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No, you don't have to be an asshole+You need to Get over the past (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by [deleted]

Hey, all.

You found out how women, men, and the world at large really works and it sucks at first. You might be angry or you've finally pieced together some events that occurred between you and girls you dealt with in the past and realized the harsh reality of what really happened.

It's tempting to let bitterness set in. Reality doesn't seem fair and indeed it's not. However, you have to flip your perception of what's fair and what isn't.

You might be hurt because you were indoctrinated with the belief that if you love women with all your heart and you're a pure, good guy that an equally honest woman would eventually see your character and fall madly in love with you without question.

When you found out this was false, your instant reaction may have been "I gotta be an asshole now!"

I think this is the main mistake many guys make once they find out the truth.

What YOU define as an asshole and what women define as an asshole are two totally different things.

That's where the problem really lies. In a nutshell, the "asshole" does get girls. Just not the kind of asshole you envisioned.

Women love the "inadvertent" asshole. He's the guy who's just an asshole by default. He isn't really trying to be one and he isn't necessarily mean, but he certainly doesn't bend over backwards for people.

See, in a world where women are used to guys doing virtually everyfuckingthing imaginable for them short of wiping their own asses, any guy who actually doesn't do these things is an "asshole".

Asking her to buy you a drink might make you an "asshole" to her. Not holding the door might make you an "asshole". Saying you actually don't like that dress on her when she asks might make you an "asshole".

An asshole in a woman's world is defined as that guy who doesn't kiss ass for pussy, validation, or acceptance. These guys win.

YOUR version of the asshole is the guy who's just mean spirited. This actually turns women off because you trigger their "He might be a fucking psychopath" alarm detectors. That's NOT good.

Sometimes you become this guy due to pure hurt. Understandable. You found out how shallow & fickle women really are, the girl you love is bouncing on someone else's dick while you miserably cry about it, or the girl you envisioned spending your life with just hit the door. You're mad. You've pledged to never treat these whores with respect again and you'll play them all until you die of old age.

Good game plan, but let the hurt and anger go first. Women can see through it and it makes you look way too weak, emotional, and invested.

Bitterness is a FEMALE trait.

Sorry, being real. Imagine your favorite "alpha" make who fucks mad women, lives like a boss abs loves life. You think he's sulking around in monk mode 24/7, eternally pissed off about the cute girl in his dorm that rejected him freshman year of college then fucked his beat friend?

So why are you? LET IT GO.

If you're envisioning turning into "the man" to prove those women wrong in your past who passed up on you, then you're doing it wrong. Let it go. Not for them. For you. Those bitches played you, cheated on you, shitted on you, and denied you already. It's over. You lost that round. Praying that they'll see you on Facebook one day and say "Oh my God I should've married Johnny when I had the chance!" is just remnant blue pill mentality that's stunting your BRIGHT future!

There might be a beautiful dime you've never met before who's just waiting for you to run into her and fuck her brains out except she'll never meet you because you're too busy caught up over Jessica who was really a 7/10 on a good day that left you 3 years ago.

Here's the crazy thing about life .... When you finally win, nobody gives a fuck about the losses anymore.

Ever notice how we never talk about Michael Jordan's seasons where he didn't win? That's not a coincidence. You think Mike ever sits in his big ass multi-million dollar mansion, staying up all night thinking "Damn, if only I would have beaten the Pistons in '90..."

I'll answer this for you. Hell to the fuck no.

Focus on winning. Fuck your past losses. They're etched in stone already, embrace it. Because when you do fuck that dime that's waiting for you, Jessica will be a long long long distant memory.

Trust me.


[–][deleted]  (18 children)

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    [–]psyEDk 81 points82 points  (1 child)

    You ever had one of those nights out where you felt bulletproof? Where you had all your shit together, knew what was up, just wanted to have a good time and nothing in the world could affect you?

    That's right there the essence of amused mastery.

    Someone tries to bring you down a notch, insults you about something or belittles something you do. You look them straight in the eye and laugh it off. Flip it around back at them. Exaggerate their point to ridiculousness.

    Their shit tests dont affect you. You're the master of the moment. And their attempts to chip away at your facade are nothing but amusing.

    Sorry buddy, nope, this is the real deal.

    [–]Aaronindhouse 16 points17 points  (0 children)

    Nice description of amused mastery. Reminds me of the count of monte cristo where they had 'king of the moment'. When one of them had that, they would toss the other a king's chess piece to recognize it.

    [–]Endorsed Contributorredpillbanana 69 points70 points  (1 child)

    Imagine a kid challenges Muhammed Ali to a fight. Does Ali pound him into the ground? No, he plays around with him, lets him get in some shots, fakes getting knocked out, etc. The kid is zero threat to him so he can be playful and funny with the kid...to the amusement of both the kid and everyone watching.

    [–]Slut_Slayer9000 7 points8 points  (2 children)

    The jist of amused mastery is doing and saying things purely based on your own amusement, you say something because YOU think its funny, not because you're trying to get a reaction out of someone or a group. Same with your actions, you do something because YOU are amused by doing so. Once you master this people generally start aligning their amusement with yours because if you think it its funny and don't give a shit whether they laugh or not they will socially sense that and be more inclined to laugh, but once again you don't care if they laugh or find it funny or not, why? Because you on'y care about your own amusement.

    [–]AnoniMiner 11 points12 points  (1 child)

    Careful with this... there's plenty of guys who say shit for their own amusement, only to leave everyone around them perplexed, and looking at each other.

    But yeah, if you're not a social retard, that's basically it.

    [–]Slut_Slayer9000 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Yeah for sure. If you don't know how to socially calibrate this will just make you look even more retarded. You have to be AWARE of your audience and environment and filter yourself accordingly but only say or do things that you find amusing, not because you're trying to get a laugh out of someone else.

    [–]Shiva-Lingam 24 points25 points  (4 children)

    I think it's because most people here throw around the word alpha but have no idea what a true alpha really is and think it's the antagonist jock from college movies - without realising he's just an immature pseudo-alpha.

    And I agree about Cocky & Funny and Amused Mastery. Cocky & Funny is my default mode since I was a teenager, long before I even knew what it was called.

    [–]shubhidoobi 10 points11 points  (3 children)

    Damn mate I'm also natural cocky & funny since long but don't know how to use it to my advantage. Wasted lots of years on oneities. Care to help me out, any advice is appreciated.

    [–]malignantbacon 31 points32 points  (1 child)

    If you're truly a natural, just flirt with everyone all the time until it becomes part of how you interact with people. In martial arts there is a difference between real fighting and sparring. On the one hand you have the competitors who have a compulsive need to win and be the best, on the other you have people who are practicing techniques in a safe environment to get better. You want to think more of sparring and less of needing to dominate a conversation as self-aware cocky funny guys tend to do.

    Practically speaking this means a lot of separate things that fall together easily. 2 most important things: 1) have fun and 2) don't take things personally. If you keep these in mind it's really impossible for you to lose. There are natural extensions of this. You need to be comfortable with being both the active and the passive participant, i.e. both talk and listen. Attack, defend, and counter-attack appropriately. If you're lucky enough to practice with people better OR worse than you, pay attention to what they do differently and if they're not obviously worse, try it yourself so you know how things change. If you and your partner are mismatched, change partners and keep drilling. If you feel something keeps catching your attention, bring it up. If something is bothering you, speak up. Set your partners up if you're cooperating or otherwise in a group and learn how to react when your own partners are making a big play and what your place is in it. Practice enough to not have to worry about being slow because you already know how you should feel - "slow is smooth and smooth is fast"

    Lastly, unless your friends are all professional stand-up comics or some other thing and you know they can really take a joke: Pull your punches if you want them to keep coming back. Sparring shouldn't injure anyone involved even though it's something you always have to watch out for.

    [–]WhitePhillip 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    This is a fantastic write up for improving dialogue and understanding conversational interaction. Should be a post of it's own.

    [–]Shiva-Lingam 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    First of all you should use it with everybody - I'm guessing you aren't being cocky & funny with your oneitises and the other women you like. Second you shouldn't overdo it - too much c&f and you won't really build rapport. Third you should move things forward by doing some kino escalation, instant dates, etc. Fourth, there's plenty of material on pickup and dating, start reading and watching some of it - but beware, some of the stuff is bullshit and some of the thing that work might need to be changed to suit your style and needs.

    [–]dissentforall 5 points6 points  (1 child)

    I always liked using Hank Moody as a reference (despite being a fictional character)

    [–]LifeWithTRP 173 points174 points  (10 children)

    Fuck man, A+ post. I spent months regretting breaking up with my first serious relationship only to eventually screw some new girls and spend a decent amount of time with what I think anyone would call a 9.5. If I had gotten over that one ex sooner I could've fucked multiple 9s. Ex girl was a 7 now that I look back.

    Anyways, this is a thing we all struggle with

    [–]morexel 55 points56 points  (8 children)

    Now that you look back...

    Isn't it interesting that only in hindsight can we really rate our girls? Access and feelings are a hell of a drug.

    [–]my_sfw_alias 24 points25 points  (7 children)

    The girl you would have done anything to be with, only to see her on facebook as a wrinkled old hag with her disgusting kids.. Thanking the god you had cursed for helping you dodge that bullet.

    [–][deleted]  (6 children)

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      [–]messystoner 28 points29 points  (5 children)

      You couldn't make yourself sound like much more of an idiot could you with statements like "ebonix-culture".

      [–][deleted]  (3 children)

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        [–]xRedStaRx 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        I think the main unsaid pillar of redpill that I rarely see mentioned is basically all pussy is the same.

        If you gone around with many women, and went through several heartbreaks, you realize that this couldn't be more true. As dark and mean as that sounds, pussy is pussy, all with different memories and lives. What you could have had one, is easily replicated with the other. It's fucked up once you personally reach that conculsion through hindsight.

        [–]NightGod 32 points33 points  (0 children)

        One tiny little exception to the "let it go" part: high school reunions. Going back to the town you were the nerd nobody looked at, let alone dated, and just casually winning at life to the point where the girls who wouldn't look twice at you are now literally hanging off of you and messaging you while their husband is asleep is worth holding on to a little of that old self so you can enjoy how far you've come.

        [–]grumpy_0ld_man 24 points25 points  (0 children)

        "Praying that they'll see you on Facebook one day and say "Oh my God I should've married Johnny when I had the chance!"

        Ha! That was me when I started hitting the gym. Now, after 7 months when I start to see the benefits of lifting I don't give a fuck about showing everyone what I've got. It's my journey, no one else's. Great post.

        [–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 17 points18 points  (0 children)

        About the good vs bad asshole, see The CH classic https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2011/12/22/caring-vs-uncaring-assholery/

        [–]wont_tell_i_refuse 18 points19 points  (5 children)

        YOUR version of the asshole is the guy who's just mean spirited. This actually turns women off because you trigger their "He might be a fucking psychopath" alarm detectors. That's NOT good.

        Women can see through it and it makes you look way too weak, emotional, and invested.

        Gold. As a guy who can't get over thoughts (dreams, even) about a woman I broke up with 4 years ago, thanks for this post. I've seen this exact thing happen in my current relationships -- the woman gets a sense that I'm bitter and angry and is much more likely to leave.

        Some women can handle it, likely due to past experience with male psychology (the one plate who stuck around had had a boyfriend for 4 years, so maybe she "got it"), but it's a self-imposed impediment you don't need.

        [–][deleted]  (4 children)

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          [–]wont_tell_i_refuse 2 points3 points  (3 children)

          She actually said all of the worst possible things on a phone call I made to her one year after we broke up. There's not another word I want to hear out of her mouth. I think that revisiting it at this point would be traumatic more than healing.

          But who knows -- maybe I need to relive it one more time at high intensity rather than suffering through the near-daily slow boil I'm used to. I still tear up at the sight of things that remind me of her. Maybe something like that would beat it out of me.

          [–][deleted]  (2 children)

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            [–]g0dfather93 13 points14 points  (9 children)

            I've been here lurking on TRP for months, mildly agreeing to some posts, mostly questioning the whole "redpill-bluepill" thing you guys have going on here. The only thing I've identified with is what this sub calls "oneitis" - I've been a serial oneitis patient, catching a new infection within 2 months of being trashed by the last. I try reminding myself that I should be my #1 priority, and that I should attract women by virtue of my attractiveness and not by giving them too much importance.

            But this post, this has resonated with me too deeply. OP has stated my thoughts, my mistakes, my apprehensions very accurately. No, I'm not angry with my past, I tend to "get over it" pretty swiftly and comfortably. But I do lose out because I'm too nice, and I just don't have the heart to not be a chivalrous gentleman (and I later devolve into a doormat). OP is very right in that what too-nice guys like me see as niceness, women see ass-kissing, and what women call a "bad boy" is basically just a self-sufficient, assertive, confident person who's interested in himself slightly more than the chick (or at least appears to be so). I need to understand that it's not manipulation, it is simple human nature. A person who values their own opinions and comfort and is confident about that is attractive by default.

            And worst case scenario, if it doesn't work out - whether long term or short - you have your self respect intact, and you don't have to look back and regret the hours, days and weeks of your life you dedicated for a lost cause.

            My hat-tip to OP. I am saving this to re-read once a week.

            [–]Agent1407 3 points4 points  (1 child)

            I need to understand that it's not manipulation, it is simple human nature. A person who values their own opinions and comfort and is confident about that is attractive by default.

            As soon as you start to act like this, you will feel that it much more natural and sincere than being a chivalrous kiss-ass knight. The real manipulation here is to pedestalize the girl and treat her like a goddess believing that then she will fuck you and love you.

            [–]g0dfather93 2 points3 points  (0 children)

            My behaviour isn't as much of a kissing ass as it is about a genuinely concerned person. And I do not give her a goddess aura, but you are damn right that a pedestal automatically forms around her once she realises "he cares for me" - basically no good deed goes unpunished. I also do not do it for expectations of sex, I do have the skills necessary to make her want it. But I get your point, really. OP's post has articulated stuff really well.

            [–]1OneRedSock 2 points3 points  (1 child)

            It sounds like you still have some apprehension about the Red Pill. What I found during my switch from Blue Pill to Red Pill is this: while the application of the Red Pill is personal, all of the basic concepts are true. If you find the way someone applies TRP doesn't resonate with you, then you apply it a different way. But the fundamental understandings of how women operate, the male-female dynamics, stoicism, etc. are all true.

            The more you read, the more you'll see new understandings of past experiences that will change your perspective on relationship dynamics. Posts like these will expertly put into words the way you've felt, and slowly there's a paradigm shift. At first you'll resist, then you'll be bitter; finally, you'll realize life is much easier lived by the way it is than by the way it should be.

            That's the Blue Pill world: expecting the world to be the way you think it should be. The Red Pill is learning how to live in the world as it really is, and giving you the tools to do so.

            [–]slay_it_forward 2 points3 points  (3 children)

            Oneitis is directly proportional to your level of scarcity.

            And the degree to which her SMV exceeds your own.

            Would DiCaprio have oneitis for a 7 bartender? Unlikely.

            [–]g0dfather93 1 point2 points  (2 children)

            Mate, I ain't DiCaprio

            ...and she, wasn't even a 7 xD

            [–]slay_it_forward 0 points1 point  (1 child)

            Seems you missed the point

            [–]g0dfather93 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            Hahaha no, I heard you man. I concede I wasn't making them work for my company, but just degrading myself.

            Was in good spirits so made a joke instead.

            [–]Swallowed_the_pill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

            You should read No more mr. Nice guy. Great book about this subject.

            [–]akaNeon1 12 points13 points  (0 children)

            We need more of this on here. Instead of those ridiculous 10 point lists of all the things to do and not to do, without a reasoning or backing.

            [–]Obi-Wan-Kenobi7 38 points39 points  (29 children)

            This resonates so much with me. But, what do you do if you fucked yourself in the past? I had girls giving me attention, had a cheerleader like girl that wanted to go with me to the ball, and another girl that was massaging my dick during the break while eating with her feet under the table. Like, wtf is wrong with me??? I swear, I am my only and worst enemy, it's like I have a demon inside of me that wants me to fail....wtf is wrong with me, I wasted 8 years of my life, and for what? Something is holding me back and I don't know what to do...

            [–]plenty_of_eesh 100 points101 points  (7 children)

            girl that was massaging my dick during the break while eating with her feet under the table.

            I'm sorry but what?

            Ooooooh okay just got it.

            girl that, while eating during the break, was massaging my dick with her feet, under the table.

            Still gonna be a while til I erase that image of a girl "eating with her feet under the table".

            [–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

            And simultaneously giving you a handy.

            [–]FlexGunship 8 points9 points  (0 children)

            Dude. Props for figuring that word-soup out. I read it, like, five times before I saw you had it cleared up.

            [–]nasisliiike 3 points4 points  (0 children)

            Hahahah! Immediately scrolled down after reading that! That took an unexpected, yet hilarious turn by accident...

            [–]SovereignSoul76 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            She's like that creature from Pan's Labyrinth that had the eyes in his palms. But she can eat dicks with her feet.

            [–]new__vision 30 points31 points  (2 children)

            All your actions, feelings, behavior—even your abilities—are always consistent with this self-image. In short, you will “act like” the sort of person you conceive yourself to be. Not only this, but you literally cannot act otherwise, in spite of all your conscious efforts or will power.The man who conceives himself to be a “failure-type person” will find some way to fail, in spite of all his good intentions, or his will power, even if opportunity is literally dumped in his lap. The person who conceives himself to be a victim of injustice, one “who was meant to suffer,” will invariably find circumstances to verify his opinions.

            • Psycho-Cybernetics By Maxwell Maltz

            [–][deleted]  (1 child)

            [deleted]

              [–]dingman58 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              • Psycho-Cybernetics By Maxwell Maltz

              Looks like the source is out there

              [–]Obi-Wan-Kenobi7 29 points30 points  (6 children)

              All the girls that I passed on are a small % of the problem. I've cut myself from humanity, because in my head I was not good enough. I 24/7 put myself down, there's always "something else" that I can improve before getting out there again, and I have this internal struggle between the guy I can be and what I am presently. But, there is also this voice in the back of my head that says "once you get going, there won't be any stopping you.". And, in my dreams is the same, I am surrounded by friends, people that look up to me and of course girls. But then I wake up to reality and resume hatting on myself....I don't know if there's anything on the red pill that can help me with forgiving myself and forgetting the past.

              [–]Agent1407 20 points21 points  (3 children)

              Maybe I will be downvoted by this, but the thing that made me finally internalize TRP in my core around 3 years ago was spirituality. Once I got a true quest in my life, everything started to work, and I never put women as a priority anymore. I read book after book and found peace, and then met a beautiful girl who was also searching for God and today we are married. And the most beautiful thing is that I know that if she ever leaves, well, I am fine.

              [–]Muk1st 5 points6 points  (2 children)

              I'm the same way, the woman I am married to is great and waits on me hand and foot. She knows though, when and if she is ready to hit the door that I'm not chasing after her and will just find pussy elsewhere. I think that is also probably the reason why she is so goddamn loyal...

              [–]moistbagel420 0 points1 point  (1 child)

              There's no other reason you'd go chasing her other than her pussy?

              [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              What else do they really have to offer? Look at the way women hate to be called a cunt, yet have no second though when referring to a man as a dick, prick, or cock. That singular word boils down to their basic worth as a human being. Every woman is the same, some make look nicer than others, know how to cook, or some other menial skill. Animals make better companions, women simply have a warm hole useful for procreating, and they occasionally have the same short term goal as us men.

              [–]Felwinter_Sly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              You didn't wait too long though, because luckily it is still "now".

              [–]Cunt_Robber 17 points18 points  (1 child)

              Sounds like you took off on the wrong path and are now having trouble finding your way back to a path that will let you move forward.

              [–]2 Senior Endorsed Contributorvengefully_yours 32 points33 points  (0 children)

              Life isn't over, there are no shortage of girls in the world, only 3.5 billion of them. So you fucked up some, who cares, if I'd fucked every girl that I've had a chance to fuck my dick would be worn to nothing. There is always another one waiting to ride your dick, unless you're some slovenly fatass sucking down MtDew in moms basement.

              Get over it. Learn from it and don't beat yourself up. I missed a threesome with two extremely hot Russian girls in 2003, I've fucked lots of hot girls and had multiple three-ways since.

              [–]aanarchist 10 points11 points  (0 children)

              society teaches us self sabotage, its a long and hard journey to get out of your own way.

              [–]malignantbacon 3 points4 points  (2 children)

              what do you do if you fucked yourself in the past?

              The milk is already spilled. Once you clean it up, how do you keep it that way?

              I am my only and worst enemy, it's like I have a demon inside of me that wants me to fail....

              You're contradicting yourself here. Sit quietly and figure out for yourself which it is - are you the problem or is it the demon? Bear with me here - if it's internal then you can fix it. If it's external, why worry? Pretend you and "yourself" are at war with each other and everything one does to the other happens to both sides regardless. Is it still practical to keep fighting?

              Forgive me for assuming incorrectly but you sound young, inexperienced and most of all, very panicked about your situation. Step back, take a minute and figure out why. The OP's point is an idea that's kind of resonating right now with a lot more people than just you.

              But, what do you do if you fucked yourself in the past?

              From the OP: let the hurt and anger go first. Women can see through it and it makes you look way too weak, emotional, and invested.

              At the end of all this if you still feel the same, ask yourself if you use your experience with women to justify (consciously or unconsciously) any other shitty parts of your personality/behavior and you should have a good place to start. But it won't be quick and it won't be easy.

              [–]Obi-Wan-Kenobi7 3 points4 points  (1 child)

              I don't know if 26 is young, and being so far behind the curve is difficult. My only saving grace is that I am one of those people that age slower than normal. If you look at me now, and pictures of me from when I was 18-19, I'm the same. I never did drugs, don't smoke, drink very rarely, gave up on most sugary things, etc. I just have to found a way to live with my mistakes that set me back almost a decade, and align my mind with my soul, and beat this demon that wants me to self-destruct. I'm sorry if I sound too spiritually, but I have my reasons for it.

              I am advancing my career, trying to live healthy, obviously lifting, etc., but I'm always pushing people away. When people compliment me, I disagree. When they tell me "good job", I say "I could've done better", etc. Now I kinda have this reputation of the cold hearted bastard that's never happy. Sometimes I wish I could push the reset button, and try again.

              I might sound crazy, but talking to myself everyday, and questioning my decisions and looking over the pros and cons of future decisions is starting to help me. Like the 2 polar sides of me and myself, holding meetings everyday.

              For now, I have a mission. I'm trying to reach a 120 day no-fap streak. That means no porn, no masturbating, no social media, limited video games and tv shows, while focusing on school, gym, and trying to be more open and friendly. I also found out that I had a vitamin D deficiency for quite a few years, which I'm also fixing. And finally, I found a friend with who I speak regularly about our paths to self-improvement and who knows all my secrets and regrets. He thinks that I am close to achieving my breakthrough and breaking the cycle, I just hope I'm not too late.

              I can say for sure that my brain chemistry has been altered by porn and masturbating, because I've started making these mistakes a few years after that. I was a very sexual person, and did some things as a kid that got me slapped by girls quite a few times, and, by the age of 10, I started wanking and soon after, porn. Now, holding these urges back, while trying to forget the past, and looking towards a promising future, is very difficult. You would not believe how strong these sexual urges are in me after 2 weeks of no-fap. It's like a voice that keeps telling me "spread the seed" and when I look at girls with those fiery eyes, they get all submissive and feminine, and it's really hard to not wank when I see that. Just as an example, a beautiful girl at work that used to completely ignore me because of my low self-esteem and whatnot, started saying hi to me and smiling everyday, offered to drop me off at the bus station, and one time waited for me to come down the stairs before going up after I looked at her straight in the eyes (mind you, plenty of space for 2 people); and she bowed her head down and looked at the ground. And I never even intended that, I just looked at her to see who it was.

              To conclude, I guess once I return to my former-self, before the dark times, I'll be well on my way to becoming the man that I am in my dreams: someone who has good friends, people looking up to him, and girls fighting each other for him. Just have to control the fire within me. I think it's tired after all these years of being trapped inside a cocoon.

              [–]malignantbacon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              No worries bro, if being spiritual about it helps you to process it then by all means. Just make sure you don't lose sight of your real goals in the name of that spirituality.

              That you're doing work to better yourself is good. If your efforts are genuine then you're on the right path. I tend to be pretty hard on myself in certain situations too and you're right, it does push people away. You can keep the "I could have done better" to yourself if you want, but publicly, you will attract people more with simple "thanks" and a smile. It's not just about what you say, it's about how you say it and what people might be able to read into the things you choose to express about yourself.

              As for talking to yourself, that's not crazy either, but I take a different approach. Instead of talking to myself, I try to start from the position that there isn't really a "true" version of myself, but a lot of conditional illusions that "I" hold about "myself." With that as a baseline, it's very easy to simply remind myself not to harbor any resentment or attachment to things in my life that factor into my frustrations.

              I personally don't subscribe to NoFap, but if that helps you then do it. There's a lot of value in learning and practicing self-restraint but keep in mind, NoFap won't teach you how to take care of those urges in a healthy way.

              Lastly, I don't think "returning to your former self" is a very practical mentality to take. Your former self never had the experiences you have had now, so whatever you get out of trying to be that is never going to be as close to what you want as you would get with a more foot-forward attitude. Your former self got you where you are now, your current self will get you to where you want to be.

              [–]Warren_Bates 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              "Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves back up." -Michael Caine, one of the Batman movies.

              We all fuck up, and that's not bad. Bad is not learning from your mistakes. That you recognize a missed opportunity indicates you're more equipped to succeed in the future.

              [–]Wolffy93 5 points6 points  (1 child)

              This is by far the hardest thing I'm overcoming right now. 6 months later, still think of my ex from 4 Year LTR. (first girlfriend.)

              Still living and learning.

              [–]grumpy_0ld_man 6 points7 points  (0 children)

              Was in similar situation. Ltr of 4 yrs dropped my ass coz I was a beta schmuck. Took me good 2 years to get to IDGAF. I'm at my highest point in my life right now. Without TRP I would still be thinking about her and be stuck in my BB days. Great community that saves lifes

              [–]Spartacats 5 points6 points  (0 children)

              One of the best TRP posts I've read. Thanks for the good words.

              [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              Good insights. The "nice guys" who constantly carp about how women like assholes, when you get down to it, define asshole as "guy who doesn't put girls on a pedestal and cater to their every whim." These hapless guys have a false notion that sexual attraction is transactional: man does/provides x, y, and z for woman, then woman dutifully pays him back through affection and sex. So when these men observe other guys getting affection and sex without making such offerings, they blame the woman, say her circuitry or her values are all wrong, why in hell is she going for the guys who don't lavish her with nice things and emotional validation? They are "assholes" for not doting on women, yet women are nonetheless falling for them.

              At the heart of it, this misunderstanding from "nice guys" stems from their fundamental misunderstanding (often born of lack of experience or good advice in formative years) of how and why women are attracted to men. It all happens on a primal level, far deeper and more instinctual than any transactional strategy. They see men somehow cheating the system by scoring women without making the requisite material and emotional investments, and they conclude – at least partially out of bitterness – that those men are assholes.

              All of this, as you wisely noted, is completely different from a man being an actual asshole to others. An actual asshole is driven by anger and bitterness, or at least total self-centeredness and disregard for others' well being. That's rarely ever attractive – only time it is attractive is when coupled with an exceptional level of charm (see: sociopath), good looks, and/or status. In other words, the exception proves the rule.

              Be your own man. Have genuine self-esteem and self-worth. Enjoy life. Don't carry around the dead weight of bitterness and resentment about the unfairness of the world. Always move forward, upward. Never look back, except to learn a necessary lesson and improve for the future.

              All the spoils – and I don't just mean women – then inevitably follow.

              Nice post.

              [–]1empatheticapathetic 8 points9 points  (14 children)

              What if I just don't care about winning anymore. I've never won once in my life (not complaining) but I just have lost all interest in everything. Nothing really has any point or purpose anymore and I don't really feel happy or sad about anything, just apathy for a long time.

              FTR I made this username a long time before TRP

              [–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (10 children)

              I made the Exodus!

              You wanna remove all the comments you've ever made on reddit, and overwrite them with a message like this one?

              Easy! First install:

              ... then install this GreaseMonkey script. Go to your comments, and click that nifty new OVERWRITE button! (Do this for each page of comments)

              Buh-bye, reddit!

              [–]1empatheticapathetic 2 points3 points  (9 children)

              Yeah I don't care anymore. I spent a long time chasing the idea I wanted to have sex and try it and have experienced it as a part of my life but it ended up becoming 100% validation seeking and self loathing, the actual desire for sex/women was completely gone.

              Sex drive is completely gone. I had sex two times with an escort so at least I did it. I still think about my oneitis all the time (20 months now) but it's just a warped memory from my pre TRP days that is a complete fantasy. If I ever get an urge I'll visit a new escort.

              I've come to the monk mode conclusion a few weeks ago, I'm happy with it. Just figuring out what I want to achieve in life now and why. Found a career path I've started studying for and started lifting again from scratch. Cheers

              [–]BreathOfDick 0 points1 point  (7 children)

              Ever get suicidal from this?

              [–]1empatheticapathetic 0 points1 point  (6 children)

              I was suicidal when I first found TRP. But that died down and I started to build up apathy after about 6-8 months.

              [–]BreathOfDick 0 points1 point  (5 children)

              Think I'm gonna do it, sick of being incel. Did everything I'm supposed to on here, lost 70 lbs now 5'11'', 175lb,muscular build. Bought nice clothes, already have great job. Still a repulsive joke to all women I meet.

              [–]1empatheticapathetic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              Do what. Kill yourself? I've just been snooping your history. You sound chill and got a good head on your shoulders. Maybe we could fuck each other.

              EDIT: In reality just decide on a plan to fuck escorts if you really want it. I have made that my go to plan and I feel free because of it. I have ED issues and have been more than 2 times but only really got it up for 2. If I can fix my ED (check my recent post history) then I'll see escorts regularly, save a certain amount a month to see them twice a month. Pretty doable I believe.

              [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

              Bro, fuck other people man. Hell is other people, was once said by some famous jerkwad. But its true. We are a horrible species. But dont kill yourself for that, that means they win, when really you are just from the short info on you a built guy with a job, dont let them be the judge of that. Incels also show empathy levels way beyond normal in studies, so Im sure you are a good person as well. You gotta approach it differently man, right now there are a ton of girls willing to fuck you. Keep hitting the gym to where people ask if you are juicing. Make great career moves like u did. I'd trade the 18 year old i fucked in the ass last saturday for just a whiff of some career improvement. Once your mentality changes from m doing things on TRP to get pussy, to doing these things for you because you matter to yourself then it will rain pussy. I seriously believe you just need to work on your frame as a confident man who is cool and interesting.

              [–]1empatheticapathetic 0 points1 point  (1 child)

              Good words, the guy is a good dude. Where did you read that incels are more empathetic?

              [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-freedom/201102/secrets-sensitive-people-why-emotional-empaths-stay-lonely.

              I couldnt find the exact article, but they found that people who are lonely score higher on empathy than socialites. I find this resonates a lot with my anecdotal experience, people with 1000 facebook friends or more tend to be egregious assholes and some good TRP advice is to get a bunch of social connections that you dont really give a fuck about.

              [–]BreathOfDick 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              I'd trade the 18 year old i fucked in the ass last saturday for just a whiff of some career improvement.

              Thanks for the comment man means a lot. That part I quoted, Holy fuck, amazing point. It's just that blue pill lie. Fuck sake. If you work hard you can get ALMOST everything you want - the exclusion to that rule being desire from the opposite sex. To the point where it's like "okay nothing will ever work so what's the point." But we'll see what happens thanks again

              [–]smallbrowndic 4 points5 points  (0 children)

              That's when you should consider going to therapy (but remember to keep trp values in mind)

              [–][deleted]  (1 child)

              [removed]

                [–]1empatheticapathetic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Hey thanks for your reply. Yes I have indeed learned a fucking lot about power play from TRP that has influenced how I see life, I definitely appreciate that and unconsciously use it to my benefit a lot. I've become better at talking to people, holding my own, I'm Fucking great at job interviews now haha.

                There's lifetimes worth of knowledge here and I've been forced out of my comfort zone to learn a fucking lot of stuff if I actually wanted to grow as a person. It was either that or sink into a serious depression after my oneitis, I didn't really have a choice and truly grateful I made it here.

                But my original point simply was that despite learning all this stuff, I don't care about much anymore. I don't really have any serious passions, all the relationships in my life fit into a predictable paradigm, I can see where my life will end up now and how I'll probably suddenly get some level of unenthusiastic female interest once my career is on the go and how it'll never really feel just right. I'll do my best to excel in fitness, a career and whatever else is a necessity but none of it has any real meaning to me. I could quite easily just sit down and watch tv forever and do nothing now (and i have never ever been that guy). It's the definition of the word 'apathy'.

                What are your long term aspirations post pill?

                [–]Zerichon 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                I see your phone also autocorrected "and" to "abs".

                [–]grumpy_0ld_man 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                That's to remind you of #1 priority: Fuckin LIFT!!!!1111oneoneone

                [–]gromitfromit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                Kinda sucks that's the way it is but you hit the nail on the head. I swear I've been just recently coming to grips with this.

                [–]mardonian 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                10/10 dude. This really sheds some light on the whole douchbag gets girls dynamic and will make it easier to think about in the future.

                [–]Frenetic_Zetetic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                "Work on planting seeds rather than pulling weeds" has always felt like an overlooked aspect of TRP for me.

                It's easy to forget to focus on applying and taking action, rather than endlessly planning. The former is the key, while the latter is definitely a trap (that many fall into).

                Thanks for this awesome post.

                [–]harsha_hs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                Quality post in a super readable language. Good Motivator

                [–]kinpsychosis 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                I love your point about hate, I used to pent up a lot of hate, not only is it unhealthy, but I realised the more you hate a person the more you acknowledge the influence they have on your life, the real way to stick the middle finger to them is to forget about them and move on with your life.

                [–]TehJimmyy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                This also a good post regarding missions in life ,

                Getting that good grade in college, getting a good body and understanding the sacrifices you have to make from the perspective of friends , time , pleasures and not let your failures affect you.

                But yea most new people here have oneitis. So my opinion applies to those who got over it.

                [–]alpha_buxx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                Funny cause my exes name is Jessica and she's the reason I found trp, so this post feels probably feels a little more personal to me than most

                [–]TheWrathofShane 5 points6 points  (4 children)

                You might be hurt because you were indoctrinated with the belief that if you love women with all your heart and you're a pure, good guy that an equally honest woman would eventually see your character and fall madly in love with you without question.

                Does sound like me but really I want to use these alpha male tips to get and keep one girl. Its a religious thing. I dont want to engage in something that is clearly sinful behavior with another human being. I do like sex tho, so if I am going to do it outside of marriage I do want to be committed to one girl to justify it and feel better about myself..

                I dont really care about a 10, but I do want to find a wife that will appreciate love time and affection. I dont think they are unicorns, but due to the curse we all bare together, you really have to have your guard up or get destroyed. Even then its still a risk. I noticed I get much more looks when I have my guard up, its a new concept because I am an honest and trusting person. Interesting read though.

                [–]Prophets_Prey 6 points7 points  (1 child)

                If you're Christian, the bible is a good source on how to be a husband and what to look for in a wife; it is also a great source on what love actually is. Granted, fornication is a sin, not many have the moral fortitude to abstain until marriage. The basic precepts extrapolated to real life for a men looking to be in a relationship are just to lead, have a mission, and be benevolent.

                [–]Degener0 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                Sex is love not sinful. Religion so blue pill.

                [–]TheWrathofShane 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Yes it is, two people becoming one flesh. Thats why people get destroyed when its done with someone they are not willing to commit to for the rest of their life.

                [–]lwbrown10 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                This is a God tier TRP post. May honestly be the last one I ever needed to see.

                [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Excellence envisioned with articulation

                [–]TheOneTrueBro 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Great post OP. Going through this exact shit right now so the advice is well needed.

                [–]i4mn30 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                But why is bitterness a female trait? I hate to say it that I feel instinctively you're right but logically I want an explanation.

                [–]Calderon1915 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Great Post Post Indeed, It's been a month of my breakup and the girl who cheated me was named Jessica!, So OP did write in my reference? I am pretty much amazed. Thank you for the post cheers mate !

                [–]KennyF91 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                You also forget selling a dream = instant gratification. I'm not advocating full blown lying but if you are an a hole then you should not care. You think saying I have a 2013 car with 80k miles but its financed cheap till 2018 gets panties wet? Say "my cars newer than yours, I own it not a bank and I don't have to let you get in." Is it rude, probably but you showed spine, you dismissed her without bitterness and passed her test, probably lying. She's going to run and brag about it over social media and to hear circle and you're probably going to get the pus quicker.

                [–]desno 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                In essence, being an inadvertent asshole means having an opinion and not caring what she thinks about what you have to say

                [–]vernace 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                It's posts like this one that keep me coming back, striving to be the man I know I can be and working through my own issues. Thank you.

                [–]bordenbro 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Thanks for this post. This is truth and a refreshing reminder. This is advice that can immediately help those of us looking to move on, move forward, and live rewarding lives.

                [–]yomo86 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                In my monk mode when I could not stand the urge after 4 weeks no pussy and no fap - I beat the bishop like 10 times that day. I had an epiphany.

                After this ludicrous fapping session a female friend of mine texted me. I was definitely not feeling like stroking her ego. She asked me if I could help her to get rid of her old couch.

                Old thirsty before TRP me would have jumped at the opportunity just to be with her. This time, satisfied and armed with TRP. I just texted back what's in for me and that a blow-job will not suffice. She texted back I'm such an asshole like all the others. We fucked 3 months later.

                Bottom-Line: Be your own men.

                [–]BinaryResult 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                What about being an asshole to your ex just because she tried to fuck you over in the courts for custody of your kids? Not trying to win her back in the slightest, already enjoying the new plates, just want to make her suffer a bit.

                [–]circlhat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                An asshole in a woman's world is defined as that guy who doesn't kiss ass for pussy, validation, or acceptance. These guys win.

                A bit more than that, let's not pretend her version of asshole is some nobility, and that women are beacons of light, the important thing is to be selfish and put yourself first.

                [–]IYoloTooHard 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                This was the first time I've really indulged in a red pill post, and man does it change things for me. You've made a man stronger today OP you have my thanks.

                [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Tinderella was riding me and she slapped me one, so I slapper her back.

                OMG! I didn't think you'd slap be back. You're an asshole, but I kinda like it.

                [–]Muk1st 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Well having a maid and cook is pretty great too, but fuck no. Chasing a woman just makes her believe you can't get it anywhere else in turn giving the bitch power over you.

                [–]lt_hindu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                God damn this is too real. Thank you. Really keeping me cantered and focused on what I actually want

                [–]NightShun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Really solid post. A lot of men on TRP tend to fall into a binary sense of thinking (e.g. alphas must behave ONLY this way therefore if I deviate from said behavior, I'm not alpha). Being "alpha" ISN'T a concrete doctrine of absolutes nor is it a set of "learned" behaviors, aka PUA.

                This misconception is what causes a lot of guys to cling to the movie/sitcom "alpha archetype" aka borderline psycho. Just as popular culture reinforces blue-pilled faggotry throughout media, it attempts to condemn those reject a female first outlook which is where the male defined asshole stereotype is rooted.

                Just as OP pointed out, there is a MAJOR difference between the male and female defintion of an asshole. Be the latter. Remain aloof, operate from a point of enlightented and self interest and NEVER take BP's or females too seriously. Stay Red gentlemen.

                [–]Senior Endorsed ContributorBlacklabellogics 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Perhaps a better term is "Gasp.. you jerk!" rather than "asshole". Asshole seems to have too much of a range.

                [–]Username_2017 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                The difference in how women define asshole is like the word, "creepy." I'd always feel so horrible every time a girl called me creepy when I tried to flirt with her, which was often (I'm sure most guys can relate). But being creepy just means you're doing the steps incorrectly. She's letting you know you're gaming her wrong. For example, you tried to be friends first, then tried to flirt, and now it's weird. It's, "creepy." You have to flirt first, and become friends never. This really helps for when the next time someone throws the word, "creepy," at you.

                [–]MrBellsprout123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                This is by far, in my humble opinion, is the most difficult part about TRP. The anger phase for me lasted wayyyyyy too long. Im mean we're talking a solid 7 months. Its gotten sooo much better, but I'm still bitter and pissed off as fuck, but I can't believe how far I've come and if I died today, I wouldn't regret a thing.

                One thing that pissed me off more than women was realizing my blue pill friends, weren't actually my friends. I realized that we were just a bunch of lonely losers that used each other for each others gain. We would drag each other down, glorify jerking off in our rooms and playing video games for 6 hours a day. Once I started lifting, I just realized how shitty my "friends" really were, and I was just as shitty, but I'm not shitty anymore.

                I had one "friend" that was going to ask me to be his best man at his wedding. I realize now that he didn't even like me or appreciate me that much, but I had known him since he was a kid and knew his family really well, and he was just gonna ask me because it what everyone expected. I knew if I wanted to continue my red pill journey I had to cut these people out of my life. One day I just texted him and said:

                "Dude, I'm not going to go to your wedding, so don't ask me."

                Pretty fucked up. And to be honest in hindsight I kind of beat around the bush and should have said :

                "Dude, I'm not your friend, so don't ask me to go to your wedding.

                But regardless, it was the hardest thing I think I ever had to do, but I can't believe how much happier and how much my life has improved sense then, so its all worth it.

                [–]Fulp_Piction 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Late to the party, but here's some stuff that explains op's point:

                For the asshole part: Roissy Reader - Asshole Game. For the letting the past go part: RSDJulien's happiness manifesto on youtube (sounds gay, but it's an hour of 'how to not be a bitter, anxious, gives-a-fuck cunt' gold).

                [–]Schwayless_Knight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Fucken strewth mate, I love the blunt honesty and you didn't sound like a hurt cuck beta. Oath solid post that seriously puts things in the right perspective

                [–]Azwethinkweizm7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                This "alpha" urge to dominate that you all seem to worship is a brittle, empty shell, erected to protect your inner insecurities. Your perception that "only assholes" get women is nonsense. Your perception that women reject you because you are "nice" is nonsense. To be sure, sniveling and whining and putting women on pedestals will not get you far, but truthfully, putting yourself on a pedestal and treating women as objects for your own gratification only gets you as high as your own arbitrarily fabricated pedestal.

                You can absolutely be both confident and kind. You can absolutely treat women like equal human beings and find love. All women are not the same: you are viewing them through your own flawed, oversimplifying, lens. The best woman for you is not the one you assign the numerically highest hotness rating, and framing your life as a competition to "score" with "9's and 10's" will only temporarily satisfy the feeling of inadequacy that started you on this ultimately empty path.

                Please. Move beyond this silly, juvenile, "alpha"/"beta" bullshit dichotomy. Just because you "took the red pill" and had a feeling of awakening does not mean you have reached some Ultimate Truth. There are more levels to the game than being king monkey

                [–]trevortackyl 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                I just got dumped by a girl named Jessica. All to relevant post. Good one OP.

                [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                To riff on A Game of Thrones, an ex has no name, haha.

                [–]bigmfkr -1 points0 points  (4 children)

                This sort of shit belongs in getmotivated. A load of feel good words and zero practical advice.

                [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

                All the practical advice in the world doesn't amount to anything if you don't understand the broader philosophical principles animating it.

                Contrast the following two examples:

                1. Man follows practical advice to pick up women and "improve" himself, but he does so with a feeling of "I'll show them" bitterness toward the world. He lifts weights, learns pick-up artist techniques, improves his appearance, gets a good job, etc., but all the while he's driven by anger at external forces and circumstances, not by self-respect and genuine lust for life. How much success will he have, with women and otherwise? Probably more than a man with a similar disposition who doesn't know and follow the practical advice, but still not a lot, certainly not enough. Because his successes, no matter how numerous, don't ever bring him happiness, due to his failing to attend to his damaged psychological core.

                2. Man follows practical advice to pick up women and actually improve himself, with hard-earned respect for himself and a true passion for living. In most visible respects, he does the same things as Man #1, but because he is emotionally centered and healthy, he does them in a way that is intangibly, yet undeniably, more magnetic and effective. All else being equal, he enjoys more success than Man #1, in part because he's right with himself and it shows, but also because he is more resilient in the face of his failures, which are inevitable. And not only does he enjoy more success, his success genuinely builds upon his happiness and self-esteem. Rather than propping up his weak and ailing self-worth, his accomplishments and experiences build upon his already healthy emotional core. He just gets keeps getting better and better, instead of merely medicating his internal pain with points on a scoreboard.

                [–]bigmfkr 0 points1 point  (2 children)

                Oh, I absolutely agree. However, what you're missing is that going from first case to the second one, and obtaining

                hard-earned respect for himself and a true passion for living

                require deep psychological changes. Which are made by undergoing therapy, hard work on world view and sometimes even require using psychoactive substances. Never by reading getmotivated-style posts on reddit.

                [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                Yes, it's true such changes require far more than just reading "motivational" internet posts, but sometimes posts like that (and other random thoughts) can provide the impetus to begin the hard work of making those changes – or the inspiration to stick with it, as reflected by some of the other commenters here. Anyway, I'm glad you agree that there's much more to this stuff than just the practical techniques.

                [–]bigmfkr 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                That inspiration from reading the post never lasts longer than 15 minutes.

                And you misunderstood me a bit. Changing your outlook on life and view of self is an area of self-improvement. As valid as lifting or making cash. My issue with this post was that it provided zero practical advice on how to achieve that. It's a variety of "just be confident". No shit Sherlock. It's just that no one ever talks about how to do that.

                [–]tomothy94 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

                Are you seriously spending hours writing essays on why girls don't like you?