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Blue Pill ExampleStop Trying To Cover Your Neediness Up With Your Words. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by 1TrenGod37

If you’re trying to use your words to portray “non-neediness,” what you’re really doing is spritzing your “alpha” smelling word cologne, on your pile of shit reeking neediness in hopes she won’t smell it.

If she is acting up and you’re communicating with your words that you “won’t be treated that way” or “you don’t care how this interaction ends up because you’re so “care free” you’re really doing the exact opposite.

If you want to show non-neediness stop trying to talk your way into it. Remove yourself, your attention. And give it to someone/something that deserves it.

“I met this girl and I told her if she didn’t like what I had to offer. there’s the door”

“You don’t want to fuck me? That’s cool I can get any woman I want!”

“I’m over my ex/oneitis, but I texted her to ask her [anything]”

“She wouldn’t sleep with me and I told her. I don’t do the friend zone. It’s either fuck me or fuck off”

“You won’t speak to me like that. So don’t do it again”

“No girl of mine is going to do [insert what she did that you “won’t allow”]

Did you smell it? The stench of weakness? She does.

If you’re trying to show you’re non-needy or carefree and you’re doing it by any other way than your actions. Guess what princess. You’re a needy fuck, you care too much and she knows it.

This brings us to the inevitable “but it’s good to have boundaries Trengod37. How am I supposed to create boundaries if I don’t drill them in her head?”

Easy. You create them by (and take out your paper and pen for this one) not dealing with someone who crosses them. Your boundaries are there for YOU, they are what you will and won’t tolerate. They are not there for her to negotiate.

If you’re discussing your boundaries with her. You have already lost.

I mean yea even a cliff may have a sign right before it saying “beware cliff ahead, walk at your own risk” but that sign doesn’t need to be there to know. It’s a fucking cliff and you get to close to the edge you’re probably going to die. You think if that sign wasn’t there she’s going to go running off it and come back saying “well I didn’t know!”

Absolutely not. So why are you letting her do that when it comes to you and your boundaries?

Stop trying to trick women into thinking you’re not needy, you’re a carefree, alpha manly man with boundaries by talking about it.

I’ve seen a lot of post of guys thinking they are acting smooth, carefree, and non needy but they’re doing it with their words and it has the opposite effect because it’s giving her leverage.

Don’t talk about it. Be about it. Stfu, and stop dealing with anything that crosses you. And if you’re trying to be a less needy guy. The only way to do that is by taking your attention else where (ideally on yourself)


[–]Frenetic_Zetetic 71 points72 points  (0 children)

This is why I refuse to spend more than 60 minutes on the internet per day.

Too much reading, not enough APPLICATION OF ACTION.

You learn through doing, not reading. You learn more from doing things "wrong", than reading things "right" and never doing.

[–]Endorsed ContributorUrsusG 55 points56 points  (3 children)

TL, DR: Demonstrate, don't explicate

[–]slumdog-millionaire 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Yea, a man's power is in walking away, not threatening to walk away. It can be a difficult power to exercise but you need to get used to exercising it. Thing is, women don't exercise their power to say yes or nor very often, they usually leave it at a maybe and proceed with their shit tests and whatever the fuck else. So you're already doing something that most won't be doing if you walk away and then inevitably when she realizes you've walked away she'll come to you.

[–]Zepode1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The fact that this comment has only 32 upvotes says a lot about how many guys here are reading the books they should be reading.

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorCopperFox3c 26 points27 points  (11 children)

I don't disagree with your general message, but as far setting boundaries, I would contend that you can do so either thru words or actions. The key is to let go of your ego when doing so.

Alot of people conflate setting boundaries with lashing out at someone when you are disappointed by their behavior, which is really just an ego defense mechanism, to express your "hurt". But boundaries are simply about being authentic, to yourself and the world around you. No covert contracts or any of that other bullshit.

I would agree that, in the end, if people don't honor your boundaries, you simply walk away. But at the same time, I have had success in the past by simply saying "I don't like that" in a calm, understated way.

If folks want to read more about boundaries, I'd encourage them to read Jophil's frame reports from back in the day: Jophil - Being a Man with Boundaries

[–]1TrenGod37[S] 13 points14 points  (6 children)

Most boundaries don’t need to be communicated through words. If she doesn’t know that going to the bar every weekend with her single friends as a women in a relationship is crossing a boundary it’s likely she’s not a woman you should be dating in the first place.

If she doesn’t know that she shouldn’t disrespect you in front of other people (or at all). Not only is this something that shouldn’t need to be verbally communicated. It’s likely an issue with how she views you And your lack of being a leader in the relationship.

If you’re letting these things slide with a warning it’s likely you care too much about making it work and she will most certainly do it again with the intent you let it slide once, You probably will again. And most guys do

My point is the women you are likely to call quality women won’t need to be told what to do. They will already know.

On top of that the goal is to reach a point where you’re such high value she wouldn’t do anything to step on your toes and potentially piss you off and lose you. I realize most men will never reach that level but that’s the goal.

Edit: I want to make it clean I’m talking about serious boundaries. Not petty shit like leaving her hairdryer on the counter. These things can be communicated

[–]JustSomeThief 1 points1 points [recovered]

It sounds like your post is about monogamous LTRs.

A man shouldnt give 3 shits about whether his FWB or plate is getting 4 wayed in bar bathrooms

[–]1TrenGod37[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes I was. In that example

[–]trpcounsel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have tremendous problems with this. Obviously plates/FWBs are nonexclusive but do you really want to be banging some sloot that's getting 4 way'd in a bar bathroom? Call it ONEitis but if I found out a plate/FWB was taking all KINDS of dick... that's a next. No?

[–]1PantsonFire1234 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Yes but where do you draw the line. Sometimes women honestly have no clue.

[–]donttouchmykicks 1 points1 points [recovered]

women don't know anything until they know everything, and toiletries are negotiable. welcome to trp

[–]1PantsonFire1234 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not even sure what you tried to say here. My point was that if a woman has an annoying habbit there's nothing bad about that out.

[–]womans_algorithm 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Thank you, I was looking for comment from trp endorsed user. OP's examples of wording boundaries are all coming from a weak place - with man's ego. Like you said, there is nothing wrong with calmly saying "I don't like that".

Besides, as we know, women are like children, and with children you don't show boundaries by not dealing with them (the children), like OP is saying. You show boundaries with your body language and telling the kids that this and this thing is not ok to do.

[–]1PantsonFire1234 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Another way would be to say that your wording has to come from confidence and conviction in your opinion. With the know how that you can back up your words with a soft next because you have other options.

[–]womans_algorithm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly, and what you said is everything that needs to be said regarding this topic.

[–]1PantsonFire1234 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Agreed, sometimes you have to use words. It's about knowing when and knowing when not. Also you have to back it up. If you use words but buckle when the girl ignores your commands you are fucked.

Stating you don't like something is being opinionated and a picky asshole. And that's also something women like in a man. In fact I have tried to be the actions and no words guy in relationships and it always ended up in misunderstandings and drama.

You tell the bitch you don't tolerate behavior X and then you give her less attention until she shows behavior Z. That's how you do it.

[–]Sym4niX 99 points100 points  (13 children)

Kudos. The message here (as I see it) is LIVE IT. Less talk, more action. Easier said than done for some - for others, it comes naturally. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Some strengths are simply naturally suited to laying pipe in HB9+.

IMHO, the "fake it till you make it" bullshit smells like PUA crap for wannabes. Or just PUA crap in general. Make it - then you will BE IT naturally. SMV sets the tone for ultimatums - if yours is higher, you win. If not - you lose. Period. You cannot negotiate attraction, or (mainly) the resulting power (basis for ultimatums).

Be better. Be more. Always. Your greatest enemy AND competition is yourself, and has nothing to do with women.

You will never achieve anything but the next goal you set - so set goals. Achieve them. Repeat. Not rocket science, but at the same time - not easy to put into practice.

Natural selection - PROVE that you are meant to survive and procreate. Or GTFO and stop taking up my air. Leave it for those worthy of seeding the next gen. There are no shortcuts. Read the sidebar - that's the biggest head start you get. Good luck.

[–]Torabor64 39 points40 points  (10 children)

When it comes to confidence, faking it is making it, honestly.

[–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet 39 points40 points  (1 child)

Guys here need to understand that doing it is being it.

It only feels like "faking" because your brain hasn't caught up with your body.

[–]1TrenGod37[S] 20 points21 points  (6 children)

When it comes to confidence. Experience is making it.

You can fake it till you have it. But to obtain it is to have the experience. If you’re faking it and not putting yourself in situations that will build your confidence. You’re not going to obtain it.

[–]Torabor64 9 points10 points  (5 children)

We are saying the same thing. Faking confidence is putting yourself in situations that make you uncomfortable.

[–]1TrenGod37[S] 5 points6 points  (4 children)

That’s called gaining experience. Faking it is acting like you already have the experience.

[–]Torabor64 8 points9 points  (3 children)

You can't fake being confident sitting in your room not doing shit. The way you get the experience is acting as if you already had the experience, you try to appear confident in situations that you aren't that confident, in other words, you fake it. Faking it is literally the same as doing it. This is just semantics.

[–]BreakingRed_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's why I always preferred the "forge it until you make it" wording more. You never fake that you stopped smoking or drinking. You never fake that you're suddenly French or German because you learned a couple of words.

It's only when we talk about changing your expected behavior to something different than your upbringing just happened to be that we talk about "faking until". Every other intervention to affect your brain's plasticity towards adapting your skills or habits are fair game, it's only behavioral adaptation that gets people to avoid risk-taking even more.

You can do it by talking to the mirror and visualization but, do you want to do it right or do it in any way whatsoever as long as you do it? The right way is shutting the fuck up and embrace your discomfort as you approach girls, say "no" to people who use you etc. Fuck the mirror.

[–]1TrenGod37[S] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Yea you can I did for years in high school. I didn’t do shit but read theories, then when I got outside I tried to act confident but it only gets you so far and it’s mostly through motivation. The way you get experience...is by getting experience.

I have the confidence to approach any woman I want. Why do I have that confidence? Not because I faked it or acted like I approached a bunch of women before, at first I didn’t and I had no idea what that was like. But Because I literally approached 100000 women learned from each interaction. Realized rejection/failure isn’t shit and noticed what worked majority of the time. Now it doesn’t even matter.

True confidence comes from doing/experience/repeating something over and over.

Faking it till you make it is just a way to motivate you on your journey to gaining those experience.

Prime example. I had to public speak a couple weekends ago. I never done much public speaking before. So my goal was fake it till I make it. But I had NO idea what was about to happen. Was my voice going to crack? Would I forget my bullet points? Would people laugh at my jokes?

You can’t fake that shit because you don’t know what to expect or what will happen. After I did it I then gained the experience and learned what to do better next time.

You can’t tell someone to fake something they have never done before.

Here fly this plane.

But I never flew a plane before?

Ah. Fuck it. Fake it till you make it!

[–]Torabor64 4 points5 points  (0 children)

As I said, we agree on what should be done to become confident. We simply have different meanings for "faking it". This discussion is pointless.

[–]complyordie222 3 points4 points  (0 children)

As with all TRP theory involving an LTR (see dread game), the biggest struggle is actually having the balls to implement it despite the stakes at play - the risk of losing your precious 'one-itus'.

It is however this very IDGAF attitude that will provoke the desired response from your LTR.

As OP states this should never be done verbally. Overtly declaring your un-neediness is like failing a shit test that was never even set. NEVER rely on words to prove your status.

[–]redvelvet_oreo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Im just reposting my comment that i had replied to someone else about "fake it to you make it"

You know I kind of get annoyed by the term "fake it till you make it" and how people bash it. The label it self is negative. You really are trying to develop a mindset.

You have to start thinking a certain way to starting believing you are a certain way. Obviously you will have to make adjustments in your life to make this more genuine. But its really not faking it its more like training your self.

Think about people training to fight and shoot in the military. They practice and practice and it may be at "fake paper targets" but this is what they rely on when they get in the battlefield. Same with any other field. Of course real world experience will always be dramatically different but when all else fails you hang on to your training.

So I like to think of it you are developing a mind set and training your self to be alpha not faking it till you make it.

[–]xgozax 11 points12 points  (6 children)

I just learned this on my own recently by being the guy you describe as using words instead of actions to display non neediness. I have come to the same conclusion and really appreciate your post! One thing that's been hard to wrap my head around is the fact that clear verbal communication has always been taught to me to be the mature way to handle any social situation and just ignoring someone after you see them cross your boundaries without explaining to them first what your boundaries are seemed to be an immature way to handle it.

[–]1TrenGod37[S] 14 points15 points  (5 children)

Yep I agree. This was something I also had a hard time dealing with. I tried to talk my way out of everything. I thought I was good at it. I thought I was winning but really I was just trying to fight to get in the last word. She would stop arguing with me and I would chalk it up as a win. When in reality. She just wanted me to shut up. I didn’t accomplish anything.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 16 points17 points  (4 children)

To be fair, you also probably didn't understand at the time that women don't operate at the level of words.

Discussing is pointless. She lies about the past and lies about the future. The entire discussion will be designed to exonerate her, blame you, and fundamentally she communicates to get something. Like a child she's only interested in "winning", and has zero interest in logical, reasonable, or fair behaviour.

Men may be swayed by the force of your argument.... women will ignore it all the second your back is turned. If they even wait that long.

[–]1TrenGod37[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Exactly! I had no idea at the time

[–]Red_Faust 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I also had to learn it the hard way.

After ~15 years into the game, 2 LTRs and ~40 notches even. One of the most entrenched beliefs to change.

Verbally setting the expectations and rules of the relationship. Verbally leading. Verbally setting boundaries. Verbally announcing the imminent crossing of boundaries. Verbally announcing the consequences for having crossed said boundaries.

All of this, for nothing.

Like talking to the wall.

The ancients had a laconic sentence for this that I should tattoo into my forehead:

Acta non verba

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Verbally setting the expectations and rules of the relationship. Verbally leading. Verbally setting boundaries.

Some of it makes sense.

Eg "Don't do that"

But that's all. Crossing a boundary shouldn't be verbally stated, she'll just argue about it. If you're talking about it, you've already lost. She knows it and she'll negotiate accordingly.

Without any sense of reason or fairplay, she'll just try and undermine your words.

Instead you say "don't do that", the second she does it there are consequences.

And the only consequence that registers in her entitled emotionally-driven girl-brain is your emotional disconnect and absence.

Too many men think they can tell a woman off and have her give a fuck. She simply couldn't care less. She enjoys it, because it shows how much you care and how much you're struggling to make things work with her. She enjoys how beta you look. She's winning. And the more upset you are? The more you care and the more she's winning.

Disconnect and absence however.... scares her. She just lost. She lost you, she lost control, she lost the game. No emotions to squabble over. No emotional shit to throw at you. Terrifying and attractive.

I am not saying this always works. I am saying if this doesn't work, nothing will.

[–]1PantsonFire1234 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And yet women also get insecure when a guys intent ain't clear. You can use words and appear needy. You can only use actions and appear passive aggressive. It's not the medium, it's the message that has to radiate confidence.

Women aren't mind readers. If you don't like a particular thing they keep doing (and it's a minor thing) you simply state. "Don't do that" - "Why?" - "Because it turns me off". Next like you say she will eventually test you covertly. And your words have to be backed up with action. Punishing by reducing attention.

But without the communication you might aswell be guessing that she gets the hint.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (3 children)

I needed this.

I'm VERY new to TRP (5 days) and I'm going back through the all the posts and sidebars, started the 5X5 yesterday, changed my dietary habits, etc.

One of the few changes I made so far was communicating. I stumbled into realizing the vast difference in ending communication when boundaries are crossed as opposed to using those shitty word games. It's been a game changer.

I love it here and thought I'd join the conversation.

[–]1PantsonFire1234 12 points13 points  (2 children)

Don't take everything every guy says to literal. Think for yourself and soak up the stuff you read here. Then discard the bad and keep the good. You will find other posts saying being verbally assertive is recommended. This guys says you should only use actions. It's up to you to figure out "Ah it might be a combination, maybe I need to use some words and back it up with confidence and action".

Part of the red pill is that you think for yourself and follow your own beat. You can learn from others but simply nodding your head to Mr RedPill Teacher makes you just as much of a following beta as before. And this will bleed through every aspect of your personality.

[–]1TrenGod37[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Yes I also totally agree with this. That’s why when guys want a step by step guide to their problems and we rip them a new one and they don’t understand why. Well this is why.

be opened to all the advice and put it to the test with your own personality behind it. That requires putting in some work of your own.

Most guys will say don’t text for more than logistics here. I found my text game is vital to me getting laid. Like we say. Trp is a tool box. You choose what to build and then use the tools to help you build it.

[–]1PantsonFire1234 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Most guys will say don’t text for more than logistics here. I found my text game is vital to me getting laid. Like we say. Trp is a tool box. You choose what to build and then use the tools to help you build it.

This aligns pretty much with my own conclusions. TRP can't asses ever individual situation. That's up to the individual himself. We say to only text for logistics because it's on the safe side. You certainly won't fuck up, appear needy, over text etc if you do that. But there are many cases and girls who do require some text game.

We say AWALT but not every girl is the same. Just like Michael Cera and Ray Lewis aren't the same type of guy. Both want to dominate in their own way certainly. Even a neckbeard wants to dominate his Dungeons & Dragons team. But these two examples are vastly different men in behavior and stature. Same goes for women, they all want to be submissive (mostly) and they all pull the same stunts (hypergamy). But they aren't identical sexually and personality wise. Suggesting so would be spergy af.

Without a free thinking mind TRP is nothing but a holy bible ready to be misinterpreted by the reader and taken completely out of context. Just look at the PUA community and you can see the end result.

[–]EveryoneIsGod 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Needed this heavily, thanks!

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Blackdragon insists that Soft Nexts are the most important tool in the Alpha arsenal.....

And a primary reason to have your own place.

Good post.

[–]Doomfox81 4 points5 points  (0 children)

another gem, very glad i found this subreddit. always dropping knowledge

[–]claptilley 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks. Just exactly what was needed to start my day.

[–]1PantsonFire1234 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Well tbh some of those examples you just gave are perfectly fine in the right circumstance with the right subtlety.

“I met this girl and I told her if she didn’t like what I had to offer. there’s the door”

“She wouldn’t sleep with me and I told her. I don’t do the friend zone. It’s either fuck me or fuck off”

“You won’t speak to me like that. So don’t do it again”

The wording isn't perfect but the communication is loud and clear. If a girl ain't into you supposedly but stil tries to waste your time you make it clear it's either stay and play or go. Same goes if she tries to friendzone you. You could word is more subtly saying you only have sexual interactions with girls. And also if a girl speaks up in a obscene way there's nothing wrong stating you find it a turn off.

There's nothing wrong with asserting your intent verbally. Your actions have to be congruent with your words though. You can opt to use no words and just actions, but at this point you are pretty much winging it in the hopes she gets the hint or you rid yourself off her. Banking on things solving themselves without further misunderstand.

Sometimes you are even forced to use words. Say you invite a date to your house, she tries to make you wait for sex or even friendzone you. What are you gonna do? Just stay quiet and hope she leaves? Eventually the game is up and you have to make it clear.

In this obsession to be the super alpha you forget that men and women still have to communicate. It just has to come from a masculine and confident source. You decide what to say because you believe in your conviction. Not because it's the most 'alpha thing to do' according to TRP textbook.

There's also a difference between a stoic guy who sometimes has to make his point and some needy bitch who constantly tries to control his girl through words while not following up with his actions. When you are a parent you also verbalize intent right? You don't just passive aggressively divert your attention and ignore the child hoping they get the message. Your box of tools should be broad and not limited to one thing that is supposedly more alpha.

So no OP I don't agree with your post as a whole. The core message is good but you would be much more on point if you focused on the words backed up with actions part. And less on the "don't use words, be a silent alpha rock" shit.

[–]Endorsed ContributorMetalgear222 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Accurate post. The only time where discussing boundaries would be acceptable is upon an LTR who makes a mistake but not one serious enough to next her over it. I would look at it as a one-time get out of jail free card.

If she does it again, you would be weak not to enforce the boundary and she deserves being demoted to plate or nexted.

There is another way to go about this, withdrawing attention/time until she comes forth about her mistake and apologizing.

I would under no circumstances attempt verbalizing boundaries on a plate or potential lay

[–]AlKhat 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I really enjoy your writing style. This is also great advice. Thank you

[–]1TrenGod37[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you 🙏🏻 it’s something I just started doing not too long ago and I really enjoy it. Glad I can help

[–]CaptainBW 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Holy fuck shit. This embodies what I've currently been struggling with, and perhaps it comes down to contextual directness. How direct should we be and in what sort of manner? Time is valuable. Actions speak louder than words, but are they as effective as words could be? This advice is redpill...yet at the same time seems to run counter to the notion of Game and neglects how women communicate and shit test. I love this post but maybe I'm just over analyzing shit and want clarification.

[–]NullIsUndefined 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Sometimes your words are actions. For example, if you never tell a girl that she is behaving poorly, that's a needy action. You're let her walk all over you and behave poorly. You should speak up and say "hey, that's not cool I don't like that" when she behaves poorly. If you avoid saying that and obsess over the outcome that she might be offended by you saying that and leave you, then you are pretty needy.

[–]1TrenGod37[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s where everyone is missing the meaning of this post. If you have to tell a woman she’s behaving poorly. You’re too invested. Which means you care too much. Which means you’re needy and also means she doesn’t respect your or see you as a high enough status male

A women who is with a high quality man knows not to treat or act in such a way that might piss him off because he will move on in the blink of an eye.

I have a high quality women whom I never had to tell or communicate a boundary with. She knows my status and knows she’s lucky to be with me. She knows what she should and shouldn’t do. Women aren’t retarded they know what they shouldn’t do and what they can get away with. That’s why there’s shit tests to see what you will allow her to do and not do. To feel out who you really are as a man.

She knows if I have to tell her to stop acting up or being disrespectful. It would be too late. Not only for her. But for me. Because she doesn’t respect me enough

[–]JustSomeThief 1 points1 points [recovered]

What you say goes against a core tennant to the red pill

I have been in girls houses, feeling them up, then they say "i dont feel like having sex tonight."

I stop flirting and get up, they say, "hey where are you going?"

I say "You may not want to have sex tonight and thats fine, but im fucking horny and gotta go bust a nut."

Then when im Bout to leave they come say "wait actually i want to fuck"

Or another thing, if you tell a girl "i dont care about who youre hanging out with" when she tells you about her shit

[–]1TrenGod37[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children)

You’re misinterpreting there’s a difference between LMR and disrespect and boundary crossing.

what’s wrong with that?

You’re telling her if she doesn’t like what you have to offer there’s the door. If she doesn’t like it. You should leave. Her actions will speak loud enough. There’s no need to communicate any of that.

What you’re pretty much saying is if you don’t like it you can leave but I wish you wouldn’t,

[–]JustSomeThief 1 points1 points [recovered]

I was going off what you said, but i understand, but in that case, why even have boundries outside of an LTR?

I dont care if my plates or fwb get railed on the side.

Disrespect i can understand though, but not the whole "dont go to night club"

[–]1TrenGod37[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I mean you’re not going to allow your plates to speak to you anyway they want. Also you’re not going to be hanging out with them if they aren’t having sex with you.

[–]notonlyplace -1 points0 points  (1 child)

You’re telling her if she doesn’t like what you have to offer there’s the door.

There is a time where this should be use, not always immediately, but works when use well.

I use this in sales all the time, "This is my offer if you like it great, if you don't great"

I'm showing that I respect your decision to say no and that is perfectly fine and is a good decisions to reject me, but it's also a good decision to accept me

[–]1TrenGod37[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s called negotiation. You should not be negotiating with a woman. You show her what you have to offer by your actions. If you need to explain anymore. You’re not high value enough to her.

[–]notonlyplace 1 point2 points  (2 children)

OP is using buzz words and incorrectly, I agree with you, use your words and a calm matter, it's not about weakness after consistant crossing of boundries simply walk away, but first use your words

[–]1TrenGod37[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Using your words first is a form of negotiation. You should never be negotiating with a woman.

after constant crossing of boundaries

It should never get to that.

Also like I said what op was saying was lmr. Not disrespect. There’s a huge difference

[–]notonlyplace 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You should never be negotiating with a woman.

I Disagree, you can't negotiate attractions but you can negotiate with both words and actions honestly the context of the situation will dictate which is better.

But when someone disrespects you state your case, 99 times out of 100 they will admit wrong and apologize, sometimes people don't even attend or realize disrespect and if you walk away they will never know

[–]Rooibosisboss 1 point2 points  (0 children)

always enjoy your stuff tren, i think it is for me because it's straightforward positive but honest, actually helpful, not sperg alpha or sperg mgtow.

thank you and keep it up

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As someone new to TRP and working to free myself of my beta tendencies, I can say what OP is getting at will truly set you free. Not only will walking away from the bad relationships make you happier it will help lead you to the people worth your time.

[–]notonlyplace 2 points3 points  (2 children)

“You won’t speak to me like that. So don’t do it again”

I disagree, use your words one time, then leave, you can't solve every shit test by walking away, on the surface you speak the truth but every example you give isn't a weakness.

Stop trying to trick women into thinking you’re not needy

This isn't tricking, some people lack communication skills, tricking is malicious in nature

[–]1TrenGod37[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

As I said to someone else. There’s a difference between a shit test. And disrespect.

And It isn’t tricking because it’s not working. You will never talk your way out of neediness

[–]notonlyplace 1 point2 points  (0 children)

but this isn't neediness if someone is disrespecting you talk to them explain your self, express your emotions

There’s a difference between a shit test. And disrespect.

Not really, but that is debatable as disrespect is different things to different people, I accidentally disrespected an Indian guy at the dinner table because I didn't know their culture, he calmly explains his position and I agreed

by your logic he should have kicked me out of his house otherwise, otherwise he is needy, to be honest, all the example you gave could be needy or could not be needy it really depends on the context

[–]cl3537 1 point2 points  (3 children)

What wonderfully tragic advice, the minute a women does something you don't like, instead of communicating you just soft next her.

Boy it must be lonely for you hitting the bars everynight with your hand on the ejector seat at the slightest notion of behaviour that offends your enormous ego.

[–]1TrenGod37[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I dont understand what is so hard to grasp. There’s a huge difference between a woman flirting/shit testing/LMR.

And straight up disrespecting of boundaries. It’s not that hard to understand.

[–]cl3537 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes what is so hard for YOU to grasp, your examples were terrible and posters above tried to get you to understand you can't paint all situations with such a wide brush.

But I don't think you got it at all did you? How do I know, because you downvoted my comment and wrote I don't understand.

[–]hasantaskin33 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Solid post. People confuse IDGAF with anger. They are like "I don't care one bit about those bitchess!!" Why are you angry then? Because you really care about that. Better way to IDGAF is being polite and sorry that you have to leave. And smirk.

[–]SovereignSoul76 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Excellent post; it made me aware that even with about 3 years of reading TRP, I'm guilty of doing this from time to time.

Bottom line is that it is extremely difficult to truly achieve the DGAF mentality, when our emotions and hormones are screaming "Companionship!", "Validation!", "PUUUUUSSYYYYYY!!!!". Not to mention, we as men are 100% expected to be the ones to initiate romance with women. So the balance of initiating without being desperate is a tough one to maintain. We all know women aren't going to willingly put themselves out there to be rejected. But is it necessarily the "Alpha" thing to do to decide that you're not going to ever express interest in a girl? "Yeah brah, I just take my shirt off in public and wait for them (takes off shirt)....to come to me". Good luck with that.

Primarily, I would say I'm an offender of this rule in the texting realm. You can pretend/state/imply that you're easy going, busy, or really important through text. "Yeah babe, my schedule is PACKED, but I'd really like to see you Sunday". But the bottom line is that if you're the one texting her first all of the time to hang out, it's clear that you desire her more than she desires you. And it's tough to convince yourself to start a new plate who you need to meet out at a bar, take out on a date/dates, and convince to fuck you, when there's a perfectly good one who HAS willingly been over your place and hopped into your bed/onto your Johnson, before. But every uninitiated text you send goes into a subconscious tally in her head. It really does. And sooner or later she realizes "Ohhhh I get it, this guy has limited options."

So then it goes back to the whole issue of: Is your entire goal in life to sleep with lots of women, or do you have other personal goals? As an "All or nothing" guy, I'm still working on the balance. I try my best to remove emotions from the situation, because it CAN be super frustrating when you ask "How about Wednesday night?" and you get some BS response of "Well my sister has a recital at 5:30". Okay....the fuck does that mean? My natural response is either 1) Ask when she IS free 2) Cut this bitch off, hard next, bc she's playing and doesn't even deserve the dick. Truth is, the optimal response lays in the middle somewhere. The #1 thing that I have been working on lately is: Just because you have a free night, it doesn't mean you need to spend it with a girl riding your dick. If you've got 3-5 plates, it's easy to want to get laid all the time. But establishing 2 or 3 personal nights into your week decreases your availability, and ups the value of your available time*

Again, great post....sorry for the extensive response.

[–]midgetpooooo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“I’m over my ex/oneitis, but I texted her to ask her [anything]”

If we had a bad break up I can understand this, but in my case I left her for school, we then talked and tried a LDR but then called it quits after a short time (which hurt me honestly) since I didn't handle her very well causing her to initiate the break up really poorly and subsequently told her I didn't deserve to be treated as such after all our time together. Now she got the message and I can tell she's still into me but she doesn't reach out while I'm at school. So I reach out to her because I fucking feel like it, just to send her something funny or see how she's doing. I'm not having oneitis since I am focused on my career/education and have gotten with a few other girls since then as well but I do want to maintain a relationship with her because she is the only one I've found remotely worth liking.

I don't think I'm being needy, just not cutting out a friend (I call and send shit to my friends all the time just like they do to me even if we re in separate places).

If I completely stop contact with her it just doesn't seem natural to me. We talked and sent each other shit while we were together for over a year. Why let some situational break up get in the way?

[–]plainposter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actions speak louder than words.

[–]SPREAD_THE_LOVE_7791 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Can you upload a pic of your bicep?