482
483
484

Building PowerHow to be a Social Butterfly [Part 2: Methods] (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by [deleted]

[removed]

[–]NotoriousTRP 37 points38 points  (4 children)

This shit is fire. Going to be a bunch of cocoons breaking open and butterflies flying free

edit: After reading it, can attest to some of these. Being extremely outgoing and as I like to call it, "acting like a douchebag" works great for meeting people and opening groups to make friends. I also agree with the concept of meeting with someone then disappearing shortly after/leaving making you look cool- but at the same time it's hard to bring yourself to do that if they seem interesting, and there should be wiggle room for people you have alot in common with (not girls necessary, just dudes).

Only thing I would advise against is cutting into conversations and blatantly ignoring people. Could easily threaten the persons friends and make them not want to interact with you- even flip the table and blatantly ignore you as a direct response. Once you're introduced to them, spend an extra couple seconds with "how'd you guys meet, how long you been friends, where do you go/from" .etc.- just real primal stuff... THEN turn it into a group convo before isolating your original friend (or leaving altogether). Now it's not just a name, but a story- so when you run into them later you have more to work with i.e. you see them with a group of girls "so are you guys from Cuckville like Gary?" .etc

I don't know if I can speak for everyone on here, but if someone comes up to a friend, blatantly ignores me, introduces, then blatantly ignores again, I'm not going to want to associate or talk to that person as they offer me nothing. It's ironic to say this but, if someone alphas you, you have to alpha them back- so be wary of making your first impression as a dink who offers you nothing

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

In OP's defense. The way I pictured this move playing out was a little more lenient. I imagined him meaning this:

  1. You acknowledge the new person's presence in a socially acceptable and kind way: but you are curt and low investment about it. Basically you give the exact barebones but socially acceptable minimum of interest and acknowledgment.

  2. The other person will now feel acknowledged, but will be placed at a disadvantage. They can't rightfully demand more attention than you've given them. And a lot of people would doubt themselves rather than place the blame on you. This proves OP's point: the other person now sees you as someone who requires respect and will feel like they need to "prove" themself to you to "earn" your attention. (Provided they doubt themself).

  3. If the other person has a strong frame or presence (the other half of people), then you will notice this soon enough anyways and can pivot to adapt to the situation.

  4. The negative consequence of being engaged and enthusiastic towards the other person are the sub-communications: you are sub-communicating that you think your friend is higher value than you, and by extension his friends are higher value than you, therefore you must give them attention and deference. You WILL be likable, but the OP's approach will demand more respect.

Anyway cool stuff.

[–]TehJimmyy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

blatantly

this is the key word. If you do it correctly it works.

[–]trpthrowaway2003 7 points8 points  (1 child)

I really like your theory on linking. It seems like a mandatory skill to develop for new cities and traveling.

Remembering names hit home for me as well. You did a really great job of highlighting how to recover from it, as well as how to improve on it.

Great post

[–]glawkneintehn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Julien from RSD calls this branch swinging or merging sets. If you never spend a moment alone the whole night is just "one big set"

[–]Elfclan30 7 points8 points  (0 children)

oh boy, back to the heavy n practical stuff, tomorrow I will read.

[–]Danzzo36 6 points7 points  (1 child)

God, please don't delete this.

[–]Exhibente 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I waited for this ever since your first post... and rightfully so, that was definitely stuff I needed to learn.

[–]SamuraiPizzaCatz 20 points21 points  (4 children)

I'm sorry (not really), but this one pisses me off to no end and I wish that people would stop doing it:

Restrict exposure to new people you meet. Connect slowly, appear busy and do not be too clingy.

Just become busy, ffs instead of pretending to be. It's like guys who tell guys to take long pauses in 'text game' to show that you're too busy, meanwhile you're really just jacking off to the girl's profile picture. Grow a fresh produce garden and tend to it, or work on your car, or start woodworking projects that will both eat up your time and make your apartment/house look nicer.

You could even just ditch someone to feed your ant farm. Not like you have to tell them why you're leaving. Adds mystery, even if in reality you're just a dweeb.

Apart from that and the absolutely idiotic advice about smoking, good advice.

[–]refusewool 2 points3 points  (2 children)

There is no real reason you are going to be busy for such a short time e.g. 10-20 minutes and then suddenly reemerge if using this technique in a club/bar. No body leaves the bar to quickly tend to their garden/car/DIY project at 11pm only to return moments later.

[–]SamuraiPizzaCatz 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Ask yourself why you thought that was a valid point to make.

[–]AnAbsoluteSith 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Agreed. It's something I've been observing in my own life of late. Now that I've been so much more productive and actively planning how I spend my time, I've now reached the other end of the spectrum where I continuously leave people hanging in mid text-convo

[–]-Maksim- 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Was waiting for this since the last post the other day. This post should be made the template for anyone looking to make a long post that still keeps the attention of the reader and isn't ass to read on mobile.

[–]SigmaMale1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Tl;dr

How to not be autistic.

[–]blackedoutfast 1 point2 points  (0 children)

great post bro! definite sidebar material!

[–]_lawdawg_2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

7 hit right on the money. Most difficult part for me (newbie) is not to over analyze every interaction. This post was abosolut fire.

[–]Froufrousse 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Part 3 : how to not be a functioning alcoholic social butterfly ?

[–]glawkneintehn 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Do all this shit except don't drink. Don't refuse drinks but just don't buy drinks when you go out. You have no idea how common it is and how many people do it, it's expensive! I overheard one of the bouncers saying "We're the most popular bar yet we make the least money" DUH!!!

[–]apatheticpotatoes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Some of these are just plain wrong. Don't know what kind of social environment you are in but the dominance part comes off as douchey and people will not want to engage with you if you minimalize them.

[–]redpill5859 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Replace cigarettes with any form of THC if you're under 25, other than that really good post

[–]BarryMikokinner 5 points6 points  (0 children)

unfortunately that's impossible for me.

I smoked so much pot in first year at school I know get panic attacks whenever I smoke it.

In the past 5 years since then I've smoked pot like 4 times and each time has been terrible so I'm done with that shit.

I'll stick to my cigarettes. I know I'm gambling hard when I do it but whatever, I like them so I'll do what I want.

[–]bossplayaintraining 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Like this post... but one problem.

I tried this in high school, & got exposed as a "fake". Didn't know how to handle it, so my self-esteem got crushed. I lied about my life experiences to seem cool, so that might've hurt me, but still.

I wanna do this, but I'm scared of that happening again, & the cognitive dissonance I felt during that time was ridiculous. I felt like I was putting on 2 fronts: one for my peers (an alpha front) & one for my parents (a beta front).

How do I avoid this dilemma?

[–]trpthrowaway2003 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I lied about my life experiences to seem cool

How do I avoid this dilemma?

Don't lie about your life to seem cool.

This post is purely about the social aspect of life.

If you haven't internalized the rest of the concepts on TRP and improved yourself, then that is the first place you need to start.

[–]obeythelobster 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In the process of learning the social skills you want, you are going to fail a couple of times. Therefore, it's better if you can do that without burning yourself socially, at least in beginning. Clubs are a good place to practice, nobody is going to remember your mistakes. After some time you are going to learn how to handle your mistakes and will to able to "train" even on your social circle.

[–]glawkneintehn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

7 Make people talk about themselves

Instead of trying to make yourself cool by lying about your personal experiences, let other people do the work for you. You're not even talking about your experiences so how can you lie?

Being exposed as the "fake" isn't all that bad, I had a friend in k-12 that was like this and sure he's a fucking joke to all of us from those days, but he got over that after graduating and didn't do it in the future, he's doing just fine. Better than me socially lol. Also you don't really end up seeing those people much anyways, and sometimes when you do meet up you realize you were both idiots and why look back you're still friends now lol.

[–]tbishop1966 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Awesome post! A lot of your points, even though I am beta, are spot on and have worked for me big time or I've seen them work (my buddy used Point 1 all the time and slays it)!

Point 6 remembering names is a biggie! I was out a few weeks ago and a buddy introduced us to two female coworkers of his (HB4 and HB5 - though both were extremely nice). People typically refer to me by my last name and as such introduce me to friends using it. The plus is while my last name is short, it's not a normal last name (like Smith) and so people will forget it or get it wrong.

Anyhow, HB4 and HB5 go to buy beers and upon returning HB4 begins to hand them out. She gets to me and totally blanks on my name. I laugh, say it again for her and she comes back with "well you probably don't remember my name". I replied, "sorry Sarah, I do remember". She sulked, laughed and bought me drinks every time I ran into her that day.

Point 10 again I'm beta as hell, but dancing is like heroin for women. I get a few drinks in me and start dancing...the women love it. I've actually gotten compliments on my dancing (and I suck), but when there are only three guys out there you're bound to look good. Honestly, you gotta face the fact that unless you've had some dance training or are naturally gifted, everyone looks like crap when they dance.

But if you are at a wedding dancing will score you all kinds of points. Again, if I'm drinking, the winning alpha personality comes out and dances his ass off. At a buddy's wedding, there was a lady sitting at a table with her husband just staring longingly at the dance floor. How he got her I'll never know because she was easily a HB7 (amazing looking older broad). So I walked over, plastered, and said "You look like you want to dance". Grabbed her and off we went. We danced for probably two or three songs. As she walked off, she said "thank you so much!". Slow song pops on, I walk back over (husband is pissed) and said "you got one more in ya" again off we went.

Anyhow, not trying to hijack. This stuff is gold and I am going to be studying/using it big time! Thanks for posting!

[–]rep-god 0 points1 point  (0 children)

good post. can't write all my thoughts as i gotta go rn (see what i did there?) but part 1 never began and i felt like "buy my ebook to see what this is all about!"

but this post killed it. gj

[–]BarryMikokinner 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I've been doing all of this and I'm capable of it, but unfortunately it comes out in spurts and short bursts. I have had difficulty sustaining these actions over a consistent basis now that I think about it.

However this inconsistency ends now.

Your post has opened my eyes. Thanks a lot dude.

[–]glawkneintehn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think just like exercise it's about consistency, when I was going out regularly and practicing "game" I could talk to anyone about anything. 9 months of a very anti-social LTR later and I can't even interact with my close friends properly.

For women social interaction is their lifeline, and since they're held up by society they don't hit extremes like us men do. That's why this kinda shit has to be kept up consistently, and it's why "normal people" "go out" it's not that they have nothing better to do than get drunk on the weekends, it's just that they have it installed in them from an early age that you have to keep interacting with people to keep being good at it.

[–]SPREAD_THE_LOVE_7791 0 points1 point  (2 children)

This is really helpful thank you. Question regarding #2:

If I'm going to clubs alone there's two things. I have no where else to go and when I do walk away and end up by myself and they do see me, I'll probably look pretty fucking dumb. But I guess the solution to that would be to open everyone and find new people quickly. But the other thing is, these clubs are huge and oftentimes you never see that person again. So if I restrict exposure and walk away, I lose that person forever (usually). How would you restrict exposure in these situations?

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]SPREAD_THE_LOVE_7791 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Yeah can't wait to text my mom at 3AM 5 nights a week lol. But thanks ;)

    [–]INTJokes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Hey after reading both these great posts I just want to say thank you and that I think I'd get along really well with you in person. (Mostly because of your political and spiritual beliefs and questions)

    That makes you seem extra qualified to write about getting along with people. Well done.

    [–]trpfaust 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    This will probably come off as a pretty autistic question, but do you have a recommended routine for implementing these methods? Like, try to do a few a day? Or go out 3x a week to practice? Preferred venues etc?

    [–]refusewool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    A truly fantastic series of posts. Your observations are spot on and the actionable advice you provide is excellent. Thank you.

    [–]tolerantman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I hope I can make it without the dancing part.

    Seriously, fuck dancing.

    [–]CarnivOre93 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    At the moment, looking at you like you're usher, is not a good thing. He's been in the news recently that he's infected a few skanks with herpes and is a confirmed carrier.

    [–]SPREAD_THE_LOVE_7791 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    You're not a smoker but you go out 5 nights a week smoking. LOL.