I know a lot of you guys here think that you know what it means to put the pussy on the pedestal.
I know you think you’ve seen some shit in your life.
I know you think that you are armed and ready and it will never happen to you.
You think because you’ve read all the blogs, books, listened to all the podcasts and spun some plates that you will be spared.
I thought so too.
You will get burned, it will hurt like hell, and you will never see it coming.
You will do it to yourself. Depending on how strong you are, it will happen in a month or it will happen in 6 but it will happen.
Here are some things I’ve learned and I will keep in mind. Decide for yourself.
Never try an LTR with the hottest girl you’ve ever been with. This will fuck you and it is an absolutely awful place to start off. You will subconsciously use this to justify every little fucking thing that is wrong with this girl. The pussy will blind you. She absolutely cannot be the hottest girl you have been with. They either all have to be as hot as her or better. If you have been fucking with a bunch of 6-7s and you some how manage to land a 9, fucking watch out. You are not ready for this. You got a 9 because of all the work you put into yourself and maybe you got lucky (probably). Let the first 9 you get go, be okay with telling her to bounce. Put yourself through that. The time in the gym, the time reading, the time working. This girl will be your first real test and you are going to fail. She will test you harder and more viciously than any girl before her. The only way to win is to not play. Let the first girl go. Depending on the girl, not doing this could end horrendously for you. It will undo years of self improvement and growth in a matter of months, like it did for me. Soon you will look back and wonder how the fuck you ended up where you are. You will look back at every little compromise that you made. Every one of your rules that you broke, every discipline that you ignored. You will hear the words “You are not the same guy I fell for” come out of your soon to be ex’s mouth and it will fucking hurt. It will hurt because you did it for her.
If her relationship history, with her previous boyfriends or family, bothers you in the slightest - bail You will find a million and half fucking reasons to justify her behavior and her circumstances in life ( refer point number 1). Don’t do it. It’s such a slippery god damn slope. It will just compound into letting her get away a myriad of poor actions and behaviors. Once you start ignoring all the alarms going off in your head at this level, everything else that follows will go completely unnoticed. There are other girls who don’t have these problems. Keep that shit in mind. You don’t need to justify any of this shit. She is not special. She is not the one. There are others with half the fucking baggage. Go find them. Pay attention to her relationship with her father and family. When she talks about her father, listen very fucking closely. Pay close attention to how she treats the people in her family and how she behaves around them. If she treats them like shit, she’s going to end up treating you like shit eventually too. Here is a standard I wish I had followed : From what you know about her dad, is he admirable? (do you respect him?) No? Fucking bail. Yea yea a percentage of girls will turn out fine despite their daddy issues. You will not meet those girls. You are not that lucky.
If you are trying to date a model: your shit better be on fucking LOCK. Your game and you needs to be one person. It better a part of who you are. Fake it till you make it? Yea, no. If you’re dating a girl with enough dudes around her trying to slide in, you better be ready for a constant battle. The better you get, the harder your competition gets. The stronger you are, the harder the fights you have to fight. It’s like getting drafted into the NBA out of college and going up against LeBron. Yea you got in but you’re not ready. Is it worth it? Not in my experience. You have to justify and rationalize a bunch of shit. Putting this bitch on the pedestal is more like you dig the ground out around here. That’s what it feels like. Not picking her up and putting her somewhere. It’s like you dig yourself a hole around her and soon you’re looking up as she’s standing over you on a mountain you built for her.
A girl that is in love you will stay with you through absolutely anything and will not notice anything wrong about you . You better know exactly what you like and what you don’t like. You better know exactly who you are. There are alcoholics who beat their girlfriends and crack heads that steal money from their wives but these women will never leave them. Why?
Because love is naive as fuck and crack head has an insane confidence in his habit. It’s more important to a girl to be okay with what they feel than to understand why they feel what they feel.
Men have to justify to themselves why they should commit. If you have any semblance of self respect and value, you will notice a bunch of shit that you can rather do without before you commit yourself to a girl. Depending on where you are, it might take you months or even years to be okay with some of this shit.
Just make sure you’re not wavering on some important values that are core to your beliefs and that you are doing it for the right woman. Talk to people who have been together for a long time. Refer back to your culture and your heritage. Get wisdom. Be willing to walk away.
Women need to justify why they shouldn’t love you. They feel first, think second and often never until they stop feeling. A girl that is in love with you will be suggesting ways to make things better. The moment that she starts pointing things out that she doesn’t like, NOTICE IT.
This moment is crucial. There will be a moment in your relationship when things start going from “let’s do this” to “why are you like this”. You’re already loosing her or you’ve already lost her at this point. You’re instincts will be to listen to her and try to change the things about you that she says is bothering her. DO NOT DO IT. Do not start to change now. This will be a defining moment in you relationship and will determine the ensuing shit storm. Do not fucking budge. If you change, you loose. Be prepared to stand by the things you believe in and the values you hold because if you fail this test, she will loose respect. Be prepared to stand by who you are at the expense of your relationship with this girl. If you are in any combination of the first 3 points, you are fucked. Everything this girl tells you will become the be all end all.
Younger guys reading this , 18-25, still trying on personalities, trying to figure out who you are. YOU are not ready for a long term relationship. You have to know who you are and what you stand for without a shadow of a doubt before you can start to lead a relationship with a woman.
A relationship to me is like driving a car with your partner as the passenger. Only the passenger is pure fucking chaos giving you all the wrong fucking directions but you have to make her feel involved some how. She has no idea what she believes in but she believes so strongly about the things she feels strongest about that trying to argue with her will be almost impossible. You have to be strong enough to put your hand into the chaos and guide it through, without being consumed by it. To do that, you need an absolute, concrete personality.
She is scared, she will look to you to know what to do even though she yells and screams that she knows what she’s doing. This is why girls will tell you that they love and will stay with you for ever and then be over that shit the next day. Only men keep their word. Women’s word is attached to their emotions. If she said she’ll never lie to you, what she meant was she’ll never lie to you as long as she feels the same way she does about you, in that moment. She will be the absolute test of your morals, your values and your personality. Stand up for yourself. To do that, you need to be okay with the fact that it might mean loosing her.
Do not accept extravagant gifts from your girl . You will find yourself using this as an excuse as to why you should compromise on your values and what you want from the relationship. If you feel like the gift is something that will put you an awkward position, take it in the moment but talk to her and return it later. Spend that money on something together. It will save you a lot of heartache in the future. The more extravagant the gift, they more you feel guilty over pissing her off or doing something she doesn’t like. It’s a fucking trap. It’s a gift you never asked for but the guilt trip she will put you through will make you feel like it was.
There has to be a part of your life that she is never allowed to be part of. She is not your best friend. She is not a guy. You have to keep a part of yourself from coming in contact with the chaos. Regularly keep some of your time to engage with other men in things that she is not allowed to participate in. It could be where you work out or poker night. She’s not allowed. It will keep you sane and stop your perception of your life from getting warped. The more involved she is, the more warped your perception of the magnitude of her importance, the higher the pedestal you will put her on. Keep reminding yourself that you were fine before she got here and you will be fine when she’s gone.
Let her be jealous. She will bitch and fucking moan about the other girls that you interact with especially if she has low self esteem. Do not fucking listen. Drop the hammer, you do what you want and you talk to who you want. It’s not your fault if she can’t handle it. Do not pander to that shit, do not put that pussy on a pedestal. Go out and do it. Meet other girls, keep your game fresh. Your work never ends. Your training never ends. The better you get, the better you have to get.
Do not stand for disrespect. Know what you stand for and what you like. Anything that she does that goes against that is disrespect and you shall not and will not stand for it. Make it known, if she has any sort of firm grounding in her own beliefs, she might actually walk away from you. If not, you have everything to gain by telling your girl to shut the fuck up and sit down.
In reality gentlemen, this will probably fucking happen to you anyway. You will get burned if you already haven’t. Don’t let it get you down. Men can make it through anything.
If you meet the right kind of self destructive girl with no discipline, low self esteem in the right place where you don’t get to interact with other women, where she is the hottest thing around, this will fucking happen to you. You will start thinking how lucky you are because all the other thirsty fuckers around you will be telling you that. You will get blinded by the pussy. It won’t matter how fucking strong you are. If you let your guard down, you will get fucked.
Don’t for a second assume that a woman wants to maintain your relationship. She will do everything in her power to make sure that you are the man she thinks she deserves and every woman thinks she deserves a fucking god and it gets worse as they demand for them increases. She is a trojan horse. The biggest threat to your relationship is your girl. I happen to live in a socialist shit hole where hot women are actually unicorns. I got fucked in what I imagine is the worst combination of situations that a man can have to deal with. I would consider myself a strong man. I built myself up with discipline and strength over years and it took this woman a little over 6 months to tear it down. I started smoking, eating like absolute shit, not getting enough sleep, spending money I didn’t have. I crashed my car and missed out on work.
Never compromise on your values and discipline. To do that, find your base. Find those values that you absolutely believe and know to make you a better man. Unfortunately you may have to go through such an experience to know who you really are and what really matters to you.
Men can make it through anything. That’s what makes us men. Think of all the great men that Cleopatra fucked over. Elon Musk got divorced to the same woman twice. Don’t sweat it too much. Remember, this happens to the best of us.
Keep moving forward. You will be better off for this experience. You got burned but you will heal and scars are cool as fuck.