Red Pill TheoryLASTING CONFIDENCE - Buliding Self-esteem and Anxiety-busing (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by [deleted]


I’ve got a super slow day at work so I’m messing around on my emails with an article I put out a little while ago (under a now deleted account) that was really well-received and seems to still be relevant to you guys every single day – the reason I posted it initially was because I saw a jarring lack of confidence/ability to gain it from some of you in other threads – I’ve revised the original and added bullet-points and am now posting again.

I’ve also amended the tone from humorous to more serious – because it occurred to me that a whole industry exists to scam people out of money trying to sell “instant confidence” – and that is no laughing matter.

The principles below should impart the building blocks for solid, lasting confidence and self-esteem whilst also helping with anxiety reduction.

I hope somebody, somewhere finds this helpful:

  1. Eradicate the notion that there is a ‘quick-route’ to confidence or a “life-hack” that will grant you it – there is not. If you haven’t earned it you don’t deserve it. Confidence is the unshakable belief in what you are, who you are and where you are heading to. It is worth working for.

  1. Confidence sits in the mind, but it is fostered within us by our actions and attitude. You cannot be confident without pushing your own boundaries and stepping out into the world to confront new challenges. I hate the notion that Confidence is “Courage + Experience” as well because it’s totally bogus – you can have self-confidence in your mental framework, patience and resilience. You don’t have to be on the summit before you can be confident in climbing the mountain…So dumb!

  1. Deep, slow, steady, consistent breathing is one of the most fundamental parts of peaking ourselves mentally and physically. There are a billion websites out there talking about “fuelling our bodies” with proper diet, but what about the oxygen that “powers it”?

  1. Posture is of almost equal importance here as well. Briefly: spine straight, head resting directly on neck, feet firmly planted plus forward facing and no undue pressure placed on our limbs or muscles when doing activities that should use our bodies natural hinges.

  1. Re points 4 and 5 – why not take up meditation or Yoga? I’ll not go into details as it’s redundant when there’s a wealth of expert knowledge online.

  1. Do not learn to love yourself: find out what you DON’T like about yourself and work to stamp it out. Why are you trying to make yourself love what you don’t even like??? No one is perfect, but that doesn’t mean we should tolerate unnecessary flaws or drawbacks. EDIT2: Some of you seem to think i'm saying "Don't give yourself credit for doing well" or that you should be adopting a mindset of "I'm unworthy of being X until I'm Y" and that's not what I mean at all. I intended it as don't excuse your sugar addiction with "My brother eats it, can't be that bad!" or skip the gym because "I'll go tomorrow." - I think most of you understood this. Simply, don't be forgiving of your vices or laziness!

  1. Aim to climb into bed each night a little smarter, a little stronger, having pushed the boundaries a little more than you had when you woke up that morning. Grind out every single day – be ruthless with yourself.

  1. Adopt the Socratic tradition of “Question Everything” – get your news from multiple sources, read a broad range of literature, take every opportunity you can to learn everything you can. Crucially – let the information you absorb from this inform your opinion but not dictate it.

  1. Read whenever and whatever you can (preferably non-fiction). Learn what you like and what you don’t, not by assuming but by partaking and seeing what resonates. Ancient Greek literature, historical accounts, military history, politics and psychology are probably my favourites. It’s not hard to always have a book on the go, most of you will have smart-phones and can get the Kindle app for free – a lot of books on there are free too.

  1. Spend a lot of time outside. Leave the internet at home and just enjoy nature. Learn how to navigate, how to read a map, how to use a compass and overall just get absorbed in the outdoors.

  1. If you feel fear at doing something that you are desirous of, take it as an unshakable law in your life that you must do it. In 3 years-time do you want to be still thinking about signing up for that MMA class, or do you want to be winning fights? Our fear is totally ego-based and completely out of proportion to most modern, ‘Western’ threats.

  1. Study the greats. So much of our modern knowledge about confidence, good communication and learning comes from anecdotal evidence/case studies gleaned from lectures, reports, debates or historical accounts of famous figures – cut out the middle man. Find your favourite rapper, politician (good luck!), American Footballer, Footballer, athlete or actor and try and learn how they tick. Any of you who know Carnegie know this already.

  1. Turn off internal negotiation - IF THE ACTION IS NECESSARY THEN DON’T ASK THE QUESTION AS TO WHETHER YOU SHOULD BE DOING IT. Rely on self-discipline to get you through, not motivation.

  1. Mental Toughness - delayed gratification is a greater indicator of success than intelligence (Carol S Dweck, Mindset). Is there anything you wouldn’t do if you thought you couldn’t fail? Ironically, the only person that can make you fail, by giving up, is YOU.

  1. Learn a new skill – I must emphasise skill and not hobby. Coding, car maintenance, better mathematical ability and self-defence are simply more valuable in our world than say “flair” cooking or dancing. Not denigrating anything, it’s just about prioritising your time.

  1. LIFT – it’s one of TRP’s core tenets. But do not neglect your abdominals and core. You don’t want a “Rhino arms” and “Hippo stomach” situation to develop.

  1. If you ever feel bored – and you’re in a situation where you’re not on the clock or waiting on someone else – then you are not working hard enough at developing yourself. You should be your own drill sergeant, don’t let yourself slack off - it only hurts you buddy, only you.

  1. Be modest about everything and in everything. I’m English and we aren’t a nation of braggers, I know as well that young men can develop obnoxious traits when they’re learning a great deal without discipline. I stand by this point but it is subjective – I’m not saying be a doormat.

  1. Confidence is about being in a constant state of development, being able to look behind you and see things you’re proud of in your past, being able to look into your future and smile at how bright it looks because of your present efforts.

Development of self and confidence go hand in hand, I don’t like the notion of “faking it until I make it” or the homeydudebro who is all like “Yo, I got no job, no car and no house but I walked up to that bitch and was like ‘yo, you balling wit me or no?’ and she was all like ‘yeeeeeaaaaahhh dawg’ cos I had that gud confidence.”

I want your confidence to help YOU and improve your LIFE. I don’t want you to use it as a temporary tool for short-term gains.

EDIT: Unsurprisingly, I was aiming for "Anxiety Busting" - not "busing" - Thanks.

EDIT2: Thanks guys - more up-votes than original now! BTW I've popped an addendum onto point 6 as some of you seemed to misunderstand what I was getting at - which I understand.

EDIT3: Now I'm only making 1 point! Sorry guys, Reddit and me just don't get along. I was trying to make it less of a wall of text and this happened instead.

[–]555553211 points points [recovered]

To comment on 6: I think the completely opposite is true. I got fit, improved myself in a lot of ways but still had low self esteem, basically I was bullied when young and when you get told you're shit a bunch of times your subconsciousness picks up on it and spits it out in the form of self hating thoughts. I recommend reading Think and grow rich on learning to affect your subconsciousness to lean towards positive thoughts instead of negative ones.

If you're interested in this I think No More Mr. Nice Guy had some techniques of positive self talk too.

[–]FlexGunship 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I was going to say the same thing, roughly.

In your head, you've got to be your own best buddy. Build yourself up. Pat yourself on the back for achievements.

[–]helgisson 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Agreed - for those with actual anxiety and shit self-esteem, amplifying the already abundant negative thoughts towards oneself is not helpful. Positive self-image is incredibly important, while working to improve one's flaws (but not feel like shit for them). People who already have normal self esteem take this for granted.

[–]6ix_ 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ok so this is something that has been in my mind for weeks now. I am not a naturally confident person, probably due to my childhood being less than perfect (great, loving family but I wasn't the coolest kid by a longshot).

I have been confident at times but thats relatively short-lived. The duration varies but basically I go through cycles of self-doubt, social anxiety and then I feel on top of the world. I might be a mildly bi-polar. I remember when I got my first GF, I felt really good and confident. It was an amazing feeling and I saw all the IOIs from girls everywhere. At work, at the mall, everywhere.

Anyways, my point is that I wonder if there is a way I can capture that feeling indefinitely. Right now I think that building the best body I can is the way to do it. But then I think that it goes a bit beyond that. Could it just be my way of thinking?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (18 children)

I'm of course not discussing physical attributes - though if you've got a Keg-over-6-Pack situation occurring then you should definitely try and change that.

Bullying (whilst very helpful for making us stronger as youths) is a type of operant conditioning (associative learning), "they don't like me for who I am, hence I must be somehow lacking and need to change" - but you can overcome it with confidence of action, I believe.

[–]Need2LickMuff 15 points16 points  (17 children)

This is the equivalent of a well fed person telling people who are starving why hunger is actually beneficial to them.

I wish sheltered people would stop talking about things they really don't understand. Having low self-worth reaffirmed continuously doesn't actually make people harder working, more likely to 'prove someone wrong', or give them a sense of entitlement for busting their ass. All it does it creates a person who is never satisfied with themselves (no, not in the superduper motivational "never be satisfied" way but the "so what that I built my own house, I'm still a piece of shit and it's not that great of a house anyway" kind of way.), and can't recognize their success or their self worth.

There is a difference between ball-breaking and bullying. Ball breaking aims to strengthen people; Bullying aims to destroy people.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (16 children)

I was bullied mercilessly as a child - and I'll counter that a "sheltered" person is one that has in fact never encountered adversity (be that bullying or otherwise).

How we interpret outside stimulus is entirely subjective to the individual, some people will find more strength in their enemies trying to run them down then they will from their friends trying to gee them up.

Each human is so complex that the subjectivity is nearly impossible to get around and compensate for in posts that must be kept reasonably brief for the sake of our shared format.

BTW you can have someone that's had the perfect, affirmed, well-nourished (emotional) life and STILL be a self-doubting naysayer.

Way to talk about something you don't really understand bro!

[–]Need2LickMuff 1 point2 points  (15 children)

If his life was perfect, then he'd never be a doubting naysayer. That is the dumbest thing I've ever read; A perfect life entails proper parenting, social acceptance, proper development, experiencing life to its fullest. Unless that person is mentally fucked, which isn't even worth mentioning, there is NO WAY his esteem would be low - Hamster of the year.

"How we interpret outside stimulus is entirely subjective to the individual" - Most people who have been bullied stay scarred from it. That's just a pattern, and is not my own bias. Humans aren't inherently mindful, and turning a bad into a good is something that takes a lot of mindfulness. You're telling me that a child who was mercilessly berated is going to take a second to ponder on it? Please.

I know plenty about what it's like to hate yourself growing up; I've done it for 18 years. If you want to sit there and cope by pretending that the bullying you encountered was a good thing and not the horrible thing it was, then keep on truckin'. It doesn't change the fact that people who hate themselves aren't just going to develop confidence without learning how to love themselves first, otherwise every single victory will be seen as mediocrity.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (14 children)

If you're internal narrative (or "inside voice"/emotional feedback loop - whatever) is fucked then you'll be fucked but that's nothing more than a bad habit, it can be changed.

I never said it was a good thing, I said it can be very helpful.

The child won't ponder it, no, but the adult he turns into will - unless he wants to remain a child, as you seem to.

How nice too that you've decided on behalf of everyone else how they should interpret the outside stimulus that bullying entails - and we're discussing it like there's only one kind too!

If you don't think people can have "perfect" lives yet still end up self-hating wrecks then you are delusional and might want to look into the American Psychiatric industry - it's worth quite a bit of money you know.

[–]Need2LickMuff 0 points1 point  (13 children)

First point - That wasn't what I was trying to convey, to sit in your own filth and get used to the smell. My point was that the idea of "Do not learn to love yourself" is bollocks, and if someone has anxiety/low-self esteem they definitely do need to learn how to recognize the good in themselves before they try to tackle what they hate.

  1. Bullying is never a good thing, bro. Nobody comes out better from being bullied, or even thanking the people who bullied them. That in itself says enough - again, ball breaking is a different story, and so is ostracizing, but bullying? no.

  2. Then what the fuck is the use? If the person developing can't make heads or tails of why he's being destroyed emotionally, then how is it beneficial later on in life? All that happened was the person had their social skills or whatever stunted, and now can come out from under the rock they were forced into just to feel alienated even worse.

  3. I haven't decided anything for anyone. I've observed people who have been bullied, read stories from people who have been bullied, and been a person who doesn't call them a self-hating pussy for feeling useless (not saying you're calling people pussies, so don't think I'm making that point).

  4. Yeah, those people who have lived 'perfect lives' and are in these places clearly didn't live 'perfect' lives, now did they. What do you consider a perfect life? One where the father works 100 hours/week and the mother is a helicopter parent? That's not the perfect life, is it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (12 children)

4 - Was debunking the notion that you think there is any such thing as a perfect life or that bullying is the only factor that can lead to confidence issues or self-doubt. 3 - You did. 2 - "Destroyed emotionally"? I think you and I might be singing different songs here. I'm not talking about regular physical beatings (of course they're not ever going to help!) 1 - You'd be very surprised how being bullied as a child helped some people become stronger.

You didn't need to come so aggressive over just one point in an article and you started off right away with a false assumption, so it's been easy to debunk you.

You're probably one of the people I was trying most to help with this post, if it hasn't then that's regrettable.

My perspective: if you struggle to get up out of bed early, don't excuse the laziness as "you're only human" - work harder. Your perspective: you deserved all the misery you got because you weren't good enough to begin with.

My original post contained more detail and this never came up, I explained elsewhere that it was overlong so I had to cut.

Drag the past around with you if you want, let it be a millstone around your neck. It won't hurt anyone but you.

[–]Need2LickMuff 2 points3 points  (11 children)

4 - Mate, there is an objective perfect life, and that's one of acceptance, proper parenting, and a lifetime of success. Someone who has acceptance and proper parenting (meaning confidence boosting) is not going to hate themselves.. that makes no sense.

3 - No, I didn't.

2 - You're using the term 'bullying' far too liberally, then. Bullying isn't summat innocuous, which is why I said ball-busting and bullying are two different things.

1 - I can guarantee those people would have rather not been bullied than been bullied if they had their way. I don't know, nor have I seen anybody ever thank their bullies for 'making them stronger'.. in fact, most anti-bullying messages from even the toughest of people are along the lines of how bad it made them feel and not how 'awesome' it turned them into.

Your perspective: Don't learn to love yourself because who you are isn't good enough yet, so focus on the shit you hate so you can correct the behaviours that you dislike. Only then can you love yourself.

My perspective: It's next to impossible to recognize success when you hate yourself, so instead figure out why you're not as big of a piece of shit as you think you are so that you can at least feel confident in your ability to look at yourself objectively for a change and recognize where you are actually fucking up vs. you thinking you're fucking up everywhere.

I never once argued that people shouldn't better themselves. I argued that 'confidence of action' means shit to someone who hates themselves, and they first need to learn how to discern between what is good about them and what is bad about them before they tackle the bad - otherwise, they'll fail to see any success whatsoever..

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (10 children)

4 - Only the young would claim there is a "perfect" life - if there is then there's a perfect person, it's completely fallacious. Perfection, acceptance and even parental love are all subjective - encouraging "talent" and not "effort" can ruin a child's life, for just one example. 3 - It's how it came across then, I can't help that. 2 - I'm not interested in adopting other people's subjective definitions, I was responding to someone else's comment when you jumped in. 1 - I'm not saying it was the only factor. There are people who got the impetus to better themselves because others treated them poorly, they mightn't be where they are now if it weren't for this.

You are trying to win an argument that no one is having.

I put in the main body of text that I took the humour out of the post as it didn't seem to gel right - you wouldn't have inferred what you have if you'd seen the original, it maybe needs changing as so many seem to have found it abrasive.

Let's just say this:

Bullying (bad, harmful and socially unacceptable - rightly so) - SOMETIMES HELPFUL in the long run in the same sense that the best weapons are forged in the hottest fires.

Emotional/Character degradation, outright abuse and physical attacks aren't what I'm discussing and I'd not claim to have these "help" anyone.

[–]Mescuzzi 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Which version of Think and Grow Rich book did you read? Mind linking that for me (or anyone who's read that already)? It's been on my list of reads

I read reviews on amazon that there are multiple versions, saying the newer versions have been changed and have lost some of the meaning.

[–]RedPillFreedom 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Everyone recommends the original. Read the 1st edition. Lmk, if you need it.

Similar to Psycho-Cybernetics. For older books I aim for the closest to original copy I can get. That way the original message is not watered down.

[–]Mescuzzi 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Yeah, if you can link/give me the original or 1st edition, that would be great. Would be appreciated brotha

[–]RedPillFreedom 2 points3 points  (0 children)

[–]RedPillFreedom 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gorilla Mindset Self Talk worked the best for me

It was presented in a way which did not trigger me into immediately neglecting the advice given.

NMMNG was great but when I first read it was a tough sell because it was so true.

I'll check out think and grow rich next. Thanks for the recommendation.

[–]Music_and_Medicine 0 points1 point  (3 children)

I also had a slight objection with 6. There are some things that we simply cannot change about ourselves (such as height) so learning to love ourselves will have to be part of the process of self improvement. Of course, if there are things about ourselves that we want to change and we can change them then we should do just that. But even then, if we are insecure then just changing those things will not be enough to improve confidence, as we will probably just become insecure about something else. We have to change our mindset and outlook as well.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children)

The very funny thing is that the first time I posted this, that particular point (which wasn't at 6 then) was the most popular part!

I'm not talking about the physical, I'm just saying "Don't give yourself excuses to not be the best possible 'You' that 'You' can be."

You'd be surprised how much perspective an action-focused lifestyle can give you, insecurity just falls away because you've not got the mental processing power to pay it lip-service anymore.

[–]dear_glob_why 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Not sure why you're getting downvotes man, this is solid wisdom right here and something I really need to start taking to heart.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The post above or my response comments?

Simple mate - some people think it's too basic, some people think it's irrelevant to TRP, some people think it's good but too long-winded and some people will just down-vote on principle.

Anything above 85% up-votes is a phenomenal success on this SR.

[–]TALzFGxawb 11 points12 points  (1 child)

i find confidence (in a particular action/skill) isn't based on knowing how to do it correctly, but how to safely fail

if you're climbing a rope, you will feel stronger if there's a mat under you. you're not actually stronger, but fear stops weakening you

learn to apologize sincerely (and don't grovel). learn to joke/laugh when you embarrass your dumb ass. have friends that will jump into a fight if you get in over your head. have health insurance if you're in a country that you need it, etc.

when you're prepared for things going wrong, you'll automatically have the confidence to make them go right

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I put in the original write-up that this was skewing younger in target, but it was going long on my amended version so I cut that part out.

Apologise? Yep. Laugh at yourself? Yep. Friends jumping into a fight? Nah man, prefer to fight my own battles or leave it well alone!

You've got to love how Health Insurance is still such a contentious issue haven't you?

[–]life2thefullest 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Good write up. One that is actually has advice that will help us better ourselves. Thank you, good sir

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I meant to thank you for this comment yesterday - Thanks, and you're welcome, most pleasant and kind fellow!

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Thank you for posting these guidelines. A lot of confidence comes from experience and wisdom. So, doing things, and yes, failing, builds those up. I'm not adding to your list; seems complete to me. But just sharing that the things you are saying build up experience and wisdom. So don't just think or wish: DO. As Yoda said "do or do not, there is no try".

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No you're absolutely right and I'll tell you what's weird - someone else put that Yoda quote when I first submitted it! LOLOLOL.

I may have cut too much out of this one. "Confidence" is such an ephemeral thing that anyone trying to tell you they've got a "cure" for a lack of it is totally bogus and I deliberately leave this list lacking in certain areas to help people think rather than imitate - there's no "get up early each day" or "self-mastery" stuff for example.

[–]Shaman6624 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Confidence also has to do with living up to your own expectations. If you know you should be studying but keep turning on that video game, if you know you should be talking with that girl and making her laugh but go to the bar and get another beer. You're bound to become unhappy about yourself. You can then change what you're doing or lower your expectationa

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)


If your mind, body and soul is desirous of, say, becoming a genius in Mathematics, and yet you keep giving yourself excuses as to why you're not picking up that 'Intro to Calculus' book you bought and fucking around on the PS4 instead then you'll end up feeling very down.

[–]smilingbanana points points [recovered]

Jesus Christ TESTOSTERONE is the answer to all your questions. You have less control over your mind then you think you do. You can doo all of this tenfold and still feel like worthless shit.

Or you can just get your chemistry in order and enjoy life properly.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Jesus Christ - IT'S THAT SIMPLE!

You have immense control of your mind - it's your mind. Simple manipulation of the emotional feedback loop will reep incredible dividends.

Everything Psychological is Biological bro, actions feed back into our brain chemistry and YES, that means increased T if we do it right.

[–]do_it_or_leave 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I believe he is talking about juice.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh yeah? I didn't know Brock Lesnar used this SR.....

[–]1empatheticapathetic 1 point2 points  (1 child)

This is partly true. It makes anxiety easier to just swat away. But learning to control your mind during moments of anxiety is still a useful skill to figure out on your own. And other than starting TRT, there's no huge way to increase T.

I've been on a mission to increase T over the last two years and it's helped definitely but the increase is pretty minuscule without jumping on gear.

[–]pandaholic23 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What's have you been doing to increase it?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (11 children)

By not neglecting core you mean doing cardio and eating right, correct? No amount of sit ups will give you a six pack alone.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Not sit-ups alone, no. But there are hundreds of exercises, both focused and compound, that will blaze your abs.

You of course need to have proper diet and low enough body fat to show the abdominal muscles though - of course.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I agree completely. But a lot of people smash abs and are confused when they don't have a washboard

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is one of those dangerous situations that, in other threads, ends up going into 20+ comment-argument territory.

I had an inkling when you mentioned both cardio and diet that you were working form a bodyfat angle so I commented as such - regardless though it's totally correct - unless you draw the 6-pack onto you're beer gut with a Sharpie....

[–]ginger_beer_m 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Is it necessary to lift weight at the gym, if I prefer to do bodyweight training at home?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No not at all.

But things like benches and heavier weights (cos it needs to be incremental resistance training) will run you up a great cost at home.

You might find this helpful - https://www.amazon.com/Solitary-Fitness-Charlie-Bronson-ebook/dp/B00B3M4CVC

[–]Lionlocker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That also, but make sure your core muscles are strong too.

[–]redpill-account 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Tell that to Muhammad Ali and literwlly anyone who had a 6 pack before the 70s.

Sure we should be efficient with our time, but we shouldn't neglect the simple routine and boring things like sit-ups.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

My comment doesn't mean don't do core exercises. My point is you can crush core every day but if you eat like shit you're not gonna have visible abs

[–]whattupwhattup 0 points1 point  (1 child)

It's not necessarily all about the abs. Having a strong core is important in and of itself, and the only way to strengthen your core is to excercise it

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree. I think my comment has been misconstrued.

[–]empress_cixi 1 point2 points  (3 children)

This is a good post, what I consider "common sense." I think in our society - especially in U.S. urban centers, that men, when they've been emotionally damaged, find it easier to blame others than taking responsibility for their own actions.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children)


A lot of guys assign that only to the female gender but it's cripplingly apparent in a great deal of men.

Easier to say "it's your fault" rather than "I didn't try hard enough" isn't it?

[–]empress_cixi 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I think it relates to other aspects of life. If men were to easily blame women for all their problems, then it's natural for them to also blame others in general who might be in their lives for any sort of hardship (eg, parents, mother, father, boss, neighbor, children, etc)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I happened upon some of the arguments you got into elsewhere on here - GO YOU! There's nothing like feather-ruffling on Reddit.

I don't know if the "blame-game" is gender-skewed at all but in the most general parable possible - if a woman fails it's OK because she didn't understand (lack of personal responsibility) & if a man fails it's because it's someone else's fault (lack of personal responsibility)

I couldn't possibly recommend MORE a book by a lady named Carol S Dweck called 'Mindset' - mentioned above - it more or less "cures" educational and behavioural issues relating to aptitude, ownership and personal performance.

I'm convinced that the only reason it's not more successful is because the poor old dear just had to include fluffy gender politics and not include hard empirical data (it's basically just a big book of anecdotes)

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Excellent post! Thanks OP for sharing. They are helpful!! +1

[–]jureadit 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Could you possibly format this differently, where each point starts on a new line? I would like to refer back to certain points without having to read through it to find them.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will try for you right now.