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Red Pill TheoryOn Becoming Comfortable (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by cmiovino

Comfortable. Providing physical ease and relaxation. Let me take a quick spin down memory lane and describe to you two past lives I've lived.
One peaked around 2014 and took years to reach. I was comfortable. Had a girlfriend. Rarely went outside my comfort zone. I rarely traveled outside my city. I didn't like 'hard' things. I worked out, but lightly. I never pushed myself at my job and was just basically a cube monkey pushing buttons. I had zero career ambitions and figured I'd get promoted by seniority. Poof, girlfriend leaves, a wakeup call. This happened over and over in the past, but this time I got mad and angry. 2015 was completely different.
This is were life #2 started. I started working out 10x harder. Started eating ONLY good stuff with a bit of alcohol mixed in when it was for social gain. At work, I came in each day with a mission and attacked projects and tasks. I put an addendum in my head that if I wasn't promoted or given move opportunities by a date I was out of there. I ended up leaving and increasing my pay 30%. I dated - a lot. Finally got over my bullshit approach anxiety and just did it. I dove into hobbies and became competitive in them. I got off my ass and traveled.
I felt alive at this time after doing this for a little over a year. Each day I got up with immediately, never tired, to some motivational speech. I took cold showers, morning and night. I rarely wasted an hour and was always doing something to better myself. Quite honestly, I was fueled a great bit by 'revenge' and hate. 2016 was more of the same. Traveling kicked up a notch. I was on the road every other weekend. Everything else continued.
Looking back on it, I accomplished a shit ton and had a great time doing it. Yeah, it was tiring at some points, but the payoff was huge. I felt massive progress and change.
As revenge and hate subsided, I slowly became comfortable again. I worked out, but with less intensity. I rationalized "Well, I don't want to hurt myself or be in pain as I get older". I traveled less because it was winter, cold, and I "should really focus on work". At work, I focused on just meeting minimums because there were many less people in the office and many work from home days. I could get up and literally log on my computer from bed. I earned it, right? I need coffee to function in the morning because I can get more done... or because it tastes nice with sugar and I can waste more time in the mornings. I don't need these cold showers - they're just uncomfortable and unneeded, I can get going without them. Trips, outings, and experiences were thrown away because "I could use that money to save for the future". Note each of these is a pure rationalization. I even got to the point where I unsubscribed to TRP because "I don't need that anymore, I'm passed it."
The thing is, you don't see this coming as it happens over months. You didn't instantly become a loser over night. My wake up call this time was our director wanting me to go to Denver in a few weeks and Charlotte the next week. I didn't want to go at all. That's when I realized I'm comfortable. A year or two ago I would have jumped on the opportunity. Free flight, food, and the ability to go somewhere and get an experience haven't had yet? Sign me I would have said.
Remember, it's those little daily things. That cold shower. At workout. Eating well. It's always saying 'yes' to opportunities and only saying 'no' when you don't see a benefit to yourself.
I was going to start tomorrow, but fuck it - it's back to the basics right now. Tonight it's a hard workout again. No more coffee. No more junk food that isn't 'fuel' for the body. I will be going on those work-related trips and I will be outputting energy to get ahead. I learned a valuable lesson that hate and anger can't fuel you forever - at some point the will and motivation to win needs to kick in and take over.
So I ask you, are you comfortable where you are at now? If you are, make sure tomorrow it's the most uncomfortable day you've had in a while.

[–]harkrank points points [recovered]

Life is this and has always been. Push and struggle to reach a new goal, then relax and let the success sink in while you prepare for new conquests. If you push all the time you're living for the struggle and will get stuck in it. If you prepare without action you're just dreaming.

[–]SiulaGrande 17 points18 points  (8 children)

i guess the balance is to keep pushing your comfort zone but in a calculated way and with tangible goals you're working towards. otherwise yeah, like you said, just being uncomfortable all the time without any goals will leave you drained and aimless. reminds me of a quote, i think by sun tzu, "Strategy without tactics is the slowest route to victory. Tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat." gotta have a goal in mind.

[–]IIlllIllIIIllIl 23 points24 points  (7 children)

Law of Power 47

Do not go past the mark you aimed for; in victory, learn when to stop.

[–]L3G10N9 2 points3 points  (4 children)

For argument sake, wouldn't you agree that this law of power limits potential? Maybe this is only applies to war

[–]IIlllIllIIIllIl 5 points6 points  (2 children)

From the chapter, which I encourage you to read.

Authority: Princes and republics should content themselves with victory, for when they aim at more, they generally lose. The use of insulting language toward an enemy arises from the insolence of victory, or from the false hope of victory, which latter misleads men as often in their actions as in their words; for when this false hope takes possession of the mind, it makes men go beyond their mark, and causes them to sacrifice a certain good for an uncertain better. (Niccolò Machiavelli, 1469-1527)

[–]Vinc314 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Is that from the prince? I've been meaning to read it for a while now

[–]IIlllIllIIIllIl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Its from the closing remarks on Law 47, from The 48 Laws of Power.

[–]BurnsVeecteem 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Funny how sometimes things that apply to war don't apply to your personal circumstances.

[–]VinsTheSpaceDriver 1 point2 points  (1 child)

This is a stupid law. You should always aim higher

[–]IIlllIllIIIllIl 2 points3 points  (0 children)

See other comment, and read the chapter for context and application.

[–]sd2001 39 points40 points  (32 children)

Solid message but...what the hell is wrong with coffee? I'm not talking about sugar-laden monstrosities from Starbucks. I'm assuming you mean actual black coffee as a negative.

[–]tallwheel 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Coffee has actually been great for weight loss for me. I do intermittent fasting from 9PM to 1PM the next day every day. The only thing I have for breakfast is black coffee. Satisfies me a bit since I enjoy coffee. For some reason I have very little trouble making it to 1PM, even without "bullet-proofing" my coffee. The caffeine can supposedly speed up your metabolism too.

Not to mention that lots of people on this forum have recommended caffeine for productivity at work (sometimes taken with theanine).

[–]verify_account points points [recovered]

Nothing actually, but while I agree with OPs post he's got bullshit about cold showers so he probably believes in some broscience.

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (2 children)

Cold showers are great. Not sure about the increased immune response and testosterone claims, but I do them simply because it's unpleasant as fuck. My mind says fuck no and my desire to be better turns that bitch even colder. Builds mental toughness if not anything else.

[–]hamsterbator -4 points-3 points  (1 child)

sounds more like a placebo bro science

[–][deleted] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

You do realize how effective placebos can be right?

[–]thestruggled points points [recovered]

Cold showers, if you still dont believe any of the other benefits, at the least build willpower, something we coukd all use.

[–]tino125 14 points15 points  (9 children)

Actually they take willpower to do regularly, and multiple studies have shown that willpower is a finite resource.

I'm not wasting mine on some broscience.

[–]1Alphaspire 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Willpower might be finite, but many believe it's like a muscle that can be strengthened. The jury is still out on all of this stuff.

[–]1scissor_me_timbers00 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Yeah but exercising willpower in small ways here and there like daily cold showers strengthens it.

[–]cbau 9 points10 points  (3 children)

These studies are not reproducible. Decision fatigue is a myth.

[–]FrakkenKrakken 0 points1 point  (2 children)

It's called ego depletion and it's well supported.

[–]cbau points points [recovered]

If you read the article you linked, you'll see it's extremely disputed.

[–]Koryphae_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Do not bother, he did not read it. He saw an article which talked about the concept and immediately linked it to seem smart.

[–]Koryphae_ 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Actually if you have not tried yourself you should not speak, at all.

[–]tino125 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I've never tried punching myself in the nuts daily either, and that takes willpower and is unpleasant. Should I start now?

[–]Koryphae_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Let me know how it worked out for you. Meanwhile I will be taking cold showers and feeling great.

[–]Fedor_Gavnyukov 7 points8 points  (7 children)

i take cold showers because it shocks my body every morning. been doing it so long i couldn't take a warm shower anymore, just feels weird and tiring. i take a warmer shower towards the night to relax and sleep. whether there's some ridiculous benefit outside of that to the cold shower, i don't know and i don't care. it just feels good. to each their own, but i wouldn't dismiss someone for taking cold showers.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (6 children)

Even Tony Robbins does something similar with his cold pools and hot springs. It's part of his daily "priming" to get himself physically and mentally ready for the day.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (3 children)

What do you mean with “even“? That dude, while being charismatic as fuck, is full of bs bro science and alternative medicin shit.

[–][deleted] -4 points-3 points  (2 children)

Ok man. When you get on his level feel free to comment. But let me guess, you don't want to do what he does right? Be worth hundreds of millions of dollars and have access to literally anything and anyone on the planet.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Ah yes I am not to call him on his bs because he is rich. Oh I would. He mostly got there by helping people. Doesn't mean his detox shit is true. No amount of money will change that. At least in the real world. In you mind it seems to work. Feel free to comment when you get to a Bill Gates level. Hes more scientific. What an idiotic argument.

[–]tsirolnik 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Tony Robbins is a shit ass lying self-help "guru".

[–]TheGameJerk 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I don't do them every day, but I find cold showers wake me the fuck up, while warm ones can make more more tired. I apply this principle as necessary.

[–]zimmerwillbemine 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Only on days when your mommy has already used up all the hot water probably lol

[–]Yakmon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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[–]redknightcrusader 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah the cold showers are also a practice of some Stoics, so may not just be about physical health but mental fortitude

[–]gjarreau 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Too much caffeine makes me angry. I have to drink half-caff now. That's not everyone though. I guess I'm overly sensitive to it.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Caffiene makes you angry? Try Adderall. That shit makes me want to tear people apart when they open a bag of chips during an exam. Pin point focus, but if it happens to be on something annoying, bad things happen.

[–]aDrunkenWhaler 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Coffee is a drug. Like any other drug, it is addictive, and you have withdrawals. You create tolerance, so you need to up the dosage over time.

Long story short, coffee is both good and bad. It can help you, but you shouldn't rely on it. Like everything else, use in moderation, and take breaks every now and then.

[–]NeutralReiddHotel 25 points26 points  (0 children)

This is a great post brother. I myself started a LTR and have been as comfortable as ever. Not pushing myself at all. I used to work out 6 days a week and work on my video game daily out of frustration. Now all I do is relax because, like you, I rationalized that I earned it.

Fuck that. Im getting my ass off the comfortable ass bed I would have stayed in for hours since it's my day off and I'm gonna get shit done.

[–]xXSoroxXx 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Yup, noticed this myself. Just snapped out earlier this morning. I went HARD, by hard I mean like 16-hour workdays, gym, trying boxing, yoga, jiu jit su.. etc Everyday was something new and a shit ton of work. I rocked like this for about 2 years and I started slowly dropping off. That one missed day at the gym turned into a week, that week a month. Before you know it I was eating fast food, not working out, and gaming 6-7 hours a day.... I managed to work out my mental mindsets so now I'm coming from inspiration instead of a desperation to get better. Much less energy used.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (0 children)


Anger, hate, revenge are all shamed as Toxic Masculinity but you nicely point out that these "Negatives" can be quite useful.

Derivatives can blow up banks or they can act as insulation hedging a pension fund from market risk. Dynamite can kill you or it can clear an old building to make way for a new school.

Use the bad energy to create good in your life.

That's what its there for


Please point OP

[–]Ader_anhilator 11 points12 points  (2 children)

I pushed myself way too hard from a work standpoint the last three years and I burnt out and lost focus on what really matters. So I quit that job and I'm moving back home where I can still get a similar job but also be there to help support my dad who recently lost his wife (step mom) and one of my brothers who is three years sober but still living a hard life.

I think the key is finding balance, which is really hard due to momentum.

[–]1OneRedYear 34 points35 points  (1 child)

Young guys don't understand that burnout is real. When you start having breathing and chest pains from just being at work. When you sit in the car and you don't want to go in. When you hate your job to the point of thinking of quiting or smashing your bosses face in....then you'll know. Doubling down on work can ruin you. And for what? Nothing. They will hire someone after you burn out and carry on. Killing yourself for something that you don't even own. Done. Over it. Fuck that place.

[–]M_ONEY 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Why work so hard to make someone else rich? Because it makes you feel good? How about barely trying at work and then going home and working your ass off on something that belongs to you.

[–]Hyper_Sonik 15 points16 points  (7 children)

I work 5 days a week and noticed that the day starting a new work week, is the most dreaded feeling. It's a fight between calling in sick , quitting or just overcoming the resistance. So learning from that, I have come to the conclusion that it's best to always be busy and never rest. If you work 24/7 and then sit down for a 5 minutes break, you're not going to want to get back up. This is the dilemma.

[–]1OneRedYear 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This sounds like the way to go, and if you're young and have a lot of energy it's totally doable. But let's look at the problem in your statement.

|It's a fight between calling in sick , quitting

That's not a job you are passionate about. I say this as someone who is in a job right now that I was very passionate about until a change in management. I was always ready to get to work, we had some great challenges and a great team and it was more fun than work. We were all doing the work we wanted to do. Well, our leader moved on to a better opportunity and soon after management changed through out the entire division. It's an entirely different company. The cut jobs, froze jobs. Everyone who could leave, did. The rest of us are covering the jobs of two or three people. It's a living hell and every Monday it's a fight between calling in sick or quiting. Fuck them. I am there to get paid. I am not going to stay busy working for them. I am going to do the bare minimum and spend the rest of my time working on my exit strategy. Just another POV. Good luck.

[–]I_AM_CALAMITY 3 points4 points  (1 child)

My entire childhood revolved around "breaks", being rewarded for anything I completed. Those rewards of course made it hard to start work -> procrastination. After years of this I am unable to stop procrastinating. Your conclusion is correct and I am working towards the goal of the only "breaks" I take being switching to something else productive.

[–]BrodinsOats 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Once you've developed a meditation practice to the point that it becomes enjoyable, it makes for the best kind of break.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (2 children)

I've been really working on this for the last 6 months: on becoming High Energy life by grabbing life by the pussy. I spent every last moment of my weekend doing something productive/fun/important to me. Working late on Friday to get an important rush shipment out to a key client, then drinks with coworkers. Saturday, cooked family a power-breakfast, played with my kid, had a friend visit and we worked on a project while chatting about life, family bike ride, dinner out, watch a movie in, playing in church band, finished a painting with the wife that we didn't finish on date night, helped a neighbor cut down a tree, fertilized the lawn, sharpened the lawnmower, hit the gym, cooking a nice dinner with the wife, put kid to bed while wife goes to yoga, then early bedtime and BJ. Just as we go to bed, wife says, "that was a really fun weekend, greatusername" Beta me would've lazed about and let her make all the plans, if any. I would've gone to bed dreading work on Monday after a weekend "recharging my batteries"

Edit: marriage isn't redpill, i'm doing the best with where I am at the moment

[–]Rooibosisboss 6 points7 points  (0 children)

sounds redpill to me, marriage can possibly or rather potentially be terrible for 100% of men, however it can be fun and rewarding for whatever % it is of men who lead a true redpill life. so like 2-5% maybe. thought i certainly understand people extolling "never marry" especially from a financial standpoint.

[–]Hyper_Sonik 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good fuckin job man. Full steam ahead.

[–]Shakydrummer 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Right on man. You caught yourself in it and are back at it. Couldn't have thrown this up at a better time too.

I noticed too, after my anger died post LTR ending even though I was working out and Doing things there was this 'you can relax' kind of vibe to things that I started to notice in myself. Fuck that. When I figured out she was a cheater, I dropped her ass, cut her out and started working my ass off...I hurt a lot, then turned the pain into a catalyst to improve myself. But as always, you slow down here and there and build a routine, so sometimes you gotta wake yourself up and get back to pushing.

I just noticed this myself so back at out 4 days instead of two days a week, get out every weekend, practice my ass off with my instrument even more. Really live life and enjoy the experience. If you want to speak in revenge, then just do well for yourself.

[–]1scissor_me_timbers00 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Question for you. Why no coffee? Seems a cup each day is harmless. And do you also cut out caffeine before workouts, like in preworkout supps?

[–]hellshigh5 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No man should see only regrets behind him

[–]Andrew54321 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Classic fear of pain vs desire for pleasure. At intense levels both will propel you to new heights. When I was taught this I asked:

"So what's the difference?"

I was answered:

"For every moment you're unhappy, is a moment you're not happy."

[–]Peter_B_Long 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Great post. Really made me reflect on myself and see if I've become too comfortable in my life.

Question for you sir, what benefits did you see with cold showers?

[–]iiaGrer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Test it out, each of us will experience the cold differently.

My practice is to start warm, then go to cold for a set number of breaths (say 12). During which I control my breathing to be slow and relaxed. Then back to warm then again cold. In the morning I end it cold. At night finish warm.

Cold showers allow the unnecessary to fade. They cnter my focus and prepare me to face the day with vigor.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I worked out, but with less intensity. I rationalized "Well, I don't want to hurt myself or be in pain as I get older".

This isn't actually bad advice. We have an entire generation worth of idiot cross fit people being trained in fly by night crossfit boxes that are going to make chiropractors filthy rich in 20 odd years.

I traveled less because it was winter, cold, and I "should really focus on work".

The only times to not travel usually revolve around holidays and the broader travel season. In my experience the best time to travel is actually at the tail end of Summer- late September, early October. Still reasonably warm, crowds have all shuffled off to work, and school.

You can have your lazy days when you're 60, but you can't have your youth when you're old.

I don't need these cold showers - they're just uncomfortable and unneeded, I can get going without them.

For me it's more that a hot shower is earned. A cold shower is a stimulant. A hot shower is a relaxant. Unless I slept funny and there's a muscle I'm trying to work out, warm showers are what I get for having done something right. Rolling out of bed doesn't really count.

[–]2awalt_cupcake 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Stopping is ok. Never starting again is not; that's quitting.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's all very motivating and stuff, but for someone who has been stuck in the past 20 years at the mindset of always being comfortable making the switch isn't just going from 0 to 1, but rather long process.

[–]Anti-Marxist- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What I want to know is what being comfortable is like from the perspective of a women. She left you because you had gotten comfortable, but was she comfortable? Did she not like being comfortable?

She sure laziness isn't a virtue, but I love my days where I kick back and binge watch Netflix all day. It feels good man. I don't think I can give up r and r for a women

[–]pogo79 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The point with the cold shower and coffe bullshit is op decided that for him coffee is breaking his rules and for him cold showers are to be stuck to. Reguardless of op original rationalization for these rules failing following what one has perscribed to ones self is weak. He is not adhereing to to failure and weakness not new rationalization.

[–]pogo79 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cant seem to leave a comment mods please help

[–]GEN_GOTHMOG -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Good post but can we please stop with the cold shower bullshit? This is a subreddit dedicated to game and self improvement. All this "cold shower" spiritual shite should stay in the blue pill.