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Meta"A Man is What He Thinks About All Day" (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by Endorsed Contributorthelandofdreams

There are two types of unsuccessful people in the world: those who don’t care about anything, and those who care about the wrong things.

Let’s examine the former, first off, and do so bluntly: there is a goddamn plague of apathy currently infecting Western culture.

Perhaps we are too full, too fat, too satiated: but the amount of people who just don’t care about anything is way too high. No, I don’t mean that “I don’t really care about global warming, police shootings, saving the orcas” kind of apathetic individual. That kind of apathy is natural, hell it is necessary for survival and happiness. Humans only have the capacity to care about things that are meaningful to them, as this is nature’s way of helping you to focus and keep your head in the game when it comes to your own success and survival as a creature.

While there are some people who genuinely care about far away causes that don’t immediately affect their lives, the clear majority of people who claim to care about these things are simply virtue signaling. So, refusing to recycle for the rainforest or run for breast cancer isn’t what I mean by the “apathetic type”. I’m referring, instead, to the type of guy who goes through life simply shrugging his shoulders at everything that happens around him. The kind of person who finds it easier to just not think about things.

You probably know a lot of these people: people that are “cool” and “laid back” and “easy going” to the point where they might as well just check out on life. These are people who avoid conflict, who take nothing personally, people who walk around saying “well if it is meant to be, it will happen”, or “things have a way of working out”, instead of attacking life, going after what they want, and pushing for control over the outcome of the things that directly concern them. At the risk of sounding like an old, grouchy bastard: these are the people who show up 15 minutes late to appointments every time, who play loud music and rev their fag rice burner engines at 2 AM in the suburbs, people who promise to do things and then just don’t, people who are "good friends" with their ex girlfriends. They have few strong opinions, and even fewer strong character traits. They don’t care about their word, about the suburbanites who have to wake up at 6 AM for work, about the people waiting an extra 15 minutes for them to show up day after day. They don't even care that their ex girlfriend was a slut who cheated on them repeatedly in order to "find herself". They have little self-reflection – life is easy when you just don’t give a fuck.

Hell, women actually seem to be drawn to this type of man, and he is likely responsible for a large percentage of those single mother’s you see complaining about “men” on Facebook.

Perhaps there is some appeal or adventure in the oblivion of being with an apathetic, non-committal, shoulder shrugging fuck. Who knows? But the idea that this type of person is “cool” and “hip” has long since hit the mainstream. Because our society works men to death, all while we culturally promote the narrative that life is all about “relaxing”, “forgetting our worries”, “letting go of concerns”, and taking “deep breaths.” We hear again and again that being laid back is the way to be.

But this whole mentality is wrong. Life requires passion. Life requires care. Life requires worry and stress and sweating some of the details. It requires that you use your blinker, make sure your roof doesn’t leak, that you show up on time, that you consider and respect strangers if you live in a society. That you cut people off who disrespect you. That you occasionally draw a line in the sand.

Now, that is not to say that giving a fuck is always an absolute good. On the contrary, the second unsuccessful type I mentioned involves a person who wastes themselves, their concerns, and their passions on things that are meaningless, unbending, or simply beyond their control. These people spend their lives bashing their heads against brick walls, concerning themselves with petty things, with what other people think of them, with being too short, too ugly, born too poor or the wrong color, with what they can’t do or how the world is stacked against them. These are the bitter people, the constantly angry, the resentful and the full of spite. Unless you are planning on being a revolutionary, there is very little point in dashing your few precious fucks against large, unassailable institutions, traditions, and ways of living. You aren’t going to change capitalism, feminism, the education system, the disposability of men, Islamic terrorists, the liberal bias of academics, the hypergamy of women, etc. – so at some point, you must stop railing against these things and just climb to the top of the pile in any way you can. You do so by caring about the right things, strategically, leaving the tilting against windmills to the gender studies department, and instead getting your head in the fucking game and thinking and caring about what is important.

Because that is the third type of person, the balanced individual who uses his precious few fucks sparingly, poignantly, with clear purpose and direction. These are the masters, the artists, the Van Goghs, the Da Vincis, the men who allow themselves to be consumed so wholly with the details of one great burning and profound passion, and through that channel are able to influence the world, to be remembered, to accomplish great and sweeping things.

To quote Emerson – “A man is what he thinks about all day long.”

So what is it that you are thinking about? Are you thinking about nothing? About only yourself? About pleasure? About the weed you are going to smoke and the chicks you are going to bang? Are you angry? At what? At yourself? At invisible enemies? About the ways the world has let you down? About all the insurmountable obstacles that are barring you from success?

The question you should always be asking yourself is: “What are you thinking about”

What owns the most of your mental real estate?

What do you give a fuck about?

And why?

TLDR: The first step to success is a careful stewardship over what you choose to care about.

Book and Blog.

Thanks TRP.


[–]rwlf 136 points137 points  (11 children)

I'm currently transitioning from exactly what you are describing and it is very difficult changing bad habits. Having no male influence or guidance growing up is a big reason.

My parents would just let me spend all my time to play video games and letting me do whatever the fuck I wanted. I was just following what my body and mind were telling me to follow the path of least resistance.

Playing games, eating, jerking off, smoking weed, drinking and chasing girls. My mother would cook for me every day and bring me water and snacks, did my laundry for god knows how long. My father was around but sick he had cancer, drinking problem, smoking and was dying of old age I was his last son of 10 children and was on his third marriage.

I was always late to class and always did the least amount effort to pass. Procrastinated to the last minute to do anything. I've finally moved out and have a shitty job and I'm picking up the pieces of my past.

Going back to school for computer science. I lift every day or go to Jiu Jitsu/MMA class. I've learned social skills from the ground up from youtube. Learned Fashion from youtube. How to do basic manly shit like tie a god damn tie from youtube.

Things are finally starting to change around for me but If I don't focus for one second I fall back into bad habits. I'm going to a therapist for help with anxiety and depression. My self-talk is horrible and always negative. Having no one to guide you or explain how the world works really sucked but now I'm at least creating a starting point and creating my basic routine.

[–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns 58 points59 points  (1 child)

How to do basic manly shit like tie a god damn tie from youtube.

Right there with ya bud. The Internet: the father I never had.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Finding something you really care about and pursue passionately will help massively with your anxiety and depression, too. Good luck, and good work trying to better yourself.

[–]Disciple_of_Libertas 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Not trying to do a plug, but Mike Cernovich(friend of TRP, has done AMAs here) talks about self talk in his book Gorilla Mindset which is a good blueprint to change your whole frame of reference on life.

[–]uky0kuonji 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Keep it up, glad to hear you're improving.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Jesus christ I resonate with all of this way too much.

[–]not-hardly 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Very nearly described me there. I feel like I am making slow progress toward getting it together. Your comment is inspiring.

[–]Jake_le_Dog 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Jordan Peterson on addiction

I think watching this will help you understand addiction better. It's easier when you understand how it works.

[–]on_the_bourbon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The internet is also the father that I never had. I know that there are so many men that are working to build themselves up in this same way. The Red Pill serves this purpose in so many ways.
I've utilized the internet to learn so much.

The real kicker for me is that I had to learn personal hygiene from the internet. Now I suffer from social anxiety. I am constantly thinking about how I have a horrendous body odor or repulsive breath. I take really good care of myself now, but I GRADUATED FROM HIGH-SCHOOL before I even thought about how to wash myself or brush my fucking teethe.

[–]Shakydrummer 45 points46 points  (4 children)

Definitely agree with you. It was funny, I was with one of my music teachers today and it was really flattering what he said to me. 'Out of all the kids I taught at that rehearsal space (it was torn down a year ago sadly), you were the only one who had the drive to actually practice and get better'. It threw me off a tad, because when you're a really driven person who is hell bent on doing something, whether that be practicing your instrument, making time for the gym, creating your own business, etc, you make time for it and everything else falls second, and I can't wrap my head around people who don't have that kind of drive for whatever helps create their own success in their life. I practice/play somewhere between 5 to 7 days a week and it's all I do. Don't have much time for video games or netflix and I seriously don't regret it. I don't have time to give a fuck about things that weigh me down, because as you said, the few fucks I have to give are being put towards something that is constructive to who I am as person. Good post dude!

[–]PissedPajamas 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I wholeheartedly understand your passion as a musician.

There's nothing greater than finding something you care about in life so deeply that it consumes your every thought, from the moment you wake till you're asleep. When you're devoted to an instrument, your performance and getting better, all you think about is your gear, your skill and writing music. That's my water, oxygen and food.

Now if others had that same mentality making music would be so much easier.

[–]Shakydrummer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Entirely man!! It's this never ending infatuation with the craft to just push for those golden few moments where time stands still and you truly live right in the present. All the late nights, saving up for the next piece of gear, dealing with the occasional debt, and constantly challenging yourself to break a new goal just become your existence! I'm so damn grateful I found a band that has the same work ethic as I do cause as you said, so many people are really casual with their instruments.

[–]Arlenethewhore -4 points-3 points  (1 child)

YEP. Shaky drummer good luck in your endeavors bro.

So many of these guys out her like look I would be out there "chasing girls", oh she likes you "go get her"..... Nah fuck that. How about she comes to me. Anyone who chases after one girl is a pendejo and is a fuckboy. These fuckboys are chasing after used and throttled pussy. Shit bro I really liked this hispanic girl, even though she was a little older than me for some odd reason I wa like infatuated with this girl from the first time i really noticed her.. But I realized you know this girl has been pounded out more than a few thousand times and has had a ton of cocks in her, she isn't even worth my piss. Serious. Why should I put in effort for some thirty year old skeezer who has no value besides whats between her thighs. She isn't a sugar mama, she cant help with my career, she is a nobody, a piece of meat who has been tenderized by many cocks and she is old as fuck. I think there are a few guys who think about this logically like I do. I think about all the time I have wasted and although I am still fairly young, I will never fall for some whores games again. If a girl likes you enough she will figure out a way to put in effort for you to be with her. If she ever says oh well you didnt talk to me, and didnt come after me. Well she has an overvalued sense of worth. What are the chances any of these girls these fucking guys chase after are going to be their wife.

[–]Bubbly_Swagger 13 points14 points  (0 children)

This reminds me of the Japanese proverb: "A man is whatever room he is in right now." It makes you reflect on what brought you to where you are at that moment when reflecting, trivial or monumental. With this Emerson quote, it's the thoughts of man that leads him.

[–]Spartan_Space_Cadet 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Dam, this hits close to home.

[–]wwwtcad 6 points7 points  (7 children)

Do you have any suggestions on how to stop thinking about the wrong things?

My biggest problem is that I get lost analysing things. Right now it's a recent breakup: I literally spent 8 hours laid down thinking about it on Friday. I Can't sleep at night. It fills my mind all day every day and I have exams coming up...

I know this is wrong and a problem, and i know that its pathetic and stupid to think about things out of my control (i.e. girls' attraction), but how can I fix it? Should I go to a doctor? Thus far I've tried fitness (works usually as long as I'm actually working out/running) and guided mefitation/self-hypnosis.

[–]Endorsed Contributorthelandofdreams[S] 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Someone mentioned higher up, but almost all anxiety and depression can be solved by, to put it really simply, picking up a hobby. You have to replace that bitch with something else. Right now your concern, passion, and mental space is just sort of floating around in the vacuum that this girl left behind. Of course you feel depressed and exhausted. So what you have to do is find something new. Join a rockclimbing club. Learn to cook thai food. enter a marathon. Set a goal to read 50 books this year. Then, whatever it is, just fucking start it. Day to day you will find youself more and more consumed by it, and you'll wake up one day and the pain will be gone. Good luck friend.

[–]couid 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not the person to whom you left this comment, but thank you.

[–]GunPostal 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Open a google document and write a daily journal. Put the date and time you start and begin typing what you are thinking. Don't worry about spelling, grammar or typos. Just write all of it. Get these thoughts out of your system. Tell how you screwed up. Tell how you won that day. Tell honestly how you feel about the topics that bothers you. Tell what are you going to do next and your plans on the very second you close that document.

We all need a best friend that we can tell all but unfortunately there's not allot of trustworthy people around and even if we do have best friends, we hold back a few bits of info from them.

With a journal, you can do this and your mind will shut up as soon as you put that idea down and that's how it worked for me personally.

Oh and of course, if you can put a password or code before accessing this document, the better. You don't want anyone having access to your mind.

[–]mighthavepenis 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Working out should help for a lot longer than just while you're lifting. Lift harder bro.

[–]yakakabadze 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, I've been in a situation like yours before, and let me share something I learnt. After all the work on bettering myself, investing time and energy in new and exciting things and basically doing everything I've found on TRP and other resources, I still had the problem of returning to the bad place in my thoughts. It was happening sometimes when I was busy, but more often when I was resting, or trying to fall asleep, or just on a break. There's one trick, though, that I came up with and that is working like magic. But before I tell it, there's an aspect of dealing with a difficult situation that's been probably the most effective to me. You must have a lot, I mean, a LOT to think about when something like a breakup happens. There's no good in keeping it in your cranium. Find a person who you can be extremely open with, and who would be extremely honest with you. The effect of pouring it all out is identical to... You know these steam kettles that whistle when the water's boiled? Try opening the cap when it's whistling - you can get facial burn from all the steam that's escaping. The same stuff happens in your head. So, find a person who you can trust, and tell them everything. Don't hold anything back. No holds barred. Even the most delicate and embarrassing stuff. Tell them how you were (or are) pleading your ex to give another chance, how you were (or are) scheming a plan to make her realize the mistake and get her back, how good the sex was and how deeply you are hurt. A strange things happens when you speak your negative emotions and problems out loud - you can't make them sound as bad as they are in your head. But anyway, I digress. This is my main advice:

So you know that radio that always plays some music in your head? Control that thing. Whenever you return to the unpleasant thoughts, actively turn some song on in your brain and let it cancel out the unnecessary noise. Keep playing this song, paying attention to every guitar riff, every drum beat and every syllable of lyrics, and then switch to something in your surroundings. This will take time, because it's a skill and learning skills takes time, but it will become easier and easier, and you will feel amazing once you see the first results. My personal favourite is 'Another Brick in the Wall' by Pink Floyd for 3 reasons. First, it was what I was listening to when I came up with the idea. Second, it's really great music, and I get to focus on the smallest details of it as I'm playing it in my head. Third, it goes extremely well with the mental image of A Brick Wall! that I use to block the bad thoughts with.

[–]butter_coffee 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'm currently reading "Maximum Achievement" by Brian Tracy; TRP is one of the few places that accepts these self improvement type book so I highly suggest people to read this an achieve their potential and learn methods to achieve their goals.

He mentioned that some people don't set high goals because they don't feel like the can achieve them. But one of the most astounding things I learned from him is, "It's better to set a goal and be disappointed, than to not set a goal and guarantee a life of disappointment and underachievement." I've read his story reflecting on the moment he "woke up", where he says "This is my life. Nothing is going to change if I don't change. Everything I want to do, or haven't done, I am responsible for. The game was on and I am the main player." I've read this over and over and wrote it down (the whole thing is a page long)

A small thing I want to mention is, I think there is a difference between apathy and confidence. I love the way TRP sees frame, how everything is just a game and it'll all work out. The apathy you mentioned sounds like someone who has just checked out on life and doesn't care or respect the people around him or his own situation, and has given up on doing any better. Living on autopilot. There is a different type of apathy, which is calm confidence I want to mention. It's the kind of successful people who think "it's going to work out. I'm going to succeed, the wind is on my side" and they jump into the problem without overthinking it. When something wrong happens, he believes things will work out in the end and looks for solutions without giving up. The mind doesn't strive for anything it thinks is impossible.

Aristotle said "Human beings are teleological creatures" we are only happiest when we are striving for goals. I think working on towards something feels better than "going with the flow"

Sorry for ramble, hope this contributes something. I love this post and it seems like every day TRP has something new that is relevant and inspiring.

[–]radioactivities9 1 point2 points  (2 children)

These are people who avoid conflict, who take nothing personally

Not taking anything personally, keeping frame of mind is meaningless if someone constantly avoids conflict. I suspect many people lie to themselves of this often. Just another form of untested strength.

Way too many underwhelming fuckers walking around.

[–]CaptainStardust 0 points1 point  (1 child)

People don't exist to entertain you.

[–]radioactivities9 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well you just did. MGTOW is pretty good entertainment overall.

[–]intuition25 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This post touches on things covered in depth in "The 7 habits of highly successful people" by Steven Covey. It's a great book and has been influential in my life.

[–]fattybread83 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly what I needed to read. Thank you so much!

[–]Everybodypoopsalot 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Best post on here in a while.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I'm sensing the influence of JBP in this post. Correct me if I'm wrong. It's beautiful to see if so.

[–]TehJimmyy 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I am thinking of cutting porn from my life but its not working. It must be my 132020 attempt . I am just away of one click. Fuck that.

[–]Merwebb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dont think, just do. If you find yourself again with porn, again, just do it.

[–]deville05 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What if you think about negative shit, about bad shit that doesn't help you, what if you think about fears and how you look and what yr doing in life n this n that n whatever. Are you that?

[–]feigenbaeum 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's a cliche. But I don't think it would be cliched if it were not right and useful.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why think?

You're either meditating or you're not.

Meditate instead. Try to think as little as possible. Your mind is a tool. you don't need to think in most circumstances. Since most of our thoughts tend to skew to negative, clearing your mind provides a peace you can't find anywhere else.

[–]blimp11 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Apple trees, drop apples. Only corn comes from corn. What other people think is none of your business. Just do you.

[–]theONE843663 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Life requires that you live! That is all. The world is lucky that I even exist so that bitches may drink my cum.

[–]faggotbrains 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Perhaps there is some appeal or adventure in the oblivion of being with an apathetic, non-committal, shoulder shrugging fuck.

Yes, and there is a whole school of philosophy) based on that

[–]no_face 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So this is why most men are pussies

[–]blimp11 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Look man water finds its own level. Don't force the water.

[–]saxoriko -1 points0 points  (1 child)

About the weed you are going to smoke and the chicks you are going to bang?

YES!!! That what's I am thinking about all day :D

[–]CaptainStardust -1 points0 points  (2 children)

OP sounds insecure and overly concerned with how others live their lives. Everyone is able to define their own success. Those that follow based on what others say success is are mostly doomed.

[–]holiestoftheholies points points [recovered]

No way, man. He's on point with his description of apathetic people who just shrug their way through life.

[–]Endorsed Contributorthelandofdreams[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Looks like we found the guy revving his rice-burner at 2am and showing up late to appointments =P

[–]GeesLuiz -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I get mixed feelings from this post. This is nothing but hate.

[–]SamuraiPizzaCatz -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Great advice for the average schmuck.

To fellow anti-authoritarians: This advice is not for us and will do nothing but make you laugh, so don't bother with it.