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How to be a Social Butterfly [Part 2: Methods] (self.askTRP)

submitted by Heathcliff--

So I'm back with part 2 of my post: How to be a Social Butterfly. Apologies for the wait, this is actually the third draft of this particular section, as I wasn't happy with the length and waffle of my previous two versions, so I rewrote it entirely.

If you haven't read part 1 yet, I strongly suggest you do, it should be somewhere in my post history. Part 1 gives reasons and justifications for why learning good Social Game is vital for your development as an adult and your life success. I outline the reasons for why being sociable and friendly is important, and the mindset needed to learn how to become a naturally gifted people-person.

In this part of the post, I will give you some real methods and techniques that you can employ in your own life and practice every day. These methods of socialising are things that I've picked up over the past few years, things that I've observed in "naturals" and had to teach myself, and things I've stumbled upon by accident that worked really well.

A lot of "naturals" intuitively know to do these things as they picked them up when they were younger and have internalised them into their character. Us, being the betas that we were, were never taught or were given the opportunity to learn these things, hence the social anxiety and awkwardness around strangers or groups. Once you employ these methods a few times and get the hang of them you will quickly internalise them just like the naturals did, and to the outside observer, you will be a natural too.

So without further ado, let's begin.


Method 1: Play a Character


Now this is probably the most important lesson I learnt during the past few years of self improvement and learning to socialise.

You know when you're meeting a salesman for the first time, or a new boss, or a sociable Chad, and you notice there's something quite... off about the way they are speaking to you.

They have a sort of disingenuous tone to the way they act and speak, it can sometimes sound quite condescending, like you're being spoken down to. It may even seem a bit fake, a bit phoney, you may feel like this person doesn't really behave this way, but they are putting on an act just for you.

I noticed this a lot, especially around the most friendly and sociable people that I came across, the guys and girls everybody liked and who could carry a conversation well. They didn't seem like themselves, instead, it seemed like they were putting on a super friendly facade in order to facilitate an easy first meeting and make things go smoother.

Over time, I befriended some of these people and became close friends with them, and I slowly noticed the facade drop and the real person come through. Normally these real versions of the person were much more genuine, relaxed and serious, and they were often very strong-willed and disciplined people.

Yet when we as a group would meet other strangers, or game girls, or work together in a professional environment, the act would spring back up again. It was kind of weird for me, like watching a schizo switch between different personalities.

Yet this phoney act worked wonders for the networking and socialisation ability of these people, it would allow them to dominate the conversation, appear very confident and likeable and have the whole group eating out of their hands.

I tried it one day. I began speaking to new people and strangers and putting on a whole new persona, a much more energetic and lively persona. I wasn't myself at all, I was playing a character, a kind of super-friendly, fake, incredibly forward character. I would fake a lot of interest in what people were saying, I would smile and laugh too loudly at simple things, to make the other person feel at ease and liked, I would treat new people as if we were best friends.

And it worked perfectly.

It was like night and day. Noticing how people responded to me was very eye-opening. This "character" that I was playing was not me, I don't normally behave so disingenuously or up-front as that, but when I employed this persona, people were much more respectful around me, wanted to be around me more, and were quick to re-connect later. The fake-confidence and high energy would attract people to me and it would spread throughout the group. People would feel much more relaxed knowing I was socially capable and could lead the group and take the reigns. Keeping conversations going would be very easy with a lot of feigned interest (I couldn't give two shits about your parents house in Lagos, but I'll keep asking you questions about it to make you feel like you're worth something).

After seeing how well this worked for me, this "fake" me, I started using it everywhere, especially in business and professional contexts. It seems to me everyone in business speaks like this, especially salesmen, they all use this very strong- disingenuous form of powertalk. Ever seen Peep Show? Mark's boss Johnson is a prime example of the scary levels of fake likeability you can achieve with this method.

Out of all the techniques I'm going to teach you, this one has been the most important for me to learn, and the most conducive to my healthy social life. Of course, with close friends I no longer need to hold it up and I let it slip away, but when meeting new people this fake character, this fake hyperconfidence will go a long way in making connections and impressing others.

Next time you go out and meet people, try and spot which people you meet are being genuine with their outside personas and which are playing a character. You will quickly spot there are two types of people, those who are honest and upfront in public and those who are disingenuous and "fake". Now notice what kinds of people employ these methods, you'll soon realise the "honest" and "normal" people are normally quite awkard, beta or shy; while these people who put on a different front when out in the real world are always the "winners", the bosses or leaders or coaches or team captains. It's a trend I've definitely picked up on. Yes there are exceptions and you will always get that smart, genuine honest alpha that everybody likes (before you all sperg in the comments), but let's be honest, those kinds are cut from a different cloth and we can't really hope to match them, they are "natural alphas" and learned how to be perfect men a long time ago when they were kids. You however, are still struggling to talk to people at parties, so you'll never reach that level of DGAF contentedness until you first go through the intermediate step of faking a persona in order to learn how to game and influence people. The whole world does it, so there's nothing to be ashamed of in trying it.

EXERCISE 1: Your first exercise is not to create your own fake persona, that will come later. All I want you to do now is to go out and try and notice it in others, that's the first step, and knowing is half the battle. Afterwards you can start copying these people and emulating their techniques, but for now, just observe.


Method 2: Restricted Exposure


There's a technique in pick-up where you're supposed to open a girl, talk to her for a while, and bounce almost immediately after. You are busy, you are important, you have shit to do, you have people waiting for you, you don't really care about her all that much and she's cutting into your time.

Start using this technique for everyone you meet.

Whenever I meet a new person, whether it be at work or at a nightclub, I'll have a polite first conversation with them, and then I'll find an excuse to leave a few minutes later, even if I don't actually have to be anywhere.

The importance of this is to show people that your time is valuable. If you stick around too long and cling onto a girl or person you've just met, they can't help but think of you as a bit of a dork. "Doesn't he have better things to do?" they think. "Why is he still here, we just met..."

This is especially important if you've just been invited into or met a new group of people. Never stick around too long lest they think you are a scrape.

People want to be friends with cool guys. No one wants to befriend a loser. If you give people any reason to think you're a loser, they will quite rightly become allergic to you. If you show people that you don't really have much shit going on outside of this interaction, they will quite rightly place themselves above you.

The easiest way to get people to like you is to appear cooler than them. Everyone wants to be friends with the cool guy. If people naturally look up to you, if they think you are alpha, if they see you can lead, people will cling to you like molluscs. Everyone wants a piece of that pie.

In order to do this, you must always restrict the time you spend with people you first meet. Never let the conversation stray into awkward territory. Appear busy. Make them feel like they are cutting into your valuable time. Make them feel like you are tolerating their presence. Be the one to cut off the conversation and leave first.

I unconsciously follow a mathematical formula with the amount of time I spend with new-people or girls. If I'm first introduced to someone, I never let myself spend more than 2-5 minutes introducing myself and getting to know them, or trading details if need be. If we call this time (t), next time I meet them I'll aim for no longer than 2(t), the time after 4(t) and so on, until it's possible to hang out with them for longer periods of time and we're comfortable with each other. This allows gradual exposure to the participant, allows you to vet them over time and get to know them easier, stops you getting too close so that a cut-out is easy if necessary, and makes them feel like you are in charge of all interactions (which you are).

Exercise 2: Next time you meet a new person or group of people, check your watch. Try to spend no longer than 2 minutes, and then find an excuse to leave. If you know you will catch them later (you work with them, they're on your campus), leave with nothing. If you're not going to meet them later, tell them you're "in a rush and it's a shame because they seem cool and it would be great to hang out more," then ask for their phone and call yourself on their phone. (This way you both have each others numbers, and it's quicker than faffing around with typing in contact details and shit. Especially important with women as they never call/text first).


Method 3: Dominance


Leading on from the last two points, I want to stress the importance of appearing important in making friends. As I said in the last section, people only really want to be friends with those they deem on their level or above. If they look down on you, there's no chance. If however, they feel like you're looking down on them somehow, they will vie for your attention in order to prove to themselves they're worthy.

So appearing important and busy is a key component in doing this. You're at a bar, you open a group of girls, you don't stick around too long, you leave them early and you make them wonder why you didn't seem to give a shit about them and left. You bump into them later and they're cling to you like you're their pimp.

You see your friend talking to someone you don't know, you decide to Link (more on this later). You barge into their conversation and shoot the shit with your friend for a while, completely ignoring the other guy and making him stand there awkwardly in silence. You cut him out of the conversation while talking to your friend, until you say "so are you going to introduce me?". You exchange names, and then go back to talking to your buddy as if you didn't really care in the first place.

I know it sounds rude, and well, it kind of is. But the next time you see this new guy, he'll be at your feet willing to talk to you. He will have pedestalised you into the rude but cool guy, and he will be much more willing to be open and friendly with you.

On that note actually, don't be afraid to interrupt or barge into conversations uninvited, especially if you have the confidence to pull it off. People will not call you out and the dominance shown will instantly elevate you to near the top of the group where people will be thinking "who does this guy think he is?" but will be intimidated and impressed anyway.

If you have the option between being polite but awkward (for example, standing outside the group waiting for a lull in the conversation for chance to say something) or aggressive and rude, always pick the more dominant. Sure it will backfire sometimes, but most of the time it will work better than you expect.

Exercise 3: Interrupt a random conversation, just to see the effects. Two people chatting on the street? "Hey do you have the time?. "Hey do you know where this place is?" "Hey do you have a lighter?". Really just barge in there mid-sentence. Do it a few times. Watch peoples reactions, and in-fact watch the way you carry yourself during and after, you'll notice you're way more confident and open. Why is that?


Method 4: Mindset shift ----> People are friendlier than you think


Most of us come from a place of betadom and social-anxiety. People seem scary to us, especially strangers. You see everyone's serious, walled off faces and expressions and you imagine them as way more important and busy than they actually are. They intimidate you.

Have you tried actually speaking to any of these people out of the blue before? Their face instantly morphs, suddenly smiles and soft tone.

The vast majority of people are much nicer and friendlier in public than you'd imagine. Contrary to what you might think, there are still manners in the world and politeness still exists.

If you're just trying to be sociable in the queue of a nightclub, or at a bar, or at a college club or even just out in public, having the confidence to approach people is often more than enough to set up a friendly interaction. People will more often than not respond extremely positively. Most people love meeting new people, especially the kind of friendly stranger who will randomly talk to them out of the blue.

Just think about it, you probably have a pretty bad resting bitch face, but would you chimp-out if a random stranger started talking to you at the bus stop? You might be a bit awkward at first but after a while it would be chill, and much easier still if the other person was a good conversationalist and knew how to keep the conversation going despite your initial apprehension.

You can be that guy. It's not hard at all.

Exercise 4: You've been told to do this one a thousand times before, but have you actually done it yet? Talk to 10 strangers, about anything. If you're still scared of women, start off with men only and work your way towards women once you're a bit more confident. Just practice cold opening random people and judging their reactions, I promise you they won't be too bad at all.


Method 5: Linking


This is a technique I've found to help me tremendously in opening new people and having some sort of plausibly deniable excuse in talking to those I've never met before.

The best way to really meet new people is to LINK to them through people you already know. Now this might be obvious but it needs a bit of explaining. In this case, an example might work better.

I was on holiday recently and went to a bar by myself. I knew no one there, and most of the people at the bar didn't speak English, in fact most were French. However, I managed to scope out a fat English girl who was talking to some French people. I opened her and we hit it off, we'll call her A. A introduced me to her much hotter (and drunker) friend B. A and B mentioned to me a French guy that B was fucking, C, and when C arrived we all went to speak to him and I introduced myself. Afterwards, I bailed (restricted exposure), went to get a drink, and awkwardly went to dance by myself for a bit. I go outside to the smoking area and C is having a cig with some french people, I barge in and interrupt the conversation and act like C and I are already great friends. C introduces me to D,E,F and G but their English wasn't too good (I can't speak French at all so no fault on them). I chat with them all for a while, and tell them I'll meet them inside as I go off to dance with A and B. They all eventually come to the dancefloor and I dance with their group as if I'm already part of the family and they're very receptive, A and B jealously looking on.

Outside in the smoking area I see F getting gamed by a group of guys. I go up to her and put my arm around her and introduce myself to the guys, H, I, J. I ask one of them for a cig and he obliges, then tell F to get back inside as her friends are waiting for her, and slap her on the ass to make her leave. She laughs and goes inside. I talk to these new guys for a while, say "she's a real fine one isn't she", "oh she's not mine you can try your luck I'm not going there".

I really hit it off with these new guys and we do a few shots together and eventually on the dancefloor our new group spans A-J. In fact, some of my new buds pulled girls from the original group, and later on in the week I saw some of the guys I connected that night hanging out as friends. It's actually quite heart-warming to see connectons being made and knowing you were the spark that caused it.

By the end of the night, we had a nice large, fun group that I'd pretty much built from scratch. I'd arrived alone and left with 10 other people and a girl on my arm.

The technique I employed here I've named Linking. If you see someone you know talking to someone you don't know, you must jump on that opportunity straight away and use them as the bridge to form a new connection. People are much friendlier to strangers if those strangers are already vouched for by people they know. You'll have a much easier time forming new bonds and relationships if you use people you already know as tools to facilitate this. And, like nuclear fission reaction, Linking will exponentially increase the number of people you meet and befriend.

Exercise 5: Next time you see someone you know hanging out with a stranger, even if you're just acquaintances, use that as an excuse to enter their bubble and have them introduce you. Stop thinking of this new person as "his friend" and start thinking of him as "our friend".

You will make a lot of new friends and network very well using this technique.


Method 6: Remembering Names


I've always had a lot of trouble remembering peoples names, and it can get quite embarrassing after a while. People are very rightly offended and you can come across incredibly rude. I'll give you some tips in how to remember names better.

  1. I realised after a while was that the reason I was forgetting peoples names was that I wasn't actually properly listening to them when they told me. I know it sounds stupid, because it was, but you probably do it too. Really focus and pay attention when someone tells you their name. I repeat it back to them and also for a split second close my eyes and repeat it in my head. Sounds dumb, but it works.
  2. Use their name a couple of times in the conversation instantly after, repeating it back to them and yourself. The more you say it, the more you associate it with their face and the more ingrained it becomes.
  3. This one is important. If you forget someones name that you only met a few minutes/hours/days ago, be honest and upfront and tell them this straight away. If you do not do this and instead are too awkward to say anything, you are only making it worse for yourself in the long run. This person assumes you know their name so if you have been hanging out with them for a while eventually a situation will come up where you will have to reveal you forgot it and you will look like a massive twat. The longer you leave it because you're dumb and awkward, the more awkward you make it for yourself later, exponentially. People will forgive you the first few times you forget their name, so be straight up about it then; people will not forgive you if you reveal you still don't know their name after hanging out for a week. This has happened to me too many times before and I still cringe about it, now I am blatantly upfront about forgetting and make a huge effort to remember names first time, it's respectful and people like you much better.

Method 7: Make people talk about themselves


Mentioned a million times on this subreddit and it's very good advice, but I'm going to bring it up again for those that have missed it.

People love to speak about themselves. We're all raging narcissists and love to show off about our families and vacations and hobbies.

If you're having a conversation with someone, let them do all the talking. Just ask them questions every now and then as if you were interviewing them and watch as they waffle on and on once they're comfortable with you. Soon, you will be like a best friend to them. They will feel like they had the best conversation ever when really you might have contributed no more than 10%.

Exercise 7: Next time you talk to a stranger, grill them like t's 20 questions and find out their whole life story. Say nothing about yourself whatsoever.


Method 8: Outcome Independence


Again, this has been done to death here but I think it bears repeating for the context of this post.

You will have a much easier time on nights out or at bars if you stop trying to get laid.

People can smell the desperation on you, especially women. You will have a hard time coming across as likeable if others can sense a hidden agenda behind your actions.

Your nights will be much easier if you stop focusing on the outcome of your night. The more you try to get laid, the harder it will really be for you. Instead, start seeing your night as just a time to fuck around and have fun for a while, with sex at the end being an added, but rare, bonus.

Have you ever been on a night out with buds and tried your hardest to pull some gash but failed miserably? You felt like a right loser at the end didn't you? Shittest feeling ever, like you wasted all your time and money only to be told you're unattractive and not good enough.

Now imagine you had left that goal out of your mind, you'd no longer feel that way in the end. Imagine anticipating and accepting failure and how your actions would change in that light.

When I used to go out with the express purpose of getting laid, or even when I'd bump into a pretty girl during the day, I'd focus way to hard on what I said and how I acted, thinking "I better do this one properly, cos this girl is hot and I really want her, so I can't fuck this up".

The result would be that I was too awkward and nervous and took the interaction way too seriously, and I crashed and burned each time.

Eventually I started telling myself "Tonight, I'm not going to get laid. That's not what I'm here for. I will go home empty handed and sleep alone tonight".

So when speaking to a girl "Well, I'm not going to fuck this broad... I'll probably never see her again in my life.... so who gives a fuck how I behave".

Bam. Instantly more confident, at ease and attractive.

The nights where I stopped trying to fuck women were the best nights of my life. They were incredibly fun and I met a lot of cool new people.

It's also important for meeting guys and stopping yourself getting cockblocked that you do not hit on the women in their group. In fact, I straight up ignore women for the first few hours of the night. I speak to the guys and barely even acknowledge the women are there. This works in multiple different ways

  1. makes everyone easier around you as they know your intentions, you're there to have fun, not fuck the girls
  2. men are very defensive of their women, especially in large groups. If you want a chance with these women later on in the night, you need to befriend the guys first and make them not see you as a threat.
  3. women will only fuck you if they think you're safe and they feel comfortable around you. Showing that you have the acceptance of the rest of the group, especially the Chads, will go a long way in helping you game them at the end of the night

Exercise 8: Next time you go out to a bar or club or anywhere where you used to try and pick up girls, make a promise to yourself. "Tonight, I'm not getting laid. I'm going home alone." Watch as the whole night changes.


Method 9: Bartender Game


Another one for night game, I won't go too deep into this though as I have a bit more to say on other topics still.

On the holiday I mentioned before, that bar that I first went to became a regular. On the first night I scoped out who the head bartender was and I made sure to tip him well each time and develop a rapport. It got to the point where he would prioritise me over others waiting and knew my regular drink each time, because I always tipped him and shot the shit; it wasn't much, but it was consistent.

Once you're friends with the bartender, magical shit happens. You ever been with a girl waiting at the bar and the bartender skips all the other shmucks and hits you up straight away with a quick fist bump and your regular drink? She looks at you like you're Usher for some reason.

There was one night where the dude definitely got me laid. I'd offered to by a group of girls some shots. (I know what the comments will be already, REEEEEE, DON'T BUY WOMEN DRINKS. There's a time and place for everything friends, and if you have the cash, spending it wisely at opportune moments will get you very, very far. There's a difference between allowing yourself to get gamed by a bitch out of a free drink and buying a girl booze in order to get her alone/score some credibility. Women LOVE to see you flash cash, you just have to do it tactically).

Anyway, I'm buying these girls some shots and I see the fat chick from earlier arguing with my favourite bartender over a cocktail she had bought. She had ordered the drink and didn't have the cash to pay but had started drinking it anyway. Things were getting heated so I offered to buy the drink for her, mainly just to show off to the girls I was with. The bartender says "You're a good guy. For you it's on the house" and told the fat girl to go away. He poured us all out double shots and the girls thought I was some kind of god.

Same concept can be said for the bouncer. Befriend your bouncer only a little bit, get on first name basis, tip him, give him cigarettes, and walking in with people will make you seem much cooler if you're tight with the establishment.

Exercise 9: Make friends with the establishment at your regular watering hole. One day, they will get you laid.


Method 10: Cigarette Game


This one will be controversial, so, if you don't agree, don't sperg out in the comments and make this post revolve around this one point, there's more important stuff here than just this, but this is something I haven't seen mentioned before and I think should be.

Cigarettes are very, very good at making you friends.

I am not a smoker, never have been. However, every time I go on a night out, I hit up the store beforehand and buy myself a packet of Cigarettes, and no lighter.

"Have you got a lighter" is the best opener in history.

You will make friends with a thousand different people this way. It's perfect plausible deniability, it opens the conversation up easily, it allows you to bond over something shared and it puts a time limit on the interaction.

Smoking is very social, even if it does kill your lungs. Smokers always get together and chat and naturally, they all befriend each other.

Another very, very important thing I learnt from carrying a pack of cigarettes with me at nightclubs and bars was that it gives you a perfect excuse to isolate a girl you're gaming.

Nightclubs are hypergamy on steroids. Once you're on the dancefloor there's no way you can employ any kind of real game, it's too loud to talk. You're restricted to just your physical characteristics; so the tall, ripped Chads are the only ones getting any.

Grabbing a girl's hand and saying "I'm going out for a cigarette, come join me" is the perfect excuse to get her alone, get her somewhere that you can actually talk openly, and see if she's actually ugly or retarded or not.

Plus, and I know it's dumb (but girls are dumb, we all know that): women are very attracted to men who smoke. For some reason, they think it's really cool. Don't ask me why, I think it's stupid, but women are children and they seem to think guys who smoke are badass and alpha.

I have had a lot of success isolating and gaming girls in the smoking area, as well as making friends over a shared cig.

I never smoke during the day and I always make sure to try and clean my lungs the day after (Wim Hof method and a 5k the morning after has kept them healthy for the past year).

Exercise 10 (OPTIONAL): Try taking a packet of cigarettes with you (and no lighter) next time you hit up a bar. Use it as a tool to connect with people and isolate girls


Method 11: Dancing


A lot of us here do not find dancing natural or enjoyable. That is normal. As men, especially men of this generation, dancing is not something that has been taught to us or been a significant part of our lives. We weren't raised where dancing was commonplace and we could all learn and enjoy it.

We are also quite reserved and un-expressive, which makes dancing, an act built around expressing yourself in movement, a very scary and uncomfortable thing for us.

Let's not also forget that the postmodernists and cultural marxists have killed off music and dancing for our generation to the point where we don't really dance properly or the way we used to before. Gone are the days where you could grab a girls hand and Jitterbug and both have a fun time and it could be cute but completely asexual. No, nowadays, at clubs and bars, dancing has no structure nor culture and we are reduced to the lowest form of dance, spazzing out alone on the floor and grinding up against each other when necessary.

(I'm convinced that if we're going to take back our culture from the postmodernists, not only must we take back control of music and make it less sexualised and more wholesome, we must also re-introduce asexual, couples and group dance as a cultural practice. Every other culture still has dance and it's a pivotal part, ours in the west has been murdered).

Anyway, if you're going to a bar or club, you need to be able to dance. It's pretty much imperative. There's no quicker way to kill a woman's boner than to be awkward and clammy on the dancefloor. You could be running perfect game on a girl but if you start to dance and you don't know what you're doing or you're too shy her panties will dry up instantly.

You do not want to be that guy who just stands there swaying side to side and looking around nervously. There is nothing more unattractive than low self-confidence and high self consciousness. Men who can dance are VERY attractive to women, and very intimidating to other men. You will get a lot of cred for just being confident enough to dance and will make a lot of easy friends. Plus, it's pretty much a meme at this point, but if you can dance well, you can fuck well. (I've found it's very true for women. Professional dancer girls I've fucked have been wild in the sheets)

I used to be a terrible dancer, in fact I still am. It's just not my jam really. I'd love to be able to learn a real dance like Swing or Salsa and I probably will sometime with my girlfriend, but at a nightclub where the songs consist of Jason Derulo telling girls to suck as much dick as possible, you gotta work with what you got.

Here are some tips I've picked up over the years.

  1. Buy a drink and hold it in your hand. This gives you an excuse to be a bit more rigid, and gives your arms something to do so you can focus on leg movement.
  2. Listen to the music and move along with it, use your feet to match the beat. Yeah the music is normally shit, but you can't change it, so just suck it up and try and enjoy it. There will normally be a few good songs.
  3. Just let go. Stop restricting your movement and thinking you look dumb. You look fine, hit that beat a bit harder and move a bit more vigorously and you'll look even better. You're better off dancing "too much" than dancing "too little"
  4. No one is really paying attention to you. They're all focused on themselves and wondering if they're looking stupid. People are too self conscious and self absorbed to scrutinise your actions.
  5. Women love dancing, let them take charge. Nowadays, you're better off just being okay at dancing and letting the girl do all the work. Women love to show off on the dancefloor, as long as you look okay and don't make her look bad, you're doing your job. Just let her strut her stuff and be her accessory.
  6. It's okay to look silly and dance badly. In fact, it's probably better. Just acting stupid and showing you don't give a fuck what people think can be very attractive to the girls around you. Yeah you can't dance and you admit it, why pretend, just fuck about anyway and clown it up. In fact, and this is true, I was pillow talking with a girl I pulled from a club and she said to me "Your dancing was so bad and you didn't care, it was hilarious, I loved it. You cutie".

Exercise 11: Next time you are at a dancing establishment, just let go. Let loose and look like an idiot for a bit. Observe how others treat you after.


Method 12: Trust your gut.


This will be my last one as a wrap up.

Some people you meet you will just click with, on the spot. You feel, in your gut, that this person is a good person and you will be close friends for a long time.

It's a phenomenon I used to experience but never really put much weight into, being a fedoralord science-abiding atheist and all.

Recently though, I've started questioning all aspects of reality. From the remote-viewing CIA releases, to DMT trips, to the world-elite and their satanic cult and ritual child sacrifice, to meme-magic being real, I'm not really sure what to believe anymore, and have started questioning everything.

I've always had gut-feelings but never really trusted them or had any reason to. I've been told by a lot of different people to always follow them, including on here, and now I've definitely come around to the idea that there is something we don't quite understand about human experience and consciousness that can influence and direct us on the right path.

Sometimes, you will meet someone and everything about them just seems right. They seem like the most genuine person you have met so far, and they seem like a long lost friend you have reconnected with.

When you trust your gut and befriend these people, you will find that often, they become lifelong friends.

I believed this before, and I believe it even more firmly now. Especially after reading this excerpt from Solzhenitsyn in The Gulag Archipelago, which I thought was so potent that it needed to be shared with you guys.

"I had not yet even heard the word “nasedka” — “stool pigeon” — nor learned that there had to be one such “stool pigeon” in each cell. And I had not yet had time to think things over and conclude that I did not like this fellow, Georgi Kramarenko. But a spiritual relay, a sensor relay, had clicked inside me, and it had closed him off from me for good and all. I would not bother to recall this event if it had been the only one of its kind. But soon, with astonishment, and alarm, I became aware of the work of this internal sensor relay as a constant, inborn trait. The years passed and I lay on the same bunks, marched in the same formations, and worked in the same work brigades with hundreds of others. And always that secret sensor relay, for whose creation I deserved not the least bit of credit, worked even before I remembered it was there, worked at the first sight of a human face and eyes, at the first sound of a voice — so that I opened my heart to that person either fully or just the width of a crack, or else shut myself off from him completely.

This was so consistently unfailing that all the efforts of the State Security officers to employ stool pigeons began to seem to me as insignificant as being pestered by gnats: After all, a person who has undertaken to be a traitor always betrays the fact in his face and in his voice, and even though some were more skilled in pretense, there was always something fishy about them. On the other hand, the sensor relay helped me distinguish those to whom I could from the very beginning of our acquaintance completely disclose my most precious depths and secrets — secrets for which heads roll. Thus it was that I got through eight years of imprisonment, three years of exile, and another six years of underground authorship, which were in no wise less dangerous. During all those seventeen years I recklessly revealed myself to dozens of people — and didn’t make a misstep even once. I have never read about this trait anywhere, and I mention it here for those interested in psychology. It seems to me that such spiritual sensors exist in many of us, but because we live in too technological and rational an age, we neglect this miracle and don’t allow it to develop."


Lessons Learned:

  1. Play a character, put on a facade, it is easier to connect with people if you are "fake at first".

  2. Restrict exposure to new people you meet. Connect slowly, appear busy and do not be too clingy.

  3. Become confident and dominant in social encounters. People will look up to you and respect you more.

  4. Accept that people are actually quite kind and most love to make new friends.

  5. Use people you know to "link" mutual other that you have yet to meet.

  6. Be respectful with peoples names, pay attention and try your hardest to remember them, and be honest and upfront when you have forgotten.

  7. Enter every interaction with outcome independence, don't focus on your intentions or the end goal, focus on the here and now.

  8. Make friends with the establishment at venues you frequent and you will get a lot of perks.

  9. Cigarettes can be very helpful in building a quick and easy social circle, and can be very useful when gaming women.

  10. Let go when you dance; it is better to take it too far and look stupid than it is to be awkward and nervous. Dancing is very important to the way people perceive you.

  11. Trust your gut.


[–]NotoriousTRP 37 points38 points  (4 children)

This shit is fire. Going to be a bunch of cocoons breaking open and butterflies flying free

edit: After reading it, can attest to some of these. Being extremely outgoing and as I like to call it, "acting like a douchebag" works great for meeting people and opening groups to make friends. I also agree with the concept of meeting with someone then disappearing shortly after/leaving making you look cool- but at the same time it's hard to bring yourself to do that if they seem interesting, and there should be wiggle room for people you have alot in common with (not girls necessary, just dudes).

Only thing I would advise against is cutting into conversations and blatantly ignoring people. Could easily threaten the persons friends and make them not want to interact with you- even flip the table and blatantly ignore you as a direct response. Once you're introduced to them, spend an extra couple seconds with "how'd you guys meet, how long you been friends, where do you go/from" .etc.- just real primal stuff... THEN turn it into a group convo before isolating your original friend (or leaving altogether). Now it's not just a name, but a story- so when you run into them later you have more to work with i.e. you see them with a group of girls "so are you guys from Cuckville like Gary?" .etc

I don't know if I can speak for everyone on here, but if someone comes up to a friend, blatantly ignores me, introduces, then blatantly ignores again, I'm not going to want to associate or talk to that person as they offer me nothing. It's ironic to say this but, if someone alphas you, you have to alpha them back- so be wary of making your first impression as a dink who offers you nothing

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

In OP's defense. The way I pictured this move playing out was a little more lenient. I imagined him meaning this:

  1. You acknowledge the new person's presence in a socially acceptable and kind way: but you are curt and low investment about it. Basically you give the exact barebones but socially acceptable minimum of interest and acknowledgment.

  2. The other person will now feel acknowledged, but will be placed at a disadvantage. They can't rightfully demand more attention than you've given them. And a lot of people would doubt themselves rather than place the blame on you. This proves OP's point: the other person now sees you as someone who requires respect and will feel like they need to "prove" themself to you to "earn" your attention. (Provided they doubt themself).

  3. If the other person has a strong frame or presence (the other half of people), then you will notice this soon enough anyways and can pivot to adapt to the situation.

  4. The negative consequence of being engaged and enthusiastic towards the other person are the sub-communications: you are sub-communicating that you think your friend is higher value than you, and by extension his friends are higher value than you, therefore you must give them attention and deference. You WILL be likable, but the OP's approach will demand more respect.

Anyway cool stuff.

[–]TehJimmyy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

blatantly

this is the key word. If you do it correctly it works.

[–]trpthrowaway2003 7 points8 points  (1 child)

I really like your theory on linking. It seems like a mandatory skill to develop for new cities and traveling.

Remembering names hit home for me as well. You did a really great job of highlighting how to recover from it, as well as how to improve on it.

Great post

[–]glawkneintehn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Julien from RSD calls this branch swinging or merging sets. If you never spend a moment alone the whole night is just "one big set"

[–]Elfclan30 7 points8 points  (0 children)

oh boy, back to the heavy n practical stuff, tomorrow I will read.

[–]Danzzo36 6 points7 points  (1 child)

God, please don't delete this.

[–]Exhibente 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I waited for this ever since your first post... and rightfully so, that was definitely stuff I needed to learn.

[–]SamuraiPizzaCatz 20 points21 points  (4 children)

I'm sorry (not really), but this one pisses me off to no end and I wish that people would stop doing it:

Restrict exposure to new people you meet. Connect slowly, appear busy and do not be too clingy.

Just become busy, ffs instead of pretending to be. It's like guys who tell guys to take long pauses in 'text game' to show that you're too busy, meanwhile you're really just jacking off to the girl's profile picture. Grow a fresh produce garden and tend to it, or work on your car, or start woodworking projects that will both eat up your time and make your apartment/house look nicer.

You could even just ditch someone to feed your ant farm. Not like you have to tell them why you're leaving. Adds mystery, even if in reality you're just a dweeb.

Apart from that and the absolutely idiotic advice about smoking, good advice.

[–]refusewool 2 points3 points  (2 children)

There is no real reason you are going to be busy for such a short time e.g. 10-20 minutes and then suddenly reemerge if using this technique in a club/bar. No body leaves the bar to quickly tend to their garden/car/DIY project at 11pm only to return moments later.

[–]SamuraiPizzaCatz 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Ask yourself why you thought that was a valid point to make.

[–]AnAbsoluteSith 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Agreed. It's something I've been observing in my own life of late. Now that I've been so much more productive and actively planning how I spend my time, I've now reached the other end of the spectrum where I continuously leave people hanging in mid text-convo

[–]-Maksim- 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Was waiting for this since the last post the other day. This post should be made the template for anyone looking to make a long post that still keeps the attention of the reader and isn't ass to read on mobile.

[–]SigmaMale1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Tl;dr

How to not be autistic.

[–]blackedoutfast 1 point2 points  (0 children)

great post bro! definite sidebar material!

[–]_lawdawg_2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

7 hit right on the money. Most difficult part for me (newbie) is not to over analyze every interaction. This post was abosolut fire.

[–]Froufrousse 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Part 3 : how to not be a functioning alcoholic social butterfly ?

[–]glawkneintehn 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Do all this shit except don't drink. Don't refuse drinks but just don't buy drinks when you go out. You have no idea how common it is and how many people do it, it's expensive! I overheard one of the bouncers saying "We're the most popular bar yet we make the least money" DUH!!!

[–]apatheticpotatoes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Some of these are just plain wrong. Don't know what kind of social environment you are in but the dominance part comes off as douchey and people will not want to engage with you if you minimalize them.

[–]redpill5859 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Replace cigarettes with any form of THC if you're under 25, other than that really good post

[–]BarryMikokinner 5 points6 points  (0 children)

unfortunately that's impossible for me.

I smoked so much pot in first year at school I know get panic attacks whenever I smoke it.

In the past 5 years since then I've smoked pot like 4 times and each time has been terrible so I'm done with that shit.

I'll stick to my cigarettes. I know I'm gambling hard when I do it but whatever, I like them so I'll do what I want.

[–]bossplayaintraining 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Like this post... but one problem.

I tried this in high school, & got exposed as a "fake". Didn't know how to handle it, so my self-esteem got crushed. I lied about my life experiences to seem cool, so that might've hurt me, but still.

I wanna do this, but I'm scared of that happening again, & the cognitive dissonance I felt during that time was ridiculous. I felt like I was putting on 2 fronts: one for my peers (an alpha front) & one for my parents (a beta front).

How do I avoid this dilemma?

[–]trpthrowaway2003 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I lied about my life experiences to seem cool

How do I avoid this dilemma?

Don't lie about your life to seem cool.

This post is purely about the social aspect of life.

If you haven't internalized the rest of the concepts on TRP and improved yourself, then that is the first place you need to start.

[–]obeythelobster 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In the process of learning the social skills you want, you are going to fail a couple of times. Therefore, it's better if you can do that without burning yourself socially, at least in beginning. Clubs are a good place to practice, nobody is going to remember your mistakes. After some time you are going to learn how to handle your mistakes and will to able to "train" even on your social circle.

[–]glawkneintehn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

7 Make people talk about themselves

Instead of trying to make yourself cool by lying about your personal experiences, let other people do the work for you. You're not even talking about your experiences so how can you lie?

Being exposed as the "fake" isn't all that bad, I had a friend in k-12 that was like this and sure he's a fucking joke to all of us from those days, but he got over that after graduating and didn't do it in the future, he's doing just fine. Better than me socially lol. Also you don't really end up seeing those people much anyways, and sometimes when you do meet up you realize you were both idiots and why look back you're still friends now lol.

[–]tbishop1966 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Awesome post! A lot of your points, even though I am beta, are spot on and have worked for me big time or I've seen them work (my buddy used Point 1 all the time and slays it)!

Point 6 remembering names is a biggie! I was out a few weeks ago and a buddy introduced us to two female coworkers of his (HB4 and HB5 - though both were extremely nice). People typically refer to me by my last name and as such introduce me to friends using it. The plus is while my last name is short, it's not a normal last name (like Smith) and so people will forget it or get it wrong.

Anyhow, HB4 and HB5 go to buy beers and upon returning HB4 begins to hand them out. She gets to me and totally blanks on my name. I laugh, say it again for her and she comes back with "well you probably don't remember my name". I replied, "sorry Sarah, I do remember". She sulked, laughed and bought me drinks every time I ran into her that day.

Point 10 again I'm beta as hell, but dancing is like heroin for women. I get a few drinks in me and start dancing...the women love it. I've actually gotten compliments on my dancing (and I suck), but when there are only three guys out there you're bound to look good. Honestly, you gotta face the fact that unless you've had some dance training or are naturally gifted, everyone looks like crap when they dance.

But if you are at a wedding dancing will score you all kinds of points. Again, if I'm drinking, the winning alpha personality comes out and dances his ass off. At a buddy's wedding, there was a lady sitting at a table with her husband just staring longingly at the dance floor. How he got her I'll never know because she was easily a HB7 (amazing looking older broad). So I walked over, plastered, and said "You look like you want to dance". Grabbed her and off we went. We danced for probably two or three songs. As she walked off, she said "thank you so much!". Slow song pops on, I walk back over (husband is pissed) and said "you got one more in ya" again off we went.

Anyhow, not trying to hijack. This stuff is gold and I am going to be studying/using it big time! Thanks for posting!

[–]rep-god 0 points1 point  (0 children)

good post. can't write all my thoughts as i gotta go rn (see what i did there?) but part 1 never began and i felt like "buy my ebook to see what this is all about!"

but this post killed it. gj

[–]BarryMikokinner 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I've been doing all of this and I'm capable of it, but unfortunately it comes out in spurts and short bursts. I have had difficulty sustaining these actions over a consistent basis now that I think about it.

However this inconsistency ends now.

Your post has opened my eyes. Thanks a lot dude.

[–]glawkneintehn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think just like exercise it's about consistency, when I was going out regularly and practicing "game" I could talk to anyone about anything. 9 months of a very anti-social LTR later and I can't even interact with my close friends properly.

For women social interaction is their lifeline, and since they're held up by society they don't hit extremes like us men do. That's why this kinda shit has to be kept up consistently, and it's why "normal people" "go out" it's not that they have nothing better to do than get drunk on the weekends, it's just that they have it installed in them from an early age that you have to keep interacting with people to keep being good at it.

[–]SPREAD_THE_LOVE_7791 0 points1 point  (2 children)

This is really helpful thank you. Question regarding #2:

If I'm going to clubs alone there's two things. I have no where else to go and when I do walk away and end up by myself and they do see me, I'll probably look pretty fucking dumb. But I guess the solution to that would be to open everyone and find new people quickly. But the other thing is, these clubs are huge and oftentimes you never see that person again. So if I restrict exposure and walk away, I lose that person forever (usually). How would you restrict exposure in these situations?

[–]sam_1981 1 points1 points [recovered]

Your phone can always save you in a situation like this. You can always turn your back against a wall and swipe around with no real purpose, but still appear busy. You can easily appear to look like you're doing something important on your phone for a few minutes, even if it's just playing Candy Crush. Or you could use it efficiently and check in with your Mom for a few minutes, since parents always say you never call them anyway.

[–]SPREAD_THE_LOVE_7791 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah can't wait to text my mom at 3AM 5 nights a week lol. But thanks ;)

[–]INTJokes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey after reading both these great posts I just want to say thank you and that I think I'd get along really well with you in person. (Mostly because of your political and spiritual beliefs and questions)

That makes you seem extra qualified to write about getting along with people. Well done.

[–]trpfaust 0 points1 point  (1 child)

This will probably come off as a pretty autistic question, but do you have a recommended routine for implementing these methods? Like, try to do a few a day? Or go out 3x a week to practice? Preferred venues etc?

[–]refusewool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A truly fantastic series of posts. Your observations are spot on and the actionable advice you provide is excellent. Thank you.

[–]tolerantman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope I can make it without the dancing part.

Seriously, fuck dancing.

[–]CarnivOre93 0 points1 point  (1 child)

At the moment, looking at you like you're usher, is not a good thing. He's been in the news recently that he's infected a few skanks with herpes and is a confirmed carrier.

[–]SPREAD_THE_LOVE_7791 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're not a smoker but you go out 5 nights a week smoking. LOL.