Several months ago I went to see my crush friend and to go on a rock festival with her. When I came to her city, we went to her home to wait for her friend (girl).
In the meantime, I was feeling that I couldn't hold it to myself anymore and I told her, can you sit by my side, I have to tell you something. She was like, "no, you can tell me from here, I feel comfortable sitting on this chair". I was like, "what the fuck, can you just come please", and she was "nah, nah, let's just be a little creative and do it over messaging app". In my desperation to confess my stupid feelings, I said, okay, let's do it. And I wrote her the message "Hey, I am in love with you" and she was like "I know", and started writing friends bullshit like "I don't want to lose you" and "Can you think of me as a lesbian so you trick yourself into being fine with us not being together"
The most intimidating thing that made me cringe was the last sentence that she wrote me "I don't see myself having sex with you".
It would all be alright if she wasn't the one who was saying that she hates sex and doesn't like that stuff, and I was kind of okay with that cause I am REALLY not a kind of person whose main goal in life is to have sex with a lot of women.
Also, she said "thank you, it's good of you to say what you feel, I really appreciate it".
So, later on, when her friend had arrived, we went to that stupid festival and we were roaming around. In my brokenness, I was just following them two and they were asking random strangers for weed and shit, some of them wanted sex in return for weed and that's the point they went to some place.
Watching that from aside literally killed me. I was just standing there and watching them go away, she turned back to me and looked at me, I looked back at her in a sad way, got my hand up, waved, put my head down and turned my back and I fled away.
TL;DR: Had a crush on a girl who was explicitly saying that she hates sex, told her about my feelings, said to me that she doesn't see herself having sex with me.
Asked strangers for weed in exchange for sex during music festival.