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Field Report



submitted by Aussievlad

Just want to tell my story because if i save one guys dignity it will be worth it i will keep it short...

So i just found out tonight my partner of 8 years left me for a guy from her work. Found out from my own 6 year old son.

Relationship was going fine imo i started to make some good money and love life was good.. then all of a sudden its over she tells me and that i had done too many bad things in the past even though we hadn't argued much if at all in the 6 months before.

So she tell me she wants to be alone and moves out so i decided to tell my son that she was moving to be closer to his grandmar. (Dont want him to blame her) .

So my son starts talking about some harry guy from her work an i ask if he had been staying over surprise surprise he had been.. the shameless bitch didn't hardly wait a month. What makes it worse is i have my son for a week at a time so she could have seen this guy while my son was not there....

The thing that i want to stress is that i knew something was off one time i went to her work trust your intuition. She hamsterd fucking hard and made me sound like a bad guy and i was like wtf i am not perfect but im not a bad guy.. i thought it was some feminits power shit she got in her head.

its just really sad for me because i thought at least we could remain friends for my sons sake... now i will have to stop myself from spitting on her when i see her...

I just want you guys to know that this is real shit and i have been on this forum for 6 months and i actually accepted that red pill was real but i was still in denial about my own ex partner... its a hard pill to swallow...

Ps i dont give a fuck about my gramar eyes are too sore from abusing the hamster via text.

[–]blasted_biscuits 945 points946 points  (35 children)

Now is the time to go stoic and display nothing but indifference towards her. You can be burning up inside but to her you are calm and uncaring. Constantly reframe this as a good thing in your mind as much as you can. It will be hard at first but a few months from now you will see that it actually is a good thing. Give yourself time to grieve over the loss of the relationship but don't let it consume you. Don't ever let her see that she hurt you. Focus on your son and don't say anything bad about his mom. These things will all pay dividends down the road, trust in that.

[–]JediStrikerTy 241 points242 points  (16 children)

Absolutely, never underestimate the power of just a couple of months. The awful betrayal and crushing blow WILL fade. Treat yourself to a premium supplement stack and hit the gym extra hard for quicker results.

[–]604GT 122 points123 points  (2 children)

Definitely this. Use this shit as jet fuel in the coming days. Continue with your evolution to become the best possible version of yourself, physically and mentally. Reinvent yourself if you have to. As hard as it is to do, the sooner you stop looking back, the sooner new and more exciting ventures will appear in front of you. The universe has a strange way of attracting amazing things once it knows you're living your life and not giving a fuck. As long as you sit around dwelling and replaying everything over and over in your head, you will see zero new opportunity and I promise nothing will change. The reality is that if you cave at any time and reach out to her for a possible reconciliation, your worth as a male will drop lower and lower and it will accomplish nothing. Grieve now, but get ready to get the fuck back up and raise your stock to a level it's never been. It awaits you and I promise it will be glorious. The end game cherry, down the road she sees you 2.0 and looks over at who she's with now and ends up telling you wow I fucked up. And believe me, It's a sweet fucking cherry.

I'll just leave this here https://youtu.be/cmpRLQZkTb8

[–]Aussievlad[S] 69 points70 points  (8 children)

Been in the gym 6 days a week for a few months now bulking phase for 2 more months the gonna lean out.

[–]jimmyjamm11 47 points48 points  (2 children)

Be a dad. A real dad. That should be your number 1 priority. Chicks, lifting, work should be secondary.

[–]JohnnyDildonics 40 points41 points  (1 child)

Yeah, you still have a chance to teach your son how to avoid disastrous women like mom. It sounds like the little dude is sharp and knows something's up. Don't go teaching him to hate her, that's her poisonous game to play. Instead, show him how to rise above the drama like his dad does.

[–]Lsegundo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Chicks, lifting, work should be secondary

You teach by example. Lifting gives you more options with better women (among other benefits) Having a good paying career gives you a better life in countless ways. These aren't really secondary things.

Women are "side effects" that come from properly taking care of the first two.

[–]Papahoff25 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Great job, I find the best thing to keep your mind from destroying you is to wear it out in the gym. Healthy way to deal with it too

[–]Mike377774774 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Very nice, my man, keep it up! I just want to remind something else you already know, and that is to not take her back in a couple of weeks/months when her fun with that harry chump ends and she wants to go back to you.

[–]waking-life 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Nice work. Just out of interest, any tips? I've been bulking for about three months, gym three days a week and on a meal plan I got from a nutritionist. But keep hearing different ideas of how to do it quicker. Feel like I'm not gaining fast enough. Thanks.

[–]benpoulson 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Just cram protein. Aim for daily intake of between 1.5-3 grams multiplied by your weight in lbs. (Depending on whether you're training or bulking)

[–]waking-life 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks bro. Definitely already doing that, will keep it up.

[–][deleted] 29 points30 points  (1 child)

In a couple years he may be lighting candles in her name. Not for her, but for the deeply valuable lesson that gave him freedom.

I am grateful to all the bitches who fucked me over.

Never again will it be possible and oh wow did they launch me onto a fast ride

[–]fanthor 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Absolutely, never underestimate the power of just a couple of months.

yes, "This too shall pass".

I have went from feeling deepshit from being betrayed into average into happy just by believing that It wont hurt so much anymore in a few months.

[–]theONE843663 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Premium supplement stack? You mean Vitamin S right? You don't need none of that shit man here's how to REALLY get jacked:

  • Eat CLEN!
  • TREN Hard!
  • ANAVAR Give up!

[–]A_Bridgeburner 50 points51 points  (2 children)

Had to scroll too far to see actual advice. OP this is how to best proceed and move through this.

And remember: "hate is like drinking poison and expecting them to die from it."

[–]iiaGrer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I prefer: "Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." No good comes from holding onto ill will for others.

[–]textualintercourse 43 points44 points  (4 children)

Fuck some Tinderellas.

Best revenge is a life lived and enjoyed.

[–]Corruptdead 36 points37 points  (3 children)

I'd say self improvement before trying to fuck the pain away, I really didn't like hookups after my breakups but the gym made everything 10x better.

[–]textualintercourse 26 points27 points  (2 children)

You know you better than anyone. So by all means, do you.

[–]Corruptdead 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Exactly, my first instinct was to go out and get tail, it just turned out doing more harm than good.

[–]textualintercourse 19 points20 points  (0 children)

My results differed drastically from yours. But live your code.

[–]Corruptdead 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Women are like a fire that feeds on emotion; cut the fuel and the flame dies. From the most straight cut girl next door to the super crazy/ feminist chicks they'll all fall in your frame if you keep it strong.

[–]Spoopsnloops 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Focus on your son and don't say anything bad about his mom.

Agreed times ten on that one. Especially if the mother will bad mouth the father to the son. When the son grows up, and in the father presented himself as a calm respectful father figure, he'll know the truth and will likely look at the mother differently when he remembers all the bad shit she said about the father.

[–]RickenAxer 3 points4 points  (0 children)

While you're right that the truth will come out in the end, I respectfully disagree.

Your recommended course was the dynamic in my family. I believed all the BS that my mother fed me and I had a terrible relationship with my father and step-mother, for two decades.

Over that time, I slowly uncovered the truth about their divorce and my mother had been entirely and horribly in the wrong. My father was deserving of great respect, but he and I had lost valuable decades. My step-mother, who my mother always framed extremely negatively, was actually a very nice person under the circumstances and also deserving of great respect. Unfortunately, by the time I discovered that, she had died and I never got to express gratitude and appreciation to her.

Kids need and deserve the truth, shared without anger in an age-appropriate way.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

perfect. it's too easy to forget that being angry is still a reaction. the best revenge is a life well lived

[–]TryDoingSomethingNew 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is some really good advice, and very realistic. It's not easy and probably hurts like hell right now, but the last thing I'd want to do is give a woman the satisfaction of thinking she can affect my life & future.

Because, ultimately, she can't really.

[–]LOST_TALE 1 point2 points  (0 children)

a good thing in your mind

adding to this: You lost the experience of an illusion...

oh and also a bad relationship (the real one, not the one between you and your illusion)

[–]mfshit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is actually sound advice. Don't seek revenge. Live for yourself.

[–]aanarchist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

gotta use that pain to your advantage while it's still fresh to get that momentum from scratch.

[–]DeathToTheZog 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What you said hit me so hard.I learned this tactic through so much fucking brutal trial and error.

She gets a peak at how he feels, she will dig that knife in further.

I get red hot in the face when i am at meltdown mode, learning to regulate how i get triggered was hard.

You have great wisdom here, i hope op takes note. It will save him his dignity. Might even get her to regret her decision.

[–]1skittles_man 197 points198 points  (15 children)

Chin up, my man.

Look at it this way: You're now free to pursue other women, pursue your hobbies and interests, save money to do cool shit with your son. I can tell you right now, it will not workout with this other dude. It never does. That being said, when she comes crawling back, you DO NOT take her back. She's going to throw some heavy emotional shit your way with your son and she'll try and convince you/shame you into getting back together for the sake of your family. You do not fold, you do not waver. You set an example for your son on what it is to be a man. She's made her grave, now she shall lie in it.

You'll look back on this and realize that this was a divine gift.

[–]Slut_Slayer9000 37 points38 points  (1 child)

100% its all sunshine and rainbows right now but the honeymoon phase will end, the guy will realize he doesn't want this dusty ole broad who cheated on her husband and has a kid that isn't his, he'll slowly pull away and probably ghost her or break up with her and then she will come crawling back like a little bitch after her reality is shattered. Or he could beta up and marry her, who the fuck really knows. Either way OP move on with your life, be the best dad to your son, and focus on you, don't give anymore of your time or energy to this whore.

[–]Counterkulture 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Now he's the guy who gets to deal with her emotional shit, listen to her every day gripes. It's not just a fuck-fest anymore. OP isn't in the mix anymore, listening to her complaints about her job, about her family, about everything... So the new guy (probably with little input) just evolved from the guy who meets up and pulls his pants down and gets his dick wet, to the guy who has to actually be present emotionally and absorb shit and not just get his dick wet.

Both sexes, when they choose to play this role, aren't necessarily hyped about that 'evolution' when it happens and they're in that position suddenly... which is why it usually blows up in short order... just like this will.

[–]Aussievlad[S] 56 points57 points  (9 children)

I would not take her back man yer i was already looking forward finding out the truth is just what i needed i think..

[–]Treasure_hand 97 points98 points  (3 children)

Invest Into your son, one more man you might be able to save.

[–]Corruptdead 31 points32 points  (2 children)

OP has it right not trying to drag the son into the shitstorm. Keep it up and don't let her brainwash him, also don't try to buy his love like some divorced parents, kids want 1 on 1 time with dad more than anything else.

I'll add a list of things I've seen divorced dads do wrong: •Try to brainwash the kid/s •Try to buy their love •Try to force girlfriend (new mom) on them •Flake out/miss events •Drop the kid altogether

[–]SJHammer points points [recovered]

Kids don't remember gifts, they remember the time you spent with them.

[–]Corruptdead 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I remember the first time I saw my dad after the divorce, we had to have a councillor with us taking notes and basically grading him on his dad skills, we built some lego and nothing about the divorce came up. After that it became akin to election season with both sides slandering each other and making promises they couldn't keep. I'm probably still repairing the mental damage they caused with their fights.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I wanted to reply specifically to one of your replies so I'd be sure you read this. Get a paternity test.

[–]fack_yo_couch 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I hope you maintain this resolve when Harry dumps her Affairs don't work out the vast majority of the time, and I'd bet money that she will come crawling back when she learns that her affair is no different.

[–]newmeforever 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Chiming in to say cheers, brother.

Please remember what you said about never take her back.

[–]PostWorkSociety points points [recovered]

If she does come back can you have make up, no commitment sex. I mean if it's what you want? Why not?

[–]notevenneo 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Not worth it. Sex is cheap and fleeting, best to give her nothing and show only stoic apathy.

[–]fruguy 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I can tell you right now, it will not workout with this other dude. It never does.

My 6-year LTR is still with the guy she swung to. Coming up to three years now.

[–]JefferyDahmmer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She didn't break him down yet...didn't pussify him enough, she still sees something in him. That'll come to an end.

[–][deleted] 301 points302 points  (46 children)

There was signs, you missed them.

Or, maybe you'll never know.

Either way, funny how guys have to actually get fucked over before they start listening to what thousands of guys keep telling them. We are a stupid, ego invested creature.

[–]spurdsy points points [recovered]

I started reading TRP before my girlfriend cheated on me. It was always a case of "I get where these guys are coming from, but this girl is different, I swear it". They're not wrong when they say love is blind.

[–]1jb_trp 46 points47 points  (11 children)

Man, I thought I had a "this girl is different" girl as well. We'd go to church every Sunday, read our Bibles and prayed together, she came from a good family...

When she branch swung it was the most painful season of my life. It was like everything we shared meant nothing. Fuck.

It's okay, dodged a bullet and found TRP.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (4 children)

Yeah dude, it's definitely a cruel awakening. But it's worth it. I honestly have no clue where I'd be without TRP. We should all be so lucky.

[–]newmeforever 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I'm thankful.

I'm still digesting the pill though. Swallowed it 3 years ago.

[–]Trey_Mays123 points points [recovered]

Being one of the younger ones involved in this community, I personally do not know where I would be today if not for TRP. I went from a 1.9 GPA to a 2.6 this year as well as going from a 210-pound freshman in high school as well as being addicted to video games with absolutely no social life what so ever, to a 165-pound sophmore on the swim and wrestling team. Honestly the route I was on before TRP scares me looking back on it.

[–]newmeforever 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nice work, man!

Keep it up!

[–]rossiFan 11 points12 points  (3 children)

It was like everything we shared meant nothing

Because it didn't - to her.

[–]Ripred019 16 points17 points  (1 child)

I'm not sure that's strictly true. I think what a lot of people here don't realize is that everything meant the world to her until she rewrote history and it didn't. Women aren't stone cold and calculating most of the time. They're highly emotional and are driven by that emotional energy. When their emotions flip because a better option showed up, the hamster does a lot of work to rewrite everything until it means nothing.

[–]segagaga 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Exactly, she'll tell herself it was fate and its true love and whatever else bullshit she can muster to discard another human in a callous manner.

[–]Nalgasakbar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Women are ever present. One day they love you. The next they hate you.

They can't think past getting a high value male tied down for resources, and figuring out how to keep those resources (see divorce rape, remarry, divorce rape, child support, etc)

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Almost exactly my story too.

Now I am living for my mission not other women. I still believe in God and think he has a plan for me, and doesn't want me to forsake it for some pussy

[–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet 63 points64 points  (3 children)

Pain is the only way to seal in a lesson.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Clearly. Would have rather, instead of the feelgood speech, he had provided an after action report, or lessons learned.

Glad he's gotten value from TRP, only with TRP could do the same with him

[–]joseph177 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pain is just weakness leaving the body.

  • Tom Sobal

[–]wendysNO1wcheese 15 points16 points  (2 children)

There are always signs. Something similar happened to a friend of mine recently. Two kids, married 6-7 years, worked out of town a lot but made 6 figures.

Even before they were engaged I noticed a lot of red flags with the cunt. Just moved to the area from another state. Never really gave a reason why. No friends. She was a 8/10 so my buddy was blinded.

Red flags still popped up all the time. I even addressed it with him. He assured me nothing was wrong.

They are now in the process of getting a divorce. She was fucking at least one other guy.

[–]rossiFan 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Of course, there's always the 20% rule. That means no less than 5 guys.

[–]jackandjill22 14 points15 points  (1 child)

I love being an INTJ. Don't have to make mistakes to listen to what others are telling them.

No, you can never remain friends. Once women turn on you, that's it. She doesn't care about your feelings, she changed & you're no longer apart of her agenda. She's going to do as much damage control as possible at your expense.

Lawyer up.

[–]Gr0o0vy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

god bless the INTJ doorslams; same here - grew eyes on my back, never fully trust anyone but it makes life easier, much easier.

[–]ITS_JUST_2015_BRO 9 points10 points  (3 children)

Real change only comes from Desperation or Inspiration

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (2 children)

I'd say anger, but basically.

[–]biographie 3 points4 points  (1 child)

but anger is a social construct ;)

[–]Senior Endorsed Contributormax_peenor 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I identify as Inspired but Anger Curious.

[–]Whoneedspacee 3 points4 points  (3 children)

Maybe someone's told you, but it goes over your head due to trust issues most of the time, and not knowing if they're telling the truth. You need to experience something yourself most of the time to have the confidence to back out in an awkward situation with no immediate danger; and need experience to be able to see the warning signs more clearly and form a pattern.

[–]KnowBrainer 31 points32 points  (11 children)

Chad never gets blindsided. Just be Chad.

[–]1empatheticapathetic 38 points39 points  (1 child)

As stone just said Chad is a concept. The same Chad could have three lays in a week followed by 5 years of crippling depression before he offs himself. The guys he cucks in that one week only ever knew of him as Chad and assume he's still out there doing his thing.

[–][deleted] 38 points39 points  (8 children)

Chad isnt superman, its a conceot

[–]sigma272 25 points26 points  (0 children)

We are all Chad on this blessed day

[–]KnowBrainer 8 points9 points  (6 children)

I obviously won't be able to speak in simple enough terms for you to understand, but I'll try.

Chad = imaginary

Chad is all the alpha traits

Chad doesn't put himself in positions to get his life up-ended (alphas control their own life)

If he did lose his plate, he wouldn't break frame and cry about it on Reddit.

"Be Chad" means stop being a pussy. Man up. Handle shit. Be watchful of hyenas trying to peel away members of your pride, and don't hesitate to bite down with bone crushing strength. OP is soft and deserves a dose of loneliness.

[–]diomedes777 5 points6 points  (1 child)

The concept of Chad never fails to make me laugh. I love it so much. "Chad". Fucking beautiful. We all have an image of Chad in our minds but none of us can explain him or put him into physical words. It's actually as if he is God. I fucking love it

[–]KnowBrainer -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Interesting point, because when I reference Chad, I basically just talk about myself under this common pseudonym.

The compliment is much appreciated, but I require no worship.

[–]netuoso points points [recovered]

I haven't yet. Makes me never want to ever get married tho lol

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That shouldn't be the reason. If you have options, and are her best option, this stuff is mitigated well, and if it happens you move on without too much problem.

the reasons for marriage being bad are more logistical and financial. Because if it wasn't her being hypergamous because of marriage, she would shit on your heart in other ways, can't avoid those unless you become a monk

[–]Merwebb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Shit will never happen to you until it happens to you

[–]Roaring40sUK 63 points64 points  (5 children)

hamsterd fucking hard and made me sound like a bad guy

She was laying the ground work in her mind for a branch swing.. same thing happened to me..

[–]Corruptdead 14 points15 points  (1 child)

My favourite was when she kept telling me I was too clingy, while she was the aggressively clingy one.

[–]Roaring40sUK 1 point2 points  (0 children)

People (especially women) project onto others a fuck load..

[–]Dragon_Garoo 7 points8 points  (1 child)

They all do it. Find something mildly wrong, then twist it into the worst thing ever. My ex literally told 100% lies about me and our relationship to people. Some of which still don't want to hear my side of it (white knights) and think I'm a shit heel. Fucking BP all the way. They set up a story in their heads and then carry on from there. It's unavoidable. Once they made the decision, it's over. Watch for the behaviour, maybe you can get out first. It's all you can do.

[–]Roaring40sUK 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was BP as fuck at one point and her gaslighting almost did me in. I know better now..

[–][deleted] 53 points54 points  (8 children)

A key message for guys to learn here is: trust your gut. If you think something is wrong then there is a 99% chance there is. The more stongly she accuses you of being "controlling" or "ridiculous", the more likely it is she that she is already cheating.

[–]dRePe_Thill 14 points15 points  (0 children)

good advice, in psychology terms this is called projecting.

[–]Bear-With-Bit 8 points9 points  (1 child)

When there is doubt, there is no doubt.

[–]Dragon_Garoo 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Always my advice to children and women asking dumb assed questions. "If you are asking the question, then you doubt, so you already know your answer."

[–]Roaring40sUK 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Yes, and its also a sign that in her mind, she is already single. In other words, she cant stand any control over her by the man, because at that point its not his place.

[–]juliusstreicher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Am I particularly dull, or, is this the first time that somebody has codified this? Irrespective, it's marvelous.

[–]Dragon_Garoo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Absolutely. My former roommate/fwb came over and complained to me about her boyfriend being controlling for like, 3 hours. Thought for sure I was gonna get some. Turns out she had likely already been cheating on her, with my ex. My ex and her prostitute mother moved her out the next day, into my ex's place. Hamsters love company. I felt like shit tried to tell buddy about what I suspected, he just never wanted to hear and and continued to see her despite the fact she was now advertising on "seeking arrangments" (prostitution site) and riding the CC for $$.

[–]kiekrzanin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, ALWAYS trust your gut. The subtle details that hint you something is not right.

[–]BusterVadge 76 points77 points  (9 children)

Women ALWAYS line up another relationship before ending one. AWALT. Sorry you had to learn the lesson the hard way.

[–]G28U0W0 points points [recovered]

What is is with monkey branching women? Complete and utter weakness is what it is.

[–]shockred 30 points31 points  (0 children)

They all do it. The same thing happened to me, and at first I blamed it on my ex being an unempathetic POS. She really was.

Eventually I started texting another girl, who I knew was a very empathetic person (or at least I saw her that way). She was in a relationship which she wasn't happy with... So she tried to branch swing to me. I really felt like she wanted me to fuck up her relationship so she'd get out "guilt free".

It disgusted me so much I nexted her. Awalt

[–]Corruptdead 22 points23 points  (0 children)

One of RSD's main "self improvement" points is being able to live with yourself. Women can't be alone with themselves and constantly need a distraction. If you can be alone in your head and still be happy with yourself you've got a big part of life figured.

[–]NabroleonBonaparte 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Nah man. From a male perspective it's terrible but that's because we're on the losing end.

If you were buying a car and was on your way to sign the papers but then another salesman offers you a better deal, you're going to drop the first deal for the better one because it's to your advantage.

A relationship is a female-favored agreement. You stay loyal and provide resources. So when another man comes into the picture with a better offer and she branch swings, she's making the best move from an evolutionary perspective.

I hate it just as much as the next guy, but nature doesn't give a fuck about the individual; it only cares for the species

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Most women never get used to independence.

They aren't prepped to be their own person as childrenb. Daughters often get more gifts than sons, and once they hit their teens they are the passive receivers of courtship money, once they are in a relationship they usually paying half the bills they pay their portion of their income as a per portion of the relationship income.

Then these women are now faced with doing it all alone. Nobody to plan their entertainment, decide where to eat, pay their bills, and they need to find a man because they can't be alone, they don't know how.

[–]Merwebb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are judging them as men. They do it because awalt.

[–]Shakydrummer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Happened with an old LTR of mine. It's as you say - weakness, self esteem issues/need of constant reassurance and emotional dependance. She centered her life around the relationship, my friends were her friends, etc. It was no surprise that she immediately jumped on the first thing available within a month because she, like a lot of women, don't know how to be in their head.

[–]FredWeedMax 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yep exact same happened to my sis which is 7 years older than me (shes 33) She married in April last year after 7 years being with that poor dude, wanted divorce in September, officially got with another dude in October but you can be 100% sure she was flirting with him way before, he was her pool-gym or whatever trainer

At least the dude was stone cold, i thought he was redpill but then he offered to rebuy her part of the credit for the house and tried to help her getting into her new appartment

[–]pcsubliminal 34 points35 points  (7 children)

I went through a similar experience not too long ago. If I could go back in time to when I first found out, I'd do a couple of things differently. What it comes down to is I'd basically just "move on" and not give her the pleasure of seeing this upset me, which then justifies her actions in the first place. Simply ghost her and focus on improving yourself.

[–]mr_perfect1 points points [recovered]

I agre, it makes you look weak. I found out my baby momma was with some guy one day while I was at work. I thought she was the loyal type (LOL) I freaked the fuck out and threw her out of the house. Its pathetic when you give a woman an emotional reaction. It shows them you care. The best thing to do is be non chalant and ghost her

[–]bigk12345 13 points14 points  (1 child)

I learned this the hard way.

Women throw temper tantrums and get you to show off vulnerability , get you to overreact and to justify their cheating. Hook, line, sinker. That is why dread, hard next and soft next work. You let her doubt her own rationalizations.

A. They see you as a loser B. She knows you still care and she is leaving on her terms. Her hamster has been proven right!

My ex cried while I remained stoic during break up.I was bluepill to the core, didn't want to seek controlling so I didn't question anything , including her projecting how I am "cheating". She cheated on me with at least 1 guy and was distant for the last period of time together. Like others said, there were definitely signs beforehand.

She cried and cried and accused me of not caring. My dumbass decided to show how I am still a good person and said that I cried earlier. I'll never forget the look she gave me after. She immediately stopped crying, wiped off her tears off her face , had a slight grin and said "You knew this was over." The bitch got her closure.

[–]guifawkes 9 points10 points  (2 children)

How do you not freak out then? I'm not a naturally stoic person. In fact my mannerisms are often times very animated especially if I'm telling a story or something like that. As soon as I saw my ex had tinder downloaded on her phone I was so upset I was shaking/shivering. Very embarrassing. I tried to go to the other room, breath and calm myself but wasn't able to fully calm myself.

[–]Papahoff25 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Good question, I'm similar to you. The best answer for me is a nice run to calm me. Just control the initial outburst then figure out what relieves you of your stress and go do that. Then handle the situation. Although you may have lost it in your head, you look stoic when handling it this way. That's all that matters, to her you were stoic. Also, friends, you can be emotional around your brothers they get it, they empathize with it and they'll get you back on course if you got good ones.

[–]Physio_Tool 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This comment needs to be at the top

[–]Thebeatzmaker points points [recovered]

Thank you for letting your fellow brothers know.

AWALT. Even when she has a kid.

[–]sigma272 27 points28 points  (3 children)

Brah, especially if she has a kid. All Women Are Like That, but Single Moms Are Especially Like That.

[–]Nalgasakbar 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Single moms are the plague. They already have financial resources secured by one male (child support, state support). Their vaginas are asking for more.

[–]Landry86 37 points38 points  (2 children)

This was hard to read. She sounds horrible. I'm sorry.

[–]1empatheticapathetic 11 points12 points  (1 child)

As skittles man just said, he is now free. The truth of reality is freedom. No one ever said it was comforting.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 29 points30 points  (9 children)

then all of a sudden its over she tells me and that i had done too many bad things in the past

This is to blame you for her finding someone else.

So she tell me she wants to be alone

Alone with someone else.

She hamsterd fucking hard and made me sound like a bad guy and i was like wtf i am not perfect but im not a bad guy.. i thought it was some feminits power shit she got in her head.

Women universally blameshift.

i actually accepted that red pill was real but i was still in denial about my own ex partner..

Until you believe AWALT you have not accepted the red pill. No exceptions.

[–]mfshit 0 points1 point  (4 children)

you're saying this before even knowing what he's done in the past.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 2 points3 points  (3 children)

you're saying this before even knowing what he's done in the past

Things were fine until she met another guy.

She's branch swinging and making it look like OP's fault.

[–]mfshit -1 points0 points  (2 children)

Maybe they weren't fine for her. Maybe he cheated in the past. Maybe she thought he was ugly.

Who knows.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What's for sure though, is that she:

  • Has moved on with someone else
  • Is trying to blame him

And what you are trying to do is:

  • Blame him
  • Exonerate her

[–]1empatheticapathetic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She thought he was ugly? Why was she with him for so long in the first place?

Maybe he cheated in the past? If that was the truth we assume OP would have mentioned it.

Any other extenuating circumstances?

[–]MrArchibaldMeatpants -1 points0 points  (3 children)

sorry if I am late to the party, but please explain what AWALT and HAMSTER mean?

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 2 points3 points  (1 child)

read the sidebar.

awalt = all women are like that

hamster = female justification system. like a hamster spinning in its wheel, she seeks to exonerate herself (and blame you) for everything she does wrong in life.

[–]segagaga -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Better to describe it like a hamster running too fast in the wheel, can't handle it, its out of control, so does back flips to adjust to the speed.

A woman hamstering is doing mental backflips.

[–]attack_goat points points [recovered]

I wouldn't have posted a comment on this, except for your last line: "... eyes are too sore from abusing the hamster via text."

No. Stop now. If you can't talk to your ex without abusing her then don't talk to her. And if you can't text your ex without abusing her then don't text - texts can be saved and used against you.

Your relationship didn't work out; this is not the end of the world. You invested a lot in her and have a right to feel angry. But no matter what, you are going to raising a kid in partnership with her until he is 18 or whenever, so you have to be civil to each other. Get a grip on your anger ASAP or you will say something that will come back to haunt you, and could very well damage your relationship with your son.

Take the high road, to whatever extent you can at this point.

Good luck with this new chapter in your life.

[–]SovereignSoul76 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I second this advise (also noted elsewhere).

Not giving a fuck & radio silence trumps: nasty revenge, "beating" her in a debate of logic (real hard there), talking shit, "showing how much you care(d) about the relationship" aka screaming like a maniac, etc. It feels like you should be doing something...anything! But the wise and patient man knows better. He is comfortable in stillness: physical, spiritual and emotional stillness.

You ain't gonna change her. Not your job to, neither. This should be a relief to you. His fucking problem now...

[–]princeali97 points points [recovered]

A friend of mine told me that my LTR of a year and a half was hanging out with other dudes.

I knew something was up as a month ago wed be having sex almost daily and we had pretty much stopped a couple weeks ago. She was acting very sexually distant but wanted me to take her out more.

Yesterday she said she was working and hanging out with a female friend. A friend of mine lives near her and said a dude went inside her house and then he took a pic of them leaving.

I texted her and told her we were done and Id be getting my stuff from her house the next day.

Reading this helped me know Im not alone and we all get our shit fucked up by women. Thank you.

[–]IvankasBabyDaddy 11 points12 points  (7 children)

Idk if this is overly cynical, but in my experience and what I've read on here, "hanging out with a female friend" seems like a red flag that turns out to be very telling after the fact.

[–]princeali97 6 points7 points  (5 children)

Well her friend had just gotten back from basic so no real red flags. And I was glad she was hanging out with her friends (she doesnt have many)

[–]IvankasBabyDaddy 6 points7 points  (4 children)

I'm confused, she hung out with her female friend and then invited over Chad? Or was that just a cover story to hang out with Chad?

[–]princeali97 points points [recovered]

She was with her friend then "Chad". Chad in quotes cuz he brought her food and was there for 10-15 minutes total (enough time to fuck but itd be a quick nut)

[–]IvankasBabyDaddy 4 points5 points  (1 child)

So if Chad was just there "for food" why was that the breaking point for you?

I can't tell if you're still hamstering or there's some detail being omitted.

[–]SanjayMethylPump 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Female friend is Chad Musclepenis. His name is probably changed to a female name on her phone in case OP gets suspicious. So that way the story checks out.

[–]SanjayMethylPump 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Lol, ask yourself why she had to clarify "female" friend. It's telling.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I think I would've gotten my stuff before I let her know that I knew

[–]akaNeon1 101 points102 points  (36 children)

I honestly wouldn't know what I would do if I caught my partner/wife/girlfriend of 8 years, that I have a child with, cheating IN MY HOUSE.

I'm not a violent person, but I don't know if I could keep myself from fucking killing both those motherfuckers.

So props to you for not becoming a murderer. Stay strong man.

[–]Mudpielol 52 points53 points  (7 children)

Divorce the bitch. Reduce contact to minimum. Killing them only puts you in jail. And you need to be there for your kid. Assuming it's your kid to begin with.

[–][deleted] 37 points38 points  (4 children)

This is why you don't get married. She fucks someone else, you divorce her, and she takes half your shit. She can't lose.

[–]Mudpielol 16 points17 points  (3 children)

Divorce where I live (Eastern Europe) is handled differently for now. Everything you have aquired before the marriage is yours.

[–]OrpheusV 10 points11 points  (0 children)

In most of the US, that's pretty much how it's supposed to be handled as well. Anything you bring into a marriage is yours and does not go to the other party if a divorce occurs.

Granted there's some bullshit judges who'll forget that fact because "fuck you that's why", but that's slowly starting to change

[–]thebluepool 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Which is bs anyways. Why should she have any right to the money I earned? Women can hold jobs now, they don't need money from the courts to sustain themselves anymore. So why are these laws still written for a time when they did.

[–]Mudpielol 0 points1 point  (0 children)

From my POV, as long as she contributes financially to whatever we buy when I'm married I have nothing against getting her money or whatever back.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Wow. Good point. OP, get a paternity test.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good point man, life is fucking cruel

[–]DextroShade 5 points6 points  (2 children)

I don't know about killing, although I understand the urge, but I think a good ass whooping is in order.

[–]1Jaereth 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah, he should go to jail for that guy who was fucking his wife! That'll show em!

I think the people who come here suggesting ass kickings have never been in real fights. Worst beating i've ever gotten in my life I was ok in about a week. I would take that any day over going to jail for assault with a custody battle / divorce on the horizon.

[–]SanjayMethylPump 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You are fucking stupid as hell, brudda. OP should never ever let his emotions get the best of him. If he goes to jail, any credibility he has with his son is gone for life.

[–]Ganaria_Gente 1 point2 points  (0 children)

See it this way. Would you rather spend life in jail and your son being fatherless?

[–]iamanenemy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you feel that way you're way too blue to be here.

[–]1Jaereth 17 points18 points  (3 children)

so i decided to tell my son that she was moving to be closer to his grandmar. (Dont want him to blame her) .

Don't do this.

My mom and dad split up before I could even remember. My whole life, living with my mom, visiting my dad every other weekend. My dad paid the support too.

When I was little, my mom would constantly tell me stories about what a loser my dad was. All this fucking shit. My mom was also a notorious alcoholic in our town and did a pretty shitty job raising me. Not the worst, not abusive or anything, but not good either. (Once I grew up and realized what "good" was)

During this time, my dad never had a foul word to say about my mom. My stepmom sure did, but my dad didn't. This always made me believe my mom's bullshit. This made me feel my dad was ashamed or something.

And of course my mom gave me the lines of bullshit like "We decided we didn't want to be together anymore" and shit like that.

Fast forward thirty years. I've come to acquire the knowledge of what happened there. I'm pretty sure my mom was getting "involved" with at least two other guys in that time frame. I know my dad beat the piss out of one at a bar once. The second, well, it was someone from his neighborhood and I think at that point he just gave up on turning a ho into a housewife and cut his losses.

I really wish, all those years, my dad would have just been honest with me with what happened. Me and my dad have a o.k. relationship but it's not great. Now that's partly his fault for not making me a priority in his life, but I always look back to those feelings of shock that I had.

After all my childhood of my mom talking shit about my dad, and my dad being altogether stoic about it, I felt so much shock when I actually found out SHE was the problem in that relationship. SHE was the one that treated HIM with zero dignity or respect. And at that point, who wouldn't tell him to get rid of her. After her he remarried, had two more kids, and still lives happily with his second wife.

I just wish I had been told the truth and not have it sugar coated as to what's going on. If a kid's parent is a miserable person well they will get through it. In my opinion, the wife/mother in these situations doesn't deserve to have their kids hold them in high esteem anymore because they broke up a fucking family for Christ's sake.

Just my opinion, but it's something i've done some deep reflection on in my life and all things considered, I probably would have went to live with my dad when I was a kid had I known what type of person they both really were instead of the "let's keep it civil in front of the kid" bullshit narrative I got (Which my mom forgot to adhere too anyway, imagine that)

[–]Roaring40sUK 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Don't do this.

Agreed. Since my ex detonated our family, I have explained to my kids (without badmouthing her) that it was their mums decision and that i wanted to keep the family together.

Otherwise the danger is, the kids will come to see you as the bad one.

I have told my ex that she has to own that responsibility. Fat chance, but I am not going to be the fall guy..

[–]benzguy1972 1 point2 points  (1 child)

My son was old enough to know what's up when the ex-wife bailed on the both of us. He'll be 16 this September. I didn't have to bad-mouth about her to him. Her actions spoke for themselves. I got full custody in the divorce and we both haven't seen or heard from her in 6 years.

He knows why his mom left...because she thought she had a better deal lined up. Hypergamy is a cold, heartless bitch but we are better off now. There's no doubt if she was the one with custody, she'd be filling his head with nonsense. And I'd have to jump through so many hoops to provide for the both of them, funding her jackass lifestyle. This way is so much better. I know where my money is going and I'm raising a kid to be vigilant of all the sharks out there.

[–]Roaring40sUK 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I got full custody in the divorce

Well I applaud you for stepping up and it sounds like you are doing a great job. You have won. You have your son with you and he will respect you for how you have handled things.

[–]Flash-Lightning 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Welcome home. You have to be burned before you can heal. Best advice going forward is to lift. Don't drink, look to sports leagues and healthy eating and living. Once your brain has readjusted to a normal state and you start looking at YOUR happiness, you'll see how fucked up you've lived. Myself I was 5 years in a relationship and 2 years with her cheating and never saw it coming. Now I lift and I live how I want to. Still have a long path to travel on but I am seriously much happier.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (3 children)

The worst part is how your son's life is affected...make sure she doesn't spread lies about you. Be a good role model....make him have a happy childhood. My mother spread lies about my father when I was younger. There was a time I didn't even spoke to him, until I started asking questions

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

This. Another victim of single motherhood. Op will recover. The kid will stuck with her

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

True. Well, even if the son turns out bad with the father it does not matter. Atleast you did what you had to do, and it's his time to learn how to be a man by himself.

[–]SanjayMethylPump 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Chances are she will. But OP must not give in to the temptation to hit back. That's what one parent's shit talking is designed to do; to draw the other parent in and make them look bad. Already at a disadvantage if the child is living with the mother.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (5 children)

She hamsterd fucking hard and made me sound like a bad guy and i was like wtf i am not perfect but im not a bad guy.

I have experienced this first hand. They tend to do that right before they cheat on you. A woman will convince herself and probably her close friend that you are a horrible person and she is not doing anything wrong by choosing to pursue her happiness (in the form of a new cock).

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes, that's her RAS. She'll just focus on everything negative and block out all the positive things about you. She does this because in her mind she already decided she'll branch swing and go with this other guy and now she needs to rationalize her decision not to feel guilty about it. All you need to know is that it's impossible to switch her RAS around once it's in momentum.

[–]SanjayMethylPump 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Exactly true my friend. Rationalization at work.

[–]ultrasuperthrowaway -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You must be experienced in this because nobody wants your primitive ethnic genes, Sanjie

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Only girl I dated (i'm a incel) turned a text of haha around to why are we laughing then she said I don't like you and would lie about dating someone else, said it was her Uncle, few months later found out it was a guy 30 years older than her who had his own roofing business...So yes i've experienced this out of the blue you're a bad guy for no real reason and its used to hamster reasoning in their heads they are making the right choice and can be guilt free...jesus

[–]meninistMD 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I have a women, a roommate, who moved in a room I am renting about two days ago, she broke up with her boyfriend who she was living with 5 years, just a week ago, second day here and a friend visit her. women are no angels.

[–]MisterRoid 34 points35 points  (4 children)

The next step is to make sure that your son is actually yours. Don't take it for granted and risk paying for another man's child like a real beta loser.

[–]Aussievlad[S] 22 points23 points  (3 children)

Well he's my son either way dude.. it wouldn't make a difference to me at this point.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You are idiot, do DNA tests to be sure, it can make a world of difference, if you know that this is your son or not.

[–]juliusstreicher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Whoaaa! WROOOOOOONG answer!

1.What happens when REAL dad shows up, with your whore ex?

  1. Reverse the thing: How would you feel if you had a biological son, and some other guy said that son was "his son"?

[–]nicetimeisback points points [recovered]

sorry about your story.

nothing sad on an ltr to end up like this (it just happen, it's natural), but when there are sons in the game it's bad, because they (children) are the one that pay for it.

wish you the best

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Well the good news is you are in the right place. Lots of guys on TRP have similar stories. Now you have the resources to guide you through the shitty process (maintaining frame, listening to her actions not her words, dusting yourself off to go get some strange if you haven't already). You'll have to try and focus on logic for a while as your ex will be pulling your strings to get an emotional reaction as the first step toward her manipulation du juor. It's a shit process and she will go out her way to maximize the shittiness you will experience. Over time you'll reach a balance and it'll all be fine. I know lots of divorced dudes who love their children and are amicable with their exes (now, they weren't at first of course). Thanks for sharing.

[–]Eydtkuhnen points points [recovered]

I am really sorry for you.

Don't understand how mean-spirited, terrible a person can be (men and women), when there is a child involved. I would never ever do that in front of my child. It's so egotistical.

[–]segagaga 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same here. My personal belief has always been that divorce without kids is fine, but once you have kids thats a lifelong commitment and you have a duty to your family. Fucking around is absolutely unacceptable in that context and that makes her the selfish cunt who broke up a family.

[–]RedDespair 4 points5 points  (2 children)

One question.

Did she frequently shit tested you before the break up?

[–]dRePe_Thill 4 points5 points  (0 children)

She's a women so obviously... awalt even in ltrs

But in this case no... Harry's cock in her mouth stopping her from doing that

[–]Aussievlad[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Her whole life is a shit test

[–]Brennus390 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It's not betrayal when they were never loyal to begin with.

[–]Velebit 4 points5 points  (0 children)

at least you have a son and not a daughter otherwise her disloyal female genes would pass onto the daughter

[–]hc84 7 points8 points  (0 children)

i thought it was some feminits power shit she got in her head.

It seems that modern feminism is about selfishness, and valuing self above all others. It's kinda sad, actually.

[–]Ontop1 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You need to take yourself off her leash. I hope you just found this sudReddit. It definitely sounds like you don't understand the teachings.

It's not cool to abuse anyone. I have definitely lashed out because of betrayal. I felt horrible about being the monster she made. Don't let her pull your puppet strings.

[–]menial_optimist 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It's strange. My friend has been with his woman for 5 years, 2.5 now of that has been in marriage, 5 months now their first child. They seem inseparable. I get the distinct feeling she needs him way more than he needs her. Still, I cannot even fathom her cheating on him but I read stories like this here and it almost seems inevitable.

[–]newName543456 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Two key sidebar takeaways:

  1. She's not yours, it's just your turn.

  2. Briffault's law. And even one step further - not only your past achievements won't count for the future, history will be rewritten, when it doesn't fit her agenda.

[–]ncturne 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Always trust your gut. Always.

[–]kyledontcare 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Drop her and move on, friend; women can't make you happy. You find it yourself. Grow as a person; advance in your work; save money and let me encourage you to seek God, as well. No friend like Jesus.

[–]Xoramung 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I 2nd this. Women will never make you happy should never be your main source of joy. Once i relinquished this, i have been a billion times happier.

[–]SanjayMethylPump 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Haha. How typical of cunts. She was set off by something and met Mr. Musclecock at work and then made sure the branch was sturdy enough (6 months of workplace dating and sex) and then once she realized, she made the jump. Typical, unfortunate, but typical bullshit.

One day your son will learn the truth. Just be there for him and be a good father, and for the love of all that is holy, NEVER try to sway him or involve him in the drama. Just be a good, available and strong father figure for him.

Let me tell you something my brudda. Every, damn, thing on TRP is true when it comes to women. Every, damn thing. If she hasn't shown you it yet, it's because you haven't seen the real her yet.

[–]DatingCoach111 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We've all been through similar experiences. We've all had that one woman, "The Man Maker", who introduced us to the reality of our world. Embrace the pain. Fighting it will only reinforce it. When you come out the other end stronger and more resilient, come back and read these comments to realize how far you've come. The pain you are currently enduring is the best thing that will ever happen to you.

[–]Kommanderdude 15 points16 points  (7 children)

DNA test asap. Your son may very well be the other guys.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (5 children)

Doesn't matter after six years usually

[–]dRePe_Thill 6 points7 points  (3 children)

definitely matters to know

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Maybe, but if your still stuck paying support wouldn't you at least like the illusion that it's yours?

[–]moontripper1246 1 point2 points  (0 children)

reality hurts but at least its reality

[–]segagaga 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Could certainly matter in court.

[–]BRISCO53 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Sorry to hear that brother just pick yourself back up. That's what Alphas do we learn, adapt, and overcome the shit that women put us through.

[–]askmrcia 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I sad for you, but at the same time, realize your story is extremely common and its brought most users here.

I'm saying this because I don't want you thinking of doing something stupid like choke the girl, stalk her or kill the work guy. This shit literally happens all the time. Good thing you're here so you can see similar stories and learn to grow from it. And was never yours, just your turn.

[–]grewapair 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My mom did the same thing. Once the youngest kid is six, they'll be in school for most of the day and your wife doesn't need you any more.

So she tosses the guy out for her Chad. Thanks, sucker!

[–]epubliusrex points points [recovered]

Too many posts to worry if this has been said but, dude, when she stopped arguing with you, that's when she started fucking the other guy.

The thing is, is you either control the relationship from the beginning or you don't ever control it. The child was a mistake if you were fighting. Time to bail is before the child comes along. Now your son gets to see and hear mommy getting banged by other dudes and he's going to grow up fucked. And your money supply is fucked.

Anytime you are in a contentious relationship with a cunt, know that the minute she's being nice, she's up to something. I think it's best for betas to find needy women--they're easy to control.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (3 children)

jesus christ, that's a little heavy handed there.

The kid could turn out to be the next greatest athlete of our time for all you know.

[–]epubliusrex points points [recovered]

Yeah-_while watching one asshole after another cum and go from mommy's bedroom. 80% of prison inmates had single mothers. But, as per your claim, OJ Simpson comes to mind. How'd that work out?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Christ man, who pissed in your cereal this morning?

Lighten up brah.

[–]eccentricrealist 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Be strong for your son. She will try to make him hate you as well.

[–]francie-brady 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Don't simply try to push sadness away...feel it and let it go away naturally. Remember: happy oyster makes no pearl.

[–]HobbesTheBrave 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Know that the cheater isn't going to get kept by the the next guy. Because if she can't stay in one marriage happily, she isn't going to stay in the next one.

[–]juliusstreicher -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Don't give the guy hope of a Karmic ending. Just think of Seinfeld stealing some other guy's wife on her honeymoon.

[–]SlyAM 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Don't show any sign of weakness. This is all I can say to you right now. Stay neutral with her for your kid's sake, but do not try to resolve this and "get her back". She may come rushing back to you in the future, but remember that she cheated and hurt you just to have some excitement in her life, just DON'T TAKE HER BACK no matter what. Be stoic and hold frame when the divorce takes place (that is if you are married), but be prepared to lose a lot. This going to kill you, but in the end, it will make you better. On the bright side, you aren't locked down anymore! You are free to pursue whoever the fuck you want to, and this is actually a chance to improve yourself and your game. Hit the gym hard, work on yourself, and take care of yourself and your kid. Things may look dim now, but you're going to be fine, stay strong and never cease improvement.

[–]bolupua 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Dude something very similar happened to me. She left me for a high school chad that reconnected with her via Facebook. We also have a small kid, she doesn't care.

It was the best thing that happened to me. She is post wall obviously, and I am in the best time of my life.

BTW I didn't care about the breakup, in fact I was happy. She saw this and then had the guts to try and crawl back several times on the following months, then she tried to stalk me (she fell in love with the sudden alphaness I was displaying) obviously I rejected her.

The kid is OK, they are too young to know anything at that age.

[–]Nalgasakbar 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"Sometimes you eat the bear, and sometimes, the bear eats you" - The Dudes Cowboy friend.

I say fuck that bear. You fucking train at the gym. Pick up some hobbies. Monk mode for a while.

Be ready for any bear that comes along.

On that note, listen to Patrice O'Neals show, the Black Phillip show. Many similar stories from callers, that you'll be able to relate to and hear Patrice's wise words.

Fuck that hoe.

[–]blurry_birb 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Sounds like she wasn't interested anymore. People can fall out of love as fast as they can faling in love. Your pain is valid and I hope you and your son would visit more. Although, I think the proper reaction is moving on to someone is superior to her and getting on with life. Reacting maliciously will only make her think of you lower. Abusing her over text can harm her which can harm your child. Just, please, think about the big picture. You got someone who is unfaithful out of your life quick so later on it wouldn't have been worse.

[–]Sensei_Hensei 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Women step out for two reasons.

  1. She is no longer attracted to you.
  2. She is bored.

Women will put all of the blame in one reason.

  1. Him.

Don't let her hamster you into a monster because she decided to move on and needs a scapegoat instead of just owning up to her real feelings.

[–]corneliucodreanu 4 points5 points  (0 children)

hamsterd fucking hard and made me sound like a bad guy

Remember guys: Typical female strategy when confronted about her promiscuity, is to flip and counter attack you for the same thing you might have done in the past, or some other random shit completely orthogonal to the topic.

Maintain frame, ignore her flip, make her stick to topic i.e, defending herself against your accusation with a legit explanation, and pressure the bitch to confess.

[–]ihatefeminazis1 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Believe me I know what you're saying. Had the same happen to me after 6 years of seeing that bitch.. She just slept with one guy a week later.. I'm sure she did before as well.. Either way I did my own little thing to get revenge on her and after that I got over her immediately. She doesn't deserve anything. Stay strong my friend. People like that are garbage

[–]imuser465 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry for you man. AWALT. Best thing you can do is ghost her and let her face her own nightmares. Like a dude said down here:

"I can tell you right now, it will not workout with this other dude. It never does. That being said, when she comes crawling back, you DO NOT take her back."

I'm ghosting a girl that stressed me so much and it's funny how she maintains two different personalities: Online shes is some fucking beyonce that doesn't need no guy and is happy with being single. But she don't stop sending me texts saying how much she misses me. I'm not saying a word to her and i can see that this silence is consuming her. It's like saying: You can have other dudes, you can have you single life, you can have any shit you want. But you can't have my attention. :)

Anyway, i always remember that Rorschach quote: The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!"... and I'll whisper "no."

[–]zoom54321 points points [recovered]

Sorry to hear this. I went through something similar with my wife of 15 years, and like you, I thought everything was going great.

I too felt something was off, and discovered she'd been texting this guy from her gym incessantly. I flipped, told her we were done and she promised to change, saying that it was just texting and a friendship that got a little out of hand. Tried working it out for the next few months but she was sneaky as fuck and my once loyal level headed 35 year old mother of 3 wife started acting out like a spoiled, rebellious, selfish 14 year old. Even treated me as though I was her "overbearing" father figure who was chaining her down because I kept discovering her secret IG accounts, texts, google acct. Map timeline, etc.

This went on for a couple of months and I tried working it out to keep my family together. Played the nice, understanding, and forgiving guy bullshit and everything, essentially, I played the part of a beta cuckold. Nothing changes until I got my confidence back, manned up, and packed my shit up to leave. It was more than show, I mentally flipped a switch (probably because I started reading redpill and the likes)

Essentially, it was mostly an emotional affair with one instance of kissing, but the signs were all there. Were working things out, but the respect I once had for her is gone and things will always be different.

I got the whole, "I need my space", "I feel like you're coming trolling me", I love you but I'm not in love with you", etc. These are masked signs that she's infatuated with someone else, either physically or emotionally. I guarantee you that she was seeing this guy for months before leaving. Girls swing from vine to vine, and they won't let go until they have another vine to latch onto. Be prepared for her to realize this infatuation of hers is nothing but a mirage and she starts coming back to you. After fyi experience, I've taken note of what others have gone through and notice a multitude of similarities. Even down to the exact phrasing, word usage, behavior, and evolution.

Moral here... Always trust your instincts, and learn what you can from your experiences and those of others. Don't take it personal, as girls sometimes just go crazy as fuck and will walk away from a wonderful reality for a slightly better fantasy that never plays out.

[–]Aussievlad[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Dude sorry to say but you are in denial

[–]Senior Endorsed Contributormax_peenor 5 points6 points  (1 child)

"I love you but I'm not in love with you"

Translation: I love your wallet but I don't love you.

That is when you know the ship is lost and you pull the sheets. Right then and there. You will never recover from it.

[–]Roaring40sUK 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, heard that line too.. its so used by women its a fucking cliche. But, yes once you hear those words, its done.

[–]Aussievlad[S] 3 points4 points  (3 children)

You need to see the irony of your post

[–]zoom54321 points points [recovered]

I see the irony..., but with three kids and 15+ years of a life together, Im not going to cut and run like I would if we were dating.

She did a piss poor job at hiding everything, so I'm confident I know the extent of what did and did not happen. Still, im giving myself a hall pass just in case.

[–]SanjayMethylPump 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't know my brudda, if she admits to kissing I wouldn't look at her the same again or give her a chance. She may have given a blowjob or other things, as these things are on s need to know basis and women lie to not get caught especially since it finally reached her dumb ass mind that she is endangering her family.

You do what is best, if I were in the situation I would have gotten a good lawyer and divorced her. Because I guarantee if it doesn't work out with this new cock then it will work out later with another cock. And that's when she will divorce you.

[–]fruguy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You haven't dated in 15 years yeah? Maybe you have forgotten what it's like. When I kiss a girl these days, I end up fucking her, or at least doing more than kissing.

Where were they when this supposed one kiss occurred? Lol. She did more; I would bet on it.

If I was you I would be planning to get out as unscathed as possible.

[–]Blunter-S-Thompson 4 points5 points  (2 children)

One instance of kissing.

Once? Sure.

But glad to hear that you got a wake up call nonetheless.

[–]Roaring40sUK 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This went on for a couple of months and I tried working it out to keep my family together.

Same here.. Your story is my story.. But now my life is good, women are pretty abundant and my plans are moving forward.

[–]yunhaila 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You may feel defeated now, but you are more valuable as you age as a man if you continue to work on yourself. You'll be back on your feet and she'll age horribly in no time.

[–]2pumpTrump 3 points4 points  (0 children)

OP has been on this forum for 6 months and his mind is blown about how his relationship failed...smh

[–]chetov 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Ever thought maybe you didn't argue for 6 months because she stopped caring? You haven't done anything that bad for 6 months boo fucking hoo give the boy a medal he was a decent human being for 6 whole months

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

love is bullshit. women are just cunts.

[–]1Sir_Distic 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Stocism is your friend right now. Be the Rock your son needs. Don't get mad at her, don't show anger or hatred towards her whenever you have your son. Even if you think he's not around. She'll either talk shit about you or forget about you and work on Harry being his "dad".

Either way raise your son to be a Red Pill man. We don't get angry at women. It's her nature to find a better provider. You fucked up because you were not her Alpha, her rock, her leader, the man she needed. Now it was probably over before you found Red Pill. I'm sure you working on improving yourself was the nail in the coffin "You've changed so much lately." Am I right? She said that or something very similar didn't she? Didn't she?

It's ok. Forget about her. Let go of your anger and hate. Or better yet, channel it into the gym. Fucking lift those heavy iron plates to burn the hate for her out of you.

But whatever you do be the man your son needs. His father, his leader, his teacher and his rock. Teach him about respect, respect for those that deserve it and for himself.

Go monk mode. Work on yourself hard core. Then you'll be ready to plate several hot 20-somethings with no care if she's mad. But DO NOT try to win her back or do anything for her. Don't lift to get buff for her. Don't become anything to win her back or "Show her up" It WILL backfire.

[–]V1SoR 15 points16 points  (4 children)

As far as I'm concerned, that happens in most Western marriages. You can't do anything about it, women are just biologically disgusted by male commitment. Whether they act on their feelings or not depends on their character and the society the live in. Frankly the Western society is pretty retarded in this case: most answers on Quora or a similar site suggest immediately leaving your partner once you're no longer 'happy' (aka butterflies are gone). If the people around you absolutely condone this kind of behaviour, why would you hold back, right?

Find a Eastern European or an Asian girlfriend to increase your chances of a loyal partner.

[–]HalcyonAbraham 7 points8 points  (1 child)

this is only half the equation. he would need to move out of the US too. because like you said if the society he lives in condones it. then it's the same thing.

[–]1Jaereth 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yup. 2nd generation Asians are almost worse than your blue blooded american girls lol

[–]Physio_Tool 4 points5 points  (0 children)

As far as I'm concerned, that happens in most Western marriages.

Just trying to balance out this viewpoint but I live in a tightnit neighborhood of about 60 houses. This has only happened to two marriages in this neighborhood. Its not common or even "most" but you will definitely find more of it on TRP thanks to the demographic.

[–]diomedes777 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've been saying this for as long as I can remember. Women are biologically repulsed by male commitment. It's extremely simple and once you understand it, that's it. It's all over. The blue pill is gone. Once you commit and she knows it, you've essentially become a different entity in her eyes, compared to the Chad she was chasing. You LOSE and she WINS, and it's all over. Whether that be in the form of her walking all over you, cheating on you, relentlessly shit testing you, or simply losing attraction towards you merely because you've taken yourself off the market for her. She knows she isn't worth your commitment and she's confused as to why a man she previously viewed as an alpha would change his entire alpha life to accomodate her.

There's no winning as a male in a relationship, you've lost the moment that label even arises.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You need to be strong for your son. Don't give her any power at all. Fight for your son, appear calm and collected, have your life organised because you should have a bigger influence on his life than your piece of trash ex-wife.

[–]Schlomo2_0 1 point2 points  (0 children)

AWALT brother. Sorry for you. Just find a New LTR, with a more loyal woman.

[–]WolfofAnarchy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Congratulations, dude. You just managed to prevent a live chained to that cheating bitch.

[–]dirtydog113 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mate ,been there...best thing you can do ...keep lifting , keep improving . let it go, let her go , ghost her and do your own thing. Success is the best revenge.Its taken me a long time to accept that statement , but it is the right one.Your son will grow up and make his own mind up.

[–]yoghurtorgan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just last night a policeman found out his wife was cheating and killed her and shot the dude, and this was on the other side of the planet. Just remember someone always has it worse.

[–]Gr0o0vy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

plenty of great advice in here already ; I will just repeat as it cannot be said enough - the only true power you have is over your own mind. Go out there and enjoy improving your life!

[–]2jz240sx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm approaching the 1 year mark from splitting with my kids mother . Simular branch swinging situation that I learned from my kids (3yo and 5yo) that her friend moved in about a week after I left . I made sure never to ask them any questions about her friend last thing I wanted to do was interrogate them the pain from her doing this to me and my kids still resurfaces from time to time. My outlet has been the gym. June 1st the divorce will be offical . Keep going to the gym ! Best advice I can give any man going through this .

[–]yomo86 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good lord, man I'm sorry for you. What TRP taught me trust your got, keep it pragmatic and stoic - the worst what can happen is that you put her under unjustified dread by hinting that you assume she has a side-piece.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Every time i suspect cheating, i am right. Never mistrust your manstincts. I know it hurts like a bitch, dude, but you don't want to be with a person like that. Get your shit together or keep it together if you are in a good place. I understand wanting it to work out since she is the mother of your child, but don't ask her to come back. Put the ball in her court and walk away. Most importantly​, maintain frame. Don't let her see you struggling. Handle any interactions with her with grace and dignity. Kill her with kindness. Nothing messes with a woman like seeing you be perfectly fine with the situation and happy in your life without her. It will drive her insane.

[–]juliusstreicher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Most importantly​, maintain frame. Don't let her see you struggling. Handle any interactions with her with grace and dignity. Kill her with kindness.

This is good, except for the 'kill her with kindness' shit. Just be cool you, and treat her like a pleasant librarian. No need to overdo it on treating her well.

[–]juliusstreicher 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You don't have to tell your son what a whore she was, but, you don't have to tell him lies, either. Now, after you made up a lie, so he won't blame her, he tells YOU about the guy she's been fucking. Your son knows what was up, and, since you don't tell him the truth, he thinks that you either can't understand or refuse to see reality.

Just say "She didn't want to stay." If the child asks "Why not?" Just say that you don't know.

[–]Bear-With-Bit points points [recovered]

My marriage lasted a year before we filed for divorce, but even that was stretched to the limits. Two months after our wedding she brought up divorce. TWO FUCKING MONTHS. THAT'S HALF AN NFL SEASON.

Our Her reason for splitting? I wasn't making enough money for us for her. She simply decided she didn't want to wait for my startup to get some cash flow. Well, success is the best revenge: I was already cash positive before the divorce even finalized.

I'm 99% confident my ex wasn't fucking some other dude, considering her busy work schedule. Hypergamy doesn't always mean a bitch will always swing to the next dick, but it does mean she wants to swing away from yours.

[–]ThreeFistsCompromise 0 points1 point  (5 children)

Holy shit, projecting much?

Do you feel like a bigger man for posting this?

[–]Bear-With-Bit points points [recovered]

Holy shit look at your karma. Go out and get some sunlight bro.

[–]TheGameJerk 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Lmao someone who racks up karma like you has never been with a real woman.

[–]zimmerwillbemine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When you post comments like this but you had to move back home with your mommy lmfao

[–]ThreeFistsCompromise -1 points0 points  (0 children)

This sub is full of hopeless wishful thinking provided by childish enablers.

[–]alvlear 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why do so many chicks want to fuck coworkers? I have seen this so many times, and idiot thirsties let them do it. A man should know not to shit where he eats. The hoes at work give me iois, but I ain't going there, ever. But these chicks seem to think dating coworkers is okay. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if this is what they preferred over bars and apps.

I do not think this is just my experience, but the amount of iois is insane for what is supposed to be a workplace. And now OP here is a casualty.

[–]5t3fan0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

she tells me and that i had done too many bad things in the past even though we hadn't argued much if at all

if she FEELS like you had done bad to her, it doesnt matter if you actually did or not

i thought it was some feminits power shit she got in her head.

yes, all women have it: some are better than others at it, but that shit is built-in in their dna software

good luck with your life dude, get as much detached and away from her as possible while keeping as close to your kid... also dont think about trying to stay "friend" with her because she will hate you for it and probably sabotage you in your effort

[–]aga080 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Stop texting her man, your going To get yourself in trouble.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope things get better OP. You didn't deserve this.

[–]smithyASTON 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What a bitch man, chin up brother. She has just opened many many great doors for you. ;)

[–]Cairnsian 0 points1 point  (0 children)

that's pretty fvcked up bro

[–]Hab1tual 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cut that bitch off like a light switch.

[–]Mckallidon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Time to work on yourself and just plow hos.

[–]Shakydrummer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So sorry to hear that OP. Lots of support here though man - all the best. Same thing happened to a family member of mine and despite working with the heartbreak, he never compromised on being an exceptional parent. He let the psycho exs do the shit talking while he just focused on being the better man and a good father...surprise surprise who do his kids like more.

[–]DeathToTheZog 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do not show her your true feelings. Use this pain, this crushing betrayal as fuel.

By yourself, get some music that pumps you up. Get some water, stretch, and start doing push ups. Do squats. Go buy a dumbell, and curl. Do whatever you can, and focus on that dad bod. Dont bullshit, i had one too.

You have to flip this pain and rage, and harness it. It will devour you if you don't.

I hope you overcome this.

[–]Q_easy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We are all here for you bro

[–]L3G10N9 -1 points0 points  (3 children)

This is pretty "blue pill" for me to say but is it because you didn't marry her and left it open that she left you? Just speculating..

[–]1Sir_Distic 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I disagree with you. Marrying her would be of no benefit to him. She'd have still cheated and left him. Only she'd take his money, get him no visitation for his son and just all around fuck his life up.

[–]L3G10N9 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I still think though it could of been less likely to happen if there was more of a commitment such as a marriage in this case. I thinks she would of been less likely to cheat. I mean she sounds like a piece of shit either way but most women do look for commitment, although it gives men no benefit whatsoever.

[–]Compeliminator -1 points0 points  (1 child)

im not saying anyone should do this but i had an ex take me for alot of money because i thought she was sick and needed the help. she was fucking another guy who made more money than me the whole time. i went to where they lived and confronted both of them. i told the guy that i wasnt leaving untill she either apologized or signed a legal contract to pay me back one of the two. i told the guy she had 5 minutes or i would beat the living shit out of him. im guessing that is not the definition of being stoic. the guy made her apologize

[–]LOST_TALE 0 points1 point  (0 children)

decided to lie to my son that she was moving to be closer to his grandmar. (Dont want him to blame her)

It's disgusting to lie to your son. You treat a child with so little moral respect, I lose a lot of it for you.

Whatever she ever did to blue pill your world, to leave you out of reality. You've sharply done to your child.

Hypocrit if you ever expect pitty for that sort of shit.

[–]Elm-tree-time points points [recovered]

Look at what subreddit you're posting in. It isn't shocking that you can't keep a woman. Hopefully she wins custody and saves your son from growing into scum like you.

[–]readordie13 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So she can continue feminist conditioning and have another young man lost to blue pill society? He's clearly better off with op and everyone here can agree with that. Additionally what value are you providing by calling him scum? All of us make mistakes and from every mistake grows a lesson for us accept and apply. When we refuse to learn from the lesson is a different story... Which is not the case here.

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