Before TRP, before I realized I need to change for me, before I knew what Alpha and Beta behaviors were, I was the guy that always seemed to go out of his way for people. I was the guy that felt guilty for not dropping a five dollar bill into the Salvation Army bucket at Christmas time. I was the "friend" that people hung out with when they wanted a free drink.
Did I ever want to do these things? No, not really! But I did them out of guilt. I felt if I didn't help my buddy move, even though I was exhausted from working all day, I wasn't a "good enough" friend/ person. I never knew the word "NO"! I found myself being taken advantage of often times and it was becoming more and more frequent.
Let's fast forward a little bit to the present. I now know that the only thing I can change is me and how I respond. If I don't want to do something genuinely I have the option to say "no" simply because.
Here are three examples of my personal change:
In times before, I would be on my front porch smoking (yes, I know smoking is bad. Yes, I'm trying to quit... shut the fuck up and get over it) when a guy would walk by and ask for a cigarette. "Sure" I would say. I've been there before and it sucks. I noticed it was the same guy over and over and more frequently. I'm support both our habits now and I can barely afford my own. Enough is enough... "no, you can't have a smoke buddy." He stops asking now.
FWB and I got really drunk. She wanted sex and I was in no shape for that. I said "no, I'm too drunk and it won't be good for either of us." And it was left at that. Not an once of guilt and I saved us from a terrible experience (I'm really clumsy when I'm drunk).
Two females texted me up tonight and asked if I wanted to go eat. I was at home packing for a few days of work and they were just getting out of the club. "Sure, swing by and pick me up." I knew exactly why they wanted me to go... I was a free lunch ticket, but that was before. We ate and had a good time laughing and flirting. At the point of leaving the establishment I asked "so, y'all are paying right? After all you did ask me out." The reply was "no, you're paying". I knew it. "I'm paying for mine and you two need to figure the rest out between you." I replied. Not today ladies, not today. With a sad look they paid their own while I grinned all the way to the car. Saying "no" felt good.
Understand that it's ok to say no. The world don't owe you a damn thing and you don't owe it anything either. If you don't genuinely want to help, you don't have to and if you lose a "friend" over that word (no), were they ever really your friend? I suppose not. When you say "no" more often you'll notice your confidence will also increase, because you said it and the world didn't fall apart.
I'm not sure if this post belongs here or not. I just felt like someone out there could learn this lesson and apply it to their personal life. Stay cool and keep growing!