Field Report[FR] I really nexted a girl who had me as her orbiter and I feel SO relieved right now (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by FrankE32

Been on and off talking to this girl, couple dates etc over the past few months. Wasn't progressing. Started reading TRP but still didn't have the balls to cut her off. Friends telling me she ain't right for me and that I can do better. Finally she takes interest in a friend of mine while drunk. Let her have what she wanted, didn't beta out and cry about it or tell her no.

Ran into her last night and just gave a courteous hello have fun (I don't believe it's professional to not do this - makes you look like you have baggage). My friends were all like "wow she's gotten uglier" and "wow look she just wandered off and literally has no friends here and keeps looking back at you."

For the first time I stuck to my guns, and (key point here) didn't overthink it and try to come up with an asshole way to "get her back" - just accepted that it's over and that I can do better. That was the biggest relief of all. No oneitis-like "I'll never do better" or "maybe she'll come back."

My mood, work performance, drive, and everything has gone through the roof already. I haven't felt this good in months bros. Went out last night with friends and didn't awkwardly keep thinking about how to see her again. Already got great new prospects on the table that I'm excited about too.

If you know deep down inside that you're keeping someone around who you should next, trust me, just do it.

Thanks TRP.

Edit/update: went out for the holiday and had a great time with friends. Work performance is back up, my appetite is back, sleeping less - all things I didn't even realize were related. Lined up a girl I've had my eyes on too, and met another who's super cool last night (and way better and cuter than the one I was hung up on). Best part, oneitis girl's attempts to contact me, which I knew would come in time, aren't phasing me emotionally at all. Swipe, delete conversation.

[–]lukky_pierre 329 points330 points  (5 children)

Ran into her last night and just gave a courteous hello have fun (I don't believe it's professional to not do this - makes you look like you have baggage).

Handled with maturity and class - that's the way to do it.

[–]FrankE32[S] 92 points93 points  (4 children)

Thanks! I spent years doing it the other way. Always trying to prove I was better, or looking for a way to "win." I didn't realize I was simply causing myself more stress and embarrassment. Plus, girls can't really throw you any drama later if you're not playing games etc.

[–]StraightGlueWater 16 points17 points  (3 children)

I'm surprised she didn't reapproach. That's pretty common when the table is flipped. Girls who used to have power over you, and knew it, generally get quite taken aback when you suddenly show signs of being back in power (controlling frame).

This demonstrates, in her mind, that maybe your SMV has increased such that her power over you is gone.

Especially great with exes who come up after a cordial "Hey, good to see you, have a great night." And say "Really, just gunna say 'S, good to see you?'"

Guaranteed fuck if the above happens.

[–]FrankE32[S] 13 points14 points  (1 child)

She'd have to come up to me and shove her hand in my pants at this point for me to even consider taking her home. Not worth going back otherwise. More motivation to meet better girls.

I'm sure there will be a text or two attempting this over the next few weeks that I'll just have to handle accordingly.

[–]BlackJ1 148 points149 points  (3 children)

It's refreshing isn't it? The second you decide not to depend on someone for your happiness is the second you have freed yourself.

"Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on." - Eckhart Tolle

[–]IAmAlexE 11 points12 points  (1 child)

I didn't think I'd find a Tolle reference here. Nice job man I love that quote from him

[–]Subbs 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This sub actually often recommends reading The Power of Now. It's what made me read it anyway, and I absolutely don't regret it.

[–]bluesnsouls 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Gonna steal that phrase mate

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 120 points121 points  (15 children)

Well done.

Wondering how to behave when a girl does X or Y? Ask yourself:

"What would I do if I had 100 other girls at the moment?" (credit deangelo)

Even if you don't have other prospects/plates, the answer to this question is often the best thing you can do in any situation.

[–]FrankE32[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

This has actually helped me as well, as far as something you can do without the help of others.

Or go out, find a girl you think is really attractive, and imagine she has all the qualities of the girl you're hung up on. Chances are, you'll realize you can do better.

[–]NexusReflexX 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thats a great question and will definitely be asking myself that when speaking to girls

[–]jackandjill22 2 points3 points  (5 children)

Good point. Fake abundance.

[–]ayylma088 0 points1 point  (4 children)

You cannot fake abundance. Thats the thing

[–]insoucianc 8 points9 points  (3 children)

You totally can, just look at rappers.

[–]IkWhatUDidLastSummer 0 points1 point  (2 children)

what u mean? pretty sure rappers have abundance, they can even buy all the girls they want.

[–]fromthecrypt8 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great advice!! I needed that.

[–]ayylma088 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Honestly I am not sure if that would work... because if I had 100 girls. I would literally just try once, without much effort. I don't think I would ever get laid with that attitude lmao

[–]resolutions316 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had the same thought, but I think that's the point. Aloof + self confident = more success than putting in a lot of "effort."

I don't have first hand evidence of this (I'm married - the principles are similar but I've never applied Rp to dating), but I think this is what the response would be.

[–]WorseIsComing points points [recovered]

Well done, getting over your oneitis can be a very difficult step despite the solution being so simple and obvious. You handled this well.

[–]F3VRZ 29 points30 points  (4 children)

I'm still new to swallowing the pill but I must say this is one of the most awakening moments to me.. Realizing that despite what society may make you believe you honestly have no obligations to these girls and owe them nothing and you have all right to next them in a heartbeat... I love reading post likes this that help me realize that I'm on the right path.. Good luck in the rest of your journey brother

Edit: Spelling

[–]FrankE32[S] 16 points17 points  (3 children)

You too man. I'm very prone to getting emotionally attached to someone I like, but sometimes just being ripped from it suddenly is all it takes to make you realize you're caught up in an illusion, not a person. Saved me.

[–]Psychocist 21 points22 points  (2 children)

The trick is to always assume she's talking/dating/fucking other guys. That stops you developing this illusion that she's yours in any way. By the same token, you should be talking/dating/fucking other women.

[–]FrankE32[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

As soon as this reality hit me, it really freed me. Just had to develop a plan of action after that.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wish I would have done this with my ex. I assumed that he didn't want to fuck other women because I didn't want to fuck other guys. It broke my heart to find out that I was just a place holder until he found someone better.

[–]Senior Contributorexit_sandman 15 points16 points  (0 children)

For the first time I stuck to my guns, and (key point here) didn't overthink it and try to come up with an asshole way to "get her back" - just accepted that it's over and that I can do better.

This is key.

If you want to free yourself, you have truly accept that a certains hip has sailed and also get into the mindset that you wouldn't change it even if you could. And this change of heart must be genuine, not just sour grapes. You must be willing to kick her out of your bed if you found her there tonight.

Once you get into that mindset, the oneitis will disappear.

[–]ctrl_alt_el1te 14 points15 points  (0 children)

If you know deep down inside that you're keeping someone around who you should next, trust me, just do it.

Us men would be in a much better position if more guys adopted this mentality.

[–]Insendi 53 points54 points  (28 children)

I love this. I was an orbiter to a chick except we had no dates at all I was just blindly thinking I'd have a chance. So one day I just told her flat out I like you do you feel anything for me yes or no? She said no and just like that I cut her out of my life.

It's been 2 months and she's tried to come back into my life in so many ways. Especially cause I've lost like 30 pounds since we last spoke and I'm turning into a hot god so she defintly tryna get some. But fuck those chicks 🖕

Edit: Because people took the weight cut literally Im gonna be more specific. In truth I went down 27.8 Lbs. From 203 to 175.2 from April 27th to today July 3rd. I went on a Ketosis diet and worked out twice a day lifting in the mornings and burning at least 1000 calories doing HIIT whether it be inclined sprints or stairmaster. Alongside I would on somedays train in MMA.

Second Month I was fasting for ramadan, which lowered my caloric intake by a lot less then it already was and still was working out.

TL; DR: It's possible to lose like 30 lbs in 2 months

[–]FrankE32[S] 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Similar situation here man. It's crazy how time goes by and you don't even realize it. Then months have gone by and realize how much energy and time you've wasted for nothing.

Also helps when a female friend (which I do believe is fine to have) is there and points out the girl's flaws which you noticed but turned a blind eye to. Really hit me hearing "dude she's a loser because xxxxxxx, you can do way better" from someone I trust.

[–]BobLordOfTheCows 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Lesbian friends are best for this

[–]Pires007 25 points26 points  (22 children)

You lost 30 pounds in 2 months...

[–]2--Chainz points points [recovered]

Totally possible by cleaning up a diet and working out harder. Especially if there was a lot of water weight from a poor diet.

[–]unsafeword points points [recovered]

Absolutely. Speaking from personal experience, I can reliably go up 15lbs in a weekend if I get back on white bread and Budweiser. It makes me feel bloated and stiff all over. Then I piss all the retained water away over the course of 3-4 days when I go back to beef and broccoli. The other half of 30lbs would only be 2lbs a week which isn't hard.

There's a whole industry in getting people to lose that initial water weight and then sign up for long-term commitments to these seemingly magical diets.

[–]banjew 4 points5 points  (2 children)

I can reliably go up 15lbs in a weekend if I get back on white bread and Budweiser.

You would have to eat like 80 lbs of bread...look what are you writing man, it's insane.

[–]2niczar 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's completely possible on a keto diet; you lose a lot of water weight initially that is bound with glycogen. And that comes back very fast as well. No trick or not even anything worrisome.

[–]bojsihtekat points points [recovered]

Cocaine is a hell of a drug diet.

[–]MuhTriggersGuise 10 points11 points  (1 child)

You're not supposed to eat it

[–]LordThunderbolt 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Definitely possible, he also lost a lot of muscle I bet.

[–]SpaceMushroom 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Racing towards skinny fat if it's even half true. Don't do this.

[–]2niczar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Completely possible with keto, in part because some of the initial loss is water but not only. I a bit more than that in 3 months myself.

[–]LibertyIsNotFree 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I lost 25 in one, 50 in 3 months, 65 in 4.

At this point I'd be losing some still but now I'm gaining weight back in muscle mass (digital scale tracks not just weight but muscle weight, BF%, etc)

Later this year will be the knives to eliminate the skin I should have never let myself stretch out. But I didn't have control over my actions before where as I took ownership of them and record everything I eat and drink that has more than 40 calories.

I've went to the gym somewhere around 91 days out of the past 105 days. I didn't start keeping records properly far enough back to know precisely. 30 out of the most recent 36. Actually missed the most in a while with holidays and vacation etc. Generally it's 7 days a week, sometimes one day I won't run or won't lift, usually it's both.

Also at this point I'm doing lifetime maximums in lifts. Pretty much every exercise is up 20-30% in weight from merely 2 weeks ago (been on creatine and whey now for almost 3 weeks, seems highly correlated)

[–]banjew -4 points-3 points  (1 child)

You lost 30 pounds in 2 months...

It's possible. However you will a) gain them again and more in the next 2 months and b) have a heart attack.

[–]1jb_trp 0 points1 point  (1 child)

It's possible to lose like 30 lbs in 2 months

Yup. Especially if you're fatter, you can lose a lot of weight. I started keto weighing 181.6 lbs, and went down to 162 in about 40 days. A lot of the initial loss is water weight, but it felt good to slim down. I would rock climb a few days per week for several hours, and lift a few days on my off days. I also did intermittent fasting (breakfast at 8 am, lunch at 12, dinner at 4 pm). I haven't been on keto for two weeks, so I've probably put on 5 lbs or more.

[–]LibertyIsNotFree 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fwiw intermittent fasting hasn't really been shown to do anything as long as you wait 12 hours from dinner until next meal. That pause is important for the body to properly burn calories internally without food available as a source of energy.

There has been some pretty good correlation to IF providing benefits in reduced appetite, fewer hunger pangs, and so forth. So it seems it might have some psychological benefit but not necessarily any real difference vs being a natural deterrent to calories in.

[–]slumdog-millionaire 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Agreed, this is exactly how it's done, you just be courteous and show them that they didn't get the best of you and they'll be the ones feeling like they missed out.

I was in a similar position once and told her I thought we should just be friends. Few weeks after that she contacts me asking if she could come over but I held my ground. She spent the next few months looking at every single one of my snapchat stories literally the instant I posted them.

It ain't nothin' to cut that bitch off

[–]FrankE32[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

A good friend of mine used the friend card to his advantage like that. Girl kept asking him to be friends after they'd had sex. He finally said "okay, you wanna be friends, let's be friends." He then went and found more girls and treated her just like an average guy friend. She was crying about it in no time.

In my case, I made a point too about her asking for my friend. Nothing dramatic, just so she knows I'm not naive and that it doesn't bother me.

[–]Polandball_fan 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Well done brother, the more we kill the beta orbiter within us, the more strength we will have. Congrats on breaking out of it!

[–]Psychocist 15 points16 points  (2 children)

Kudos! Rinse that empowerment for all it is worth. Next time, DROP any woman who shows signs of resistance. None are worth the effort of chasing. If they're interested they'll chase you, anyway.

[–]FrankE32[S] 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Plus, everyone knows that just being friends isn't going to win a girl over. If you need a little BP to help ween you off, just think to yourself that the only way she'll ever come chase you (giving you an opportunity) is if you walk.

Do car salesmen drop prices when you sit there and tell them you can't afford it, or when you walk?

[–]Psychocist 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Do car salesmen drop prices when you sit there and tell them you can't afford it, or when you walk?

Great analogy! And why do you do that? Because you have the power of options and they feel the competition.

Of course, a car salesman really wants to sell you a car. To women, men are disposable. It's important to build attraction first.

[–]kealh 7 points8 points  (1 child)

I had a conversation with a this girl at work the other day. She is a 4 at best with a horrendous personality. We were talking life, relationship w.e and she told me she was dating this guy. She then asked me, " what if a girl that don't like you but you like her, would you stop or trying to make her like you?" I literally busted out laughing, " No, what for, she can leave." The looked on her face, "No, I don't agree with that." "Ok, i don't care."

This girl then go on and told me about her bf who chased her over time and she of course finally let "HIM" won over her heart. (he was orbiting for 6 months and she finally give him a chance because her ugly ass can't find anyone else.)

I can tell this bitch will branch swing the moment she find a replacement. So I probed her and she told me about how her bf cry all the time and she didn't like that. This is a classic case of weak man with weak frame dating ugly ass woman who thinks they are better and act like cunts. GOD, I feel sorry for this dude, but damn I guess when you're that ugly you have to settled. LOL. I can't stand women who act like cunts. I don't mind ugly women. I can't stand ugly women with entitlement personality.

[–]Fedor_Gavnyukov 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I can't stand ugly women with entitlement personality.

unfortunately a lot more of them have that trait than you'd think. with dudes being thirsty af these days, it must be working. amazes me every time i encounter one of those women.

[–]i4mn30 8 points9 points  (6 children)

Don't let your dreams be dreams!

[–]LibertyIsNotFree 0 points1 point  (5 children)

What does that even mean?

To actually attempt to make them reality?

To not make illusions / delusions that aren't going to be reality?

[–]i4mn30 2 points3 points  (4 children)

You haven't watched Shia La'Baeouf's Just do it video apparently.

[–]LibertyIsNotFree 4 points5 points  (3 children)

Excluding transformers the only interactions I've had with Shia Lebouf was laughing at how fast /pol kept taking his flag.

[–]i4mn30 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Off topic though dude: how many women have you approached recently? Got any FRs?

[–]LibertyIsNotFree 0 points1 point  (1 child)

The prospect of fatherhood has my attention on that currently. Appointments are made, should know soon. I'm getting pretty excited.

[–]SJHammer points points [recovered]

A girl who called me bestie called recently "You never call me, you don't care about me."...I just responded "You're right."

[–]1skittles_man 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Great FR. Now use this instance masculine momentum to push yourself to the next level!

[–]AllahHatesFags 5 points6 points  (0 children)

One of the most powerful abilities a man has is the ability to walk away. Good job, bro!

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Congratulations, brother. Keep acting like a man. Only good things will come. Don't let anyone tell you you are not great. You are always great as long as you prove it.

[–]hawkeaglejesus 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace."

[–]darngooddogs 8 points9 points  (3 children)

This is off topic, but I just want to point something out here. I am a non religious Buddhist, but I also consider myself pretty alpha. Sometimes on here I see things that I cannot agree with, just too much sometimes, too far. I am on other subs and see Red Pill hate from plenty of users, mostly from people who clearly do not understand what it's all about. But sometimes I see things like this post and it is just so positive it makes me proud. That's really it, just an observation. Keep it up op.

[–]TheOtherWalternate 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It's because you see he handled it maturely, still treated her with respect, but moved on.

[–]FrankE32[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Buddhist as well...and part of that for me is self respect as well. But I also tried the whole "be a dick to people" life and it didn't get me far. Back to being nice these days whilst standing up for myself.

[–]darngooddogs 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I grew up an asshole, I still have to fight the sarcasm. But I am at least getting to the point where I can catch myself before to much damage is done. I finally realized that all that is Beta af and shows weakness.

[–]1Sir_Distic 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You handled this like a man (Alpha). Not like a man-child (beta) whining or complaining. Just accepting this wasn't going anywhere so you moved on.

You were polite but not grovelling or attempting to manipulate her into coming back. I agree that it's best to be polite rather than just ignore her. "Hi." and moving on.

[–]tolerantman 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You have great friends, keep them.

[–]Ostradamus 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Great post. Simple, but I needed to hear it. I've been dealing with the same thing.

[–]FrankE32[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You've got it man. If I can next this girl, I've got faith in you. The other side feels like heaven.

[–]suxxos 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Went out last night with friends and didn't awkwardly keep thinking about how to see her again.

It sucks to be the one to say that, but it's not that easy. You'll be thinking about her for a very, very long time, whether you want this or not. You can boast as much as you can, and sure, you'll be patted on the back by a bunch of other redpillers, but it takes ages before you can really recover. If ever.

[–]FrankE32[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep definitely truth to that. I just try to remember why I checked out and don't like her, and how happy I am now. Gives me motivation to stay out. It's been years since I've been through this, and I remember it can take a while to be totally free

[–]maxrp points points [recovered]

OP Still thinking about her, not over her, not learnt to next her :-/

[–]FrankE32[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Honestly if you've found a magical way to wipe your brain in 24 hours of all memories of a person, we should probably set you up for a Nobel prize now.

Don't see why it's bad to be excited about an accomplishment attributed to this community and want to share it. Never sold a shitty car and told everyone you're so glad it's gone?

[–]1htbf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Any tip for when that girl is a coworker ?

I'm not exactly an orbiter (she has very clearly expressed both verbally and physically that I made her wet) but she has an orbiter and I want to truly move on. I've kept the flirting alive for so long, out of boredom at the workplace (seriously, i can't have 8 hours a day of NON STOP productivity), because i thought i could manage it and because it felt good that the sexiest girl at the job felt that way for me.

But it's taking a toll on my sleep, appetite, drug use, overall discipline, and interest in other chicks.

The OIS is mild enough that if she were to just disappear out of my life, I'd be totally fine. But I have to fucking be around her most days if not every day.

And yes, I'm trying to look for another job (I would be doing that with or without her in the picture) but I believe I'll have to stick for a long while still and build something I can sell to another company.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't offer these stupid bitches anything more than anal-only plate status. Elevate yourself. Join a local fascist organization. Read everything you can about Julius Evola and Augosto Pinochet.

[–]ayylma088 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did you really though? Like hard next her? Maybe you'll return in a month?

[–][deleted] -5 points-4 points  (3 children)

So youre not thinking about her at all except when you're posting a novel about her on Reddit. Smh

[–]FrankE32[S] 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Nah. Sharing the story to help others man. Feeling proud and free.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)


[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Whatever you gotta tell yourself