LTR4 Year LTR was there at my worst. Helped, nurtured, treated me like her king. She's being cheating all this fucking time. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by -VaeVictis-

Hello TRP. I'll try my best not to ramble because i'm a fucking mess right now, but i had to post this so that other newbies might learn from my situation.

Found this sub two years ago, i was already with the girl in question. I had just lost my father and my job, and was at my lowest at the time. It's pathetic but she was the only thing encouraging me to get better, her "love" was the drug i was abusing to feel better about everything in my life.

Learning all the material in the manosphere helped me understand why i was doing so great with her. I was the captain and she did everything for me. She gave me her devotion, but not her loyalty. I thought these two were the same, my fucking mistake.

Sex was amazing from day one until the very end. She was present and useful. So what the fuck happened?

She worked hard to appear being an unicorn and i knew that was dangerous for me. I was the stoic dude that didn't obsess about her whereabouts, didn't stalk her social media, i really learned my lesson after years of trying to control GFs and failing miserably.

This year's beginning was a real challenge, i've lost my apartment because i couldn't afford to pay what my late father owed the construction company. No family left and still broke, i had to move to a shitty 1 bedroom place that i chose so i could stay closer to her. I caught her lying about small things. Menial shit that i wouldn't even care if she told me. But when the illusion started to crack. I could see here and there that the truth about my little princess was beginning to creep on me.

Yesterday she flaked because she was "broke" and couldn't get the uber. I felt an unexplainable URGE to dig deeper. I can't explain this to you guys except: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, TRUST YOUR GUT MORE, what happened was that i called and she hesitated to answer. I freaked out for the first time in 4 years and completely lost frame. I started texting like crazy and non-stop calling.

Two hours later a random dude messages me on FB. He was her fucking lover and he didn't know she was still with me. She told him she had broke up with me around february and he started dating her until this day. UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE.

The same month i was losing my home of more than 20 years, she was lining another dude. She kept giving me great sex, love and help while cheating like that. Would you call that cognitive dissonance or what?

I confronted her, she confirmed everything. Was crying like a fucking 5 year old who got caught. Asking me for forgiveness and saying she was a terrible human being who will suffer the consequences later. I didn't take her back.

I don't want this just to be a rant, so here:

  1. Being alfa only changes the PERCEIVED respect she has for you. Sure it's great to have her give you lots of sex, company and even monetary help, but if she is a cheater you will never know until it's too late. She will treat you like her king while still getting side dick.

  2. If you find her lying to you about anything, and she keeps lying after addressing it, ghost IMMEDIATELY. A bitch who lies about small things WILL lie about the worst. Never forget this.

  3. I only found about everything because i lost frame and blowed her phone, in being a complete hurt beta, i ended finding the truth. The dude was with her at the time and instantly knew something was up. If you don't want to get to this point, learn to call it quits as soon as she shows herself dishonest.

  4. Don't end like me. Nothing in this world is unconditional. Don't believe the love of your life is an angel if the actions don't add up with her excuses. Pay attention to what she does, not what she says.

Right now i'm feeling like a trainwreck, but for the first time in my life i have gained the self-awareness to understand how to make meaningful change to my relations and myself. And the reason is this sub. Thank you all so fucking much.

[–]The_Phoenecian 223 points224 points  (98 children)

Hey - Good post, I feel for you man. Lying from the people closest to us is about the most painful thing I can imagine. Props to that dude for actually contacting you.

Question - What kind of small things was she lying about? I'm curious as to why you think she would lead such an extreme double life.

[–]-VaeVictis-[S] 113 points114 points  (56 children)

Thank you for the words man.

Basically, she was lying about not going out with the girlfriends. Not even clubbing/partying or something serious like that. Everytime i suspected something she would do the classic gaslighting to make herself look innocent. Other small stuff too that really only shows how much she was used to lying. Maybe i would have discovered this way before if i was as paranoid and insecure as i used to be on my bluest days.

The most important thing i take from all this is that small lies were the best clue to drop her. Just resist the urge to dig deeper, we can't lose our time double checking someone who's a proven liar.

[–]Captain_Sorbo 77 points78 points  (12 children)

In my experience if a woman says she is not doing something she is doing it and vice versa. Ymmv. If it is an answer to a question not asked then 100% assume the opposite.

[–]Neutral_User_Name 92 points93 points  (11 children)

If it is an answer to a question not asked then 100% assume the opposite.

OMFG - MY LIFE'S ULTIMATE PET PEEVE. I quietly let her answer all she wants and then I say:

"OK, your answer does not match my question. Would you prefer I ask a question that matches your answer, and then I will ask my question again, or would you rather answer my question right away?"

It teaches them to listen to me carefully.

NEVER let it slide.

[–]1empatheticapathetic 32 points33 points  (5 children)

A pet peeve i have is letting people dig their own grave, being non judgemental then watching the reaction when i reveal/act accordingly to what they said. But all that ever happens is i end up losing a connection.

The thing about your pet peeve is you're calibrating them to learn how to lie to you better. You're pointing out how they fuck up instead of noting they're fucking with you and then considering what to do about it afterwards.

(This isn't an attack, relax but) What do you get out of the comment you just wrote in such a situation? They listen to you carefully? Don't you mean you catch them out or something?

[–]mrevil_tx 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Agreed. Make sure you have your poker face down. When you catch something, give zero indication of acknowledging the mistake, just like you wouldnt want to let a poker contestant know you just learned their tell.

Otherwise they'll realize it and recalibrate their Bullsit-o-tron 2000 kock holster.

[–]Alexinfinite01 2 points3 points  (2 children)

This is a good observation. Women don't want a rational discussion. He's talking to her like he would want to be spoken to, which is oddly something they don't like. But my question is what would you suggest he do differently if he wanted to continue on with her? Or conversely if he decided to be done with her? I'm curious on your thoughts

[–]Captain_Sorbo 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Play a game of cat and mouse or just ghost.

[–]mrevil_tx 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ill write up a response once I get home (Too much to respond on mobile) as I know what he's saying and learned that the hard way a few years ago.

[–]Neutral_User_Name 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Very good comment! I am not upset by it -at all-.

Actually, about your second paragraph (pointing out the effect on me): it is indeed something I have started to do about one year ago (about the time I figured out TRP - it took me at least 2 years to understand what TRP was about...). Of course it is more positive, and I even recently noticed other people around me copying/mirroring that strategy. It does greatly reduce tension.

I mainly use my "trick" when we are deeper into a conversation into which I feel people are being disingenuous, or are asleep at the wheel. It's a gentle mental wake-up slap on the cheek!

[–]p3n1x 53 points54 points  (2 children)

NEVER let it slide

Impossible. Its like getting mad at the wind blowing when you don't want it to. You can't "teach" their chemistry to alter.

[–]james_the_dean 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I'm actually getting mad at the wind blowing on my worst days :D

[–]Captain_Sorbo 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Agreed. Never catch feelz though. Let them weave their story.

[–]Captain_Sorbo 6 points7 points  (1 child)

As an interesting side note: Men and women lie differently as well. So don't look to catch them like you would a male friend.

[–]zoom54321 1 points1 points [recovered]

Listening to your gut instincts isn't the same thing as being paranoid. I've had to learn this the hard way as well.

[–]trpthrow888 17 points18 points  (30 children)

Can you expand on this? I'm somewhat new to TRP, and in an LTR. And while I don't show it, I've found that seeing this side of women has made me paranoid that my LTR is doing something similar to the OP's ex (she treats me just like she treated him).

How do you differentiate between your gut and just paranoia? Also I'm curious on how you learned the hard way.

[–]LosBuratnos 24 points25 points  (10 children)

That's the bad side of LTR... you get closer to a person and inevitably lose some frame and become vulnerable. And that makes you paranoid cause you can never be 100% sure it's not gonna happen. That's why you need to work on building defences if something like that happens. I mean emotional defences. And it also seems that paranoia and your gut are the same thing.

[–]TheOriginalWasBetter 31 points32 points  (2 children)

This is why it is important to properly vet a woman at the beginning of dating so you know what kind of person she is. Whether or not a woman cheats on your is more about her than you. Date a woman who has strong family values and she won't cheat on you. She'll be more likely to leave you if you're a loser, but she won't cheat.

If you date a woman who's parents divorced, and who's had little or no relationship with her father, and she's slept around with lots of different guys, or has an affinity for co-dependent relationships then yeah, the chances of her cheating on you are pretty high over the course of any potential LTR. If you do happen to really like a woman and she has ANY of the problems listed above, and you're really dead set on dating her, then insist she see a therapist. Ideally just don't date those types of women at all, but if you do then making sure she gets those issues resolved as a non-negotiable requirement for a relationship.

[–]good_guy_submitter 9 points10 points  (6 children)

My defense: https://www.mspy.com/

Been married 15 years. Put this on her phone 3 years ago. Peace of mind is worth it. I have no reason to distrust her, except that she is a woman.

[–]unknownknowledge 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Used it to catch cheating wife a few yrs ago, great app. Final divorce hearing next month and it's a toss up between a bad outcome and a really bad outcome. Fair play to you if yours is trustworthy, always pays to have a plan though.

[–]good_guy_submitter 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I also keep fresh water and dry packed food in my closet in case of a natural disaster.

Some people say I'm paranoid for doing something like that. I prefer to say that I'm prepared.

My emergency food and water need to be swapped out every 5-10 years, if I don't use it is a waste of money. Just like the app, if she doesn't lie or cheat then it's a waste of money. But if I do need to use it, it is a life saver for me and my kids.

[–]Fonzoon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

sorry for the sidenote follow up - I have been thinking about doing the water/food thing. any suggestions? (type of food; water size/amount; where to store etc)

[–]Heinzdoofens 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The problem is not when everything is going all right. If everything is alright, they have no reason to cheat/ leave you. But if you end up losing either money or happiness or anything, then no matter how redpilled you are or how alpha you are, you will lose frame.

[–]kokoke 10 points11 points  (0 children)

That is a terrible way to live my friend. At the end of the day a woman is less likely to cheat on you if she knows that you're the best thing that's happened to her.

So cultivate an amazing life that does not depend on the presence of a woman, that way you develop abundance and you don't have to live your lifein paranoia.

She'll fantasize about getting strange dick but the chances will be low that she'll act on it because she would have too much to lose.

But please for the love of god don't live your life in paronia about what your woman does that is just some weak man shit.

[–]p3n1x 11 points12 points  (1 child)


/points to sidebar.

We are not going to tell you what you want to hear. Paranoid is a waste of time, if you don't trust her, move the fuck on.

[–]Throwawayhelper420 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Truly eye opening. Unless you are schizophrenic or something, if you are paranoid that your LTR is lying/cheating/whatever it means deep down you don't trust her.

You can't be with someone who you don't trust, even if you think you're overreacting or being paranoid deep down the root of the issue is you can't trust her. It doesn't matter why you can't trust someone.

[–]askmrcia 12 points13 points  (11 children)

Well I was dating a chick for the past two months. Everything was going fine until I noticed some changes in her behavior. Not texting as often and text messages a little shorter then usual.

Gut feeling was telling me something was up, but since this was soooooo small I let it play out. But I had my suspensions in the back of my head.

Last week we had plans to hang out. She said she was most likely able to hang, but would call me to verify. She never called. I called her and she was telling me how she was out with her aunt and uncle and little cousin. And she kept mentioning how upset she was at her little cousin talking back to her aunt and uncles.

The fact that she kept mentioning something that wasn't a big deal at all lead me to believe that she was hiding something. Two days ago we basically end things because she says she sees me only as a friend (despite us having sex, but ok).

Take note of the examples I gave. Those were very small things, but once you notice any changes in behavior and your gut is telling you something is up, 10/10 times it is.

[–]mrfox007 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Ah, the classic "I just see you as a friend" or "I love you but I'm not in love". That always means another guy is in the picture.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Tread lightly man. This can happen to anyone and it's a reality you need to be aware of, but don't let the worry poison your relationship. Focus your energy on being the best you. This makes her less likely to stray, and worst case scenario if she does you're already at a solid spot in life so you can move on easier.

[–]Bedtimeshine 7 points8 points  (1 child)

To me... it's about confidence. I don't mean the kinda confidence that's like "I'm the shit, I'm the best she can do." I mean it's good to have that confidence but better than that is not thinking your the best but non stop working to actually BE better than everybody else. Anyway the kind of confidence I'm talking about is simply... not being scared. Not being scared of being lied to, not being scared of being cheated on, not being scared of that gut dropping feeling when your girl is clearly interested in the good looking guy at the party, etc... it's about not being paranoid about why she's not answering the phone because you know for fact she has her fucking phone in her hand and is looking at your name on the screen. It's about shrugging your shoulders and having the balls to say "she's not giving me what I want I'm out." It's about having to courage to face sadness and pain in the eye can keep moving forward. It's about walking away from a woman that you really like because your not a pussy who settles for the girl who doesn't make you THE priority every second of every day because you know she would if she wanted to.

[–]1sucker4love 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Damm dude! Spot on! Facing life and all its issues head-on! Like staring death in the eye and saying "give it your best shot!" Like Sonny in Predator at the end when he stands on the bridge and cuts his chest and tells the others to continue. It's TRP at its naked core! Well done.

[–]Rooibosisboss 12 points13 points  (4 children)

So uhh, I really know where you're coming from.

I won't go into all the specifics, but basically I quit my job to help my ailing father.

My gf who i thought of as my unicorn went ahead and did this:

New Years Eve, she chose to desert me (leaving me to be by myself) to spend time with friends which included a guy...a guy who beat the shit out of her "just once though". While my dad was literally on his deathbed at the hospital...he died a few days later.

[–]mrevil_tx 6 points7 points  (2 children)

She likely used the "beat her but just once" as a qualifier to justify him as no-one to worry about.

Like if she said he's gay so that you wouldnt want to dig any further.

[–]Rooibosisboss 3 points4 points  (1 child)

oh yea i know, i was just so lost in my existential crisis with my life, my dad, having a girl for the first time in my life that i didn't want to lose, and being the stoic rock for my family.

i couldn't get my head above water to see just how awful the things she was doing were. i mean i definitely knew on some level, but like i said, was so flipped around with everything else i couldn't see rationally.

[–]kokoke 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Where were your friends and family though.

That was not a true relationship. Most people don't like dealing with other people's shit and they'll dissappear the moment tough shit happens. The only people wholl be around are your true family and friends.

[–]AudioAssassyn 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Another common sign is suddenly their work hours get all wonky. They start randomly getting held late, or have to go in early, and they're super busy and the boss is breathing down their neck, so they won't be able to check their phone. But see you in a couple extra hours. Because we all know that's the perfect amount of time for a certain extracurricular activity.

The final fight I had with my last ex she went out for her birthday "with the girls". Told me she'd only have a couple and be home by 11. "Accidentally got too drunk" was the call I got at 2am when the bars close, and they were going to hang out and sober up. Offered to come pick her up, she insisted I don't. Didn't get home until 5am. So you loitered outside a closed bar in the wee hours of the night? Don't insult my fucking intelligence. That pisses me off more than cheating.

They'll always say something like, "Oh, you can ask Jenny, she'll confirm it! You're being an asshole!"

Yeah? Trust me, if I was fucking another chick and you even RANDOMLY called my boy, he'd absolutely make sure he covered for me, even if I didn't give him warning he'd keep it nice and vague and skirt around it. That's a completely moot counterpoint.

[–]HardRightCapn 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Sorry about your challenges man.

You do NOT want to be insecure and paranoid. You DO want to be confident yet aware.

You want to be secure and confident in who you are as a person, man, lover and leader. You don't want to be insecure and feeble. You should be AWARE of her behavior, actions, lies, deceptive skills, etc., without being paranoid. You should be able to drop her on a moment's notice, and insecure men cannot do that. You should be able to see the facts and the truth for what they are, and paranoid men cannot.

Using your example, you want to be: confident, secure and aware. You want to see her tiny lies for what they are and dig into them if your gut says so. But do so like an alpha detective, not an obsessed beta. You remove the extreme emotions on either side because you are aware that all humans lie and all women deceive. You know this is fact. There are no unicorns. From there, like a scientist, you apply logic and reason to uncover the truth and respond as necessary.

[–]kokoke 8 points9 points  (0 children)

By the way this is how you develop amused mastery. Being aware of all the shitty behavior and being amused about it because you know whats going on.

[–]tteabag2591 70 points71 points  (36 children)

Props to that dude for actually contacting you.

Exactly. Guys that take joy in the downfall of another male are no better than the women they despise. Fuck those guys.

[–]setsuna0 30 points31 points  (10 children)

Brothers, let's look out for each other.

[–]1empatheticapathetic 23 points24 points  (8 children)

Nuh bru um gunna fuk ur gurl thuts ulpha mule

[–]ECoast_Man 16 points17 points  (4 children)

In fairness, this wasn't a guy who knew about the relationship and just Chad'd his way through it. The guy was also lied to so he was probably pissed because she was cheating on him too.

[–]1PantsonFire1234 16 points17 points  (2 children)

Good point, she was getting dicked by both guys and both guys were lied into believing this girl was only having them. Chicks don't get that our emotions hinge on the fact that the girl is pure and doesn't give it to anyone else. The moment the guy found out he emotionally checked out and told OP.

It's one of societies biggest sins to not teach girls that guys will lose attachment to a girl if he finds out she's incident.

[–]ECoast_Man 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Chicks don't get that our emotions hinge on the fact that the girl is pure and doesn't give it to anyone else.

I think you're right but I would go further, and I mentioned this in my response to OP in this thread. Despite the cliche of the philandering male, I think men naturally have a problem with this type of behaviour in a moral sense. If you think about this, this chick lied constantly for months to both men about what she was doing, her whereabouts, her feelings towards them, etc. She was telling OP she loved him, she was probably saying the same shit to the other guy.

I'm no saint - I've cheated a shit load in my life - but I've never done this type of lying, and if I did try and do it there would be a moral dilemma about how cheating with a tryst secretively once in a while is one thing but engaging in two separate relationships simultaneously is quite another. This deceptive behaviour takes a level of self-absorption and willingness to hurt other people that men aren't naturally inclined to do. We don't mind fucking girls, but engaging in long term secretive relationships behind their backs and lying to them so everyone is emotionally attached is the domain of women.

Men do care about "honour", their reputation, their word, call it what you will, quite a lot. Women care about social proof and their feelings, and they will steamroll through men to obtain this if they have to and not think twice.

[–]1PantsonFire1234 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Completely on point. It's not only a sexual thing. Obviously no guy who has any other options will accept a girl knowing she is fucking someone on the side or fucked allot of guys before him. Fact.

But it's also an emotional one where you invest in your LTR because you like her as a person. Just like you enjoy your friends for who they are or else they wouldn't be your friends. Men pick the girls they commit to based on who they are and how they fit in their lives.

When a girl lies to such an extend about all kinds of shit then her entire identity falls into question. She no longer can be seen as the person that fit in your life. Suddenly you feel like you are dealing with a stranger. Yes it's female nature to dabble in shit like this but it's societies job to keep them straight.

Right now girls can play the field in such a fucked up way. You feel cheated in the purest sense. Swindled actually. Someone tells you lies and you fall for them and give them your honest thoughts. Not knowing the other party is laughing behind your back.

The funniest thing is that if you turn the tables girls are mortified. They are hurt if you sexually cheat but just try to emotionally cheat once. Get a girlfriend, then get a second girlfriend and let the first girl in on the secret in a moment where you are having a fight. Watch her go from furious to, hurt, depressed, clingy and all 50 shades of victimhood. It's the nuclear bomb that she will never recover from. Yet they do it themselves all the time.

[–]ihnrva 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I was "the other guy" in a LTR with an exgf. Women lie, there are no exceptions. AWALT always applies. After a year she bailed and got back with the ex. I've been drama free after severing completely once she gave those magic words, "need some space". I'm sorry OP. Focus on yourself and you'll be good.

[–]InfiniteAscent 4 points5 points  (3 children)

Props to that dude for actually contacting you.

Yep. But she was lying to that guy too - told him she was done with this guy. It would be great if he dumped her and she ended up with neither of them. OTOH someone like that will find another guy real soon but it won't be an upward branch swing. She'll commence a series of the same behavior.

[–]DesignerAccount 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yep. But she was lying to that guy too

Once a liar, always a liar.

[–]un-supervised-savage 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The other guy told the OP and that ruined her escapade. You don't do throw your girl under the bus like that if you plan on staying with her. She got dumped twice.

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRian_Stone 156 points157 points  (24 children)

There's a lesson in here, and I think almost no guys are going to see it:

There is no magic formula to avoiding risk in life.

The guys who cling to self-improvement. The guys who think of alpha as an aspirational archetype. There's always another chad who is better, or sometimes just different. There is no correct combination of behaviours or attractive qualities that make you impervious.

The only thing you have is outcome indifference. You set it up so you survive and thrive, regardless of what she does. Because, get it through your head:

She's not on your team

If you read rollos articles on male vs female love. Everything on hypergamy etc. Most of the time, you being a top shelf man aligns with the best way forward for men. At the same time, it's correlation, not causation.

You can't make her love you like mommy does. Men > Women > Children > Puppies, period.

The cardinal rule is key, one has to fail for another to succeed

If she cheats, you'll never know. Have to accept that you'll never know, at least not at first.

I like this FR, because it illustrated the stupidity of these new guys in here to keep clinging to self improvement. You have to take ownership of your life, outsourcing it to a set of external rules will only lead to shit like this. Maybe not as bad, but they will happen.

You come into, and leave this world alone, act accordingly

[–]-VaeVictis-[S] 48 points49 points  (2 children)

Powerful words.

I always disagreed with the folks who posted "be alpha and she will never cheat". It doesn't happen like that.

Im taking every reply at heart here. There is a long way to go and i'm just at the beginning of my life. I feel blessed right now.

[–]Sym4niX 17 points18 points  (1 child)

Indeed, you are blessed by young age. Experience is always the wisest teacher; one you tend not to question often, especially after multiple "lessons".

Me: 40 YO dude who's had his fair share of ups and downs - AF/BB, marriage, divorce rape (vindicated), kids caught in the middle (no more) - the full spectrum of everything that forges momentum behind TRP, and (sadly, but truthfully) solidifies every piece of it.

There was no TRP, much less ubiquitous Internet access when I was young. I EXPERIENCED, UNDERSTOOD, and changed - Had no other choice. YOU can UNDERSTAND, EXPERIENCE, and change - you have TRP: a million man army your disposal; products of our times, potentially lifetimes of anecdotal advice from which to draw.

You are definitely blessed. Use it. All of it.

Read Rian_Stone's comments again, and when you UNDERSTAND and are ready - use them to make your next EXPERIENCE a bit easier.

When you UNDERSTAND the rules, you can use that to PLAY the game. When you EXPERIENCE the rules in action, you can use that to WIN the game. Always be learning, and experiencing - in that order, when possible.

You will only be prepared for the next time if you UNDERSTOOD from this EXPERIENCE. Otherwise, you will EXPERIENCE it again.. and again...

Well wishes, brother.

[–]AlphaTransition 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You set it up so you survive and thrive, regardless of what she does.

If she cheats, you'll never know. Have to accept that you'll never know, at least not at first.

Good advice, and has been mentioned many times.

Relevant to the OP, I think a key part of outcome independence as far as a LTR is concerned is establishing your frame around what you want out of it. If that has been met, then you should be satisfied with the investment of your time.

So if, in the end, it blows up or she cheats, then you next her. That doesn't mean the entire LTR was a waste of your time.

If she cheats, well, it was only your turn. The OP described being very satisfied for much of the LTR. The lesson here is that he wasn't prepared for what could and did unfold.

[–][deleted] 46 points47 points  (3 children)

"Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat in the corner."

An excerpt from the movie, "Heat."

[–]uebermacht 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Great phrase!
However, the women in "Heat" were terrible tho'.

[–]eccentricrealist 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fucking Al Pacino like nah man you keep fucking my soon to be ex wife I got shit to do

[–]ObjectiveBuffoon 161 points162 points  (22 children)

That's a tough situation you went through / are going through, but think about this: you got years of great sex and devotion. "These hoes ain't loyal" - monogamy isn't natural. You can't have it all. You did get cheated on, but you got your needs satisfied for 4 years. Not so bad.

[–]-VaeVictis-[S] 66 points67 points  (19 children)

You're right. And i know it could be so much worse.

In fact, i'm grateful for this experience opening my eyes. The day i learned about redpill and decided to stay with her because everything was smooth and i was "alfa" i knew deep down that some shit would eventually happen.

I embrace this and will use it as fuel to fix my life.

[–]sharp7 39 points40 points  (2 children)

In your original post you said:

Would you call that cognitive dissonance or what?

To add to the idea that you shouldn't feel too bad because of the deal you got (sex and support for free for 4 years), you also can't blame her or think of her as "cognitively dissonant". She was simply playing the odds. You lost your job, so she hedged her investment by also seeing another guy, if you flopped long term she could go with him, if you didn't she would stick with you. She is just using basic strategy, people do the same thing with jobs, if a job isn't working out you start applying to other jobs ready to jump ship.

[–]1empatheticapathetic 20 points21 points  (1 child)

I know logically it makes sense that "women view us the way we view jobs" etc. But at the end of the day, we're people giving up our time and lives for the other person. That's why this is still a shocking adjustment/realisation for everyone every time this happens.

[–]obama_loves_nsa 3 points4 points  (0 children)

A woman could read your reply^ 100,000 times straight and literally never see any of the words you typed after the first period.

I don't mean that in a broad or general sense... I mean: a woman FUCKING LITERALLY would not only not process anything after the first period but she wouldn't even see it on the piece of paper she was reading it from.

[–]unknownknowledge 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No victim but my experience was... shall we say - interesting. Wouldn't change it for the world now, it forges a strength that can only come from pain. You're good brother.

[–]Endorsed Contributorsqerl 30 points31 points  (2 children)

I had just lost my father and my job, and was at my lowest at the time.

This is an important lesson. When you're at your lowest, misery does love company and it's when you're most vulnerable. Desiring a mother's comforting touch in a time of need is a programmed response for many men. It's also a potential pitfall as you appear weak to your woman. While she may show you her comforting side, she is secretly repulsed by you, doesn't have the tingles for you, and pursues a 'real man'. Having been in a similar situation, your experience is not unique. Don't give them an ounce of perceived weakness, for it will only fuel their hypergamy.

her "love" was the drug i was abusing to feel better about everything in my life.

A toxic and addicting drug. Spinning plates and creating dread is the vaccine.

Thank you all so fucking much.

Thank you for the field report providing valuable perspective. Your life may feel like a train wreck now, but you'll have it cleaned up in short order. Congrats on getting rid of the baggage and learning about her now. You'll rebuild; bigger & better.

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRian_Stone 13 points14 points  (1 child)

This was how I got into RP.

Be the oak, the alpha, the chad for years. soon as you looked back for reciprocity? That's when you realize your plow horse status, to be turned into glue once outlived your usefulness.

Professionally, and relationship-wise. Both lessons simultaneously

[–]imn0tg00d 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Same here. I got turned into glue too. 2 years ago I wanted to die. Today I've never been happier!

[–][deleted] 68 points69 points  (2 children)

You HAVE to take this L like THE man. I feel your pain, but life is calling for you to step up to a higher purpose right now, and it's up to you to make the most of it.

  1. Use this experience to learn and grow as a man.
  2. Get a career and be successful. Pour your heart and sole into this. Make and invest money.
  3. Develop yourself. Gym. Reading. Hobbies. Etc...
  4. Remember to NEVER get married. You learned this life lesson without losing your wealth in divorce court. You DID NOT have kids with this whore. Be grateful that the universe was so kind to you in this regard, but never forget it. You don't get married because YOU NEVER KNOW. That's what AWALT is.

[–]-VaeVictis-[S] 20 points21 points  (1 child)

Thank you man, i will keep laser focus on all these things.

The main issue is money right now, but thankfully i know i'm way more prepared to achieve success now because of better habits i developed over the years.

[–]SovereignSoul76 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Great outlook. Also - try not to let this experience affect your self-esteem or make you salty towards all women. Just know the game.

See: Parable of the scorpion and the frog.

Best of luck, bud.

[–]1CoupDeGrace22 54 points55 points  (4 children)

It only hurts cause you invested,attached and believed in her.

Been there done that, most of us here have, biggest mistake you can do now is blame yourself.Don't.By all means learn from it and analyze your shortcomings, but don't think it happened cause you are "beta" or whatever shit makes you rationalize it.

If you scroll back to the hot page you'll see a boxer 10x more "alpha" and successful than you or I or pretty much anyone in here, and guess what? He's still getting divorce raped.

That's just the cold reality of today's women, they're all capable of being lying cheating ruthless cunts, so to avoid becoming a trainwreck like now, you simply don't invest emotionally in them.

And like the good old saying in here goes: "She never was and never will be yours, it's just your turn."

[–]-VaeVictis-[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

You simplified it perfectly.

I was deeply invested before finding TRP, and i didn't get my shit together after TRP either.

I've learned my lesson. And i don't blame anyone really, it its a huge blow to my ego but i know it happens with men much better than me. Fuck my ego.

I have to make things happen for my mission right now, so i can be proud of myself for the goals i attained. No woman in this world is worth being a goal or make yourself proud of having her company.

[–]NibblyPig 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'd add to your celebrity billionaire getting divorce raped comment, that she's gonna be divorcing him because she found someone else. Someone better than the handsome billionaire. If it happens to them, it happens to us all.

[–]indianindian 42 points43 points  (7 children)

I'm sorry to hear that, dude.

I actually had a very similar thing happen to me, except I was only dating for 6 months.

Turns out the whore cheated on me at the beginning of our relationship, because she wanted to "make sure what we had was real". It's fucking laughable. I literally sent her laughing emojis and called her a skank as I blocked her.

The same deal with me, I thought she was perfect, and she told me honesty was so important to her and that she would never lie. However, she acted like I have trust issues or am insecure, when in reality I knew something was up. Then she lied to me about something minor, just like you.

Then I knew it was time to act on my suspicions. And then it all came out and I was shell shocked. What the fuck, you selfish piece of lying shit. She had the gall to say stuff like:

  • "I'm suffering for my mistake, isn't that good enough?"

  • "I didn't love him, isn't that what matters?" (HAHAHAHA)

  • "Everyone makes mistakes, can't we start over?"

Literally comical. As I said, I literally laughed at her because I had already gotten emotionally detached as I found out she lied to me.

Anyway, that's when I started reading more manosphere stuff and realized that what we went through is the NORM. How many cucks get cheated on but never find out? At least we had the logical reasoning to oust these sluts.

[–]-VaeVictis-[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback man.

Yes it hits you hard to care for someone and believe their lies, just to find about everything later.

Liars will gaslight you, make you feel like an insecure and paranoid boyfriend. I'm just so fucking grateful that it happened after i found this sub and read everything on the manosphere.

We all have one of the greatest tools to taking control of our lives back and it's here for any man to read and apply. No woman will ever take from us what we learned.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (3 children)

Man your story is eerily similar to mine. Dated a girl for 6 months. We were introduced through a buddies wife, so I figured there was some level of vetting that had taken place for my buddies wife to set us up. Turns out, for the entire six months, she was still with her "ex" who knew nothing of my existence. I called her out on it and she called me a stalker. I didn't respond and I never heard another word from her. That's when I started reading TRP.

Bitches be fucking crazy.

[–]SovereignSoul76 9 points10 points  (0 children)

"You found out I'm fucking someone else? What are you a stalker?...creep"


[–]askmrcia 7 points8 points  (0 children)

she told me honesty was so important to her and that she would never lie.

God if I had a dollar for every chick that told me back going all the way back to middle school I'm sure I'd be a millionaire.

Then all the excuses she gives you after you find out. Let the shoes been on the other side of the foot and you be the worse person to all of mankind to her and her friends.

[–]IlsaLaszlo 1 points1 points [recovered]

I am sorry this happened to you. But there is a lesson in this.

Us women(and it does not help us at all,but is the way we are) abondon ship in the sexual department the moment you start perceive yourself as "low".

We may still like you,love you,feel obligated,and care,but our sexual impulse is gone(that doesnt mean we wont have sex,we can amazingly separate having sex from true craving).It just is.

It doesn't matter the reason for your feeling low.If you don't act confident in any and every loss,after a time(month or so)...it's over for us.

Trust me,we don't enjoy it.We hate ourselves for not being able to feel arousal.We try,negotiate with ourselves,drag it out...but it doesn't matter.

If you're feeling low for longer than a month,we can't truly look up to you...meaning,no sexual desire...meaning...it's over,cheating or not.

I am not defending her,I am just trying to make it clear that we don't LOVE our nature.We hate it.But we want what we want.

Word of advice and easy fix that will prevent this from happening again.

Every time you truly feel defeated and you can't help your human self,and you want to cry and scream...do it away from the woman you're with.

Isolate yourself from her.She will plead,try to talk you out of it,give her all to comfort you and such,but...you need to leave.For a few weeks or so.She will never forget the lone wolf strenght you displayed.And women don't cheat on lone wolfs.They are so rare we CANNOT risk to lose them.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (4 children)

This attitude kind of pisses me off. I understand it but its total shit. I'm married, 3 kids, killer job and life. Highly successful. But let me tell you, my job and my investments are tough. They're overwhelming most of the time, and I rely on my wife's strength to help me get through it.

You won't understand and I don't expect you to, but I know who I am and what i represent. I am always on and always grinding and always striving to be the best I can. The fact that women use emotion rather than logic is a very infuriating fact for a majority of men on this thread. But the true nature of the beast as that in order to survive we need each other. My wife is my lioness and I'm simba. This time frame low stuff you spew it out is frustrating because we've all had certain times in our life where our cards don't play out how we wanted them for various reasons. The simple fact is that some women have loyalty and some don't. Us men need to recognize real and make sure our partners are aligned with us.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (3 children)

You established such a long,continuous momentum of being the top dog,your leeway can be measured in decades.

She has your children,day in and out sees you as the alpha you are,and the amount of "feeling low" you get to display is enormous.So huge it will probably never happen to you that she leaves because she's had enough.

However,that doesn't mean she is,unlike all others,inherently loyal.

If I was dating Bill Burr,who is all I ever wanted in one man,he would get to be beta and broke for years and I'd stay. His value is that high in my eyes.

For a regular dude,it's a month.

Bill would find me "one of a kind loyal",the regular dude would think I'm a dishonest whore.

And I am the same.It is all you.

Alls Im saying.

[–]kokoke 11 points12 points  (1 child)

The most painful thing I've ever heard was when my female friend told me she broke up with her boyfriend because he would randomly break out crying after his Dad died "and to make it worse he even cried when she suggested they take a break", her exact words.

My heart genuinely broke for that guy man. He was basically rejected for being human and having emotions other than Alpha.

[–]imn0tg00d 1 points1 points [recovered]

I'm glad you're here. You understand how things are and that this sub really isn't against women. Some people read this stuff and think we are all full of hate. The guys in the anger phase give us a really bad name too. Men and women are different. It's not a good or bad difference, its just different. The whole thing breaks down because men and women both have this idea of how things should be, but neither of us can have it.

[–]uebermacht 10 points11 points  (3 children)

Holy cow!
This is actually good advice =)
GREAT thanks for sharing some insights in women's nature from woman's perspective and how to act right in such situation.
Really fresh.
What's your opinion about Rooshs article?

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (2 children)

I can't find one thing in the article I don't agree with.

It doesn't really matter if I was born into Catholic family,into Kardashian family,or if Im sold into sex trade.I will always do WHATEVER it takes to get to what I want.

The true wisdom lies in knowing what you want.

Roosh really changed my life.First I hated him,then I hated myself,and now I hate no one. Masculinity,feminism,feminine women,no one is a threat to you,once you realise no one is at fault for acting as they do. And that is the path I would like to see RP go.

As long as I hate men for not spending money on me when I'm a cunt,and as long as you hate women for cheating when it's only natural for them to do so if they aren't aroused,nothing can be solved,only perpetuated.

[–]missinglastlette 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Can't lie, that was pretty brutal to read. Really insightful though, thanks for your honesty and thanks for posting.

[–]eccentricrealist 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Tbf though why would OP take her back even if she begs? She cheated. He might love her and she might be devoted, but she still betrayed his trust.

[–]TheReformist94 4 points5 points  (8 children)

No offence, but if you're gonna jump ship in a month, I'm just going to cheat to save myself the blow. We gain nothing from committing to you

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Unfortunately,as long as you're not self-sufficient enough no to suffer "the blow" by other's people actions,you're not ready to deal with women.

Or anyone,for that matter.

[–]Whitified 1 point2 points  (0 children)

you're not ready to deal with women.

that's very subtle shaming on your part. Whether you realize it or not. All he is saying is that if that is the deal, he doesn't think it's worth it. I have to agree.

[–]1ozaku7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Care to write a post about this, with a failure an success story? Like, bad example, good example?

[–]Rnee45 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Fuck women. Literally too.

Only after having my dick sucked by a married whore did I realize how vile they can be. LTR? Fuck that shit sideways.

[–]reddttt 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Our hairy ancestors passed through worse shit to develop this fucking useful tool we call gut feeling. Trust in that shit.

[–]2 Senior Endorsed Contributorvengefully_yours 15 points16 points  (1 child)

It's not blue to not trust them, you shouldn't anyway no matter how social you think she is. Where it goes red is when you realize it's only your turn, enjoy it while it lasts and kick the bitch to the curb when she does shit that is unacceptable. I didn't give a fuck who the girls I bang are giving it to, as long as I'm getting it, not contracting diseases, and they're drama free, I don't care. I'm not keeping them, I enjoying the time i have with them. They can opt out or in at any time, it's entirely up to them.

[–]imn0tg00d 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Abundance mentality. When you have it, they can't cheat because the concept doesn't exist.

[–]ECoast_Man 13 points14 points  (2 children)

Brutal dude. You'll get over this, and if this doesn't red pill you nothing will. Couple comments:

First, I've always found the biggest issue men have with these situations isn't even the cheating in and of itself. Its the nonchalance with which women do it. I've hooked up with a girl who left her laptop and Facebook open and I read she said, "I love you" to a dude mere minutes after fucking me. My bro also went through a brutal breakup and he read her Facebook conversation with her bestie about how she should just tell my bro that she fucked one of his friends after they got into a fight, and the bestie laughed at this comment. Most men would have a serious moral dilemma about such behaviour but women just don't. The hamster is very real, and when men realize how women rationalize outright cruel behaviour it really fucks up men's psyche sometimes.

Second, you're absolutely right about trusting your gut. I always think about women cheating like the cashier who steals from the til. One day, a customer overpaid by a dollar, so she thinks "what's the harm, I'll take the dollar". Next time she "accidentally" misquotes a higher price so she gets an extra few bucks. Soon enough she'll just be flat out stealing. The little warning signs are just her stealing a little bit, or she's outright stealing and gotten sloppy.

Good luck to you friend.

[–]Lazysaurus 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"... women rationalize outright cruel behavior..."

The reason it surprises men is because men are rational, and rationalize. They assume women do the same.

But women do not rationalize. If they did, they would be more rational. Instead, women emotionalize. If something makes them feel good, then they'll do it. Even if it's the wrong thing to do. If something makes them feel bad, then they won't do it, even if it's the right thing to do. Emotions are selfish. Emotions don't care about fairness or decency or anything or anyone other than the person having the emotions.

Men don't understand this because our purpose is to protect and serve others. To invent and build and improve to make a better world for everyone. To care for our fellow man, including and especially women and children. We have a hard time imagining the selfish, irrational, immoral emotions women have, and an even harder time imagining that any healthy person would let those emotions run their life and make their decisions rather than fight against them.

[–]dangercat415 1 points1 points [recovered]

Just for the record, by feminist logic you were raped for four years straight!

[–]segagaga 23 points24 points  (5 children)

I feel for you man, same shit happened to me with my fiance, a LTR of 3 years, and I know what it's like to be literally cut to pieces by a woman's dishonesty.

Believe me though, you got off lightly. You didn't get so far down the route as to be married, share property or to have children with that worthless human being. You could have caught an STD or pubic lice like I did (that's how I found her out, you can't lie your way out of fucking insects in your pubes), women who cheat like this for such a long time are a serious health hazard to you. You did some major Matrix-style bullet dodge there, and even though I bet your heart is in a million pieces right now, be grateful you dodged that bullet and become soooo over that worthless person.

Never take a cheater back. They will take it as meaning that their cheating was ok.

Fuck those people in this sub that say hypergamy is amoral. In a committed relationship, cheating is absolutely immoral. Be angry, and channel that anger into energy to improve yourself with.

[–]-VaeVictis-[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah it sucks, but this sub has showed me hundreds of men who got burned way more seriously than me. I am so grateful for getting away scratch free. My ego and self steem took a huge hit, but i can live with that.

[–]Gawernator 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Women who have nailed how to appear like a unicorn on the surface are some of the most dangerous to get attached to.

[–]LordThunderbolt 7 points8 points  (0 children)

"Women are dangerous to get attached to."

There, I fixed it for you.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Women that come off really amazing are either amazing or the worst (often with BPD).

[–]1ozaku7 9 points10 points  (0 children)

The same month i was losing my home of more than 20 years, she was lining another dude. She kept giving me great sex, love and help while cheating like that. Would you call that cognitive dissonance or what? I confronted her, she confirmed everything. Was crying like a fucking 5 year old who got caught. Asking me for forgiveness and saying she was a terrible human being who will suffer the consequences later. I didn't take her back.

Classic example of not being sorry doing it, but being sorry for getting caught. If you don't believe me, ask the dude if she was crying before, during and after they banged while yelling "I'M SORRY MARK, I'M SO FUCKING SORRY!!!! :'( ".

Women crying after being caught is one of the biggest jokes ever and only a retard falls for that. At that point, they deserve the most disgusting treatment you can think of.

Just one of my higher ups mentioned that you can still love someone, and still bang other people. It fits exactly this post. I have banged other women, he has banged other women, but it hasn't changed out loyalty for our women. Note that "loyalty" may not make sense to you, but loyalty is also in the sense that I won't leave her, even though I fuck other women because the companionship is really good, it's just that the sex died after popping 3 kids and you fuck women on the side to maintain your sanity. An object in surplus will always be abused, an scarce object is valued. Look anywhere you go in your daily life. Men are an object of surplus for women. Become a scarce man, a desired man. In social circles, in professional field, in romance. Become scarce, become desired and you succeed.

Also it happens very often that women flake on dudes that are in their lows. A woman needs a man to bear responsibility for her, he needs to be her rock for everything in her life. Responsibility, consequences, anything. A daddy she can come crying to for cheering up. She loses that the moment you cave and are at your weakest and jumps to the next guy to get cheered up, by his listening, or by his dick, or both. With every day, I am just more in favor of just cheating behind your spouses back because either way you win. Either she is fucking someone else and you too, so that makes it even. Otherwise she's the loyal one that gets cheated on, but that wouldn't happen if she would just fuck me so often that I don't need anything more. Nature is beautifully cruel, remember that. Suddenly you wake up and you're in this beautiful world hopping around in sunshine and the greenest grass you could even imagine, 10 minutes later fallen prey to an eagle, your skull pierced by it's talons and ripped apart to be fed to its babies and there is noone that will give a fuck about what happened even just seconds later.

[–]Luckylancer96 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I am sorry for you, but it seems you are mentaly ready to recover. The lover who informed you is a honorable dude. He didnt gained anything by doing it and he lost a plate but still informed you.

[–]believeitor 1 points1 points [recovered]

hey man my 2 cents, something similar happened to me also after 4 years of LTR, in my case she got dicked by some beta emo because "She didnt think I loved her". So keep in mind girls are human too, it is very hard to walk the fine line between giving your girl the love she desires and keeping your frame rock solid.

It was hard for me because in all my relationships I was the prize and girls knew it, and watching her make that mistake and regretting it so much to the point of being physically sick, thought me that girls can love you, be obsessed with you and still get dicked by some other loser. All it takes is them feeling insecure and you not noticing it in time.

[–]JBrody 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Sage wisdom. Good people can greatly fuck things up.

I'm kind of thinking that being new to RP philosophy, or only going into it far enough to get the girl, one can run the risk of overdoing it on their own happiness/needs and forget that you still have to give a little when you go the LTR route.

[–]-VaeVictis-[S] 3 points4 points  (8 children)

I totally agree with you.

Just to make it clear, as i didn't state this before: i did pass her comfort tests, treated her better than any woman before her. Was always by her side, making plans and letting her know i was only hers.

Sometimes it isn't enough. I don't demonize her for what she did. She wasn't trying to hurt me, she was only putting her own pleasure first.

[–]TRebirthP 8 points9 points  (4 children)

She wasn't trying to hurt me, she was only putting her own pleasure first.

I don't understand why people think this distinction is meaningful. Plenty of evil, hurtful, destructive things are done with the intent of increasing one's pleasure. Your ex cheating on you is one. Someone stealing a car is another. A group of people starting a war for dominance, oil or money is yet another. There are no limits to the horror that people can do with the "putting myself first" principle. In fact, if we look at people who do things maliciously or vindictively it's the same thing. In the latter case, generally the person feels wronged and wants to get from that pained state to a more pleasurable one and the quick, easy way to do that is to hurt the perceived wrong doer. Then, when people do things for malice they are also satisfying the "my pleasure first" principle because it feels good to do harm to someone you genuinely want to do harm to. There's even a word for the propensity of wanting to do harm for pleasure. It's called sadism and it's a universal personality trait. It seems pretty clear that much pain is caused by people following pleasure and when it's not the case it's generally incidental. As far as I'm concerned, once a person puts their pleasure first they have already opened up the potential for unlimited evil.

In any case, sorry this chick let you down. I, like many guys here, know first hand how devastating romance can be. A potential tip that I haven't seen anyone say is maybe you want to let go of the idea of being monogamous? It seems your relationship would have been fine if you didn't expect sexual exclusivity. Just an idea.

P.S. Are you a fan of Legacy of Kain?

[–]Dragon_Garoo 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Needed to add some dread in there. Just passing the comfort stuff, show's her she's got you by the balls, and can do what she wants.

[–]grewapair 5 points6 points  (1 child)

You're lucky you learned early the Disney promise was a lie. Women are using us, they do not love. Plan accordingly.

[–]imn0tg00d 6 points7 points  (0 children)

They love, just not the way you want them to.

[–]Psychocist 15 points16 points  (6 children)

The same month i was losing my home of more than 20 years, she was lining another dude. She kept giving me great sex, love and help while cheating like that. Would you call that cognitive dissonance or what?

I think it's important to note something here. She was not cheating from day one, while giving you her devotion and whatnot. She was invested in the relationship until you started to decline. Then you were on the downswing and she branched to another guy.

She only kept up appearances so she could make a clean escape once she'd secured the other guy.

My advice would be a little different:

Unless you and your life are improving, forget investing any time into a relationship. If you're in one and you start declining, do yourself a favour and leave.

[–]askmrcia 4 points5 points  (3 children)

Unless you and your life are improving, forget investing any time into a relationship. If you're in one and you start declining, do yourself a favour and leave.

We all hit hardships man. Life isn't going to be perfect all the time.

I got fired from my job and was unemployed for two months. Had I told anyone including the women I was dating, they would have thought I was a loser. But after two months I ended up finding a job that paid twice as much.

And the funny thing about your comment is had the shoes been on the other foot for OP and OP left the chick because she was going through somethings, we all know all hell would have broke lose with that girl and OP.

The girl would be calling OP the piece of shit man and all of that.

[–]TangoZulu 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Stop worrying about the 'shoe on the other foot' stuff. Men are hardwired to protect a woman in need. Women are hardwired to find a strong man that can protect/provide for her. When bad shit happens to a woman, our instincts are to help and save her. When bad shit happens to man, her instincts are to find a stronger man, not stick by a weak (or injured) one. It's ugly and seems evil to the core to us, but that's evolution and biology for you.

[–]halfback910 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What about the wives who care for their husbands rotting away slowly due to Alzheimer's? I only ask because I've seen dozens of them in my time in assisted living/older living communities as a volunteer. A volunteer gig I strongly recommend against, as it were, if you must volunteer (I had no alternative at the time; I was just a kid and my parents thought volunteering was important. I believe it to be horseshit)

Does the dynamic just change as they get older? Or if you stick with someone for forty years, the idea of leaving them loses its appeal? Because these wives who care for their (in many cases) despondent and vegetative husbands are definitely a phenomenon. And there were a couple husbands who did the same for wives, but the reverse was more often the case. For a number of reasons, such as husbands being likely to predecease their wives, men being more likely to get Alzheimers/Dementia, men having them set in earlier, etc.

It always struck me as odd, because even if you are incredibly loyal to your husband, I don't consider that vegetable in the bed that you turn every three hours so he doesn't get bed-sores to be your husband. It may have been your husband at some point, but he's gone now.

I'm lucky enough to have found a man that I love a great deal, but if he were post-Alzheimers and in a vegetative state, I would not care for him. And if I were in that state, I'd consider myself dead and would not expect or desire him to care for me.

[–]rushh24 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately that isn't sustainable long term as the road to self improvement is full of peaks and valleys.

[–]JBrody 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Sounds like a shitty experience, but don't let it define you. Go out with some true bros and when you are by yourself, just look at your own needs and work on those instead of giving the her any of your brain's processing power.

Also whatever you do, don't seek out the answer to why she did what she did. It doesn't matter.

[–]Usename13579 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Also, the whole alpha/beta thing is not real. It was based on very bad zoological research that has since been proven false - and it was about wolves, not people. You are neither alpha nor beta. You are a person.

And this is not "the first time in my life i have gained the self-awareness to understand how to make meaningful change to my relations and myself". You have spent your entire life growing and learning and changing, and you made a big change when you retrained your brain not to be jealous and controlling of the women in your life. There's no need to be overdramatic; this is one episode in a (hopefully) very long life.

[–]Whitified 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Also, the whole alpha/beta thing is not real. It was based on very bad zoological research that has since been proven false - and it was about wolves, not people. You are neither alpha nor beta. You are a person.

"You guys can sit here and chatter about ‘seductions’ and sprawling posts that compare yourselves to alpha dogs, wolves, wildebeests, cavemen, and Norwegian rats, I’m going to reside in flesh and blood, those two greasy planes where life forever flows. - The Pook

This was back in like 2005~

[–]itsvoogle 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Sorry to hear all this man i can relate 300% as this sounds very similar to an experience i had. All i can say is that after this you will become harder and tougher than ever before. With this knowledge, You no longer will fall into the hands of deception because you have lived through it in the flesh. Welcome to a new world of enlightenment the worse is now through, take this experience and learn from it, in time all wounds will heal and with that you have leveled up to a new form of Man. One that sees all possibilities not just the ones that his primal emotions wants to see.

[–]Starter91 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I gave a thought about this "new world of enlightenment" , i feel like shit will soon hit the fan , this going against the laws of nature what society is doing is going downhill very fast . People are ANIMALS, the word ANIMAL is what is not written in any constitution around the world, the laws have shifted the perception of reality beyond the point of coming back, it is fucking disguising.

[–]excal10 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The same month i was losing my home of more than 20 years, she was lining another dude.

She realized she needed a new basket to lay her eggs into.

[–]bizmarck 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You know what makes you better than 99% of us?

You've already turned this into a lesson; grin and bear it motherfucker. We're with you.

[–]jshtx2117 13 points14 points  (2 children)

The pitfalls of acute Oneitis.

Always remember, LTRs are gambles not investments.

[–]TonyZ554 14 points15 points  (0 children)

LTRs are gambles for men, but still investments for women.

[–]-VaeVictis-[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I agree with you. I was already deep in this relationship when i found the manosphere and decided to keep working on it just because she was "perfect". There are no perfect partners, people will eventually fuck things up. My life/mission is the only thing worth investing emotionally.

[–]Mefic_vest 7 points8 points  (0 children)

“Why do we fall, Sir? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.” - Alfred, Batman

You are ahead of the curve if this is your analysis. Keep it up.

[–]Fusion_power 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"Would you call that cognitive dissonance or what?" The cognitive dissonance here is yours and yours alone. You expected something different?

"if she is a cheater you will never know until it's too late." Drop the word "if" at the beginning of this sentence and "until it's too late" at the end and it will make a lot more sense.

[–]askmrcia 4 points5 points  (0 children)

OP I'm sorry to hear this, but I'm sure you will become a much better person and man overtime.

Honestly her behavior is sick and no matter how much of a jerk I can be at times, I would never betray or fuck someone over like these women are constantly doing.

I only found about everything because i lost frame and blowed her phone, in being a complete hurt beta, i ended finding the truth.

Try not to beat yourself up too much. We're human and us guys do have feelings. You did find out, and she's a cheating bitch.

The good news is, you didn't marry her and you don't have any kids with her. Ask the old guys how bad they got it after a divorce. Once you get your financial stuff together, you'll come on top and a much better person overall.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I've been in your shoes twice in my life. The first time was much tougher than the second. My advice to you is to get your ass in the gym. It was the only thing that took my mind off her, and it accomplishes shit at the same time. Sorry for your shitty situation man. Shit gets better over time though, trust me.

[–]orestis_prs 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Well, heads up to the side-dude who had the balls to send you a msg and didnt act like a bitch.

I am curious, can you give us some further info on the girl? As you say, her "mask" is awesome and she "seems" to be the perfect girl but she is not. To my knowledge, that an indication of psychological problems that she might has or problems with her family.

Its strange man, we men do our best first for ourselves of course, women get attracted because they realise that , AND STILL they do stupid shit. I strongly believe that they should be a reddit page that addresses that behaviour women have(probably some man have it too) and start provide solution. Its like a Beta thing but different

Wish you the best man

[–]-VaeVictis-[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks man.

The red flags where there since the beginning, i just ignored every single one out of oneitis. A girl can be sweet, high sex drive and pleasing to you, but if she has issues with herself she will destroy even the most incredible relation she ever had.

I consider her highly narcissistic and hedonistic. She was getting a rush out of doing this behind my back, she craved other males attention and that guy was there at the right time. She might have cheated with others too.

It really fucking sucks, but i will survive this and become a better, more prepared version of myself.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

kick ass username. Make it apply to others

[–]TehJimmyy 3 points4 points  (3 children)

if she is a cheater you will never know until it's too late.

There are no cheater women.Nature is AWALT. Given the right moment and a better SMV male than you , you are off. Read the sidebar again and accept it.

I only found about everything because i lost frame and blowed her phone, in being a complete hurt beta, i ended finding the truth.

Why blame yourself ? You did the right thing . Who cares if it's beta or alpha. You went with your gut . Now do it again.

Edit: Go ahead of the curve. You can plate her and don't let her know you are cheating. This way you are getting pussy and looking for other pussy. Don't care about feelings. Sex is a primal need and you should have access to it anytime for your well being.

[–]LordThunderbolt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There are cheater women, they get off on doing it.

[–]SouthernFit 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The first step is admitting you have a problem. So welcome. It gets much better from here.

[–]Senior ContributorSkorchZang 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Discovering your girl's lying is nasty. Hits you straight in the vulnerable ego: how dare anybody lie to ME? And especially someone who professes to love me? Is that all a lie too and I'm a complete fool?

The blue pill way to deal with it involves deciding that "Nah, I'm not a fool, she's just a bad, bad woman."

On TRP you can learn a better, reality based way to deal with this, where you force yourself to realize you're nothing special, it's OK. People will lie to you, and make you a fool. You become OK with being a fool, even the kind that gets fooled with a woman's love. It takes the ole' ego down a notch or two, but it is also very liberating. Now you can take a few stabs in the back even from those closest to you, and keep on trucking (without them of course).

The bottom line is that it's not your "essence" or whatever that is experiencing the trainwreck suffering, not the true self. Those are the ego's aches and pains, and in a way there's some masochistic pleasure you can derive from that if you want to. The thing that is suffering this defeat and humiliation so bad is itself bad, and your enemy. The more it suffers, the more you get better across the board in life. That's why so many dudes on TRP become inexplicably thankful to all those horrible ex's that betrayed them and caused them to hit trainwreck rock bottom where the truth was found.

[–]-VaeVictis-[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm no stranger to that feeling myself.

Each fucked up thing that happens to me makes me enjoy the pain more nowadays, because that pain signals the growth that is coming soon afterwards.

There is no reason to ease the pain with drugs and alcohol either, it's here for me to never forget this lesson.

[–]UrbanBanger 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Just be thankful that you don't have kids / mortgage /marriage with her. Take it from me.... It can always be a helluva lot worse.

Best of luck broheim

[–]Fedor_Gavnyukov 4 points5 points  (0 children)

let me put it like this.. "love" is an evolutionary trait that was needed for a male to stick around to protect the female from the dangers of the outside world while she's pregnant and after birth to ensure the survival of the baby and the species. if the male died in a battle with a sabertooth tiger or whatever, the female immediately went in search of another male to protect her and her offspring, not giving two fucks about the first male. insuring the survival is the main goal.

thus, hypergamy is a thing because the female always sought a better candidate to protect her from dangers. this still exists today, not but the dangers are in the form of low finances, etc.

don't give in to your primitive brain.

[–]Shakydrummer 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Listening to my gut was the best thing I could have done when it came to an old LTR and cheating. Figured that shit out quick and acted on it. Seriously, after months of diet correction, working out and actually being on a fair number of dates, you learn to really not give a shit and see that there are so many more attractive women then the slop you settled for beforehand. Rose coloured glasses are real man. It'll get better, focus on you.

[–]Zacimi 12 points13 points  (0 children)

All women have side dick... Period. All women are fucking liars... Period. I have fucked so many women who were in relationships it's not even funny. I used to fuck this one woman in our office, her husband worked 2 doors down...

[–]Macheako 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Dude, sounds like she was GOING to leave ya....so she gives ya a severance package for a few months, what's the big deal? Your relationship was clearly fuckin over, no offense, from what you're telling us, so to me, from her perspective, she really was being nice to you and helping you out in an emotionally difficult time in your life.

I don't mean this the wrong way playa, but I'd go a little easy on her if you can bring yourself to. She's a free woman, she don't HAVE to give your ass shit. But seeing how fucked you were she threw you a couple bones. I mean, it's cool to not want it, but I don't think she was necessarily going outta her way to be an evil cunt here, dude.

That's just a REALLY tough fucking situation to get caught up in, man, at least give her that lol fuck, I don't know what I'd do if my gf's mom died and I was already 14 steps out the door lol.

[–]imn0tg00d 1 point2 points  (1 child)

That same way of thinking helped me get through a similar situation.

[–]Macheako 2 points3 points  (0 children)

it ain't perfect, and it might not be what you want....

"but if you try sometimes, you just might find...Ya get what ya need"

  • Rolling Stones

[–]Unnormally2 2 points3 points  (2 children)

2.If you find her lying to you about anything, and she keeps lying after addressing it, ghost IMMEDIATELY

Could you clarify? Why would you do this? Is the goal to get her to fear for her relationship and stay faithful, or to just end it there? I would be concerned that I would overreact for something actually minor (Though lying is serious, admittedly)

[–]imn0tg00d 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No. The point is that if she doesn't respect you enough to not lie to you while she is with you, she will never respect you enough. It's best to move on to the next one that will.

[–]rushh24 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wen't through something very similar and it absolutely crushed me. You're not alone man and now we just have a different level of awareness and understanding. Now that enough time has passed for me to not feel pain over it; more just feeling sadness for you because I know how much it hurts, I've learned to not put faith, trust, or even love into a woman as the cost to benefit ratio is way to fucked up. Improve yourself and eventually (so cliche sorry) you will be thankful for this whole situation.

[–]p3n1x 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Being alfa only changes the PERCEIVED respect she has for you. Sure it's great to have her give you lots of sex, company and even monetary help, but if she is a cheater you will never know until it's too late.

Maybe too soon, will make better sense later. But the details of your story show that you were not 'Alpha' and hypergamy got the best of her. Just because you 'believe' you dealt with all your problems like a champ, doesn't mean she perceived it that way. You regressed materialistically, you were in a weakened state emotionally and financially. She didn't 'hold you up', she took pity on you. You perceived sex with her as everything is OK. Woman use sex to validate their emotional state, a man should never do this.


Woman: "You fucked me, so this means we are OK". (no man should ever equate sex with his own emotional stability)

Man: sex ... carry on.

[–]StrongAffordance 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry to hear it bud. I had the same issue with my now ex-wife. Found her lying about small things that were irrelevant like buying makeup or perfume, and ended up finding out that she was living a double life for years. It was extremely rough.

[–]UnluckyPenguin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry to hear. Whatever happens, life is always worth living.

On a side note, I actually sent a FB message to my ex's new boyfriend, because my ex started making with me while she was wearing her boyfriend's sweater. I told the guy a couple facts that my ex lied about, and he chose not to believe them.

At least you are willing to accept the truth. Some guys aren't even willing to do that.

Good luck!

[–]cashmoney_x 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Humans, especially women, are not monogamous.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Good post OP.

Being alfa only changes the PERCEIVED respect she has for you.

You have a bubble with a woman. It might be a very nice cosy bubble.... but when you're out of sight, you're out of the bubble and out of her mind. She probably won't fuck a homeless guy, but if left alone with him for more than a few hours she might.

This post is an example of the risk you are taking when you commit to being exclusive with a woman. The risk is that she is not being exclusive back, and why should she be? It makes much more sense to her to just pretend that she is faithful. That way she gets security from us, and doesn't restrict her other-dick options much.

Conversely men back-slide while in exclusive relationships. We grow soft. We forget how to pick up other women. We forget that we need to. We delude ourselves about the nature of this one super special woman, forgetting that she is exactly the same as all the others. We believe the bubble. We think it's real. We think it exists when our back is turned.

And when it's over, we're left with nothing. She's jumping on the next cock even if she wasn't already, we are left regretting the wasted time, the missed opportunities, realising we should have gone to the gym more, spent more time with friends, and not made any sacrifices for her at all.

Always always always realise that one day it will be over. She isn't yours, it's just your turn. Live your life accordingly.

[–]-VaeVictis-[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

So true.

The first two years before finding TRP i did make a lot of sacrifices for her. I thought i was impressing with my morality.

After reading so much i corrected my views on the status on monogamy. I don't necessarily agree with lying and cheating, but if there are no consequences for this shit, you might as well have some before it all goes to hell.

Fuck the bubble, i want out. I will take the pain with me as a badge of honor.

[–]1scissor_me_timbers00 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Boy, being raised in a devout Mormon household, that whole making sacrifices for her thinking you are impressing with your morality hits close to home for me. Even after I lost belief in Mormonism, that wiring of white knighting stuck w me for years.

[–]dontbedenied 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Did she really try to ask for your forgiveness and try to keep you in the relationship? That is insane.

[–]Whitified 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yo, this sounds like an exact copy-paste of my experience from years ago.

What eventually happened is that I became friends with the other dude. We both realized we got played, and we both faced it together.

Hindsight is 20/20, and after some time I learnt that the signs were there all along. Not just red flags, but signs of not 100% interest on her part. You will think now that she seems "very interested" and all that, but trust me after some time you will begin to realize the warnings were there all along. edit: a woman can lie all she wants but her eyes always betray her

The reason the sex was still great and she seems devoted and blahblah all that... is probably because in her eyes, you are probably still the so-called "alpha" one. The other guy is the backup plan. She just isn't SURE yet... In my case, what we found out was actually that the girl flaked on him even more, gave him the cold shoulder even more. In fact, she was just preparing him to be the beta provider. He was a model, rich, but otherwise he's a complete whiteknight beta, no excitement whatsoever. Useful only to prop up her social status. Your story might be different, but I guarantee you she was setting one of you up to be the "main plan", and the other to be the "backup plan". That's just how hypergamy works.

In my case, the girl will eventually, through sheer luck or something, be in the same internship as me. She begged and begged and tried every trick to get me to take her back (the other guy didn't even hear from her) and it shot my ego through the roof. But none of that matters. She has disqualified herself long ago, and it took a lot of willpower to remain polite and professional to her, yet never going beyond that.

The most important thing is that you not get bitter from this. There are better fish out there, as long as you don't develop One-itis again you're good. Both me and the other guy grew a lot from this, and today we're enjoying life.

All the best, I hope this story helps you.

[–]Hector_Castillo 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Damn. I feel for you man.

Some questions -

  1. Was she a party girl? You mention that some of her lies revolved around not going out with girls. Did this change as you dated or was she never a girl that went out to bars?

  2. What was her partner count before you two got together?

  3. How did she meet this guy? Tinder, bars, social circle?

  4. How much were you providing for her?

  5. Did she bring up kids and how did you respond?

Trying to help diagnose where things went wrong. It might have been a 1% deviance from your typical dominance and that was enough for her to slip (but usually it's high risk girls like party girls that will cheat after slight slipping)

Given the length of the relationship, I think kids was the biggest factor. Relationships have one goal - children. If after 2 years, there's no kids, relationships usually devolve.

[–]-VaeVictis-[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Thanks for the reply man.

  1. She was definitely a wild card before we started dating, what big city good looking young girl won't be riding the cc hard? I didn't screen her at all, haven't learned about the manosphere before i was on the mindset of "fuck her past, she's with me now".

  2. Never had this discussion really, but i know it was high no doubt.

  3. She was taking dancing classes. Told me it was great for her to stay in shape... Yeah i knew one of those "gay" guys she mentioned would dick her on the first opportunity.

  4. We met when i was rolling high and she was broke af, i always treated her good without being a total silly beta provider.

  5. We did talk about making a family, she wasn't big on kids but we agreed it would be awesome when we were better off financially.

I agree that our evolution plays a part on that long time losing interest. Rollo mentions this too i believe, monogamy is nature's strategy to bring up better prepared kids to this world and even if she doesnt want kids, after some years she might feel something really is off because there is no pregnancy.

[–]Hector_Castillo 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Okay, so a few notes.

  1. The CC isn't always a thing. CC for one girl can mean 20 guys in a year, it could mean 3. It's been shown that more beautiful girls (facially, not hot as in big tits/ass) have lower lay counts and rarely hookup. Coming from conservative background, even if they move to big city, also lessens partner counts. But yeah, if she parties and drinks regularly (at least a few times a month), I'd designate her as a party girl and they're really high risk. If they drink, their normal feelings of "my man is going through a hard time but is tough about it" becomes "my man is going through a hard time; I need someone stronger." Some women do have self-restraint but alcohol, as you know, lowers that. Also, it's a feedback loop. Girls who are healthy and happy don't party very often. They usually have good relationships and don't feel the need to party (partying is about one thing and one thing only: getting laid. "Having fun" is not a thing for women, because the best thing for a girl is dick. And best thing for men is pussy).

  2. Yeah, once a girl hits 15+ lay count, she starts to think like a man. She disassociates love from sex and can even start notch-counting.

  3. Dance classes are fine. I like dancer chicks. Yeah it's not the best for monogamy but she can't be a complete shut-in. Those girls are boring, imo. But it does present a great opportunity for new mates. It's not this that killed ya but the other things.

  4. Oh, not good. Pulling a Pretty Woman where you bring her out of poverty isn't great for fidelity. Too much investment on your part, too little on hers. You can be an alpha provider, but only if she's pulling her weight with taking care of kids or also has a job.

  5. Girls should be pretty excited about kids by 4 years in. If she's not, not a good sign.

So, even though on the surface it looks like a great relationship, there were some fundamental problems (mostly her personality) that hurt the chances of faithfulness.

This is a good thing actually. It wasn't a "women are all cheating liars AWALT!" thing. It was a very clear example of party girls with high lay counts being impulsive. Screen for better LTR qualities next time. Even the top stud in the world can't keep a high-risk girl faithful.

[–]frerri 2 points3 points  (2 children)

These posts make me a paranoid little fucking looser. It's eating me up from the inside. Yet the only thing you can do is trust her untill proven otherwise. And that's is a hard fucking truth to realize

[–]Mortal_Shroom 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel exactly the same. I was never paranoid until I came here, but I'm staying anyway.

[–]AudioAssassyn 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry, brother. They all do this. I was married and man, she was ULTRA sweet, flirty, fun in bed. She chronically cheated until she finally left because she fell "in love" with another guy (she cheated on him though and got genital herpes and they're no longer together - so take a little comfort in knowing they do it to every last one). Next girl I thought was surely the one, we were together 4 years, she started showing all the signs the ex did, but she was smart enough I could never prove it. But where there's smoke, there must be fire. Anyway she ultimately left. Said we just weren't a "forever couple". Whatever that means. Bottomline, you don't show all the signs of cheating and leave a 4 year relationship with a man you've already discussed marriage and kids with to "be single". Laughable.

Moral: Don't bother committing. It's just an illusion, a waste of your years. They'll ALL eventually get enticed by another cock and hop back on the carousel, no matter how good you look or how much money you make. Without fail. So just keep getting your dick wet and focus on your own body, career, and lifestyle. Spin those plates like a fuckin' DJ.

"Women are like monkeys - they won't let go of one branch until they're swinging from the next."

[–]The__Tren__Train 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Was crying like a fucking 5 year old who got caught. Asking me for forgiveness and saying she was a terrible human being who will suffer the consequences later.

this is something i'll never understand.. she was totally fine cheating on you, lying to you, etc..

but the second she finds out you know, he crumbles.. lol. kinda creepy when you really think about it

[–]LordThunderbolt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"Being alfa only changes the PERCEIVED respect she has for you. Sure it's great to have her give you lots of sex, company and even monetary help, but if she is a cheater you will never know until it's too late. She will treat you like her king while still getting side dick."

Thanks for writing this because I've been preaching it for a while. A lot of guys think that being Chad makes you cheat proof and that your SMV should be so high that your girl spends most of her waking hours doing stuff for you to not lose you. That's retarded thinking and pure fantasy. She will cheat no matter what you do. You max out your SMV, she gets real insecure and thinks you've already been cheating on her. So she goes out and cheats on you repeatedly because "You cheated too" by assumption.

You guys need to understand that nothing you can control the mind of another human being. At the end of the day, she will do whatever the fuck she wants to do, regardless of your SMV. And to have you walking around like you're hot shit thinking you can't get cucked, makes it even way funnier and humiliating when the news breaks out that you've tasting some other guy's cum in her mouth This whole time.

[–]Lateralanouncer 2 points3 points  (1 child)

For me. I view being in a LTR a version of being mgtow. You simply have sex on tap so you can focus on yourself, work on your business etc without being backed up and having to wast your time seeking a cum dumpster. you can only do this if you are strong enough to avoid female manipulation. the woman (emotional teenager) that lives with you should be the one taking non sexual benefits from the relationship as you are the man and should be on top of your shit. You have to accept that due to taking birth control and social programming etc woman have no biological responsibility to man regarding sex. Enjoy your turn and invest as little as possible in woman but invest as much as possible in yourself.

[–]Tokestra420 3 points4 points  (8 children)

I wonder when this sub will realize that the way you treat women are the reason you get treated this way. You purposely don't get emotional invested in women, then wonder why they do things like cheat on you.

To OP, I feel for you man, cheating is never an easy thing to take. I hope the wound heals with time and you can move forward. But hopefully you learn this subreddit clearly isn't the solution to your problem, and can change in positive ways. While you can learn some good confidence related stuff from acting the way this sub preaches, the way people here think lack of investment and affection is obviously the cause of most of their problems.

Learn from this and continue on, the hardest things in life make us stronger

[–]LordThunderbolt 2 points3 points  (7 children)

You moron. They will cheat either way. It's not your fault she cheats, it's hers. You could be a mix between alpha and beta and she would still cheat because you were 0.089% too beta for her taste. You have ZERO control over another human being's thought process or actions. Stop thinking your behavior or attitude can control her mind. If she wants to cheat she will cheat, no matter how good she has it. You could be the literal perfect male, with the perfect balance of alpha and beta, and she would still cheat on you with some unemployed and out of shape gym because "you were just too perfect and it made her insecure".

The time for loyal commitment is long gone. We live in the era of technology and hyper connectivity. A new fuck is only a few screen taps away. If you're RP and you go in a LTR, you truly don't understand the pill.

[–]kokoke 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I don't know man from what you've said this woman was willing to stick with you during your lowest moment in life and she was so good about it that by your own admission you became addicted to it. According to you, she's done a lot for you(at least emotionally) but you say that you've been pretty stoic about your relationship.

So honestly what did she have to gain out of your relationship that she couldn't get anywhere else. Even the great sex you attribute to her and not you. So far you haven't mentioned any reason why this woman should be in a relationship with you except for the fact that you've been stoic during your relationship.

Look, man, I get it AWALT but sometimes it's just you man. Honestly, I can imagine you being a shitty boyfriend during your grief and I can see why she'd branch swing.

Sorry man at the end of the day the problem was with you not her.

[–]-VaeVictis-[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback man, i appreciate your angle.

All throughout the relation i've being pretty self-aware about my actions and how it influenced her, 2 years in and found TRP i could see clearly in retrospection the ups and downs. I became better with frame and how to handle her shittests, she always acted with high effort to please, treated me like her prize.

Even thou i got fucked by the circumstances i always made everything within my limited power to game her and keep the interest high. I think it was inevitable that having met me at my financial and security high, it would be a huge stress to now see me on the downside of events.

I wasn't perfect and i know it, depression can hit hard sometimes. I think she sticked with me because she believed in my ambition, she knows im driven and can accomplish shit. But it was too much to see me going through hell, im hurt as fuck but i can't blame her.

[–]futmut 2 points3 points  (1 child)

You guys will never understand...

The moment you commit to a girl you instantly become vulnerable...There is no alpha, game or red pill thats going to save you...

[–]AlphaTransition 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You're right. But we do understand. LTR is red pill on hard mode. Married Red Pill is the place to go if you're happy to stare into the abyss.

[–]5559theman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds nearly identical to my experience. Trust gut! Don't trust words.

[–]fromthecrypt8 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Like you say in closing, you will only come back stronger from this. You'll find the track "housewife" on 2001 by Dr. Dre will provide both wisdom and comfort for your current situation. You cant make a hoe a housewifeee

[–]victor_knight 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's what you tend to get these days for believing in relationshits.

[–]OldBirdWing 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The only part I really care about and can confirm is that lying about the little stuff is a big red flag.

[–]manwhowouldbeking 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your life sounds like it has come apart use the rubble to build something better. Sorry for your circumstances thanks for your post

[–]Radkin007 1 point2 points  (0 children)

All women,(people?) lie remember this, they are better at hiding it then males are but when they start slipping and you catch them, drop them. Usually means she's stopped caring to cover her tracks and has little to no respect for you left. Condolences on the emotional torment you going through mate.

[–]Orishasinc1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks! Snoop Dogg.

[–]IClimbPlasticAndRock 1 point2 points  (1 child)

If you want loyalty and unconditional love, get a dog. These hoes ain't loyal.

[–]moospot 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was in a similar situation. I feel for you. The good news is the worst is over. Be thankful you found out now before she moved in, got married or had kids together.

[–]tryinreddit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wishing you good vibes, man. I'm sorry this happened to you.

Sometimes shit just isn't your fault. And you gotta let it go.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If I read this right, you only found out because the other dude contacted you?

[–]DarthMalgusFTW 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"You can't turn a ho into a housewife".

Truer words have never been spoken. Also, what part of NO, LTR/Cohabitation with women don't you guys get? Pump and dump be a PUA. Spin some plates. Move on. Derp.

[–]shredzro 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey man. I feel for you. I wish you nothing but good shit.

[–]HalcyonAbraham 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know exacty how this feels. It's so weird because. for some reason. your story hurts me too.

that's why always leave yourself some room to maneuver. never bet everything on a woman or anyone ever.

the older I get the more I start to realize that there really is no one there for you but yourself. not even family. they'll be there only upto a certain extent.

Im sorry for what happened. Its an incident like this that made me adapt an outlook of "I'd rather be the cheater than be the one being cheated on". it hurst so bad to be on the receiving end of cheating. I know. I've been on both ends

[–]HalcyonAbraham 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Whats intriguing about this post and the comments below is

you can tell that a lot of guys here have been in the same situation. and I'd argue they've come to the red pill because of similar situation. this was the trigger that opened our eyes and shattered our fantasies about love and life.

which is both beautiful and sad at the same time

[–]Vincent_Marcus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm at the point where I don't think romantic love actually exists as most people define it. I think "love" is only a tool people use to manipulate others, most likely primarily a female weapon. I think the trick for men is to avoid being caught in the spell in the first place, because once the witch casts the spell it's pretty fucking hard to fight it.

[–]stoicmarcus 1 points1 points [recovered]

The more aware I become about TRP, the more I think that MGTOW is not that bad as it initially sounded.

Stories like yours, my friend, just confirm the true nature of women. I honestly believe that today, in our society where women are free, even encouraged to "listen" as much as possible to their sexual impulses, there is not such thing as a LTR.

LTR is just basically no longer possible, believing otherwise is believing in unicorns. Period.

That's fucking sad, I know. But truth will set you free, not happy.

Women can't be trusted.

Focus on yourself and learn to become independent to women's love, the most powerful (and dangerous) drug.

[–]Nergaal 1 point2 points  (2 children)

What changed in February? How soon after losing your apartment was it? Was this the first guy she cheated on you with?

[–]RPmatrix 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Right now i'm feeling like a trainwreck, but

for the first time in my life i have gained the self-awareness to understand how to make meaningful change to my relations and myself.


this in itself is worth all the mindfuck and heartbreak you've been through

at least now you have TRP to keep you on track

It's true that 'time heals all wounds' ... as does a good fuck or two with some uber HB

take it easy mate ... many of us have been there to some degree or another so you're far from alone

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This may sound harsh, but the employment situation and the whole picking you up when you were down thing probably contributed to this. If a woman has to "be there for you" like that, it is in her nature to resent you for your perceived weakness, even though she may hate herself for feeling like that. We here all know that society at large is not equipped to provide emotional support for men in times of crisis, and that your lot is to suffer in silence. If you attempt not to suffer in silence, you will be punished for it in some way, shape, or form, as is what probably happened here.

[–]bluexcollar 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Admitted and ask for forgiveness"

Oh of course!

[–]Andgelyo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Damn dude, I feel for you. One of the worst feelings in the world is the betrayal you feel after loving and trusting someone for such a long time. In my perspective I perceive you to be alpha for most of the duration of the relationship by not pestering her and remaining frame most times. I got cheated on when I was 17-18, and had only been with that girl for less than a year. Never wanted to be a long term relationship since then(27 now, had a few girlfriends since then but never ever took them seriously). My heart goes out to you. I'm assuming you know what to do in these situations(I.e. Go out and fuck bitches, work out and exercise, go into monk mode, etc.). Stay strong man, most of us will never find a true unicorn.

P.S. To my red pill brothers, if this guy can't make it, shit maybe there's no hope anymore.

[–]MisterMisogyny 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same happened to me. A perfect storm resulted in me taking a leave from school, losing my home, and spiraling into a deep depression. I was on the precipice of being homeless, and she took me in. I though, finally, NAWALT. We'd been together 2 or 3 years. She started cheating 6 months later. AWALT.

[–]Dragon_Garoo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Stay strong man. You'll make it through.

Women going out with their friends - even if they are - are looking for options.

Let it go, fix your money shit, you'll come out the other end better off. Lesson learned. AWALT. You'll be better prepared next time.

[–]doctormav 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Go fuck some thots, you know that you are in good shape if you can do it immediately after a break up, it's life so go and have your fun. You must Remember to not give up on your pursuit of greatness.

[–]AB_R 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't understand why you didn't keep her around to fuck her even more - now you can fuck her AND you know she's getting side dick, so you're free to do the same with other women

Win win

[–]holytrpbatman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

  1. They are always looking for the bigger, better deal. If you think she isn't, you are a fool.

  2. See number 1

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