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Red Pill ExampleYet another story on how to get rid of your former soulmate (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by lesupersize

Alright guys, first time post here but I thought I will share this story and give myself a bit of space to rant. First of all, I'm not a native english speaker so please bear with me if there is anything hard to understand.

When I was in my last year of college (4 years ago) I was meeting this hot chick but I did have another girl at that time so there wasn't much going on apart from being buddies. But we got along really well and often joked about how cool it would be when we'd be together.

After I finished college, I didn't hold any contact with her for 3 years even though she texted me 1-2 times, but I never replied. Mid this year though, when my last relationship broke apart I was scrolling through my messages and saw hers. I thought "Hm okay I will message her". She did reply, like immediately, although I was never answering. After a bit of a chat and some moaning about our failed relationships during the 3 years we decided we should see each other.

She visited me, I fucked her, she told me the day after "She wants to keep it casual", I said "Thats fine". I did not text for 3 days she then send me a text "I'm constantly thinking about you." - we got together.

As I mentioned before we got along really well, she said she is so utterly happy with me and made pretty solid future plans (after a couple of weeks). She was very open with me and told me a lot of her problems and that she's had a hard time etc.

Now comes the part of the story where it gets funny. After 2 months of being together I had some huge issue to deal with, but I tried to be content. This issue took away all my headspace so she eventually noticed something was wrong. She constantly kept asking me "if anything is wrong?", but I assured her "Its all good".

I was thinking "This girl has a lot of issues too, so maybe she would understand when I tell her I'm a bit down as for x reason". Also I was at a point where I couldn't hide stuff anymore, so I just did tell her about my problems.

From that point things were going downhill. She cancelled any plans for the weekend after, and another week passed before she told me "She's not sure if she's happy with us".

There it is guys, I once admitted that life is hurting me and it made me lose all respect in her eyes. All attraction gone from this point onwards. Fuck, I can't believe my own eyes what happened to me. All words in this sub became apparent.

I did not really try to convince her about how well we fit together, I just said "Fine", deleted her everywhere, opened my laptop and type this. The good thing: I'm learning, but please for fucks sake never even think a second about that your girl is "There for you" and will "Understand your problems".

Cheers

Edit: Wow, this post got a bunch of attention. I just want to add a few things to shed a bit more light.

1) The issue I have is probably not the biggest deal on earth but I can let you know it involved a small surgery (nothing life threatening though)

2) I did not tell my problem only once to her but repeated 2-3 times that I am stuck on thinking about it and that I had some anxiety because of that.

Thanks for all your replies and your sympathy whether good or bad.


[–]Mr-Ed209 198 points199 points  (27 children)

I was listening to a Tom Leykis clip where he says the fastest way to get a girl stop calling you is to tell her you 'need her' etc.. and the best way to ensure they keep calling you is to always be too busy.

It's actually incredible that with this 'alternative' view on women and relationships all draw similar conclusions and past experiences. That clip I mention was from 2006 so well before this sub existed. Patrice O'Neal said stuff of similar rhetoric around the same time also. Not to mention the countless stories told on this sub.

That sucks OP. You can probably get her back if you remain no contact for a few months. But then the awful reality is then would you really want her?

[–]1TrenGod37 123 points124 points  (18 children)

I think the worst part of all of this is how when you finally find a chick worth your time. Or you may consider dating your scumbag brain goes...

“You need to keep her interested! She may find someone else! Text her all day!!”

“Send her a message! Let her know you care!”

“Need someone to talk to? Tell her about your problems!”

“She didn’t text you back right away? Maybe she lost interest! Do it again!”

“Sure the relationship is fresh and you’re flooded with good feelings. Let’s mess that all up by telling her how you really feel about her!”

Of course none of it works. Just the complete opposite. But it becomes very difficult to hold back especially if you’re brand new to being with women. Or you have oneitis

[–]Aestheticcunt1996 48 points49 points  (14 children)

“Send her a message! Let her know you care!” This! I got to know a girl at uni and we met up a few times. I acted very alpha and she obviously assumed me to have a high status. To that point that it felt like she was constantly afraid to lose me and therefore struggled to open her legs (or even her lips) for me lol. So I decided to show her that I like her to assure her that she is something special in my life and to imply that I wouldn't want to leave her after fucking her because I am genuinely interested. I told her that I like how she is different from the girls I previously met etc. End of the story: she lost interest, cancelled our future plans, ignored my text messages and never texted me again. All this happened within less than one month. But fuck it, I learned a lot from it.

[–]1TrenGod37 10 points11 points  (13 children)

I’ve done something similar a couple times. I’ve never lost them or had them do this to me. Because I ultimately didn’t care if they left. But I did realize what was happening and I backed off

[–]Aestheticcunt1996 3 points4 points  (12 children)

At first I thought all this would fit into my picture of her. She has a very low n-count, stable father-relationship, not slutty at all and really seemed like gf-material. She seemed to be very uptight about sexual topics and always refused to go further than holding hands. I thought the reason for this would be 1. her uptightness and 2. me acting like an alpha and therefore she assumed I was just trying to fuck her. TrenGod37, could you elaborate on your case and how you would deal withsuch situations/gurls, if you would at all? Haven't had contact since may. Last time was when I saw her at uni. I just said "Hi" and walked past her because I, like you, backed off as a consequence of her losing respect for me.

[–]1TrenGod37 12 points13 points  (9 children)

Once she loses respect it’s done. It’s never worth the time to try to get it back. So In your case I’d move on.

For me I work to be as high value as possible (as should we all). I maximized my looks. Style. I’m jacked. Great game. Good job. Outgoing. Leader. Etc. and the best is she hears women talk about wanting me all the time.

If you’re high enough value you can get away with a lot more. That isn’t to say you can act however you want and she going to always want you. Knowing how much comes with time and experience. I can sense when things are starting to change and I’ll back off a little. Or ignore her for a couple days or throw some kind of loop in there.

[–]BobbyPeru 10 points11 points  (0 children)

This. Move on.

There are literally billions of women. Why waste time on one who isn't into you.

You did learn a valuable lesson though, OP

[–]1PantsonFire1234 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im kind of curious how bad it really was with OP slipping up. I'd find it pretty hilarious if he simply said "I'm kind of nervous about this operation" and that broke the spell. It's not like women don't have things about them that are major turn offs. OP's girl probably admitted once upon a time that she'd be into a male threesome or even something closer to a gangbang. But he'd have to be okay with that. Now OP tells her he's not feeling calma because of an incomming surgery and this ends it for her. Incredible.

Even better if she turns out to be an HB5-6-7 closing in on the wall. Most of these stories don't reveal the whole truth. Which is that in actuality the girl was more of a let down than the guy. It's just that she's still living in fantasy land where lies are repeated to her head.

[–]Aestheticcunt1996 0 points1 point  (6 children)

I didn't try to get her back, I don't even want her back because the situation seems to be precarious and I see my life force better invested in other things. Anyway, I try to better understand such types of girls or social dynamics in general to improve my game, that's why I analyse them. I am ripped as well, tanned, white teeth, and generally a sexy cunt (srsly). I radiate an aura when I walk into a room and people almost automatically assume I am high status, which in turn makes it very easy for me to prove it to them afterwards. Being able to get away with a lot more is actually one of my favourite benefits from all that. But enough bragging: You haven't answered my question. Do you have experience with uptight girls and the ones that are afraid you are "too alpha" for them to hold you and therefore don't let you come close? Because unfortunately, I feel like they are the ones worth keeping rather than the slutty girls which I can fuck whenever I want to.

[–]1TrenGod37 4 points5 points  (4 children)

I’m not sure I can relate to what you’re saying any girls that I meet that are uptight are usually just that way at first. It’s her way of weaning out the chumps. So I ignore it

Any girl who saw me as “too alpha” usually wanted to bring me closer. Be the guy she thought she could tame. I’ve had plates who knew I was for lack of a better term “chad” and not the type of guy she would want to date. But They were plates so it doesn’t matter. That mutual understand kept things drama free.

My personality is mostly alpha traits but I do tend to have a softer side that comes out around females. It’s more Machiavelli behavior were it’s kind of sweet talking them, selling them the fantasy. It works like a charm for getting women hooked on me tho. Most girls always want to end up dating me and never leave. At least I haven’t been broken up with yet. And I’m usually the one stopping every time or keep them around to fuck down the road.

As I get older it seems that it takes more to keep a higher status though. That’s one thing I have noticed. Back in college you didn’t have to do shit but be alpha. Pretend you had some type of direction. Good game. And a dgaf. Abundance attitude.

After college it takes a lot more to keep a higher Status. I’m going off topic now. But to kind of answer your question. If she’s a plate it doesn’t matter. If she’s a girl you’re looking to date you need to add a little beta behavior in there just don’t go overboard

[–]theoracleofbromaha 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Would like to hear more about how after college it has gotten harder. I’ve noticed this with my own experience. Is it simply that competition to be of high status or even on par as older man is more difficult? I.e status isn’t just being jack3d and style but you need power/influence/money?

[–]1TrenGod37 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Pretty much all of what you said. A lot more variables

[–]Redpillandrew 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can you tell me why you think it's getting harder to keep a high status the more you get old? Sounds like old lion struggling to be on top when younger ones keep come and challenge it

[–]fastnail 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"my life force better invested in other things"...there you have it, Red Pill philosophy.

[–]MilkMoney111 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Best to drop it man. Recently happened with me. A FWB of close to 3 years. I had lost a really close family member and she asked me how I was. I lost it in front of her. She changed immediately. She started acting like a cunt to me and treating her pussy as some sort of prize for me to earn. I realized I fucked up in showing weakness so I just cut contact with her. She has been texting me but I just reply short and then leave her responses on read. A friend of mine said every time he sees her she asks if I've mentioned her at all and he just says no. I could probably work on getting her pussy wet again but I think it's just too far gone to put in the effort when I have easier options available. It sucks, I can relate somewhat to how you feel because she was a legit fun person to be around for several years, but I screwed it up by being vulnerable. You gotta be okay with never talking to this girl again. There's better things out there so best not to work yourself up over some girl who doesn't respect you.

[–]Aestheticcunt1996 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Actually it's not that hard to let go. I mean I don't know how you feel about it but for me, I get a sense of pride and strength if I back off and just let her be. It nurtures my self-esteem and confidence. The important thing is to don't hold grudges against anyone. At first I felt fucked up but I realised throughout the time that my sadness will pass and it's normal to be upset for a little while. Now I'm back on my grind, concentrating fully on myself and dgaf on women. Which ironically makes them coming to me😇 I take in hand to back off as soon as I realise that I'm emotionally attached and dependent on her, even if she's still unaware of that. Because sooner or later SHE will take notice and leave me. But I will do so earlier. I expect that this will save me emotional drama and over time will make me "naturally detached" from women.

[–]p3n1x 10 points11 points  (1 child)

...if you’re brand new to being with women.

Even the experienced can have problems ... Dem Brain Chemicals are no joke.

Just be aware of what is happening to you. Write a note on the back of your hand if you need.

[–]PainfullyGoodLooking 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Yep I’m quite recently guilty of this. Had good luck with women both through long term relationships and casual hookups. I consider myself no stranger to the game.

Ended up talking to a girl who’s a 10/10 in my eyes, gorgeous tall blonde former D1 athlete, with pretty much every attribute I would look for in a long term partner.

Instead of playing it cool like I always do, my stupid brain went “bro you need to lock this shit down ASAP.” Next thing you know, she thinks things are moving too fast and I scare her off.

I threw everything I knew about RP theories and my own personal experiences and it bit me in the ass

[–]1PantsonFire1234 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh no my friend, the best part comes later. Because the opposite doesn't work either. She will figure you aren't interested enough, she will read your lack of messaging as cheating, she figures you don't care because you never said so. Oh she will feel for you alright, but she will also be hurt. Which will drive her to misbehave or look for a beta she can be miserable with.

If you let women play their sexual strategy game it will result in nothing but chaos. Beta or alpha, doesn't matter. Hell even those extremist mussies in the middle east know this.

[–]lesupersize[S] 30 points31 points  (1 child)

Thanks for your words. Mark my words though if she's going to contact me I will let you know.

[–]p3n1x 12 points13 points  (0 children)

No need to inform us at all, block her. She's done.

[–][deleted] 34 points35 points  (1 child)

if youre dating/seeing a girl who is into you but you dont care so much for, try it out. go full beta on her, tell her you really want to be with her, make up some shit about what youre scared of, be really available, etc. pretty much every thing that "common" advice today would tell you to do in order to be a good bf

ive tried it out 5 times so far, and every time within about a month the relationship completely falls apart.

[–]voomer53 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Funny you should mention Tom Leykis...I would go so far as to call him a "Godfather of the Manosphere".. he was spewing out all these redpill truths on the public airwaves back in the early 2000's. For anyone who hasn't heard of him check him out on You Tube and see if you disagree.

[–]Mr-Ed209 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Im only just discovering him but he really is a genius. Leykis 101 should be side bar material.

[–]p3n1x 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The RP truths have been thousands of years before (James Adomian) Leykis. Just be thankful to guys like him for making sure the information was never completely eradicated.

Unfortunately I see him generating "angry phase" more than cool, calm, collected truth accepting Alpha phase.

[–]imonreddit4fun 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Patrice is the greatest influence in my life over women. His words really were magical, man, and we needed him now more than ever in this pussy ass culture.

[–]Star-burner 134 points135 points  (64 children)

Good lesson to be learned. Women don't want to see you down or weak, regardless of problems; you can explain shit you're going through, but you only get a pass if you hold frame and appear strong/push through it with confidence.

Higher SMV of course can mitigate this somewhat, but beware of showing extended weakness (it's distinct from calculated vulnerability). Like any market, if you're perceived as a bad investment, you're out.

[–]yes_we_can_t 32 points33 points  (24 children)

This is one reason why it's important to build a group of dependable male friends that you can discuss your problems with.

You only get a pass if you hold frame and appear strong/push through it with confidence.

Exactly. I suddenly got hit with depression, and while I needed to take time off work and deal with it, I made sure I didn't use my woman for comfort and support. I did that in a previous relationship and we all know how that goes. In the beginning she was often asking worriedly how I was feeling, I told her to stop asking, I would tell her if I wanted to share.

My attitude was always that this is a temporary problem and it's going to be fine again soon enough. Shit happens in life, it's not a big deal.

[–]lesupersize[S] 22 points23 points  (12 children)

Guys tell me what world we're living in if not a committed relationship is the place to find comfort and support. I know this question appears to be rhetorical posting it in this sub, but I honestly ask you?

[–]RedHoodhandles 45 points46 points  (1 child)

Dog eat dog. Up or out. Sink or swim. Get rich or die tryin. Only the strong surive. Survival of the fittest. etc..

You get the idea.

[–]idkhowtomakeaname212 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I kept reading that as "dog eat poop", i read over it like four times too.

[–]antariusz 28 points29 points  (0 children)

The real world.

Whatever made you think that your relationship was the place to go to for your problems was a lie, at best because of blue pill naivety, at worst a calculated plot to give more power to women in the sexual marketplace. (If men self-select, we'll know better which ones to fuck and which ones to fuck over).

[–]chauncy_popperstein 22 points23 points  (1 child)

You are male. Nobody is going to give a fuck about you. Other men have their own problems. And women are repulsed by any man that isn't 100% on top of his shit. It really is that simple.

[–]e4tshit 5 points6 points  (0 children)

And women are repulsed by any man that isn't 100% on top of his shit.

Dead on. The situation as I see it is that we're suppose to be 100% while they get to be garbage human beings, yet, they're still entitled to us. Example: tinder. Fat single mom of two kids with no job or car expects 6'5 firefighter underwear model to come wipe the Cheetos dust off her and whisk her away saving her from herself.

[–]1ObserverBG 15 points16 points  (0 children)

It is a bad world, especially for men. Men are expendable. Women are not. Because sperm is cheap, but eggs are expensive. Historically far fewer men than women reproduced. This means that you must have qualities if you want to have a woman near you, that is going to stay with you. Women are the genetic filter of nature that is finding the good male stuff. So they could be merciless towards men who don't cover the standards.

When you say this:

Guys tell me what world we're living in if not a committed relationship is the place to find comfort and support

think about how many men got destroyed by their women and how many divorces there are. A relationship could be a very dangerous thing, especially if its marriage in the West.

You should read more evolutionary psychology, not everything in relationships is about "love", people are still biological organisms driven by their genes, so a woman will harm you if that makes evolutionary sense. Even if its immoral.

For example a woman does not want to be with a weak man with issues but with the best man possible, because this will increase her survivability, well being, and the quality of her children.

In other words, a woman will stab you in the back when you are weak. Weak genetic material is bad for her and her kids. So you don't want to be that weak genetic material. In other words there is no moral in the real world. There is no moral in nature or evolution. This is not about emotions or about love. This is about how the real world works. You must take the red pill to see the real world, and it could be an ugly place, just like in the movie.

[–]yes_we_can_t 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Good question... now think about how many long term relationships still have the spark, and frequent bunny sex?

I enjoy comfort and support in a committed relationship, but I make sure to let her know, through action, that I don't need it. Neediness is unattractive.

Our relationship depends on the fact that I am attractive to her. I will never again stay in a relationship where the sex isn't amazing.

[–]p3n1x 7 points8 points  (0 children)

place to find comfort and support.

Call your mom.

Call your inner circle of male friends.

[–]Swelfie 4 points5 points  (1 child)

If you need comfort and support all the time then you aren't happy with you and your life. You have to make it a you and a life you are happy with. sure, we all need a little support now and then, but that should be rare. Most of the time you are winning.

The purpose of life is not to huddle up with each other and have a pity party. That should feel horrible. If it feels good and comfortable then you don't need it. If you are seeking it out then you are really doing it wrong.

[–]lesupersize[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This comment is very true and I think I will take this failure now to get back on track in life which will make me more happy myself.

[–]plainposter 1 point2 points  (0 children)

whoever told you that relationships would provide comfort and support was lying to you.

[–]PeteInq -1 points0 points  (0 children)

IMO it depends on how one asks for support. If one shares honestly without trying to get any form of validation, you will probably be good.

Basically - as long as you view yourself as at least equal to her.

[–]p3n1x 3 points4 points  (1 child)

My attitude was always that this is a temporary problem and it's going to be fine again soon enough.

Playing the long game at all times.

[–]yes_we_can_t 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly I believe that attitude helped me get through it quickly as well.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (8 children)

group of dependable male friends that you can discuss your problems with.

dont do this either. there are too many people who will try to use it against you later or hold the info over your head. just don't tell anyone about your problems, deal with them on your own.

if you had a shitty day at work, or your boss is an asshole, or you are feeling hopeless, just keep it to yourself and deal with it. because nobody really cares anyways, and it'll only be something they may use against you later.

[–]yes_we_can_t 8 points9 points  (1 child)

I strongly disagree. Nobody wants to hear about trivial complaints. Not talking about that. It's really valuable to have someone to discuss the real issues you go through in life.

I have a shitty boss? I have guys who can advise me on making a plan for what I can do about it. I have depression? I know I have guys who I can lean on at any time if I feel I need it. I have a shitty day? I can hit them up to have a beer.

I know that almost whatever happens, I have several guys I can depend on. I make it a priority to find such men whenever I move somewhere.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

idk over the years ive learned its always some kind of risk or liability to be discussing things like that with other people. i may discuss part of it but you never really want anyone to have the whole story. after a while you don't care about telling anyone any problems anymore because youre used to it

might not work for everyone though so i get that

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children)

One of my best buddies used my weaknesses against me - I couldn't believe it. Find a male shrink to talk to about your problems, or your Dad if he's around.

[–]p3n1x 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Nah, this is horrible fucking advice.

One of my best buddies used my weaknesses against me

Yeah, cuz you were fucking weak. Your example and logical outcome is solipsism.

Upvoting this just means you guys are shitty judges of friends or younger than 25.

"if your birdhouses keep collapsing, it isn't because the universe hates you and wants to see you fail, it is because you are a bad carpenter and need to sort yourself out" - Jordan Peterson

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Yeah, cuz you were fucking weak.

lol what? not that guy, but i had a friend who's best friend turned on him because he didn't give him $ for a drug habit he picked up. you really cant tell when people are going to flip on you, and the more info they have on you, the worse it is

[–]p3n1x 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That sucks. I know from experience also. My comment was more directed at the other guy who replied. Anomalies occur, but a strong male inner circle is an absolute necessity.

[–]juliusstreicher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Def. I don't trust guys any more than chicks. Guys always have plans, and, if giving you a good fucking over can help them advance themselves in life, or with a chick, why on earth should we think that they would refrain from sticking it to you??

Forget the shrink stuff, tho.

[–]lesupersize[S] 21 points22 points  (10 children)

True that. Funny thing I have missed to point out in my OP. When we had a brief chat that she's not happy anymore I confronted her if she thinks it would be coincidence that she started to decline being happy when I told her about my problems. That was the first time I heard her raising her voice saying "Goddamnit no, there is no connection between your problems and me not being happy". I smirked.

[–]1empatheticapathetic 2 points3 points  (5 children)

Good learning experience. Worth a lot more than she was able to offer, unfortunately.

[–]lesupersize[S] 4 points5 points  (4 children)

I like this comment. But out of interest, could you express more on what you mean by "Worth a lot more than she was able to offer"?

[–]Endorsed ContributorMetalgear222 0 points1 point  (3 children)

That question is sure to be infinitely worse than you confiding in her with your problems. Sealing the nail in the coffin. Why are you still talking to a girl that broke it off with you?

[–]lesupersize[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

That was during the breakup, not afterwards. As I said when she said its over I immediately cut off any contact.

[–]Aktiv8r 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Why didn't you decide to end it when you saw the signs? Or I should ask, why did you wait for her to make that decision for you?

[–]lesupersize[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because I wanted to rescue the relationship. She said she was not happy, not that she wants to break up with me.

[–][deleted] 33 points34 points  (25 children)

I agree with most of this, however, it usually goes without saying that no woman who has already invested a lot of time in you will suddenly drop you at the slightest sight of weakness.

[–]Endorsed ContributorMarsupian 48 points49 points  (18 children)

Depends on what she has lined up. If she knows she will benefit financially and is already having an affair with her boss who is somewhat likely to commit if she plays her cards right why would she stick with some weak and depressed loser?

On the other hand if she has a small social circle that looks down on divorce and risks a lesser lifestyle or possibly less contact with her kids it's an entirely different story.

[–]lesupersize[S] 7 points8 points  (17 children)

I can tell you that she has not a big friends circle and she benefited financially from me (going out with her, paying stuff we enjoyed). Also I wanna point out its been 2 1/2 months, not sure this counts as "a lot of time ".

[–]pineappleeverything 1 points1 points [recovered]

You're beta as fuck and provider as fuck.

She caught your semi-confident wave and money train while she could, and once you confirmed to her that you were a beta, she left.

[–]lesupersize[S] 7 points8 points  (14 children)

I'm certainly a beta but self reflection is the first step to change. I'm confused by "provider as fuck", isn't the man a provider by nature? Provider and protector: You can't protect a women by showing weakness or emotional instability, but taking her out (provider) does not seem counter productive to me?

[–]Endorsed ContributorMetalgear222 28 points29 points  (0 children)

This comment says everything we need to know about you. You still haven't internalized that you're better than her.

You need to read the sidebar and educate yourself on the AF/BB sexual strategy. You don't want to be the provider. You want to be the fun sex guy.

You're still in the mindset of, "I have to follow my beta conditioning so that I can generate the right feels for my girl so that she will like me!" This is nothing more than false premise and pussy pedestaling.

You think your girl left you cause you showed some weakness? Sure. Probably that plus the beta behind all of your actions. Regardless of how good the sex was that was sure to happen eventually. You just assumed it was the thing that happened at the end. No. It was a build-up of a series of things caused by your beta.

Oh and she probably found someone else before branch swinging. That's typically how it goes. They hate staying single especially if they don't have to.

[–]1mental_models 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Frame/Tactics

DO: Live your lifestyle. Basically the same shit you would do single. Shit you enjoy and can easily afford.

DON'T: Live beyond your means/ sacrifice/ splurge/ etc... because of a woman. Don't do shit to impress or 'gift' her. If you never eat out when single, then it's a 'coffee date' or similar near-free outing. If you normally attend a nice restaurant/venue/event once a week when single, THEN it's perfectly fine to have her as your company at said venue(That's not Beta Bux in that case).

Frame/Strategy

DO: Fully use your true lifestyle as leverage to hold power and market value over hypergamous women who see your lifestyle as an improvement over their last slightly less affluent cock. Your status and resources are a part of your SMV. Use them. Show them a successful man. A man they want to exploit. A man they want to show their friends as social proof of their own high SMV. Use status and resources as 'symbols' and wield them powerfully, just don't be a patsy who gets conned by a woman into 'Providing'.

DON'T: Give a shit when she realizes that you aren't the bank-withdrawal-machine that she had hoped, and/or finds a better lifestyle to move on to.

[–]1ObserverBG 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You must show her that You are the prize.

[–]pineappleeverything 1 points1 points [recovered]

You need to read the sidebar.

By paying for things you set yourself up to be taken advantage of. You're telling her that she is the prize. That your commitment, and money, is easy to get.

But she isn't the prize, and your commitment, which is what girls want, shouldn't be easy to get.

So make her pay for herself.

If she doesn't want to, you're not fit or attractive enough, and just saved yourself some money.

[–]LaucitoZ 17 points18 points  (1 child)

Hold your frame, and don't upvote his shit!

[–]antariusz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sunk cost fallacy. Only "some" of them fall for it. Others will start the process of moving on very rapidly, like in this example.

[–]RPmatrix 2 points3 points  (2 children)

it usually goes without saying that no woman who has already invested a lot of time in you will suddenly drop you at the slightest sight of weakness.

that depends, as women are fickle beasts ... maybe yes, maybe no, so many things can factor into a women's behavior re: being with a guy

lol I'm sure Harvey Weinstein would have a few things to say about this

[–]viyacondios 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Perhaps faking emotional problems can be done as a sort of monkey-branch test, to see how likely a woman is to drop you. The women who are more principled than others won't immediately leave, and thus this test will identify them as better potential partners (if a partner is what you're looking for). Then you go back to the strong frame and their visceral attraction for you returns.

Potential pitfalls I see to this: (a) It might select for lazy/sunk cost type people as well. (b) Their attraction for you might not ever recover to pre-test levels.

[–]RPmatrix 1 point2 points  (0 children)

IMHO I never recommend 'faking' shit, you either Do it or you don't, and I definitely wouldn't 'test' any people in such ways, there are far better ways to ascertain such things (and more) about a person that playing some silly mind game.

how a LT gf treats you when you get seriously ill is an interesting metric as it both triggers their feminine/maternal nurturing instincts and 'allows' her to "look after her man" in a socially acceptable manner, where in effect she's 'taking control' of his shit until he gets better.

This is an extremely powerful position for the woman of a popular and successful man and she must realize this and not let it go to her head. It also requires a very high level of communication and honesty between the two. Something like being seriously injured in a car accident can put a massive strain on all aspects of all relationships, breaking some and making others.

There is a great deal of trust to be created/destroyed in such extreme situations But, IME an already devoted woman will do her very best in such situations as she sees that particular man as an essential part of her future.

That said, anything which severely interferes with one's relationship will test it, and should that 'interference' last 'too long' ('how long' being an arbitrary amount of time depending on the girl) the odds are the relationship will 'change' more to suit the girl or she will go elsewhere. This is one of the few situations in life where 'marriage' is a very valid 'reason' for the woman to stay ... idk what 'reasons' there are for divorcing a person you've promised to stay with 'in sickness and in health' ffs!

TL:DR: don't get seriously ill and become too dependent on your woman for support and assistance, although it's likely you'll get it for a while, chances are that will changes as you can no longer 'provide her' what you could before the 'accident' neither shall she. See Briffault's Law

[–]juliusstreicher 0 points1 point  (1 child)

...no woman who has already invested a lot of time in you will suddenly drop you at the slightest sight of weakness.

Wait a minute...I thought that this was what hypergamy was all about???

[–]DoveDizzle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hypergamy = polygamy. Just because we have the urge to fuck everything we see doesn't mean we always act on it. Some women are better than others at suppressing their hypergamy. Those are the "keepers" if such a thing exists.

[–]Koryphae_ 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Maybe it depends on the subject/topic as well? I mean if you start whining that 'oh geez, I do not know how to handle life, I am just being ground down' rather having an abstract discussion i.e. 'life is a mystery, half of the time I do not even know what the fuck I am doing but I do not care', the first one seems worse already. Then again both scenarios show that you are a man without a mission. Still I agree with TRP way that most optimal is not to 'spill your guts' to a woman.

[–]lesupersize[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The big mistake I did was not whining in the first place but I asked her if she did not want to say anything or give me an advice about my problem. Because she was not really impressed about my hurt.

[–][deleted] 42 points43 points  (14 children)

You were with this girl for 8 weeks and she was down for a casual thing. Have some perspective, you kinda jumped in the deep end here. Just like you’re different from the version of you when you knew her, she is probably even moreso after riding the CC for a few years.

Yeah you fucked up by telling her about your problems, but just from the way your story began I can already tell how it’s going to end. At least give it a few months before you make any kind of commitment.

[–]lesupersize[S] 17 points18 points  (12 children)

Definitely agree. I jumped into this way too quickly but as I knew this person for so long I kinda justified the quick start. Stupid question though, whats CC?

[–]antariusz 29 points30 points  (9 children)

Cock carousel... where a woman hooks up with a new guy once a month or so (she's "not a slut" because in her mind, 95% of the time she isn't). But her hormones change the way she thinks. She can rack up 30+ notches in a couple years. She might even have a few monogamous relationships thrown in, so the number might only be, say, 5-6 a year, which if you do the math, and most women start around 16, can lead to massive amounts of lays by the time she is 28 and ready to "settle down" now that her party years (best years) are over.

I just got out of a (relatively short) relationship with a girl that has fucked fucked 10 different guys and she's only 18. You think she's going to be good relationship material to the guy that starts dating her at 26?

[–]1empatheticapathetic 18 points19 points  (7 children)

Of course, she'll have got it all out of her system! She'll never wonder what it's like to be with other guys! She'll be able to fully commit! And she'll be experienced and know what she wants! 🤑

[–]InfiniteAscent 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Of course, she'll have got it all out of her system! She'll never wonder what it's like to be with other guys! She'll be able to fully commit! And she'll be experienced and know what she wants!

It won't be out of her system. She will know what it's like to be with other guys, but she'll be seeking someone who is a composite of all the best ones she's ever had and no man can live up to that. She will want to commit as the wall approaches. And to your last point, yes she'll know what she wants, but she won't realize that it does not exist. She will never be completely happy.

[–]mrbossman123 1 points1 points [recovered]

Are you on the spectrum? His comment was obvious sarcasm.

[–]InfiniteAscent 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Are you on the spectrum?

Maybe, but not the spectrum you're thinking of ;-) But yeah, looking at it I can't believe I wrote that response. WTF?

[–]p3n1x 0 points1 point  (0 children)

but she'll be seeking someone who is a composite of all the best ones

This part is way off.

They will overlook many things if you are the absolute master of other aspects.

[–]p3n1x 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Technically nobody is "good enough" for monogamy.

If you fuck that 18year old better than any of the previous guys, you will see very different behavior.

Some guys might neg this, but it simply means your Vanilla fucking is/was inferior to your predecessors.

Blow her mind, best fucking ever while maintaining "exceptional frame" is pretty much the stage for Alpha widow. Happens twice on average, at the time of losing virginity (if the guy isn't a complete flop) and then again after she has had some orgasms with other males and then you come along and rattle her universe.

[–]NotLuceBree 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't necessarily disagree, but to be fair they'd known each other for years, and SHE had unloaded her own problems to HIM. I give OP a pass for thinking she was someone he could confide in, especially if they had good chemistry and got along well. Happens to everybody, until they (hopefully) figure it out.

[–]steggun_cinargo 1 points1 points [recovered]

As soon as I had one bad night after a bottle of wine and opened up to a women I had been hooking up with for a few months she told me things are awkward and we should just be friends...

Shit does happen whether she knows why or not.

[–]lesupersize[S] 17 points18 points  (1 child)

This. I fucking shut my mouth from this day on.

[–]p3n1x 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Female intuition >> Male intuition.

They don't need to logically know why, they only need to feel your weakness.

[–]BNSoul 77 points78 points  (0 children)

Read this 100 times: women want you to fix whatever they're going through so they look in a better shape next time they meet Chad. If you show you are broken yourself then they will leave you on the spot and approach one of their multiple orbiters, women cannot comprehend weakness outside their own, convoluted existence.

[–]U_Lika_Da_Tomato 25 points26 points  (1 child)

A woman would rather see you die on your horse than fall off

[–]Aktiv8r 7 points8 points  (0 children)

We need to bring back Jousting

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (2 children)

Of course she bailed when you demonstrated your inability to cope (boldly) with life's challenges.

I just want you to know something, however. You felt in the moment it was the right thing to do - share your personal space with her. know that her rejection of you is NOT the result of you being an ineffective man, but rather her inability to be a decent woman.

TRP strategy is designed to close the deal with loose, third wave feminine infused hoes. The vast majority of men (betas) are very well suited for monogamous relationships with decent women, not navigating the wreckage of the twisted western smp.

My point, is that your emotional expression is a healthy part of being a human being. Also, it is an extremely ineffective way of navigating relationships with the vast majority of men and women. The problem does not lie with you as an individual, but rather how the world interprets men willing to express themselves. In this sense, we've all got a little re-calibrating to do.

If, from here on out you want to avoid this type of branch swing, harden the fuck up, deny everyone else access to your emotional self, and you'll have a much more successful time.

[–]kiekrzanin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You phrased it really well, exactly my thoughts! I feel it is kinda sad that we can’t afford of being trully human when it comes to building relationships.

[–]ModeratorPaperStreetVilla 11 points12 points  (0 children)

She won't love you like you want her to.

This is 101 level stuff, glad you learned it the hard way

[–]take1fortheteam 19 points20 points  (20 children)

Interesting because a girl I dated and ghosted has started talking to me again. I use her EXCLUSIVELY as a dump for my problems. Tell her when I'm sick, feeling down, how I have no motivation for going to the gym, failed a huge test, and how I'm so fucking depressed about it all and have no energy to fight. I literally only show weakness to her, because I see her as just that, a garbage can for my feelings.

She eats it up and begs to see me.... Sends me selfies all the time. Asks what she can do for me... Constantly hints at coming over to hold and kiss me.....

Idk.... Maybe an extreme exception but it works great because she receives all my weaknesses so the girl I'm fucking now doesn't know about it...

Explain?

[–]lesupersize[S] 16 points17 points  (9 children)

Is it because you kinda don't care when you tell her? Maybe showing weakness has a subtle art of caring/not caring when you express it? I can truly tell that I did care about her and that I spoke with her about my problems because I wanted her affirmation.. I literally wanted her to tell me "Its all going to be good.."!

[–]PeteInq 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yes, this is key guys.

As long as you are not trying to get any validation from her in any way when you are sharing you will be good.

See also https://www.rsdnation.com/node/386027

[–]take1fortheteam 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Hey that's an interesting way to look at it. Yea i really don't express much neediness, I just tell her how it all fucking sucks. I don't really care what she thinks, it just feels good to dump it on her.

[–]lesupersize[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Thinking about it I actually have a similar female friend. She's one I always express my feelings to and she is kinda still after me. But I simply don't want her in any way. But don't you agree its not the same expressing your feelings to your SO or a random female friend. The depth isn't the same

[–]take1fortheteam 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I think you're right. My current... Girl... Would be my "so" I guess... I have a different way of talking to her. Over time I've noticed I'm changing a bit. It's like a care what she could think.

Personally I feel this is impossible to avoid, because in order to hold a girl you have to be careful, but by being careful you sort of edge closer to behavior that is explicitly wrong and could push her away. It's something I'm still working on.

The trick, I guess, is to just never care. Not easy for me, or maybe many, to accomplish.

[–]lesupersize[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're not alone. I care, always, but with every failure I gain more confidence in "not caring".

[–]curiousdude 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for giving me something to do with a female orbiter that is not sexualy attractive. I have a few of those that hang around and I don't know what to do with them.

[–]Darkwoodz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She's probably desperate for attention, she doesn't find your complaining attractive.

[–]marlan_ 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yea I got a similar thing going, never dated her tho. If you don't show interest and dump your problems on them they will want you because they can't have you.

[–]p3n1x 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Constantly hints at coming over to hold and kiss me.....

Bro, ummm, this is what GIRLS do. Nowhere did you say you were fucking her. Of course she wants your time, you are a golden fountain of emotional food. You taste like nirvana to her and she doesn't have to fuck you.

And you added dread game to it by having another girl.

[–]take1fortheteam 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I'm not changing the situation here to look good: but yes, she does want to fuck me.

Some selfies are nudes. Some not. She talks to me about meeting up and holding me but also implies many times for more than that. Messages at 2-5am consistently on the weekends.

Some more info: she's 31 years old. Already hit the wall but I'm chill with her body, it's easily an 8 for me. Face is a 5.5.

Dread game?

[–]p3n1x 0 points1 point  (1 child)

You aren't fucking her, period. Both of you think you are in control. No sex means You are her orbiter at the moment, plain and simple.

Sidebar dread game

[–]take1fortheteam 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oooh I got it. Bad on me for not having read that in the sidebar.

Well, you're right in a way. I honestly have no interest in fucking this girl. She's my emotions dump.

My current plate is where I go to fuck.

[–]plainposter 2 points3 points  (1 child)

some women genuinely like feeling an emotional connection to their man.. they like feeling like they're supporting you through whatever because they value you.. so she might just actually be a supportive, loving girl. rare, but possible. still, don't let your guard down and calmly leave at the first sign of chaos.

[–]take1fortheteam 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey thanks for the reply. I'm thinking she hit the wall and she's desperate. I didn't give enough details, sorry for that!

But yeah, some women truly are like that

[–]xenigala 1 point2 points  (2 children)

What is her relationship with her own father?

[–]take1fortheteam 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I don't have details but it's bad.

[–]berryfarmer 7 points8 points  (7 children)

It really depends on the girl. I cried over not getting a job once with a turboslut girlfriend, she lost all respect for me after that moment. She went and married and had a kid with a fat guy afterwards.

I cried over being tired of having long term illness in front of another girlfriend. No change at all in respect at all. Maybe increase if anything.

[–]lesupersize[S] 1 point2 points  (6 children)

I'm a fat guy too, but I don't take this as an insult.

[–]jumpinglane 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I'm a fat guy

and here is the reason why she ran. not because you opened up.

[–]lesupersize[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Bullshit. I had many relationships, this is not true.

[–]take1fortheteam 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I'm a fat guy too. It's nice. Not so nice, but it's nice.

[–]lesupersize[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Well good example that there is no problem for fat guys to get girls ;) all they care for is emotional stability, well shit that I could not give this to her..

[–]take1fortheteam 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hahahaha yeah man. After red pill I've been pulling like crazy. Something like 80% of my dates go extremely well. Big booster in my life. Lots of shit to get together though haha

[–]El_Reconquista 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So you're a whiny fat slob. Go hit the gym.

[–]MortalSisyphus 15 points16 points  (2 children)

My wife and I tell each other all our problems and issues. We support each other. Still happy together and going strong after more than a decade.

Just wanted to provide a counter-anecdote to offer some balance. It's good that you simply moved on from this person, no reason to be with someone who doesn't really care about you.

My 2 cents: If you seek shallow sex with a shallow person, don't be surprised when they behave in a shallow way.

[–]lesupersize[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Nice to hear that you're happily married together for such a long time by now. Wish you all the best!

[–]jumpinglane 26 points27 points  (6 children)

you guys should stop psychologising this poor girl. instead think about the depressed rockstar who fucks left and right but whines all day long and compare it with this story.

it is all very simple: if your SMV is high enough, you can talk about whatever you want. dump your littleboy problems on her or appear needy, you are allowed to do whatever you please. but if your SMV is low, she won't accept that. and OP's SMV was too low in this case.

the question for OP is: what should I do so that next time I can talk about whatever I feel like and not give a single fuck because she will stay anyways?

The answer is: raise S-M-V. Sexual marketplace value. OP obviously lacks either appearance, mission or game. Once OP gets these corner pillars of manhood on point he becomes truly FREE to talk about his depression all day long and he will still get his dick sucked. High SMV is the ticket to IDGAF wonderland. your ticket is NOT to build a wall around yourself, then show no weakness, then succeed with the woman. no, you bring enough value to the table and then you talk about whatever you want.

[–]askmrcia 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This is the truth.

At the end of the day, OP was a rebound from her previous relationship. Afterwards she found a new guy.

That's what happened OP. Yea, you knew her for years. She probably thought you were hot shit because you didn't leave your LTR at the time for a pretty little thing like her.

Now after being with you for a while, the image of you being the perfect alpha male went away. You were there, you banged, she now has another guy.

This is oneitus 101. At the end of the day, she was a whore (like the rest of them). Move on. Hopefully you learn from this experience. Don't ever dump your issues on a chick UNLESS your SMV is far beyond hers.

[–]plainposter 3 points4 points  (0 children)

with enough value on the table you can practically say and do whatever you want, forever.. look at dan bilzerian.. all those 10s following him around.. it's hilarious, it's so obvious when you look at his lifestyle, that girls are fuckholes and complainers, and they only give their fuckholes to hot dudes

[–]redditer0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe the depressed rockstar only cares about himself and gives a fuck about the girls he fucks, and that's what they see.

[–]russbussdp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was looking for the words to say pretty much exactly this. Even if your attractive though, dumping your problems on a chick will dry her up so fast. When in doubt smirk and say nothing.

[–]voltMoe 5 points6 points  (1 child)

This is one of the better posts on here. I need more experience but I had a girl who would do anything for me... And the same situation happened as yours. Only thing is.. This girl actually took way longer.. Saw my 'weak' side on multiple occasions.

[–]lesupersize[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry to hear that dude. Experience comes with time!

[–]TAOofSTEVE 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Your girlfriend should be your best friend, but don't let that delude you into thinking that you should confide in her like you would confide in your male best friends. You should be her hero, her rock. You should be near god-like status in her eyes- in what you do, in what you say, in how you conduct yourself. Don't ever let her see behind the curtain. This is exactly how attraction is lost.

[–]redvelvet_oreo 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Very important to grasp this concept. I have been with my LTR for about 1.5 years now. I never talk about my problems to her ever. But just to show you how ridiculous women are..

One day I was with her stuck in transit in her car. I should have just went to work directly but instead decided to work from home but the problem was I was staying at her house. I decided we could drive back to me (about an hour away in city peak traffic). Normally this wouldnt matter but of course Murphys law decided to come for the ride with me that morning.

I received a panicky phone call from my boss that our ISP was in the building about to do some shit to our WAN circuits. I work for a billion dollar company if something happens to our WAN we are in deep shit especially during the busy season. My backup, my co-worker was off on maternity leave. The ISP tech couldn't verify which circuit they were going to "fix" . Since I was remote and in transit I could not get any documentation up to verify the circuit numbers he gave me. I was frustrated and angry and was yelling cause my job all of the sudden was on the line in seconds. This ISP tech was also adamant he had to fix the issue he was going to do it either way (I complained later to our account manager)

When we get to my house I bolted out the car and ran to my house so i can get on my desktop. My LTR literally expected me to find parking with her after hearing my entire phone call. After she finally came up and into my house she started saying I was rude the way I just left the car and didn't say anything to her. By the time she came up I had already resolved the issue but I think the shear insanity of the last 45 mins just made me snap.

I forgot what I yelled at her but i told her long story short my job was on the line I could have been instantly fired if something happened during such a critical time. Essentially I broke frame during that whole hour. She brought this up days later how uncomfortable she felt and how she had never seen that side of me.

Im not sure if she seen me as weak in the moment or whatever but it just shows how inconsiderate women are and its all about their emotions. I knew when it happened i lost frame and i knew I could never complain about this moment and her actions to her ever again because she would lose respect for me.

Months later i did tease her about the situation and she laughed and admitted she had been inconsiderate because if it was her job in a similar situation she would be fucked. But whatever thats just words we all know just to watch her actions.

[–]lesupersize[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Interesting story. Something I would like to add here is that my experience shows that anger is the least dangerous of being "out of frame". The worst is affirmation or begging. So you're good ;)

[–]redvelvet_oreo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol I agree to some level. Its ok to get angry but just dont over do it. You can easily take it to far by going to crazy or going to into far into your complaint and feelings. Its best just to avoid this shit at all times in front of your plate/LTR.

Im in an LTR because honestly I never had one before just some bullshit short term relationships. I do enjoy the company and comfort it comes with. She is a well off chick so she comes with her own dangers being that she is financially independent and not your average lazy bitch.

But the deeper it goes the more I see LTR and Marrying is such a waste of time. As a man you dont get much out of this shit. Its a shitty deal. Post TRP I could see how these stages of a relationship come about. I can see how you can be Alpha and how a woman will try to transform you into a beta over time.

Stay sharp gentlemen.

[–]FREEDNA 4 points5 points  (0 children)

If I feel a chick is crazy I start to act like I need her.. text her a few times more than usual about a problem I can't solve in my life.. they fucking disappear!

It's great. Don't waste time and energy breaking up with them.. let them do all the heavy lifting.

[–]robowalkers5 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think the part where a lot of people get confused here is the fact that she can still care about you, and even feel genuine empathy/sympathy for you when you detail your problems to her. Although her sexual attraction will wane after you tell her.

On a biological level, the purpose of sex is for the continuation of the species. Regardless if she's having sex casually without reproduction in mind, the biological underpinnings still apply. She wants to have sex with a man she views as strong so she can pass off those strong genes to her offspring which will help ensure continuation of the species.

If she sees that you are weak/cannot handle problems on an emotional level, this shows her on a subconscious level that you do not have strong genes and would produce weak offspring.

[–]hodltaco 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I credit Tom with me re-acquainting myself with myself. You see I had "evolved" into this deeply caring, ever present, supportive white knight blue piller. I had gone from an almost (thanks dad!) Red Pill natural in college to "finding myself in therapy" when at a cross-roads with my professional life in my late 20's. Luckily I had set myself up pretty well financially by the time I started that blue-pill journey on finding myself.

While I found therapy interesting, almost meaningful, it happened to make my wife have a much different view point of me. She of course expected me to be her rock and to really not have any problems of my own. Once I started sharing I could slowly see the disgust forming every time she looked at me. I started therapy in 1992 and was divorced by 1997. I credit Tom with putting my head back in the game. The wife at the time wanted a baby and I was ready to give it to her. I remember distinctly listening to Tom Leykis and forming the opinion in my head that I should treat my wife like any other person. Did I want to make a baby with her? Did I trust that she would stay with me? Was I interested in child support? I divorced her and got my life back.

I also stopped therapy. Used the money to travel the world and reflect. My journey into therapy while feeling good at the time left a bad impression with almost everyone I had ever known including my clients. One by one I lost almost everyone except my closest of friends. I even had to sell my business. I've spent nearly 20 years rebuilding and have to say everything Red Pill is about is completely true. It's one thing to lose it but to see it flourish right in front of your eyes is something amazing.

I owe my life to Tom.

[–]p3n1x 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She was very open with me and told me a lot of her problems and that she's had a hard time etc.

"Save Me"

I once admitted that life is hurting me and it made me lose all respect in her eyes.

How can you possible take care of her problems when you are having your own issues?

I was thinking "This girl has a lot of issues too, so maybe she would understand when I tell her I'm a bit down as for x reason".

You treated her like a man. They don't give a fuck about your problems, they just want to know you are handling shit.

You can have a low batting average for a short bit, but don't ever get knocked out of the starting lineup.

[–]L0git3x 5 points6 points  (0 children)

From my book. "She wants to keep it casual" <-- that gets an immediate next.

The funny part is some. (not all) will all of a sudden realize they cant hold you in the balance and will be like.. oh no.. come back.. and then they will OVER time go right back to being casual with you.

Ive got no time for BS.

That isnt a soul mate. That is a casual fuckbuddy. It seems to be VERY common these days. Cool if that is what you want but if it isnt.. bail. permanently.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fuck%20buddy

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=soulmate

subtile difference

I just learned the arabic word for "Thank you" today. so I could thank the people that make me the wonderous thing that is Beef shwarma. so that is my gift back.

shukraan شكرا

[–]Calderon1915 1 point2 points  (3 children)

I can feel you brother, from where are you coming from. The same shit happened to me last year summer and I was not able to let go back then. During winter I rebounded with her; forgaved her and was totally vulnerable (insert major traits of Betas) here. We stayed together during her days of internship with friends and we were in LDR so i had to travel to her place.

The shit just got real that she had already fucked one of her friends before my days of arrival and then I came to knew in this New-year 2017. When I asked her; she was guilty and kept her head down, then I packed my stuffs and DELETED her from my life.

Redpill Transition started. It's true that we never believe the other people saying, until and unless we have faced that music.

[–]lesupersize[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Sorry to hear that dude. Hope you're doing well by now?

[–]Calderon1915 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Yeah, I am getting over her. It's true my New Year sucked. The relation was vicious at the time of rebound. I shared each and every minute problems of mine with her; thinking at we'll be more bonded but Reality hits us and We are in emotional hamster-wheel. First relation, Lesson Learnt.

[–]lesupersize[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My 2017 isn't good at all either. Look, I honestly think it depends how you express things. When you say you shared your problems, did you look for affirmation and confirmation from her? There might be a difference between saying "Hey look, I'm not well but I'm dealing with it" or you constantly tell her your problems in hope she'll comfort you. Retrospectively I did the latter, I did not tell her once but a couple of times I have problems which I guess resulted in her feeling to comfort me (which I hoped for). When you scroll through this post you will find a similar story from someone else.

[–]TheRealShafron 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There are many people like her out there that cut things off with you if you express your emotions as it's happened to me before, but sometimes you'll actually find someone out there that wouldn't run away.

[–]PranksterLad 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How do you actually fight the brain chemicals and the urges?

[–]RPmatrix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

women want their man to 'lead' them, and a guy who's asking his girl for answers to his problems is not leading! simples

ALL she needs to know is that you're stressed/upset so she can deal with that by doing her thing providing food and comfort while her man 'thinks out a solution and puts its into action, ergo, problem solved, life's all good in the hood' again. Happiness and tingles and riding on the wind

KISS

[–]UnskippableAd 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Honestly I have to assume we are missing some information here. Either you are leaving out some other potential reasons for her to drop you or your "issues" are pretty bad.

[–]lesupersize[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

You are not missing any information. Well 1-2 arguments before, nothing serious. Define "bad issues"?

[–]UnskippableAd 0 points1 point  (2 children)

If I'm dating a chick and it comes out that she has a severe mental issue.. I don't know, crippling anxiety? This part is subjective. But whatever issues I deem as bad. If they came out and told me they had one of those issues there's a decent chance I would be like "yeah I'm not dealing with that shit" and move on.

[–]lesupersize[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Right but I'm talking about an issue which is nothing that it could be pretended before noir is it lasting for a long time. This is the point why I initially posted here because if something is only temporary why fleeing from it when you're in a relationship. Possible answer: Because I dealt with it weakly and not because the issue itself.

[–]UnskippableAd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah man I mean I can't comment because I don't know the whole story but the reality is men or women could have reacted this way and it's possible someone else may have been fine with whatever issue you had. I can tell you right now I'm personally willing to deal with some things and not others. Everyone has varying levels. It's not just about "weak and strong". The interesting conclusion here IMO is not whether showing weakness will scare chicks away or not, but whether being able to show weakness is a relationship requirement for you or not.

[–]Schroef 0 points1 point  (3 children)

I don't get where you guys keep finding these girls. My experience is completely the opposite of what is posted here.

But you are being very vague in what exactly happened, which enables circlejerking. "Here's proof for what this subreddit preaches: if you show weakness, the girl will bail1!!1!"

But what kind of weakness are we talking here and what exactly did you say? Very often I get the feeling people here are faking confidence, where 'keeping frame' is a performance trick they need to keep reminding themselves to perform.

You had a "huge issue" which took away all your headspace and was at a point you couldn't hide it anymore. I don't know what the issue is, but that doesn't sound like you're handling it well-- I apologize in advance since I don't know what it is. But on rule of thumb I would say a confident man very very very rarely finds himself in a situation where he has no headspace left and where he is hiding his problems.

[–]lesupersize[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I'm honest with you, I probably didnt handle it well, but this is also part of the problem right? I was not confident with this issue but I also didn't hide it. I spoke with her about it and since then things became different.

[–]Schroef 0 points1 point  (1 child)

this is also part of the problem

Part of which problem though?

I think you not being able to handle the problem well and the girl losing interest are symptoms of the same cause: you not being confident yet, or at peace with yourself, or however you wanna call it.

If that is true, there have been more moments then just this one where your insecurity showed, however you tried to hide it (or 'keep frame' as redpillers call it). And people (mostly) have a very good radar for this stuff. You can sense if someone's genuine or not. And I think it's makes a lot of sense that humans have this radar, because genuine people are good for survival. They sense something's off-- and listening to that sense might save them.

And hot girls will likely have very good radar for this, because they've been getting attention from lotsa people from an early age on-- genuine people, and people with more debatable intentions.

Now, you might say it's kinda shallow of the girl to bail so quickly, but keep in mind that she probably knows early on when things probably won't work out. I honestly can't blame her.

I've had my share of bad relationships, where the girl had some issues, but where I wasn't confident myself for sure. After these experiences, If I would be in a new relationship and sense that the girl was insecure, needy, I'd be out quick-- if only because I know the longer you stay, the harder it gets. It would be the best for both me and the girl.

[–]lesupersize[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im honest with you, this is probably the most fitting comment of this post. I agree that my insecurity played a huge part of this happening but it does not make my point less valid. If you're commiting I think you should be trying to get to the bottom of why this person is inconfident with his issues. I can certainly say that I'm a confident person in many areas but so I'm not in other areas. My moral of the story is that you should invest in a person when you make a step into a commited relationship but thats not reality! Thanks anyway, very on point.

[–]lefth4ndpath 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Something tells me the context of what your actual problem was may have had something to do with her reason for cutting ties.

In my experience, some women do actually stick around and have a desire to be some level of help or support for you when you're struggling with something. That all depends on whether or not she sees you as a value in her life though.

[–]ZeroToAHundred 1 point2 points  (1 child)

This.

I think it's crazy to generalize that all women will run from you if you tell them you're having problems or going through stuff. At the end of the day everyone goes through stuff. I think your demeanor when talking about your problems also has a lot to do with it, if you genuinely believe you're fucked and won't make it out of this problem then she's obviously going to panicky as well, however if you are confident enough to make it through the problem than she'll see that.

Another thing if she's seen you already go through stuff/problems and still make it out on top then she will be more relaxed the next time you go through stuff/problems.

[–]lefth4ndpath 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Excellent addition, thanks!

I think it's fair and healthy to assume that women generally do want a strong confident man, but that doesn't mean they expect you to be iron-clad or invincible. If they do, there might be something wrong with their own frame and they likely have a delusional idea of what men are.

[–]Grim-Reality 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To me this all seems so abnormal. How could it be so.... those famous words about the stoic man are ringing clear now. So should we share our emotions with our bros, fuck the hoes. Damn...

[–]plainposter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Atta boy. You'll come out stronger, and when she tries to beg for you back, laugh and get back to your own business.

[–]imonreddit4fun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She'll be back to gargle your nuts later. You could plate her, but she sounds psycho so I would avoid this chick at all costs. Sounds like a false rape accusation waiting to happen

[–]jonpe87 0 points1 point  (2 children)

tl;dr: in masculine terms, you have gained 50lbs of weight in her eyes

[–]lesupersize[S] 0 points1 point  (14 children)

Guys there is one thing I'm curious about. Do you think it was TRP way of accepting her break up the way I did? I mean saying "Fine, if you've made your decision then this is it" and then deleting everything? What do you reckon?

[–]1Jaereth 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Pretty good i'd say. Never beg or grovel for anyone to stay with you. If they don't consider it a privilege to begin with you can do better.

[–]lesupersize[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks dude, at least I get some affirmation from you guys.

[–]matthewzz1997 5 points6 points  (10 children)

You’re unlikely to get back together, even just casually, so it sounds good to me.

[–]lesupersize[S] 4 points5 points  (9 children)

Just wondering if I'm confirming my behaviour by deleting her or if I should remain "I don't care"? Whats the experience on this.

[–]Zormut 5 points6 points  (8 children)

I've been there. Deleting them only shows that you care, just make it look like nothing happened. Which, sadly, has really happened to her. It's okay to tell your wife your problems, but it's not okay to tell them to your fucktoy. You lost a fucktoy. There's plenty of them for everyone, you just need to stop thinking about them as if they are suitable for happy marriage.

[–]lesupersize[S] -1 points0 points  (7 children)

A fucktoy that wanted a committed relationship...

[–]antariusz 8 points9 points  (5 children)

Sounds like you were the one that wanted a committed relationship. She on the other hand lied to you about that to test you, and you failed.

[–]lesupersize[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

I don't think so. As I said in my OP I was okay with being casual while she then send me messages saying "I'm constantly thinking about you". But I agree that I also wanted it and kinda convinced her with nice words to start a commitment. Don't see any shit test in that though.

[–]antariusz 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The shit test is that you always need to have better options than her, you always need to be aloof, it can't be an act, it has to become a part of who you are. If she thinks she can do better than you, she will.

[–]Endorsed Contributorsqerl 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I was okay with being casual

And

she then send me messages saying "I'm constantly thinking about you"

Are not related in any way.

It does not mean she wanted a committed relationship. She trusted you well enough to have sex with you but didn't want the emotional investment of a LTR. Being casual is about having sex, still being able to play the field, and having fun. Sharing your troubles is like telling your girl "I need you" - instant attraction killer.

But I agree that I also wanted it and kinda convinced her with nice words to start a commitment.

Of course you wanted a commitment. She's hot, you don't want another dude fucking her, but you want to share your problems.

Don't see any shit test in that though.

Of course not. You're still blue pill at heart. You wanted a commitment purely because she's hot. She did nothing for you, and you wanted a commitment because of how she looks. Sure, you've known her for a while. Great. You were an orbiter that finally got a chance to screw her, then you promptly starting talking to her like she's your mom. She wants to fuck and have fun; you want to fuck and cry on her shoulder. Shit test failed.

[–]juliusstreicher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't see any shit test in that though.

Does this tell you something??

[–]juliusstreicher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, I know with whom she didn't want it...

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