"You know I ain't scared to lose you" - Future
At 24 years old I realize that I've got a long way to go when it comes to this stuff, it's definitely a process. I have learned alot however that I think many will benefit from.
"Don't settle for less or infidelity" - Bryson Tiller
Where did he come from? I sure wasn't born that way. My story isn't too different from alot of the guys on here. Basically I was raised by a single white mom (black dad go figure) in a society that already pussifies men with an upbringing that wasn't too good on self-esteem/value and no strong male role models. If this sounds like you, yeah I get it.
Despite being naturally attractive and friendly, I was crippled by low self-esteem, absolute outcome dependence and a horrible need for external validation; particularly by women. This persisted all through childhood, I lived in the friendzone. My first kiss was a 3 (with a shitty personality), my first girlfriend was a slutty 5 (still couldn't hit), I lost my v-card to like a 4 at 15 (after dating her a month, also horrible personality). If you don't see the connection here let me tell you a quick story that might shed more light.
Freshman year I had a friend that was dating a pretty attractive girl who had a cute friend I wouldn't have minded losing it too. One time I ended up walking with the two girls around our neighborhood, I guess it was apparent that I was soft and they hit me with something crazy. One of the two made a joke or something towards me and the girl I wanted to smash chuckled "nigg*r" under her breath but not really. Now obviously the right choice at that time was to never associate with those girls ever again and tell my friend his chick and her bff were bitches. Literally could have just walked away. What did I do? I KEPT WALKING WITH THEM. Even worse, it was a couple feet behind like some sad puppy. I think by then they were just giggling and say the n-word every now and then just because they knew they could.
I'm not butt-hurt over it; I honestly think it's funny to think back on how much of a chump I was. I think every guy on this path reaches a point where he can hardly believe he was actually the guy that did the things he did. Anyways, I told that story as an example of what the issue was. NO SELF VALUE. That's really it.
"Instead of worrying bout who that bitch fucking, why don't you get you some money" - Wiz Khalifa
The Alpha but not really
That happened about 10 years ago. I've come a long way since then but most of my progress really came after joining TRP almost two years ago, swear to god. On a quick side note, I drank cow's milk all the damn time in middle school and there have been recent studies on cow milk consumption and estrogen in the system. Not saying that's why I was a bitch, but I did have some slight man-boob going on and wanted nothing to do with sports until halfway into highschool (way after puberty starts). From senior year of high school on, I was a more average representation of typical "alpha male" (quotes cuz it's fake). I played varsity football, joined the Marines, lifted a ton. I even went on to play collegiate lacrosse for a year or so. I had great guy friends and attractive female friends as well.
How much pussy was I getting though? I had fucked maybe 6 girls by age 21. The hottest was a 7 and we even got engaged. As you can imagine, I was still envious of the "assholes" that pulled more and I was as outcome dependent as always, I just had upped my SMV.
"Chasin' women a distraction" - Drake
Today I do alright, my counts at 18, selectively. I've hit girls that other men wouldn't have the nuts to talk to. And I did it with no dinner dates. I see a girl I'm attracted too, I say hi and talk to her like a man talking to a woman. I'm at the point where I tell girls "no". A week ago, a 6 that knows me through a chick friend came up to me at a tailgate and said verbatim "OneLifeSucks, you are going out tonight after the game, getting food with me and then coming back to my place". I said I don't think that's happening. I have plenty of similar stories by this point. Now don't get me wrong, I still make mistakes. I've shanked it more than a few times. The difference is that now none of that matters. Women use to be the objective, now they're a fun past time until the right girl comes along.
"You want me to take my time with you, well maybe I'm not your speed. Maybe I'm out your league" - Kodak Black
Where did the frame come from?
I sure wasn't born with that either. As you can imagine, joining trp didn't make me better with girls. What it did do was make me realize I wasn't the only one confused, and provided me with the knowledge I needed. The most important thing I learned was that the problem was me, it was internal. There wasn't some weird phenomenon going on. I had real problems that manifested themselves in not only my interactions with women, but other areas of my life as well.
I accepted that I had things to work through, made steps to change them and started taking pride in the positive changes I was making. I also started taking pride in how far I'd come in my personal life. I mean fuck, I bring alot to the table. I'm sure you guys do as well. Don't let hot girls get away with just being hot. Work on yourself and always put them in the position where they need to demonstrate substance to YOU, not the other way around. I also stopped caring about what they thought. If you are holding yourself personally accountable for your actions and living to your values, why the hell would you care what other's opinions of you are. Why place so much significance on an interaction with a 20 something year old girl, start taking risks with women. The two things that I say changed my frame the most was taking pride in who I am and outcome independence. You can have a count of 0 and talk to a hot chick with no problems with just those two things. Value yourself and stop taking people serious, that's where frame comes from. No girl is going to shit test you if she senses you're more willing to walk away then she is.
"We too fly, bad bitches in the archive" - 2 Chainz
Getting a headstart
Everyone is in a different stage of the journey but here are some things that would have sped it up for me.
- Read Models by Mark Manson
- Do things that give you a sense of pride (learn a trade/certification, save up for a car, volunteer, give a surprise gift to someone close to you). Ultimately, a man of worth carries himself differently
- Severely limit porn/masturbation
- Start friend-zoning girls and treat them as friends, not potential fucks. Girls that you view as simply friends are easier to talk to. You can work on things like eye contact and just having fun conversations with girls in general. This pays huge dividends in the long run since you'll be put on to more girls by those friends.
- Of course work on yourself and keep your SMV where it should be (Not for them but for you)
If I can come this far so can you. Like honestly, I was pretty bad. Keep working on it though and you'll be at least where I'm at in no time, which honestly isn't too bad https://imgur.com/JFWY1E7