This is How You Should Escalate (most do it wrong!) (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by Bigjohnthug


Clickbait title is a joke, I spend way too much time thinking of titles that don't even matter.

Escalation is not my strongest point in game... it is my game. Having gotten very good at it, I barely do anything else. The rest is all icing on the cake; so long as you can already open, are attractive and have a vaguely presentable house, etc, etc. The other stuff I've been over before so go and read that if you are weak there. Escalation comes after these, not before. If you're only good at escalation you are what is called a 'sex offender' so make sure you start improving yourself before you try something like this.

I’m assuming this will be used for one-night stands and the like so I’m writing for that. If you’re using this during the day, just move slower but do the same things. The fundamentals are unchanged, I used ONS’s because I can write it out as one interaction. Obviously meet-ups add extra steps, I’ll go over those later. These are the fundamentals of escalation.


The key to good escalation is gradually ramping the sexual tension. Everything is about building it up, making it palpable and letting it be the force which drives the interaction. Touch is great, but it isn’t the king as commonly thought. The most important point is to always build that sexual tension, even if that means not touching the girl.

The first thing you want to do is never break the sexual tension when you open. You don’t want to walk up and make the girl think with a logical question like “Who lies more, midgets or ethnics?” You want a low-to-no context opener, something that doesn’t add pressure. The pressure should be coming from the sexual tension, anything in addition to that can cause too much and blow the whole thing up.

Secondly, it is good to establish touch from the outset. The quicker you start touching them, the quicker you know if they’re interested or out for other reasons. It also stops it from becoming awkward later and will make them more bold in touching you. Just a hand on the waist, a hug or something similar is fine. Keep it basic. You don’t need 10000 advanced kino techniques and secret PUA ‘incidental undercover seduction sequences’ or whatever is the rage now. Mostly anything is fine- the exception being aggressive stuff- because timing is the main thing. The ‘wrong’ touch is more often due to being too early or late to fit the moment. It’s all about reading that vibe and slowly- or more accurately, gradually- increasing the level of intimacy.

Last, after you open hold strong eye contact and wait for them to reply. This is big: a huge part of creating sexual tension is just waiting for the girl to reply instead of trying to crush silence with witty banter. You want the girl to be giggling and saying “What? Why are you staring at me?” or some such. It’s a thin line from here to “Why is this creep staring at me?” but it isn’t hard to learn where it is. To give an idea, you want to be looking away from eye-contact with a girl 2/10 times and staring her down 8/10.

Note please that you will usually have to do 60%+ of the talking for the first few minutes. I've found there is a general correlation between how hot the girl is and how much you'll have to over-talk to start, but it hooks the same and they end up speaking ~80% after a few minutes. I've heard Krauser call it "the Russian minute" because apparently Russian girls lord it, but that doesn't jibe with my experience. I've found if I don't approach overly focused or zoned-out looking girls I just don't get this as much.

In Order of Importance:

• Proximity. Nothing beats proximity. Gradually ‘floating’ towards the girl; or pulling her towards you will do all the work. If ONE thing is responsible for my success it would just be being closer to the girls. If ever 1v1ing for a girl and the l33t Am0g tactix don't work good, just be closer to her. If there is a group of guy friends who want to take her away, just be closer to her (and befriend another girl). You can literally turn your back on the competition if you’re the one in her face. Plus it turns girls on immensely, for a lot of reasons that should be common sense here.

• Eye contact. You want to be the centre of her world; at least for tonight. You want her to be guessing about what you’re thinking, because here is the thing: She will know in terms of raw intuition exactly what you’re doing. She will know you want to fuck her and you’re acting this way to turn her on. But 99.99% of guys can’t keep a secret for shit and even worse can’t keep their cool while sexual tension builds. Just not breaking it puts you ahead of all of them. Holding eye contact and saying “nothing, just thinking about my cat” or LITERALLY ANYTHING but mentioning that elephant in the room is game.

Sticky eyes: When you must break eye contact, try to do so as slowly as possible. You look away, but it takes 2-3 seconds to not be eye-to-eye anymore. You start turning your head first, leting your eyes linger and then slowly moving them away. This will melt girls. It makes them feel incredibly desired and I’ve had girls comment that this was the reason they fucked me. It also serves to build tension without risking creepy as much, because you aren’t just staring at bitches like an axe murderer sizing up their neck. The writer I heard it from referred to it as having honey connecting your eyes, so it makes them move slowly apart.

• Voice. You want to be talking low most of the time. When you open speak up, but start to talk quieter and more intimately as soon as possible. Your voice gives you control over the tempo of the interaction. Occasionally you’ll want to spike it. Sometimes it’s right to do that before you pull them by excitedly talking about the after-party. Other times you’ll need to entertain her friend for a minute so she knows you’re not a psycho. On the other hand, it is very strong in louder bars with a quiet area to start whispering into her ear and turn your ear for her to do the same. A whispered conversation is super-sexy (seriously try it: feels awesome) as long as your breath is good. Buy some fucking mints, don’t screw this up because whispering is boss and you should probably be doing it more.

• Touch. I put this late because I think the importance of touch is exaggerated. It is very important, don’t get me wrong, but focusing on it first is a bad idea. It is what touch does for the interaction, not the touch itself, that matters. Basically you just want to be maintaining proximity, gradually getting closer to the girl and letting your touch grow naturally off that. At first it might be occasional light brushes of her arms and body. Then you might be sitting next to each other and you pull her legs over yours. Then your arm is around her…. Etc. You are gradually growing closer physically so of course touch comes off that. Proximity is the basis of escalation partly because it is the foundation for touch.

• Pacing. This is kind of a nebulous concept and really you need experience to gauge this. Keep the above in mind first, work on them, then over time you will start to see sometimes you can shift up a gear and escalate fast whereas other times you need to go slower than usual. It also changes as you go along. For example, beginners should try to open every girl and kiss any girl who likes them. For intermediates and advanced, I would say only open interested girls and don’t kiss the girl in public. In my experience, it offers a release of sexual tension to the girl and takes away the sense of urgency that drives her to needing to fuck you. Instead she has a nice little ending for her story of the night, she goes home with your number and you go home with your hand. The point where I used to think “I should kiss her now” is where I say “It’s hot in here, let’s go for a walk.”

Escalating to the Pull

Getting the girl home is pretty simple. Usually I two step it: I’ll make an excuse to leave the bar/event and then try to figure out her logistics. At this stage I’ll decide whether to pull home, go for a public pull or go to her place. Sometimes you realize here that it’s a lost cause but that’s pretty rare and you learn to avoid those girls very quickly- they usually respond well to everything up to kissing, but always try to be the first to disengage, hesitate to leave with you and aren't comfortable with sexual touch, like ass-grabbing etc.

Say something like “Let’s get out of here, the music is too loud to talk.” A lot of the time she’ll bring up friends, just say “Let’s go tell them we’re going for a walk.” She just wants you to take responsibility and let her friends know she is safe with you. It’s often a good idea to take one of the friends numbers here- make a joke about chicks phones always dying from Facebook or something. This sets their minds at ease and if you say this before they bring up excuses why she can’t go, they usually won’t. You’re also subtly saying “I do this a lot, don’t worry she’s in good hands” without seeming like an asshole. The more often you can slyly communicate this the better, though overtly saying “I get so much pussy I’m drowning” will backfire.

Determine where you are pulling: ask her what her plans are for the rest of tonight. She might be staying with a friend and therefore you have an hour to have sex in public. She might have work early; you can go to her house but have to be quick. No matter where you will pull, walk somewhere semi-private, start hooking up passionately and then suddenly stop. Say “Do you want to come see my (macaroni art collection)?” IE some excuse to go to your house. Or walk past a potential sex-location and say “Hey, let’s go explore that golf course.” I obviously don’t know where you will be having sex in public, so you should figure out your own here. Where I live most of the good bars and clubs are in suburbs, so I generally go for golf courses, football fields and the like. I’ve done construction sites a few times, once a hospital (didn’t know, accidentally), a few schools, a national monument… just anything nearby, secluded and with an allure. Don’t obsess over the perfect location, the girl doesn’t give a fuck. I vividly remember one of my first public pulls being up a staircase of a condemned building at university where the maths students could see us They had a second-story view of me pounding this girl from behind. I said “We have an audience” and she said “I don’t care, let them watch.” This has been repeated multiple times with about as much paraphrasing as I just used. For the most part girls don’t seem to care about being seen having sex because the moment has taken over. What she cares about is being seen in the lead-up to that sex, so you just should be in private enough for the foreplay to be secret. Weird but true, at least in my experience.

If you want to see the girl again after public sex, the best thing to do is either walk her back to her friends and hang out for a bit or get her home safely. You should be maintaining a conspiratorial vibe, never break it and hi-five your bros afterwards. Just smirk now and again, maybe make a few jokes like “Yeah, we just went and played some golf.” Everyone knows so don’t be crude, that just makes you seem like this isn’t something you’re used to. You want her to wonder how often this happens for you, while you want to present the ‘wow how crazy that this happened’ face to her. She should have suspicions you’re a player, not have you telling her that or seeming like you genuinely don’t get this very often.

When you take a girl to your house, make sure you have it fairly presentable. I’ve said this to death so I won’t go over it again. Putting in even 5% extra effort here is immense by the way: Having a candle, some nice music or a stuffed animal is often the difference between her letting loose and her feeling uncomfortable. The main goal is to make her comfortable so definitely do these things. Actually do the thing you said you would do. Don't drop the game yet. It becomes a conspiracy, she knows you didn't bring her back to see your etch-n-sketch self portrait, but you haven't made a move yet and you're actually showing it to her... Usually the girl starts just complimenting whatever you show her and lots of touch as you talk about sock-puppets is enough.

When you're hooking up, just make out and stay relaxed. Maybe grope her tits and ass if she's cool with that. Then hold her neck for a bit, pull her hair a little, trace circles on her thighs/stomach, breathe into her ear/neck ('oohs'=cold, 'ahhs'=hot)... eventually you'll do something and the response is more than before. That's when you flick the switch and start going for sex. Start kissing hard, squeezing and pulling apart her ass cheeks, grinding into her, biting or choking softly etc. Put her hand on your dick, start teasing her pussy and eventually she will start pulling your dick towards her pussy. She is telling you to put it in. Do so.

The above is how the vast majority of bedtime shenanigans go these days. I wish I could have seen that paragraph in 2011 and known what I actually had to do to go from the clothes on kissing on the bed to the clothes off penetration stage.

Also if you want ideas for new things to do that turn girls on and get them to need you, ask them. They're usually pretty open about it because they enjoy being turned on. I wish I started doing that earlier as well.


To rehash escalation is thus:

  1. Don’t make her overtly uncomfortable, don’t rock the boat.

  2. Do make her feel ‘on edge’ by ramping up the sexual tension.

It honestly is more about not fucking up then it is doing anything in particular right. Time and proximity will do all the work for you, she will fill in the blanks to turn herself on. Just talk the minimum amount, you should listen intently to her and keep getting closer. I say “don’t talk much” because the less you say, the less chance you can say the wrong thing. Again- that is more important. This will work if you give it time, just give yourself that time.

[–]blackedoutfast 214 points215 points  (9 children)

this guy fucks

good post bro

[–]RedPillAlphaBigCock 71 points72 points  (13 children)

Really great write up - there is some gold in there - I really like keeping the tension high

What do you mean by: You want a low-to-no context opener, something that doesn’t add pressure.

Any examples? Thanks for the write up

[–]armadyllll 64 points65 points  (1 child)

"How do you like the music?"

"How do you know Dave?"

[–]jeezydasnowman 42 points43 points  (7 children)

The opener should be more random than contextual. So if she's talking about her puppy, open with something like - "Hey, you, how are you, I'm me" vs. "I'm me, I have a dog too."

Frame the opener like you noticed her and introduced yourself, not like you were listening and had something to contribute.

[–]akatsukirp 11 points12 points  (3 children)

This is fucking key right here. If you try to relate to her, because you have a dog, you both have similar hobbies, etc. It kills mystery, enters her frame, etc. If you meet a girl who watches some obscure movie few people have seen don't mention it, if she later finds out because you skillfully drop a hint after fucking her, her mind will be blown.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)


    [–]jeezydasnowman 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    Not getting excited over common interests is seductive. It's a great way to fake abundance assuming you aren't there yet... once you have abundance you don't get excited much because you already have what you need. Needy vs. non-needy - abundance vs. lack thereof.

    Abundance/faking it = seductiveness = you are clear to escalate.

    [–]GarandTheftAvto 11 points12 points  (2 children)

    I'm curious, why do you suggest a random or unconnected intro here? I've had good success using context to disarm on the approach, because the initial stages of talking to a new girl can feel hostile.

    [–]jeezydasnowman 34 points35 points  (1 child)

    Because it immediately establishes idgaf and also shows how strong your frame is. Regardless of how pretty she is or how much attention shes getting, you approach on your terms in your frame.

    [–]GarandTheftAvto 19 points20 points  (0 children)

    Wow, this is a really good point. I guess it also lets you set the tone and a new direction for the conversation without supplicating.. Thanks man.

    [–]Luckyluke23 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    i mostly just open with the " hey whats going on? having a good night?"

    then from there go into whatever. some random outlandish shit mostly. I think i might change this and go with the sexual tention building

    [–]Peter_B_Long 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    "What are you drinking?"

    "What workout program are you doing?" [Gym] (Yes I've said this and it worked)

    [–]gistaminute 19 points20 points  (0 children)

    For example, beginners should try to open every girl and kiss any girl who likes them. For intermediates and advanced, I would say only open interested girls and don’t kiss the girl in public. In my experience, it offers a release of sexual tension to the girl and takes away the sense of urgency that drives her to needing to fuck you. Instead she has a nice little ending for her story of the night

    Exact same finding... suggest going somewhere when she starts trying to kiss you or get you to kiss her. She'll know what you're going for... nice make out if not home, yet to try public sex... not caring about being seen in the act is interesting and plausible...

    Put her hand on your dick, start teasing her pussy and eventually she will start pulling your dick towards her pussy. She is telling you to put it in. Do so.

    This also cements the fact that SHE wanted it the next day... any doubt can easily be met with the memory of her pulling your dick into her. They always do it, letting them beg for it a little is part of the routine. Between them begging for it and having them put on the condom, there's an audible moan when they finally get it in them.

    [–]jd0589 20 points21 points  (0 children)

    Guys, don't fuck in or near a school, you don't want to be a registered sex offender lol. Over all, quality post

    [–]FrameWalker 46 points47 points  (6 children)

    Great stuff. Jus tlike to add muscle mass automatically makes you sexual so the scrawnier you are the more tension you need to add. Usually skinny guys can do tons of touching without overdoing it. If you're a big guy easy on the touch but stay close.

    [–]C-grij 5 points6 points  (5 children)

    Maybe you can elaborate more but why isn't it a good idea if you're more muscular to touch compared to smaller guys? Wouldn't touch just help in addition to your physique?

    [–]FrameWalker 25 points26 points  (1 child)

    It's a delicate balance. You need to escalate at least to the point of being a sexual option but not far enough to hit ASD or LMR. If you are very muscular shes already aroused and if you are escalating quickly it will overwhelm her and part of her will go woah is this hapoening right now? She loses plausible deniability.

    Going from 180 to 200 lbs I learned that it was best for me to handle logistics go easy on the touching (doesnt mean none) and its pretty mich downhill from there.

    [–]C-grij 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    Thanks for explaining that, it makes sense. I'll try to remember this next time.

    [–]jeezydasnowman 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    I am a big guy and most men and women shirk from me. I have found what works for me is to meet people halfway when touching, open my body language but pause long enough to calibrate whether to "complete the loop" or back off. It's also super easy to play off when you open your body language because there is plausible deniability. Plus I'm laughing and very present to the moment regardless so people take it as me being me and having fun vs. a single guy trying to get lucky.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)


      [–]Luckyluke23 11 points12 points  (1 child)

      this is the most incredible post I have read in my life and i want in and around my brain 24/7!!!!

      if only you posted this last week! i kissed a girl in the club but now she's not text back .. :(

      anyway. how do give you one of those point things? I learnt ALOT from this post and i wish more posters would post this instead of the circle jerking that goes on here.

      man... I feel like my mind has been blown right now. Do you have any tips for someone who is horrible at eye contact?

      [–]Bigjohnthug[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

      Just click the redpill man. Glad you like it.

      Work on holding it for longer. I was really socially fearful as an adolescent learning this so I started by just holding eye contact for the count of one with everyone I walked past. Then count of two, three and four. At four I had no more fear of looking into eyes so I went back to three and focused on never breaking it with women I found attractive. It's easy once you get the hang of it.

      [–]Jahlawlz 9 points10 points  (0 children)

      Macaroni art collection, I'll have to take that one

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)


      [–]Bigjohnthug[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      On one hand, I know what you're saying and have been there were one soft kiss will keep her craving and even elevate that lust. However, I've also had girls who after a tiny peck will be satisfied that they hooked up with a hot guy and be done with it. Looking back on it, quite possibly those girls were attention seekers anyway. Maybe little kisses during are worth it, personally I'll probably stick with what I know because it works for me but definitely worth considering thanks.

      [–]blr1998 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      Remember kids, if you're too nervous to put your hands on her body, you're probably not ready to put your dick inside of her.

      [–]caP1taL1sm 12 points13 points  (7 children)

      Really awesome, great job.

      Do you ever actually invite them back before kissing them? Would seem like kissing them where you met them / second venue would be necessary.

      Have you ever run into issues where you'll make out at a bar/dance floor, and then she's not interested in going home? Do you just get her number?

      [–][deleted]  (5 children)


        [–]caP1taL1sm 6 points7 points  (2 children)

        Just seems awkward if you haven't already kissed her to then invite her back. I'll try it sometime though and let you know how it goes

        [–]jeezydasnowman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Practice by having friends over more often. Once you get used to inviting friends over and you get more popular, you will notice your demeanor and text game change over time to reflect that new abundance. Instead of "come to my place" it becomes "come continue this party".

        [–]Bigjohnthug[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

        100%. Kissing is just a good gauge of how keen she is to get fucked, I think doing it at the bar/dance floor is a slight negative overall but doing it at the second location- despite that location often sucking, being an alleyway or park etc- works well as a gauge without endangering the vibe or gifting closure. So, I do it like that most the time but have also pulled without kissing a few times, especially very quick pulls.

        [–][deleted]  (42 children)


        [–]Bigjohnthug[S] 27 points28 points  (1 child)

        To get her speaking I just keep grabbing conversational threads until something clicks and she keeps talking about it. From there just open ended questions and let the conversation flow.

        To make it very clear for you; here is an example from my last cold approach:

        "Cheerleader?" She was wearing a varsity sweater.

        "No haha why?"

        "You look so preppy with your sweater..."

        "Oh haha thanks it's just a sweater."

        "Legit my favourite piece of clothing. I know most people relax in pyjamas but for me it's a sweater, nothing else." I went on for a bit here about loving sweaters.

        "Yeah it's good that you don't get cold wearing them but you don't get hot either."

        "You don't? I melt."

        "Haha it depends."


        "What I'm doing I guess."


        "So, what do you do... Valerie?"

        I just picked a shit name so she'd give me her real one. Gertrude is great for really hot girls, basically the hotter the girl the dumber the name. Mary-Sue for blondes is another one.

        She hooked from talking about temperature; up until that point I was literally just saying whatever popped into my head. In general you want to chit-chat like this and every few sentences make a conscious effort to hook her with a "good" question about her life, interests, passions, dreams etc. The thing is she is just as likely to hook off the chit-chat as the deep questions and once she's hooked either is fine so long as she talks most.

        [–][deleted]  (1 child)


          [–]johnveliotes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          How many times are you going to reply? Did you get this upvoted to 3 automatically by your own alternate accounts?

          [–][deleted]  (1 child)


            [–][deleted]  (1 child)


              [–][deleted]  (1 child)


                [–]mancozbi 5 points6 points  (0 children)

                I haven't even finished this and I want to see how good it is. "Sticky eyes" that's a great one.

                [–]tsirolnik 9 points10 points  (7 children)

                OP, how do approach new girls?

                I've moved out to a new city, I'm alone here so basically I depend on day game. But... Overthinking too much, so I haven't done it yet.

                Any tips/ideas?

                [–]pisspoordecisions 18 points19 points  (5 children)

                Take any invite to go to any sort of social interaction that you get - even if it doesn't sound great or it's with someone you don't care for. Join some sort of club, hell even a rec sports team. Expand your network as quickly as possible. The friends and chicks will come with it. I meet almost 99% of the girls I hook up with through mutual friends or at events I go to with them - rarely bothering to pick them up at bars. They usually have their guard down and are much friendlier. It can be a bit exhausting basically doing what you did freshman year of college all over again, but it'll be worth it once you're fully settled in.

                [–]Bigjohnthug[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                I wrote a comment which got deleted because it had a reddit link in it. This was literally what I said sans link though so listen to this guy.

                [–]Mr_Talent 3 points4 points  (2 children)

                I can see the potential in your advice, but on the other hand, there's this old saying of "don't shit where you eat".

                I always have problems approaching on places where I'm a regular (e.g. gym). The reason is pretty simple. In the event I'm not successful, I will have to see that girl in the future multiple times. So I go to the gym to train, not to create a possible environment of discomfort every time I see that chick.

                [–]pisspoordecisions 3 points4 points  (1 child)

                I wouldn't ever approach a girl at the gym. I'm busy getting my workout in, not staring at chicks. She's busy getting her workout on. She's not trying to meet someone there and neither should you. Gym time is you time.

                As for shitting where you eat - don't fuck girls you work with. Otherwise you should be fine.

                [–]tsirolnik 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Thanks man! I'm always happy to hear advice from the greater ;)

                [–]no_face 9 points10 points  (0 children)

                I read a lot of posts here that are regurgitated from the sidebar and obvious newbies with recent luck.

                OP however, is the real fucking deal. Good post, mah nigga

                [–]mikeymop 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                Solid advice, I did the honey eyes as a joke once and was very effective. Will definitely try it more

                [–]rossiFan 5 points6 points  (1 child)

                Excellent write-up. Should be stickied. Could be accompanied by positive as opposed to negative body language framework for the guy as well as the girl. I think the whole body language thing is fascinating.

                [–]c9victor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                You wouldn't happen to know any good body language posts would you?

                [–]scaffelpike 12 points13 points  (0 children)

                I'm gonna say it - I'm a girl and i literally just touched myself after reading this post - it's that good ;)

                [–]DrHolz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                Awesome post Bro. Thank you so much.

                [–]phareux 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                Good pos bro useful stuff I needed to learn

                [–]disgruntledearthling 2 points3 points  (3 children)

                Who's removing these posts?

                [–]Bigjohnthug[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

                idk, is this actually removed for some people? I've got a few messages+comments about it now...

                [–]disgruntledearthling 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                Seems to be back now - just checked. Good stuff though I don't see why anyone would object. Might be a reddit bug?

                [–]Bigjohnthug[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                I'm still getting messages that its down and comments on the post, so it's still down for some people. Must be, I don't think any of the mods are hurting over this lol.

                [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children)

                Fuck, I must have just missed it. Reposted elsewhere? What happened?

                [–]Bigjohnthug[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

                This must be removed for some people? I've got a few messages and comments about that now.

                [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                Would really like to read it, mind copying it to a text hosting site for us?

                [–]Eclectiqque 1 point2 points  (4 children)

                thank you for the input, quality content on this sub.

                I see you're answering pretty often in the comments. what's your opinion on whether we have to display our "ladies-man" attitude towards women or keep it lowkey. This is what sparkled my mind when you said

                overtly saying “I get so much pussy I’m drowning” will backfire.

                Of course, I'm not pro flaunting how much you fuck or something like that but how low key would you keep it? For instance, last night a girl I like took my snapchat and she keeps posting herself. this was another "snapchat takeover". i told her something like "you're killing my side-hoes". I'm trying to gauge whether this is too much what do you think?

                For the last period of time I've challenged myself to be as open as possible about my thoughts and ofc i'm seeing progress. I was also holding back some low-key replies about my open, polygamous attitude with women and right now i'm deciding up to which point i'm controlling it. thank you!

                [–]Bigjohnthug[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

                I have this one FWB at the moment who goes nuts for this stuff. She has a real love/hate thing going with me being a player. She'll be talking about something and I might say "Oh my ex-girlfriend used to love-" then she'll cut me off with "OK I GET IT! Your ex was amazing! Jesus Christ!" or "One of my friends is super into-" "Is this another one of the girls you've fucked?" Girls like this are fairly common and honestly the majority of the time they're like this because it turns them on. This particular girl (others too though) loves staking her claim with blowjobs and massages etc. She'll buy me dinner because she's insecure that the unsaved number I didn't answer was competition. She'll wake me up with a blowjob before she leaves to make sure I'm too empty to call another girl over...

                To get girls to treat like that you have to be projecting the right amount of boyfriend vibe- basically you want to be the perfect boyfriend if only other girls would let her have you. You never want to be rubbing their face in it because then they feel like they can't ever get you since there are so many women. Never bring it up yourself, but don't be ashamed if she does.

                The vibe is thus: you are so attractive these girls throw themselves at you, you just want to have a cute dating thing going but these girls keep sending you nudes... You get the picture. You want her to think of these other girls as competition, but treat her so she thinks she can win. You don't want to bring girls up, or treat it like you "get a lot of girls" because you don't, they just throw themselves at you.

                Here is a really good example of the difference in attitude: Last year I went on this date to a restaurant/bar with a girl I was semi-serious with. We were eating when another girl came over, complimented her a bunch then cold ignored her and got really touchy with me. I'd fucked this girl about a year before, we'd stopped talking but obviously seeing me out with another hottie stoked her passions. I was polite, I was nice but not really flirty. She did things like lean over the table to hug me instead of walking around- thus huge load of boob in my face and my date was staring at her back- and the other typical flirty laughing too loud, etc. I would hug her back, but not squeeze like she was. I would let her touch my chest, but not reciprocate. I occasionally looked at my date as if to say "What's up with this chick?"

                Then the girl left. "Who was that?" Me: "I'm not sure." I went back to my meal, she now believed that girls just come up to me and do this shit.

                That sums up the vibe perfectly. She wants to imagine you going out, being nice to people and doing your own thing at the bar. She wants to imagine you sitting there talking to your boys when some hottie just throws herself at you. This makes you seem like a ludicrously good catch; whereas seeming like a guy who can pickup any girl is a sexfiend and she will always blame you for any flirting, even if the girl initiates. She also won't feel the need to 'compete' because it's you who is the dirty sex rat. She won't stick around... you get the picture. Try to seem like a lot of girls want you vs you get a lot of girls. IE, you have your pick of women and maybe she's the one.

                [–]Eclectiqque 0 points1 point  (2 children)

                This makes you seem like a ludicrously good catch

                this is the whole idea. wonderful.

                i can relate. last night i had a girl that i kissed some days before. messaged me, came to my place, she knew what she wanted. later, she was talking about how today it's her and tomorrow it would be another girl. so this is one type of girl.

                however, another girl keeps trying to shame/blame me for being a player and, although we've fucked in the past, does not want it again nowadays due to how open I've been in front of her about my other girls. so she seems to get distant due to this attitude. what's your opinion on this?

                nevertheless, i agree with what you said as I kept having that attitude before the talk yet it made me think about this last girl I told you about - is she the exception from the rule?

                getting back to the main point: maybe it's also because of the society I live in (i.e. eastern europe) where being a player/fuckboy is shamed and girls are shamed if they chase this type of men (and you know the whole story but i think it happens to a lesser extent in the USA), but I've been wondering whether I should display the fact that I'm also busy with other women in front of those I want in that very moment, due to the fear of appalling them by talking about this.

                edit: wait, it came to my mind now. there was this girl like 8.5, really nice girl who gets a lot of attention who has shown me IOI yet when I tried to escalate it she let me know that she's not interested becuase of me being too much of a ladies-man. I feel her vibe, as I often didn't offer her attention due to the fact that i know she gets it so much from other chumps. this is another example that makes me wonder how much should I display the ladies-man attitude.

                [–]Bigjohnthug[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                It sounds like you might just be going TMI here man. Maybe scale it back a little, give vague hints if they ask about other girls. IE "How do you know her?" "We're friends from way back." That's the same thing, but you don't explicitly tell her.

                IDK about EE because I've traveled there but never lived there. I didn't really find much difference picking up girls anywhere except Budapest, which is terrible for it six days of the week and ridiculously amazing one.

                [–]Eclectiqque 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                by TMI you mean too much information? got your point, thanks for the input

                [–][deleted]  (3 children)


                [–]Bigjohnthug[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children)

                It's probably better to pick up girls on foot and lead them to your car then try to get them from your car. That sounds dangerous.

                [–][deleted]  (1 child)


                  [–]Bigjohnthug[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

                  To be honest I don't drive, however I know the absence of touch and eye contact can build sexual tension very well so I'd focus on my conversational pacing and tonality to turn her on.

                  [–]Upoopinmybutt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                  "etch-a-sketch" not "etch-n-sketch"


                  [–]MrFunnyPantss 0 points1 point  (2 children)

                  Great atricle man, but I've got a question. So how do you know if she's not interested and at what point you realise the conversation isnt' leading to anything, and move on to another girl ? And could you show an example of that conversation.

                  [–]Bigjohnthug[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

                  I'm glad someone asked this, because I didn't even think of it which is a huge mistake on my part. I took for granted that other people will just know when the reality is this method shows differently than most others.

                  • The girls will nearly always be polite and friendly; don't rely on telling them apart by "nice and plays along" vs "mean and doesn't play along" because by far the larger margin of girls will play along.

                  • While about 80% of girls will play along verbally and to an extent physically, a lot of them won't be keen on holding a level of escalation. So, say you've been talking for 10 minutes or so and you compare hands, then end up holding them. Both girls will hold your hands for a bit, the one who actually wants to fuck won't let go though. They will generally commit more to any escalation and actually maintaining it.

                  • Girls that actually want to fuck 100% care more about the escalation than the conversation. If you can stop talking (a decent length in, like 30+ minutes for a normal one) for 30 seconds or so and just watch each other/hold hands or something then you know she is keen.

                  • She will leave with you. This is the ultimate test. When you think she's ready, ask if she wants to grab an ice-cold smoothie at your pad. The girls who want to fuck will.

                  One last thing: sometimes it will be stupidly fast when you game like this. I'm talking literally minutes. These times are super easy to tell because the girl will be escalating on you and will respond well to pretty much any escalation. Just isolate ASAP when the girl is like this. Honestly, don't dawdle, you'll thank me later.

                  [–][deleted]  (1 child)


                  [–]Bigjohnthug[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                  Hahahaha man it's a twist on the Mystery line, not at all racist... I mean, I am mixed race lol.

                  [–]TruthInArt 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                  I'm a student. Recovering omega, dropped a lot of fat but I'm not fit yet. Maybe average. What I'm saying is on all accounts, I am far from being Chad.

                  Is it possible (with some more work) to fuck 7s and 8s in public if I don't currently have access to a car or my own place? Your post made sense but I'm not sure if a noob could do that.

                  [–]Bigjohnthug[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                  In all honesty: I don't know. I have no idea what you look like, where you live, etc. The only thing I can say is that in most all cities I've been in, girls are OK with public sex and I've definitely seen some pretty meh guys manage it in a few of them.

                  Of all the types of pull I do, public pulls are the most dependent on looks. The reason for that is the time-frame- these pulls only take ~5-10 minutes usually. I don't have time to sell myself. If I was spending 60+ minutes in set, I would just pull to my house. For other guys I don't think that means you need the looks to public pull, I just think it means you need to spend more time in set before pulling however it goes.

                  [–][deleted]  (12 children)


                  [–][deleted]  (9 children)


                    [–]tchoob -5 points-4 points  (8 children)

                    Yeah, I understand most of this sub is probably at least a little asperger-y, and that definitely makes it more difficult. But your means of going about solving it doesn't actually solve anything. It just makes you an awkward asshole. You might get laid out of it but I promise you're never going to form a healthy relationship, and you'll always be "that guy" to everyone else.

                    In my opinion your actual first step should be learning how to talk to groups of people. Can you be funny without resorting to things only the internet would find funny? If you can make guys genuinely laugh and want to hang out with you in casual conversation, you'll be able to do the same thing with women.

                    If you absolutely cannot accomplish that, I promise you there are also a ton of cringey women out there, who are looking for someone just like you. They might be harder to find but I promise you they exist.

                    The first step is probably lowering your standards tbh. Not to say awkward attractive women don't exist... but they're definitely rarer. Let's be honest with ourselves here. Half the reason you guys don't know how to talk to people is because you've always been kinda ugly so you got picked on a lot right? What makes you think there aren't girls that had those same experiences, and aren't now in the same position as you?

                    [–]trp_dude 9 points10 points  (3 children)

                    If you can make guys genuinely laugh and want to hang out with you in casual conversation, you'll be able to do the same thing with women.

                    LOL. You know women are not actually just men without a penis, right? They're wired differently. I think you need to do some basic TRP reading.

                    [–]slay_it_forward 4 points5 points  (1 child)

                    Fuck off woman. You have no clue what you're talking about.

                    [–][deleted]  (1 child)


                      [–]tchoob -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

                      The foundation is exactly the same. If you can't hold a casual conversation with a woman you aren't going to be able to flirt with her. Not well, anyway.

                      [–]poorimaginations 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                      I tend to think about it like this. This level of advanced seduction techniques is primarily for guys who already have reasonable success with women, and want to be even better at picking up women for sex.

                      Average guys, I think, do exactly what you say. They talk to women like any other person, and if the timing is right and the starts align they might get sex or a relationship out of it.

                      For most guys just talking to women, preferably lots of women, is the way they get sex and girlfriends. They'll probably not bed 100 women doing that, but if they're willing to settle for LTRs it's probably good enough.

                      [–]jeezydasnowman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      I disagree that seduction is for sex, and that average guys talk to women like any other person. I work at a bar so I base my opinion off my reality, not research.

                      Seduction is so much more than a better sex life - it actually holds the key to power. And with power may come responsibility - or opportunity depending on how you frame it and how you set boundaries. The less you invest the less responsible you are, the less bullshit texts you get, the less you get used as an emotional tampon. At the same time you have to have the frame and understand seduction to the point where you either set boundaries on loyalty or remain mutually single (plate theory).

                      An average conversation with a woman goes something like this - Hey I'm Jeezy, I love your looks. We don't talk to men that way - and we sure don't blow up their phones.

                      [–]zephyrprime 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      are attractive

                      Well,,,that's where I stop reading.

                      [–][deleted] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

                      I just rolled my eyes so far behind my head they went into orbit.

                      Are you getting paid to give "advice" to virgin neckbeards? Fucking lol at this post.

                      [–]Futdashukup -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

                      Can buy you a drink? Cool . . . So, what's your favourite cheese?