I've always been a bad ender. I get into relationships with mediocre women, and get invested in them, and then this happens:
I realize they aren't a good fit for me, or they pull some bullshit that merits a breakup.
Instead of breaking up with them, I stay. I turn myself into a bitch and then subsequently get treated like a bitch. I get surly and argumentative and passive-aggressive. We start fighting a lot.
Then the girl loses attraction, and a messy breakup follows.
Well, I finally broke the cycle. It took me ten years to get my balls back, but I feel like a new man.
I was in a relationship with this most recent girl for two years, and after one year, I knew I wanted out. But I constantly told myself stuff like:
"Her dad just died, I can't leave her now."
"She's depressed and needs my help. I'm all she's got."
"She's more beautiful than any other girl I've been with."
"Her friends are cool and provide social value to me."
"She'll get better eventually, and our spark will come back."
But let me tell you. It was fucking awful. She was constantly bitter, moody, distant. She never wanted to go out or do anything fun. All she wanted to do was smoke weed and watch TV and bitch and moan. I watched her lose three different jobs, and she always victimized herself, and always villainized me. And yet I stuck around, I kept putting up with it, even after the sex life dwindled to a pitiful minimum.
But eventually things got so bad that I did everything I could to reject her without actually ending it. My desire to be free of her pervaded all of my actions. Eventually she became so frustrated that she broke up with me. But I kept trying to get her back and win her over again, but I could never follow up on my promises to "be better" because I didn't actually want to "be better." I wanted out.
So we got back together a few times. Kept trying to work it out. We started seeing other people, but we kept trying to rebuild our relationship at the same time.
Finally, I discovered Redpill, and then I discovered No More Mr. Nice Guy! and I realized these things:
I'm a bad ender. It's my responsibility to get the fuck out of a bad situation.
I've been living my life based around pleasing women, and putting myself second to women.
I lived to please women because I was still "monogomous" with my mom, and my dad was an emotionally absent, emotionally week beta.
I'm still a "boy" even though I'm 28. I never really transitioned into true "manhood." I realized my text-messages and instagram were full of women, and my only guy friends were similar "Nice Guys" who beta-ize themselves with women and are insecure.
I need to stop getting into these stupid LTR's and focus on my life goals, my fitness, and my friendships with MEN.
I need to find some way to grow into full manhood and get in touch with my anger, my strength, and my masculinity.
So, a week ago, I finally ended the stupid cycle with my ex. I told her, "This isn't working out. I need to make a clean break here. Good luck with your new job."
She texted back "Wow, okay. Good luck to you too." I did not respond and that was the last I've heard from her.
This was a huge deal for me, because the last time I had the balls to directly end a relationship with an LTR was in HIGHSCHOOL. I've gotten out of bad LTRs before, but I was always a manipulative little bitch about it. No more.
Yeah, I miss her sometimes. Yeah, I am tempted to text her sometimes. But I feel a huge amount of pride in myself for doing this. I have my nutsack back. It is incredible how much it has boosted my confidence.
The only problem is that now, I find myself almost involuntarily losing frame with other women because I'm lonely, and I want to fill that hole that my ex left. Even though I am practicing abundance, I find myself worrying when a girl doesn't text back, or stressing over what to say in a text. I am learning more about holding frame over text, but I keep making mistakes. But I'm holding strong, focusing on exercising and my career goals and taking care of myself.
This is just the beginning for me, but I have already learned so much thanks to this Sub, and thanks to No More Mr. Nice Guy! and Models by Mark Manson.
So thank you gentleman, you've enabled me to save my own life.