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Off TopicIn need of psychotherapy for PTSD, social anxiety, depression, etc? Make sure to choose a *male* therapist. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by [deleted]

tl;dr: Male therapists get right to the point in providing solutions to your issues, think logically about your problems, and don't get swept up in conversations, rather than actual therapy, as female therapists tend to do.

I have always been one to suffer with intense social anxiety. Constant fear of people judging me in public, leading me to try and talk a certain way, stand a certain way, act a certain way, etc. The panic I've felt in social situations can be so intense that it literally feels as if my skin is on fire by the time I get out of public. After trying all of the medicines in the world over the years, and various therapists, I completely gave up on psychiatry and modern medicine in all of its forms.

After discovering redpill philosophy, and embracing things that are beneficial to me from it, I eventually realized that my problems with social anxiety were still not going away, and decided to have one last go at seeing a specialist about it. I rolled a die, made an appointment with no one in particular in mind, and showed up.

I'm greeted by a doc, a man named Steve. At first I thought nothing of it, and the typical "I wonder how bluepill this guy is, etc. etc." thoughts of judgment went through my head. But I remembered to put such thinking aside, and just roll with it.

Last time I'd given therapy a try, I saw someone who specializes in a technique known as EMDR. I was optimistic in trying it, and began attending appointments, and the specialist was a woman. Yet, as the third month of treatment rolled in, I still feel that there wasn't any real structure to the therapy, just as I felt with other female therapists I'd seen in the past. You see, women, as we all know, become engaged in conversation quite easily. Every time I've had a female therapist, this is what would always happen - I would share stories of my past, and then she would share stories of hers, as well. It never, ever felt as if any actual work was being done to conquer my issues, and nothing but lots of talking would be done.

It was as if I was being as much of a therapist to her as she was to me.

With Steve, all of that was different. I take a seat in his office, and he flat out got right to the chase, immediately, peppering me with various questions. He wasn't much interested in creating an emotional connection with me, but rather zeroed right in to the issues at hand, getting as many details as he could about the problems I was facing. As I answered his inquiries, I could physically see his gears of logic turning, as he was formulating possible solutions to my problems, rather than getting wrapped up in emotions about stories of my past, and relating my emotions to things that have happened to him.

So far, even though I have only attended two measly appointments with the guy, I feel that the advice he's given me and the work we've done has gotten me further than all of the time I've spent with female therapists. I know that, upon visit #3, he will have a plan of action in his mind, and will want to roll up the sleeves and get right to work, picking up from where we left off last time. With my last (female) therapist, there were times I would show up and she would literally ask, "So, what's on the agenda today? What would you like to work on?" I'm sitting there thinking, "I'm not sure...I thought I would explain my issues and that you would create a treatment plan." No. She was interested in having reciprocal conversations with me, as were other female therapists, rather than viewing my issues from a place of logic and using techniques that would begin to re-wire my brain and the ways it reacts to social situations. She once even got caught up in a fifteen minute long tale of how stressful things have been in trying to get last-minute details accomplished before her new (and first) book is about to come out. And I literally paid to sit there and hear that crap, along with her occasionally reading excerpts of her new book, and waiting to see my emotional reactions to them for validation.

She wanted to share tales, have laughs, and feel emotions.

Steve doesn't give a shit about any of that. He doesn't even care too much about why my issues have occurred, as he himself stated. His main concern is how we can fix them.

For those in need of one, do yourself a favor, and find a therapist with a male brain.

  • There's no shame in psychotherapy if you need it

  • Male therapists apply logic to your life and your issues, and develop plans of attack

  • Female therapists are generally more interested in conversation than actual therapy, and can't wait to share as much about their life with you as you share with them


[–]rubixd 294 points295 points  (21 children)

To be perfectly honest it sounds like the female therapist(s) you're describing is just a bad therapist. I may only have a basic understanding of therapy but I know that the therapist is supposed to tell you little-to-nothing about his or her own life because of how it affects the client's perception of the therapist.

That being said I 100% agree that men should seek out therapy from other males (with certain possible exceptions based primarily on sexuality).

I had a great female therapist, however, it didn't work for me because she was attractive. Males have an intrinsic understanding of other men, and "sex" won't get in the way.

[–]UnskippableAd 82 points83 points  (11 children)

I also had a good female therapist, but she was pretty hot and I had the hardest time being 100% honest because my little monkey brain was always thinking "we have a chance bro!". I tried and failed hooking up with her too.

[–]rubixd 36 points37 points  (4 children)

I wasn't completely honest, either.

[–]purplecabbage 21 points22 points  (3 children)

Me too. Hot therapist, and I couldn't tell her about my sexual issues and be honest too, lest I tell her I wanted to bone her on the same couch I was sitting on.

[–]1htbf 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I wish I had hot therapist. Only girls I wana open up to are hot girls.

[–]Tense_Supervillain 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thats funny I have the opposite view when it comes to opening to woman, if i tell a hot woman something personal i feel its over.

[–]1swaglordobama 5 points6 points  (1 child)

That's on you being ashamed of your sexuality, or more frankly having the belief that it's inappropriate to discuss sexuality with a woman.

I've learned a ton about women and female psychology by having open, honest discussions with them about sex. They are usually super nervous and have a lot of insecurities surrounding sex, which is why comfort is more important than value.

[–]UnskippableAd 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I didn't say I wasn't honest about my sexuality. In fact I was completely honest with her about that. I was just never able to open up about other things.

[–]2niczar 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Something unrelated, but I once had a terrible case of gastroenteritis and had to go to the ER, where I was attended to by two stupidly hot young female doctors and one equally hot nurse.

Describing my symptoms was hilariously embarrassing, which made me laugh, which in turn made me double in pain.

[–]UnskippableAd 2 points3 points  (0 children)

hahaha. When I had my appendix removed there was a cute nurse with me when I was coming out of anesthesia. The people there (on of them being my girlfriend) told me later that I had been hitting on the nurse. I even asked her to put her number in my phone. So smooth.

[–]qwertyuiop111222 24 points25 points  (1 child)

To be perfectly honest it sounds like the female therapist(s) you're describing is just a bad therapist.

And bad therapists abound. It's incredibly easy to become a therapist, so my recommendation is to look for someone who has been treating patients for 10 years or more. Even if they started off as idiots, in 10 years, you hope that they have learned something. Also useful is to look at their education: is it an LICSW, or a PhD.

Age, years of experience, and education are no guarantee of wisdom, but if you have too many therapists to choose from, start with these filters.

[–]TheWardylan 5 points6 points  (0 children)

LCSW aren't bad. In my experience I've found they are more likely to apply psychological concepts to real world problems while PhD are more abstract in my experience.

I will say this though, Psychiatrists, MD, they are the real brainiacs. There was a period of time I was blessed to work with a Psychiatrist exclusively for both weekly counseling as well as medication for PTSD and some other issues and it was some of the best work I've done in sorting myself out.

I would actually highly recommend everyone see a psychologist for counseling on some scheduled basis. That guided reflection is, in my opinion, one of the best ways to begin or continue personal emotional and mental growth.

[–]SoulRedemption 14 points15 points  (0 children)

This here. The last paragraph. Naturally it's best to go with a male therapist because "sex" won't get in the way. Unless you are gay, then I would switch up.

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (2 children)

I'm certain that there are good female therapists in practice. I just hadn't come across one and, as you say, perhaps males should stick to male therapists.

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Definitly was a shit therapist. Had 2 female therapists in my life. One in the past, one currently. Past one sucked. Current one is a little like a fucking robot. Like she is female, i have her face in my head... but there is nothing to her that would affect any instincts or emotions for me. Its like she is fully apathic... but she does a good job.

[–]thunderbeyond 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree with OP. Male therapists generally get to the "ok how do we fix this" part nice and quick.

I had a HB8 marriage counsellor (yep...) who was wearing a green sundress... yes it does change what you say and think. It certainly changed what my focus was on.

[–]thunderbeyond 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree with OP. Male therapists generally get to the "ok how do we fix this" part nice and quick.

I had a HB8 marriage counsellor (yep...) who was wearing a green sundress... yes it does change what you say and think. It certainly changed what my focus was on.

[–]30percentslave2USgov 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I read this I was like "Damn, that sounds exactly like the last (and only) two therapists (both female) I've had!" There are exeptions to every rule but as a generality I think this is unfortunately pretty accurate.

In addition, most men would probably feel more comfortable discussing any issues they might have related to women with another man. Too bad the profession is literally dominated by women.

[–][deleted] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

I’ve had a very similar experience. I’ve been seeing a female therapist for the past nine months and honestly haven’t made much progress at all. Most the time we just talk about the same stuff or have conversations about random things, or she just tries to link things back to some traumas in my past and do tons of EMDR for those incidents, which hasn’t done shit for me. There were also certain things I’ve never really felt comfortable talking to her about because she was a woman and wouldn’t understand as well. Started seeing a male therapist and he got right to the point about my issues and actually seems to have an idea of a structured plan for how we are going to do therapy. He also gives me good advice and constructive criticism, rather than just giving me sympathy when I talk about certain things which have been bothering me.

[–]Rollo_Mayhem3 56 points57 points  (12 children)

I am a licensed psychotherapist and thinking about marketing myself to males with an emphasis on positive masculinity.

I can tell you that while it's moderately difficult to get a license, there are just too many individuals, particularly females that choose the profession. Being at school and then working side by side with many females, perhaps like with anything else, the law of large numbers suggests that half of the therpists are poor. But also the females themselves are typically SJWs or have a political angle or agenda such as domestic violence (because they were abuses) or poverty/racial justice (because they are racial minorities) and so putting all that together, the bulk of therapists will not be suitable for a white male struggling with issues of masculinity or opposite sex relationships.

Depression and anxiety are real conditions that lifting or having a good job with a decent income don't fully address. Generally speaking those "clinically significant" levels of depression or anxiety are not as prelevant as one might think. We live in the "age of anxiety" it's become part of the modern world, however. Manifesting in generalized feelings of malaise, distraction, periodic emptiness/lonliness..most people cope through self-medication which can be effective but actually overtime years creates a handicap...it's usually then that people hit rock bottom and seek help.

So you really have to be careful of who choose as a therapist, particularly as a male.

[–]refunkulation 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Its a great idea. I read not too long ago about how few black therapists there were, and how much of a stigma it was for therapy in the black community.

The stigma of therapy or psychotherapy as feminine needs to change. This is how problems in America get brushed aside, stigmatized and drives people away.

[–]cherryCanSuckMyDick 6 points7 points  (3 children)

We live in the "age of anxiety" it's become part of the modern world, however. Manifesting in generalized feelings of malaise, distraction, periodic emptiness/lonliness..most people cope through self-medication

Are there any well supported theories on why?

[–]Rollo_Mayhem3 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Well this assertion comes from various psychotherapists and psychoanalyst who have observed that in their private practices, more and more people complained of symptoms of anxiety. This is was oppose to symptoms of depression, at t her time called hysteria, then manic depession, now bi-polar (which may change eventually).

Now to answer your question with a quote for Kieregaaed, "Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom." You asked for a well supported theory, however, my assertion was extremely broad to convey the overall experience of people in the west. It's certainly debatable. That being said, the anxiety i talk of comes from a perceived threat to something one values within themselves. It varys to the individual. So the theory is anxiety is outcome of unresolving an identity crisis, which comes with freedom. Man is now forced because he has the time, to ask himself "who am i?" And with no real answer, the default is anyone I want to be. But most of us never actually achieve. Rather we look outwards towards others for who we are, we compare ourselves, judge ourselfs...left without any real identity and of course we never measure up to any ideal...

Additionally to make matters worse, we are isolated, as we moved into nuclear families and now many of us living alone, we feel depersonalized, a commodity...some people don't even feel real (they cut themselves for example). Self-harm is on the rise. Kids having anxiety about even going to school they throw up in their sleep. Anyway, that's my take without pulling out my reference books.

Edit: I am optimist as a therapist so let me add that this: Anxiety ultimately is good because it can lead to personal growth and resolution of identity crisis. I am sure many of you heard of the study the students with just enough anxiety as oppose to extreme either direction (none versus a lot) performed the best on exams.

[–]pri35t 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just to piggy back on this. Identity crisis can also be explained as humans having two states of existence. Human beings and human doings. Human being is the 'who am I' that you speak of (I.e. The values we consider ourselves to have such as integrity, authenticity, etc) and human doing is when we define ourselves by what we do or roles that we possess (such as soldier, husband, leader). Identity crisis typically comes from the latter once those roles are stripped from us. We typically live in those roles for so long it can be hard to figure out who we are and if we aren't careful we can move from one role into another without living in our own state of being. The greatest thing is that we have the power of choice every single day to decide who we want to be and what values matter most to us, even if we didn't previously embrace them. If you recently were laid off, divorced/separated or lost a loved one and are suffering from depression, addiction, lack of fulfillment, then make sure that you seek help because the problems can get worse. There is too much of a stigma that asking for help means that you are a beta/weak male. To me, it's actually the opposite belief. By seeking help you will face the toughest enemy in the world. Yourself. Once you face it fully, you'll come out the other side feeling renewed and stronger.

Edit: spelling

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Humans aren't meant to live in huge packs where nothing they do really makes much difference, and they're unable to be themselves because there are thousands of rules telling them what they can and can't do, and the rules change all the time.

It's hardly surprising that most people are unhappy and many are downright crazy. It's like the famous rat experiment, only worse.

Fortunately, that era of history is coming to an end.

[–]silverhog1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good comment, I think it’d be an awesome way to market yourself.

You should do a post on what makes a shit therapist and a good one; I feel there would be many lurkers in TRP that would benefit

[–]--Edog-- 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great idea about therapy practice for men.

[–]sillysally09 1 points1 points [recovered]

When you say people self medicate what does that typically look like?

[–]Rollo_Mayhem3 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Any behavior that alleviates the anxiety without eliminating the cause. The most classic is alcoholism, drugs, risk-tasking, music, etc... the possibilities are virtually endless. It's not the behavior per se, it's the intent which is to forget or distract myslef from thinking about my personal problems, failings, guilt...

[–]TheWardylan 0 points1 point  (1 child)

As a person working in the field, what are your thoughts on Dr. Jordan Peterson and some of the stuff he's put out in lectures and readings?

Also congrats on the plan to work on positive masculinity from a psychotherapeutic perspective.

[–]Rollo_Mayhem3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've seen a handful of his videos, at first glance he seems accurate when it comes to materials related to mental health and relationships. I see value in listening to some of his videos. When he gets into politics, I tend to change the video. I need to watch more of his videos to get a better sense of where he is coming from, see if he has an agenda...I think he's Canadian which is interesting...

[–]lxjuice 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree completely that male therapists tend to be better for males but for your reasoning, not OPs. Someone who talks about their life for 15mins is a bad therapist whether they are male or female. Whereas someone who has unprocessed trauma (by and large female therapists, especially if male-perpetrated) or any other agenda is not going to be able to relate properly and bam the therapeutic relationship is out the window.

This was the problem I had with my female therapist. She was logical which I liked but emotionally there was something missing. She never really got itTM emotionally and she let slip her agendas. That meant her logic was useless because she couldn't empathise properly, maybe because she saw me through the lens of her agendas. Let's face it, logic and emotion are not 2 completely separate processes in reality. That's why I wouldn't be so quick to make it logic vs emotion like /u/StinkyDiaper

[–]1mental_models 13 points14 points  (6 children)

I feel that a really wise therapist is probably a great asset.

Psychology ended up being one of the fields that I most studied.

Whenever you as a human are doing any kind of great things, you are going to face psychological misjudgment/bias/tendency. These things aren't always apparent in a 'cold-state', but in a hot-state they surface. These are behavioral heuristics that our brain has evolved to use. Following them blindly is cool for survival in general, but can be exploited by our rivals or by market structure. Conquering them is a key part of success.

My own limited experience left much to be desired. As a young man, I once tried some therapy that was available to me, at a time that I was going through a difficulty. It was a complete fail.

I was assigned a young female counselor/therapist. She seemed like the type of woman who marries a guy with decent money, and then holds an almost 'token' sort of job to keep busy (as opposed to someone passionate about her work who is striving to be successful). I went two or three times, but it was obvious that she had no wisdom to offer, and that her job was simply to warm a seat in order to collect visit money, and the actual psych doctor was someone you get to see once a month, and his job was to prescribe meds.

[–]newls 20 points21 points  (5 children)

I was assigned a young female counselor/therapist. She seemed like the type of woman who marries a guy with decent money, and then holds an almost 'token' sort of job to keep busy (as opposed to someone passionate about her work who is striving to be successful).

Nothing invokes more fury in my body than people who live comfortable lives while being mediocre at their jobs. I obsessively struggle and bleed to become the best I can possibly be at everything I do.

It is now the norm for women to stay mediocre at their jobs for years, while getting higher salaries than younger men who provide far more value to the same companies. It makes me furious.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

It is now the norm for women to stay mediocre at their jobs for years, while getting higher salaries than younger men who provide far more value to the same companies.

You're on to something here but instead of using this knowledge to your advantage you're it sounds like you're just getting upset that things don't work the way you think they should. Which is totally reasonable cause I agree it's retarded, but now you know it's all about appearances and getting in with the right people. If you would like to continue obsessively struggling to become the best at everything you do then pick something else where you will you be rewarded purely on the value of what you produce and not the appearance.

For example I like to play music, and yeah appearance maybe matters a little bit, but if you have a good band and you practice a fuckton and you sound fantastic live people are gonna start to pay attention even if you're all ugly nerds because at the end of the day people want to hear good music. There's plenty of other things like that, too, where hard work and ability IS the number one thing that gets rewarded. People want to hire good plumbers, they want to eat good food, they want to an orthodontist that gets the job done, etc.

[–]newls 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm aware, I just needed to vent. I enjoy having my own business now because it means that a +x effort yields a +x reward. As an employee, +x effort does not necessarily yield any extra reward at all.

[–]refunkulation 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Value at a company is dependent on the type of work. I can see mediocrity in female managers, especially narcisstic types who are great at playing politics, but not in actual work.

Unless you're working in corporate world, companies are not structured to be oriented towards female mediocrity in favor of men who bring value. This is how companies die, complacency, and not worth complaining about either. If you can bring value as a man, you will win over mediocrity unless you bump into politics / management.

But, if you claim ownership on work, claim responsibility for better or worse, great people, men or women, in a company will recognize that. Leadership is so simple, own a problem and drive forward the solution. Thats it. You don't need Tony Robbins or any gurus to teach how to be a leader. Watch Band of Brothers, in episodes where the officer in a battle gets killed, the next man up to lead is the one who owns the situation and commands the others to follow.

And if the company lacks great people, they will die. If you are great at your job, you tend to win, or get out of a bad situation in favor of a good one. Confidence, simple as that.

[–]newls 5 points6 points  (1 child)

This is also why you usually never see women at the foundation and early startup stages. It's full of risk, they see no reason to join at that point. Women are introduced to the company when it's established and already successful.

The young male engineers who built the company are still there, and the new employees brought in are paid higher salaries for moving companies, that's just how it works. Unless the former can continually fight against the pay ceilings they try to impose on them.

They also need to recognise the delay tactics, one of the most common is "ah well we didn't want to process any promotions or salary increases until the end of the financial year", or they try to impose six-month appraisals to enforce some predictability.

The most effective ways to blow past all of these is to regularly apply to jobs at other companies:

  1. You don't get offered the jobs you apply for
  2. They do send you an offer and it usually includes a salary bump, in which case:

    a. You accept an offer and enjoy your new salary, title, and benefits

    b. You tell your current boss about your offer and threaten to accept it unless they offer you the same title or salary bump

Guys out there who are working for other people need to understand that they aren't maximising their power potential if they aren't doing this.

As a general rule, companies do not reward loyalty. It's a paradox that they'll instead be taken for granted. That can work to their advantage however if they suddenly turn around and threaten to leave for greener pastures, because the company grows dependent on employees like that.

[–]vwzwv 25 points26 points  (5 children)

Gold post. Most people don't think they have to shop things like psychologists, doctors, lawyers. They figure, 'I don't know what I'm doing thats why I'm paying for them' then dump a shitload of money on someone who skirted through college who has no intellectual merit or talent. Instead these 'professionals' developed skills are developed for the necessity of staying employed. This means forming themselves around the accepted profitable status quo.


Doctor example:

Doling out anti-depressant drugs = $$.


Psychologist Example:

Client: I feel we are having conversations but no progress is being made.

Psychologist: I'm sorry you feel that way.


[–]zeno82 6 points7 points  (4 children)

That's not what a halfway decent Psychologist would say....

[–]TheAmphibiaRapist 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry you feel that way

[–]vwzwv 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Might not be what they would say but that's what it would mean.

pay > someone else

selling you fries with that > you

doctor $$ > patients

prosecutor's status > falsely accused innocent person

closing a sale of a shitty car > pitching a worthwhile car

In every situation above the darwinism never acknowledged, and denied at very best to the point people don't think it exists to any significant degree. Society is a fabric of this stuff. It's price discovery 2.0.

[–]zeno82 4 points5 points  (1 child)

What a bunch of pessimistic bullshit. Are there some people like that? Sure. Maybe the car salesman example is more likely to ring true as well, since sales is all about profit motive.

But you're an idiot if you think people who go into professions like Psychology or Family Medicine only care about money, or that those goals above are even what makes them the most money.

For example, it's not making you talk about shit that makes patients come back to you in psychology. Good psychologists call you out if you're not putting in any work or you're not interested in improving. They build a rapport and working relationship with someone that's a lot more complicated than "you just sit and talk and I pretend to care".

Not to mention that there's a lot of people that aren't in private practice and are salaried, so it doesn't even matter if they retain a client from a money perspective! They chose that profession to help others, or because they're fascinated by how the brain works or how to recognize and treat disorders most effectively, etc.

[–]professor_mcamateur 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I agree 10,000%

A female counselor I saw once seemed to act like she knew exactly what to say, but kept making condescending statement as if to say "deep down" I would/should know the right thing to do... Eye rolls and all.

Never went back to her and a year or two later I saw a male counselor about anxiety and depression and he really helped me get a better perspective.

[–]downvotesanimals 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Unless you get a SJW therapist. Then you're fucked regardless.

[–]pmtiggobitties 19 points20 points  (0 children)

This. Had really bad anxiety in the for about 5 years.

First two therapist were women, fuck they dont know what the fuck they are doing. It didnt help at all.

Tried it again around year 4. Male therapist. He cut to the chase. No feelings shit, just straight up DIRECTION. After about 5 weeks, I had a handle on the steps to living anxiety free.

Today. Meditate 45 mins a day. Zen buddhist style.

[–]theflappiestflapper 20 points21 points  (13 children)

Comment is just about the title because well you're drawing the line too broadly.

If you need a psychotherapist, make sure you know their theoretical perspective and what they will be doing. A psychodynamic therapist will look heavily into your past, while an emotionally focused therapist will focus on emotions and will not give you advice. So basing it off sex alone is pretty dumb, especially when the field is fairly full of women

[–]BlackVale -1 points0 points  (12 children)

Considering the atmosphere between the sexes and the fact that females don't understand/ care about male issues they will generally make bad therapists for us. The "broad line" stands.

[–]theflappiestflapper 1 point2 points  (10 children)

All depends on the situation and what you want out of the therapy. There are advantages for having a therapist of the same sex, and also some for having a therapist that would be the opposite. The psychologist will use their own personal experience and expertise in the therapy to varying degrees, which also depends on their theoretical perspective.

[–]BlackVale 0 points1 point  (9 children)

What are the advantages for the opposite sex?

[–]theflappiestflapper 0 points1 point  (8 children)

Different perspective on the problem you are seeing a therapist for. It really helps for patients with social anxiety for instance.

[–]BlackVale 0 points1 point  (7 children)

But why can't you get that from another male therapist?

[–]theflappiestflapper -2 points-1 points  (6 children)

How would you get an accurate female perspective from a male therapist?

[–]BlackVale 2 points3 points  (5 children)

What does the female perspective offer over the male perspective in the case of social anxiety? Why would the female perspective be better than the male's in certain circumstances? Why should I care about the female perspective?

[–]theflappiestflapper -3 points-2 points  (4 children)

You're thinking in absolutes. Pick your own damn psychologist, there are advantages and disadvantages for each and every variable of a psychologist, as well as your own situation. If you only want to talk to men more power to you

[–]BlackVale 2 points3 points  (3 children)

I'm just asking you what does sex have to do with a different perspective. You brought the point up and you can't explain it?

[–]theflappiestflapper -1 points0 points  (0 children)

What do you think therapy is for? What are you expecting the therapist to do? Do you want the therapist to tell you exactly what he/she thinks you should do?

Edit: also nice EDIT

[–]HoRaTiO12345 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Nice story, I hope the therapy works for you. From what I read, if Steve can't fix it, no one can!

[–]185poundsofhatredWIP 7 points8 points  (3 children)

You trying to say lifting isn't enough?

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Lol. Seriously, though, heavy lifting is actually very bad and counterproductive for me. If I push myself too hard, I crash out and feel horrendous - regardless of how many calories I take in or supplements I try.

I now lift at a calm, casual pace, giving myself periods of rest in-between sets, and I listen to my body if I feel it is becoming too tired to keep pushing, and stop to give myself the rest I need. Weightlifting now feels like a zen meditation session for me, and it's much more enjoyable.

It took me years to take my ego out of lifting, and to stop using weights to simply get big muscles - once I started lifting sans ego, exercise began doing what it's meant to do: make me feel relaxed, happy, and slightly stimulated.

[–]MrEscher 3 points4 points  (0 children)

yeah I feel comfortable talking to male therapists, as I get the sense they can understand where I am coming from and will judge me less than a female would.

[–]macaroon18 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Alot of talk here about 'problems, soloutions and weaknesses.' I'm considering this path too and I don't see myself or anyone else as having problems that need 'fixing.' Weaknesses and our strengths are part of our makeup as human beings and all relative. For me a good therapist would be someone who can help me work with my own mind and emotion to shine some light in the places that need attention. Being able to see the patterns we are operating. Its not about being broken and needing someone to fix you.

[–]UCISee 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Very late to the party here, but you couldn't be more correct. Was forced to see a male marriage counselor in a pst life, we clicked and he basically agreed with a majority of what I said and was on my side about her being a psycho. Fast forward to being evaluated for unrelated PTSD and I get a female. First, she was late. I'm already mad. Then she ate the entire time. Strike two. Eventually it came down to her sharing stories about how she's too busty (obese woman with massive tits) to go through the machines at the airport without setting them off. She also discussed her choice of blinds in the office. I had one visit to be evaluated, and we talked about her cup size and the drapes. Forward again to seeing a male for treatment and exactly what you said. Doesn't care if we get to know each other. We don't talk about shoe size or whatever nonsense, we talk about treatment and plans of attack. Spot on analysis. I really think it comes down to birds of a feather. If you can't approach a woman because of social anxiety, how can a woman relate to that and give advice or help based on experience? She can't.

[–]cudder17 28 points29 points  (8 children)

Check your testosterone levels

Edit: why the downvotes?

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (6 children)

Sounds like it's worth a shot. What's the best way to go about that?

[–]lll_lll_lll 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If you're going to see a doc for a testosterone blood test you are supposed to go early in the am btw.

[–]cudder17 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Go to your doctor and ask for a blood test. Then when you see your results look online and see if you're results are normal for your age.

[–]cherryCanSuckMyDick 4 points5 points  (1 child)

is there a way of accessing past results when youve had it done in the past few months-years?

[–]HitlersCow 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Your doctor's office should have it on file. Just call and ask

[–]WhorehouseVet 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Private MD labs, if your state allows it.

[–]gimpyflannigan 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I have a Redpill af female therapist who is cut and dry and to the point, same one my Redpill and Uber successful dad sees when he needs some issues addressed he can't himself. Don't stereotype because that isn't quite accurate but instead make sure if you look for a therapist you don't settle on the first one and find one who is as driven to help you as you are

[–]zoom54321 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I went to a female therapist for EMdR therapy to deal with some PTSD issues. She was great. Not sure I agree with the post.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have had a male and female therapist. The male one was actually the one to get caught up in chatting. We would talk about cars and guns and anything besides real stuff.

The female therapist was older and actually really good. We got the problems and talked about them. She gave me a lot of perspective.

There are bad therapists out there on both sides I’m sure.

[–]Barvazon 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I would share stories of my past, and then she would share stories of hers, as well.

My female therapist has NEVER shared anything about herself.

[–]DancingC0w 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Seriously, this seems either fake as hell or that is an awful therapist lol

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I have a lot of experience with therapists both directly and indirectly and I can confirm that female therapists are not only shit, they’re often counterproductive. Think of the reasons why a woman might be motivated to become a therapist vs a man and you’re halfway there.

I don’t want to dig into my medical history or that of people I care about but (unfortunately) I know A LOT about therapists. Oh and one of my closest friends is a therapist dealing with high risk cases.

Women aren’t worth a shit and often gave advice that was unhelpful or counterproductive. They get into the field because of their own feels and agenda. If you knew the personal life story, and current life story of your female therapist you’d laugh on your way out of the room. They’re never the one who should be giving anyone advice. Some just have an axe to grind with men.

Only one of the male therapists I’ve ever met, seen, or heard of was unhelpful, because he let his dick get in the way of doing his job. The rest were all good to varying degrees. Don’t see a female therapist and furthermore don’t let anyone you care about see a female therapist unless you want them more fucked up.

Oh, and if you’re married and want a divorce, go see a female marriage counselor. Like clock work.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Whatever and whoever you see, make sure you 'want' to sort yourself out. Use the therapist to help you get 'under the surface'. Pretty much any of them will do, they have techniques to help uncover your bullshit (and it's always bullshit)

If you aren't making progress, and ARE putting in the work, then change therapist sooner rather than later. Months is way too long.

[–]punkrockfishboy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you live in Minnesota, just be aware that most therapists are beta. Sadly, the therapists I've seen have not been in anyway helpful for me. I still struggle with autism and feeling suicidal and angry thanks to my upbringing and being a loner in my late teens and early 20s. Now I don't have health insurance, so I can no longer afford to see a therapist, but it's just frustrating balancing money with mental health.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

deleted What is this?

[–]LeBroney 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“And if you have low T levels, you may be living with hormonal issues.”

― Low T

[–]MisterFrango 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Go for a psychoanalyst, best if he or she is lacanian (i am one). Most of psychology practices are full of BP bullshit. They are not prepared to deal with heavy stuff, so they usually sugar coat everything and tell what you want to hear. Also, lots of theories are mostly hippie mode (be happy, don't be violent and etc.).

[–]cherryCanSuckMyDick 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Also, lots of theories are mostly hippie mode (be happy, don't be violent and etc.).

BP world just doesnt understand that anger and violence are normal parts of life, just in controlled doses and used in the right situations

[–]newls 2 points3 points  (5 children)

I am considering psychotherapy. Can I ask what kind of work you did with Steve that helped your situation?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (4 children)

Might I first ask what your main issue(s) is, are?

[–]newls 5 points6 points  (3 children)

My main issue is shame - I often struggle to believe I deserve belonging/love.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children)

That's interesting - Steve actually mentioned exactly that issue: many people in need of therapy have underlying issues with feeling unworthy.

What is important to note is that these feelings and thoughts are coming from within your own mind. You may have had things happen to you as a child that helped magnify these feelings, but they're still coming from within you.

Here's something I'd like you to try:

Go somewhere quiet and dimly lit. Sit comfortably in a chair. Close your eyes, and imagine that you are standing in the middle of a giant room. Allow these negative feelings you describe to flow in, as they normally do with you.

Next, ask yourself - does it feel as if these thoughts or feelings are coming from a particular part or direction of the room? Are these feelings residing in the upper right corner? Lower left? Directly behind or in front of you?

If so, try and take your attention and focus on all of the other parts of the room. Walk over and look at these parts of the room. Take notice to see if your emotions or feelings change when you occupy these other spaces in the room.

If you notice positive change, you may find that you naturally feel like going back to the corner of the room that's "home" to you, along with the dark and negative feelings. This is understandable, as this is the "seat of the bus" that you always choose to sit in, and you've used it for years and years. Unfortunately, that seat has a broken window next to it, and cold wind and rain often comes in and soaks you, leaving you feeling sick.

We need to learn to choose new seats.

[–]newls 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Thanks for this. I'll try this out, I need to do some proper work on this problem of mine.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No problem, my brother. Let me know if it seems to help. I've discovered that I've been living in the "lower left corner" of my mind most of the time for most of my life. It is from that section that, while in social situations or engaged in an activity, my brain conjures up imagery of familiar faces, who watch me and criticize me, picking me apart and telling me I'm a failure.

[–]TonyZ554 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You were literally that female therapist’s beta bucks

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol, basically. She was a genuinely kind and caring person, but we just weren't making progress.

[–]mummersfarce_is_done 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So she blabbered about herself for fifteen minutes and you paid for it? Just... What? The. Fuck!

Are they even trying?

[–]IvanReilly 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When I had anger management problems my mum took me to many female therapists. None of them did anything for me. Eventually I had a male singing teacher who taught me that getting angry and punching someone or breaking something was dumb as fuck and I needed to started to control myself. Shame my mum didn't get a a male therapist in the first place.

[–]Zirealeredin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can apply this to a lot of fields. A few years ago I had a physical issue that required surgery. I visited my family doctor, a woman, who disregarded my concerns. I walked in to two more GP’s and just happened to see female doctors who likewise told me nothing was wrong.

Finally I made an appointment, purposefully asking for a male doctor. The moment he saw me he sent me to the hospital for assessment and I got surgery a few months later.

It was the same story though, female doctors essentially ask you what you think is the problem. A man just figures it out and tells you.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

To be fair, you're advising this before you've had real results from the current guy. His diagnosis could butkis the dog.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bluepilled men assume women think exactly or very similar to men.

Nothing could be farther from the truth.

What I've noticed since taking trp, is that women often focus on the content of a situations - the people, their words, behaviours, actions, aesthetics etc. While men focus on the structure of situations - the philosophy underlying the event, the contributing factors to the outcome or the.

Once I drew this conclusion, I noticed its almost ALWAYS the case. This is why women will always and must always, be led by men. Their concern is for the result, not the process which led to the result. Any alpha man will focus almost exclusively on the process and treat the result with minor significance.

For example, in the fall, men are busy planning and executing actions which will ensure the survival of their tribe through the winter. At the same time, women are sitting around, performing tasks assigned by men, while debating which men they're going to snuggle up with all winter.

[–]refunkulation 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is not 100% true and is way more situational and dependent on the female therapist.

I went to one few years back who was very tough on me, and made me realize a lot of problems I hadn't consciously explored about my mother. Just recognizing those problems was the extent it got me, realized it was expensive and not going much further with her, but recognizing those problems is progress all together.

As long as the therapist is tough on you, it doesn't matter if its man or woman. You need someone who will not coddle you through your problems, but will address them seriously.

[–]Demian- 1 points1 points [recovered]

If you want to get over social anxiety I suggest you do the following. Go to the local zoo and sit and watch the monkeys. Sit there as long as you can. It won't take many visits.

[–]LexaBinsr 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Can you explain why this helps?

[–]fromthecrypt8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OP, did you find any substantial relief from your SA with therapy this time?

[–]sparks_mandrill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol, great post. I totally second this. When I was in college, I had some super obese lady assigned as a therapist... She did not take well to my lady problems :D

[–]pookie513 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wrapped up trauma therapy in August. Brilliant therapist. I'd still have to lead most sessions as she'd run a mix if solving all my problems in one session, telling me instead of guiding me to the next insight, and subtle shit tests.

Going back in a few years, get a tune up. Next therapist is a male.

[–]meaningintragedy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a similar experience with two physiotherapists I visited for a small injury I had.

The female just tried random things without trying to understand my issue and of course talked a lot about life and other things during out sessions.
The male asked me questions about where it hurts, when, what athletic exercice provokes it, etc. He even looked up in some big encyclopedia about muscles and tendons. He suggested a treatment that has been working well at the moment.

To be fair I had another doc (not physio) who's a woman, and she was very accurate and decisive in her answers, suggestions, and even reminded me to make sure the meds I take aren't prohibited in competition drug tests. She was old and experienced tho.

[–]tsargorgi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Huge... I’ve been thinking about this myself. I had a female therapist for 2 years. Very attractive, and like others this got in the way of me being completely honest because I wanted to make myself attractive to her. I finally tell her about this and about my attraction, and it’s ok. She’s not bothered, and now I can be honest about when this is getting in the way of my conversation with her. I moved recently and started working with a male therapist. It’s almost as if the female therapist was more red pill than my current male therapist. She encouraged me to date around and hook up with people to get experience. The male therapist is a bit more hesitant - maybe a bit more blue pill.. he might be responding to the specific things I bring up from TRP, but I have the sense my female therapist would have been more receptive / open. A female therapist who understands gender / sexual dynamics and encourages you to adapt to female sexual strategy is huge. Hot therapists are A+.

[–]kenspiracy66 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agreed 110%. Been to various counsellors and psychologists (state ordered and privately) and the only one that achieved anything was the older male.

[–]zeno82 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When you say therapist, is this someone with a Doctorate, years of clinical experience, and good reputation?

My wife's a psychologist and sounds like a lot of you just had shit tier therapists. Like people that only got a Bachelors or Masters and never got extensive training or bother staying up to date with best evidence based practices...

[–]TheDevilsAdvokaat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would definitely rather have a male therapist.

[–]wild_deer_man 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Complete bullshit. Had experience with both sexes and a female therapist was much better and helped me being pro-active than the male.

Seems you either had a bad experience which you mixed up wrongly with RP ideas, or you just talk out of your ass.

[–]ranigma 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tbh I am concerned about this because as a very many ‘looking’ dude, I am convinced a male therapist would just ell me to man the fuck up in multivle different ways rather than help me.

[–]P4_Brotagonist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I could say depending on what you want, pick someone who you need more. I'm schizophrenic and I see two different therapists. One who is all action and helps me try to "normalize" myself so to speak. It's all action and essentially just tons of workshop type stuff and planning and it really helps me function.

However I also see a woman therapist and the entire point of seeing her is that I have a lot of fucked up thoughts and such I can't help. I can't bottle that shit up but I refuse to burden my friends and family with that insane stuff, so it honestly feels incredibly cathartic to get it all out every other week. I can't tell my dad that I've been struggling more with the thoughts that him and my stepmom are secretly setting me up to play a huge joke on me to ruin my life, but I gotta spew that shit out to someone.

Just know what your goal is going into it, and pick accordingly.

[–]1v1crown 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also make sure to choose a male doctor.

[–]Kevins_in_space 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Occasional lurker of this sub. 23y/o guy who is currently in therapy. I come here because I agree with a lot of the things discussed however I don't really size situations/people up as wether or not there are blue pill or red pill. I'm just a win at all costs but stand up for what you believe in kind of person which is probably why my values overlap here.

I'm commenting because before I went to therapy(mourning a close family members death, which I'll get into) I felt the exact same way. I have to talk to a dude so we can see eye to eye on shit. My therapist is great and I would highly recommend therapy depending on your issues and what you expect to get out of it. Yeah man, Just wanted to concur with your point and say I'm glad you're getting help from someone who's a good fit for you. I was lucky enough to find my doctor on the first try.

I would also like to add in the past I've been the type of person to think what the hell am I gonna to sit around and bitch for an hour for? I hate feeling sorry for myself, the idea of it. However, the aforementioned family member who I was very close with and in many ways a caretaker for took his life after a long battle with mental illness, something there is a history of in my family. So realizing I was genetically fucked in this area and adding the grief and existential dread of my encounter with death to my plate, a plate already filled with an insane workload as I chase my goals, I started therapy to get the help I needed. The goals I'm talking about, I have fought tooth and nail to put myself in the position to even begin to achieve after a looooooong period (5 years) of my life slowly falling apart as I tried to balance life with helping my suffering family member out of the darkness, something I'll never regret. But I lost everything, and I started building at a young age. Not to get too personal here lol boo-fuckin-hoo.

But I guess my point is if you make a sweeping generalization that therapy is too "blue pill" in our society than you most likely have a very narrow viewpoint of the world. There's certainly a time and place.

[–]Morphs_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I started therapy this year to deal with depression and social anxieties.

I got paired with a female psychologist. A young one, 24 y/o. Kinda cute looking. Meanwhile I'm a 36 y/o guy who wants to talk about shit like sexual performance anxiety. Atmosphere was awkward, it felt like I was the person who could teach her a thing or two about the world, not the other way around.

So I requested a male therapist at least my age and I was so happy with my male therapist. Things felt safe to discuss, no sexual tension, my therapist talks like a man because he is one. So I absolutely second the OP here.

[–]Gracynvh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like you just had a bad experience with a therapist. No need to generalize all female therapists because of it.

[–]metallicdrama 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Duh. Has your mother or woman ever given solid advisement?

[–]goldenhourlivin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've only had one female therapist and one male therapist, but I can say my experience was almost identical to yours, OP.

The female therapist tried the EMDR thing with me, but I didn't see any benefit from that. In reality, most people see psychologists when they feel sad/anxious/angry and they don't know why, so waving your hand in the air for 3 minutes probably isn't a valid solution there. It honestly felt like she didn't have anything better to go off of so she just went with something easy. Each session (5-7 total sessions) began with her asking me what I wanted to talk about, which like OP said isn't a good starting point.

The male psychologist got started almost immediately by basically explaining the concept of frame as it's known here on TRP. From there I got into meditation, found Jordan Peterson, and now I'm here.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Hmm yes, interesting scientific thesis. What a massive sample size! Two! You certainly need no more data than that.

[–]SirKnightRyan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don’t go to a therapist, go to a psychiatrist. Those are serious medical conditions, you need a doctor, not someone to talk to.

[–]TheNextMilo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

IMO its because a) Males understand other males well b) Males are more task-oriented

[–]domable19 -1 points0 points  (2 children)

I will not pay someone to listen to my problems.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good - you shouldn't. You should pay people who formulate expert solutions to your problems.

[–]juliusstreicher 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ditto! Why should I amuse them at my expense??? You don't see Bill Burr paying people to come hear him!

[–]fastnail -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Lesson - Women are not equal to men.

[–]Don_Himself -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

lol @ ever going to a therapist for anything in this day in age. most, even male therapist, are politically correct cucks.

[–]berlengas -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Sounds like you have vaginophobia and you are affraid to talk about your issues with a female therapist

[–]Scorpiobaby77 -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

This is just patently false. Gender has zero to do with ability or empathy. Sounds like you have just gone to bad therapists. Ive been to several of both genders and females far and away are better than the males ive seen.