "act like you don't want it" won't get you anywhere if you don't give a girl a reason to chase you in the first place.

[–]NotMyBestEffort 3 points4 points  (1 child)

A car salesman Always gets to deal with someone who walked on to the car lot with the intent of looking at cars... meaning the buyer is at the 2k disadvantage that makes dealerships possible.

[–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Dude, any guy who talks to a chick is interested in fucking her. That's the only reason guys talk to chicks (at first).

The trick is, car dealerships are usually in an autoplex, so competition is just a short walk across the street. Homegirl has to hold your attention if she wants to keep you from wandering off.

[–]DailyManliness 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I figured in your example interest was implied by both parties. Obviously interest/investment are important but there should be a clear distinction between who's chasing and who's the chaser

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh yes. Always show less interest/investment. Better even, always have less interest/investment. Cardinal rule

[–]BassNet 10 points11 points  (5 children)

That's not a good example because you can't just walk away - then you get nothing. You have to display a baseline level of sexual interest at least, and that's demonstrated by approaching and escalating.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (3 children)

Yep. Apparently women are supposed to make the first move according to guys on here

[–]Senior Endorsed Contributormax_peenor 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Women always make the first move when it comes to men they find attractive. Men just see it. They parade themselves around us, lift their tails and hope they are selected. It's up to us to take the next step (itself a giant suitability test).

Times you've missed it:

  • Why does this chick always seem to be around when I'm here?
  • She invited herself to a group outing when she found out you were going.
  • She asks you questions instead of bleating on about herself only.
  • She makes detailed comparisons of things you do to other men she knew. Yes, she fucked them.
  • She touches you.
  • She very deliberately displays her entire body in front of you, including a a twist or two and running her hands on her clothes to "make sure it's all ok." Sometimes they will literally life their tails at you. If you ever see that, it's over--just close.
  • She locks eyes with you or you catch her looking at you more than once. If they look back at you, they are hoping they get caught and you move in.

You have to remember, women assume, correctly, that we want to fuck them all whenever we can. We don't need to show small signs of interest. Have dick; will fuck. If we want them, we are supposed to move in for the kill.

[–]DailyManliness 2 points3 points  (0 children)

To be fair while that is true from a "base level" it is ultimately bullshit. Women often are the ones who make "the first move" but it's not done in an overt manner. What would you consider extended eye contact or proximity IOI's via physical contact? That is the first move. Obviously the approach is done by the man most of the time but there's women who speak up first too. One way or another a woman does make the first move even if it's minor. I know I will have a high success rate with an opener if/when a girl has positioned herself near me on the dance floor for a few minutes. With high SMV (such as dressed/built well) there are multiple things women do to make the first move and it's our job to notice and then capitalize on it. So the "guys on here" are right when you look at it from that perspective

Edit: Just want to throw on flashing a smile is another "first move" that women make. Usually there's a combination of the things I just mentioned if not all of them

[–]DailyManliness 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was pretty sure that was implied. Both people would be on the car lot so they would obviously both be invested and interested. One would just want a better deal and expect the salesman to work for his money the other just rolls over and gives in to charm (or batting eye lashes), its optimal to be the former

[–]Senior Endorsed Contributormax_peenor 2 points3 points  (0 children)

they want you or can't have someone else

Those are independent. They can want the ever living want shit out of you and still have someone else. Women inherently horde resources, including cock, unless outside forces inhibit them.

[–]Frenetic_Zetetic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree with everything said above...

...But a good salesman will generate scarcity and impulse in a buyer, regardless of how ripe the market is. That's what makes you a good salesman/RP.

Concerning yourself with the buyer going elsewhere to the point of it impacting your effectiveness is a #1 entry level sales mistake.

Sales is the transference of feeling, regardless of market circumstance.

Women are the more emotionally-driven portion of the population.

I.e. why it's much easier to sell pretty much anything to a woman.

In all honesty, it seems like a lot of folks are touching on sales psychology, flinching at the parts that require discernment from the individual, then throwing the baby out with the bathwater for not following what you presume to be the right way to RP/place your bets.

A confident salesman can turn any situation into a (you)win/(they think they)win scenario for both involved.

[–][deleted] 130 points131 points  (24 children)

I disagree. You have to tell them you love them on the first date. You have to buy them flowers. You have to ask them where they want to go for dinner, you have to be understanding if they don't want to have sex until it's official. You have to text first, immediately, and always right after. You have to always take their feelings at face value and value what they have to say.

[–]UseForThrowAwayStuff points points [recovered]

you're on the right track, but not quite there. in addition to the aforementioned items, its very crucial that if she stops responding to you or starts acting weird, you must call her incessantly and beg her forgiveness. it is rather irrelevant what the actual problem is (can't stress this enough!). depending on how negligent she is towards you, consider having flowers and chocolates delivered to her.

nevergiveup #shestheone #love

[–]ScumbagPotato 64 points65 points  (13 children)

Amateurs. You must never forget to grovel at her feet because she's a Goddess. Don't ever forget how lucky you are to land a 15/10 like her especially since you're human garbage that is nothing more than a shit stain on this earth. Your purpose is to devote all time and energy on making sure your princess is happy even if she leaves you; ESPECIALLY if she leaves you. Let her fuck whoever she wants. Pay off her debt. Let her tell the kids how worthless you are. Budget at least half your money into her bank account to thank her for existing. Drink her piss. Eat her shit. Castrate yourself.

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (3 children)

The part about eating shit. That's especially crucial. Make sure you sing Shaun Mendes to her while baking the shit pie.

[–]ScumbagPotato 21 points22 points  (1 child)

🎶now that I'm without your kisses

And feces in my dishes🎶

Seriously though fuck Shaun Mendez and everyone else that feeds into the gynocentric hell that is our society.

[–]Not_Me_Here 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I knew TRP was about real love! Thank you guys for that wonderful reading, helped me stay off fapping and not creep her out with that evil thing I've got, I mean, she wouldn't know and she actually doesn't know me but if she ever finds out, she would never like me ever.

[–]asktrpthrow123 9 points10 points  (7 children)

I see someone is still plugged in. Would never buy my girl more than 10k worth of jewelry and you're talking about grovelling at her feet? You have a lot of side bar material to read my friend.

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points  (6 children)

the joke is going way over your head buddy look at the previous 2 comments before this one

[–]ScumbagPotato 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Lol I wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic towards my sarcasm. Too many layers.

[–]asktrpthrow123 21 points22 points  (3 children)

I was adding to the joke but I guess it didn't work out too well.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

damn my bad :( I didn't downvote you though

[–]2 Senior Endorsed Contributorvengefully_yours 20 points21 points  (1 child)

That is the funniest shit I've read all week, thanks for the humor.

[–]CanuckinFL 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Oh hell I read that with a huge grin. Well done boys. Spot on. I think I hit every rung on the ladder down to swallowing the pill.

I'm thorough like that. ;)

[–]1ozaku7 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Waiting to have sex until it's official is pretty much, let me have sex with everyone else on my list before I make myself "exclusive" to you so I have still played by the rules that you believe are true.

[–]hobohunter24 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You need to meme-ify this, post it on facebook, and get 10k likes from women who'd never give these guys the time of day.

[–]shadowchicken85 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't forget to tell her how beautiful she is, and how much you love her in every other word! The more you drop 'love bombs' the wetter she gets!

[–]Metalbear55 0 points1 point  (1 child)


You're close buddy but that's not enough Someone explained it way better

[–]ag101 points points [recovered]

I understand the premise of this advice... But I don't know if I can fully agree with it.

If you feign indifference, you're not seen as someone who's got options, you're seen as someone who isn't in the market.

Rollo explains this much better than I ever could...

[–]blackchucktays 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Agreed, it's in-between. Just be cool and put them in their place. Either they want it or they don't. It's not mind control, it's frame and perception.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Push-pull is better. Act interested, then act uninterested. Repeat.

[–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This post by /u/Rollo-Tomassi is critically important for newbies to understand, so you all should read and re-read it from time to time.

Just as you would constantly look at a compass to keep yourself moving in the right direction, use Rollo's post to keep your attitude properly calibrated.

[–]Not_Me_Here 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Went to a bar party organized by a committee of students. I'm not super good at small talking and starting conversation, but I do it more and more to get more confortable... anyway, I only really know one girl (and some I've seen once before, small talk) that friend left like an hour later. So I get around, try to talk to everyone, but nothing relevant. Then there is karaoke and the bar has a bigger section where we can't see the karaoke. So friends of my friend (girls and one guy) are in the bigger section (where there isn't karaoke). I just go sing, break the ice, get a few cheers from girls I don't know, ok cool. Then I go back talking to everyone, then ask for another song, but had to wait for my turn. Get to the table where there is friends of friend, then it's my turn, I say something like "it's my turn, come over there!" But they didn't move. So I get there, rock the hell out of the place, friends of friends came see me, they were recording with their phones, then I'm done I get lots of cheers, (funny side story, girls were gladly cheering and then some boys around them seemed like "I'll just cheer him cause everyone does so", nothing firm or joyful ahah), then I just went to my drink while everyone is still standing at the karaoke section and friends of friend followed me to cheer me, suddenly being more interested. I just went my own way, didn't need to have people around me made them want to be around me. Sure there is skills too, I believe it is part of act like you don't want it, just came here to have fun. My singing skills had compensated for my lack of great social skills.

Acting different is the key of act like you don't want it. I often go to a karaoke where people are really good, so I'm just slightly above the average singer on certain songs. The dynamic is completely different as I think I look more needy just because I'm actually more like everyone else there at the bar, except for the fact that I went alone and try to talk to everyone.

Tl;dr: Came to a bar, didn't really knew any people, talk to everyone, rock the place at karaoke, then people wants to be around me.

[–]VernonMaxwell 5 points6 points  (0 children)

"you look like the kind of chick that gets your way a lot, huh?" She looks at me with that look, that says yes. "well, don't expect me to be kissing your ass and getting what you want just because you're cute...not from me." And I turned away and kept talking to my friends. This was within 2 or 3 minutes of first meeting her. She was a friend of a friend.

I was kissing her within 30minutes. I shit you not. Not crazy kissing, as we were at a bar with mutual friends, but a few kisses here and there. But she was diggin me for sure.

Then i fucked it all up buy overdoing the 'I don't give a shit,' and being a drunk douche. It was in the fucking bag and I blew it. Oh well, lesson learned from that. On to the next.

[–]SlyAM 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Very true advice here. Good post OP, stay red brother.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's hard to break that blue pill programming.

Not too long ago I thought being the perfect gentleman would attract the woman I wanted, who claimed she wanted a "respectful man" that didn't want to just fuck (Haha). Well, we eventually started hooking up after fives dates and the attraction simply wasn't there on her part because I was too needy and beta. She denied me sex, leaving me devastated. I even made things worse when I started texting her my feelings and desires rather than what I should have done - escalate much quicker and then ripping her clothes off and having my way with her, give her the pump and dump before I bounced.

I tried to beg and negotiate for her attraction and it backfired massively, and I had no idea why at the time.

That was a tough red pill to swallow, but I'm now making moves in the gym and in my home studio producing music.

Moral of the story, don't be blue pill like I was, be Chad. However, we should recognize we all come from a similar place with the mission of bettering ourselves for ourselves, and women can hop on the train for a time if they pass our standards.

[–]wai667 points points [recovered]

You have to tell them you love them on the ladder down to swallowing the pill.

[–]adelie42 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Acting this way may work, but the reasoning is off. I see a better "strategy".

In simplest terms, "be yourself". We all heard it over and over. But what the hell does it mean?

It means you need to be your own person with interests and desires. If your interest and desire is to completely reshape your life to cater to another person, that is a lot of pressure. It also says something about the value you put on your own life.

Is it so crazy that if your life is so worthless that you would give it all up for someone you just met, what would happen if that person agrees with you? THEY'LL LEAVE!

I have my life and I love sharing it with other people that have their own life. We talk about the things we love that may or may not be what the other person loves. We share what is ALIVE inside of us.

Make the other person a priority, but don't throw your life away in the process.

Why should someone else respect you if you don't respect yourself?

Know what you want out of life and passionately go after it. Include the people you love in that journey.

As I said earlier, it is a tremendous amount of pressure to put on another person to make your life completely revolve around them. What if they want to make their life revolve around yours? You are taking that away from them.

Finally, if you can't stand up for your own needs and desires, it reflects negatively on your ability to take care of their needs and desires. Not setting any boundaries has the opposite effect intended when you think you are serving them.

"Acting like you don't want it" is just a very narrow application of staying present minded. Be with the person as things are, not according to some fantasy made up in your head about the future. Women are sexual beings and if they are attracted to you then there is a lot of fun taking the journey together to the bedroom.

If you are all up in your head instead of present for the person in front of you YOU ARE TAKING THAT OPPORTUNITY AWAY FROM THEM!

Thus, all you need to do is be picky, let them try and seduce you and see how it all plays out.

Similar to setting boundaries, if you don't want to "waste any time with someone that won't sleep with you", just be upfront with your intentions. They may tell you to fuck off, but better that than wasting time; move on and play the numbers game, keep asking till someone says yes.

All assuming that is what you really want.

[–]mlgwarrior420 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I remember my dad giving me a similar talk

He spins 3 girls now. He's in his 50's.

[–]1ozaku7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Regarding carsales, it's okay to show interest in a specific car. I've once showed interest in a car that I really liked, but talked out of my butt by saying that I REALLY want the car, but I just can't for the life afford it. The talk about budget started, made myself reluctant to tell how much I have, until I just "gave in" and stated my number. Eventually the salesman said he could work something out and I got it for the ridiculous price. I got it for the cheapest price on the market, and it's still doing well after 2 years of service and 20K miles.

Hotels? I really fucking love this room, but I can't, it's over our budget... And ello and behold, they drop the price by 40%.

In some cases, it's not enough to not care about it. You have to swing that steak in front of their nose, and a trick is all they need to do to grab it. Granted, it helps alot if you actually have a second plan if it backfires. I for that like to go to car dealerships to check out cars and test drive them, talk out of my butt like I said before and see how far I can get them. In another occasion I bought a car like that for a friend for a really good price and laughed our asses off. The gigantic steak he made me was fucking delicious too.

[–]Scandinavianredpill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this of course as you mention only works if you are a high value, but then its pretty much the only way to go if you ask me. waste of time to chase pussy.

[–]Katavasis 0 points1 point  (0 children)

1)Always have the option/be ready to walk away.

2)It's like goals.In order to get them done,you have to get them mentally,so by the time you reach them,you are like 'Nah,what was all this fuss about'.

Solid advice OP!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't pay attention to girls all the time....I don't give them ANY validation. But it doesn't work cuz then I never say hi

[–]PranksterLad 0 points1 point  (1 child)

What if shes an HB 9 like mine, and when you don't talk to her she has other thirsty guys knocking on the door?

[–]gotyournumberm8 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Kinda seems like a humblebrag but I'll bite. It seems you've started off the relationship with a lot of effort and have had to maintain it throughout. There is a natural order of the higher SMV you display initially, the less effort you have to put in initially. The important word being display. Then the relationship structure is coloured by the first few months so you have to maintain that effort.

I know some guys like to lie and that's fine and their choice but if you start with a lie then it's going to take a mountain of effort to maintain and probably isn't worth it.

[–]Frenetic_Zetetic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I swear to eff, dudes: learn how sales in general work - and TRP makes way more sense, and actually becomes a perfect subset of sales psychology. Great post OP.