SUMMARY: Raised my son for 3 1/2 years to find out he wasnt mine.
BACKGROUND: Knocked up my girlfriend @ 23. Got a better job at crushing my sole. Earned more money to pay rent for a house she wanted. Worked terrible hours to suppoer my family. (My spelling is shit)
BODY: As all young men do is go out and find a pretty goal to stick your dick into. I found mine and kept on doing that unprotected as stupid guys do. Roughly into a year of dating this girl who at the time was actually pretty good looking we find out she was pregnant.
What did i do? Well we dropped the expensive apartment we lived in because that is a smart thing to do. From here we moved into my parents controlling house as it was the cheapest option. While doing this I stuck in a battle of control between my mother and my partner at the time. As any stupid guy you stay on both sides and let that play out.
While living out the family dream i had to go and get a higher paying job so I did. With that come roster hours. Those included 6am starts and some days 10pm finish. Again the beta in me did it as that is what i learnt was the "right thing to do".
A year into a shitty job and now having a child who takes away your free time with 0 sex I actually started to push back. The moment I wanted to become myself again i had all sorts of troubles. She wanted to go to uni, so I organised a my friend to baby sit or my family to do so. She took my car as she didnt have one and i spent allllllll my money on petrol. Hell i even paid for stationary.
That didnt last long so we ended out "relationship". She did what Ive seen on here and heard from mates is bring back sex. I was actually smart enough and didnt humor her. That result in 2-4 weeks sleeping in a couch while I organised another bed in the house I paid all the rent for while we "broke up".
During this entire time I went from being a skinny arse nerd to a FAT fuck. easily 30KG + gained. I dont know the conversion for you US folk but im sure google can sort it out.
What next you ask? Kidney stones. Dealing with that and a break up yeahhhh never again i said. What did i agree too? 6 months of living with my ex while co-parenting. She during this time paid 0 rent and I was treated like the partner to pay for everything. I did it.
Great she is moving out what shit do I agree to at the time now. Well one thing im super happy i did was organising my family to pack the van so she could get out in 1 go and not waste my time. What I didnt plan for was having to drive my car with her crap and help them unpack. That was fine and dandy untill they expected me to pay for the van petrol that her and her family hired. Again I did it.
At this stage I ended up getting a crazy house mate and using the money to get drunk every weekend and actually banging decent babes. Some women love a dad bod and I wont forget those times. Those time kept me sane.
A year later, ive found a better job and to get some money under my belt ive moved back home to my mother. This was a choice Ive regreted but thats another story. Ex starts to play the im abusing my son while he spends time with me. Ill be honest i never hit my son but i wasnt the most active dad as I was unfit and fat.
During this time now that i look back everything she did was clearly planned out. I was asked on the day before my birthday for a DNA test. She calmed she didnt know my bday but a facebook post i made a week she commented on. A month after this I lawyered up.
My memmory of the time frame after this point is a bit iffy so im going to do dot point. Most of that time frame is spend from 2014 to 2015
- Ask for DNA test before my birthday
- Step father dies in here somewhere.
- Lawyered up
- Send leter requesting acces.
- She denies access claiming abuse
- Provideds access on fathers day 6 weeks after denying it
- Receive letter from Births, Death and marraiges advising Im no longer on the birthday certificate. (On the aniversary of my step fathers death)
After that not much happened, I wasted money trying to get access to a son that wasnt mine. She had already fled my state so options where 0 and cost was high. 2 years in court with no resolution i pulled away a defeated man.
She knew from the begining he was never mine. That was all a plan to do what she wanted. As soon as I didnt fall into the beta mind set she pulled out the trump card.
LESSONS LEARNED: I cant tell you what I have learned as im still learning. I can only tell you what I did and you can see everywhere I went wrong.
One thing I have is I respect my father a lot more now then when i was a teeenager. He has helped me more then anything else ever. Im back on my feet and seemling not unhappy now.
Being a dad was as much as it was terrible as the time a great thing to do. I loved doing guy shit with my son. That shit was one of the best feelings i miss.
WHAT HAVE I CHANGED: I hit the gym and I love it. I got my motorbike license and nearly lost it. I live alone and I do what I want.
Im still shit with women but that is improving.