In "No more Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover, he outlines traits he observed in years of therapy sessions with Nice Guys.
- Nearly all actions based on fear of rejection
- An obsessive deeply rooted belief to seek approval, especially from women
- That their own needs are not as important as a womans
He lists others, but I wanted to focus mainly on these because they're true in my own life.
A Nice Guy will never just walk up and make his intentions known to a woman. That would imply risk, specifically risk of rejection. In a nice guys mind, perfection and "doing it right" are realistic goals. In a nice guys mind, unless there is a perfect pickup routine to get every girl 100% of the time he won't bother risking it.
Interactions with women set him up to be the friendzoned servant, because he constantly seeks their approval. He implements a covert contract with women he interacts with that thusly states "If I am nice to you and serve you, you might reward me with sex later".
Its precisely this behaviour that ensures he'll never actually have sex. Women are not stupid and are experts at subconscious reading. They'll detect your servile belief system and exploit it for their own benefit and they won't really give a shit about you.
A Nice Guy adopts a complete scarcity mentality in his life. Instead of realizing there are a huge abundance of women out there in your local area that might at least agree to go on a date with you, you attach yourself to any woman you know be it your friends girlfriend, wife, random chick at work etc and become nearly obsessed with them as if they were the only one for you.
Last weekend I got too drunk and ended up giving my friends wife a foot massage, hugging her a lot etc and telling them both I loved them and that they were my family etc. Despite the cringe my friend wasn't mad at all, which is great. The part that breaks me is that In vino veritas proved my mindset has barely progressed in these last few years. I have had a lot of anxiety the last few days which boils down to my fear that his wife will approve of me less than she did before.
The lesson here is it's not enough to read RP books and participate in discussions. It's been said before but to really unlock yourself from the chains of the Nice Guy syndrome you must be prepared to face risk, to cold approach, to practice and discover what works and doesn't work for you.
Free yourself from BP/Nice Guy belief systems as soon as possible. Under those paradigms you are not really living. You are in a kind of self induced mental slavery. I should know. I'm in it. But not for long!