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Red Pill TheoryYOUR FEAR IS IRRATIONAL. The world we live in has a great affect on how we act and what we think. Here is why you're afraid to open randoms. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by gatsmd

Someone posted this in askTRP. It made me stop what I was doing and write this post. If this were asked in person, I would stand up and all but start screaming and yelling this explanation so that I could do everything to sink this into the heads of you fuckers who think this way.

Problem with me is approaching is terrifying due to other people watching, the girl having friends around her and lastly what she thinks/getting rejected. I dont care about the rejection as much since I learned thats just the way it goes for everyone... (most guys get rejected like 80% of the time with a typical "sorry i have a boyfriend excuse etc.) But i cant get past the stress of other people watching and her friends being around or showing up while im talking to the girl im approaching... how do i go about dealing with this? would taking xanax or drinking help? and wheres the best place for me to approach?

Holy fucking shit. No. No. No. No. No.

Then, this is where I would probably start passionately screaming my explanation.

Do NOT ever take drugs to numb yourself. Why? What happens is you never actually break any ground. That drug masked the same feeling you're working to overcome. It actually did nothing other than mask it. That's not fixing the core issue, is it?

The core fucking issue is simple; IRRATIONAL FEAR. Irrational fear is a mother fucker. For the purpose of this discussion, I am calling it irrational because nothing bad is going to actually happen to you from approaching a random chick... yet, you have this fear of impending doom which consumes your mind like a fucking virus. It takes over, and leads you to start asking whether you should abuse drugs or not. Fuck. Think on that for a second. Think about what you just asked. And I write this because I know half or more than half the people here experienced this exact same thing.

Now, some may call it rational because they believe it stems from some evolutionary features which caused us to feel fight or flight in order to fight off other males looking to take on the same vagina we are. Well, I DON'T REALLY GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR EVOLUTION.

WHY? Because you don't need to fight anyone in 2017 (or, let's say the case is so rare that you would pretty much have to bring it on yourself). She says she has a boyfriend? No problem at all, smile and tell her, "I get you, he is one of those sexist pigs who doesn't allow you to talk to guys. Have a good day." Done deal. Use their own dog shit on them and walk the fuck out.

That is the worst case scenario. Or, maybe her boyfriend is there and you view that as the worst case... So? Say, "My bad bro, she's dope. Have a good one." And keep it fucking moving. Done. End of story, goodbye.

So fuck your evolution in it's ass. It's bullshit when talking about this, and does not pertain to this situation. The only thing here is your irrational fear. And what do you do with irrational fear? You don't give it the slightest ability to infect you and take over. Fuck that noise. You go show yourself how irrational it is and do the exact thing you have ZERO FUCKING reason to be afraid of.

I mean come on! You think people will remember this? You think people really give that much of fuck about you, or that you embarrassed yourself for 5 seconds in the case you do? Be serious. Turn the tables and watch from the other side, do you really give a fuck if someone else did that in front of you? No, you'd tell yourself it was like watching a car accident, but simultaneously forget about it and move on with your day. WHO EVEN GIVES A FUCK?

Who the fuck cares? YOU! That is about it, you, and not a single other person.

YOU CAN SIT ON THE SIDELINES FOR THE REST OF YOUR FUCKING LIFE... TALKING ABOUT HOW SCARED YOU ARE, OR HOW WORRIED. OR, YOU CAN PUT ON YOUR BIG BOY PANTS AND MAN THE FUCK UP AND STOP ACTING LIKE A SCARED PUSSY.

YOUR FEAR IS IRRATIONAL. IT'S NOT REAL. NOT EVEN A LITTLE. Now you just need to show yourself that is true. As you were.


[–]Bigjohnthug 170 points171 points  (16 children)

Approach anxiety is conquered through progressive desensitisation- IE you do it until you're comfortable doing it. Before you're willing to go through that grinder though, you have to find a way to reframe your 'fear' and make it manageable.

This post resonates because approach anxiety is an irrational fear in todays society. The one reframe I've taken to heart more than any other though is "What I'm feeling isn't nervousness, it's sexual tension and she's feeling it too." This is because it flat out is true. Sexual tension and nerves both feel like 'butterflies in the stomach'. The girl will be more nervous than you will be and feel sexual tension more acutely.

Anyway, find what works for you to reframe your fears. The sensation won't go away so you have to change your perception of it somehow. Anxiety is a gift which keeps things interesting.

[–]1SirKolbath 90 points91 points  (0 children)

This.

Look, the idea of rejection inoculation isn't mine. I literally took it from Cesar Melan, the Dog Whisperer. And I know there were others here recommending it long before I showed up.

When a dog has an irrational fear of something, you flood them. You (gently, they're animals. Don't break their trust by being abusive) make them face it over and over. If a dog is food aggressive, which usually comes from a lifetime on the streets being hungry, you feed other dogs around them, feed them, give them treats, and make them used to the idea that there is enough food for them, too.

It's the same concept. Flood yourself. Get rejected over and over. Try to get the most savage and brutal rejection possible short of being arrested, shot, pepper sprayed, or tazed. At the end of it, take a moment to reflect on the fact that the stars are still burning and the sun is still shining and the earth is still spinning.

Rejection is a part of life.

[–]1swaglordobama 14 points15 points  (4 children)

This and giving yourself FOMO. Rejection isn't even rejection. You're not meant to get along with every girl. Even if you talk to 100 girls before you connect with one, it's better than ending up with nothing because you talked to 0 girls.

Rejections aren't even your fault, provided you have done work on your end. This means having a loud voice, friendly body language, being at the cause, not the effect, and having proper hygiene. If those parameters are met, the girl is saying no for reasons that have nothing to do with you. Could be a bad day, she is very shy and socially awkward, it is a bad time for her, etc. Don't take it personally.

[–]greenlittleman 4 points5 points  (3 children)

If thinking rationally, then she don't really reject you, because she don't know you. She don't reject you, she just don't try to know you better. Cute girls mostly don't seek "just sex", most of them can get it in any amount they want and to choose a person for relationship you need to know them better. So "rejection" on stage of approach is just her decision not to use her "valuable" time to "test" you for relationships. This have nothing to do with you and even if you make terrible approach her "rejection" is always wrong decision because in your place can be millionaire celebrity, and she will never know this.

Just too bad, but it have nothing to do with struggles people met when approaching girls - this is more complicated matter.

[–]1swaglordobama 1 point2 points  (2 children)

That's dismissive and takes responsibility off of the man. Yes, it's true, rejection from cold approach and club game is akin to reading a page out of a book and making a snap judgment that you don't like it, but as guys we decide what content is presented on that page.

If you are walking up with foggy intent, poor voice tone and volume, and creepy body language, you are setting yourself up for a blowout.

Also some girls respond better to direct approaches, others respond better to indirect. With some you can start indirect then switch to direct. It comes down to calibration. If you are getting blown out, you are not calibrating properly.

[–]greenlittleman 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Some girls will react well even if you approach them "with foggy intent, poor voice tone and volume, and creepy body language". Of course your first impression matters and your actions matters. This is a difference between good salesperson and bad one. If bad one get rejected because of his poor ability it doesn't mean his product is bad, lol. But even best salesperson with best product would be rejected by a lot of people, no matter how good his approach. No matter how good your product - not all people need it, not all people want to take their time to know about it more, not all people are open minded enough to give you a minute of their time.

[–]1swaglordobama 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Game is sales; don't be a shitty salesman.

[–]2Archterus 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Correct. You construct a hierarchy of things that trigger you. Lets say ranked from 1 to 10, 1 being the absolute worst, for example cold approach a HB10 with her own retinue of orbiters/girlfrinds etc. 10 might be approach a HB 6 who is by herself and you have picked up on some IOI's but with no intention other than to start a conversation. You start exposure to 10 repeatedly until you can do it, then move onto the next and so on. Which is exactly why benzodiazepines such as alprazolam should be avoided. They ameliorate the anxiety response thus subvert what are trying to achieve. So my professional advice to people in this boat is where possible avoid the drugs.

[–]greenlittleman 4 points5 points  (8 children)

"YOUR FEAR IS IRRATIONAL. IT'S NOT REAL. NOT EVEN A LITTLE."

MM, not really. Fear is physical reaction of your body, it absolutely real and you can't control it with just thoughts, as you can't completely control most of your other feelings, because they physically exist on biological level. But you can fight with reasons for this reactions.

"Anyway, find what works for you to reframe your fears. The sensation won't go away so you have to change your perception of it somehow. Anxiety is a gift which keeps things interesting."

I'm both agree and disagree with you. You feel fear because your brain have fake self-esteem of you as a cool guy, if you accept yourself as ordinary guy (and women often reject ordinary guys) and not some kind of alpha, if you will accept that the guy can be great even without a girl, what a guy who don't get laid is not a loser - then this fear mostly goes away. But on the other hand people struggle with approaching girls not because of fear, on contrary if you have this anxiety it meant you have high motivation to approach. Most hard thing goes when you already get rid of AA, because your brain still don't want to approach girls (before it wanted to prove itself that you are cool guy who popular with girls, now this motivation is gone) even without fear and you can't reframe your apathy. So it better to leave approach anxiety be, because without it you'll lose most of your motivation. Unless you know how to go through approach apathy as well - then you can make your approaches really easy. But this is hard thing and I've never read about it in free sources.

[–]Bigjohnthug 0 points1 point  (7 children)

I've written about approach apathy a few times, for free. I've never seen other coverage of it, who has paid content about it?

I agree with you that anxiety>apathy, but I'd posit apathy is easier to work with. By the time you've reached that stage you know you can get girls so what you must do instead is remember why you want them. Where a begin might get psyched up to go out, the apathetic aficionado will spend time reminding himself why he loves women. Personally I just try to keep my room smelling like girl because that's enough.

I strongly disagree that you should want to approach to prove you're a cool guy who gets girls. That's the mindset that will strengthen anxiety (external and validation focused) as well as lead to apathy more easily. You want to be internally focused- IE set the bar to a level you could accomplish without the girl, like "talk to strangers." You also want to focus on tangibles over validation. IE getting laid. Otherwise you might end up yet another double-digit mPUA who thinks smiles are as satisfying as sex.

[–]greenlittleman 1 point2 points  (6 children)

No matter what you think, inside your brain you still approach girls to prove your status, of course rationally you can think whatever you wish, this is just how it works subconsciously - this is not mindset, this is inner brain mechanic - amount of girls who are ready to sleep with you definite your social status as a "guy who attractive" - this is much more important than sex, or interesting talk, or whatever. If you don't use girls to prove your social status to yourself, then you just wouldn't have enough motivation - you don't really need talk to strangers, this is not interesting for most people. It is hard to do something you don't really want subconsciously. When you become "not needy" guy, who don't want to prove his status - then you wouldn't see why you even need PUA, because objectively masturbation can feels better than most girls and talk with your male friends could be much more informative and interesting. The key is to find a balance between neediness and not being needy - that is hard. So for most guys is much faster to get laid while being needy and become not needy from abundance of the girls, not from your inner conceptions. You have a little misconception of that I'm talking about "By the time you've reached that stage you know you can get girls so what you must do instead is remember why you want them." this is not really necessary, if he understand inner mechanics, then even a virgin can get rid of anxiety and go to apathy stage. This is one of most hard cases.

[–]Bigjohnthug 0 points1 point  (5 children)

Your theories seem good but I'm not sure how much experience you have with them in the real world.

approach only to prove status

Much better ways to prove status.

masturbation can feel better than sex

Would have to be some pretty awful sex.

Put those two together, alternative motivation of approaching to enjoy sex.

talk with male friends more interesting

Different way. Not as emotionally engaging, not as spontaneous. Man talk is more logical and structured. Intellectually interesting moreso maybe, but I crave both in equal measure.

even a virgin can rid himself of AA

Theoretically yes, won't make him good with girls or fix the root cause of his unhappiness though. I'd relate it to depersonalisation. Emotions aren't meant to be ignored.

No offence, you seem intelligent and are adding to this discussion, I think you need to go out more though. You don't seem like you've actually experienced these things.

[–]greenlittleman 0 points1 point  (4 children)

These are not my theories, this is results of me talking about this with a guy who have had degree in cognitive neuroscience.

Also here I talk from my experience, when I started PUA I was afraid as fuck, physiologically, but still can approach. And later I've read a lot about inner game and by understanding inner mechanics get rid of my neediness, I'm no longer have had any negative emotions while approaching or interacting. But then I lost my motivation and done almost nothing for 3 years, I just didn't feel a need in that. It take me a lot of time to start approaching again.

"Would have to be some pretty awful sex.

Put those two together, alternative motivation of approaching to enjoy sex."

Most people don't know how to masturbate or have sex properly. If you know both, then a difference not so big to motivate you to take enough actions. People who just want sex by itself buying prostitutes. But you can't enjoy your status approval with them. Only with real girls, if this is a girl who is high value in your head, then you'll enjoy simple kiss with her much more than sex with professional whore.

[–]Bigjohnthug 0 points1 point  (3 children)

To clarify, your results are going from too scared to approach, to lots of approaches, to never approaching? They're not results man. That's like me giving lifting advice because I went to the gym religiously for a year, got lazy and stopped going.

I think you're missing out on what makes sex better than masturbating. Even the validation, which is a component of it, isn't primarily based upon your social value. Not to mention the need for intimacy, physical trust, bonding etc. Not to mention the fact that no matter how 'good' you are at jerkin' the gherkin; pussy unequivocally feels better.

By experience I don't mean go out and talk to more intellectuals dude. I mean go get laid and report back after.

[–]greenlittleman 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Am, no, I've started approaching and get results again after I get consultation of other person. For now I can't teach others, but I know from my own experience and from talking with other guys that is don't work.

Need of intimacy, physical trust and bonding is same things which are directly connected to social value. You need all of this because this determine your value inside of society and for your brain you social value is necessity to not die and reproduce your genes.

Things I'm talking about are based on cognitive neuroscience and evolutionary biology, it doesn't matter who talking about scientific facts. If some guy who doesn't have any muscles, but has a lot of knowledge about biological process of getting big muscles in the gym, then he could be much more qualified to teach others about it than experienced muscular guy who never tried to teach others and don't know a thing about science behind it. Though in my case guy I taken consultation from have had more than 300 girls in few years. But of course most likely I don't understand this topic good enough to teach someone. I just know what doesn't work for sure.

[–]Bigjohnthug 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I just know what doesn't work for sure.

If you're saying "Learning why you want girls to get through the apathy and continue a vigorous sex life won't work" then you're patently wrong. I've done that myself and have both quality and quantity to show for it. IE sex with lots of hot girls, not approaches where a girl smiled or some shit.

If you're defining social value as "intimacy, physical trust and bonding" then you're being both imprecise and inaccurate. Imprecise in that you've made the term so diluted as to be unqualifiable, thus making debate pointless because now social value is "everything I need it to be so that I'm right." Inaccurate in that your inclusion of those into the definition would contradict the broadly accepted definition of the term. I'd say a more accurate meaning (which is also precise) would be "(social value is) the extent to which a persons actions, feelings and opinions are validated by others."

are based on cognitive neuroscience and evolutionary biology

This doesn't mean anything without citations. I could say my approach is based on endocrinology, physiology and psychology (my honours, major and minor resp.) but it wouldn't mean shit. Having formally studied it doesn't make my opinion valid. What would is if I was to provide citations and have real-world experience with it.

evolutionary biology, it doesn't matter who talking about scientific facts.

I'm not sure if you've ever studied evolutionary biology formally because it's on the borderline of being a social science. It's more postulating than actual evidence. Claiming evolutionary theory invalidates biological fact is no different to claiming biology invalidates physics- IE the fatties who don't believe in thermodynamics.

doesn't have any muscles, but has a lot of knowledge about biological process of getting big muscles in the gym, then he could be much more qualified to teach others about it than experienced muscular guy who never tried to teach others and don't know a thing about science behind it.

Here you have two men: One who knows why this should work and the other who knows what will work. Best to listen to both and try both, because who knows what will work for you.

[–]greenlittleman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think there is difference in definitions between us. In my interpretation "social value" is how your brain understand hierarchy - who is higher, who is lower and it almost have nothing to do with a validation by others.

There is a lot of things I can write, but I think my English is not good enough to completely explain my position from scientific point of view, sorry.

"Here you have two men: One who knows why this should work and the other who knows what will work. Best to listen to both and try both, because who knows what will work for you."

If guy really know how it works on biological level, then he can know beforehand what will work for different people. And one who just reached results for himself will know what worked for him and will work for people who are similar to him. Professionals who train Olympic athletes not necessary have even half of their ability, you know. Behind top athletes almost always hidden top expert in biology and they can be thin and weak.

[–]Rollo_Mayhem3 60 points61 points  (2 children)

My initial response is that you have to approach women with no intentions but to talk to them to enjoy the conversation. Once you start thinking damn she's hot or I want to fuck her (or fo betas, i hope she likes me)...you've added a new layer or motive to the conversation. You are now seeking something from her. This will influence your behavior because now your approach has an outcome that is beyond normal daily interaction.

Most women are not going to have sex with a stranger after 30 minutes of convo and most men understand this..so you've set yourself up for rejection before you even approached. That's irrational to begin with. Your fear is of the obvious and likely response she is going to give you...which is no, get away, walk away, or call her male friend over... and you'll have to deal with the social spectacle of being a guy who is publicly being rejected.

Getting a girl to go home with you is like slowly cooking meat over a fire (rotisserie). There is progression a calibration that you master. If you are uncomfortable, you'll burn it or under cook it. But that's another post.

The takeaway, talk to girls without the intent of getting them to like you or to sleep with them. Generally girls already know that...that's why people say just be yourself..what they are really saying is be normal most people are NOT immediately seeking approval or to have sex...

[–]spawnend 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Make the other post for people that still "undercook it or burn it" please .

Very interested in that.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please make that post! Definitely interested

[–]JYandeau 17 points18 points  (2 children)

Good post, this is 100% true & I can’t fucking stand when my friends use this excuse. People only care about themselves, if you get rejected infront of them, they really don’t give a flying fuck. If you saw someone on the bus get rejected, do you think you’re going to think about that moment the next day? Of course not, because it doesn’t effect you or your life. If anything I would give the guy props for atleast having the balls to try...

[–]BreakingRed_ 2 points3 points  (1 child)

A buddy of mine would go the extra mile "she's too hot, therefore she has a boyfriend" (???), "I'm too ugly for her" (perhaps true but then she won't tell you something new if you talk to her so what the fuck scares you?).

[–]JYandeau 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s extremely sad, the fact that he doesn’t believe he’s good enough for her before even talking to her really shows how insecure he really is. Maybe you should get him to look into TRP, chances are it will change his life.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (4 children)

I used to have severe approach anxiety. It turned more mild this year. A couple weeks ago I went out of the country and figured fuck it, no one here knows me and I'll never see them again. I was chatting everyone up, gaming girls in front of their moms and made new friends with some guys who live near my area who I'll be hanging out with. I kino'd a single mom in front of her friends before they dragged her off to get her kid.

I had no outcome dependence because it was a family vacation and most of the girls were with family. It really is a game of giving the least fucks. I no longer care about approaching because I no longer care if it ends in getting laid. Just go out and have fun.

[–]42-AX 4 points5 points  (3 children)

A lot of women in my area are out and about with their moms. Not always sure if they're of age.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

It's not illegal to talk just go chat them up and ask.

[–]Raikkonen716 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Actually it's not irrational at all. Fear comes from a sentiment of unworthiness. In the savanna, smaller male elephants have no right to approach female elephants. If they try, the big alpha elephant may even kill them. They're teached that they are unworthy and should be ashamed of even trying to approach females. They're teached fear.

We humans have a somehow similar mechanism. Some actions are ok if you're alpha, they become not ok if you're beta. And a lot of people have been taught to be beta from nursery. The man is taught of having fear of god, of parents, of institutions, of scandal. Our sociery is based on fear. Fear is actually rational, because it is a mechanism of self preservation.

So what should be response to it? The op is completely right in saying that one shouldn't care less.

We're not in the jungle, nobody is gonna kill you, most of people won't even care you're doing it, someone will be admired by your approach, someone will be laughing at you (usually other betas). Perceived impact? High, because you've been taught of having fear all your life. Real impact? usually kinda low.

You must unlearn what you have learned

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 8 points9 points  (0 children)

She says she has a boyfriend? No problem at all, smile and tell her, "I get you, he is one of those sexist pigs who doesn't allow you to talk to guys. Have a good day." D

Let me give you a great tip for dealing with rejection:

Continue The Conversation.

No snappy lines, no anti-rejection ego-proofing it. Make it a non-event.

People dislike rejecting others. It sucks. You feel their discomfort and if you're female you fear repercussions. Rational or not, women dislike and avoid conflict.

Taking rejection well makes you look awesome. I'm not saying she'll always reconsider.... but sometimes she will, and it makes you more comfortable.

Works with guys too. "Hey, wanna grab a beer?" / "I can't, I've got to do work and then get home to my fat wife" / "Ok.... oh by the way, did you hear about Jim in sales?"

Or with girls: "Hey, here's a crazy idea, let's go get a drink and get wildly drunk and misbehave" / "I can't I have a boyfriend" / "Ah ok I understand.... oh look over there, that looks like that bird is having an epileptic fit". (Notice there is no attack nor ego defence. It's treated like the non-event that it is).

You can plan out what you're going to say next before you ask/suggest. Point is that rather than walking away with your tail between your legs feeling like a rejected social outcast..... you choose to ignore it and carry on.

This makes things easier on you for next time.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Treat it like sales.

You should be compelled to speak to people, whether that's a girl you want, a professional connection you want, or a customer you want.

Why? Because you should believe that you're a good deal! You need to believe that people will benefit from interacting with you.

If you believe in the sexual market place AND you're participating in it, that implies that you think you are competitive in said market place.

[–]cashmoney_x 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You're basically a cheerleader. Get everyone riled up but change nothing.

[–]42-AX 8 points9 points  (1 child)

I remember another TRP post that simply recommends "turning off your mind" and going for it. Shit works wonders for the recovering BP.

[–]refusewool 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Shit works wonders for every single human being. It’s called meditation.

[–]harloss 1 points1 points [recovered]

Interesting how you say that a girl saying she has a boyfriend is "dog shit" when that does seem like the level-headed, reasonable and "loyal" response to being approached by another man.

[–]Aaronindhouse 6 points7 points  (2 children)

The thing is, most girls that go to this response just want to get rid of you. There’s maybe a 50/50 chance they actually have one.

[–]Torabor64 5 points6 points  (0 children)

So what? Is it a problem that she politely rejects you? I've never understood what's the big deal with whether she says the truth or she doesn't. Just move on.

[–]RPBetaphag 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not sure about the 50/50 chance. It may be right for an average girl, but the +7s seem always taken. And the ones I like the most are either engaged or married.

[–]timdo190 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Nah. It just means she's lazy and content. But that also means she will have to repent and you shouldn't give a shit

[–]Godspeed311 2 points3 points  (1 child)

We can't complain about the depravity of women, while backstabbing fellow men.

[–]formulaNoFap 2 points3 points  (3 children)

But why do we feel this fear if it is irrational?

[–]2virusofthemind 4 points5 points  (0 children)

But why do we feel this fear if it is irrational?

Most of neural human evolution in a social context occurred in prehistory in a timescale involving 10's of thousands of years.

Living in small tribes of up to 150 individuals, everyone knew each other and being seen to be rejected by a prospective mate dropped your value amongst the other women in the tribe and thus decreased your chances of reproductive success and your gene line being weeded out.

Plus....approaching the wrong woman who happened to be a mate or prospective target of one of the alpha males in the tribe could end up with your gene line being exterminated there and then.

Individuals who were more cautious (because of of fear) tended to miss these evolutionary car crashes.

Approach anxiety is your genes' way of protecting themselves.

[–]PB0034 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Egos too big. Makes excuses.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same reason we feel a lot of irrational things - because we're not rational. We have a genetic heritage. We have fears that are not well founded.

Men grow out of being boys. We grow from being the smallest and the weakest as babies into big strong men. At some point we have to go from "too small and weak" to "big and bold". Our fears keep us in the first category. Society keeps us in the first category. Eventually you realise you can handle shit and you overcome these fears that are designed to protect us when we're small.

[–]Magix28 2 points3 points  (3 children)

When she says she has a boyfriend: Ask her how long they are together or how his name is. If she stumbles you know she lied and can make fun of her. That may turn the set around since you passed hershit test. If it is true, wish her luck and leave.

[–]Torabor64 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Or better yet, realize you have been rejected and move the fuck on.

[–]greenlittleman 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Actually first 10 second is not rejection, in most cases she just afraid and uncomfortable with random guy approaching her. Imagine some guy who few times stronger than you just approached you randomly while wanting something from you. Or imagine group of girls approaching some socially awkward virgin guy with no experience with the girls - often he will "reject" them, lol.

[–]Torabor64 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree, sometimes it is just a shit test. I don't usually do night game where I assume it is more usual to see it when opening.

[–]lloydj20 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She says she has a boyfriend? No problem at all, smile and tell her, "I get you, he is one of those sexist pigs who doesn't allow you to talk to guys. Have a good day." or

Girl: I have a boyfriend You: I have a vast collection of DVD's Girl: What...Huh...What does that have to do with anything. etc.. You: I thought we were talking about things that didn't matter.

OR

Girl: I have a boyfriend You: That's alright, i'm not a jealous guy

Chance are, you'll get a laugh and you're irrational fear will disappear because of the good reactions you receive, even if you do get rejected, it will make it fun.

[–]Sumo94 1 point2 points  (4 children)

I know this is on another level, but can the same thing be said about social anxiety?

[–]Aaronindhouse 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Yes. Social Anxiety comes from not being comfortable around people you don’t know. Easiest way to get comfortable is talk to people. When you become comfortable making conversation with anyone, social anxiety just kinda falls away.

[–]PunkYetii 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I always thought I had social anxiety because I struggled with conversations with people I didn't really know. But, after doing some reflection, I honestly believe it's just because I don't enjoy it. I see no reason to invest my time and limited memory on people that mean nothing to me.

It stressed me out for so long thinking I was fucked up, because I couldn't keep a conversation going. But there was no excitement in it, it's boring. Just talking to someone does not fit my idea of masculinity.

But then, going out and actually doing something I made friends everywhere. But sit me down in a coffee shop 1 on 1 we're not going to have fun.

And tbh, the only area it really affects me, would be if my goal was to pick up strange pussy at the mall.

I dunno, maybe that's just my way of hamstering away from the fact I'm fucked. But it doesn't seem to bother me anymore.

[–]Sumo94 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same bro, same! The bad thing about is I get social anxiety when i dont meet the new people at work. So I have to constantly talk to everyone just to keep the SA at bay

[–]Goatse-s_Ring 1 point2 points  (1 child)

because nothing bad is going to actually happen to you from approaching a random chick

In fairness, in some communities/locations something bad (and by this I mean violent reprisals from male friends/relatives) really can happen.

[–]Throwawaysteve123456 1 point2 points  (1 child)

That sense of impending doom is not unique to you; we ALL have it at birth, because it was built into our brains via evolution. Going up to an unfamiliar women and trying to procreate with her, in the hunter gather times, could often lead to death if done wrong. People without that gene obviously were killed off, since there's some evo advantage to being cautious with it.

[–]timdo190 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Enjoy the fruits of civilization my man

[–]replepok 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Or maybe it's because we have fucking instincts and encountering new things is SUPPOSED as in INGRAINED in us to be spooky.

Damn kids get off the pill for a change you're going nuts...

[–]greenlittleman 0 points1 point  (3 children)

So called instincts is simplification for noobs, in real biology instincts doesn't even exist, that is exist is a lot of independent processes in your organism.

[–]empty_moshpit 1 points1 points [recovered]

Whether you can cold approach or not is not just limited by your emotions or instincts. It also depends on the local culture and country where you play the cold approach game.

Be honest, would you cold approach local women in Yemen or Saudi Arabia? I seriously doubt it because you could get not only beaten but killed.

Cold approach is not an entirely problem-free approach. It works great in liberal western countries where women are treated as free individuals. Not such a great idea in many other countries though, the more conservative or religious, the worse this idea becomes.

[–]Goatse-s_Ring 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just to expand on this, there are a ton of neighborhoods in liberal western countries where it's also a really bad idea.

[–]greenlittleman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm myself living in Russia, can't call my country liberal and western, lol. If someone living in Islamic country and have enough ability to read in english and learn about PU, then he need to run away from there, for many reasons. And I think in such countries you can't play the game at all, you don't really need it though. Because your parents will find a decent wife for you even if you do nothing at all and if they are rich and you a lucky, then more than one wife. Seduction community is not about getting laid in third world countries where finding someone to fuck is latest thing people think, because most of guys already have kids at 18-20 years in African and some Islamic countries. When you are married at 16, then you don't even think about PU and seduction, lol.

[–]Wolveryn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would say fight or flight is a factor but a more important one stems back to most of our historical existence to need to be a part of a tribe in order to survive. To step out of line could mean being shunned, kicked out of the social group/circle/tribe or even death.

So yes it is irrational, but it has actually only been that way for maybe 2-3 generations really out of all of our entire existence...

So it’s natural that you have to rewire your brain unless you’re very good looking and/or alpha male

[–]Thephilhouse 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Disagree with your assertion that drinking doesn't help you learn to approach. I approach through night game, and had to pretty drunk in order to do it at first.

Then, after doing multiple times drunk, I had a frame of reference and was able to do it after less and less drinks.

I am now at the point where I can and have gone to bars on my own with zero alcohol and approached girls. I couldn't have done this without having used alcohol to (as you rightly say) mask my instinctive fear at first and learn first hand how irrational it is.

I don't do day game, but I'm sure the same principle would apply.

[–]HerefortheTuna 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Drinking helps until it hurts you...in the end you are better off staying mostly sober...cheaper and if you do take her home the sex will be better

[–]Thephilhouse 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm saying it can help you learn, obviously better in every way to do it without if you can

[–]greenlittleman 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Daygame approaching is about ten times harder. Clubs and bars are places where you supposed to approach girls, moreover you can approach to prove your friend you are cool, so this is very easy level.

[–]Thephilhouse 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, but the same principle applies

[–]PossibleNurse91 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This post resonated so well with me. I have noticed that when people conquer approach they conquer so many areas in their lives because rejection becomes a after thought. So business is smooth, School, daily tasks etc.

[–]LuvBeer 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I stopped street approaching simply because in my market it has terrible returns. I get phone numbers about 25% of the time street approaching but they very rarely convert to fucks. I know what you're thinking: "you're an ugly loser, that's not the fault of street approaching!" Maybe. But fact is that tinder matches that agree to meet up convert to fucks ~1/3 of the time while even getting street "matches" to meet up requires much more effort and they rarely if ever convert. Each market is different.

[–]Balagoon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Teach Hard Brotha, Teach Hard......

[–]odinmeister 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really needed to read this right now. Thank you. Tho overcoming this fear is easier said than done.

[–]triviumfan4ever93 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What if you're actually just horny and don't intend to get to know her as a person, isn't that a legitimate reason to be scared? Lol

[–]AnjaJutta -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I am a grammar nazi. The noun is effect and the verb is affect.

[–]Owl_27 1 points1 points [recovered]

You are all dumbfucks. Jesus christ you guys are so sad it's soul crushing.

[–]ChadThundercockII 6 points7 points  (0 children)

thnks bruh. that means a lot to us.

[–]Godspeed311 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

She says she has a boyfriend? No problem at all, smile and tell her, "I get you, he is one of those sexist pigs who doesn't allow you to talk to guys. Have a good day." Done deal. Use their own dog shit on them and walk the fuck out. That is the worst case scenario. Or, maybe her boyfriend is there and you view that as the worst case... So? Say, "My bad bro, she's dope. Have a good one." And keep it fucking moving. Done. End of story, goodbye.

If I am that girl's boyfriend, your fear is not irrational.

[–]RPBetaphag -1 points0 points  (1 child)

"I get you, he is one of those sexist pigs who doesn't allow you to talk to guys. Have a good day."

I thought the TRP mindset discourages your gf from talking to other guys. You might be a 7 but if she meets an 8 on a train there's a chance she'll branch swing like the hypergamous whore she is. If you controlled her behavior she wouldn't have talked to that 8.

On another note, the point of the thread seems akin to saying "just cheer up" to depressed people. Easier said than done.