Spitballing here gents but if you take a gander despite your busy day, I hope I can add to someone’s quality of life.
Porn is distinct in that the majority of the experience is fundamentally based on the female perspective. The penetration, the excitement, the domination, and the “blissful”masochism, ie the “surrender”; these are the foundational elements of the pornographic experience. Even when the video itself centers from the male perspective still, the engrossing element is the activity of the female: the shameful pleasure derived from doing something “naughty”. This is essentially sex from the female perspective: it is pleasure based and requires submission.
From my experience, now that I am 27, this is not at all what sex is like for a “RP”man (for lack of a better phrase.) What I mean to say is a man who is conscious of his position and keenly aware of the effects of all his actions. When I was younger, I masturbated to porn all the time. When I finally lost my virginity, the experience of sex was, embarrassingly, disappointing. It was not nearly as pleasurable as I anticipated. I was expecting earth shattering pleasure and kaleidoscopic visions of ecstasy. Instead, I shamefully recall thinking “porn felt better.” I was too young and too naive then to explain this disturbing sensation.
After many more sexual experiences, I ran into the dreaded performance anxiety. I did not know it then but this was directly attributable to porn. You see at that time when I had sex, I did not recognize this then, I was expectant. I was waiting for something to happen. like when you sit into a rollercoaster but it doesn’t move. I continued to expect something to take me and force me to experience some new wonderful sensation.
In effect, porn had programmed me to want to experience sex like a woman. My sexual state of mind had been high jacked.
I became very disturbed by this. I sought remedies in various different ways before I finally nailed down the proper culprit. I must have fucked dozens of hookers trying to prove to myself that my dick worked just fine; and for the most part it did. But there was still an element missing, I felt.
I tried NoFap out of desperation. I got a few good streaks in but never anything major, probably never longer than a month. This was hell and felt like unnecessary torture but, something changed.
After a few months on and off NoFap, I had sex. The experience was completely different. Because I felt so much sexual tension pent up, my aggression was through the roof. Full disclosure: I had always been the ultimate Beta as a lover. The whole nine yards: eating stank pussy when I didn’t want to; cumming too soon and caring about it; kissing and touching like a lesbian. Looking back on it now, I was a bitch.
The sex after my NoFap break from self-abuse was one filled with choking, ass slapping and shit talk. I had never before felt inclined or attracted to aggressive sex in that way. It had never felt natural before this occasion. But now, I had apparently stopped subconsciously focusing on my desire for pleasure and more on the effect my actions were having on my partner. When I fucked her I didn’t think about how good it felt, but about how hard I could thrust to make her lose her shit like the bitch she was. I enjoyed slapping her, the power trip of feeling her pulse in my grip excited me.
I cannot tell you gentlemen how novel this experience was for me at that time. It was as if I had become a man, truly.
Afterwards, I ruminated. What was different? What had changed about me? I concluded that what had changed was my perception of what sex was.
You see, sex for a woman is an experience akin to what I have described in the initial paragraphs of this writing; a surrender in expectation of being taken for a ride. This is the exact same thing that happens when I log onto xhamster: I lay back and expect to be taken for a ride. After so many years of that, I had effectively cucked myself.
I learned that sex for the man I had become was a continuous exercise in “how bad can I fucking break this bitch”. How much of a cum-slut pleasure slave can I turn this bitch into. My own pleasure was of minimal importance so my focus wasn’t centered on how hard I was or was I going to come or not; the only thing I cared about was, and this is going to sound very corny, the showcase of my manhood. It was almost like a performance but, not in the sense of “how well can I do this” but rather “how much shit can I do to this girl that would piss me off if done to me but makes her moan and shake uncontrollably from the sensation”. My orgasm at the end was not even the icing on the cake, it was the little fucking cherry. Sex wasn’t about pleasure anymore, it was about what came after. That glow I felt as I pulled my flaccid and filthy dick from out of her crevice and stomped my way into the bathroom to wash myself without a word as she lay there trying to put her reality back together. This defining experience unique to being a man was one that indulging in porn had stolen from me. Nothing had changed about me physically; what had changed was my sexual psychology.
In conclusion, I no longer indulge in porn. Ever. I try only to masturbate when I’ve gone at least a week without release; usually more, as jerking it too often fucks with my confidence as well. Not sure why but I don’t care if “why” matters.
Dropping porn from my life has done much to help me assert myself in this misguided and paradoxical world and I encourage anyone struggling with fully ingesting that RP to beware of porns indoctrinating effects.
Just my two cents.
Edit: I am NOT advocating NOFAP. It was a part of my experience so I had to detail it. While I think monitoring how much you masturbate is important, permanent blu balling is not something I subscribe to. Please read the post more carefully. Porn is what I think is toxic not busting a nut when you can’t focus.
Edit 2: like I’ve previously stated in this post, this is my anecdotal experience. Not every man has had an issue like this. I wanted to get it off my chest and see if I wasn’t the only one. Porn fucked my perspective up and maybe it did nothing to you. Got it.
But the TRP is one of the reasons I even think this way and have the tools to self analyze my behavior; I can’t deny how shitty an influence porn has had on my life. Just being honest.