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Rant/VentingDon't sleep with crazy women for the sake of your children. My story of being raised by a single Mom. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by [deleted]

Edit: Thanks for the support guys.

On my twenty-third birthday, I was out to dinner with my brother and Mom and her new husband. My Mom got wine drunk and when her Husband left to feed the meter she told me that she had gotten an abortion before she was with my Dad. It turns out that she became good friends with my Dad, in part, because he drove her to get that abortion. She also mentioned that she decided to not keep the baby then because that Chad was stubborn and could be an asshole and did not make as much money as my Dad. The last thing she said was that she was sure the baby would have been a girl.

That line made it all click for me. My Mom had always been borderline obsessive with having a baby girl. When I was a kid I had normal toys, but she also bought my brother and I barbies and later on would paint my nails (clear luckily). Sometimes she would even send me to friends’ houses with her jewelry on and I didn't realize until years later how that estranged me from them. I had no idea why people didn't like me, or thought I was so weird.

As a result of this, she told me frequently when I was quite young that it was okay to be gay, which is fine. However, my family would watch sheek independent movies, one of which is where a guy "find out" he's gay at the age of thirty. My mom pulled me aside when I was four and told me that one day when I'm thirty I could have a wife and kids and find out that I'm gay and never loved my wife and that my life would crash without warning. This terrified me for a long time, really up until I said to myself, even if I am gay, I don't want to be gay. I am completely straight, by the way.

When my parents got divorced is when it got really bad. I grew up thinking that I was poor. I lived in a nice house, but I never bought my own clothes until I was in high school, I didn't eat lunch in high school for many years because I didn't have the money. I was socially awkward isolated because I didn’t have money to go out with groups on the weekend. I found out this year that my Dad had to pay her 7,0000$ a month in child support and she spent it all going out three times a week to date other guys and drink expensive wine. She worked to "create her own business," but only made around five-hundred dollars a month and never kept the business long enough that it was profitable.

What you don't understand about dating women is that if they're a little crazy YOU can handle it because you’re a man. However, if you get a divorce your wife WILL look to your kids to be that emotional rock, or direction of abuse and they cannot handle it because they're kids. My single Mom would come home and sit down and sit down next to me on the couch and sigh loudly about how hard she had been working and then start yelling at us. It would start slowly where I would say we had no food and she would go through all of the random things we had that I could eat, but wouldn’t actually count as food, like canned tomatoes. She would make us something like burned eggs just so she could start screaming at us about how much she does for us, how little we appreciate her, and so on. The first hour of my day home from school for my entire life was a woman literally following me around and screaming at me to do the dishes, or clean something, I suppose because she is a feminist. Two or three days a week she wouldn't even take me to school for half an hour because she wanted me to sweep, or something. I would then get detention at school, or suspended for being late so frequently. When she was really mad, she would even say things like the only thing men are good for is warming the bed.

In the end, she never acknowledged what she did. To this day, she still tells me that the child support she got was “her money” and she earned it. Whenever I remind her about how she was physically and mentally abusive she snaps into this weird zone of just repeating, I was a great Mom, over and over.

When I was in sixth grade I had to be put on schizophrenia meds because I couldn’t handle life anymore and would sit in my room, or hide under my bed for eighteen hours a day trying to sleep. I was even hospitalized once for “being suicidal” even though I was never was. I ended up getting a GED because my grades were horrible. Luckily my teachers later on understood what I was going through and let me stay in advanced classes even though I was failing because I couldn’t complete the homework. I am doing fine now, in Uni and so on. It took me years to realize that I wasn’t crazy. My dad wasn’t around, he just told me to learn to understand her, to understand how she was abused as a kid and how I shouldn’t judge her too harshly. It’s pathetic.

As a side note, I often wonder if my gay friends would have turned out gay if they were raised in other ways. I do not think that being gay is a bad thing, but deep down I wonder if they feel uncomfortable in male roles because they were not taught how to be themselves. You know, aggression is bad, wanting to hunt animals as a kid makes you a psychopath, wanting to fuck girls is bad because they are special princesses, even though they want you to treat them like shit in bed.


[–]indigo_pirate 225 points226 points  (11 children)

That was painful to read.

Good on you for not being a mess currently.

[–]marplaneit 31 points32 points  (1 child)

I'm impressed he didn't kill her mom. Hope OP stays strong and kick asses

[–]thebrandedman 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If ever there was a self defense argument...

[–]Ganaria_Gente 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Agreed, but It's painful yet valuable "field reports" like this, that keep me coming back to this sub

Kudos to op for pulling thru...this was brutal

[–]Rufferto_n_Groo 10 points11 points  (4 children)

At first I thought this was a troll story.

Then I read all the comments saying the same things.

Holy crap.

It makes me feel like I won a lottery.

OP, live well and grow happier. TY for your story.

[–]insoucianc 13 points14 points  (3 children)

You'd be surprised. Feminism has poisoned our family unit and now women look to their children to be their Chad.

[–]theONE843663 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Hah! You just proves the Oedipus complex. If a child snapped hard enough and bullies the shit outta his single mom, she has no choice but to follow suit. You've seen those spoilt child documentaries right? It's mostly single moms failing to maintain boundaries.

[–]insoucianc 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Even more evidence why men are vital to the family.

[–]theONE843663 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly. Discipline is needed.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had a very similar story to him, but I barely made it out alive. It was literally luck, and I did/experienced things I would never admit. Heed this guy's warning. A crazy mother, especially a crazy single mother, can destroy her sons.

[–]newName543456 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Female solipsism takes no prisoners - not even her very own children are safe, if what woman deems best to do is not in line with child's well-being.

[–]1OneRedSock 92 points93 points  (15 children)

My brother and I grew up without our fathers. Separate fathers, same mother.

Not too long ago he equated their relationship to "emotional incest" in regards to the relationship he had with our mother. I don't think she was particularly abusive, but he does make a good point that he was expected to take the father-type role in the family; since he was the older child.

The more I look back and consider it, the more I recognize that as kids we were required to act like men and "do our jobs" to help our mother; but how could we, when we didn't have any men to teach us how? If my grades slipped it wasn't because I had no one to guide me, but because I wasn't "doing my job". I needed real guidance, but I didn't receive it because a single parent simply doesn't have the time.

What's worse, despite my grades slowly declining, my mother forced me into higher level classes -- AP and IB programs -- in High School, saying that I simply wasn't being challenged enough. Her pride and ego in simply giving birth to me out-shined the glaring truth that she couldn't handle being a single mother. No, I had terrible work ethic and I simply had no one teaching me discipline; I know this now. Not having discipline and doing advanced programs? I had my first serious suicidal thought at the age of 14, when the work load got too burdensome and my grades had hit rock bottom; after all, I wasn't "doing my job".

I look back on my childhood with regret at the lack of male models from which I could learn. Being almost 30, I've been playing catch-up my whole life.

TL;DR: OP is right.

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points  (5 children)

Argh fuck that's just about exactly what happened to me as well.

This isn't just a series of isolated yet similar incidents, clearly it's a cultural phenomenon.

[–]Cloudvision points points [recovered]

The stories here sound exactly like what it was for me as well. Was the older sibling of the two and mom lost her mind and went crazy immediately after the divorce. Even to this day she is unable to admit that she was anything but "the heroic single mom who worked hard for us and deserves my eternal respect." Fuck that srsly. Was suicidal so many times...

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (2 children)

I'm sure there are at least some of us whose mothers legitimately tried as hard as they could (in their own feminine way). Mine was insane and went off the rails at the slightest (or no) provocation, so I left home as soon as I could at 18. Fact is that nothing and no one can replace a male role model to a teenage boy; which perhaps has helped to get society to the state it is in currently. No matter how hard they try a single mother simply cannot fulfill the role of both mother and father, it's impossible. Women are often both the villains and victims in this feminised society, while men are expected to shoulder the suffering no matter our age or innocence.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You are hamstering. TRP is about acknowledging that messes like those contained within this topic ARE women trying as hard as they could. That's why they shouldn't be left to their own devices.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's pretty much what I meant

[–]mrsirdickinson 4 points5 points  (4 children)

Being almost 30, I've been playing catch-up my whole life.

I grew up without a father figure too. We lack certain things because we didn't have a male influence. How can we not lack them anymore? Any advice?

[–]ZaxHax17 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I grew up without a father figure too. What sorts of things do you feel like you're lacking in. I feel like in order to succeed you can be your own father figure.

[–]theONE843663 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Male role models is the answer. Hang around old gramps.

[–]insoucianc 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Be glad it's 30 and not 40. You still have plenty of time to slay.

[–]RedBikerMouse 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I look back on my childhood with regret at the lack of male models from which I could learn. Being almost 30, I've been playing catch-up my whole life.

My life in a nutshell. At least I struggled with getting in touch with some people who were older than me by a decade, but didn't know why until I figured out what everyone here is on about.

[–]FreelanceLight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This so much, I look at myself i think what more i could've been if i had just had a strong male role model in my life.

[–]Westernhagen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I recognize that as kids we were required to act like men and "do our jobs" to help our mother; but how could we, when we didn't have any men to teach us how?

In my case, this was combined with punishment if I "acted like a man" in the "wrong" way, i.e., displaying any of the alpha male traits that my mom despised after she divorced my alpha dad.

[–]MrJanglesLovesBooty1 51 points52 points  (2 children)

Damn man, I got angry reading this. Your mom is toxic. That stuff about the jewelry, barbies, and nail painting is really messed up.

I'm glad you're doing better now.

[–]theONE843663 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Srs tho nail painting? That is so fucking retarded I can't even fathom that. Like wtf man that's so fucked.

[–]wanderer779 43 points44 points  (8 children)

One time I was on TRP talking about how a good mother is of enormous value and got downvoted into oblivion. Stuff like this proves my point.

There's a woman in my family who is a shrink. She says that if your parents are crazy it's best to just cut contact and I think she is right. I think a lot of people with shitty parents hold themselves back because they feel some sort of obligation to them or something. I say fuck that. If someone is treating you shitty and there is no way they are going to change, cut them out of your life. Doesn't matter who it is. Life's too short for this BS.

[–]1empatheticapathetic 7 points8 points  (4 children)

This is what I try but it's hard man. Family is the strongest bond there is and my family is very close but each one is Fucking toxic and just spills over bullshit into your world. But you can always rely on them and they're always there when shit gets bad (which it does a lot).

[–]wanderer779 5 points6 points  (2 children)

I am talking about people who are of no value to you at all like OP's mother. Turning your back on your family is only for extreme circumstances.

[–]Westernhagen 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Turning your back on your family is only for extreme circumstances.

More to the point, it is IMPOSSIBLE to escape your crazy family when you are a kid - and that is when you most need to escape them, because you are at your most vulnerable.

[–]theONE843663 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's possible... It's called child abuse cases. Smart kids call up child abuse services and have the single mother bullied to the point where she can't even drink water without get kid's permission.

[–]Xavhorn -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Even Jesus said that you have to forsake your family.

[–]yomo86 2 points3 points  (1 child)

That blood is thicker than water is a BP trope.

Not in a woman-man setting but parents/siblings-you setting. It is the most subtle manipulation.

Using society's agreed upon values, mixing it with no-fault behaviour and extracting reasources just for 'being'.

You technically can win divorces, custody and most interpersonal relationships but you cannot deny or win bloodlines. It is a marvelous system to enslave the more productive part of families.

[–]TheRealLee 9 points10 points  (0 children)

The blood is thicker is misinterpreted. It was originally something like "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." The original meaning was that the relationships you choose were more valuable than family, which you are simply born into.

[–]kaspell 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I needed the last 3 sentences. thanks

[–]TheCeilingisGreen 38 points39 points  (12 children)

Same shit with me. My mother would just come home and yell and yell. I developed a habit of locking my bedroom doors that I didn't break until I had been living on my own for a couple of years. I remember realizing that wasn't normal one day when I was living with my grandmother and she asked me why I would keep locking my door when I was in my room. I told her it was because my mother would just sometimes randomly just run into my room just go apeshit and then leave. She actually had to explain to me that she wasn't going to do that and that I had privacy in my room. That was crazy coming from my grandma too because she was abusive and crazy also but her old school puerto rican mentality always pushed being a man and not being a faggot (literally her and my male cousin sat me down and told me being a "pato" was the worst thing you could ever be and never be one after me saying Ricky Martin made puerto ricans look good). I'm 31 and its been a long journey to realize how fucked up single mother households are for kids.

[–]deforms 5 points6 points  (9 children)

Fuck I used to lock my door for the same reason growing up. I used to get in trouble for locking it so I would lock it as the knob was turning so it wouldn't make a sound. I still do it to this day. I'm 22.

[–]lancer000 10 points11 points  (6 children)

I had both parents (abusive & would never buy me toys). They would also throw away all my toys that I got as gifts from people. To overcome boredom, I would make my own toys or play on the PC (they got me consoles a decade after they came out).They used to & still mock me for playing on the PC or with ratty toys as a kid and said that I was mentally retarded. I also made a gym in my backyard with old scrap when I was 6, and they beat me nude for it. I also had an abusive nanny who would burn me with matches & candle wax which affected my athletic career in school.

TL;DR - What I am trying to say is that parents need to take more care if their kids & not let their emotions impair their child's growth.

[–]Westernhagen 2 points3 points  (1 child)

This is pretty much "how to create a serial killer". Hope you're not one!

[–]blasted_biscuits 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Jesus man, I hope you've turned out okay after being subjected to all that during your formative years.

[–]lancer000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

sus man, I hope you've turned out okay after being subjected to all that during your formative years.

It's still bad since I have to still live with them after I got back to my hometown (house price increase everyday). I am stuck in a shitty paying office desk job & they wont let me leave, so that I can go work on the rigs like a man & earn some big bucks before I am 21.

[–]Huskimbo9 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Fuck man. How are you doing in life now? Do you dwell on it often?

[–]lancer000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just the fact that I could have been athlete, if the maid nanny did not burn my feet or make me chug coke (my parents still wonder how I got a major chest congestion & my system is 200% acidic than other people).... Also I was made fun for being anorexic & even for being obese due to frequent major weight shifts.

The upside of all this is, since I could not do much cardio, I switched to Yoga & now I'm flexible.

[–]gajamada 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Holy shit that lock and turn trick. I can relate.

[–]insoucianc 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same situation. You need to de-program. Man was created to be independent and free.

[–]nadolny7 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You and I along with countless others suffered in similar ways with single mothers. How do we develop a method to uncondition ourselves from everything we learned wrong?

[–]theONE843663 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Male role models. Get male role models. They're plenty on YouTube. Find em!

[–]cuntrolbot 26 points27 points  (5 children)

I relate to this. The single mom will invariably expect her oldest son to be the man of the house. "Emotional incest" is about right. I think it is important to recognize that the situation was shitty.

But on my good days, I instead focus on the upside. I learned how to manage the personality of a woman. For the sake of all of us in the house, this woman needed management. So I did that. If my attitude at the time could have been put into words, it was something like, "Who is going to be a man around here? Why is there no man around here? Looks like I'm the man now, maggots! Get in line."

I was the big strong scary man in the house, at 14. And her boyfriends noticed and respected this... because this was my house. She would complain to them about how much of an asshole I was. And in this experience I learned to be a leader, and internalized all sorts of RP truths about how women communicate.

[–]kaane 5 points6 points  (4 children)

At the age of 14 you are supposed to be a child, not a man. I understand that it was the only way for you to cope with the problems but being forced to mature early in life might be another problem. Be careful

[–]nadolny7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had the same issue and now I struggle to enjoy social outgoings, I have this barrier that makes it hard to enjoy myself, Just taking things too seriously.

[–]theONE843663 1 point2 points  (2 children)

At the age of 14, our ancestors had fathered children and went to war, hunted big game, and a bunch of other shit. There's no age to be a man.

[–]kaane 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Oh come on! I call myself and old fashioned guy, but in todays standards 14 is still a child

[–]theONE843663 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's dependent on culture and location. Where I come from, 14 year olds work the farm and are very mature for their age. So are 14 year old girls. They cook and clean and have many womanly skills.

The west isn't representative of humanity FYI!

[–]neetpepe 65 points66 points  (17 children)

This is an important post.

My experience was similar. My parents lived together on and off again when I was growing up. My dad has a personality disorder, so my mom was justified in leaving him (this wasn't about money, he never had any and comes from a lower-class than her), but what I realize now is that this is part of what attracted her to him in the first place.

I remember many times when I was growing up they'd argue, he'd freak out and become violent, the police would be called, they'd ask my mom if he should go to jail or if she wanted to go somewhere else for the night, we'd leave temporarily, and then she'd ask me about her relationship, "Do you think I should go back to him?" How could I have known one way or the other when I was six years old?

If you're the child of a single mother she will inevitably look to you to be beta bucks and it screws you up. It's just been in the last year that I've noticed this and realized how much it damaged me.

[–][deleted] 39 points40 points  (5 children)

Yeah, when I was nine my mom sat down with me and asked if she could get a divorce, I broke down and said no. For the next few years she stayed because I asked her too, until they got in a fight and I said she could leave.

I know how you feel, why would you ask a kid that? How could they process that sort of thing? You don't realize how bad that is until you're an adult and realize you would never do that to your kids, but you don't know when you're young because you have no perspective.

[–]Appleseed12333 13 points14 points  (3 children)

I can't believe she ASKED you for permission for a divorce. That's the exact opposite of being a parent. She's the one you is suppose to raise you, teach you, be an example for you, and here she is asking you how you want to live your life as if you can understand the importance of having a father in your life, and more importantly the downsides of not having one.

What child, nevermind a nine year old, would say "Sure mom, I don't need a dad". In what world should the child state how they should be raised?

[–]AnjaJutta 5 points6 points  (2 children)

We as a redpill should found a how to be a parent school.

[–]Appleseed12333 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Honestly a great idea, but marriage and children is more MRP subreddit thing. Not sure how many parents (current and to be) will be interested. Maybe a starter post to find out? I can't add since I don't want kids.

[–]insoucianc 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pretty sure almost no TRP user wants kids anytime soon.

[–]NothingIsPermanent64 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's so fucked up. That question must be designed to fuck up the child being asked because at the end of the day, I wouldn't want my child to feel responsible for the divorce.

[–]2renzy77 33 points34 points  (4 children)

If you're the child of a single mother she will inevitably look to you to be beta bucks and it screws you up.

I had the same experience. They invert the parent-child relationship and expect you to be the shoulder they can cry on despite the fact that you're just a kid. If they don't have a man to lean on they'll co-opt their son into the role.

[–]spinalmemes 27 points28 points  (2 children)

They do even worse damage to their daughters. Turn them into a mini version of themselves to justify the behavior.

[–]zyzzguido55 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ugh. Yep. My ex who cheated and I dumped is a carbon copy of her mom. I worked some handyman work with her close family friends and her and her mom are the same exact shitty people.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

If you're the child of a single mother she will inevitably look to you to be beta bucks and it screws you up

A dated an older single mother years ago. She had a 19 year old son who I didn't meet until well into the relationship. I finally met him and he was a good kid. I took him to a bar around the corner one afternoon in an effort to "bond" with him and he told me some stories about growing up:

From the age of 14, he began to work part time. Almost monthly, mom asked him to pay bills. Gas. Electricity. Water. Internet etc because she didn't work. He assumed the patriarchal role early and learned to repair and fix things around the house.

He left home at 18 to join the military. After a couple of months he came home for a weekend to find that mom had sold his laptop, his stereo, his toolkit and was now using his car full time which now needed a bunch of new stuff because she hadn't looked after or serviced the car.

Since he'd joined the military she was already hitting him up for money again. He said in his 18 years, she'd only ever worked 1 job for maybe a year... always had an excuse why she can't work.

Told me his mom had a long history of dating losers, particularly heavy drinkers, deadbeats and had been smacked around a few times. One guy even hit him. She never left these men. They left her. Poor kid spent all of his childhood moving from one house to whoever mom was banging's house.

He said he thought I was a good dude, but doesn't expect me to stick around and "put up with moms bullshit"... I didn't. Sorry buddy.

Last I heard he'd gotten fed up with her and moved to the other side of the country with no plans to return. Good on him.

[–]IGiveFantasticAdvice points points [recovered]

I would guess that there are a lot of guys in this sub who had mothers like this. Guys with stable families and good parents don't need to be taught the right thing to do, they learned by example, but those of us with whack job moms (and dads) need to learn this from others.

[–]insoucianc 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think almost everyone is here due to shitty parenting dynamics actually.

[–]joeyjojosharknado 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Women are often like this with their kids. Share too many personal details with their kids (even about their sex life and relationships, which kids are in no way equipped to discuss), try to be their friend, often in a desperate manner. It's because women are emotionally needy and immature.

[–]yomo86 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same experience. My mom and I haven't talked sinced I moved out. She was a constant distressed mother Theresa who could do no wrong but fucked violent men (she was violent herself) and introduced them to us as new daddies.

After I landed my first 75k job and heard about it from some blabbermiuth who works at the DMV she wanted to 're-kindle'.

[–]czech_man 16 points17 points  (8 children)

OP, do you maybe have an estranged brother? Because you just described my mother.

Single mother household. Abusive. Never acknowledged what she did. Never acknowledged the work i did. Took all childcare money for herself. She litteraly took money my grandma saved for me, bought some new kitchen bullshit, went on a holiday, and puff - college money gone. She also sold the appartment she invested my money into, without my consent.

She now locked down another beta. Everything all over again. The worst is how badly she is fucking up my sister - the person i care about the most in the world. She is almost obese at the age of six. She is picking up all her stupid fucking habits, how she treats her husband, throws tantrums. Funny, she never even tries that shit on me, because she knows I'm not her beta father, nor her abusive mother. It makes me incredibly sad knowing how little good influence is in her life.

Either way, OP is telling the truth. AWALT

[–]lancer000 4 points5 points  (6 children)

abusive mother. It makes me incredibly sad knowing how little good influence is in her life.

Please get your own place & file custody of your sister. Don't let a 6 year old go through hell.

[–]czech_man 3 points4 points  (5 children)

I thought about it many times. However, she has her own father - even though he is a beta bux, he is ought to take care of her. I'm nineteen, a freshman in college

[–]lancer000 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Well then go ahead with your career. Do advice her about her weight & any other important stuff. Always remember an Alpha's wolf pack (family) is the most important thing he must lead.

[–]insoucianc 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Since when does being alpha mean giving a fuck about family?

[–]lancer000 points points [recovered]

[–]insoucianc 1 point 18 minutes ago Since when does being alpha mean giving a fuck about family?

Alpha is the head of his family. His every command is law that his pack must follow. Without a pack, there is no Alpha. (Friends are you pack, until you settle down & start your own strong family).

[–]TheGreatPompey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To the Alpha wolf the family are those either mated to, or descended from him. A 'side branch' would not be treated as family.

[–]joeyjojosharknado 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Never acknowledged what she did.

It's a fool's errand to expect women to learn from their mistakes. The hamster is too strong. It's why they fail at personal development.

[–]sickofallofyou 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Its called emotional incest.

[–]Appleseed12333 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Cutting my mother out of my life was the best thing I ever did.

I use to suffer WILD mood swings. A cold breeze could make me depressed, or a catchy song could make me happy all day. Terrible time. During that time I had the hardest time making friends, especial male friends. So naturally, I looked towards females for friends. Of course as we all know here, girls make horrible friends, and I found my self keeping to myself most of the time, usually finding a small spot in the play ground away from everyone.

Now, why was this? Probably many things, lack of a father or role model, a loud yelling single mother that acted more like a roommate that demanded payment in chores, isolation that came with living in the country, and being a single child. BUT, the day I told myself I'm cutting my mother out of my life was the day all that stopped.

I generally became happy, I'm never stressed, friends are eaiser to make, life just slowly became better. Stress from having expectations of my mother to be a parent were gone, replaced with zero expectations of anyone. That day was the day I started taking control of my life. And step one was to (secretly, I would never admit to it) ignore other people's advice which I didn't seek out first, have zero expectations of other, and to start living my life for myself, not the pleasure of others.

[–]Gagnostopoulos 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I'm really sorry all of that happened to you. But you came out of it and learned from it. Solid points.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I would like to see Dr Phil rip into your mum, but it would not help. She wants to be a victim and her mental issues will not be resolved. You need to just focus on you, for what it is worth, you will feel better if you just forgive her and keep your distance. She was fucked up, she will never make amends and she will never learn, best to just get on with your life. You had a rough deal, meditate, keep a healthy strong body, find a good counsellor if that helps you. Focus on your mission and live a good life

[–]spinalmemes 9 points10 points  (0 children)

This is what a lot of male kids have had to deal with in modern society. You are not alone.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You are so right dude. I don't know if everyone will understand, because it's something you have to live through, but people that are mentally unstable tend to be very emotionally needy and incredibly obsessed with having things in a manner that they think they SHOULD be rather than how they will logically turn OUT TO BE.

This goes both for the predictions they have for the future and the image they have of themselves in their own head, it's like that's carved in stone and everything that contradicts it is just a blip that you ignore. Cognitive dissonance, but about everything, not just politics, opinions on movies/actors/people/driving and especially on your own abilities.

That gay stuff, the nail painting, the encouragement, the jewellery - that's freaking ghastly. You can't "turn" someone gay but you can damn well make sure they alienate themselves in front of their peers.

The school, food and homework situation you described made me really sad.

You should be proud of yourself for recognising how badly ill she is, not everyone would - BELIEVE ME.

[–]wsba910am 20 points21 points  (3 children)

Reminds me of my former mom. I was just thinking today how she would molest me when I came for physical love. I wanted to be hugged and a hand on my back or holding my hand. But she saw that as sexual.

She would yell like yours did, and force us to clean for her for quarters and nickels, like other posters' moms did. Every now and then she would walk into one of our rooms and trash it, throw LEGO models and rifle through chests of drawers and cast everything into a heap of rubble in the middle of the room on the floor. Then tell us to clean it all up, while we're shaking with fear of what she'll destroy next.

This monster would later read us stories at night. Stories other people wrote since I doubt she could write anything about love. "Goodnight Moon" and "Forever and Always". And when this happened it was an ambient space between terror and calm where I couldn't decide whether she was good now or would snap again tomorrow in rage at us.

She and her husband would stay married until I was 23. Then all Hell truly broke loose. She started letting drug dealers into the house, one of whom raped my sister. When I protested I was told I was an idealist and then threatened to back down or I'd be on the streets. She got drunk night after night blaming her ex husband for sheltering her. And she would vomit hatred on me when I disapproved, saying I was just like him (her ex). And I was the firstborn.

All my life she has tried to get people to hate me. Calling the FBI saying I'm a potential terrori.s.t. Walking out of the house with suitcases packed saying how I don't love her and don't change, when I'm 7 years old crying at the foot of the bed begging her not to go and that I'll be good and change, to give me a chance.

Small wonder I've always picked women who would leave me in the end, gone after jobs to disappear from people, the way my former dad chose work over me. Can we break the mold? God carries me. But I look back and this cultish idea that women are good and can do no wrong, that it's men's fault they are like that, and that they are on some pedestal, I've wrongly idealized her.

[–]Ganaria_Gente 25 points26 points  (2 children)

Damn bro....

I fucking hate how society over privileges women ...You'll never hear stories like yours on International women's day

[–]landon042 6 points7 points  (1 child)

jesus reading all of these stories about single moms is the same EXACTLY it's insane how close they all are, and what we see on Tv about the hardworking single mom working 14 hours a day to raise her kids and she's the perfect loving mother.

God I have no sympathy for the waste of space mentally ill women that pretend to be an adult but expect a child to raise itself

I do feel bad for these kids, because they had no choice to be put in their position, luckily guys here have a way to make their life good even though they had a hard upbringing they noone should have to go through.

but thinking about the rest of the country, all the kids that don't have this place to guide them, the will be fucked up for life most likely, a country full of adults that never learned to grow up, gonna be hell if this feminist "single mother praise" shit doesn't stop

[–]insoucianc 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Our generations utter void of masculinity can be ascribed to this phase not stopping.

[–]Huskimbo9 5 points6 points  (1 child)

So you moved out right?

You still speak to her?

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I moved out. I still speak to her occasionally because for some reason I think having some contact with my parents keeps me more sane on a natural level.

Once or twice a year she snaps out of it and says something genuine that makes me think she's normal somewhere in there. Idk, it's also a little creepy.

[–]galax1221 11 points12 points  (0 children)

You went through some shit man. You are fucking strong. One day at a time. Start lifting if you haven't.

[–]serael 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Wow. You hold your head high and be the man you want to be. Don't be burdened by the baggage of your mom, and keep being the person you are. You are great. Don't ever EVER lose sight of that.

[–]deforms 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Wow. This puts my woile fucking life in perspective. I didn't even consider single mothers taking out their relationship frustration out on the kid, I thought my childhood was normal. I thought my mom was giving me "tough love". It doesn't help that I'm almost a literal carbon copy of my father either. Just wow it all fucking makes sense now. Thanks for the post.

[–]Westernhagen 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I didn't even consider single mothers taking out their relationship frustration out on the kid,

Oh yeah. And I didn't really understand how severely my mom's rage at my dad affected ME until I was an adult.

[–]massivewang 4 points5 points  (0 children)

http://www.narcissisticmother.com/

Sounds like a batshit crazy narcissist to me. While AWALT is true, NAWAN (not all women are narcissists). This is important an important distinction.

At any rate my mom is a batshit crazy narcissist piece of shit evil bitch as well. While I did not suffer to this extent, I did suffer nonetheless. I cut her out of my life five years ago and am glad I did every day. She was the biggest source of negativity in my life and my greatest adversary.

At the end of the day thankful for TRP for giving me the tools to empower me to take life by the balls and work through this shit.

OP don't get too down about having to play catchup. None of us have this shit all figured it out. There are a lot of us with similar experiences, but even those with healthy mother/son relationships are in the midst of their own fights. There are no rules for where you should be or what you should be doing.

I often get down on myself because I think I should be at a better place. Ad the end of the day I'm too hard on myself, my expectations are not realistic, and I discredit the progress/accomplishments I've made up until this point.

Keep your head up, grind, and do your best.

[–]dankvibez 8 points9 points  (2 children)

I just hope people here realize that a redpill society is not the future. Going around fucking random bitches and pumping their cunts with your seed will only lead to a generation of fucked up people. Look at black culture.

We need to realize that the lack of rewarding men with real values who care about other people is the problem that caused this behavior. Being a good member of society used to be rewarded by getting a good looking, non whore of a wife... Now there is no reward essentially, you don't need money to get laid now. Being a productive member of society does not correlate with how biologically successful you are. That is a really bad thing.

[–]InSunlightWeBelong 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The Red Pill has never been about impregnating hordes of women - in fact many top posters have posted on the importance of wrapping your thing up

[–]ElOweTea 0 points1 point  (0 children)

a generation of fucked up people. Look at black culture.

Can you expound what you mean by this?

[–]Oz70NYC 10 points11 points  (2 children)

Might be off base for asking, but what's your ethnicity? Sounds like damn near every family "run" by a single black mother.

I know from experience...

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (1 child)

I am a white trust fund baby, from my dad's side. My mom grew up dirt poor, so that's probably why it sounds similar. Skin color doesn't make you different, upbringing, money, and culture do.

[–]Mr_Talent 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel very sorry for you man... I don't pity you because I wan't to believe you have/will overcome this, but man do I feel sorry. What a fucked up way to be raised. She is your mother and I won't say anything about her, but we are all thinking the same.

[–]j-mac-rock 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Damm boys, it may be tough but we got to get through all this pain and hatred and abuse from our past and move on and move forward

[–]Soberskipper 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hats off to you. You've come out the other side of a shitstorm of an upbringing. But seriously your mum needs executing. What normal human being tells thier son it's OK to be gay. Been gay is not OK. It's a mental disorder. It runs completely against nature and the way of the universe. Been gay is for faggots. BTW I do not have a personal problem with a single gay person on the planet. But I see them in the same bracket as a paedophile. It's something in thier brain that isn't functioning correctly in order for them to find the same sex attractive to mate with. The end goal of mating is to impregnate. Yet males can't get pregnant so it makes the whole process pointless. Obviously we have sex for fun but our instincts and inner workings are all to do with our primal nature. BTW peedos are the worst of the worst. I personally think we should use them as frontline fodder In the middle east. But it's still a mental illness in my opinion.

[–]GeneralMO points points [recovered]

Story time from my throwaway. I am white and raised by a single mom. These stories really tug on my heart strings because I suffered some of the same shit growing up.

I was raised by a single mom. My father was absolutely fucking destroyed from his previous marriage (hypergamy at its finest example) and was a drunk... My mom drank, smoked, etc... I just remember as a kid she would go absolutely insane some days/nights when she got home from work. We moved across the country to a more conservative area only where she realized that no man wanted a "strong independent caligurrrrl" with baggage. My teachers in elementary and middle school noticed my demeanor being unusually shy most of the time while seperating myself from my peers (probably from the fear of dealing with a fucking nutcase)

Fights were common between my mom and I. If they got really bad: the police/sheriff department was involved (happened 3 times) I still remember the cops every time looking her up & down then at me with a "poor bastard" look on their faces. The worst one was when I refused to clean the garage one day (it was already clean enough) and she absolutely lost her fucking mind. She ripped off her clothes, ran around screaming with a bra, yelled out the windows saying I am a "lazy no good kid" and just acting like a kid who can't get a toy at the store. Emotional incest was common too... my mom always looks to me in ways like a beta bucks: "I pay all the bills", "you buy the food", etc...

I am 20 and still living with her... I am moving ahead in school & work so I can get the fuck out of here. My mission is to become an EMT by fall this year and progress onto a paramedic. I can handle screaming people, gore, and all that jazz...

Gentlemen don't let your emotions get to you if you are or were in my situation... we were raised by women to behave like them. Just chill the fuck out and stay on course.

[–]Huskimbo9 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fuck man. You get the hell outta that house man .save like your life depends on it and leave. I wish you the best of luck. Whatever it takes man.

[–]Herdsengineers 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For any man that has gone through the kind of abuse that OP did - seriously, go find yourself a good, red-pilled male therapist. You're gonna need it. Personally, I don't think my parents were abusive but there were enough unhealthy dynamics my dad brought along with him from growing up in an alcoholic abusive home. It ingrained certain things in me that I didn't manage to figure out were not helping me without the help of a good counselor. There's no shame in it. Abused kids all grow up with certain habitual ways of thinking that lead to issues. You won't figure it out on your own, not completely. At least, I wouldn't have.

To OP - Chances are, your mom wasn't capable of better, and that isn't gonna change. You sound like you're recovering well, though. Just remember to stay accountable to yourself first, and you'll be okay.

[–]sazzmflazm[🍰] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My daughter's mother is a bit of a whack job. TRP has provided me with tools to not enter her frame and to maintain a healthy coparent relationship the way I see fit. It's not always perfect but it's light years ahead of where I would be if I still wore a bluepill lens.

[–]victor_knight 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank God for MGTOW and not having to deal with any of this horseshit.

[–]yomo86 1 point2 points  (0 children)

On another note: don't date single moms, fuck em that's about it. Her spawn is longing for someone who has his shit together and doesn't get mood swings and you will not stick around either because every man with a spine has a threshold of crazy he is willing to endure. And believe me single moms will cross this threshold pretty quickly.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I empathize with you very much.

My Father left my Mother because she was well, looney and controlling. She is a textbook narcissistic parent. What also went with this is my two half sisters from my Mom's previous marriage.

My Mother didn't make me out to be gay like yours did, on the contrary she demanded that I be manly, because there wasn't another man in the house. If I got beaten up at school, I was expected not to cry or complain. She would beat me to bruises, the occasional cut.

She was also hard on my Sisters, one of which simply shut the fuck up and went about her own business of escaping. I like her.

The other sister, also became a narcissist. She would do to me what your mother did to you, dress me in women's clothes, talk about my apparent or closeted homosexuality. Make me listen to David Bowie.

My Mom would get angry at her for "trying to make me gay" and would beat my sister. Who in turn would beat me more for getting caught.

I tried going to my various elementary schools(My mom would move us twice a year, I wasn't at a school for more than 3-4 months until Grade 9.) guidance counselors about the abuse at my Mothers and Sisters' hands. Everytime, they would call my mom and ask about "Trouble at home" my Mom would drag me to school while she was crying her eyes out, talking about how "I always lie about this, and this is why we constantly change schools"

They would eat up her performance without fucking fail. I also went to my father, who was more happy driving truck and banging lot lizards to help me either. He paid nearly 1/2 of his cheque to my Mom, who spent it on her gambling addiction.

This is where my general distrust and distaste for women started, never have i seen such a privileged group of individuals that I can be beaten and they are the victim.

At 16, a few short months after my father died I made it out and into CFS care. Dragged myself from the overall mud, but haven't completely recovered.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Note: While I am straight, I also have to be borderline abusive towards females in bed in order to bust a nut now. I have to be mean for it to be worth it. :S

[–]Xavhorn 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I often wonder if my gay friends would have turned out gay if they were raised in other ways.

Yes, they would. "People are born gay" is one of the biggest lies society has ever seen. Homosexuality is not caused by nature, it is nurtured. It has already been proven that homosexual brains are neurologically different from heterosexual brains. And it is all due to external factors.

[–]Pastelitomaracucho 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Your friends were born gay, if that serves as some sort of consolation.

[–]Barvazon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What you don't understand about dating women is that if they're a little crazy YOU can handle it because you’re a man. However, if you get a divorce your wife WILL look to your kids to be that emotional rock, or direction of abuse and they cannot handle it because they're kids.

Your mother reminds me of mine, and my parents are together. My father is just working all the time and very passive. Have you read No More Mr Nice Guy?

[–]flazznc 0 points1 point  (0 children)

terribly disturbing story. my best to OP. if all this accurate, the mom is batshit crazy. but also, the dad telling him to " learn to understand her, to understand how she was abused as a kid," he ain't a real winner either to say the least. all very, very sad.

-best of luck OP

[–]donedreadpirate 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I moved out ASAP and limit interaction. My experience wasn't nearly as bad as what you went through and it has taken me years to overcome. Still hits me occasionally. Good on you for overcoming and thanks for sharing.

[–]tio1w 0 points1 point  (0 children)

your wife WILL look to your kids to be that emotional rock, or direction of abuse and they cannot handle it because they're kids.

This is called covert incest and it's relatively common in families with absent fathers.

[–]JohnnyDildonics 0 points1 point  (0 children)

have you cut your mother off yet? If not, when? You will always have a certain power over her, especially if she is past the age where she can incubate any more of her current chad's kids. You are one of a few (or perhpas only) offspring she has ever produced, whether she likes it or not. And some years down the road, she will decide she wants to be a grandma or whatever and start pressuring you into providing her with grandchildren. This would be a good time to tell her: 1. No never, because I was taught everything I need to know about women from you. Or 2. I will have them, but you are not welcome to be a part of their lives. ever. Twist those mental screws as only a son can, she deserves it. If you're lucky, she will sink into depression during her later years and maybe even get so sad she kills herself like she almost made you do. Sorry, but that's just what goes around comes around. You don't owe her anything.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will be the devils advocate here and say that there are moms that actually have really sacrificed much for their kids so they could have a normal childhood, however its all about biology. We are born to be raised by two parents that would have different qualities that they would teach us while at the same time gives us protection and love.

To be alone in that task is not something easy, and not everyone is up for it alone.

[–]dancingkungfy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This was hard to read dude. I am frankly happy that you turned out okay.

Unreal what some kids have to go through.

[–]prinzklaus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good job OP on making it out of there.

I knocked up a woman that I suspect was Bi-Polar/Depressive. I was able to convince her to get an abortion, but the 5 months of hell I endured before and after (I stuck around for emotional support afterwards for a few months) was unbearable. I have completely cut out that tumor from my life. One of the reasons I wanted the abortion was because I was worried about her being a mother of my child.

But again man, good on you for growing up and getting out. Keep working hard and overcoming the hand you were dealt. You've already succeeded in a lot of ways by not getting dragged down.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My mother was exactly like that. "Here, play dress-up with your friends!" box contains nothing but dresses

She also let my hair grow long before I was of an age to know better (like, 4) and then insisted that I wouldn't let her cut it to anyone that listened until I thought it was true

[–]aiguo888 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like my childhood except my mother didn't get any major money and worked in some high stress call center job after the divorce that turned her bipolar via excessive stress that she couldn't cope with.

Guess being a strong "independent" woman wasn't such a great idea instead of remaining a housewife...

Got reminded daily that I'm a useless burden, that I should get a job asap when I turned 18 cause men that don't bring in money are useless and she used a couple beta bux for attractiveness affirmation.

[–]ecosci 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When women are giving control with no penalties to worry about this is what you get the state wanted like this to fuel the feminuts agenda they have a clue about female nature and know how harsh it is on innocent kids but all they care about is lining their pockets but things will change here very soon and please dont forget not to get married its a curse not a blessing.

[–]perplexedm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

she told me frequently when I was quite young that it was okay to be gay, which is fine.

I hate these kind of indoctrination and such people.

[–]1nonthaki 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fuck all bitches, even Red Pill ones and fuck your dad because he left You .

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I was with you until you alluded to being gay being caused by upbringing.

And yeah, wanting to kill animals, in general, as a kid is usually a bad sign

[–]syf3r -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Downvote me if you want. But this post isn't TRP. This is feminine drama shit and you all are circle jerking... jeezus christ, this sub is becoming more feminine than a box of twinkies