About 3-4 hours ago my grandfather died. He died in his sleep in the hospital. I was lying in my bed thinking about what to eat when my phone rang. It was my mother, crying her heart out trying to tell me that grandpa died. She told me to be strong and not freak out even though she could barely breath. I said "ok", put the phone down and without feeling anything i got up and went to scramble some eggs. It was weird, the first thing i remembered after i got up was a quote from Marcus Aurelius from the book Meditiations that i found out about through this site. Something along the lines of "realise that you own nothing that was here before you, which means you can not lose anything for it never belonged to you" or something like that. I didn't really think that much about it. On my way to the kitchen i saw my grandmother, first thing i thought to myself was "She doesn't even know... she is going to cry her heart out.". Then i remembered immediately after that to "suffer in silence". I got to the kitchen and made some scrambled eggs, some meat and a glass of milk. It was delicious.
I remember last year that some distant relative (mothers uncle or something, i don't even know who he was exactly) died. I remember how i cried that time at the funeral. I was always a really emotional guy when "losing" things. But not now. My grandfather just died and i didn't even shed a tear, and i loved my grandfather.
My mother came home and she stormed to the kitchen and started choking down some pills to calm her, then she started giving them to grandmother. Grandma immediately started to cry as she figured it out i guess. I have never before in my life heard someone cry so hard. She was screaming, uncontrollably waving her hand around and was shaking so much... I felt somehow "annoyed" (maybe not the exact word i'm looking for), i kind of feel bad about feeling like that. The thing that annoyed me even more though was that grandma and grandpa pretty much hated each other. If they haven't had kids they probably would have gotten divorced. Constant fights, throwing things at each other sometimes. They were really dysfunctional together. And now she is crying like never before. I just don't want that, ever. She did a lot of horrible things in her life and now she is feeling sorry... I can't feel sad because of that. I don't know it's weird.
Now, enough of my rant i guess. The part that might interest you is coming next. While my mother and grandmother were crying, i was with my father in the other room. He is some-what redpilled. A very stoic, hard-working man, he never complains (ever) and knows how to make money. He invested a lot in improving his career and it payed off. But he doesn't know how to deal with people. He has no compassion and can't seem to understand other people very well. This is what he said to me as he lighted a cigar in a completely calm, unfazed by what just happened, way.
"Don't you think it's pathetic? Instead of getting their shit together and going to the hospital to see him for the last time they are sobbing over there."
Even though something tragic just happened, he is unfazed and knows what is the best thing to do. He wanted them to show some respect towards the dead. Let us see our grandpa before he gets all frozen up.
"It's theatrical really, crying like that. It's hard, son. It's very hard on you when you lose someone but you just press through... You harden your heart and press through. The more you fight it the more it hurts, just accept the pain as part of life and life won't seem as painful."
Embrace pain and suffer in silence. Embrace the rejection and just don't give a fuck. It's plain and simple.
"One day you are going to bury me, do me a favor and don't cry. Build a life worth living and the pain won't hit as hard."
Abundance mentality, just instead of women he was talking about life in general.
It's weird how i see everything through this "redpill vision". It's been about a year since i found out about the redpill. I am not even sure if i swallowed the pill yet, but i finally feel like making real progress.