I didn't think the redpill would change me this much (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by EntrepreneurToBee

About 3-4 hours ago my grandfather died. He died in his sleep in the hospital. I was lying in my bed thinking about what to eat when my phone rang. It was my mother, crying her heart out trying to tell me that grandpa died. She told me to be strong and not freak out even though she could barely breath. I said "ok", put the phone down and without feeling anything i got up and went to scramble some eggs. It was weird, the first thing i remembered after i got up was a quote from Marcus Aurelius from the book Meditiations that i found out about through this site. Something along the lines of "realise that you own nothing that was here before you, which means you can not lose anything for it never belonged to you" or something like that. I didn't really think that much about it. On my way to the kitchen i saw my grandmother, first thing i thought to myself was "She doesn't even know... she is going to cry her heart out.". Then i remembered immediately after that to "suffer in silence". I got to the kitchen and made some scrambled eggs, some meat and a glass of milk. It was delicious.

I remember last year that some distant relative (mothers uncle or something, i don't even know who he was exactly) died. I remember how i cried that time at the funeral. I was always a really emotional guy when "losing" things. But not now. My grandfather just died and i didn't even shed a tear, and i loved my grandfather.

My mother came home and she stormed to the kitchen and started choking down some pills to calm her, then she started giving them to grandmother. Grandma immediately started to cry as she figured it out i guess. I have never before in my life heard someone cry so hard. She was screaming, uncontrollably waving her hand around and was shaking so much... I felt somehow "annoyed" (maybe not the exact word i'm looking for), i kind of feel bad about feeling like that. The thing that annoyed me even more though was that grandma and grandpa pretty much hated each other. If they haven't had kids they probably would have gotten divorced. Constant fights, throwing things at each other sometimes. They were really dysfunctional together. And now she is crying like never before. I just don't want that, ever. She did a lot of horrible things in her life and now she is feeling sorry... I can't feel sad because of that. I don't know it's weird.

Now, enough of my rant i guess. The part that might interest you is coming next. While my mother and grandmother were crying, i was with my father in the other room. He is some-what redpilled. A very stoic, hard-working man, he never complains (ever) and knows how to make money. He invested a lot in improving his career and it payed off. But he doesn't know how to deal with people. He has no compassion and can't seem to understand other people very well. This is what he said to me as he lighted a cigar in a completely calm, unfazed by what just happened, way.

"Don't you think it's pathetic? Instead of getting their shit together and going to the hospital to see him for the last time they are sobbing over there."

Even though something tragic just happened, he is unfazed and knows what is the best thing to do. He wanted them to show some respect towards the dead. Let us see our grandpa before he gets all frozen up.

"It's theatrical really, crying like that. It's hard, son. It's very hard on you when you lose someone but you just press through... You harden your heart and press through. The more you fight it the more it hurts, just accept the pain as part of life and life won't seem as painful."

Embrace pain and suffer in silence. Embrace the rejection and just don't give a fuck. It's plain and simple.

"One day you are going to bury me, do me a favor and don't cry. Build a life worth living and the pain won't hit as hard."

Abundance mentality, just instead of women he was talking about life in general.

It's weird how i see everything through this "redpill vision". It's been about a year since i found out about the redpill. I am not even sure if i swallowed the pill yet, but i finally feel like making real progress.

RIP Grandpa

[–]strikethrough123 346 points347 points  (4 children)

You have one hell of a father.

[–]EntrepreneurToBee[S] 26 points27 points  (2 children)

The reason he handled it so well was because he disliked grandpa (mothers father). He also had a rough childhood and doesn't miss it. It's difficult to describe a person through a single paragraph. He isn't the Rambo as he seems in the text.

[–]strikethrough123 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Rambo or not, his attitude towards life is incredible, I'm sure you've learned many valuable lessons.

[–]2chazthundergut 201 points202 points  (10 children)

Stoicism is great. Meditating upon the impermanence of everything, and even meditating upon death, is great.

But it's also okay to show emotions. To feel them and express them. Just don't do it in front of chicks, and don't do it more than you have to.

When I found out my father had stage 4 cancer, I got pretty choked up but I kept my composure. It wasn't until I was alone that I ran a long hot shower and let myself break down and sob with the water running over me. After that, I dried myself off and got to work setting up his estate planning, delegating tasks to my family members, and hugging my mother and sister and giving them a shoulder to cry on.

To be a man is to be alone. To bear the yoke in silence. To do what must be done without complaint or self-pity.

[–]ShittDickk 21 points22 points  (1 child)

Exactly. A big part of stoicism is realizing that you aren't in control of anything in this world other than your own perception of things. You can easily control how you feel, and preemptively process tragic things before they happen so that you may feel comfortable when you those things happen. But controlling your emotions is like training a dog, and sometimes what's best for the dog is to let it run loose and be a dog. Doesn't mean you'll let it run into traffic or go after something too dangerous.

[–]666mafioso 8 points9 points  (5 children)

Wish I could upvote this twice. I remember when my closest grandmother died I was in charge of funeral processions and I remember my grandpa’s brother telling him, “Now that’s a real man.” I was erring on the side of almost robotic emotionless-ness and I felt numb, but I realized that I had to do what had to be done. Even though all her friends came and went nearly screaming and my mom was broken, I realized that in that moment, the best thing to do was to keep it together. After everything had settled I remember taking a midnight walk to the river with a bottle of Korean rice wine and bawling my eyes out. After that, I moved on. She was like a mother to me and when she had a heart attack and was put into a coma (which she never eventually woke up from) I visited her everyday just staring at her lifeless face. I knew what was coming, but I think what was the hardest was seeing others around me and those who knew her well just breaking down.

It’s not that we don’t have emotions, it’s that we choose to indulge in them more than necessary, like binge eating because this too shall pass. I know I’m going to be in the grave eventually as well and I don’t want my kin to break down over my passing but rather have learned something from my experiences that helps them in their future.

[–]HopelessDistraction 4 points5 points  (4 children)

I really don't understand the whole over-exaggerated, breaking down crying in front of everyone. It's like saying "help me I'm sad and need you to comfort me".

I only ever cried at one funeral, and that was because my best friend's mother had committed suicide. When my friend went up to the front to give his speech, it was beautiful and full of admiration for his mother, despite her taking her own life. He was proud of her and all of the help and advice she had given him throughout the years. I broke down because she took her own life instead of receiving help, and left a broken family without a mother for the rest of their lives. It was incredibly sad and I could not hold back the overwhelming emotions I was feeling as he was giving the speech. Unsurprisingly, he held it together because that was his job. I know the day of her passing he cried for hours, so I think it was out of his system by then. I also think he was hoping to make her proud by staying strong for everyone else in the room while giving the speech.

I didn't cry for attention, but just because it was such a sudden loss of life, and the situation was horrendous. I just find it odd that I was one of just a couple people crying.

I think showing emotions at the right time is fine, I just hope that when I pass away, my kids (if I have any) are proud of the life I've lived and use me as an example for them to live their lives to the fullest extent. I think that is all any parent can hope for when they pass.

[–]666mafioso 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Yeah, I don’t understand it fully either. However, I can attest that some people are better at controlling their emotions than others, or even some specific emotions over others. My girlfriend has a hard time confining her feelings of sadness/sympathy and I have troubles reining in my anger/hatred. I think biology has some part that plays in that as well. I remember when my grandma died, I wasn’t sad that she was gone but more angry that I wasn’t there to resuscitate her. I felt like I failed her, myself, and my family by not being there to perform CPR when I knew my grandpa didn’t know how to.

[–]HopelessDistraction 3 points4 points  (2 children)

I hope you still don't feel that way. It's not your responsibility to perform CPR on your grandma. Everyone dies at some point, and you can't be there 24/7.

[–]666mafioso 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I don’t anymore, but I’ll own up to the fact that I did indeed play a harsh indirect line in not being there. See I was supposed to visit her the day of to drop off some stuff. Instead of coming by around 5 like I claimed I would, I fucked around a bit and ended up dropping by around 9. When I let myself in the house I knew that something was fucked because the dining table was pushed from its place (it’s a heavy one) and there was an orange stretcher propped up against the wall. Plastic bags wrappers from instant-use medical devices of sorts, etc. It was a mess. I called around until my aunt picked up confirming the worst. My grandma just had a stroke and was out of conscious for nearly 28 minutes when the official death cut-off is around 30. This means she suffered heavy brain damage from the lack of oxygen to her brain, and she dropped into the coma which she never eventually woke from.

If anything this event just solidified the importance of responsibility, even in the small shit because that adds up and I never know when something like this indirectly be a cause of my inability to keep promises or being lazy

[–]HopelessDistraction 1 point2 points  (0 children)

With more context to the story, it’s definitely easier to understand your guilt, frustration, and anger. Yeah you fucked up by not being there when you said you would, and sure maybe if you were there she would have lived for a lot longer after the stroke, but you’re only human man. I’m sure she would forgive you, as any sane person would.

[–]DreamscapeGamer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think this is why, "God" as an archetype was so vital to the psychological well-being of so many tribes. A man turned to, "God" for release the same way a woman does a man.

Take "God" out, and yeah... we all suffer alone. It really sucks. (I don't believe in God, I just understand the archetypes.)

[–]Shaman6624 36 points37 points  (3 children)

You have the kind of crying that is out off helplessness and the kind of crying that is out of awe. When someone dies close to me I would probably shed a tear or 2, but it's not because of loss or helplessness it's because the size of life and perspective of the dead persons life and death just comes flying at me.

[–]redd_reality 25 points26 points  (1 child)

Boom. You just described the emotional difference between men and women. Men cry out of respect and appreciation for the dead, while women cry because they lost someone close to them.

Male honor vs female solipsism

[–]Shaman6624 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This made me think:

Female Solipsism is great because when they cry because they lost someone it means that that someone was of value to them. And it's a great feeling as a male to be perceived as high value to a woman. Women are the ones providing an indirect frame of reference for men to value their lives.

The downside is that they can abuse this and totally fuck someones life up. But the upside is that being highly valued by a woman can be a sense of great pride for a man and can motivate him to do great things. That's just how we're wired.

When you're redpilled you distance yourself from that valuation and work on your own values and believes. You become stronger and more powerfull, seperate yourself from the stupid motivation to be liked by women. And strangely that is exactly what women find attractive and what they value.

So men have the inherent need to be valued and wanted by women but to satisfy that need they have to distance themselves from that need. That dilemma is the core of TRP imo.

The ultimate goal should be to enjoy the nice emotions you get when a woman thinks you are valuable but to value your own judgement and perspective a lot more. Like they say, a woman should be an accessory to a great life. Man I love women and their solipsism.

[–]PhaedrusHunt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This makes perfect sense. When my grandmother was in the hospital and we thought she was going to die I talked to her on the phone and just hearing the weakness in her voice brought a flood of emotions and I cried when I was on the phone with her. She ended up pulling through and lived another 3 or 4 years. But when she actually went I was okay with it because I had mourned her in that moment when I was talking to her on the phone. A recent thing also happened with one of my oldest friends. He was very sick in the hospital and it was looking like he was going to die. I was by myself and definitely broke down for a minute at a time when things were looking very bleak. He also ended up pulling through but I know now that when his time does come I won't shed another tear.

[–][deleted] 60 points61 points  (0 children)

My condolences. Strength to you.

[–]beefdx 44 points45 points  (0 children)

"Crying: Acceptable at funerals, and the Grand Canyon" - Ron Swanson

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 71 points72 points  (18 children)

It's theatrical really, crying like that

Exactly. Women cry to get their emotions out and to elicit support. It doesn't take women much to cry for the same reason it doesn't take much for children to cry: it benefits them to do so.

[–]Newbosterone 12 points13 points  (17 children)

Yes and no. Theatrical, in that it is a display, but real, in that in many cases it is what they are feeling. There were times when my estrogen was poorly controlled, and the intensity of emotions was overwhelming. Even little shit, like DeNiro's character crying over a life insurance commercial in Analyze This.

[–]1Original_Dankster 7 points8 points  (5 children)

Theatrical, in that it is a display, but real, in that in many cases it is what they are feeling.

Yes it is both theatrical and real - because neurologically they evolved to feel more intensely, so that they can put on a display to elicit more support. It benefits them to do so, and biologically their body evolved for this.

MattyAnon's point stands.

[–]KidWonder101 3 points4 points  (4 children)

Ok now, let's stop with the pseudo evolutionary science. Biological advancements that ensure survival are indeed passed down but scientists still can't pin point a single secular reason for every type of human behavior because evolution/genetic traits can includes millions of variables.

Yes, tears can play an important role in communication, and the extraordinary thing is that tears don't just telegraph our state of mind to others — they can also evoke strong emotions in the people who witness them BUT to say about women "they evolved to feel more intensely so they can put on a display to elicit more support" is quite a ludicrous claim. Men cry too, did they too evolve this to elicit more support too? Or is it just that men or more logical and realize that hysterical crying accomplishes nothing? Many variables come into play.

[–]1Original_Dankster -1 points0 points  (2 children)

let's stop with the pseudo evolutionary science.

If you don't accept evolutionary psychology you have no further need of this sub. It's the foundational principle upon which all red pill knowledge is based.

If you disagree, you can go find answers elsewhere and allow us to continue our discussion uninterrupted without further distraction.

[–]ManiacMcCree 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Perhaps I'm putting words in KidWonder101's mouth, but I doubt he's dismissing evolutionary science so much as he's cautioning you against an ideological stance that removes room for nuance due to reductionist oversimplification.

"Hurr durr wimen only cry cuz they evolved to manipulate others with their tears" Not saying there's no truth in that sentiment, but to take it too far is to remove the humanity and complexity that women can indeed hold.

[–]KidWonder101 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's exactly what I'm saying. Thank you

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon -4 points-3 points  (10 children)

So.... it's either theatrics.... or in your case an uncontrollable emotional overreaction.

Tell me again how you're the equal of men.

[–]Newbosterone 12 points13 points  (2 children)

Lol. As a man, I am by definition the equal of men. When my estrogen was out of control, it was because I switched aromatase inhibitors and it took a couple of weeks to get the dosage titrated.

[–]Inexperiencedblaster 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Can. Fucking. Relate.

Jesus, it sucks. Then you have tren in the mix.

[–]raspberrysorbetto 1 point2 points  (3 children)

How come a woman's emotions make her inferior, but a man's sex drive and anger don't? Estrogen makes you hormonal, sure, but so does testosterone.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Because sex drive can lead to many positive things for the man and for the world.

Anger is a rational and often productive response.

[–]raspberrysorbetto -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Emotions can lead to the production of lots of beautiful art and literature. A lot of novelists, musicians, and poets are female. What's your point?

[–]Self-honest 0 points1 point  (2 children)

My Aunt's boyfriend of 30 years passed away a few weeks ago after a long battle with throat cancer. She has hated him for years and only stuck around because she had no one else in the world. He would never marry her, because she is crazy, helpless, doesn't work, gets a disability check for an unknown "disability" etc.

My mom is taking care of everything for her. She wastes hours of my mom's time each day going off on tangents and saying hurtful things to the one person who is there for her. I've told my mom to cut her off. I've explained boundaries, yet she persists. Not only does she waste my mom's time, but my mom volunteers my dad to help her around the house and deal with the estate (BF married her on his death bed to give her all of his possessions).

Before our family Christmas, my mom texted me, reminding me to offer my aunt my condolences and love. I confronted my mom and told her I'm a grown man and she has no business telling me what to say to someone else. She told me if I didn't tell my aunt how much I cared about her in her time of grief, my aunt would take it out on her later directly bashing me and my family for treating her poorly. I told her she was being selfish with her request and I wouldn't perpetuate my aunt's behavior. If she didn't like it she would have to handle it herself.

At the end of our Christmas party, when my aunt was leaving, she began to cry uncontrollably in front of everyone while hugging people goodbye. I was disgusted by her attempt to garner attention. The only thing I said to her all night was goodbye. I won't play those fucking games, but everyone else said such nice bullshit to her.

I told my mom to stop worrying about this shrew and start thinking about investing her effort in the people who will be there to take care of her when she gets older. My aunt certainly won't return the favor. She didn't respond. I felt like I was being a little ruthless in my approach. I didn't apologise. The next time I saw her she was overly helpful, loving, cooked a nice dinner, and was overall more pleasant towards me and my father.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 1 point2 points  (1 child)

The next time I saw her she was overly helpful, loving, cooked a nice dinner, and was overall more pleasant towards me and my father.

Amazing isn't it... your statements of the obvious turned around her behaviour.

Perhaps she moved on from her view of family as entitled, which is perhaps why she was helping your aunt.... ie "if I help the aunt, others will help me later".

[–]Self-honest 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If selfishness is her language, then speaking in those terms is the easier way to get her to see things from my perspective.

[–]WhorehouseVet 18 points19 points  (3 children)

That hits close to home. If you need to cry, OP, do it when no one is watching. As much as Stoicism is recommended, sometimes you need to have your emotions run lose.

When my father passed, I cried when I'm alone. I didn't want to make a scene and I didn't need anyone to console me.

[–]Danoco99 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Or don't, because apparently F R A M E matters more than real human emotions.

[–]maplemaximus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ball it up and it'll come out in the last ways you'd want it to. Sometimes crying helps you reach peace, while balling it up just makes you reach a boiling point.

[–]666mafioso 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Crying is not necessary but emotional release or at least transmutation is necessary. When my grandmother died, I remember I cried once by myself and then took that emotional energy and accomplished some goals I’d been putting off for so long.

[–]siversex 44 points45 points  (2 children)

Bruh when my grandma died my father cried so hard his body shook. The fact that he was capable of displaying such deep emotions made him more of a man, not less

[–]redd_reality 30 points31 points  (1 child)

Expressing emotions is a human experience. It is necessary to maintain a healthy psyche, obviously.

Men expressing sappy emotions should be limited to times and places where they are not going to interfere with the task at hand, or call into question their ability to maintain composure in the future.

If your dad broke down into a convulsing mess in front of the women in your family, a part of their Machiavellian minds will always retain that memory to call into question his level of self control in the future.

[–]DoubleA12 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Well put. "There's a time and a place for everything." Some things, like showing deep emotion, just need to be reserved for special occasions, or behind closed doors.

[–]pgroups 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I relate to you in a very deep strong way. I lost my grandfather within the past year (late 2017) and even though I loved him, felt bad, etc... didn't shed a tear. I agree it felt weird as hell. But I also understand what you mean about those crying all around you. Sometimes I just didn't know what to do with them. My grandfather would be proud: just keep going, just keep living life, seriously. My dad is the same way. Not a fucking chance in the world either of the two would want me to break down. My uncle on the other hand when my other grandpa died completely got his lift torn apart and is now living with my 85 year old grandmother, is obese and in worse health than her, on so many drugs we don't know how he's living. Detach yourself emotionally. Sure you can get excited, sad, etc. but you absolutely must see the big picture and control yourself.

[–]juanappleseed 33 points34 points  (20 children)

This is so emotionally unhealthy. Hardening yourself emotionally is a great skill and very valuable at certain times, but not as a general life characteristic. What you do not express, you depress.

The more you depress, the more depressed and miserable your life will get, losing the ability to connect or feel joy happiness or love.

In order to feel good, you must surrender to feeling bad.

Your father is very emotionally unhealthy and he is not a happy man.

[–]Velebit 19 points20 points  (13 children)

notice how people will label their old toxic habits as examples of redpill

[–]juanappleseed 14 points15 points  (12 children)

People just don't understand emotional health. I don't blame them. I had to really search to learn it. It's not popular in our society.

Being angry or disconnected and "stoic" are last ditch efforts at preventing feelings of overwhelm and hopelessness, which they are good for short term. But at a certain point you gotta cry and scream all that shit out to ever be happy again to where you aren't just coping with a shit life, but living a good one.

Not diminishing that these responses have their value and time and place. They really do. But people acting like they are the whole answer to success in life is coming from a very traumatized near sighted view of life and it's possibilities that comes from a life of eating shit and being surrounded by dysfunction.

It's very hard to see a reality you've never experienced, until you've experienced it.

Many young men have no idea there is a reality where there is healthy love and bonding. Healthy and free emotional expression. Effortless success coming from being inspired and happy rather than success through endless misery and grinding.

[–]Velebit 1 point2 points  (6 children)

I rarely agree with a full post I see, you can check that in my history, but I gotta agree here.

There is too much emphasis while growing up on being properly manly or girly and eliminating traits and behaviors from your being that don't quite fit the stereotype. This is hugely damaging.

I recently found results from Swedish private kindergardens and schools that try to raise their kids without those issues and they found that the biggest difference is kids are more open to talking and hanging out with opposite sex, less suspicious and less burdened with social pressures. They did not find that this resulted in kids rejecting their birth sex...

This is similar to Swiss direct democracy. Most ignorant people think if you just result in poor people voting to take rich peoples money. Nope. Only western country without minimal wage, even rejected guaranteed income.

[–]666mafioso -2 points-1 points  (5 children)

The least of problems that Sweden has is emotional expression in elementary school children. Their country is fucked up, and getting massively fucked by immigrants on the local and global scale. I find it amusing that you chose Sweden of all countries to represent a shining example of how Western countries should be. Personally I wouldn’t touch Sweden with a 2,000 mile pole

Also, Sweden and Switzerland are not the same countries, I hope you realize this. Switzerland has one of the strictest immigration policies and one of the best countries to protect private assets.

[–]Velebit 1 point2 points  (4 children)

You prove my point and completely miss it's point.

Point is counter intuitive stuff. To most people their intuition guides them to think that unless you weld into kids brains gender stereotypes they will all become weird dissfunctional individuals with no identity.

Another counter intuitive stuff is direct democracy. Most people seem to think it will result in majority clamping down hard on anyone capable of becoming elite.

This is related to thinking that if you have a dick and dare to cry, especially in front of other homo sapiens you are worth less.

Anyway ur a normie

[–]help757575 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Being normal is for the the weak minded, and weak willed.

[–]666mafioso -1 points0 points  (1 child)

You go right back into your narratives and drop ad hominems without addressing any of the points I posited. It seems that you’re trying to prove that softness doesn’t necessarily equate to radicalized leftist extremes and I was agreeing with you. However, you don’t understand the political situations as well as you claim and I was pointing out your weak arguments on that front. Instead of loosely trying to make an argument disguised with incorrect factual sounding evidence, either appeal fully to empathy or check your own evidence.

[–]Velebit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is offtopic, I will send you a pm

[–]help757575 -2 points-1 points  (4 children)

Are you menstruating today it's ok? OP hit the nail on the head. If you wanna stay jacked into the matrix by all means please do.

[–]juanappleseed 2 points3 points  (3 children)

I think you actually think you sound smart here at all. I promise you don't.

[–]help757575 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I honestly don't care what you think, but all this hypersensitivity of you need to let you emotions out, you can only move on by crying and letting your emotions out, it all sounds like something Oprah would say. I think the OP was right with his approach. I think it's actually stronger to rationalize (masculine energy) the thoughts of feeling sad, verse being emotional (feminine energy) and breaking down.

[–]juanappleseed 1 point2 points  (1 child)

It works for a while until it doesn't. This is coming from someone who was like that until it didn't work anymore. I doubt I'll convince you, so good luck. I doubt I would have listened to me either. That would require me dropping my distrustful and angry closed off defense mechanisms that I believed were protecting me. But I guarantee you you feel no deep joy or love when responding to life like this over and over, though it does mute the pain.

[–]help757575 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Defense mechanisms like assuming someone is angry or distrustful?...lol

[–]Reefer-eyed_Beans 4 points5 points  (1 child)

These people have no consistency whatsoever and just make shit up as they go along. You just say something with a confident "deep shit bro" tone and everyone eats it up, while ironically patting themselves on the back for being superior free thinking individuals.

It doesn't even make sense...what's "redpill" about going to see a dead body exactly? "Respect for the dead" has to be one of the most manufactured and fake concepts I can think of; it's literally a total trick of the mind used to quell emotional needs.

[–]3n1g 1 point2 points  (0 children)

People just handle stuff differently.

I know very well my emotional state is not considered a good one, but it is a very stable one and I like that better.

Sure I don't have those huge highs that often, but I don't have lows either.

I understood that although not that healthy, would spare me from pain when I found my father after he tried hanging himself. Luckily the rope broke, he hit his head and was uncosncious for who knows how long untill I found him.

There was the man, my father, sitting and crying, he had peed himself while unconscious, sobbing on how much of a failure he was.

I simply felt nothing. And after we got it all sorted and him commited on the hospital, I went to bed and got back to work the next morning like nothing happened.

Sure I don't get those super highs, but I keep on going just fine and keep taking care of my own shit.

But I digress, I don't think this has anything to do with mgtow.

[–]Bibbs1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And who exactly is going to come and “save you?” No one that’s who. A difficult life can be a blessing with the right introspection and sharpening of the iron and it’s only you who can absorb that. Ain’t no mother fucker going teach you that when you all up your fee fees infront of them.

[–]NarcKammerjaeger 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Maybe he cried for himself? Or maybe he did not liked him?

[–]justshootinblanks 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, it was for the OP's father his father in law. You marry the woman, not the family.

[–]Tsunnnami 3 points4 points  (3 children)

RedPill, despite the fact that it's considered to expand your horizons, actually doesn't handle different opinions quite well and if you write something that threatens to shake the rigid ideology of it, then you'll find some (often times many) persons coming at you and attacking you for the simple reason that it's outside of whatever the RedPill teaches you.

Now the thing is that any education, any strategy, any bit of information that we possess was built through a time in which different people gave their different inputs on the matter, and so an opinion/an advice/a "bulletproof" method to handle a situation was created.

The thing is that no matter if you follow some mindless mainstream propaganda or the RedPill, you're still a follower. The only difference is that you get more useful information from RedPill than you'd get from some mindless mainstream propaganda, but what's the same is that you're still not questioning things and you're still not creating YOUR OWN mentality.

If there is one essential characteristic of an alpha male that is his individuality and self-confidence. Even in the most seemingly tough alpha males there is still the seed of beta, because they don't have a true individuality and self-confidence to say that "No matter if 99% go in a direction, I will go in the other direction."

Personally, I've been where you are, and what I can say looking back to the situation is that not crying at the funeral of a loved one isn't even such a big deal. It is, however, a bit funny that you brag about it. You know why ? Because you consider this to be an achievement, which means that this is the level of difficulty you consider to be mind-blowing that you can handle. In my opinion, it's not.

A more ballsy thing would be to own your own sentiments and consider yourself a man not because you become a robot, who has the emotional freedom that Reddit or any other group gives him, but who has the freedom to feel whatever he wants to feel and to express it whatever way he wants to express it.

However, I think that you're at that point in your life in which you still have to taste the cake that you baked for yourself, so that you'll eventually transform into something bigger.

It's not just about swallowing the RedPill, it's also about making your own RedPill instead of just swallowing what everyone else wants you to swallow. If you don't want to cry on a funeral, don't - just don't overestimate the value of such a superficial manifestation. Many can pretend to be tough on the outside, the inside toughness is a lot trickier. Forcing yourself to act in a certain way ( aka "crying or not crying" ) is more of an inside lack of self-confidence, if you do it only because RedPill tells you to do it.

[–]monadyne 0 points1 point  (1 child)

You're right, Tsunnami, though I'm not sure many others will be able to see that. An Alpha creates his own reality, and references only himself. While they appear from the outside to be the same thing, there's a world of difference between cultivating "emotional blunting" and the act of suffering in silence. In both cases, the man appears to be unmoved by a situation or event, but in the one, the emotions are stifled, repressed. To suffer in silence, however, is to feel pain or loss or whatever, but to experience the grief inwardly, within the sacred precincts of one's own self. That is, after all, where the pain or loss is actually experienced. All the rest is posturing.

The self-referential man doesn't cultivate IDGAF because of its affect on other people's perceptions of him. The self-referential man doesn't. Give. A. Fuck. As the author of his own reality, what does it matter what other people think of him? He needs only his own counsel, support, validation.

The effect this has on others causes him to be perceived as attractive but that is a result of his mindset, not the cause of it. Perhaps it starts out with men wishing to turn their unfortunate experiences around, learning RP techniques to attain PUA goals. Hopefully, the strength acquired will lead to the genuine self confidence of someone who knows who he is, and knows his own actual value.

[–]Tsunnnami 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My friend, anything can become a cage in this world, even your most beloved ideologies and even your most beloved groups.

It's a constant challenge to create your own freedom and to have the balls to stand out of the crowd or to not agree with everything the crowd has to say, because guess what ? A real alpha is NEVER afraid to question things, no matter the system.

TheRedPill is a system that contains many useful information, but there is also information that I choose to discard. Having the wisdom to be a selective learner makes the difference between a leader and a follower.

RedPill is made of people. People have different opinions. Nothing a person says is set in stone. You can question things, you can disagree with things, you can discard things and you can create your own principles to live by. But it's intimidating to stand by your opinion when 99% think differently, ain't it ? Sooner or later, most people become the slaves of an ideology, following each thing blindly, fearfully. It becomes our second nature to question the people who are outside and we get farther and farther from questioning those who are inside.

Sometimes those ideologies that talk the most about freedom and about "not being a sheep" are the ones that make people blind to the fact that they are actually losing their freedom and they are actually becoming a sheep. And sheep are easy to brainwash, no matter what pill you're on.

[–]Senior ContributorSkorchZang 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Condolences bro. It will hit you a while later, be prepared if that happens to you & don't beat yourself up over "going back on stoic principles".

[–]Arabian_Wolf 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Strength buddy!

You remind me of my aunt (my father’s sis), she died almost a month ago, although I loved her even though the last time I saw her was more than 8 months ago.

I got the news of her death from my cousin, it didn’t move me at all, I told my father, he didn’t even shed a tear, I felt weird and strange at the same time, but yeah much has changed the last year for me as well.

Stoicism and Zen Buddhism taught me much, especially the Zen story of the glass that’s assumed it’s already broken so one enjoy his time with it.

[–]Velebit 7 points8 points  (6 children)

that's not redpill thats oldschool "manup" garbage the only thing that enabled feminism is stoicism, because men took the idgaf attitude about women actually making sweeping gains in political, social, legal and economic field over men... it's an interventionist radical way of being retarded to spread that shit around

all you are rambling here is how you got a disfunctional family and whoopty doo what a surprise; showing emotions is considered beneath a man or, judging by how your father programmed you beneath any human being

only idiots feel proud about repressing emotions


abundance... of grandfathers? ...good job

[–]666mafioso 0 points1 point  (5 children)

I respect your opinion, but he was honest enough about how he felt in that situation. We cannot change the facts or circumstances, just how we react to them. Whether you cry, break some shit, or do nothing, if you own up to it and the consequences, there’s no other advice or commentary necessary

[–]Velebit 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Saying something openly or honestly does not immediately quality as redpill stuff or a quality post.

Redpill is the uncomfortable truth. And the truth is that keeping your emotions bottled up is neither something edgy and new and unheard off for men nor is it a positive thing.

In best case he is just confused and made a bad choice to see this as something redpilled, in worst scenario he is using a family tragedy to humblebrag about being stoic.

[–]Redagogue 1 point2 points  (3 children)

This was written 3-4 hours after his death in the family. Going numb and not feeling anything is extremely common. If there is no emotion, what emotion is there to "bottle up"? If you actually spent some time reading the sidebar, you would understand that women respond negatively at an instinctive level to any man displaying weakness, which is why it's recommended to keep that shit private or with your bros. Also remember this sub is primarily composed of beta bitches trying to get tail who already cry too much, not alpha strong paternal figures that cry manfully once every other decade.

Also, no part of stocism recommends becoming a emotionless robot. Stoics frequently practice negative visualization and imagine the worst things that could happen to them to teach and remind themselves of the impermanence of life, happiness, or health. It is hardly a stretch to imagine your elderly bedridden grandfather of dying after the length of his life. The stoic would say that of course he died, he was always going to and I was lucky to have had him in my life at all. I've worked with old people enough to know that many times death is a kindness to people who can't remember their family, eat pureed food, need help getting off the toilet, and get a sponge bath once a week. It is selfishness to expect someone to continue to live in that state, and an easy death is the reward for a long life lived.

You are projecting far too much of what you think this place recommends versus what it actually does, and you forget that the audience of this place is man children who don't know the difference between manful displays of humanity and someone caught in the feminine throes of emotion. The real uncomfortable truth is you need to spend more time reading the side bar and understanding nuance and context instead of railing against someone dealing with his grandfather's death for "doing it wrong".

[–]Velebit 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Lol you sack of worthless shit, Swarzeneggers girlfriend left him when she saw he displayed no emotions when his dad died... I recently attended a funeral of my friends dad, he and his wife came along and we were both in a respective calm and serious mood. At one point, immediately after his dad was buried, my friend, her husband said some tacky completely inapropriate joke and both me and her looked at him in disbelief and than at each other in confused horror. Later on we almost started badmouthing him with her telling how he showed no reaction to his death... but than we both tried to convince each other he is emotionally sane and normal. Even now when thinking of that, I don't know if that person can even have feelings for anyone. He was completely unphased that whole fucking day... even cheerful due to seeing a lot of his old buddies... so odd.

Women enjoy giving men small tests to see if he is made of wuss, but women DONT like psychopaths, that is literally one of 4 basics that Mystery explained back in the pioneering days of PUA you trash.

Anyway even if you were correct and you are not. It takes a special kind of son of a hooker to even think that "how women react" is relevant when you fucking family is dying you simping zero.

Talking about feminine throes of emotion fcking empath garbage being apologist for someone mocking his grandma and mom for crying for her husband and dad while butchering the meaning of redpill by saying manup oldschool crap is THA SHIT YO... this kid is basically bragging about making his dad proud by not crying because his dad made him think he is a too sensitive kid.

gtfo preachbitch enabler

[–]666mafioso 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Your insults don’t even fit your frame and it sticks out like a sore thumb, kind of like an elementary school kid who just learned some swear new words. They don’t sound natural at all. Then you proceed to post Schwarzenegger’s anecdotal evidence (which is loosely cited, even by hearsay standards) as if we should all abide by his experience. I’m not a psychologist by any means, but let me just put on this psychoanalytical hat for a moment and say that you seem to be projecting all of your inability to be successful with women into someone “holding back their emotions”. Also, your swearing sounds almost eerily like you’re directing it towards yourself. Hope you have a better year than the last.

[–]Velebit -1 points0 points  (0 children)

what sjw crap... or are you his lawyer now? arnold talks about it

search jordan b peterson disagreeable on yt and you will learn about biodetermined behaviors...

and yo talk about elementary school kid, look at your nickname :'D

your identity is so edgy and c0ol yo

[–]Chahhhles 1 point2 points  (0 children)

your dad hit you with some real shit

[–]TruthSeekaaaaa 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Build a life worth living and the pain won't hit as hard

Best reminder and condensed advice someone can give. If you have a life worth living, you have more things going on at the same time and this is key when you lost someone or something. Since we are in TRP, it's worth noticing that many guys plan their lives around gf and when they lost her, found themself lost, because the only thing they had was gf. It's normal their world crumble down. And remember that we are the main character of our movie, the others are just extras.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had to watch my grandfather's funeral from a DVD. My father shed one tear to make a statement, and he never talked about it after that. Most lessons are unspoken, and when you become a man unto yourself you'll read those lines more clearly - I hope.

[–]trp_angry_dwarf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't you think it's pathetic? Instead of getting their shit together and going to the hospital to see him for the last time they are sobbing over there."


"It's theatrical really, crying like that."

This dude gets it.

Exactly the same thing happened to my mum and her brother. They were never close. They hated each other. But when he died she cried in a clearly transparent act. It was pathetic to anybody who knew what she was doing. It lasted for exactly 3 days because she thought that three days was enough time to get all the respect, condolences and social brownie points that she could wring out of the situation.

It IS theatre.

[–]redd_reality 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Integrating trp into your life will come with a natural inclination to adopt a stoic rationality. It seems, the more you see the machinery underneath each individuals actions and motivations, the more society is simply an orchestration. The masters waging their wars while the slaves blow like leafs in the wind. It is a game.

As time passes you adopt a Machiavellian aura by simply navigating through life, your career, the smp. This aura really isn't that far off the cold rationality and opportunistic dealing of a legitimate psychopath. The difference is, after trp opened your eyes, you silence your emotions at will, while the psychopath is born without the ability to empathize.

Check out illimitablemen's article on understanding psychopathy.

[–]SnickeringBear 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The best way to mourn loss of someone is to make a list of good memories shared with them. It is easy to laugh and enjoy those good memories when everyone else is busy burying their emotions in tears. I went to a funeral 10 days ago for a friend of 30 years. As others mourned, I enjoyed the memory of the times we worked together, ate together, and shared tales together. One very good memory was going on a Gulf of Mexico fishing trip in 1992. His daughter came on that trip and remembered how much fun it was.

[–]DaddyIssues6 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Similar story as well; my grandmother died in her hospital bed one day while I was away in college.

I vaguely remember my moms voice as she told me what had happened. I was walking down the street to my class - I stopped moving to hear my mother out. She explained, she paused, my turn to speak. I just asked her how she was doing. To my surprise, my mother told me “it was her time and she was really sick.”

Then I had a surge of realization that my mom was Alpha widowed. (Dad peace’d the fuck out when my youngest brother came out.) She had balls of steel. She never cried about it, not in front to me anyways. It must’ve meant a great deal to her in someway but I never saw it. I do remember how she sobbed one day when she found out my grandmother was terminally ill and could not fly back to her native country (she was visiting several times in the year for medical assistant from a US doctor). She was more upset that my grandmother, her mother, could not live out the rest of her days where she felt most comfortable - at home

We cried more when our first 7YO chihuahua pasted away.

[–]M23W0OH7FV2t 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My condolences. May you live a life twice that of your grandfather.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry to hear the sad news about your Grandfather.

I think this is an important time and place to remind the community that the Red Pill isnt about supressing or losing emotions.

Its about allowing emotion to happen without judging yourself for feeling them. Its about letting go of the emotion by feeling it until it loses its power over you while you stay in control.

Most do this backwards. They suppress and hide from their feelings out of guilt, shame, and various other ego protections. Then they lose control as they had no natural outlet of their feelings.

We call women children because they are controlled by their emotions as are children. Men do feel things (quite strongly) but they remain in control precisely because they arent trying to control their emotions as they come up. They empty them and remove the power that the emotions have over us.

Ive been in your shoes OP. You will one day laugh loudly about how great your grandfather was and how lucky you were to know him

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry for your loss. Your dad sounds great

[–]DamnDirty_Ape 1 points1 points [recovered]

I don't see anything wrong with crying your eyes out when a close family member dies. Suppressing huge amounts of anger, stress, and emotional pain will only cause it to reemerge as illness, depression, body pain/cancer/etc.

Doesn't mean you should go on and on about it in front of your girl. THAT is a no go. But it's not like we are in Iraq or anything. Fucking cry if you feel you need the emotional release. if you need to be along to do it, whatever. Get it out, then pick yourself up and move on as best you can.

God or Allah or the Flying Spaghetti Monster isn't going to come down on your deathbed and go "Oh wow I see you never cried when your dog died or your parents died or your brother died etc. - here's a free ticket to heaven and 72 virgins cause you were such a stoic bad ass"

[–]EntrepreneurToBee[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Fucking cry if you feel you need the emotional release."

That's the thing, i don't need the emotional release anymore.

[–]1ozaku7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry for your loss. When it comes to the feelings of you towards your grandma, accept them. She hated your grandpa, she threw things at him, she was horrible to him. Suddenly she needs to cry because she would lose face for being unbothered by his death. My grandma just simply called my mom telling her that grandpa died (we were seeing it coming, nonetheless), completely unfazed about her husband of almost 60 years. Now she's alone and crying all the time and I don't really care. She brought it upon herself.

You can't change how you feel, don't feel bad about how you feel. Just embrace it, accept it, move on. It's pointless to think or feel about your feelings.

[–]brawlingpanda 0 points1 point  (0 children)

god damn I have to save this. It a way it's something I'm about to go through something like this very soon. I'm going to lose a father figure due to health illness and been thinking how to deal with it. Will I be sad? Will it crush my life and my will to live? Push through and build a life worth living. Thank you

[–]PhaedrusHunt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your dad is cool. When I was 21 my sister died and I was struggling with it for a long time. My dad told me several times you have to learn to be sad. I didn't understand what he meant at the time but eventually it made more sense and it makes perfect sense now. I think the way that my dad put it was very poetic but your dad put it in plain language. There's a lot to be said for that.

[–]heal_thyself_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This was all very profound. Thanks for taking the time to post this.

[–]LibertarianHandlebar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Man, and here I was thinking redpilled fedoras were only obsessed with the Roman Empire in theory. Good to see you guys taking it to new depths in practice by applying it to your masculinity

[–]Rudeyyyy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I always thought there was something wrong with me. When we got the phone call in the middle of the night that my grandfather had a massive heart attack my parents were sobbing and I was just kind of like well this sucks and then just watched tv. When we went to my uncles and to meet up with the rest of our family I was the only one who didn't cry or show any kind of sadness. I wasn't holding back it was more along the lines of well this sucks. I'm the youngest in the family too. I thought it was because I'm ginger and we have no souls (sarcasm) I just don't really get upset. I mean yeah it hurt but life goes on and shit happens. Same when my other grandfather and grandmother died. I was stoic and unfazed and had to console my female cousins who were bawling their eyes out.

[–]Vgean 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe go test yourself for psychopathic behaivor. Seems like your father is one.

[–]draskenmarr -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You really are dumb. Most people are completely unfazed when old people die. Its not stoicism you moron. You think your father would be "stoic" if his wife died, if you died?

You are obviously an edgy red pill newbie Go be there for your family or something

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Red-pillers: You are allowed to cry when your parents die. Ridiculous post.

[–]EntrepreneurToBee[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not once did i say you aren't allowed to cry... A man should have dignity in life and in death. Of course you need to go through a mourning period, of course you can shed some tears, of course you can distance yourself for a while but you don't however have a complete mental breakdown. You don't have to agree with me, i don't have it all figured out. This was just something i went through and learned something from. Now i'm trying to share what i learned. I don't think that is ridiculous.

[–]EntropyVictor -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

u sound like a little emo bitch mate no wonder ur grandpa was tired of this world.

[–]Don_Himself -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I think I learned how to stoically deal with grievances watching DBZ, when I watched Vegeta practically get Gohan killed - someone he had grown to respect over the years - just so he can finally beat the crap out of his dad in the Boo saga. Vegeta not sensing Gohan's life, and assuming the worst, simply says "I'm sorry, Gohan."

In my head at 8 I was just thinking, man this kid saved your life countless times before and was the very last being with saiyan DNA around. He just got exterminated because of your feud, and all you can say is Im Sorry

But then i remembered he went apeshit when trunks got killed. see at this moment he blamed Goku for trunks' death. But this time he had gotten Gohan killed and didn't really show he gave any fucks.

I think in my mind, i was able to rationalize that Vegeta hardly grieves the loss of his loved ones even when it's completely his fault - therefore I should never feel grievance for losses that were never my fault.

if this makes sense to you congrats ur autistic