Guide for better 1-on-1 conversations - begginner/intermediate (self.TheRedPill)
submitted 2 years ago by [deleted]
[–] points points points 49 years ago
[–][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points 2 years ago (1 child)
Yes I've heard that before, it's good advice but I like it more in the context of your demeanour - are you comfortable around her, are you clearly relaxed to be talking to her etc.
interacting like you're old friends you might say.
[–][deleted] 73 points74 points75 points 2 years ago (12 children)
Great write up. This shit is really obvious but it's clear TRP attracts a lot of men who have very little/zero social skills, so great idea.
[–][deleted] 44 points45 points46 points 2 years ago (0 children)
Well we've all got to start somewhere haven't we.
I'm lucky, when I first came on here it was on a light day, on some others it could just be seen as too intense to get into as a noob.
I've got an advanced one typed up that I'm going to post soon too, if you liked this one keep an eye out.
[–]MEpicLevelCheater 12 points13 points14 points 2 years ago (1 child)
If TRP readers had flawlesssocial skills and access to all the facts, then they would not need TRP.
This place exists to educate.
[–]phareux 21 points22 points23 points 2 years ago (5 children)
I don't even know how to talk to guys
[–]JimGusa 17 points18 points19 points 2 years ago (2 children)
I feel you man. I've been dealing with social anxiety for about a year or two now and it's tough.
I wasn't always nervous in social situations. I used to be a great socialite but after some embarrassing fuck ups in college, social interactions tend to be a challenge for me. The thing I found that helpped me the most (beside quiting porn and slowing down my weed consumption) was just smiling at strangers I make eye contact with. Nine times out of ten they will smile back and that small positive interaction with a stranger helps boost your confidence. Next step is to talk to a stranger. I like to do this while in the checkout line. If I see someone purchasing say a movie i've seen, I'll make a comment about it like "hey, smart purchase. so and so is really good in that movie."
It's really all about baby steps and taking it one day at a time.
[–][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points 2 years ago (0 children)
I've got something in the pipeline to post that you might find interesting.
Good thing already is - you know you've got to push yourself to make progress.
[–]lancer000 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children)
Nice advice brother. I plan to follow it, in order to achieve better results in increasing my social skills.
[–]6ix_ 4 points5 points6 points 2 years ago (0 children)
Same here, brother. Been on TRP for a while but since a recent break up, I feel significantly more awkward. Which is really fucking annoying because there was a time that life felt so effortless. Now, I lost my first LTR and I feel like I'm losing my friends too. Oh well, life is always gonna have its ups and downs. Right now I'm just focused on building my body. Stay strong, brother. We are all gonna make it.
[–]ep1939 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children)
"Lead men, women will follow".
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children)
Sometimes a reminder is nice for people who are still internalizing. Repetition is the best teacher and all that.
[–]gemmagems 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children)
it's clear TRP attracts a lot of men who have very little/zero social skills
it's clear TRP attracts a lot of men who have very little/zero social skills
I wonder why :)
Makes me love this dysfunctional little community.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 2 years ago (0 children)
Or you know, guys that grew up without dads in a matriarchal family.
[–]EveryoneIsGod 21 points22 points23 points 2 years ago (7 children)
This RP shit is straight up gold! It's great to learn new stuff everyday and it's also great to realise how much you already know and have been doing forever without knowing about "game" and RP.
[–][deleted] 18 points19 points20 points 2 years ago (6 children)
If I get enough interest in it then I'll post an 'advanced/mastery' one as well.
[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 8 points9 points10 points 2 years ago (5 children)
You should, this post is great.
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago (4 children)
I've just typed it up. I'll post it tomorrow once this ones slid further down the Messageboard.
[–]Trooper_1868 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (0 children)
Doesn't matter where it is, if its gold I'm going to find it hehe
[–]Liefskaap 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (2 children)
I would really appreciate it if you could link it to me on private. I don't check this sub every day and don't want to miss it. Great post btw.
[–][deleted] 8 points9 points10 points 2 years ago (1 child)
Someone wanting me to make sure they get to see the follow up is the single biggest compliment I could have gotten after writing this - thank you, sincerely.
Yes, I surely will.
[–]AlphaK1 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children)
I second that, can you PM me that as well? Amazing post, helped make a few things click!
[–]yayaja67 25 points26 points27 points 2 years ago (0 children)
This was useful and helpful, thank you.
[–]phareux 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago (3 children)
Can you write one up about how to interact with guy friends and girl friends and just people in general.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 2 years ago (0 children)
I've already written one young Sir, I will post it tomorrow most likely.
[–]KV-n 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (1 child)
not intent on put you down or something but its good to see im not the only one who cant even talk to his family, let alone women.
[–]gerannu 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children)
Hey man keep it up! We all have to start somewhere, I have had acquaintances go from your level to the guy who can lead a room with what looks like zero effort. It can be done :)
[–]abc69 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago (0 children)
Why the fuck do mods keep deleting content here, anyways here is the removed comment backup copy mirror:
I’ve seen a lot of posts on here regarding this or that interaction and how it played out and, for better or worse outcome from OP, there are a lot of people in the comments section asking about the best way to get a good conversation going with women they’re interested in.
This isn’t a difficult question in and of itself but giving it a decent answer relies heavily on context, so rather than give specifics I’ve compiled some bullet points that I personally believe are really valuable – they’re not all specifically about speaking - if you agree with these then that’s great and if not then drop a comment and I’ll try to reply.
1.- If it’s you opening the interaction, do not appear apologetic. Most men focus overmuch on not being shy or on seeming confident but can sometimes veer into excited waffling, or excusing themselves or, worse, over-qualifying the reason they initiated the conversation and trying to compensate by doing it in a manly voice with a disinterested expression and their legs spread out so wide it looks like they’re doing yoga.
2.- Do not focus at all on your appearance when you are speaking to someone, if you’re thinking “Jesus, she’s so hot and I look like this then you’re done for.” Get out of your own head when speaking to other people, period.
3.- If you happen to be holding something, like a drink, hold it at your waist and not up to your chest – this is a psychological indicator of tension and a physical barrier.
4.- You’re opener should be context specific, I can’t really give an example here but whilst you shouldn’t be fawning or overly-polite you should aim for civility or for playful banter/flirting.
5.- When she’s speaking to you don’t nod your head like a dog at everything she says.
6.- Stand still; stationary but not stiff, loose but not slouching – I’ve seen men burning more calories because they were jumping around excitedly whilst talking to a hot girl than I’ve managed to burn off myself at the gym. Seriously it’s really annoying, makes you look nervous and just rips you open for people wanting to muscle in on the interaction and tool you.
7.- Maintain intense eye contact when she’s speaking, glancing away occasionally so that you don’t end up staring. When you’re speaking punctuate it with sweeping gazes around the room or the area you’re in.
8.- Mind your facial expressions whilst she’s speaking – you don’t want to be broadly smiling like a simple asshole and you don’t want to be crushing your brow with intensity as she tells you what her favourite brand of shampoo is. Slight smile, brow slightly furrowed/raised depending on what she’s saying, slow nods or ‘mmms’ to acknowledge that you’re listening.
9.- Speak slowly and in a deep voice. We all should know this one by now and we all know someone that can’t do this and ends up sounding like he’s going to go blasting through the ceiling any moment now.
10.- Talking of speech and facial expressions; make sure you transition slowly from expression to expression as well. It can seem incongruent with the rest of your demeanour if you’re face looks ‘set’ and not relaxed or you’re contorting your face too quickly.
11.- Now for the deeper stuff – generally speaking you should start off a conversation in a light-hearted and fun way, teasing her, letting her probe and ask you questions. But you should always keep your answers shorter than hers and always turn the conversation back onto her. LAME example: HER: ‘Yeah I try to exercise as much as I can, I see you’re in great shape from doing boxing, is it really difficult?’ YOU: ‘Yeah, you know it’s tough but really rewarding too. So which gym do you go to?’
12.- When discussing interests if she happens to mention an activity that you too enjoy, like say “I enjoy writing fiction and really want to create my own novel one day.” Don’t just jump in and be like “No way! Me too!” just make a mental note and tie it into how you’re developing yourself later on. Don’t just constantly affirm what she says, flirting/seduction isn’t a box ticking exercise or a constant path of affirmation.
13.- It’s fine to compliment her but don’t overdo it and keep it simple yet poignant and don’t double-down on it; Nice necklace – I really like how it matches your eyes – It’s just really elegant and cool – You’re so fashionable! (Just ONE will do!)
14.- Do not under any circumstances, no matter how busy the environment you are in, keep diverting your attention from her to other things and other people. Maintain ‘circle’ with her and don’t let anyone interrupt, just because someone wants to come and stand near you doesn’t mean they’ve got a right to your attention and you shouldn’t be shifting about trying to get out of everyone else’s way (if you’re somewhere busy) and if you can’t manage that then suggest moving – which you totally should do anyway because to lead her is a very powerful tool in seduction.
15.- Once you’ve established familiarity with her you should start asking more probing questions, without putting her on the spot, so things like “What are your passions?” or questions about travel, favourite novels, people she finds inspiring etc – those should all be cool for most people. You might know this as “deep diving”
16.- If all is going well from the above then you should escalate constantly: a. Let’s grab another drink b. Let’s go sit over here out of the way c. I know another bar we can go to where you get more space d. Why don’t you come back to mine? It’s only down the road and I’ve got some drinks in.
17.- Finally and most importantly – talk to as many women as you can, today, no excuses, go do it. The more you normalise it the easier and less daunting it becomes. No man that is successful with women is anxious about speaking to women.
This may well be me re-inventing the wheel but it isn’t common knowledge in the real world and even though TRP is golden there are some new guys who might benefit from my post.
[–]FlucKk 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago (6 children)
I am annoyed as i can't think about all this while talking. Is it just me or do you guys feel the same way ? If not, how do you manage keeping track of a conversation and still take the time to think about all this ?
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (2 children)
There's no one on earth - me included - that could remember all of this in one go.
It's just a matter of boiling it all down so that it makes sense to you, re-reading the material, internalising what you have to do and practising.
The irony is that if you don't worry about how you're coming across to the woman, or the interaction seems to "click" right off the bat, then you do most of this stuff naturally anyway.
[–]FlucKk 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (1 child)
Yea thats pretry much me. I think i do some of thid stuff naturally but once i start thinking about it, i just fck shit up ! I will try one thing at a time for next times ! Cheers mate !
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children)
You are most welcome.
BTW - have you ever seen the episode of Frasier where he's trying to learn to ride a bike? Someone completely throws him off his game by getting him to sit inside his head (and focus on all the obstacles) rather than focus on the moment and keeping the bike steady.
We need to escape our own minds during interpersonal dialogue and focus on the other person.
[–]Scriptopeia 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (2 children)
You are not supposed to remember every single point in your head. This is simply the raw theory of this topic. It's up to you to slowly implement these things and to use them over and over again to make them natural for yourself.
Trust me, no one has this list above in his head and is like "Ah right, now is the part where number 6 comes into play!"
It's all about experience.
edit: OK here's an example: You might want to start with focusing on talking slowly and giving her time to reply. You will notice that at some point you don't even actively think about talking slowly. Now move on to the next thing you can improve etc.
[–]FlucKk 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children)
All right man, so start one thig at a time until you dont really think about it then you add s'more ! Thanks mate
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (0 children)
The way I internalized this when I had zero social skills was to imagine myself doing it, and then emulating it irl. For me keeping track of all these tips at the moment was confusing and tiring, so yeah I just made this mental image of me doing this stuff ("How would I look like holding a drink at my waist while keeping eye contant?") and then just copying that imaginary "model" later. I know this is borderline autistic but it helped a lot. That's my 5 cents.
[–]Babak245 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (3 children)
For point 11, what would be a good example of keeping the conversation going?
[–]Liefskaap 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (0 children)
I would say trying to find a thing you have in common. After you enstablish that, you can keep a conversation going no problem. Also keep asking questions, keep it all about her, girls love talking about themselves.
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 2 years ago (0 children)
Following point 11 is the best way of keeping the conversation going.
Lemme explain - if you ask sufficiently open questions she will keep giving answers that you can expand upon. Likes thai food? So where's her favourite restaurant, when did she last go etc. Likes going cinema? What's the best film she's seen lately? What are her all time favourites?
Don't ever, EVER, put pressure on yourself to keep a conversation going - just be civil and ask about the other person.
You don't want to be aiming for 2 hour conversation though (point 16), unless you're already acquainted with the senorita of course.
[–]SeedGoose 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago* (0 children)
I always forget to try but I can see why parroting could work. It's basically repeating two words or so from what she said for her to elaborate. Enables you to sit back and make her do most of the speaking.
[–]kutie-pie 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago* (1 child)
great post, thanks for sharing! to clarify point 14..could you subtly look around for other prospects in case the one you're opening doesnt work out?
Personally I wouldn't recommend it, if you're committing to the interaction it needs to be whole-hearted - that's how you build chemistry and get her to invest in you.
If you're sneaky AF though I suppose it's up to you.
[–]ep1939 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (3 children)
This feels more like pua stuff than red pill.
Anyway, there's one important thing missing here: physical escalation.
It's what makes you different than a friend.
[–]Scriptopeia 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (1 child)
I greatly recommend "The Natural Lifestyle" on YouTube. It's a bunch of PUA's, but they have insane advice.
TRP helped me with the core stuff like getting my life on track (Lifting, reading, career, womans nature, etc.), but this YouTube channel actually helped me to learn about all the social stuff.
[–]celloist 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children)
Have to agree on this one James knows his shit
Perhaps it is. Good social skills should be the preserve of all men looking to make headway with women though.
I've got physical escalation in the Advanced/Master post which I'm going to put out later.
There's a fair bit on here that makes you different from a friend.
[–]Zoad22 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (0 children)
This is exactly something I needed. Thanks for posting!
[–]ndrew47 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (0 children)
A write up for group settings would be equally as helpful.
[–]BlueCollarAsshole 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (0 children)
I'm actually fine one-on-one. It's group dynamics that can throw me for a loop sometimes. Like a complex puzzle.
[–]mocket_ran 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children)
I heard the phrase once that when talking to a girl imagine that your mind is on parade...or in other words just say whatever comes to your mind. It's not so much what you are saying..it's how you are saying it.
I'll try and address that in future posts.
To directly answer though - context specific openers and lots of practice is the only real advice people can give.
You can't become a great conversationalist without 1. being interesting yourself. 2. Having a lot of conversations.
Introduce yourself by giving her your name then.
Don't worry about petty mind-games or any 'golden rules of opening' - just do what comes natural, be relaxed, be outgoing, be pleasant and be comfortable.
Never aim to just get her number, you should be aiming to 'close the deal.' through constant escalation and ramping up the sexual tension.
Names aren't relevant to attraction, but I'm not saying you're wrong, I've just never heard that myself.
[–]juunnioorrr 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (1 child)
This is great!! One thing I've run into is sounding like you are interviewing the person. And that's usually a good sign that there's no interest from the other end. So if you keep asking different questions during the interaction without her asking something in return, it's a pretty good sign that she is not interested.
Well I'd make sure that you're asking about things relevant to her and tying your next question back to what she's just said.
An example of what NOT to do - HER: 'I'm really into yoga at the moment'. YOU: 'Cool. So what type of work do you do?'
[–]yenmeng 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children)
Quality post, really puts into perspective what I was already doing that worked and what didn't. Much appreciated.
[–]Ismoketomuch 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children)
Best thing I ever read on this damn sub, dont know where or when, was to just treat all women your interested in like your own daughter/niece.
Bear with me here, girls want a daddy figure in a general sense, so just talk to women like they are a 10 year old. Not in the sense they are ignorant but that their wants for approval and desire to be taken care of and cared about are things you tend and acknowledge when things are going well.
Tease them like a little kid, pat their heads when they are cute and tell them they are cute. Scold them when they get out of line. Put them in their place if needed, but generally just be nice and interested.
You dont expect your 10 year old niece or nephew to engage with your as an adult at a family gathering do you? No you just walk up to them and start talking to them, get on their level and hit up some subjects they look like they might be into.
"Hey Jenny, how are you doing? I like your pretty dress, did you pick that out?, oops, looks like you got some food on it."
A woman pretty much masters her game at 10 years old and it rarely evolves past that. How can you lose a game of chess to a 10 year old?
[–]drawingroomgentleman 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (6 children)
In case anyone else is wondering, this appears to have been removed due to OP editing in an internal site link to his next post "How To Build Lasting Confidence and Change Your Life For the Better."
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (5 children)
Yes, yes it fucking well was.
Ignorance is no excuse but it's a damn shame it's gone from the Messageboard.
[–]drawingroomgentleman 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (0 children)
Yeah. I thought it would at least help those who come later to see what's going on and to have something to search for beside just trolling your post history.
[–]2435734098 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (3 children)
Try messaging a mod about it
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (2 children)
It was my fault mate.
I'm going to post it again in a few days when my stuffs slid down, I don't want to block out other people's posts overmuch with my stuff.
There's a Group discussion one and a Confidence one that I've put out today, they're on front page of TRP - if you're interested.
[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (1 child)
Please do repost this.
Links can't be to reddit as you know - including to TRP itself because the bot can't tell the difference.
You can either reference by rough name.. "See my post called", or you can use archive.is which is fast and simple and works well, or you can post up on TRP.Red and reference that. (It's fine to dual post to TRP.Red and to reddit of course, but always polite to say that you're doing so).
Reason for no reddit linking: we can't be accused of hating other subreddits by linking to them and therefore sending people their way.
[–]armadyllll 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (1 child)
WTF why did this get removed. Please repost it
It's on the messageboard now.
It was my fault, posted a link in the text and you're not allowed to do that.
[–]celloist 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (2 children)
Hey it got deleted can you maybe copy paste it for me?
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (1 child)
No need mate, click on my name and then go under "Submitted" for all the posts I've put out - they're all on there!