Blue Pill ExampleLearn To Respect Yourself (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by ThrowTheTRP

There's a guy I know.

Lets call him Nick, he's your typical beta, bad posture, horrible confidence and a non existant frame. He had met a girl during the summer who lived across the country from him, about an 8 hour journey and essentially got oneitis for her.

It then led to him travelling there multiple times and spending more than 500 pounds on her, as you may predict, she didn't reciprocate nor did she even care to read his messages. He opened up to me about it and I gave him general but true advice, essentially that he needs to move on.

That was one year ago.

During this year I find that he is considering to defer from our course, curious to find out why, I do ask and to all my belief I find out that he is still in contact with the same girl and because they had an argument he's throwing his goals away.

He had the belief that his issue was that girls didn't like gentlemen anymore. The absolute inability to recognize his biggest flaw stunned me.

He didn't care about himself.

He didn't respect himself.

and that essentially means that he didn't love himself.

For myself, I believe that one key way to progress in any area of your life whether it be girls, goals, you name it. Is to respect and love yourself. It may sound like geniune common sense but people don't practice what they preach.

A man who loves himself doesn't need validation from others, isn't afraid to pursue what he wants and is always striving to improve his quality of life by all means.

A man who respects himself doesn't keep company with people who treat him like dirt, he doesn't sit by idly while people piss all over his standards and most importantly, doesn't put a woman over his dreams and career prospects whether she likes him or not.

Ask yourself, What standards do you have for the company you keep?

Are the people you're investing in giving you the same back?

Whenever there are exceptions to these questions, you have oneitis.

TL;DR: Learn to Respect and Love yourself, I believe that is the most important thing I've learnt here and I wish it was the first.

[–]1SirKolbath 221 points222 points  (13 children)

This is very important, and it applies to a lot more than just dating.

Think about your job for a moment. Do you enjoy it? Are you paid decently for the work you do? If the answer to both of those questions is not yes, then why are you doing it?

You are the prize. I recently took a promotion at work that tripled my stress for a paltry and insignificant raise in pay. Last week, after yet another argument with corporate, I decided that enough is enough. I have three interviews scheduled for my day off this week. I don't know how those interviews are going to go, but I'm fairly certain that I'll be offered at least one job that will be better than this one between now and my D-Day of December 30th.

I am the prize. Abundance mentality is more than just women. You need to apply that philosophy to every single aspect of your life. Walk away from bad situations and walk into better ones. Nobody owes you anything. The flip side of that coin is that you don't owe anyone anything, either.

[–]ShriekinDreamer 32 points33 points  (5 children)

Good luck with your interviews - I'd be interested to see what happens and if your opinion changes depending on the outcome. Do report back.

[–]1SirKolbath 21 points22 points  (4 children)

Good luck with your interviews

Thank you.

I'd be interested to see what happens and if your opinion changes depending on the outcome. Do report back.

I will, but my opinion of what? My current job? It's possible. To be honest, work is one of the few places where I do not have an IDGAF attitude. Work is more important than most things and I take it seriously. However, with a few more options, I may relax a bit more and give my current job a bit less of my processor time.

[–]canadianmooserancher 0 points1 point  (3 children)

most places have surplus labour, i think you are permitted to think of putting yourself forward as a prize in order to gain employment. there is so much rift raft that something that has self respect is disliked... but alluring lol. so give it a go, make it happen

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Most places have empty heads filling seats. Demonstrate value. Presume superiority. Assume the sale. The world lacks men that have balls and brains.

[–]canadianmooserancher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ya. I don't know why you got flack. Makes sense to me

[–]Psychocist 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Think about your job for a moment. Do you enjoy it? Are you paid decently for the work you do? If the answer to both of those questions is not yes, then why are you doing it?

Fully agree. I recently quit my programming job, moved to Thailand so I could work part-time freelance and spend rest of my time working on my own goals. I think I just became disillusioned with pouring my life into someone else's goals. I figured I owe it to myself to be doing something I love every day. I loved programming, but I didn't like being told what to build. Now I build whatever the hell I want, and that is something that a job could never give me.

..and yes, abundance mentality applies here, too. There is an abundance of money and hoes. The only thing there isn't an abundance of is TIME. And your TIME is worth more than a job can ever pay you. You're essentially prostituting your mind for a $ figure like a time whore.

I don't care how much riskier it is or how much less money I have (for now), or how it demands MORE time at times -- it IS the way life should be lived. Even if you find yourself falling into this kind of state through a job -- I can see myself being here if I were a paramedic, for e.g. -- consider yourself very lucky. I don't think many people get to that place.

[–]1SirKolbath 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You are a great example and a success story to me. Congratulations! I have no doubt that the hard work will pay off soon.

[–]Psychocist 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks, it's good to know I can inspire others with the actions I've taken. Hard, smart work will always pay off. Just be brutal with the sacrifices you make.

[–]Heizenbrg 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Can't walk out of an apartment you just paid a security deposit and rent tho😭

[–]1SirKolbath 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can't walk out of an apartment you just paid a security deposit and rent tho😭

Sure you can. There are penalties for breaking a lease but they are rarely as expensive as following a lease out to full term. Also, a lot of apartments will allow you to transfer the lease if you find somebody else to take your place. If nothing else, start looking around now and find a better place so that when your lease ends you can move without a lot of hassle.

You might be stuck for a year, but that's a very small portion of your life.

[–]aceofa 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve learned this by being heart broken, lonely, and broke. I came out of every aspect... that’s why I love myself. I still find it hard to do so. But you’re right, you must apply it all the time and genuinely believe it.

Congrats on the promotion/interviews!!

[–]1ozaku7 54 points55 points  (3 children)

TL;DR: Learn to Respect and Love yourself, I believe that is the most important thing I've learnt here and I wish it was the first.

The sub is so focussed on self-improvement, but exactly lacks this kind of knowledge that in the end, you must be happy alone, respect and love yourself so you are in your best shape and mental state without the help of others. Others only amplify your emotional state, so it's a wise decision to maximize it with positivity to maximum result. If you are miserable, people will use that and make you feel even shittier. Observe people, and ask yourself, how much do people like this person, and how much this person likes himself.

[–]TRPDigesting 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I know that maternal advice isn't often relevant to the subjects around here, but my mom always spoke of the importance of "Being your own best friend" which is something that I've internalized pretty well.

Enjoy a robust social circle, wonderful people you meet, your coworkers or family too. But at the end of the day, be happy simply to be in your own company.

[–]beginner_ 2 points3 points  (1 child)

The sub is so focussed on self-improvement, but exactly lacks this kind of knowledge that in the end, you must be happy alone, respect and love yourself so you are in your best shape and mental state without the help of others.

How can you respect yourself if you are a fat, lazy slob?

The whole point of self-improvement is to achieve exactly this which also means real confidence.

[–]BaronIncognito 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately you can be in great shape and seemingly have your stuff together but if you are doing it hoping for external validation (from women) you might still be miserable. I think that’s what he was getting at. Not just respect, but loving yourself too.

[–][deleted] 51 points52 points  (1 child)

The single biggest thing unattractive and unsuccessful men can do is stop being so hard on themselves.

This is what the often good looking and well dressed nice guy doesn’t get? He’s right he is a great guy to others but not himself and unfortunately for him this is a dealbreaker for women.

I took me the best part of 30 years to realise I wasn’t beating myself up because I was a loser - I was a loser because I beat myself up.

[–]behindtheline40 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this is something I need to explore more

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (2 children)

This evil redpill sub often gets, "Just treat women like human beings!" thrown back at us.

It's actually fantastic advice.

Treat women well. Do not treat them like the entitled princess they expect, don't be a miserable asshole, just treat them like another human.

The counterpoint, of course, is to also treat yourself like a human being. You're not a king, but you're not a downtrodden servant either. Treat yourself well. Like a human being.

When you're used to preferential treatment, equality seems unfair.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Treating women like people also means revoking the pussy pass.

[–]fade2clear 12 points13 points  (0 children)

This is so important. Even having this knowledge and being aware of it doesn't make it reality for you. You love yourself by being the absolute best version of you and that takes hard work. Other people will discourage you and hold you back if you let them because misery loves company.

Never get complacent.

[–]jvgkaty44 8 points9 points  (5 children)

This me right now, i dont know what to do. Ive been single for many years and finally met someone who i fell for and then she broke my heart. I literally dont give a fuck about anything, im like a walkjng ghost whos going thru the motions. Its been 6 months since we stopped talking but i work with her and everyweek i feel like a get broken again. Its like im in heartbreak groundhog day movie

[–]WaterHound 17 points18 points  (4 children)

Sure, but you're forgetting what's been repeated in this thread now several times.

Your problem isn't the girl or whether or not she reciprocates your feelings. It's you. You don't reciprocate your own feelings towards yourself.

It has nothing to do with whether you can block her out, or find someone else to fill the void (they won't). You have to accept that void and recognize that the "hole" is you. You've always had yourself. That's not nihilistic. What's nihilistic is rejecting that "void" altogether and pretending it has no signficance, but all of the external factors do.

Your heart breaks because you've made HER the focal point of your existence. Make yourself the focal point. Stop breaking up with yourself, if that makes sense.

[–]jvgkaty44 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Yea, its just hard to do. Its become a daily habit if u will to think this way. Not sure how to stop and start thinking the way you talk about. How? Cause this shit sucks man.

[–]WaterHound 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Multiple threads on TRP discuss this very thing. Start small.

Clean your room. Start lifting and/or exercising. Start small. Nothing tremendous. Take ownership and start a relationship with yourself.

There is no quick fix. I'm still a noob, and it's taken me a while to even get this far. But I can tell you that when you "just do it" and make yourself the center point, things change and the "suck" begins to wane.

The journey will be painful though. You've gotta accept it. No "tingly-feeling" journey for anyone that wants to reclaim their masculinity.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Mental models follow action, not the other way around. Do what a man that loves himself would do. Gym, style, discipline, socialize, hobbies, etc.

Your special girl has had cum on her face and in her ass the week after you broke up. That’s what you’re pining over. Love yourself before all others.

[–]Psychocist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you have the ability, see a therapist, maybe even start a small round of anti-depressants. I used them for 3 months once and it helped me out of a very dark period, and I was able to keep myself up. Regardless, a therapist will be able to advise you on that. Don't just sit back and watch your mental health deteriorate without trying everything you can to change yourself for the better.

[–]banjew 10 points11 points  (1 child)

You can love yourself, self-respect yourself, fuck lots of bitches, and still have a lingering oneitis for that girl that got away (tm).

Now if you still behave like a beta bitch with her, it's entirely your fault. No contact, and that's it. Will it hurt? hell yeah, for years. Decades perhaps. That's life.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Self-respect (self-sufficiency and inner peace) absolutely contradicts oneitis (emotional dependence and internal ambivalence leading to the obsession with someone else as an agent of salvation.) Oneitis negates self-respect and vice versa. You need to understand how the suffix 'itis' in oneitis indicates pathology.

[–]Fedor_Gavnyukov 2 points3 points  (0 children)

very true and probably the best advice i've read on this forum. this is the key to success in pretty much any area of your life. my mother have taught me this since i was young. it didn't catch on until i was in my 20's though. better late than never.

[–]anonmmmm112 6 points7 points  (10 children)


I was aware of redpill and became one 2 years ago after a break up. Recently joined this community and i dont get one thing

How do you have a frame? I know what it means to go in 'her' frame, but how does a man create one, what does it mean and what are its parts? Is it like the one u get when you go clubbing and u enter flow and everyone wanna see what u are up to or?

[–]ThrowTheTRP[S] 17 points18 points  (4 children)

Bringing people into your frame means that you're the one in control, you aren't the one in the conversation who's more emotionally invested. A man who's in control of his emotions will have a strong frame. Something I like to think is, "You can't stop yourself from becoming angry, but how you act upon the feeling is down to you". You can either get mad and be a little bitch or maintain frame and direct the emotion productively.

This is all taught in the sidebar, please read it. (and by read it I mean, literally open up "Introduction" and get going.

[–]anonmmmm112 4 points5 points  (3 children)

If I'm going to a male friend's party and there are lots of chicks around is there a way to not give in a bit of frame?

After all it's his party, he decides what music is playing, when everyone is leaving, and you are best friends. Stealing frame and making it your party is an option but his reaction won't be a good one. Whar do you do?

I started with the books, as many articles seemed to be from illimitablemen which i am familiar with, reading intro now.

Thanks for all the responses, finally makes sense.

[–]AshyLarry27 10 points11 points  (2 children)

Look at it more of being in control of yourself and your emotions. Think of a guy talking to a girl. Think about how nervous he is and jittering. He stumbles over his words. She, on the other hand, is calm or maybe mildly uncomfortable with how this guy is acting. She has the power in this interaction, because this guy is way too invested in impressing her. She is under no pressure to impress him back. She is free to speak and say whatever is on her mind. She owns the frame, mainly because the guy is outright giving it to her.

Now imagine a guy with a more, lets say, James Bond-like demeanor. He is cool, calm, and collected. He is unphased by her beauty and carries the conversation how he wants. She is impressed with his confidence and demeanor. She throws him a shit test, he bats it away with a witty line. He continues to go about the interaction in a cool, calm, and collected manner. To her, he appears unphasable, this is very attractive. She will now want to impress him. He is holding frame and in control of the interaction. Does that help?

[–]anonmmmm112 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Thank you for your reply, it did help a lot.

How does an alpha keep frame around other alpha males? Is it possible that they can co-exist or does one of them have to give in to the other. As the mentioned example, you are at your male friend's party. Do you let him be the leader of it all or do you kind of separate in other sides of the house/place and try to make a group of your own?

I guess this is a much more complicated and related to power dominance not frames?

[–]AshyLarry27 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Personally I think they can, but it comes down to the other "alpha." You have alphas who are generally good and stern guys, then you have faux alphas that are guys who are overly competitive and come off as bullies. The faux are insecure and feel they have to be the toughest guy in the room no matter what because anything else is just being weak. Again if you hold frame to these guys (which may get tough if they want to get physical), it makes you look good and most women see through the faux alpha's shtick.

Hold frame and do what you can to maintain it. You will always be better than some people and there will always be someone better than you. You don't have to be the "most bad ass MF'in alpha" on the planet to get laid, so don't get too hung up on that. Control what you can. Lift, eat right, build confidence.

[–]AnjaJutta 7 points8 points  (2 children)

A frame is a collective of your beliefs, stands, opinions, what you find stupid and what you find funny. It is also your mission in this world as well as your boundaries on what you can accept from any other person before you either kick the shit out of them or cut them off your life.

Now, the magic of it all is that the moment that you stand for something as a person, you automatically have to defend each and every inch of yourself to the very bone to communicate that message to the world. It means you have to work harder than you ever worked before to build the skills you require and to strengthen yourself and your frame.

[–]NewelOverplay777 0 points1 point  (1 child)

How frame is co-related with your alpha position in relation with other people (women and men)? And how its related on interaction with women to escalation?

[–]AnjaJutta 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That could be a nice topic for your TRP Thesis.

[–]Donwartelone 5 points6 points  (0 children)

your frame is your natural state of mind,religion,sanity,health,fitness,self respect,emotion,behavior,actions,analyzing,and morals and u should not change it for nobody women or men. Also frame is when u have to be in control of most situations as a man for example let's say your talking to a new plate prospect and you guys are gonna go out and you say "where do you wanna go". And she wil most likely say "idk" and she chooses you will be deemed as weak because you let her choose for you not a strong frame and will be unattractive.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s simple. The men that have “frame” are unshakeable giants. Imagine for a moment you are a special forces operator. Imagine for a moment you are pimp. These men are completely unmovable in their convictions. Their actions flow effortlessly from who and what they are.

[–]Prophets_Prey 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this. Really needed to hear this.

[–]SKRedPill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Here's the truth - everyone will do what it takes to respect and justify themselves but will try every trick in the book to stop you from doing that. Don't fall for it. When everyone's got their right (or thinks they have the right) to <whatever> and don't find that a wrong thing in any way, so do you. I've been beta to the purple end of the spectrum and at the end of the day, everyone asked me, "WTF!? Stand up for yourself dude!?"

And that's why getting into a debate with women is pointless. Sometimes, frame and authority are the only way by which you put your foot forward. I'm not saying become a psychopath or something, but most betas are the extreme opposite end and need to shift to a healthier ground, for which they need a healthy amount of selfishness -- they take this right or wrong that the world imposes on them far too much to hold their own ground, making them slaves. In power plays, there is no absolute right and wrong except the frame you establish.

Even the death penalty isn't an exception -- so there are serious limits to the whole idea of absolute right and wrong -- the reality is a lot more flexible than you can imagine. So even killing is the right thing to do with some extreme cases. It's a shock for most betas when they realize that can be very powerful without being evil (which goes against all the conditioning that they're drilled into).

The reality is that everyone out there is trying to impose their frames on each other and we all compromise a bit so that we can all drive on the road without killing each other. Never concede frame so much that they'll drive all over you - if you send the vibes out that it's ok for you to be walked over, then you WILL be walked over. You send vibes and create exactly what is at the very bottom of your mind. Beliefs are our root fundamental programming. Meditate and examine why you let things happen to you, or why you do certain things. You can discover the subconscious programming at the root of it.

Don't listen to the people who tell you you're being selfish when the reality is that you're being tossed around like a POS. Look at what's really happening and not propaganda. Just go drive in chaotic traffic, it's a lesson in frame.

Just don't get so twisted evil or be a fool who ends up as a laughing stock.