So my post isn't deleted I'm going to preface this with - I do not advocate LTR's. I do not advocate monogamous long term relationships. However, the value in RP is what you make of it, and I understand and appreciate many people will always want some sort of committed relationship
There are many of us here are in current LTR's that began before we discovered TRP, and also many of us who are currently experiencing a breakup and have arrived here as a result. Many, if not most of us, have ex girlfriends in our lives, whether they are recent or old. This is geared towards newer members who have found this sub via a recent breakup, which is undoubtedly how a large majority of us found this place. This post will be discussing the following - why a long term relationship relationship fundamentally ends and the inherent impossibility of an LTR coinciding with your imperative as a man, the dynamic of the post-breakup period, why ex LTR's seemingly always contact you again and how you should be thinking and behaving during all of this.
Hopefully by the end of this you will come around to the idea that an LTR in current society may be simply antithetical to your well-being as a man, and feel better about the confusing, helpless desperation that comes as a result of being dumped.
A long term relationship is almost always terminated by the woman. Every long term relationship ends in the same way for the same fundamental reasons, although these reasons are usually dressed up differently and we're given solipsistic platitudes such as "we're just at different points in our lives" "it's not you it's me" "I just don't have time right now". We must keep in mind any verbal explanation a woman gives you regarding the ending of your long term relationship is to be ignored. She herself cannot conceptualize the real reasons she no longer wants to be with you so she cannot be blamed. She simply feels in her body that she can't be with you.
An LTR ends because the woman is no longer sexually and in turn emotionally invested in you. That is quite literally all there is to it. She has, over the course of weeks/months, detached herself from you in a sexual context, mentally removed you from "lover" status and has compartmentalized you into an inescapable box labeled "friend" which roughly translates to "genetic dead end" and "mistake". I don't have to explain the reasons for her detaching from you - they are all over this sub. Your inevitable betafication throughout your LTR has inadvertently revealed your true nature to her and it fundamentally disgusts her on a viscerally primal level, and is in direct opposition to her imperative to mate with her conception (this is important) of an alpha male. She feels like she has been tricked. For her to continue sleeping with a man who has revealed he is not the man she went into the relationship hoping he would be is antithetical to her mating strategy and core biology, and her vagina will quite literally shut down around you, despite her still "loving" you and caring for you. It is an unconscious process and once these beta traits reveal themselves to her the natural and reflexive detachment process begins irreversibly. Some rare women will continue sleeping with a man right up to the day they dump him. Usually this is her last-resort-hamster attempts to find out if she is able to "feel" anything, if she herself is the one "broken", if maybe this time she won't feel disgusted by her partner.
Up the Dosage
When you first enter a relationship with a woman, the blue male thought process revolves around a semblance of a projected future, along the lines of "fantastic, a hot, cool girl I can settle down, relax and enjoy life with". The female thought process is in the moment. She thinks "awesome, I've got an alpha male who is making me feel so good, I'm so happy right now with the way I feel", while unconsciously she is thinking - and her body is screaming at her - "I need this man to continue behaving the way he is behaving right now in this moment, I need him to keep making me feel the way he is making me feel in this current moment and I need this to continue indefinitely unwaveringly". She is not thinking in terms of the future, of the fluctuations of realistic human nature and behavior, and she can't conceptualize that a man would eventually stop making her feel the way she's feeling during the hook-up phase - as this is the premise on which she enters a monogamous relationship in the first place. She believes a relationship is merely a prolonged, unending flow of the same feelings she is receiving during this non-committal hook-up phase.
Gradually, she realizes she no longer feels the same about the situation. ("I don't feel the same way about you anymore, I'm sorry, I wish I could fix it, I don't know why I feel like this") Your promise of monogamy and it's inevitable implications has tarnished your image in her eyes, and at that moment you enter into an LTR with her she is biologically wired to destroy you as unconscious punishment for removing yourself from the sexual market place and investing in her, self sacrificing and openly rejecting your own sexual imperative. You forsake your sexual imperative which is to spread your seed and fuck hundreds of women for hers - which is to lock down a strong man and sap him of resources. She recognizes, or more accurately feels this imbalance and sacrifice on your behalf and resents you for it, in the same way she resents all other male sacrifices made on her behalf. The only difference here is that this sacrifice is one fundamental to your human nature, making it particularly abhorrent in her eyes.
The man you are now, a loyal, committed boyfriend with eyes only for her, is at direct odds with the fantasy of you on which she was excited to enter a relationship with you by. This confuses and disgusts her, and she is perpetually aware that your commitment to her is at odds with your imperative to fuck other women which was part of her fantasy projected onto you.
A woman fantasizes about taming an alpha male and taking him from the wild to make her own. This is a fantasy. She does not want this. She wants you to remain a wild beast, she needs you to remain a wild beast. The mere act of promising exclusivity and devotion to a woman is the moment her fundamental attraction for you plummets through the floor and maintains a steady downward trajectory, and you are almost immediately shifted from "hot mysterious lover" to "resource (time, money, attention, comfort) and possession". This is inescapable. The work required to keep one woman perpetually sexually invested in you in a monogamous relationship is in absolutely no way worth it. In my deleted LTR guide I discussed the lengths it takes to keep a woman seeing you as an untamed sexual prize while still in an LTR. It is simply not worth it.
Your attainability and familiarity in her eyes becomes repulsive (note this is on an unconscious level and primarily felt in her vagina). Now that she has you, she no longer sees you in the same way and as i've already said - she feels tricked, deceived, cheated even. This is the moment the detachment begins and she engages in her new unconscious search for a man who can give her the feelings you were giving her during the hook-up phase of your relationship, because she believes these feelings she's receiving during the hookup phase are how a relationship is supposed to feel permanently and that your inability to unwaveringly supply her with these feelings means you are unsuitable. She has limitless men available at her fingertips. A new dick and the associated heroin-like injection of rollercoaster emotion and feelings she is searching for is one text message away, one Tinder message, one FB message, one Instagram "like" away.
A woman is not aware of the intricacies of her sexual imperative. She (on some level) knows she has to find the strongest man possible to give her children and resources, but she doesn't realize the mere act of locking this man down and having him invest in her will cause her to detach from him sexually, and she wanders through life, ending relationship after relationship in search of her fantasy ideal which culminates in a life of flings and riding the CC, or settling with a beta male post-wall, while bemoaning the lack of real men.
Now we understand why a relationship ends, I will discuss ex dynamics.
Upon dumping you, a woman needs the emotional satisfaction of knowing that she has left you a weak, ruined man. She needs this in order to confirm her feelings that you are in fact unsuitable for her, and she needs it to give her the confidence to tentatively jump back on the CC and ride cocks knowing in the back of her mind there is a man she can derive emotional validation once the non-commital poundings of Chad start to erode her self worth. She simultaneously wants to be as far from you as humanly possible and not hear a word from you, while also needing to know that there is a man waiting for her and wanting her back. She will keep in contact with you sporadically as a means to gauge how invested you are in her and to indulge in the self-reassuring leverage of power over a male while she's simultaneously being pounded into submission and degradation by Chad. She will message you months/weeks later to check up on you to make sure you're still ruined and to assuage any doubts that she might've made a mistake.
The blue man will beg and plead, chase and stalk, call and cry. The woman feeds off of this validation and uses it to propel herself back onto the CC - she feels good about herself as she has a man pining over her, she feels worthy, she has the confidence to now fuck whoever she wants without having to feel the gaping void of emotional validation that comes with riding the cock of an unavailable Chad - because you are providing that to her. It doesn't occur to her that you are in emotional turmoil as a result of her contacting you - all she needs from you is validation so she can feel comfortable in riding the CC.
I've noticed exes will usually message you Sunday night or early in the week, around ~2-3 months after breakup. They'll do this because they've fucked someone that weekend, are hungover, depressed and feeling bad about themselves. They use you as an emotional tool to reassure them they are still wanted and cared about, sending out "feeler" texts like "hey, what's up" in hopes your response is one communicating you're still hung up on them - and once they have this validation they'll disappear again, ignoring any further contact, reinvigorated and ready to ride.
Never get back with an ex. Once a woman has terminated a relationship with you, it is irrecoverable and a relationship will never again work with this person. You will forever remain the man she ended a relationship with, which is the ultimate perversion of the natural order of male dominance and female submission.
No matter how alpha, how improved you become, you will forever remain the man she dumped, the man who cried over her, the man who she decided to end things with and who she deemed unsuitable. If you become ripped and successful, she will indulge in the memory of you as a self-masturbatory mental trophy, talking about you to Chad after he's blown his loud in her ass - "yeah, but I dumped him, he cried to me". If for some bizarre reason (scarcity) you do decide to take her back, she will resent you for not only promising exclusivity again to her, but for doing so with full knowledge she ended things with you and rode strange dick.
The only way forward is to cut your exes out of your life. They are dead. No contact indefinitely, delete and block phone numbers, remove from social media and forget their existence. They are relics of a time long past, where you were a naive boy, and they served as stepping stones to becoming a man.
Hopefully, if you've stayed with me, we all have an understanding of the inherent difficulties of LTR's in our current societal climate. This is the truth about why LTR's fail. For those of you recently dumped and hurting, destroy any glimmer of wanting your ex back by envisioning what she is actually thinking and doing right now.
The path to happiness is one of multiple plates who adore and worship you for following your sexual imperative and valuing yourself as a man, combined with a frame built upon stoicism, abundance, self love, and above all fundamentally existential independence.