This post is a summary of the second part of the book How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
A few notes: As mentioned in the comments, this book was not written with sexual strategy in mind. It was written mainly as a tool you can use on general social communication. It works wonders in business and networking. Some of these principles can for sure be used to get laid but not all of them exactly as described. If we can think out of the box, most of these principles can be applied in a red pill logic too. It's all about giving people what the seek in order to influence them, and this book focuses on that.
Part Two: Six Ways to Make People Like You
1.\tBecome genuinely interested in other people.
“Do This and You'll Be Welcome Anywhere”
When you become interested in other people they instantly like you. That is because people only think about themselves all the time. They don’t care about you or anyone else, when they interact with you, they just wait for the moment to start talking about themselves and their lives. So, the best thing you can do is be interested in what they’re doing and thinking. Think about the people you like the most, aren’t they the ones who were interested in you? Did you like the ones who kept talking only about themselves? In addition, say “hello” and greet people with enthusiasm, it is one of the easiest ways to show interest and excitement when you meet people.
If you want others to like you, if you want to develop real friendships, if you want to help others at the same time as you help yourself, keep this principle in mind.
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
“A simple way to make a good first impression.”
Smiling is one of the most effective ways to tell other people that you are actually glad to see them. Smiling is so strong that it can be communicated even through the phone, as our voice and the way we talk changes. In addition, it is very important that our smile is genuine, fake smiles can be easily detected and have a negative impact to the person we’re talking too. If you’re not used to smiling, try to change your mood, think of more positive things, be happy for what you already have. People seek happiness in their lives, if you convey happiness (you smile) then people will gladly follow and talk to you.
“Your smile is a messenger of your good will. Your smile brightens the lives of all who see it. To someone who has seen a dozen people frown, scowl or turn their faces away, your smile is like the sun breaking through the clouds. Especially when that someone is under pressure from his bosses, his customers, his teachers or parents or children, a smile can help him realize that all is not hopeless – that there is joy in the world.”
3.\tRemember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language
“If you don’t do this, you are headed for trouble.”
Calling a person by their name makes that person feel important. Competent managers remember all of their employees’ names, they know it is a crucial factor to good leadership.
Jim Farley who became chairman of the Democratic National Committee and Postmaster General of the United States, when asked what was his secret to success, he said that he remembers 50.000 people by their first name. Every time he met a new person it didn’t matter if it was the president or a simple worker, he would ask for his/her name and remember it.
“We should be aware of the magic contained in a name and realize that this single item is wholly and completely owned by the person with whom we are dealing and nobody else. The name sets the individual apart; it makes him or her unique among all others. The information we are imparting or the request we are making takes on a special importance when we approach the situation with the name of the individual. From the waitress to the senior executive, the name will work magic as we deal with others.”
4.\tBe a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
“An easy way to become a good conversationalist.”
When Carnegie attended at a party, he was approached by a woman asking him to tell her about his travels across Europe. After a bit of talk, she remarked that she has been recently into Africa with her husband. After hearing that, Carnegie asked her how her experience had been. The rest of the conversation went on about her trip and she never asked about his travels. All that woman wanted was a listener, someone to tell about her experiences, she didn’t want to learn about Carnegies’ trip to Europe.
When Carnegie attended at a party, he had a long conversation with a botanist. Even though Carnegie had little knowledge about botany, he was clearly interested to what the man had to say, so he listened intently. When the party ended, the botanist said to the host that Carnegie was “the most interesting conversationalist”, even though Carnegie had hardly said anything in that conversation, all he did is to listen and encourage the man to talk.
When you’re in a conversation, aim to do 75% listening and 25% talking, try to find what are the interests of the other person, then encourage them to talk about themselves.
“Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems. A person's toothache means more to that person than a famine in China which kills a million people. A boil on one's neck interests one more than forty earthquakes in Africa. Think of that the next time you start a conversation.”
5.\tTalk in terms of the other person’s interests
“How to interest people”
Theodore Roosevelt was known for his diverse range of knowledge he had. Everybody who visited him, whether it was a politician, a cowboy or a doctor he knew how to engage the problem and what to say. But how did he do it? He would simply read about the visitor’s interests the night before, so he knew about the subject the person was interested in.
As he said, “the royal road to a person's heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most.”
The previous principle told us that people love to talk about themselves. This principle tells us that the next best thing to talk about is about the other person’s interests. People love good listeners, but they love even more listeners who are knowledgeable about the things they’re interested in.
6.\tMake the other person feel important – and do it sincerely
“How to make people like you instantly”
People grieve for approval, recognition, to feel important. How many times we’ve seen people that feel underappreciated by their boss, the society and their loved ones in general?
You can change a person’s mood by giving him a genuine compliment or praise him for something. Whenever you meet a person ask yourself “What is there about him that I can honestly admire?” “What makes this person unique?” it is not easy, but if you try hard enough there is surely something you can find!
One day Carnegie was at the post office. He saw a clerk who looked bored and unhappy. He noticed his nice hair and said: “I certainly wish I had your head of hair.” The man responded with enthusiasm “Well, it isn’t as good as it used to be”. Carnegie assured him that although it might have lost some of its pristine glory, nevertheless it was still magnificent. The pleasant conversation lasted a little more.
That man completely changed his mood by hearing a simple compliment, that made his day.
“If we are so contemptibly selfish that we can't radiate a little happiness and pass on a bit of honest appreciation without trying to get something out of the other person in return - if our souls are no bigger than sour crab apples, we shall meet with the failure we so richly deserve.”
In a Nutshell - Six Ways to Make People Like You
- Principle 1 - Become genuinely interested in other people.
- Principle 2 - Smile.
- Principle 3 - Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
- Principle 4 - Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
- Principle 5 - Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
- Principle 6 - Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely.
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EDIT: added a paragraph