Blue Pill Example10 years from now your oneitis isn't going to be shit and you will thank yourself for not committing to her. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by Endorsed Contributormallardcove

It seems like every day on AskTRP there are about a dozen or more posts in which the OP has crippling oneitis and says something along the lines of

"I don't know what else to do, I've read the sidebar, I've read the sidebar 1000 times, I am practicing and applying all the TRP I can, I am lifting, I am gaming other women, but I just can't seem to get over her, I don't think I will ever be happy with any other girl but her".

Alright. Is she really that special? Really? Ask yourself: Is she really that special, or are you just making her out to be special?

I know the answer because I have taken it to private message with some of the blue pilled hamsters who make such claim and have them send me a pic of the girl they have oneitis for. Pretty much every time the pic they send me is, at best, some average run of the girl 5 or 6, no where close to the perfect 10 they describe her as. I've seen more rainbow haired feminist types, fatties, and just plain average girls than actual high SMV bombshells that could possibly be worth all that oneitis agony for.

In reality you oneitis types are just making her out to be more than she really is. Take a step back, take the oneitis blinding glasses off, and observe her from a neutral standpoint and begin to pick out her flaws. Not so special anymore. Then you will realize all the propping up and excuse making you have been doing for her to make her out to the flawless unicorn that you have been.

I'm 29, almost 30 years old. You know how many times in my blue pilled days I had the same oneitis issue? Where I thought I would never be happy with anyone but her? A lot. I hamstered up my oneitis girls in my mind as perfect flawless unicorns, despite them being drug users, alcoholics, binge drinkers, whores, you name it. And I was able to get over all of them without TRP. If I can get over all those girls without TRP, you sure as hell can do it with TRP and all the knowledge, resources and wisdom it gives you.

At 29 years old, all these girls I had oneitis for 10-15 years ago are all either post wall or have hit the wall. They are all either fat, ugly, or used up from years of partying and carousel riding. One of them was a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader whom I had oneitis for and thought I would never be happy with anyone else. When I had oneitis for her she was 18 and a total smokeshow. She's 28 now and fat, ugly and used up with the thousand cock stare to go along with her ruined body/face from years of partying. I am damn glad things didn't work out between us or I'd be stuck with that. That's why I laugh at all you 18-20 year olds thinking you have found the one and will never be happy with anyone else. In 10 years she isn't going to be shit.


  • Stop hamstering and turning your oneitis into some flawless perfect unicorn in your mind, she isn't.

  • Stop rationalizing and making excuses for her flaws. Take a step back and see her flaws for what they really are.

  • Realize that in 10 years she isn't going to be shit and will be a shell of what she is now. And you will thank yourself in 10 years that you didn't commit to her.

[–]Shakydrummer 108 points109 points  (8 children)

This kind of advice is beyond TRP, this shit is just life. Time heals, but if you don't get off your ass and make an effort to improve and grow both mentally and physically, and make yourself the goal you'll be stuck in your blue pill mindset. Time means shit if you just exist in the same timeframe/mindset you were in during or after your LTR.

[–]M1ster_X 33 points34 points  (5 children)

To quote the great and powerful Gary Vaynerchuk, "Go do shit."

[–] points points

[permanently deleted]

[–]rpjordan 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Sell out.

It's like his so high on his own success he just wants to tell the world how great it is and to chase your dreams. In reality a smart guy like him could teach us heaps about the tech industry, it's a shame.

I liked Gary at first but I've grown tired of him. All his content is 'go do shit' I don't find it useful, it's feel good content, instant gratification mumbo jumbo.

I know he gives good advice at times but it's like his goal is to appeal to a mass audience, generalising his content.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's funny because he's obviously smart as fuck and works insanely hard. But the life that he shows now where he works 16 hour days is him mostly going to meetings and doing talks. He's not slaving over a computer, copywriting, editing videos– hell he doesn't even write blogs or captions. He dictates them to copywriters and editors. He's almost a kind of Tai Lopez. A lot of hype and "what do you actually do?"

[–]bredleymertin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just heard of him recently, can't tell if he's bullshitting or not but the fact is that I think he's interesting since I'm talking about him.

[–]M1ster_X 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He's to me a financial definition of an Alpha. He does things, invests in things that conventional business people often ridicule. He's pretty much the king of social media marketing, and he doesn't give a fuck what people think of him and doesn't pull any punches when it comes to calling out budding entrepreneurs who are slacking.

He's one of the most practical motivators I follow...and he doesn't flaunt his Lamborghini in his garage and speak vaguely like some people...

[–]Peter_B_Long 10 points11 points  (1 child)


I just broke up with an LTR of 5 years a month ago. In this past month, I've gone through rejections, flakes, no replies, stress from my phone breaking and waiting for a new one, waiting since forever for the registration of my car to go through so I can finally have a nice car with AC in 100 degree weather.

Ever since the break up I've pretty much just gotten worse even though I've been busting my ass to self improve. It's like the harder I try, the harder I would fall.

It wasn't until recently, especially today, that I finally got my break. I finally was able to drive my new 2015 car, my new phone finally came in, I checked myself out at the gym today and saw noticeable gain, I have a good 7 day streak going with meditation (longest in a year since I started) set up a date for tomorrow, and another date for Friday.

This past month has just been hell. Busting my ass feeling depressed and miserable. It was only harder when I would see mutual friends posting things of her like her going sky diving and landing a new job. (this was when I was phone-less so I had to be on social media more for contact). I had broken up with her and her life was getting better while mine was getting worse without any girl replying to me and flaking and rejections.

No surprise that now that I am starting to receive the fruit from everything I've been busting my ass to grow, I am over her and hardly thinking of her now.

It takes time AND hard work.

[–]Shakydrummer 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Dude I feel you. Post LTR I almost dove into full on alcoholism, and went through not one but two incredible lows. I straight up had to stop drinking. Something changed in me after February and I'm super lucky if I don't get seriously fucking depressed from having a drink now. I'm way better off now than I was at the start of the year though - looking better, feeling better, and not hindered by that same misery you know all too well.

Happy to hear you're better and setting up some dates man, give yourself a pat on the back. Your hard work and resilience got you to where you are - which is a hell of a better place to be then those dudes that wallow in their own shit months on end over some girl that won't mean jack shit to you in time.

[–]Rudeyyyy 24 points25 points  (15 children)

10 years? lol I got over my former oneitis in a month. As soon as I found abundance mentality I realized not only I could do better, but she wasn't worth it and the other girls were more into me. Win win situation.

[–]cherryCanSuckMyDick 29 points30 points  (9 children)

Took me something like four years. Then one day I woke up, saw her and thought to myself "Why the fuck did I think she was the shit again?"

And dont misunderstand me, she isnt anywhere near the wall or suddenly ballooning to 200 lbs. Id still bang her in a heartbeat given the chance, I just finally woke up and realized shes just another bitch.

[–]Rudeyyyy 13 points14 points  (8 children)

And that's how I felt about my first oneitis. I'd fuck her in a heartbeat. But would I LTR her? Fuck no lol. After she lied to me and led me on ( my own fault before TRP) I realize she's immature and I don't need someone like that.

One thing that kept me hung however was she wore this specific perfume from Victoria's Secret I think she said. Idk what it was but goddamn it was fucking intoxicating. Whenever she sat next to me and I got a whiff of it i felt high almost. A few months after I got over her I smelled it again in the air at a mall somewhere and first thing I thought of was her but then I remembered how she played me.....high went away instantly. I still Iove the smell, but she can do fuck a cactus.

[–]cherryCanSuckMyDick 7 points8 points  (7 children)

So long story short, I think you were more in love with the smell

[–]Rudeyyyy 2 points3 points  (6 children)

Yeah I guess. Il put it this way. If any of my future plates or LTR's wear it that's it I'm done. Weak in the knees in an instant.

[–]Imakesensealot 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I'm pretty sure there's that one smell for every guy. I have one such smell too from a HS oneitis. It was a boarding school and quite a few girls actually wore it. Instant weakness. Like some kind of witchcraft. Then I moved countries. Every once in a while though, I'd get a whiff of the scent as I go about my day to day. At the mall, work, school. Whatever. Every single time, I turn around to find the woman wearing it and ask them. Never quite found one of such though; for some reason it's always in overcrowded areas. One day though. One day I'd know my weakness.

[–]Rudeyyyy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've smelled perfumes where I was like eh doesn't really get to me. Even weirder was when I smelled nothing. Usually if a female is close to me I naturally get a whiff of her shampoo or deodorant or perfume or something. But this one girl I work with, nothing.

It's not like she doesn't shower she wears makeup, has silky blonde hair, dresses well but I never get a whiff of her whenever she's near me. It's the weirdest thing. And no I don't intentionally try to smell that's weird. It's if it's in the air.

[–]pablohombre 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Makes swallowing the Red pill useless when you can just throw back up. Some men need a transplant not a pill.

[–]Rudeyyyy 0 points1 point  (2 children)

They're plates or an LTR for a reason. I'm not gonna be like this for a random person

[–]pablohombre 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Yeah I read your last comment as you will revert to your beta self. I guess that's not what you meant but I wouldn't be surprised if it did happen though.

[–]Endorsed Contributormallardcove[S] 14 points15 points  (4 children)

I didn't find TRP until I was 25, almost 26. From ages 16-25 I was a blue pilled beta who fell into oneitis trap after oneitis trap. I followed the same (failed) strategy: Meet a woman, try to be her friend first, then be friends with her for a couple months before finally "escalating" and asking her out on a very casual date, then play it ultra slow and be a super nice guy who doesn't try any funny business. It never worked. It sucked because I always had natural SMV so I would get a lot of IOIs, but was never able to do anything with it because my game was that bad.

Some oneitises took a couple months to get over, some a couple of years. Some say time heals all wounds, what honestly ended up fixing all of my oneitises, was finding another woman(my problem always being it would be just one woman). Which is why we say the cure is to go fuck other women.

[–]youngzari 7 points8 points  (1 child)

I had the very same experience. I fully swallowed the pill at 29 but I had also had the exact same experience. It's funny when I look back at it sometimes, it still stings in a cringe kinda way.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I was 34. It is never too late to swallow the pill. The rest of your life will be better.

[–]Rudeyyyy 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Damn I'm 19....I did that back in high school I can def relate. I befriended all of the hot girls, cheerleaders etc hoping one of them would be like damn Rudy is really nice il go date him. Nah as I was at practice they'd be blowing random dudes. I nexted most of them. Some still hang around because we're in the same career paths but I don't see them in the same way anymore.

I guess it's good I found TRP at 19. I can move on and still develop abundance while in college. I feel better since I found TRP and I've been getting more IOI's because lifting, wardrobe etc. My game was and still is sort of like yours though. It's utter shit and I wait to long to escalate and then the feelings fizzle away.

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 22 points23 points  (1 child)

I used to have recurrent outbreaks of ONEitis though my life pre-TRP.

At first I stupidly thought every new girl o was infatuated with was "the One" of course. But at some point, I started finding it odd that I would get infatuated with a girl, despite the full awareness that I got infatuated with other girls before and would likely get infatuated with other girls after. The dissonance was so strange. To hold in my mind both the ideas that "I cannot not live with this girl" and "that's what I thought with girl A in 2004 and girl B in 2007 and girls C in 2012, etc.". To see clearly the inconsistency and to not be able to do anything about it because the former was emotional and the later was rational.

I got to believe that the infatuation I would experience was not with a specific girl but with an idea of a girl. Back in those pre-TRP days I concluded that I was a hopeless romantic obsessed with a faceless, ideal image of a lover and that I was putting the face of a new girl on this image every time. Still, this would not prevent me from feeling the infatuation.

Post-TRP, I think I was not too far off the mark. I still think that this model of a "generic, emotional need for love being fitted by a different girl at any give time" is probably correct. Though now I believe this is not due to me being a romantic, but due to my scarcity mentality back then. The blue pill belief in the soul mate myth would then just give substance to this delusion, allowing it to thrive despite the dissonance and despite my realisation of the model underpinning the delusion.

My advice, post-TRP, is this:

You are not infatuated with this girl. You are in fact infatuated with the idea that you need a sweet, loving and caring partner that will make sense to your life. It's just that right now you naturally put that girls' face on your fantasy to make it more vivid. Even if you were to succeed in seeing this girl as NOT special (say she does something horrible to you and you successfully manage to integrate the idea that "my ONE wouldn't do that to you, so she's not the ONE"), then you would just soon find another face to put on the idea of "the ONE".

Your efforts should instead be directed at uprooting the original delusion: that you can ultimately find solace in a perfect lover/partner at all. How you do this is up to you. Fuck lots of girls so you see that they're all the same? Read on evo psych so you see the roots of your delusion? Read TRM again and again to connect the dots? Meditate on the simple real fact that women are just other humans who have their best interest at heart and not yours? More likely it's a combination of it all.

[–]Endorsed Contributormallardcove[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Lots of truth here. You aren't in love with her, you are in love with the fairy tale ideal of love that you have been programmed from birth to believe happens to you once you find "the one". She is simply the vehicle in the grand scheme of the "true love" story men are force fed and brainwashed with.

This is why so many men feel like they need a woman to complete them, because from birth we are told that we all find a woman, fall in madly in love, she loves you just as much as you love her, and you live happily ever after.

That's the problem with fairy tales and Disney movies and other garbage in which the man heavily pursues the woman, does everything for her, holds nothing back, expresses his love, and she falls into his arms. The movie always ends when he finally wins her over. It doesn't show what happens after that. It doesn't show them living happily ever after. Because if it did, and it reflected reality, it would show the woman hitting the wall, divorce raping him, cheating, etc. and that doesn't make for a good love story. 'Look at the big picture. Too many men thinks it ends when you win the woman's heart. That's just phase 1.

It's an embarrassing story but one of my college oneitses. She played a sport at the same school I went to. I drove 7 hours to go to one of her games one time and surprise her there. I thought she would be thrilled that I went all that way just to watch her play and she would be so grateful and surprised in a happy way. Because I believed thats how love worked because I, like every other guy, have been brainwashed to believe winning a woman's love is all about how much you do for her and how much you show her you care for her and are there for her. However once she saw me there instead of being all happy that I went all that way for her, she was weirded out and tried to avoid me. She broke things off a couple weeks later. When I had oneitis for her(and other women) I always envisioned me being there for her, worshipping the ground she walks on, bending over backward for her, and then her reciprocating back to me, and we fall in love, I propose, we get married, have kids, have a wonderful marriage and live happily ever after. Oneitis is pretty much putting not just the cart before the horse but putting the cart lightyears ahead of the horse.

[–]ctrl_alt_el1te 17 points18 points  (2 children)

The thing is, everyone has flaws. Oneitis is such a trap because it only lets you see what you WANT to see in a girl, which is her best characteristics. The key to crushing that beta mindset is to seek out the flaws (trust me, they are there) and use them to RIP APART any majestic notions you have of a girl. Do this EVERY time you meet/see one you might be interested in.

'Well, ctrl_alt_el1te that's kinda unfair to her' you might say. If you think girls don't do this to you automatically within SECONDS of meeting you then you have not swallowed the pill. TRP works hard to define the rules of the game that women play and hands you the instruction manual on a platter. Use the rules to protect yourself from oneitis and beta fallacies.

Every time someone goes out of their way to write on here about any girl REGARDLESS of the circumstances they draw up I just wish they'd step back and see their oneitis for what it really is. No one girl is worth that kind of effort. EVER. Good post OP. The sub needs more of this.

[–]Endorsed Contributormallardcove[S] 8 points9 points  (1 child)

To expand on what you said:

Yes, women will start mining you for your flaws immediately. This is exactly why we say to invest minimally, delete social media, text only for logistics, and DO instead of TALK, reveal as little about yourself as possible when meeting women. The more you give her the chance to learn about yourself, the more chances you will give her to find flaws in you that could disqualify you.

Every time someone goes out of their way to write on here about any girl REGARDLESS of the circumstances they draw up I just wish they'd step back and see their oneitis for what it really is. No one girl is worth that kind of effort. EVER. Good post OP. The sub needs more of this.

I love when some blue piller in denial on AskTRP writes a novel about some girl and then claims "But I totally don't have oneitis". Who is he trying to convince? The readers, or himself?

[–]2 Senior Endorsed Contributorvengefully_yours 51 points52 points  (8 children)

I'm a couple years from 50. my 30 year class reunion is this year. All those girls from back then I wanted to fuck because they looked so good, I have zero desire to fuck now. At ten there was two I'd still have fucked, at 20 maybe one. Now, fuck no, I can fuck girls half our age. Every one of these bitches got fat or ugly, most both. The hottest one from my class is pushing 200lbs, her ass is huge. They've got their betas locked down, what do they care if they get fat?

Hooked up with both my ex wives when they were 20 and 21. Now they're 44 and 35, the years are not doing them any favors. I fucked then when they looked the best through their 20s, they both decided to bail around 30. The first one is enormously fat and got a loser who is ten years older than I am, spineless, fat, useless. The second got a loser who is 20 years younger than I am, with zero future, no prospects, and he plays video games all day. The epitome of a wannabe. At last she is still thin, but holy shit what a train wreck. He thinks he won a prize, to him she is, to me not so much. I popped her cherry and ride that shit like a stolen mule for years.

The 22 year old I was banging on 2014 is scary as fuck now. She got heavily into meth, partying, and at only 25 looks 35.

Bitches age like bread, especially white girls. Asians and some native American girls canlook good for a very long time, but not white girls. Holy shit they go downhill fast. Getting oneitis for any of them is silly. There's a fresh crop of 18 year olds entering college every year. There's no shortage of them, but there is a shortage of quality, dominant, confident men.

[–]Endorsed Contributormallardcove[S] 36 points37 points  (4 children)

Funny you say this. I went to my 10 year high school reunion back in October. Always wanted to write a post here about it but never did.

Anyway. In high school I always had natural SMV. I was the star athlete in multiple sports who went on to play college ball. So getting IOIs was never an issue. But my game was terrible. I'd get IOIs, go out with these women and repulse them with my betaness.

10 year high school reunion. THE WALL. Holy crap. With my last memory of most of these women being seeing them at random house parties in college, the wall was not kind. Some were married. Some had boyfriends. Some single. Maybe 1 or 2 still hot enough to where I would consider banging in a ONS. But none were even plate material - at the time I had 3 plates back home between the ages of 20-22.

And yet, all my guy friends that night, were still talking about how good some of these women looked and how they were going to try to score with them. Even worse, some of them were boyfriends or husbands of these postwall women. It's sad how a lot of my friends who I saw that night had also become fat and out of shape, just like the women.

Myself, having been lifting and staying in shape with low body fat, got all the attention from women there. I got shit tested, I got attention from all angles, and a lot of flirting attempts. I kept being asked "How is a guy like you still single? by them. They tried hard. Where 10 years ago I would have been in heaven with all the attention I was getting and be thrilled that I basically had my pick of the litter, that night I wasn't interested. Instead afterward I went to a bar with my high school buddies and went home with some 21 year old college student instead.

You betas want your revenge fantasy? Lift, stay in shape then show up to your 10 year reunion and don't take any of them home with you.

[–] points points

[permanently deleted]

[–]Endorsed Contributormallardcove[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

My twin sister was running the reunion and was telling everyone I was single. I never actually told anyone myself

[–]Senior Endorsed Contributormax_peenor 8 points9 points  (0 children)

class reunion

Ah yes. An RP carnival, where there so so very much inexplicable behavior unless you've taken the build.

I had zero intention of going to my 20th; I just didn't give a single fuck, but having moved away will do that to a lot of people. I wasn't in touch with any of these people. Though it is important to note that my family that still lived there would 'fill me in' with great detail about everyone I once knew, while I secretly dreamed a ninja would suddenly and painlessly decapitate me. Anyway, as it approaches, some crazy bitches actually hunt me down to hound me about not going. I pretty much ignored them all, as my voice mail gets filled up. I still wasn't going.

About a week out the sister of my best friend from most of school calls me; we were always on good terms and I saw her as my sister and did the usually brotherly things for her and with her. She was a much younger version of my actual sister who had moved out and moved on a long time ago. Apparently these desperate, crazy bitches were bugging her to get me on board. The fuck? So I ask her in a playful voice, "what, they want to make sure I'm still hot? ha ha" She answered, "No, probably the opposite. You going?" "No." She chuckled and said, "I've done my job. Talk to you later, (brotherly nickname)."

Huh. What was that about? Why would the divorced hogs want me to show up to a reunion and hope I was an older, dumpy, but once hot guy.

Oh. Divorced.

I did not go.

[–]Dragon_Garoo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Love this. I've not been to my reunions but ya, looking at social media, it's like... egads. hahaha. And yup. keep finding the young and fun ones. And my LTR is cool with it, so meh. :-)

[–]CaleebTalib 11 points12 points  (2 children)

This is great advice. The girl I used to have oneitis for came into where I work yesterday and I had to wait on her. It wasn't that bad I just manned the fuck up because it had been over a year and half since she broke up with me. That was when I subconsciously swallowed the red pill. I've been with several hot chicks since, work out, hang out with plenty of fun people and party occasionally. I don't know why she came into where I work, but I'm guessing it was to "check up" on me. I kept our conversation almost entirely professional although I cracked a joke and she laughed. It was strange and I almost felt sick from how much she reminded me of my shitty former blue pill existence. Fuck oneitis, I'm in great shape and look great right now and I know she thought so too.

Great quote from Far Harbor FO4 DLC: "Memories are like a different reality" we always make ourselves believe things were a certain way when they really weren't. We always put a gold aura around the past.

[–]Endorsed Contributormallardcove[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Great quote from Far Harbor FO4 DLC: "Memories are like a different reality" we always make ourselves believe things were a certain way when they really weren't. We always put a gold aura around the past.

And once you break free from the chains of oneitis, you can see the past more clearly.

All these past oneitises I had in which I could never see myself being happy with anyone but her - I now see those women for who they truly were.

Some really not that hot. Some Average. A few were HB6s on their best day. Most were whores. Some hard drug users. Alcoholics. Drunks. Immature party girls. Bitches.

Yet, with my oneitis unicorn goggles on 10 years ago, I saw them as flawless angels from heaven with not a blemish.

[–]youngzari 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My ex works where I work now and I feel it was for the same reason. I'm unbothered either way

[–]imbeciI 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Over ten years ago: I was about to kill myself because The OneTM was gonna marry someone else.

Now: She sends me a message that read "Marry me!" after seeing how well I am doing now.

Thanks TRP.

[–]FudgingEgo 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I don't believe oneitis is even to do with the girl but the image of the girl.

You see her as something that will make you what you want to be, you don't really see the person. You see a hot object that will make you feel amazing or other people jealous of your status being with said person.

I love when people talk about oneitis they always say just remember that her shit still stinks and its true.

[–]aanarchist 8 points9 points  (0 children)

she isn't shit today bro, she was never the shit to begin with.

[–]iSeeLizards 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Man, thanks for this post OP I needed it. Got cheated on by my long term girlfriend 5 months ago and only found out after she left me, thought about her every day since.

You're spot on though, the past 5 months I've been delusional to think she was perfect for a family when in reality she cried every single day, she made me feel like a monster and would constantly victimise herself even though I would've gave her the world. She would lie and tell me she wanted the same things I did when really she was sleeping with someone else.

Thanks again OP, I needed this a lot.

[–]1skittles_man 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Want a quick way to get over your oneitis? Imagine her taking a big, hulking, smelly shit; straining so hard that she is turning purple with her frontal vein bulging out 2 inches from her forehead.

Scat lovers, please do not reply.

[–]_vend7u 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Quite an imagination you got there.

[–]stoicsoul87 6 points7 points  (0 children)

There was a post on TRP about not living a revenge porn fantasy. That was spot on. It's unwise to hold on to a fantasy of karmic retribution for her rejecting you.

Sure, she may lose her SMV, string along a BB, divorce rape him and become a miserable spinster BUT that's irrelevant. She does not exist the moment you learn she isn't interested in you.

[–]newName543456 3 points4 points  (3 children)

When I had oneitis for her she was 18 and a total smokeshow. She's 28 now and fat, ugly and used up with the thousand cock stare to go along with her ruined body/face from years of partying. I am damn glad things didn't work out between us or I'd be stuck with that.

High-school/college pipe dream oneitis is actually being let off easy.

Think actually being with one CC rider and trying to endure all her liaisons "in the name of love which conquers all". You'd end up being a complete wreck.

[–]Endorsed Contributormallardcove[S] 5 points6 points  (2 children)

I have so many blue pilled friends who think that getting a CC rider to marry them after she hits the wall and is looking for a soft landing is some sort of prize. I have a neighbor across the hall who is a stripper or an escort - I see different guys coming and going from her apartment all the time - and my idiot friends think she is a catch and would gladly marry her without hesitation if they could.

These idiots are the same ones who think women age like wine and that Jennifer Lopez/Jennifer Aniston are the only proof needed that women only get hotter as they age.

[–]newName543456 1 point2 points  (1 child)


Obviously they don't know what make-up or airbrush and retouch are.

[–]Endorsed Contributormallardcove[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know. And even then - I guarantee you JLo or Jennifer Aniston were hotter from 18-23 than they are now.

[–]feoen points points [recovered]

This is probably more appropriate for AskTRP but I'll post it here:

I'm not sure if what I am experiencing is oneitis. The OP makes it sound like it's this absolute "she can do no wrong, she shits gold" unicorn feeling that leads to utter obsession.

My experience is way more subtle than that. It seems like out of every hundred women I meet, I feel attraction towards one and find myself thinking about her more often than I usually would. These are women I would actually prefer to have in my company rather than as pump and dump.

I do tend to notice that I "work harder" to game these women, and I definitely feel happier when I let them into my life. I also tend to ignore other women when I have found one I want, because it's incredibly rare for me to care enough about most people who come into my life.

I am generally pretty happy on my own. I don't experience attraction to most women. They just exist and if they want to share sex, that's great but I've got bigger goals and better things to spend my time and money on.

But when one really piques my interest, usually due to shared humor and hobbies, I get a bit attached. If it doesn't go anywhere, that's life and I'm onto the next chick. But when I do succeed, it's really nice having someone who shares my values and interests join me in my journey.

Is this oneitis, or is this just regular attraction?

[–]Endorsed Contributormallardcove[S] 4 points5 points  (6 children)

It's oneitis. Once you have fucked dozens of women you realize they are all the same and not one is special. That doesn't mean there aren't LTR quality girls out there, but once you have fucked enough women you will realize they all have flaws. For example women who look great all dolled up in makeup and a sexy outfit and when all the clothes come off in the bedroom its "meh" and she is weak in bed.

What you are experiencing is an offshoot of scarcity mentality. Women should have to earn their way to you thinking the way you think about these women - you are automatically assigning them special unicorn status upon meeting them.

Assume the worst when you meet a girl - start from there. Then, if she behaves and earns it, you can start to think better of her. That's why most men fail - they find a girl they are attracted to and start from the position of automatically assuming the best, and hamster away when anything challenges that notion.

[–]Senior ContributorSkorchZang 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's very important to notice about yourself.

How just about any girl becomes amazing and wonderful, simply because you are presently fucking her. She could be a 6 or a 10, won't matter. It's some kind of ego trip, since I'm with her, she can't possibly be anything but the very best. I always make the wisest choice, and I am impossible to ever fool.

I think we have the best antidote to this, secretly hidden in religious doctrine. When a man is full of straight up genuine reverence for something higher, broader and bigger than himself, he'll slowly gain immunity from the ego trip and these situations become comical, because women actively try to exploit it! Then they're are outraged and aroused when it doesn't work as expected.

[–]feoen points points [recovered]

I agree that they need to earn my approval and I lose that frame when I try to "game them harder than others".

However, I never said that I think of these women as flawless. That is what I am struggling with in determining what oneitis is. Guys I know with oneitis idealize a girl into this perfect being that cannot exist.

I'm not doing that. I just happen to see someone with a quality I like, so like anything in life I put in the work so I can have it. I am not blind to a person's issues just because I otherwise like them.

It's like, if you are into butts and 99 girls have great tits but no butt then one comes along with a nice ass, wouldn't you be more interested in that one? You aren't ignoring her flaws just because she has a nice ass, but after all everyone is going to be flawed to all hell.

Is it oneitis to see something I like, prioritize it, and go for it?

[–]Endorsed Contributormallardcove[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Is it oneitis to see something I like, prioritize it, and go for it?

In a vacuum, no, but it can turn into oneitis if you get too invested. The whole key is outcome independence - once your happiness/satisfaction is tied to how things are going with that girl, you are in too deep.

[–]feoen points points [recovered]

Yeah, that makes sense. I'm curious as to where to draw that line. I wonder whether giving less priority to other women and focusing on gaming the one is technically tying my happiness in with the outcome. I don't dwell on it if it fails, but I do limit my abundance.

I suppose it's different for each person.

[–]Senior ContributorSkorchZang 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just go for it when that happens (that delicious obsession). Still making a bare bones effort to keep other plates spinning while going after the latest obsession with whatever I've got. A little TRP knowledge goes a long way to keep you from accidentally overdoing it.

It's a flavour of love. Collect them all.

[–]RonieGarret 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know what you feel. I can ignore most of women but in very few rare cases I'm so turned on that I must escalate asap. She's not into me? How sad, move on...

[–]Endorsed ContributorRunawayGrain 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Realize that in 10 years she isn't going to be shit and will be a shell of what she is now. And you will thank yourself in 10 years that you didn't commit to her.

The final nail in the coffin of any oneitis is seeing her after ten years. In my case it actually took a few to register who she was as she approached me in the grocery store. Then it was a damn bitch, what the fuck happened to you? moment racing through my head, before I wordlessly turned and left.

[–]evilkenevil 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Old guy here...OP's title statement is insanely accurate.

[–]WallyHotvedt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As another old guy here I absolutely agree. The wall is brutal for women. She'll look like garbage soon enough, it's just not an option for her as the years roll on. Meanwhile you'll have dodged a bullet. I smile when I think of my oneitis because I came out well ahead on the deal, knowing that I got her best years that she'll never be able to look that good again, and that I'm even more fucking amazing now than I've ever been in my life. Best revenge is to go out and create an awesome life for yourself, all the tools you need are right here, you just need to do the hard work. Know that the payoff is so worth it.

ETA: saw an advert for new show, something about 'spend a night with your ex'. I howled and thought no fucking way, I have so many things better to do with my time.

[–]TaxationSucks 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My oneitis is now divorced, living in her friend's basement broke and alone. #Feelsgoodman

[–]sneakyMak 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I think this advice really only applies to men who soley go for looks and tell themselves they wont get anything better down the line. But when you meet a girl that you are so into, that really understands you and possesses loads of appealing/interesting character traits it gets more complicated than just focusing on flaws. Every human beeing has flaws, so saying pick some out to rationalize why would have thrown her into the trash later anyways wont work for most. When you share many hobbies, spend time doing these together and generally being into the same stuff will not only boost your oneitis but users who might be new/lurking will question the helpfullness of this sub with advice like OP´s. Of course oneitis is not healthy and creates alot of mental stress that prevents people from experiencing life to the fullest. I am just trying to play the devils advocate here but from an almost 30 year trp user I would have expected more insightful advice than this.

Edit: What people with oneitis need to come to term with is the fact that even if you strongly believe that girl is unique and special, other females like her exist. She didnt become the person you liked so much out of nothing. Going through a lot of events, teachings, relationships with other people, interests, beliefes etc. have made her the person you held so dear. So instead of trying to rationalize with flaws, try to identify not her as a person but exactly what you found appealing. It will be easier to see these qualities in different people down the line. Because you will meet other females. Apply what you learned on trp, hold your frame and next thing you know will you have made great progress as a man.

[–]top_footballer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's advice like this (taking into account the nuance of a particular relationship) that's like finding a gemstone on a dirt track. Wise words.

[–]AncientDragons 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Oneitis is a temporary condition and it usually involves putting a woman on a pedestal and artificially inflating her worth over your own in your mind. That isn't healthy.

And yet, my father has been with my mother for 48 years and I'm sure he couldn't imagine being with anyone else, nor she imagine anyone else. And they have a great relationship. Sometimes you can find one person and decide that you want them and nobody else, and you can make it work. It ain't easy but it is possible. They are living proof and they have had a very happy marriage and are still quite happy together.

[–]meaningintragedy 2 points3 points  (4 children)

I am shit outta luck because I objectively think I won't find better than my ex. She was such a sweet girl and smart too, and she had that perfectly perfect body. Unfortunately I became so beta she left me.

I don't let this poison my life. In fact, my life now is objectively much better than when I was with her (thanks to TRP), but I miss her every day.

Edit: when it comes to aging, that bitch has such good genetics and takes care of herself so much I think she'll hit the wall much later than your average woman.

[–]Senior ContributorSkorchZang 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Had one of those in my wacky lifestory too. Her, a perfect little doll, quick wits, fierce independence. Had such a connection with her it was almost telepathy on a good day.

Nope, every relationshit has an expiry date. Even uncanny awesome ones like that. You learn to smile about it because it actually happened, like an accomplishment of yours... as in "I did actually graduate from that class with pretty good honours"...rather than being sad that it's over all now. That's being sad from hidden expectations that it would last forever, which nothing in this world does.

Don't sell yourself short, just as meeting this girl was probably pretty random in the first place, so too it's good to be more open to the completely unpredictable nature of the new women you'll be meeting plus the kind of chemistry that happens between you and them has several possible variations to it. Helps brighten up what could otherwise become a dreary experience.

[–]meaningintragedy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the useful insight.

[–]corneliucodreanu 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I am shit outta luck because I objectively think I won't find better than my ex. She was such a sweet girl and smart too, and she had that perfectly perfect body. Unfortunately I became so beta she left me.

Nice case of oneitis you got going there.

[–]imbeciI 2 points3 points  (0 children)

but I miss her every day

Your turn ended. Let this become a fact, buried deep in your mind.

[–]mossdoggg 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this post dude. I can relate big time to this and this has been a great reminder. Thank you

[–]TaylorWolf 1 point2 points  (3 children)

If you have oneitis for a girl based on just her looks this is 100% applicable.

But what about shared interests? What if she is the coolest chick that enjoys the same hobby as you and seems 100% dedicated? For my case there is a girl in my martial arts gym that just seems perfect for my interests and passions. If she stays the way she is she is going to be an even better version of herself. There are awesome women in their 50s who compete in martial arts tournaments

[–]Endorsed Contributormallardcove[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)


The "cool chick" is only that way as a sexual strategy.

[–]stoicsoul87 4 points5 points  (1 child)

There are millions of women, there's just one of you. Don't transfer the burden of your happiness and fulfillment onto another individual.

It's a fantasy we build in our minds that "if only I was with this person." Nothing will be different.

I had a six month oneitis for a girl who later out of the blue showed interest in me and I was ecstatic. But dating her was nothing like I had in my mind. She was just like every other fuck who ever drew breath. We ascribe potentials to hypothetical situations which have nothing to do with reality.

You have interests? Great! Pursue them.

[–]TaylorWolf 2 points3 points  (0 children)

True lol I spend so much time in the gym it's only natural to gravitate towards the chicks I see on the daily.

Also true that I have no idea what dating her would be like. She could be a monster

[–]grandaddychimp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, my oneitis ex went from an HB8 at age 24 to an HB6 at age 30.

[–]everyone_wins 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can't even imagine oneitis anymore. Sure I have ex girlfriends that I wonder "what might have been" about, but I've had so many great girlfriends that I know I can find another. Realizing abundance is the key to overcoming oneitis.

[–]Top_Brazzler 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're right. It feels great knowing that the wall is your ultimate revenge ally. Just letting a girl hit the wall ruins her. You can just sit back and let the wall wreak havoc all over a girl's face and body.

[–]TheEconomist777 1 point2 points  (1 child)



[–]liftweights 0 points1 point  (0 children)

time. it withers us all away into dust.

[–]1PantsonFire1234 1 point2 points  (0 children)

All the girls I knew since high school and college when I was a late teenager are all nearing the wall now. It's bizar since when we were young I was just a kid really. White men generally develop slower but longer and in my immediate surroundings its as if I'm the only one still growing and maturing physically, not to speak mentally and life in general. This slow but long breath has shown me two sides of the coin.

What OP says is truth, you will be shocked at the disparity between you and the women you met years ago. If you are lucky the same will hold true for all the guys you met. But the idea of revenge for your oneitis or the fantasy of rejecting the girls who weren't much interested in you when you were young is false.

I can be considered pretty lucky in the genetics department and I developed a certain way to carry myself. Perhaps it's all in my head and it's just the SMV spike but women just automatically respond to me, smile, touch, submissive dilated pupils when they look up etc. And allot of the girls I knew before have changed their attitudes. But it has been nothing but a burden for me, you can see it coming when a girl starts to crush on you and there's nothing you can do to stop her. All you can hope is that she loses interest quickly and doesn't try to make a move herself.

Telling these girls no just feels empty. Either I accept I just want to pump and dump them and deal with the fallout since I have no interest in them as a person or I have to openly reject them completely if they aren't sexually appealing either. The first time I had to do this to a girl who I knew from my youth I felt awkward as hell. Not for myself but for her.

The biggest pay off from a growing SMV is that you get to meet a higher class of girl who you truly enjoy either sexually or emotionally or both. These are fresh experiences that are generally fun and make it seem worthwhile. But to the women you knew when your social standing was lower, you appear as a lottery ticket ready to be cashed. Generally they are the types that were around your old SMV but either lacked the self awareness to asses their on value or they were slightly higher and could date an older guy who had already made something off himself, to an extend. The rise in your SMV, the lowering of theirs and the general effects of time start to accumulate and it just becomes a home run. But you're swinging against a minor league pitcher and the entire defense is crap. The victory feels hollow. Eventually you just put down your gloves and leave for the dugout, there's no fun in winning anymore.

So even though what OP says is true, don't expect to feel better from it. In actuality you will far more likely feel annoyed at the mediocrity of others or frustrated about the skewed synchronicity of your lives.

"And when Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept for there were no more worlds to conquer."

[–]Andgelyo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fucking love these kind of posts on TRP, I feel like we're all emotionless soldiers in a hyper-masculine army with posts like these desensitizing us from femininity and weak emotions.

[–]SHITPISSFARTBARF 0 points1 point  (1 child)

My oneitis from ten years ago is now a post-wall assistant art director at a feminist collective. She makes shit for money, lives with room mates despite being in her late 30's, and just isn't oneitis material anymore.

[–]asianincel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

golden zealot these guys are fuck heads aren't they

[–]JFMX1996 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ahh, good old, youngster infatuation.

I remember being 19 and depressed as fuck over some Italian girl with a huge ass nose. At the time, I had a huge scarcity mentality, and believed this girl was some special little unicorn.

I was like, "Oh wow, a conservative girl that plays guitar and likes to lift weights, I'll never find a girl like that again..."

In reality, they're more common than ever now. I just didn't want to see it at the time.

A good step would be to get rid of them on social media, or better yet, take a break from social media for a while as well. Blocking the girl will give you some relief, as you won't be checking up on her all the time and she can't like your posts to remind you of her existence. Then taking a break from social media will prevent you from constantly looking at her or other girls to distract you from her and have you yearning for some kind of lover. It'll give you a while to just focus on yourself and your goals of self-improvement for a bit. When you come back on and look at her posts, you realize a lot of the delusions you had of her when you were completely infatuated. Looking at her objectively again, you'll see you were hung up on a sub-par girl with a lot of weird issues.

Oh, speaking of which, I'd definitely read up on psychology. Learning what narcissism is, solipsism, and somatic narcissists and all the forms of manipulation make you realize how many red flags the girl had and further disregard her as you see how fucked up she was.

I know it's not easy, it's tough at first. You carry on and you move on and you feel happier as you invest in yourself and realize that they aren't shit for a high quality guy that you're becoming.

Stay strong.