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Red Pill TheoryTime Passed is the Asset of the Better Man (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by EnterDiscourse

Much of the tone on TheRedPill and asktrp, at times, is one of urgency and franticness.

  • “My girlfriend did [insert common response to Beta behavior], OMG what should I do?”
  • “I handled this one chick I’ve had my eye on like [scarcity mentality tell]. She may be into me, but not sure. Any tips?”
  • “I just caught my girl texting some other guy. Confronted her and she denied it! AWALT, amiright haha?”

The Red Pill mindset – and the positive outcomes associated with it – is not one of specific instances, but rather the culmination of the work you’ve put toward becoming a better man. It’s impossible to tell a (still) recovering Beta specifics to fix his imminent problem, when the deeper issue is his stunted Red Pill transformation. It’s like trying to put lipstick on a pig.

Instead of focusing on a woman or her byproducts thereof, the most important thing for any man – that will simultaneously help with a specific intergender problem anyways – is to focus on improving himself.

Shit happens. You’ll get laid off at work. Your girlfriend will cheat on you. Your car will break down. You’ll go home from the bars alone. If you go from one situation to the next thinking and reacting to specifics, you’ll never improve to be a man that both handles these situations better, but more often avoids them in the first place.

The good news is that becoming a better man – a Red Pill man – has no urgency or pressure associated with it. In fact, a slower transformation is more internalized and understood. The weight of the world is not on your shoulders.

At least not this very second, anyways.

Going to the gym four days a week takes discipline, routine, and hours in a schedule. Reading The Rational Male takes tens of hours of digest and comprehend. Game takes months of approaching, failing, and critiquing. Excelling at your career takes years upon years to find success. Perfecting a hobby can be an endless time-pour for meditation and relaxation.

You see, your time, efforts, and energy are better spent not on the (often Beta-induced) matter at hand, but rather slowly refining your mental schema to understand how a better man would live a life. Because that’s how a man lives his life: slowly, methodically and always trying to become better.

The funny thing is, once you’ve put working on yourself first, you’ll find that talking to that hot brunette at the café doesn’t carry near the anxiety it would have before. There are tons of hot brunettes out there, and you know most would kill to be with a guy like you. Similarly, you aren’t worried about your LTR leaving you, because you could replace her with a better girl at a moment’s notice.

So if you find yourself stressed with the urgency of a given situation – especially those concerning women, take a step back and evaluate if your (recent) time passed has you and your development as its core focus. We all, at times, can backslide. It’s these frantic situations that can be a good reset for your future time and efforts going back to where they belong, improving you.

Success – with women and without – finds you because you have put in the time and effort and actually are a better man, not because you act it.

-EnterDiscourse


[–]Roaring40sUK 142 points143 points  (14 children)

The good news is that becoming a better man – a Red Pill man – has no urgency or pressure associated with it.

A nice take on the subject.

We prize things that have taken time to perfect - art, wine, Whiskey, even (hand built) cars.

So, why not ourselves? The sense of urgency is usually false, hamstered by our ego or some kind of external validation.

As a late 40's man, I know I am now the man, I could only be right now.

[–]massivewang 129 points130 points  (14 children)

Me at 27 recently swallowed the TRP:

  • virgin
  • giant people pleaser
  • 30 lbs over weight
  • no hobbies, no idea who I was
  • 15k net worth

Me at 32 :

  • Living in Brazil for work on a four year assignment
  • N count of 13
  • have established good boundaries (still a work in progress - but I'm doing awesome thanks to "No more mr nice guy"
  • lost that thirty lbs, lift 5x a week
  • hobbies - shooting, beach, etc
  • been on once in a life time trips - World Cup, olympics, backpacked Europe, etc.
  • Bilingual (learned Portuguese)
  • 200k net worth

I've grown a fuck ton in the last five years. I'm no Casanova, I go out and come home empty handed, have days where I feel like a failure, etc. I am still fighting beta tendencies, but with each day I'm getting a better idea of who I am and how I want to live my life.

Forward motion over time adds up, whoever feels like they're at the bottom of the pit and will never make it out, don't give up. Keep your head up, find actionable ways to grow, and be open to the opportunities that come your way - expected or unexpected.

[–]redpill-account 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Wow, I love hearing real progress like this. Thanks for sharing and congrats on progress

[–]Oink7 14 points15 points  (2 children)

I'm so thankful as a man, I can find pure joy reading your awakening. Strength and honor.

[–]Fedor_Gavnyukov 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Strength and honor.

what we do in life echoes in eternity

[–]Roaring40sUK 2 points3 points  (0 children)

what we do in life echoes in eternity

And in the meantime, unleash hell!

[–]Stumptronic 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That is why I love this sub. Thanks for sharing man.

[–]OzzyDaGrouch 4 points5 points  (1 child)

What kind of work did you get into that changed your net worth and ability to travel so much?

[–]massivewang 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Studied STEM, transitioned to being a contractor which doubled my income. Living overseas adds perks (housing/car paid/income tax exlcusion, etc).

[–]Canarlottle 4 points5 points  (0 children)

whoever feels like they're at the bottom of the pit and will never make it out, don't give up

When you realize that you are at the bottom, you can only go one way. Up.

[–]CHIPPENDALESIXNINE 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Any suggestions for the rest of us trying to make our way? What things helped you the most and how did you implement them?

[–]massivewang 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I was a gigantic people pleaser up until the age of 27, which was compounded by the fact that I became an overly zealous evangelical Christian at the age of 17.

My career sort of fell into place on its own, I lucked out in that I studied stem, and that by working hard and doing my best I was able to land this assignment in Brazil. This was 100% unplanned and unexpected. In terms of what I focused on:

1.) Attacking my people pleasing tendencies by learning how to:

  • say no to things I don't want to do
  • communicate what I do want
  • push back/stand up for myself
  • set boundaries, give honest feedback, call out childish behavior
  • the book "no more mr nice guy" was fundamental in this process. As we're game principals like "amused mastery" and "agree and amplify". They helped me not only with women, but with situations in general. I found I was able to take myself less seriously and deflect "alphas" who may have been trying to punk me in social situations.

2.) lifting. I started with p90x, then went to StrongLifts 5x5 with intermittent fasting, then to a five day split (I've got the time here in Brazil).

3.) Trying new things to discover what I like/don't like. I did not know who I was in a lot of ways when I TRPed. A year afterward I found myself with a month long vacation planned in Europe, I had no idea if I liked nature, cities, museums, etc. I wanted to go to London, so I went, and from there chose a bunch of places I thought I'd like to see. Some places I loved and fun, other places were meh.

4.) Going out, trying to pick up, date, etc. This is where the TRP/game principles were affirmed before my very eyes. I'm not someone who can go out and pull with consistency, I'm far from it. But I went from being s virgin to sex with 13 women over the course of 4 years. I ended up dating a girl for a year whose number I got by approaching her table in a restaurant and asking for it - I had never done that in my life. Brazil is a special place, its much easier to approach here than anywhere I've seen. Being a tall handsome and relatively rich (in their eyes) American also helps me. But you still need game/TRP. I also am intrinsically outgoing, so approaching people in general isn't an issue for me even though I'm no master of pickup.

Overall I just had to live life and do the work. As I experienced things I learned and grew. When I first TRPed I was ANGRY AS FUCK. I felt like I had been lied to and threw away ten years of my life. I was fucking pissed that I moved to north east Brazil, a place that oozes sex, and didn't have a fucking clue with women. At any rate the anger has subsided.

Your journey is not mine, there are no rules or expectations. Work on yourself, pursue growth, do your best. Take the bad with the good and hold onto hope and the longterm when you feel like you can't do it. Living in Brazil has been an amazing experience, it's also been hard and challenging as fuck. I am definitely ready to go home and I'll be a new man when I do.

[–]Lazysaurus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing your process. I just discovered No More Mr Nice Guy a month ago and have begun my recovery. I will incorporate much of what worked for you into my plan.

[–]Roaring40sUK 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nice progress my friend, you are already ahead of 80% of your cohort.

[–]The_Tau_Nutrino 28 points29 points  (2 children)

Time is the #1 Asset. We all have our weekends out, or our lazy days here and there... but never lose sight of the value of TIME.

Make your time YOURS. Spend it truly. Do not let it pass by without mention. Do not devote yourself to some pension fund without realizing that that beach vacation could be yours as soon as next week. There should only be two options: Use your time enjoying yourself, or working on yourself. Majority the latter.

I'm beginning to realize I need to start endorsing specific habits that get my day started and keep me on track. Habits are key.

[–]Enlightened_Chimp 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Definitely. I have all these things I want to do in life but time keeps passing by and it feels like the same day plays over and over. I'm 26 and making a lot of money for my age (~200k/year) but I'm not enjoying my time. A few weeks ago I started a bucket list of shit I need to do before I die and decided I'm just going to start doing things. Life is too short. I'm taking a trip to Thailand next month to practice Muay Thai (becoming a skilled fighter being one of the things on my list). Time is so valuable and people don't seem to value it as much as they should until they're 60 years old, just got diagnosed with cancer and their energy levels are already at a point where it's too late to go back and do the things they wanted to do. Life's all about balance but people really need to find ways to maximize their time instead of letting the system dictate what they do with their time.

[–]The_Tau_Nutrino 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm 23 and about to graduate. I could have gone public accounting but I am taking more of an entrepreneurial route because I decided I value my time more than money for now. Time is hugely valuable. There are other versions of success that people don't even think about. Can you dance, give a toast at a wedding, entertain a room, do you have a fun and fulfilling circle of friends? Money isn't all that much at the end of the day if your boring, depressed, and alone. Or if you're working 80 + hour weeks but aren't enjoying your life.

Of course I do have a recourse if needed. If the entrepreneur life fails I think I could adjust and get an MBA before I'm 30. But for now, I just need to go my own way.

[–]HumanInTheRaw 17 points18 points  (2 children)

A good way to compliment this perspective is to step back and take a serious look at where you are and where your life is. We have built up such a false concept of what life is that we stress over not having icing while ignoring the cake itself.

Do you have food to eat? Do you have a roof over your head? Are you healthy?

If you can answer yes to these questions then it is okay to slow the fuck down.

Always believe in yourself and work every day to better yourself and your situation but don't think it has to be done over night.

Whatever it is about yourself that you want to improve or whatever situation you are in that you would like to get out of is the result of the entire happenings of your life.

So to think you can fix something permanently overnight is misguided at best.

Go out and get the icing! That is what makes life sweet.

But don't overlook the cake that is already sitting in front of you.

[–]Roaring40sUK 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A good way to compliment this perspective is to step back and take a serious look at where you are and where your life is. We have built up such a false concept of what life is that we stress over not having icing while ignoring the cake itself.

Nicely said. Build the cake first, and appreciate it. Then go get some icing. But also, dont try to make the cake too big, leave some time and money on the table for the icing..

[–]eccentricrealist 38 points39 points  (5 children)

That's what I've always liked about TRP as opposed to PUA, you see all those artists nowadays and they're either broke, fat, getting a divorce, etc, meanwhile the endorsed contributors here are all working on themselves constantly whether you agree with their mindset or not.

Wish not for lighter burdens but for broader shoulders.

[–]ARREST_HILLARY_NOW 5 points6 points  (4 children)

can you name some names? who are the fat broke divorced ex-PUA artists?

[–]redpill-account 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I don't know any specific PUA , but I know just in life that there a lot of guys good with women and have game but end up losing the ir charm , and they have no foundatjon and end. Up with average life

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is why I still follow the RSD guys to an extent. They continue to evolve and, while women remain a focus, their overall messages and mission are so much deeper.

[–]ImHydeRightNow points points [recovered]

There's a drunk Russian guy at my gym who is full of wisdom. He noticed me trying to put on too much weight on my squat, so much that I sacrificed my technique. He called me out on it, and then delivered a quote I've since carried close to my heart: "the only way to do it is the hardest way. Do you want some beer...with vodka in it?" What he means is that you have to be patient and work slow. Slow, steady progress is more productive and positive than sporatic bursts. I agree with everything you're saying, make small, daily progress, and in a few years you'll be a lot further along.

[–]Fedor_Gavnyukov 7 points8 points  (1 child)

wouldn't be a good gym without a drunk russian guy there

[–]epixs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

lmao wish my gym had a token russian drunk guy giving out pearls of wisdom

[–]SW9876 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The good news is that becoming a better man – a Red Pill man – has no urgency or pressure associated with it.

Men are appreciating assets and women are depreciating assets

[–]akru3000 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This post if such a breathe of fresh air. I often found myself scrolling over these posts lately and solely think "cool story bro". Lame field reports or things that can be answered on the side bar. Thanks for contributing to TRP.

[–]redpill-account 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Most over estimate what they can do in a year and under estimate what they can do in 10.

The journey of self improvement is one of a life time.

Great post

[–]Versacedave 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Great post and absolutely true, I've realized this myself in the past few years. Once you can combine patience and discipline, and the understanding that consistently chipping away at something will produce results, you'll gain a new perspective on many difficulties in life, they no longer become roadblocks, just timetables

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Me rn lmao: - Broke college student paying my way with scholarships - freshmen comp sci major - not in frat, so cant party(aka no girls since high school), frats arent for me tho so im ok with it - lift 3x a week full body workout. - current goa 3.6 lol

Im working on it lol

[–]konfettiboy 9 points10 points  (0 children)

But I want to fuck a hot chick right now.

[–]Redpillbrigade17 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good reminder. Some of the stuff you mention takes not months, but years.

[–]Luckyluke23 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thanks for posting this man... the content as of late has been really low on here for the past month or so ( i wish i could post some, but i haven't been laid in forever)

i wish people would dive into more red bill concepts. instead of posting shitty FR's and " don't be this guy posts"

also, if I get told just " to lift"( i life 4 times a week) and "check out this AWALT" again I think I'm going to puke. post something new!!!!

[–]lifeisledzep 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is really well written. Your approach on the matter is a very important aspect of trp

[–]makesthingsdirtier 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I really needed this analysis right now.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can't give enough thanks for this post

[–]Lazysaurus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Excellent post, real wisdom for me to internalize. I just recently discovered TRP and my Nice Guy Syndrome. I'm 42, so I feel a lot of regret for living so much of my life the wrong way, and that has given me a lot of impatience to improve ASAP. But this won't be a sprint, it will be every step I take for the rest of my life.