So these past few days I've noticed some posts on the front page discussing aspects of sociability, how to have good conversations and how to be a friendly person in general. I've been meaning to write my own post on the topic for a while now, and recently I've had some experiences that warrant being discussed and some lessons I've learnt that warrant being shared. I'll warn you now, this post will not be short, but it will be full of a lot of information, a lot that I haven't seen being discussed before and a lot of new terms or ideas that I think will help a lot of you guys reading the sub.
We all have Social Anxiety
I used to be a loser. To a huge extent. I had a hard time making friends, and the ones I did make I couldn't keep around. I'd panic in social situations and clam up. I wouldn't know what to say. People would scare me, the ease at which they could communicate with each other and effortlessly talk and befriend one another astounded me. I didn't get how they did it. I had a lot of anxiety and low self worth, and sometimes I was just plain awkward or aggravating around people. I've been ghosted and ostracised from groups before, or gone to parties and stood in the corner not knowing how to connect with anyone.
I'm sure many, many of you guys can relate.
For a long time I thought this was how I was going to be forever, thought I was borderline autistic and was destined for a life of introverted loneliness.
Fast forward four years, TRP and many lays later, and I'm the biggest sweet-talking, shit talking, social Chad I know. I can make friends very easily, with strangers or large groups. I can cold open anyone and be in a deep conversation within 10 minutes. I can meet people on nights out, and reconnect with them later on, forming strong friendships and bonds. I am "that guy" that everybody knows.
How did I do it?
Naturals had to learn too
Being social is a skill, a skill that must be learnt, practised and honed. It is an act that must be developed and perfected, and moulded to suit your personality.
"Naturals" do not exist. No one was born understanding social dynamics. No one was born a social Chad. Get that idea out of your head. Thinking this way is a buffer to explain away your own shortcomings and avoid the hard work it takes to learn these skills.
These "Naturals" that you see who can charm a whole group no problem? They learned how to do this... just a long time ago. A lot of them learned it during middle school, or high school... they learned early on how people work and what it takes to be like-able, they were exposed to more friendships and groups early on and honed their skills through trial and error over the years, and yes, they've made plenty of mistakes and had foot-in-mouth moments too.
They learnt how to be this way, and so can you, it's not too late. You just need to be taught the skills and techniques that naturals "just get" and put them into practice, and eventually, you will internalise these skills effortlessly and you'll be a "natural" too. These are skills that you will pick up simply from getting yourself out there and embarrassing yourself.
It's true, you have to be willing to fuck up. If you are not willing to ever be bad at something, you will never reach the point of ever being good at it. This is the same for all skills in life. If you could just try something and be great at it straight away, well I'm jealous dude, because that makes you superhuman. Every single person, whether they were a singer, or a swimmer or a salesman, was horrible at their skill for a long time before they ever got some proficiency.
So yes, you need to get out there and actually TRY and be sociable, and you wll fuck up and that's okay. It's a natural process of growing and learning.
"But isn't it autistic to have to take tips and tricks from a dude on a forum to learn how to make friends?"
I can hear the bloopers shrieking on their subreddit already.
Women have a lot of trouble taking social interactions and breaking them down into digestible, discrete lines of thought. For a lot of women (who have high emotional intelligence) they "just get it". A lot of naturals "just get it" too. The problem is, they can never really explain what "it" is.
As men, we LOVE to construct methods and theories and find the hard truth of reality, so for a lot of us, the only way we can get "it" is to find out what "it" really is. To break reality down into distinct phenomena and find the patterns and relationships is a masculine endeavour, we love that shit and we're very good at it. It's what got us science and engineering and the theory of music.... and it can 100% be applied to sexual and social dynamics as well.
In fact, that's why TRP has done so well the past few years. We break down sexual dynamics into a male-orientated mindset, we find the patterns and methods and theory behind something that a lot of women "just get". That's why the landwhales over on their subreddits like to call us autistic neckbeards because we "analyse things too much".
Well girls, our "over-analysing" is what gave you science and civilisation... and it's created a community of men who have started to understand the mechanisms of sexual dynamics far better than you can.
So in the next post on this topic, I'm going to give you hard broken down, employable methods for being social and making friends. Methods that can be understood easily and employed straight away. Nothing wishy-washy, no bullshit, real hard techniques.
But first, we need to touch on how this will change your life.
Last year, I saw a dude in one of my new classes. He was very tall, very jacked and emanated Chad at all levels. He was also on his own and had serious resting bitch face. I took my chance.
"Hi, my names Heathcliff"
He looked at me like I was bothering him. "Hi, I'm Chad"
"You taking this class?" (Stupid question I know)
"Yeah, but I'm really bad with Pharmacology, too many drug names to remember and shit"
His face lit up, "I know right, how do they expect us to have to learn all these?".
And bam, from there it was easy. Chad was actually a really nice guy, he could bench my deadlift and went rock-climbing twice a week. We sat next to each other in class every day.
Chad took me bouldering at the local wall once. From there I was hooked. 1 year and 10kg of muscle gained later, it's become one of my favourite hobbies.
The girls at the climbing walls are literal smokeshows, and easy to open. I've banged three girls I met from the wall alone. I've also made a lot of friends simply from being at the wall consistently.
ClimbingChad taught me how to deadlift better, he spotted me when I was attempting 1RMaxes.
ClimbingChad and I had a close relationship on campus, and we slowly attracted more and more people, including a lot of cute girls, to hang out with us.
By the end of the year, we had a group. We had a squad of people that would hang out in class and outside of it.
Now imagine that first interaction had never happened. Imagine if I never had the balls to just talk to a random stranger. My whole life would have been different. I'd be significantly weaker, less jacked, fewer friends, lower n-count, and less one incredibly important hobby that I now hold dear.
All that because I'd gone up to a stranger and had a friendly chat with him.
It's why we're top of the food chain
Networking and connecting with people is incredibly important because the people you know are the most important determiners of your life direction.
There is no better influence on who you're going to be and where you're going to end up in life than the people you know and the connections you make. Networking is vital and the difference between a successful man and a mediocre man is the charisma and social strength the successful man has in finding and manipulating new people and friends.
There is literally no downside to knowing lots of people. The more people you know, the better your life will be. Period. You have a greater resource pool to draw from, and vastly more potential experiences.
It's very important to make new friends and acquaintances with everyone you meet, you never know where it will take you or what you can get out of them (or mutually do for each other). You never know how significantly your life will change just from having the balls to talk to strangers and put yourself out there. And for every laugh and rejection and embarrassing moment you get, (and they will happen) you will have 20 more life-changing interactions.
A few years ago, I was at a comic-con with my friends. Wondering about alone, I spot a cute girl sitting on a couch by herself. She was on the phone to her mother and was complaining about how bored she was and how she was surrounded by nerds. I sit by her for a bit, wondering if I should talk to her, hamstering myself into paralysis and finding excuses for why I shouldn't bother her. She puts her phone down and lets out a big huff, then glances at me.
Shit, there's my chance.
"You look really bored" I say. (Wow what an opener, genius....)
She gives me a big smile. "Yeah, my brother has Aspergers and my mum made me take him here but he's gone off without me and I can't find him"
"Um, I'm sure he'll turn up.... this place isn't that bad though there's plenty of stuff to do, I'll show you around".
She bounces up with a big grin. "Sure!".
A couple of weeks later I'm balls deep in this girls throat while her boyfriend is blowing up her phone next to us.
This girl was a massive weed addict. Whenever we hung out we'd smoke all the time, 4-5 grams a day easily. One time I didn't have weed and she freaked the fuck out... had a full on anxiety attack and stormed out of my house and started going around asking all the black guys in the neighbourhood for a plug. Over time I realised this girl was batshit insane, and eventually dropped her. But she left me with a pretty crippling weed addiction and I took the "hobby" too seriously for a long time.
A few months later I decide to go to Amsterdam with my then-girlfriend, to try out some good weed of course. While there, I took around 5grams of dried psilocybin mushrooms and my life changed entirely. No exaggeration at all. That first trip fucked me up so good I was never the same again, and from there I slowly went on a path of fixing myself and improving until I got to where I am now; significantly healthier, significantly more mature, much better relationships with drugs and the people around me, and a more wholesome person all round. I would not be here writing this had it not been for psychedelics.
And this entirely because I'd taken the chance I'd been presented with and didn't fuck it up. Entirely because in that moment, I'd had the balls to talk to a cute girl I was intimidated by. In a parallel universe my hamster might have won and I would have pussied out and never spoken to that girl, and I have no idea where I'd be now. Probably entirely worse off.
Lastly, before we start on the methods section of this post, I want to stress the importance of Social Game in helping you get laid.
In fact, I think there is no better game at all than Social Game. All the cold-approaches and Tinder bios and lifting in the world won't get you as much pussy as actually 1) having the ability to effortlessly talk and charm people and 2) having a large group of friends and social circle with women in it.
Social Circle game is how most people meet each other and fuck each other. Bar approaches and daytime approaches do happen and they can be successful, but you will always have it easier if you meet people through a large group of friends that you are part, it also helps immensely with Night Game.
Not only do you have massive amounts of Social Proof and Pre-Selection you also have access to lots of different women that you can easily meet, who won't treat you as a potential threat and are already comfortable with your presence. Women in bars who see you walking in or hanging out with a mixed group of friends will respect you much more, and will want to be part of the vibrant group energy, making it significantly easier to game them. Women who see that other people like you and you have lots of friends will instantly think of you better. Remember, a girl needs to consider you safe and secure in order to want to fuck you, and seeing that other people like you is enough to check her box.
In my next post, I'm going to give you all some hard-methods in achieving Social-Butterfly status and a field report on how I recently employed these techniques. I won't write them in this post as this has already been pretty long and I know from experience that the longer the wall of text the less likely people are to read the whole thing and instead just skim, and I honestly think this information is so important for the community that I'd like a lot of the newbies to read it. Pick-Up Game has been done to death and we all know how it works, but Social Game is a bit of a harder topic to tackle and I'm going to give it a shot.
Watch out for the next post coming straight after this one which will detail methods and lessons in social interactions.
Being Social is Skill that needs to be learned and practised
"Naturals" are just people who honed their skills earlier than most
There are definite methods and techniques that you can use to improve your social game (will be discussed in the next post)
It's okay to fuck up, it happens to all of us. You'll never improve if you don't
Men are very good at recognising patterns and methods for success in all phenomena
Talking to people and making new friends will have HUGE effects on your personal life
Getting laid is much easier when you have a large group of friends, a large pool of women to meet and the ability to effortlessly find more