Rant/VentingI got cheated on. Don't be like me. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by [deleted]

I'll try and keep this as short as I can, even though it'll be a fucking novel by the time I'm done.

I've been lurking/posting since 2012 with various accounts and have a pretty decent understanding of RP concepts. I've applied what I've learned here to my personal and professional relationships, with varying degrees of success. But all that stuff went out the window in December when my last relationship started.

When I met my ex, she pandered HARD to try and seem like a unicorn. We liked all the same things, had the same sense of humor, she'd find out what bands I was into and buy me their merch, every week she was buying me Pepe gear and Trump shirts and whatever else she could find, even though I never overtly admitted to being into those things. She knew I was into redpill manosphere stuff as well and was totally cool with it. And somehow I didn't see any of this as a red flag, despite the fact that her friends, family - her entire support network - all of them were John Oliver-watching mainstream liberals. I fell back into old beta goober habits thinking "she likes me for who I am, I don't have to put on some act". Mistake.

In February, her roommate bailed and left her stuck with the remainder of the lease. She called me one morning crying, saying she was gonna lose her apartment and didn't know what to do. She asked me to move in. And instead of stating the obvious, "We haven't been together long enough, can't you just put an ad on craigslist?", I jumped in to save the damsel in distress. I fucking moved in with her. Mistake.

Throughout the relationship, she told me about her ex, who she'd lived with for a year. She told me he was a manipulator, a sociopath, an "abuser", that he kicked her out on a whim and essentially put her out on the street. She made him out to be the biggest scumbag possible. Now, a lot of girls talk shit about their exes for sport, either out of immaturity, or deliberately to cover their tracks after a shady breakup. And they're easy to spot. But I ignored all the signs because I thought she was my unicorn and I believed her. Mistake.

So we moved in together. And immediately we started fighting. It became unavoidable. She sought out conflict. The more I tried to be a "good" boyfriend and treat her well, the more she would nitpick and find things to argue about. She would stage these huge emotional breakdowns every time she couldn't get her way during an argument, and then she'd move the goalpost and change the subject of the argument to "I'm crying and you're not even consoling me". Crazy, circular debates and gaslighting became more and more frequent to the point where it was the norm. A lot of nights we slept in separate rooms. Again, she had me wrapped around her finger and I thought she was the one, so I chalked it up to "well, we're going through a rough spot." I convinced myself that this was all normal somehow. Mistake.

I had an insane, shitty job (telecom firm where nepotism ruled and working hard immediately made you a scapegoat, think 16-30 hour shifts with an ass chewing at the end) and most days I was on the edge of my sanity with how stressed out I was. My ex knew this, she knew I had tons of money saved up, and for months had been telling me, "If you ever need to quit and find a better job, I support whatever will make you happy" So one day I did. Mistake.

I told her the next day, and she broke down crying. I didn't understand why. After all, she'd been encouraging me to quit. So why was she acting like it was the end of the world? She said it was because of her new cat. She adopted this crazy, poorly adjusted shelter cat who ran around the apartment all night yelping and knocking things over. I didn't like him. And she apparently thought that, because I quit my job and was about to be around him more, that I was gonna either start beating him or take him back to the pound. The logic sounded pretty convoluted to me, but I didn't know what to make of it, so I just ignored her and went to bed.

My unemployed period lasted 5 weeks total. Not a big deal at all, I didn't have to go into frugal mode and I didn't run out of money, or even come close. I paid my share of the bills and I spent my days going to job interviews, cleaning the apartment, running errands for her while she was at work, and when she got home I'd take her out and spend time with her. And boom, just like that, we stopped fighting. Things were good for a little while. I briefly felt like I'd stumbled on the secret to not fighting constantly: just do tons of stuff for her constantly like a spineless doormat! MISTAKE.

A week before my new job was supposed to start, she got a new phone and left her old one at home.

A few nights before, we were hanging out watching Netflix when she got a call from a contact named "Michael - MUTED". When the phone rang, she turned white as a ghost and answered with a nervous, shaky "Heyycanicallyoubacklater??". So that struck me as really fucking weird, and I wondered who "Michael" was. She never told me about a Michael. She had no friends or coworkers named Michael.

So now here I was, home alone, staring at her phone sitting on the coffee table. I said fuck it and turned the thing on. It had no passcode. Just like that, I was in. I opened her texts. At the top was a conversation with Michael. I opened it. It was her ex (who isn't a Michael).

The conversation went back months. I read the entire thing. She'd been cheating on me for the entire time we'd been living together. All the nights she'd been claiming to work late, she was going over to his house. Every night that she came home and wanted to go straight to bed, she was tired from getting railed . She was full of another guy's nut. This guy who she told me was a sociopathic piece of shit.

It gets better: most of the things she told me about him, she was telling him about me. She told him I was an animal abuser (because I swatted her cat on the butt when he destroyed our stuff?) that she regretted ever being with me, that I emotionally neglected her, that I was an annoying jobless loser, etc. She complained to him that I woke her up in the morning by getting ready for job interviews. This girl had been telling me, "I love you baby, can't wait to see you, be home soon" and in the same breath telling him, "ugh fuckin Nick still hasn't found a job". The deception went pretty deep.

I read the entire conversation, screenshotted everything, emailed it to myself, removed all traces of my snooping, turned the phone off, and instead of wasting one minute moping or feeling sorry for myself, I started planning my escape.

Three weeks after my new job started, I got a Friday off randomly. That morning she went to work, and I immediately began packing up my things. Moved it all to my new place. She came home to a half empty apartment, and I was waiting for her.

She walked in, noticed the tv and entertainment system were gone, sat down on the floor with a dazed look on her face, and asked me what was going on. I told her I was moving out and breaking up with her. She really didn't want to see me go, and there was a lot of crying. I didn't even bring up the cheating, I just left.

It wasn't until three days later when I came home to get the last of my things, and found her ex's stuff in the apartment, that I actually brought it up. She apologized profusely, and sent me three page-long texts saying she made a huge mistake, that her ex had weaseled his way back into her life, yada yada. I told her "good luck with everything", turned my keys in, and left it at that.

This was a couple months back. I've basically retreated into full monk mode to try and psychologically recoup. They're now back together, they live together, and they work together. Pretty insane, but that's how the cookie crumbles I guess.

To briefly recap, moving forward from this experience, here are some hard lessons I learned:

  1. AWALT
  2. Don't fall for a plate
  3. If a girl's pursuing you super hard, something is probably wrong with her
  4. If a girl has everything in common with you, she's pandering - there are no unicorns.
  5. Pay. Attention. To. Red. Flags.
  6. Don't let a woman's love make you think it's ok to stop working on yourself. Don't fall into old habits.
  7. Don't lose frame. Don't cave. Don't be a doormat.
  8. Never move in with someone you just started dating
  9. Quitting your job is poison to women. They will lose all attraction.
  10. Trust your gut if you think she's cheating - all women are capable of cheating
  11. If she badmouths her exes, she'll badmouth you
  12. Women are pragmatic - they will lie and deceive as long as it produces a net benefit. Even when caught in a giant lie, they will continue to lie, if the lie is to their benefit. Loyalty is not a component of the female psyche.

Edit: grammar

[–]mr-satan 192 points193 points  (7 children)

"She knew I was into redpill manosphere stuff as well"

Never ever speak to a woman about this. Never.

Do you talk to the deer about how you hunt them before you go out to the woods?

[–]AdamNJH 27 points28 points  (4 children)

Yep i think that was his biggest mistake made and OP does not recognise it.

[–]RealityTastesGreat 4 points5 points  (3 children)

how specifically do you think talking about redpill contributed to OP's downfall in this situation

[–]xeneize93 14 points15 points  (0 children)

If you find out a girl is an undercover slut, you'd start to treat her differently. Same with this

[–]Macheako 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Talk about whatever the fuck you want. This is the stupidest thing Ive ever heard. DEER DONT FUCKIN TALK you morons.

Yea, dont sit around saying women are evil harpees, but even women are interested in female nature.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

why do people do this? WHat do you expect to gain from telling her you are into this? You think she will be impressed? Sad...


[–]blass_aster 1 points1 points [recovered]

You said you knew trp. How did all of your lessons go out the window like this? It seems so common for people to forget everything they learned. Did you just rationalize all the red flags?

[–]Endorsed ContributorThotwrecker 113 points114 points  (4 children)

If knowing TRP allowed you to apply it in real world situations, the world would be a different place. Many guys do understand this kind of shit conceptually, whether through TRP or through some masculine culture that tends to stray on the RP side. It doesn't help them, because the problem wasn't a lack of knowledge.

On the flip side, you have girls who have never intellectualized or logically grasped any of this shit. But they know it; it's a part of them, and they have been applying it to get what they want from the age of 13.

No wonder a 20 something is like OP's ho is going to wipe her ass with his beta self, and throw him to the curb. She is essentially Mayweather fighting a boxing nerd who knows all the stats. She can't read, she doesn't know theory, but she knows the game and she's had decades of practice.

Many tales of beta demise and divorce rape begin with this same kind of overconfidence. The "I read TRP so I can't be cucked" confidence.

[–]CQC3 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Experience itself is the actualization of knowledge. In meditation the concept of insight is much like that. You see something over, and over, and over and over again, until at one point it just clicks and something inside of you shifts what seems like permanently. You are changed. How you act now is in line with that change without you even trying, it is now part of your reality.

Reading TRP will never do this for you, only experience will. Words are like sign posts that can send you in the right direction, but they will never do the walking for you. Walking is wordless, thoughtless, empty. The action is what matters, not the concept.

Sounds like OP did a lot of walking in his post, and maybe he learned his lesson fully or partway I don't know, but he definitely didn't come out empty handed. He saw some shit first hand, which is way more effective than reading about it, though I don't recommend you seek his particular situation out.

Only by detaching yourself and your expectations from the thing you are observing can you really begin to see it for what it is. Women are like that, love em, hate em, whatever. In a situation like this, many guys are lost and still fight some part of them that tries to reinterpret the situation to save themselves from the realization that women CAN be like that. Sometimes they can be similar but less worse, or more, but it is there, along with other things.

[–]resolutions316 263 points264 points  (10 children)

The more you feel you know a thing, the more you leave yourself open to ignoring the basics.

Everyone will have this moment. Multiple times. I saw my BJJ instructor - huge dude, been rolling his entire life - get caught in a rookies arm bar.

It happens. You nod, learn the lesson, smile, then choke that fucking kid out next round.

This has been one of the better posts I've read on TRP. Why? Lessons fucking learned, not theory. I appreciate it.

[–]imn0tg00d 109 points110 points  (5 children)

The number one swordsman in the world doesnt fear the number two swordsman. He fears the blade held by the untrained man.

[–]P4_Brotagonist 49 points50 points  (1 child)

Absolutely. When you know the best ways to do things, you know what to look for and expect in other skilled peers. The problem with untrained people or novices is that they act erratically in ways you wouldn't anticipate under the thought of "no one would be dumb enough to do x".

[–]beginner_ 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Applies to playing poker very well.

[–]le_wolfe 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Coz the untrained man doesn't give two shits about the god damned rules.

[–]Jkarl1 7 points8 points  (1 child)

That's why it is so hard to be with someone that has a personality disorder like BPD or NPD, because their neural programming pathways are in complete disarray and their actions becomes almost "alien" like. You can never seem to justify their actions because they don't reflect that of a normal human being. This is why many men get PTSD after a relationship like this. The thing to remember is it's not the mans fault of the woman's behavior and nothing he could have done would make her act differently.

[–]Martel_732_Tours 23 points24 points  (0 children)

There's a difference between being caught in a one off arm bar and being suckered into acting like a cuck for months on end.

[–]PeanutFlavor 3 points4 points  (2 children)

This. Too much theory, not enough field reporting.

[–]resolutions316 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Especially negative field reports, that show lessons learned.

"Smart people learn from their mistakes; geniuses learn from the mistakes of others."

[–]shabadiddlle-oo 1 points1 points [recovered]

Rationalization for sure, cognitive dissonance also. I hadn't had an LTR in 3 years and I wanted things to work with this chick because she seemed "different". There were many things I mentally tuned out.

[–]sigma272 67 points68 points  (2 children)

I know this feel, fam. The male hamster is real and spins up to warp speed at "different" girls.

[–]Invisible_Stud 13 points14 points  (1 child)

YES! that's what it's called! I've been looking for a way to describe how I was with my exs. My hamstering went full mach 5 on a few.

[–]metalhead4 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The biological drive for access to easy pussy.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

To follow up, did you feel like deep down the relationship not working would be a personal failure, and perhaps that allowed you to look past these signs?

[–]Radkin007 22 points23 points  (1 child)

"She likes me for who I am, I don't have to put on some act."

This is where you began to fail. She fell for who you were acting as but in reality that was the fake you. Turn that person into the real you and don't act it out. You were, "faking it till you make it." And you made it then stopped doing what you had to to keep it. Yes all those things are right about women however you need to look into you man.

[–]whuttupfoo 18 points19 points  (6 children)

There aren’t enough postings on here about BPD which this girl seems to have. The way she bought him merch from his favorite bands and Pepe shirts gave that one away. Seems like he fell for the manipulation all too easily.

This was a woman who knew what she was doing from the get go. This stuff doesn’t really get taught on this subreddit, you’ve gotta read the books if you want to protect yourself from manipulative behavior.

[–]un-supervised-savage 7 points8 points  (4 children)

NPD and BPD always put their SO interests on pedestals. It's called love bombing. It is not normal.

[–]rossiFan 5 points6 points  (0 children)

By the same token: we're all fallible. Even you. It important to stay in a sort of red pill fellowship and not let your guard down.

[–]antihostile 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Love isn't just deaf, dumb and blind, it's also incredibly stupid.

[–]alltrueism 87 points88 points  (4 children)

I commend you on your escape man. I didn't live with my ex, but about 6 months into our relationship, I caught her crossing boundaries with her previous ex via messanger. (she left her login on my tablet so I could read everything in real time)

I know I should have ghosted her then, but I ended up confronting her. Same situation, "he was on drugs and treated me like shit," "past me loved past him but I have you now," and "I was just suprised he was being so nice to me and I never got closure."

Long story, but after a full transparency trial I kind of started trusting her again. However, 3 months later she started acting shady and flaky. One morning she stayed over I wake up and check her phone to see she sent some guy, that she trickle truthed earlier that week, a picture of her ass. It was a modeling shot but I hadn't even seen it yet. I check a correspondence between her and a female friend, and it turns out she not only slept with her ex, the guy she swore to cut out of her life to maintain our relationship, but also slept with this new guy after being rejected by her ex again.

Needless to say, I was my own worse enemy through out this process. Checking our text correspondence and comparing them to all the screen shots of text that incriminated her.

It's been about 8 months now and I still remember everything, while she has rationalized everything and acts like I broke up with her. Worst of all I have to see her weekly at work. So yeah, never shit where you eat when it comes to LTR.

[–]askmrcia 14 points15 points  (1 child)

It truly amazes me with all the apps we have now that people will get caught because they leave their phones/tablets on.

You could easily mute and hide text messaging threads and never get caught with actual proof.

And that's the scary thing. If the girl you or op was with with had any ounce of intelligence you guys would never know. I mean I'm sure your gut would tell you something is up, but you would want actual proof.

[–]alltrueism 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That was my problem. I gave her a 2nd chance, so when she started acting shady, I made it my mission to know what my gut already told me. She was pretty dumb about it, and only changed her tactic when she got caught by switching to text and changing the name of her ex in her contacts. It was the exchange between her "poly" female friend that revealed all the lies and grit of the matter.

[–][deleted] 106 points107 points  (21 children)

Yea, every guy who cracks his girls Iphone is InstaRedPilled. If it isn't the cheating, its the orbiters and the way they freely discuss how they feel about you.

Best if they are referring to you as That Asshole

[–]TunedtoPerfection 45 points46 points  (14 children)

Honestly You don't even have to get into the phone. When women start cheating their attitude changes pretty drastically. It's usually when they start asking you to stop your mission because "your good enough." That is the hampster beginning to spin the wheel that it's your fault she cheated, not hers.

[–]RedPillHanSolo 21 points22 points  (0 children)

LMAO, just think about it. She tries make it your fault that she cheated in the past by telling you to stop your mission some time in the future. Hamster is so powerful, it shuffles time of events.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (3 children)

Biggest tell I see nowadays is nontransparency and shady shit with the phone. Even a consistent screen tilt away is enough to ping the spidey sense.

One of closest friends is living with a girl that does this shit. She also has a history of cheating she admits to. I hope if it is happening that he finds out sooner rather than later. I think he knows and purposefully doesn't look into anything or think very much. When I see her do this subtly obvious shit, it makes my blood boil for him.

[–]TunedtoPerfection 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Well the phone is the ultimate bait. If you stress over it, your considered "needy and overprotective." But, people do very shady shit with their phones. Now a days with fingerprint required access, etc it's very low risk to fuck around on a phone.

[–]kasper138 9 points10 points  (2 children)

It's even easier than that. All women cheat. All of them. You can either be the spider or the fly.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (1 child)

As RP as your statement sounds, and as much as I recognize the vile nature of the female, it's simply untrue that all women cheat.

[–]kasper138 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's untrue that you will never be struck by lightening but I'll bet a large sum of money that you never will be.

[–]1PantsonFire1234 5 points6 points  (5 children)

Correct, though that attitude change already happens after the honeymoon phase. So hypothetically the cheating could start as soon as 2-3 months. You will find very few women who aren't fucked up, enabled and pissed off for some reason to pull shit like this.

I'm just curious what will happen when generations upon generations of guys learn to cope with this by not giving a shit. Where would women get their drama?

[–]jdxrs 2 points3 points  (4 children)

They vast majority of men will join in on the drama. It'll bleed over

[–]1PantsonFire1234 8 points9 points  (3 children)

Drama is only possible when both parties give a shit. When men figure out that women just fuck around and never commit, there can be no relationship. Without it there's no drama.

[–]Pope_Lucious 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Where there is pussy, there will always be thirsty simps. It is axiomatic.

[–]1PantsonFire1234 8 points9 points  (0 children)

The beta condition is reinforced by Hollywood romance, the normalization of needing a 'relationship' status and the lie that women are wonderful and don't cheat. When these pillars implode it will be significantly more difficult for Beta Billy to rationalize his undying love for his gangbanged princess.

[–]SovereignSoul76 20 points21 points  (3 children)

Bonus points if the guy she's banging only texts your princess things like "1:02 AM: Whatchu doin? Bring that pussy over here" and treats her like a fuck-doll.

Better than sipping a cup of Columbian dark roast coffee in an ice bath. Truth so strong, make you wanna slap yo momma!

[–]Jkarl1 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yea, this is a good tactic with women who practice self hate...like women who have BPD. These women feel they are not deserving of a good man and love to be disciplined and shamed by an abusive person because it realigns with their childhood familiar feelings of being abused or neglected.

This is true with fatherless women or ones who experiences some type of early sexual trauma.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Fun fact I learned recently. Dark roasts actually contain less caffeine than regular coffee.

[–]1PantsonFire1234 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Since our society is producing more and more mentally fucked up women. Be prepared to get this in spades. I don't even mind orbitter and all that shit. But you will find plan B,C,D,E,F,G all on that phone and she'll be sexual with every single one of them. Because that's the only way she can keep their attention.

[–]Redpillandrew 4 points5 points  (0 children)

the orbiters at best - ALL THE TIME. So true

[–]Red_Faust 51 points52 points  (31 children)

Similar to a situation of mine, minus the cheating and badmouthing (that I know of).

Instead of that, I saw decreasing compliance, increasing nagging and above all a total and absolute lack of listening, understanding or action taking when discussing the points where I was dissatisfied with their behavior.

In fact, I'd change 8 to "Never move in with someone". For me, cohabitation has been the doom of two great relationships with two great girls.

Because when you have downs, and everybody has them, you can't go to your man-cave to lick your wounds, since she's there all the time. So she sees you at your weak spots and that decreases her attraction (one particularly introspective LTR was able to even verbalize this, which was rather cool as an alarm/warning so that I could get back on track).

Besides, if they're at your place you can't kick them out to de-escalate commitment. If you kick her out of your place they understand it as an immediate breakup (this is a good call on her part, as we should do the same if she de-escalated sex for instance, but it leaves you with no means of de-escalating commitment as a response to undesirable behavior).

For me, cohabitation turned two of the greatest girls I've been with (who apart from that never did anything evil to me or anyone else that I know of), into nagging, insufferable bitches.

Proof is that when the cohabitation (and the LTRs) ended, I have been able to stay friends with both of them, since deep down they're good people (AFAIK of course, but have seen plenty of evidence of it, and none to the contrary, neither before, during of after the LTRs).

As Chase Amante says, before the point of commitment girls feel fear, the fear of losing you. After the point of commitment they feel frustration, the feeling that you're not perfect and everything they may dream about a man.

So when you spend so much time with them, the frustration builds up way, way quicker, and when they step over your boundaries and you reassert them, it explodes big time.

So, no more cohabitation for me. It's on the list of the big no-nos just after marriage.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (6 children)

But you can de-escalate commitment in a cohabitation situation. It just involves being out of the house more with your own social life and hobbies and withdrawing attention when at home. Difficult to do in an apartment though when there really aren't projects to work on or more space to disappear into.

And you're right. When you you're living with a woman your freedom to be down is completely incapacitated otherwise you lose attraction points. You must keep that shit to yourself and always remain a rock in her presence.

[–]un-supervised-savage 2 points3 points  (2 children)

That's what the garage and project cars are for. Retreat to the garage when you feel down and accomplish something anything with your car or some other project. You'll feel better and return gloriously back to your house.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Like I said, difficult to do with an apartment.

[–]Endorsed ContributorJamesSkepp 12 points13 points  (3 children)

As Chase Amante says, before the point of commitment girls feel fear, the fear of losing you. After the point of commitment they feel frustration, the feeling that you're not perfect and everything they may dream about a man.

This is one of the reasons I'm against marriage. She knows that...

you're not perfect and everything they may dream about a man.

...and yet she decides to be with you. There are two explanations - the first on is that she's a realist/"in love"/"not bothered by small imperfections" etc., the second one is that she make's a deliberate sacrifice for the sake of gaining something else.

The first reason is purely BP fantasy. Hypergamy is always on, and will not be "turned off" act of marrying, so she's not doing it for you as she cannot control it. This leaves the second option as the answer - she's doing it for herself. Therefore you're being conned, even if not deliberately (she might even believe the BP stuff about "working it out" and so on), the end result is the same. She pretends to be the "good wife" while in fact making a strategic choice to exercise her hypergamy in a more hidden way (she must hide the "trickle truth" from others).

I can't believe she doesn't know or at least suspects that you will turn out not to be "the perfect man" and that she will desire other men just as she desires them now. Therefore I'm almost certain that from a woman's standpoint, by default (as in premeditated, conscious, deliberate, with full knowledge), marriage is based on lying to the man she marries.

I'm also pretty sure that this "good wife act" is proportional to time spent together and the disappointment she feels when she finds out how human and not superman are you. Small stuff first, perhaps even with good intentions, that slowly erodes the her honesty and creates more and more hamster rationalizations that she can cheat ("i did/sacrificed so much for marriage/him, now it's my time to have some reward").

[–]Red_Faust 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Very insightful reply JamesSkepp, here's my take on this:

I can't believe she doesn't know or at least suspects that you will turn out not to be "the perfect man" and that she will desire other men just as she desires them now. Therefore I'm almost certain that from a woman's standpoint, by default (as in premeditated, conscious, deliberate, with full knowledge), marriage is based on lying to the man she marries.

From what I have seen, there are many women who are actually deluded when they meet a new guy they like. They become absurdly infatuated with him, to the point of not seeing his faults.

This is highly irrational, but we all know that rationality is not their forte.

So they put the guy in a pedestal and when they see the chinks in the shining armor they become disappointed and start changing their behavior.

I think some girls masquerade this, but some of the girls are actually really infatuated with their almost-perfect man. Cohabitation, or spending a huge deal of time with them, only causes her to see your imperfections earlier.

Also think that when we are trained men (I've been more than a decade learning and applying seduction and female psychology, and I take care of my body), we literally shine among a crowd of subpar males (and even more so the older you are, since the majority of the 40+ crowd of men are basically out of the game). We are trained to say/do the right thing at the right time, to be unreactive and collected, and to give her the right mix of emotions and hardcore sex.

Now, each of us might do this better or worse, I don't claim to be the perfect lover at all. What I'm saying is that it's similar as if an expert escort tried to seduce you using all her feminine charms, it would be so different compared to the average entitled bratty girl that just because of that, even if she ain't perfect, you would immediately place her in another category.

So yes, I think some girls get really infatuated with some men, I don't think this is a farce in all cases. How do you tell which is which? For me one sign is their behavior when their attraction fades out. If they stay cold but polite, and try to remain friends, it's a sign that somehow they appreciate you but want to move to greener pastures. If they explode in fits of rage and leave a trail of destruction on their way out, it's a sign they had an agenda and they are wildly enraged because they didn't get what they wanted.

Of course it's better to calibrate it at the beginning. I am always on the lookout for little signs like their goals, expectations, how they treat me when I say/do something a little beta (this is a funny test to do if you don't care that much for them), and their behavior when they are out of control, like angry/sad for something external, or a little tipsy.

[–]Endorsed ContributorJamesSkepp 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think some girls get really infatuated with some men, I don't think this is a farce in all cases.

I agree, they do get infatuated. What I meant is that they get infatuated by his pre-"tied down" image. It's their own version of oneitis.

I am always on the lookout for little signs like their goals, expectations,

I do this also, as proactive search for "my Red Flags" (ask about goals in vague way, anything about any form of "stability" signals that I'm being tested for bf/provider material. Exception is - she's starting her own business or pro-careeer, but that has it's implications too). A word of caution tho: don't use this to obviously b/c you'll show your cards and she'll know what you look for. I met a few girls that we're even able to anticipate what answers I would want to hear, simply b/c I communicated a bit too much about who I am non-sexually.

[–]Redpillandrew 9 points10 points  (1 child)

no more cohabitation for you. Then how will you handle fatherhood? Are you interested in having children?

[–]Red_Faust 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I have no interest in having children. As I mentioned in another answer, as I am 40, this is unlikely to change in the future. If and when that happens, I'd try to set up a resilient family arrangement, or through a surrogate mother.

[–]arrayay 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Why have a man cave when you can have a castle?

[–]Red_Faust 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This. I won't invite another girl to move in so that she can occupy most of the space and I have to retreat to my safe zone in my own home.

I'm stealing it: "why have a man cave when I can have a castle?"

[–]Pope_Lucious 49 points50 points  (5 children)

Anytime the girl complains about her "sociopath ex", the canary has died in the coal mine

[–]kasper138 18 points19 points  (2 children)

They are almost always projecting.

[–]Pope_Lucious 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Had a plate give me the sociopath ex spiel a few weeks back.

I thought to myself, "well this is only 50% of the story... at best".

[–]kasper138 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My rule is pretty simple, he who smelt it dealt it.

[–]cor3volution 14 points15 points  (0 children)

It's the same as applying for a job. Don't hire people who talk shit about their old bosses in the interview, and don't date girls who wont shut up about their psycho ex. even if it's true it means they're still thinking about them all the time, and then we have op's story

[–]drsherbert 29 points30 points  (12 children)

I know stories like this are all too common, but how are women so good at being deceptive? I would have to really focus my energy to pull something like this off. They can do it so effortlessly, almost like they're programmed to destroy us.

[–]1empatheticapathetic 62 points63 points  (7 children)

I spent the day with my 4 year old niece today. She got me to do so much shit for her, through smiles, laughs, lies, false inadequacies, changing the subject, requests for help, so much shit. And it was ALL fake; not a single thing was her genuine state of being at any time. It's some sort of biological trait. It's scary as shit.

[–]cashmoney_x 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Have an eight year old girl; can confirm. They are fake as FUCK. I cringe when I see other dads buy into obvious manipulation- sometimes I'll even catch the girl smirk with that "got 'em" look on her face.

My daughter actually admits to this since I am always up front about knowing she is full of shit (although admitting it is just more manipulation on her part) and once said "people think girls are nice because we're pretty but we have evil inside."

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Something about Hillary Clinton scared me infinitely more than any male candidate could ever hope to. The vagina seems to brings things to a whole new level of evil.

[–]TheRedSwordsman 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It's exactly like that. They see that doing X results in Y with person Z and whenever they need Y and Z is around they'll just spam X.

It's like, imagine you have a boxing match and you realize that your opponent can't block right hooks for shit. You're gonna use that to your advantage, right? Same goes with women. If it brings the desired results they're gonna use it, they'll make cute eyes and throw a smile to make you walk a mile to buy her a sandwich.

And the best part is, their hamster will never admit that it was intentionally sending you signals to make you go. No, the problem is that you were "good guy" enough to be convinced. It's you who decided to go buy the sandwich, not her putting all the effort to be convincing.

And also, the fundamental difference between boxing and making you go for a sandwich: In boxing both participants agreed to the rules of interaction, whereas in social interactions (in this case men with women) are left out in the dark. Which is also what gives birth to timeless non-internet memes such as "women are a mystery".

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (3 children)

I don't think you can say it was fake. A 4 year old hasn't been conditioned by society as much as a 20 year-old or 40 year-old to be manipulative.

If you're going to be afraid, be scared that her behaviour is real, and this is how certain people (both men and women) are from the very beginning, and how many people inevitably turn out.

For some, this is their nature. For others, this is how they're nurtured.

[–]1empatheticapathetic 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I used to think 4 was too young. She's been like this since 2 (she was also able to navigate a Windows computer at 2. I took a video once). Incredibly manipulative. Manipulates everyone against me when I don't fall for her bullshit crying. Manipulates everyone against her 2 year older brother (who's an idiot) when they're both in trouble. I have a video of her at 1 fake crying and immediately stopping as I leave the room, regaining full composure. And once I re enter she enters full crying mode again. I play it to her all the time to tease her.

She honestly has seen enough and had enough social interactions to test out her skills. You can watch her learn new social skills all the time and add them to her arsenal. I'm not being a psycho and before I experienced this I would have agreed with you. She's just a natural as you say.

I'm basically her dad. Her dad doesn't have much interest in either of his kids and is a mega beta. She has no interest or preference in him but loves spending time with me when I'm around (or so she has convinced me).

[–]cashmoney_x 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No, it IS fake and they are biologically wired for this.

[–]teamjkforawhile 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's mostly nature, and has been very studied. You should read Steven Pinker's books/research. Or at least watch some of his youtubes where he explains it, and even gives a pretty good guess at the ratio.

[–]1PantsonFire1234 12 points13 points  (1 child)

If OP's story ain't bull then he's describing a mentally ill woman. In that case her behavior is her compulsion. When things are smooth they are boring. Women like that create drama to satisfy their unsatisfied empty soul.

When OP moved in with her the chase was done and he became her crutch. And she went on to find new kicks, which brought her back to her abusive ex. Who isn't really abusive, but simply reacts differently to her manipulations.

If OP hadn't moved in with her and kept his distance he would have been the abusive ex. She would have forced the relationship to explode, looking for a guy who is more controllable. Then when she finds one she might have visited OP again for some fun on the side.

It sounds a whole lot like AF/BB except that it's not driven by value or the personality of the guys per se. But rather her constantly shifting life experience. Whatever you do, she's gonna fuck someone else for some other reason.

[–]tallwheel 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's especially easy for them because women naturally appear childlike and innocent. They use this to their advantage, and are even able to rationalize to themselves that they are innocent and doing nothing wrong when they are. Adult men do not have the luxury of always being assumed to be sweet and innocent.

/u/empatheticapathetic 's comment illustrates this exactly. It's important to realize that adult women can do this too.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's seriously bizarre. I actually have to sit and think to figure out what they're doing. And they just spit the shit out without a thought. Manipulation machines.

[–]Xoramung 37 points38 points  (6 children)

I got cheated on. Don't be like me.

More importantly girls if you are reading this, dont be like her.

At least she is goneskis.

[–]ciarao55 33 points34 points  (5 children)

This is the most sensible comment here. I don't get all this melodramatic they're "biologically programmed to destroy men". How about we teach our daughters not to be emotionally abusive, opportunistic scumbags? And for the women that are already steeped in their ways, how about we just tell them to fuck off? People like this girlfriend have surrounded themselves with enablers.. they haven't had important people in their lives tell them their garbage humans, so they continue on their merry way using others and believing their own fantasies.

Op, obviously you were right to leave and congratulations on having the balls to pack up and move on. But you should realize for a while you enabled this behavior, and you accepted trash treatment because you wanted to believe something that wasn't, and deep down you probably believed you couldn't get anything better. When it comes to people, you get what you put up with- and that goes for women, men, parents, cousins, kids. Next time, know your worth and draw a clearer line in the sand.

[–]Xoramung 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately feminism has basically destroyed most women's thinking. you can read RP subs for women, they have to fight their feminist upbringing, the hamster, and all the other rubbish they got fed in their environments. Teach your daughters how to vet (not bang everyone essentially) and they are gatekeepers of sex (dont bang every one), and perhaps things can start going smoother for everyone.

[–]Pope_Lucious 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm with you in spirit but you should realize all of society is enabling this behavior in women. We can't just raise our daughters to be different. Women are actively encouraged and enabled by society to be manipulative.

[–]GOODLORD100 25 points26 points  (54 children)

I recently found out my girlfriend of 1.5 years has been cheating on me throughout the entire relationship with 6 guys. One guy sent me a sex tape from Valentine's Day, when she told me she was too sick to go out. And I stayed with her. And now I feel stuck.

[–]iBchyllen247365 44 points45 points  (21 children)

Wait what?

You're still with her?

Do you have respect for yourself?

You are stuck as long as you believe you are.

Recognize that you aren't, and start being logical.

Escape and stay away from people that don't respect you.

[–]cor3volution 14 points15 points  (0 children)

i almost choked when i read his last sentence.

[–]GOODLORD100 7 points8 points  (19 children)

Yea I am still with her. I wanted to break up with her a few months into the relationship because she started to seem shady. But she's a good-looking, yet kinda nerdy computer programmer so I stupidly assumed nothing happened. Until one of the guys reached out to me and apologized and told me everything. This lead to her admitting to having sex with 6 guys and she apparently lost count how many she made it with and said kissing isn't cheating. I am trying to break up with her but she recently moved in :( (before I found out)

[–]afishnsea 27 points28 points  (5 children)

Jesus dude, kick her out today and delete all contact info.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (12 children)

Take a Friday off from work. Fuck, don't even wait till this Friday, DO IT TODAY. Pick up all of her stuff. Put it in boxes. Put the boxes in the garage/by the front door of your apartment. When she comes home, break up with her and tell her she needs to move out by tomorrow. Don't think about her work schedule, let her take a day off from work too.

This girl has no respect for you. If she did, she wouldn't have fucked another person,let alone six other guys.

This is the simplest solution to your problem and I know it's not always that simple. Maybe she pays rent and you can't afford the place your staying without a roommate? Get a friend to live with you/Put an ad on craigslist/Run an AirBnB.

She can't fuck around on you and expect to have a place to stay. That’s an abuse of trust in any relationship, and I guarantee you that if the tables were turned, she would be doing the exact same shit. Hell, she prpbably wouldn't have been so nice about it and you would have come home and seen all your stuff thrown to the curb.

She's telling you how badly she fucked up and how it was a huge mistake, she'll actually learn a lesson when she's homeless.

Which she won't be because she has 6 other guys and I guarantee you at least one of them, or her female friends/family will give her a place to stay. If not, she can just put her stuff in storage and live in a motel for a while, but you shouldn't worry about that.

Don't worry about her,man. You ever seen any pretty homeless girls?

[–]GOODLORD100 3 points4 points  (7 children)

Definitely needed to hear this.

She is constantly telling me how guilty she feels and how bad she fucked it and keeps assuring me it won't happen again.

She said she did it because she thought I didn't care about her or the relationship so she's going to do whatever she wants and can have her cake and eat it too. And if I found out that we'd just break up.

But when I tried to break up with her when I found out, she cried and pleaded. I was in such shock I tried to make it work again but we constantly argue about what she did and she refuses to talk about it anymore but still apologizes.

We went on vacation a few weeks ago and I was planning on breaking up with her but couldn't get the words out of my mouth. I need to rip it off like a bandaid I guess.

[–]Psychocist 8 points9 points  (2 children)

She said she did it because she thought I didn't care about her or the relationship so she's going to do whatever she wants and can have her cake and eat it too. And if I found out that we'd just break up.

Yeh, because we are disposable. She can go find another beta within 10 steps of walking outside. You mean literally fuck all to her. Those pleas are because of the dread. Don't worry, she'll continue riding the CC with abandon the second you are out of her life.

She's on a path of self-destruction and you need to get the fuck out of the way before she ruins your life any further. Shit man, wake up. It's not going to get better.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

6 guys? Don't listen to a thing this slut bitch says.

[–]Psychocist 3 points4 points  (3 children)

Fuck that. Don't pack for her! Tell her to pack her own shit and GTFO otherwise it's going out the window. This bitch doesn't deserve a modicum of effort.

In fact, OP, just pretend you're not even in a relationship with her and start dating other chicks and inviting 'em back to your place. She'll get the message and be on her way pretty quickly.

[–]GOODLORD100 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Since I found out, I started talking to girls on every dating app and met two so far. But they always seek to fizzle out and are never as hot as this girl. It does help talking to them though.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

To be honest with you, my sexual history has girls between 3 and 9. There has only been one 9 so far (and I would honestly say she was almost a 10 in my eyes, she just had hair too short for my liking), so she is still the hottest person I have gone out with to date.

And she is also the human being I've had the worst experience with,too. She is the most infuriating human being in terms of the shit she did when she broke up with me and after we broke up.

We went on the best first date I've ever been on (though most others have been pretty great too) and she's one of the only two girls I didn't fuck on the first date, so it actually felt like dating because I had to wait 'till the third date and I met her best friend and we went on a double date or two. After that first date, she went back to her ex and I forgot about her when I went on my trip to Cuba. Came back and saw a text she sent saying she missed me.

The sex was incredible because up until that point, I had sex because I wanted to have sex,not because I was attracted to those girls. I would go for hours and my dick would stay rock hard the entire time. Pullout, cum, wipe it off, right back in it goes.

I just remember how great I felt thinking I had a hot girlfriend. Good sex, ego boosted both by her and just the fact I had a hot girlfriend and it felt like I could show off, so I felt great for the few weeks we saw eachother. The rest of my life was kind of shitty because I was between apartments and staying with my aunt,living out of boxes, but doesn't matter, had sex.

All this good stuff came to an end when I saw her one day and she shaved her head. Lost the attraction then because I'm not interested in fucking Amber Rose unless she has a wig. Had sex with my girl anyways, but with less gusto. She wanted to eat at Denny's afterwards, so I took her to one close by.

She told me she fucked some other dude and when I was calling her out on her shit, she told me we weren't a couple or anything, despite the fact we were "dating". Then I had to drive her 20 minutes home like a fucking cuck and she officially broke up with me through text later and didn't explain anything until I pressed her and she told me I was a terrible person and I hit her (slapped face during sex once and she cried, so never did it again).

It bothers me because I had a pretty high SMV back then and I felt invincible, being in good shape for the first time of my life and having just lost my virginity,my biggest burden, 2 months before and sleeping with 5 girls since, and it all just came out of the blue for me. Plus, I'm sure my SMV is higher than that other guy and my dick is bigger, but none of that matters because conventional Chad (though I was a lot more beta back then) like me isn't her thing, she wants a stream of beta Bills that know how to play the guitar because being artsy fartsy is what gets her tingly. She also never helped me get any closure. I had to come to terms with everything myself. The week before she ended it, we we're talking about her setting me up with one of her friends and we'll have a threesome.

It's only now I can look through the lens of TRP and see all the fucking traps I fell into and bullshit I out up with that I shouldn't have.

The entire point of this story is I know how hard it is to get over the hottest girl you've been with, and it personally took me a year to get over all the shit that happened with her even though we only went out for 5 weeks (never had an LTR last for 2 months). It sucks knowing you can pull in hotter chicks and you feel like you're trading down initially,but with some time and a few more notches on your belt, you'll move on a bit more and it gets easoer. I actually met her through Tinder, so there are hot girls on dating apps, even though you have to wade through a lot of shit first.

Either way, good luck man. You have it way harder than I ever had, so I wish you all the luck in getting through all this.

[–]Starter91 26 points27 points  (15 children)

Jesus fucking christ dump that cum dumpster, are you fucking mad?

[–]GOODLORD100 5 points6 points  (14 children)

I've been in shock since I found out and saw the videos. I keep telling myself I will dump her but keep procrastinating.

I'm very close to 30 and I've never knowingly been cheated on, let alone with multiple guys and with sex tapes.

Thank God someone directed me to this sub...

[–]Starter91 10 points11 points  (13 children)

I am so fucking sorry for men like you , this is just , today i found out there is such website surviving infidelity . Feels like there is some kind of epidemic going on with men , just don't be a doormat , please please .

[–]GOODLORD100 4 points5 points  (12 children)

I agree. She never seemed the type to do this either but I guess they're all capable of it. I've avoided relationships for years because I tend to get too attached and this has been my longest relationship and look what happens.

I have actually been trying to meet girls, and have met a few, to try to get over her and this situation, but I just want time to focus on myself. But then when I'm alone I wonder when, how and all the details of what she did. It's pure torture.

[–]valdirtheblue 7 points8 points  (11 children)

You will never be free, never be able to respect or enjoy your life again if you don't drop this woman immediately. Delete her off every phone/media platform and block as well. You don't want mind games. You owe it to yourself brah.

Get a gym membership and blow off steam there. Luckily, half the battle is done. You've acknowledged the problem, now act!!!

[–]GOODLORD100 2 points3 points  (10 children)

That's the hard part, actually acting! I knew from the start I shouldn't be in this relationship and now I'm just too scared to act. I can't enjoy my life at all and have nightmares almost every single night since I found out what she did. She said her dad told her to just keep denying. I never would have found out if one guy didn't tell me.

Yea the thing I'm most scared about is I know she'd be fine if I broke up with her and I'd be crushed. Thanks for the gym membership tip, because I didn't even think about it. I've lost friends over her and she actually talks to those friend, and I worry that if I finally pull the plug, she'd revenge fuck them knowing it would crush me more than anything.

[–]SovereignSoul76 2 points3 points  (4 children)

"Yea the thing I'm most scared about is I know she'd be fine if I broke up with her and I'd be crushed."

Duuuuude, you need to leave that sense of desperation in a ditch somewhere. I've had a few girls leave me that I've said to myself "Well, I'll probably never bang another girl THAT hot again." And every fucking time I was wrong.

[–]valdirtheblue 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Then cut those friends. Once you are single you will enjoy your life and be utterly free. Embrace the sadness, even if she fucks your friends. Put the anger into gym, or better yet, let it go and move on. She is just one woman, you can meet loads more!

[–]bigman1090[🍰] 12 points13 points  (3 children)

Dude. Stop. Just stop. Ghost her and hard next. Find other things to do. Getting into a habbit of heroine seems a better idea than sticking around

[–]GOODLORD100 1 point2 points  (2 children)

With all the stress she is causing me daily, and the stress she is causing with my family and friends, I've actually thought about that idea... already picked up a few bad habits to cope, unfortunately.

[–]bigman1090[🍰] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I don't think you were here to listen in the first place. Good luck mate! I hope you find the power to rise from rock bottom

[–]ChadThundercockII 6 points7 points  (2 children)

dude, your comments on here gave me a heartache and a hardcore disgusted look on my face. ROUGH SHIT AND TOUGH LOVE INCOMING: are you a weakling holding on to a woman who fucked SIX guys? do you have any self confidence, self respect or even a shred of honor? I cant be logical and stoic with someone who who lets people walk all over him. Are you some kind of cuckold? watching the girl you are with getting drilled and still welcoming her to your home? fucking goddamn it kid!Do you like getting fucked in the ass? is this why you wont let her go? Take her shit out of the house. Go spend a few days with a friend. Dont talk to her or meet her. I hope you make it out of your cuck weak ways buddy. I will pray for you.

[–]general_armchair 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Why are you even here? I seriously hope you're trolling because that is pathetic.

[–]Brazilian_Slaughter 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Get how much of that account you think belongs to you, give her what you think belongs to her according to your calculations. Tell her to move and pack, or her things will go out from the windows. Cut all contact with her. Abort abort abort.

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRian_Stone 53 points54 points  (6 children)

I wouldn't be hard on yourself. you had a mission, you went for it.

you had a standard in your home, and you met it.

And like we all say 'when she cheats, you will probably never know' and you didn't at first. Once you found out, it's how you act that makes the difference. In your case, you deliberately set yourself up for success. You didn't make a scene, cry, or beg. you didn't pretend it didn't happen. you just took your shit and left.

The only, and this is a small nitpick, that you even bothered explaining any of this. Once you decided it was over, you could have just cut contact. She won't give closure, she doesn't deserve it either.

And your lessons are good lessons. Largely the reason why the new guys here are fucking horrible at following any part of TRP. It's one of those lessons that 'you have to learn for yourself, the hard way' aparently for about 90% of it.

Also why the guys who find their way to TRP/MRP have to have something fuck em over before they do. We are ego invested, and very stupid as a gender. We tend to avoid playing for blood, until we've lost a few games.

End of the day, you controlled the only thing you could... you.

:On a second read, when you were unemployed, a lot of guys have issue with being less busy, and make up for it with extra placation. Clean house, sure.... you're a guy who loves a clean house, it's your standard. The running errands for her? No reason to turn into a supplicating housewife.

[–]Kingofdeadbedroom 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She needs to be no more than a plate. She should gain no benefit from your time or money.

[–]OGlancellannister 60 points61 points  (10 children)

Yes we all know the nature of women, but just so we don't poison the well here, this girl is without a doubt worse than most. Much worse than any girl I've dated, that's for sure. The bad talking behind your back is just heinous behaviour, while lying and cheating to your face. Definitely great point about the red flags as there were many; the craziness was high in this one.

Tough read and good on you for getting out brother, even better the way you did it — in a masculine, no nonsense way. It would be easy to look for revenge, or to bitch and moan about it, but why let her occupy any more space in your emotions and mind than she already has. Plus the best revenge in situations like this is no contact and no emotion. Women crave the emotions and drama breakups provide, because it will reaffirm how much she meant to you. Good luck in the future, it sucks, but it sounds like you've learned a lot. Better times lay on the horizon!

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRian_Stone 35 points36 points  (8 children)

Replace 'most' with 'many' and you're catching on

[–]AwakenedSovereign 18 points19 points  (4 children)

More girls are like this than most men are comfortable believing. Even the guys here on TRP. I walk around these days seeing some BP fucks with hot girlfriends.. sometimes I feel a bit like Cipher. They might be ignorant fucks, but they are temporarily happy in their ignorance. I'm not yet fully into the acceptance phase so I still have some anger and hesitation.. I think.. what if I could forget? It would make talking to girls easier if I didn't see the demon behind their eyes.

But then I remember the tinder sluts repeating how they had a boyfriend while I railed them, because it turned them on. The three week long fuckfest with a girl whose BF was back at college. The married with children MILF. And I'm a lightweight. I've seen far more shit my higher value male friends partake of.. in ways and in places and with people you wouldn't even think of.

There is no going back. Some girls might be better than others.. but they are all like that. Sooner or later.

[–]sd4c 10 points11 points  (3 children)

Boyfriend is jack shit. Husband is jack shit.

Fucking is just a way for chicks to use their weaponized vagina on you. Vagina + Birth Control = Mind Control Tube.

Stop having feelings for someone who's giving you nothing of tangible value. In 2017, women hand out blowjobs like pencils. They'll hump on or let fuck, any guy they find interesting, cute, or funny.

If they're not the mother of at least one of your kids, you shouldn't bother having feelings for them. Even then, if she's not willing to keep humping you and raise your children selflessly, show her the door.

[–]enadelb 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah you know what they say.. a ring doesn't plug a hole

[–]Psychocist 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Stop having feelings for someone who's giving you nothing of tangible value

Though I don't think there is anything wrong with developing feelings for someone (so long as you maintain an attitude of impermanence), we really do need to hammer it home that women provide very little value to your life once you've got your shit together.

Bit of feminine charm and a vagina. They're just a bit of fun and should not at all be involved in any serious life decisions such as long-term commitments and building families.

[–]sd4c 4 points5 points  (0 children)

and a vagina.

That's just it, a vagina is just a whack-off sleeve unless it can get pregnant. In that case, she's actually taking a huge risk on you, and should be rewarded.

But not too much. We can't hand over the keys to the kingdom, because someone gave us a clone. I believe Patrice O'Neal, said: "Always keep 10% for yourself."

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Yeah exactly this. I didn't find it THAT out of the ordinary, although it is on the more BPD side of things...

[–]SiulaGrande 0 points1 point  (0 children)

definitely the more BPD side

[–]Red_Faust 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Agreed. This chick leans heavily on the Cluster B / BPD side.

While most chicks will increase dissatisfaction, nagging and drama in cohabitation, the rampant cheating and badmouthing is not that common. Fortunately.

We don't know the ages of the parties involved. OP, would you care to tell us?

[–]Senior Endorsed Contributormax_peenor 16 points17 points  (6 children)

And she apparently thought that, because I quit my job and was about to be around him more, that I was gonna either start beating him or take him back to the pound.

All chicks are at least a 4 crazy, but this bitch was in triple digits.

[–]imn0tg00d 14 points15 points  (3 children)

I think she was making that up as a reason because the real reason she was angry is that it would be harder for her to cheat with him being home so much.

[–]cashmoney_x 2 points3 points  (1 child)

This is where guys go wrong. They chalk things up to girls being "crazy" when it's really basic human psychology. All she was doing there was looking for a reason to justify to him her feelings because the real reason was something she could not admit.

[–]RedditDogX 16 points17 points  (0 children)

"instead of wasting one minute moping or feeling sorry for myself, I started planning my escape."

This. You made a mistake. Realized it. And got the F out. Congrats on escaping.

[–]TheLaughingRhino 1 points1 points [recovered]

When a woman says, it's OK to do this ( to her detriment in some way) or she would not be angry if you did that ( again, to her detriment or perception of it in some way) you have to translate it.

Here's a good example, the roof is leaking. She says, No, no, I don't want you climbing up there to fix it, it's dangerous!

Translation - Fix it, right now, you motherfucker. It's your fault you didn't predict the weather in the first place and fix it before. IF you get up there and fall, I don't want to have to feel bad about it because I said something, or worse, look bad to others, because they might find out I nagged you about it and then you fell off the roof. I wish I had Chad/Tyrone's dick in my mouth right now. Fuck you. What's in it for me? Whats on NetFlix? Fuck you. It's been 5 minutes, why is the roof not fixed. I want you to fix it, say nothing, and have me say, it's OK not to climb up there, so I can get exactly what I want, when I want it and how I want it, without any accountability or responsibility whatsoever. Never mind trying to communicate to you like a functioning adult, why do that when I can starfish you and cut you off from sex since I'd rather be with Chad/Tyrone right now. Did I mention Fuck You?

P.S. How are you going to pay for all my presents, on Valentines Day, my birthday, mothers day, Xmas, anniversary, etc, etc so I can show off to my "friends" and coworkers and get validation and attention if you don't have a fucking job?

P.P.S. I resent you because there are not enough tall rich hung dudes with trust funds and the social life of Derek Jeter to fuck me hard over a pool table. But you are good enough right now to pay my bills and socially validate that I'm not so deficient that I have to be alone. Me...ME....ME....ME!

Base lesson - As long as you are doing what you think is "right" to your code, then ignore what women say and do what you want to do anyway.

Even in my youth, when I was painfully blue pill, I knew intuitive to never trust a single word coming out of a woman's mouth who has some kind of incentive to try to get something from you.

[–]Starter91 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Now i want to join the monastery , fuck this shit .

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Joining a monastery and avoiding women sounds more in line with MGTOW or Incel. I see TRP as the communication of the true nature of women, and those 2 groups as communities that choose to react a certain way to that truth.

Remember brother, she'll always want to fuck Chad, but whose to say you're not Chad? If you aren't, then you got some work to do.

[–]cashmoney_x 2 points3 points  (0 children)

5 years since I've dealt with this bullshit and I truly have never been better.


[–]1empatheticapathetic 6 points7 points  (3 children)

What a story. And a great objective self analysis of the whole event. I want to buy you a beer for the way you handled that shit.

My takeaway from this story is the woman will never take responsibility for what she wants. She'll instead risk ruining people's lives in the process. She wants validation for her shitty ex. And then also her shitty bf. And then her shitty living situation issues. And whatever else she can muster. But it ends at validation. She doesn't actually want you to move in with her, although it solves the problem. Now she needs new problems, and the whole "living together" issues begin.

As you said, don't LTR a plate.

[–]1PantsonFire1234 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Spot on. It's about validation. Her life experience is boredom and depression. And this can only be elevated through constant emotional feedback in the form of male validation. Also pets, females and family but this gives her a lower hit if you will.

Living with the girl killed the chase and lowered his value in her eyes. He became more real and less intangible. So the attention and thus validation he gave her, made less of an impact. But asshole manipulator ex-boyfriend remained an option. This made her feel better about herself and less bored/empty/sad.

[–]kasper138 2 points3 points  (1 child)

How do we even know the ex-bf is anything that she said he was when she's clearly the ass hole manipulator? Why is everyone so quick to throw this other dude under the bus? He even says she was saying the same things about him to the ex.

[–]1PantsonFire1234 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We don't. I once had a girlfriend like that for a short duration. She made her ex out to be a huge jerk. But in pictures he didn't appear anything but your typical AFC. She however turend out to be one nasty can of worms. And just like OP's story it was constant push and pull. The guy was just reacting to her constant shifts in attitude.

Why is everyone so quick to throw this other dude under the bus?

I just use the name dubbed by her, there's not a single moment where I suspected this guy to be what she said he was. He's only reacting to her condition. She projects her manipulative nature unto others and those others in turn are forced to manipulate her in a vain attempt to keep her. The reality is that women like that can't be kept, not even for a short while.

I've run into tons of women like that and they remain fascinating. But it's a double edged sword. Very fun in the beginning, unpleasant in the end. Perfect little girls when you meet them but when the image starts to crack you see the nasty and the bad.

[–]dontgiveupcarib 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry to hear this happened to you. Hypergamy will destroy socialism and society will return to its tribal nature.

[–]DarkSummit90 8 points9 points  (3 children)

She used you as her, scapegoat. It's a second option in case something goes wrong with Ex 1. Until, she patches things up. Her first boyfriend always wins because she's an abused individual that has succumb to that particular kind of treatment. In a way, it's like a drug that only intensifies with each reoccurring moment of abuse. The worse the pain, the stronger the relationship.

Those signs were all in your face and it's unfortunate you had to live through that. Believe me when I say, I encountered a very similar dilemma and never recognized the signs until it was too late. The love we have for someone always supersedes rational thought. However, it's must be a relief for you to have left. We tend to let our guard down to those who've seen us vulnerable and it's the hardest felt guilt when that betrayal hits home, coming from an loved one. It's most certainly the case when she badmouthed on ex in front of you. Unfortunately, you will be on the receiving end of that kind of smack talk once she reacquainted with her ex. The hardest felt lesson is to recognize the signs and instantly make haste while you're not as invested.

[–]NotMyBestEffort 4 points5 points  (2 children)

I hate to be this picky, but when you made ESCAPE GOAT bold letter, I feel it is important enough to correct you. The term is SCAPEGOAT not escape goat - which is what it has morphed into recently.

[–]SovereignSoul76 2 points3 points  (0 children)

John and Steve would not have gotten away from the bank robbery, had they not planned ahead and brought their escape goats with them.

[–]SiulaGrande 11 points12 points  (0 children)

If a girl has everything in common with you, she's pandering - there are no unicorns.

this is a biiiiiig one. it's gotten me a couple times.

you will NEVER find a chick that has everything in common with you. EVER. when this happens, it is because she's trying to get you and is being manipulative to present a much more appealing image of her. beware. do NOT LTR girls like this. if a girl isn't genuine, that's a red flag for way more serious trustworthiness issues.

in life in general, if people agree with everything you say, they aren't being truthful. huuuge huge lesson in life. no one is 100% identical to you, and people who seem that way are not genuine and have an agenda. beware.

If a girl's pursuing you super hard, something is probably wrong with her

this is a good one too. girls can show lots of positive interest to your advances, but that's exactly it: positive interest to YOUR advances, not hers. if a girls is going out of her way and hardcore pursuing YOU, then beware. something is off with her. (your "conniving slut alarm" should be sounding off to this one).

I fell back into old beta goober habits thinking "she likes me for who I am, I don't have to put on some act". Mistake.

this i disagree with somewhat. i understand what you meant, but you don't have to "put on an act" with women, you just have to treat them like women. start treating them like guys (being too casual with them, talking about random boring shit, not being sexual or flirtatious, going and doing non-sexual activities with them too often) and they'll get turned the fuck off. because they're women. they don't want to be treated like a guy.

the key to this frame of mind is just evolving the part of you that interacts with women to understand what parts of you are appealing and what actions on your part are appealing. this way you are still being true to yourself while simply engaging with them and treating them like women. this is just the key difference. when you talk to your boss, you don't talk to them like your boys; but that's not putting on an act, that's just a different part of your social skills that you use to engage with people in professional situations. when you talk to your boys, you don't talk to them like their your bosses or coworkers or anything; and that's not putting on an act either, that's just using another facet of your social skills to engage with them on the proper basis. engaging with women is the same: you just need to find and hone the part of your social skills that engage with women, and this comes from understanding deeply, at your core, that women are sexual beings and your interactions should be on the basis of sex (sexual conversation, escalating towards sexual activity, flirting, etc etc). you talk to your boss and coworkers professionally, you talk to your boys casually, and you talk to your girls/women sexually.

many people don't understand this and find themselves in a moral dilemma where they think they're not being themselves by applying TRP and spitting game and "putting on a front", when in reality you aren't putting on a front, you're just presenting a side of your self that until now was undeveloped. I treat the women in my life very differently from the people with other roles in my life, but it is natural. it is genuine to who I am and congruent with my personality, my character, and my morals. it is the sexual side of me: the side of me that wants to grab a woman and fuck her, the side of me that wants to be cocky and tease women sexually, the romantic, sexual, adventurous side of me.

but i understand what you meant

[–]WISE_TURD 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I dated a girl like this a long time ago. There's a lot of talk about possessing dark triad traits, but i believe avoiding dark triad women is even more important.

These are the types of women that will falsely accuse someone of rape.

"The psychopath test" by Jon Ronson is a good resource for quickly spotting a psychopath.

[–]dcis27 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Bro. So much props for you. I'm glad you found an outlet to release this bundle of shit so that you don't have to carry it with you like a badge on your shoulder. The most important part of this story is that you can actually be proud of yourself for taking the high road. Yeah, you made mistakes, big fucking deal. We all have. But guess what? You learned so much about yourself. When out of Monk Mode, make a few close friends at a more social job that can give you a passage to a more healthy social group (not saying your social network isn't good, just mentioning the importance of a trustworthy few that you can be yourself around). Surround yourself with people who are committed to other people and their ideas for their own personal growth. Good luck man. Life is long and there are plenty of fish

[–]dontbedenied 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Pretty much the same thing happened to me, right down to the politics and "manipulative Ex". I My Ex came after me HARD, despite (or perhaps because of) the fact that she was a devout "feminist" (she turned out to be a huge hypocrite but whatever) and me being a big Trump fan. It didn't take long for our fun arguments about politics to turn into me being a confirmed white supremacist and woman-hater.

Oh yeah, and I had, according to her, pulled her out of a toxic relationship. I was constantly the nice guy, never rocking the boat, literally doing everything I could to make her happy. Which was retarded but in fairness, she was a lunatic and there was no salvaging the relationship. No woman wants a spineless doormat, ESPECIALLY women who are legitimately attracted to abusive men, and those women should be avoided anyway.

All of your points are spot on. Believe the red flags. There are no unicorns, and a walking, breathing red flag certainty isn't one.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

man. I feel you.

This basically happened to me for past 2 years. I've been used.

Recovering from this shit myself. stay strong man

[–]Bing400 1 point2 points  (6 children)

You cucked yourself by signing that lease. You let go of your freedom and her pussy in one gesture of the hand

[–]shabadiddlle-oo 1 points1 points [recovered]

In my own defense, I was looking for a new place at the same time that her roommate moved out, because my house was falling apart and my landlord was a slum lord. So it's not like I dropped everything in some penultimate retarded nice guy gesture. At the time it felt like I was killing two birds with one stone.

BUT, you're 100% right, I cucked myself. Shouldn't have moved in with her.

[–]Bing400 0 points1 point  (4 children)

No the main part of what I'm saying is LAW. Even beyond the bs about where you live and the girl and anything else.

You signed something unwisely. You legally pigeon-holed yourself.

Idk man, did you consider the legal implications? Tell us about the thought process, maybe we'll be able to avoid it ourselves.

[–]shabadiddlle-oo 1 points1 points [recovered]

Legal implications of what, taking over the remaining 3 months of a lease? My thought process went, "well, if this ends badly, at least it's only 90 days of bullshit"

I made it through the first 3 months no problem. When I left, I put in my 30 days with the apartment manager and made sure I was paid up. Not sure if I'm properly answeing your question.

[–]Bing400 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Eh.. 3 months ain't too bad really + you weren't broke. I don't think you lost much, if anything you reduced your rent and other costs, so it was a book unto your finances.

I wonder how we can squeeze half as much knowledge from your post than you have through living this. I would have thought the same thing as you, as in "it's only 90 days" so idk man I fear I'll fall in similar traps, I empathize with you, what you did seems... Okay to do. But it wasn't. It seemed.

[–]shabadiddlle-oo 1 points1 points [recovered]

I guess the best way to avoid these situations is to be totally 100% rational all of the time. Which is easier said than done

[–]kasper138 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You reminded me of this for some reason...

[–]ZacCrowell 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You remind me of me last year brother. My ex always hit me with the "abusive ex" story and acted just like your cunt ex. Broke up with her the day after Christmas when she told me she still loves the guy. Fast forward to today and I'm in a different state making twice as much as I was when I was with her. And guess where she is? Back with what's his face. Hope life is treating you well. Your story opened my eyes to how much better I'm doing now that I'm not with her.

[–]beginner_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Moving in / living together is just a huge step you should never do lightly. In fact you should only and really only do it if you want kids and with that woman. Else, don't do it.

Why is it so hard:

** Tons of tiny seemingly irrelevant things you do differently **

But which annoy the shit out of her or you. hence fighting will happen and often especially early on after moving together. If sucks at conflicts and conflict resolution, forget it. Having had 3 major fights prior to moving in together is a minimum requirement.

Common stuff: - cleaning how often and how well - orderliness - cooking & groceries - laundry ...

Example that annoys me: Taking out the trash bag and not putting in a new one.

We can talk all along about frame and stuff but if you live together, you won't get around compromises. This is basically like a salary negotiation. OK, they don't want to give that much but maybe better benefits? If you compromise, ask for something in return that is more valuable than what you lose.

** Easier to comply than fight **

So you have been fighting a lot and now she asks you to bring out the trash. And when they ask the mean "Do it now or I get mad and angry". You are really not in the mood to do that right now. Also you will walk there in the morning anyway when going to work so what's the rush? But then you realize the drama that will ensue and your evening will be ruined so you still do it. The longer you take this easy way out, the harder it is to later change course. Also the evening will be ruined because you are either forced to leave so she can't bother you or stay but can't do whatever you wanted to do. If you don't live together you can just go home or kick her out.

And with all that fighting and drama it's hard to impossible to always keep frame and never get caught up in emotions and lose your stoic aspect.

These are the 3 main factors a lot of relationships go south when moving in together.

[–]Tokestra420 1 point2 points  (2 children)

It's amazing how so many people from this sub have bad experiences with women. It's almost like there's a common factor.....

[–]pondhockeyguyrevived 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Man posts like this scare the shit out of me..Im in a nice relationship and the heirarchy is pretty clear and im 99% sure she's a good one.. but ya never know.

[–]RepostGhostCst2Cst 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reading this made my stomach turn. Sounds eerily like my story... Good luck brother

[–]redbeaux 2 points3 points  (4 children)

I'm curious to know, did any RP wisdom go through your mind when signs began to appear? Do you still believe in unicorns after this?

I'm really asking for the guy that's reading and thinking (just like you used to) that he's somehow different and this won't happen to him.

[–]shabadiddlle-oo 1 points1 points [recovered]

One fight we got into, was over the tone of my voice when I asked her where the nearest ATM to our apartment was. Same shit, she cried when I wouldn't say sorry and then got angry when I wouldn't console her because she was crying. She said " if this is how you treat women then you'll NEVER be able to have a fucking daughter, she'll wind up being a stripper"

It was then that I thought, "hmm, maybe she's nuts"

[–]evergonitenitenigga 4 points5 points  (5 children)

not to kick you while you're down but if im gona guess the ex gives it to her better than you. im sorry. but i bet my life the ex was more rough, was more kinky, was more creative, and much more abusive and dominant in the bedroom. its really not about dick size, im filipino go figure. im fucking 4 girls in my rotation atm 3 white, 1 latina. 1 (the latina) has a long time boyfriend (they live together), 1 is seeing someone, 2 are only seeing me. the two that are 'involved' keeps coming back. why? because i fulfill their fantasy. thats it. no emotional shit. not bc im a smooth talker and i got game. no. im kinky and dominant in the bedroom, thats it. yes i know im a shitbag for doing this but im just straight up assuming and this information could help you. now, do i get on beta mode and 'fall in love' sometimes? yes. fuck yes. we're only humans. we can't deny feelings. some days i think im in love with the one who has a live-in boyfriend but i have to keep myself in check and just play my role as a dominant alpha fuck that she doesn't get from home (this latina's bf is a redneck neckbeard white guy). good luck to you and i wish you well and thank you for sharing your story. i feel compelled to write you this long ass comment bc your 'unicorn' sounds like my number 1 (the latina who has a boyfriend). cheers.

[–]kasper138 3 points4 points  (2 children)

I figured the same thing about the ex but the rest of your post is just you patting yourself on the back.

[–]BlueCollarAsshole 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Why bring politics into this? Not every redpiller is a trump supporter who shits on john oliver and liberals. You'll find a lot of smart people on here who have evidence-based political views, which often lands on the left. You sounds like a whiny little girl

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Not really sure how anyone can reconcile leftism with a practical, RP worldview but OK.

[–]bgbusiness 1 points1 points [recovered]

Sorry to hear that and thanks for sharing this story when your memories are still vivid and pain is lingering.

On the other hand, I have some questions for you. What were some of the red flags that you have ignored that you might be open to sharing?

[–]shabadiddlle-oo 1 points1 points [recovered]

Other red flags... Hmm.. She smoked astronomical amounts of weed (10-15 bowls + 1g concentrates per day) and said it didn't get her high

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Never take a stoner seriously. If she smokes, she pokes. Pretty much all stoner chicks are sluts, lol

[–]1PantsonFire1234 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well I know two who are still virgins and they smoke. But their behavior is congruent with a future slut yes. So a more accurate description would be to state that women who engage in substance abuse are erratic and unstable. And this often leads to slutting around.

Now again, you will find that most girls are in today's world so you aren't filtering anything with these red flags. You have a higher chance finding a shiny in a Pokémon game.

[–]drsherbert 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That's gotta be doing some psychological damage. I don't care what anyone says.

[–]Jyontaitaa 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you handled yourself very well on the exit.

You just leave without anger and don't explain; she knows in her heart of hearts why you left and if she doesn't then she deserves to have her head spin for a bit anyway.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I think the main take away from this is proper vetting and not jumping in. If she cheated on you this quickly, then she is especially fucked in the head or alpha widowed. It takes a little longer than that for a woman to get bored and want new dick/attention and meet some dude at work that makes her feel special and alive again. She did this so quickly, and love bombed you, that I'm guessing she's strongly cluster b.

[–]askmrcia 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yea i think most of us agree that this woman was not normal at all and clearly fucked in the head

[–]ucfgavin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like you dodged a bullet...nice work sir.

[–]Starter91 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nothing wrong with a monk mode, no stress no unpleasant situations, kinda not bad if you ask me .

[–]AnInstant 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This wimyn was just crazy dude. You could spot giant red flag when she shared all interests with you. I may be not the best TRP example lately cuz TRP changed to misogynistic shit with anger phase flowing around but I do live with a girl in my apartament for more than a year and she doesn't do single shit your ex did. You just have to spot the girl early on if she's good to live with. I risked much but it's working. Maybe problem is i'm from eastern country so our women aren't so soaked with modern feminism etc.

[–]Starter91 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't get one thing, was it so hard for her to say i cheated i am breaking up pack your stuff and leave? Why did the guy have to leave? When he brought her in?

[–]Fedor_Gavnyukov 0 points1 point  (0 children)

damn son. had a similar experience, just not as bad as yours. fuck em. do your thing.

[–]martinger 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I somehow had a funny and satisfying feeling: that poor ex-guy. Hahahaha Be happy you got rid of her and learned a good lesson

[–]jgwould714 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just general advice that seems applicable here, if you don't like the way your being treated, stick up for yourself or gtfo.

[–]int3rsys 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Read everything. Take it as a lesson. You seem like a very strong guy though,I'm sure you will bounce back.

[–]Creakic 0 points1 point  (0 children)


You cant stop them from cheating even if you are james bond , what matters is how you react to their cheating . IMO one shouldnt even blink or get surprised , keep the frame and smirk .

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